Honesty Hour (THE RECKONING) · 7:59pm Nov 23rd, 2014
So again, I'm back. 
Except not really...
You see I created an alt account for this alt account (not that anyone been able to connect it to me even though the same folk who follow me on here also do it on the other one, #IHAVEMYEYESONYOU). Not to give any details to that other account away, I thought that I'd try my hand into the deeper parts of the fanfic fandom. I can safely say that I've experienced all the ponyfic has to offer from the clop-shots, self-inserts, fetishes, human in equestria, pony falls and the whole bucket worth.
Perhaps, I'm too full of myself and my ego needs a beating but I've honestly have gotten embarrassed of my ponyfics. Mostly because they are terrible ponyfics. The ponies are often out of character, my AUs often need too much explanation and feel 'off' compared to other fics. I know I've said these things before but I'm repeating again even after trying to write some of the smutter, zany and wacky stuff.
To put it plain, What if I'm hurting my writing by using ponies?
That sort of thinking always catching me me in the thick of writing. Any interest or steam I had in starting new work or finishing it drys up by the time I'm stuttering to answer that question. 'Of course, not' I'll hastily think back, trying to kill the traitorous thought 'I came up with these ideas especially for ponies!' But after all stories I've written and feedback I've gotten from my readers and reviewers, it's becoming more and more likely that's the case.
I can understand that statement 'YOUR STORY IS OFF AND IT DON'T THINK IT SHOULD BE A MY LITTLE PONY STORY' cause I'm not exactly getting my influence from the show. Honestly, the show itself doesn't tickle my fancy. I like the art and everything but the themes, characters and plots... Ehh.... My true influence, the real why I made an account and put my pen in the cause of pony was fanfiction.
Alternate Universe fanfiction.
There was just something awesome in seeing a pony doing something weird, raw and real with a huge lore to back it up. I don't just mean coming up with your own explanations for things in the show but building a grand world from scratch using the canon as a template and going beyond that. It floored me when I read it in the first few fanfics before I followed a link to here. I always wanted to recapture that feeling I felt. That ponies could be more than cute caricature living in a little kid cartoon*.
Of course, I know my readers like my stuff and would like me to get to updating but I'm struggling against these thoughts. What if my work would be better if I just took out the pony element and created my own magical planet to fool around with? Sure, I'd lose the audience I've built here but I would have security in my characters, lore and the ability to be flexible in ways I couldn't be with ponies. But those are the same things I've invested in my stories, I don't want to lose them and strip away at the text to make it bleached and un-pony related.
It's hard for me to throw away the months and words and people and friends and...
In a sense, I've returned to begin start deleting stories and clear out my presence here.
In a sense, I'm here to bare my thoughts and double down in updating and releasing one-shots.
I'm sure some of you will say, 'It's already a AU. Just change the names and hoof to hand and you're good to go.'
I honestly wrote these stories for ponies in mind or at least my view of them. I think they're awesome but only if they are suffering and overcoming adultish issues and have complicated backstories and there's magictech, immortals duking it out, pettiness, spite, long summer nights, fear and hope mixing with blood and sweat... But that just my quirk. Those stories have certain logic to it that probably only makes sense to me. And I know that I'm being selfish, making decisions without including you guys but I guess I'm just a drama queen.
My embarrassment of my ponyfics has made me want some distance. And I had that distance for a while but I haven't felt any better. Thus I'm beginning to feel a little delete-y and coming up with outlines to convert the fics to original ones. I'm thinking about where to post it, how much time I could devote to pumping out chapters, how much interest I having in taking a huge endeavor...
You can say I've already made up my mind but I honestly don't want these good times to end on such a note. I haven't gotten into the feature box, Equestria Daily, been interviewed and all that cool jazz I see on my feed. But then again, I've never been into that kind of stuff.
I'm such a lurker, it's not even funny.
And to be honest once again, I think I'm just here for the instant gratification. It can be addicting... I don't have to struggle for readers and I can sit back and watch my green or red bar rise. I have at the least attention which isn't really good enough to continue hovering here. Again, most of my ponfics are too out there and I'm probably doing everybody a disservice in continuing to post them and pretend that they are proper ponyfics.
There are plenty of new writers to fill my shoes.
A bunch of them will probably hit that sweet spot that I never could.
I wish them well and you guys too.
I'll be around for a couple hours... Before I do the deed.
I mean- I joined for fanfiction... Isn't it dumb to be leaving because of it? But if I put in the work, I could make my own audience elsewhere and maybe feel more... content in myself and in my writing and my stories...
Whatever...
Total transparency: I've watched/read loads of girl shows, little kid shows, shoujo/josei anime/manga, accidentally read erotica paperbacks and a slew of others... That by the time I got to My Little Pony G4, it didn't resonate with me. Maybe it would've I seen a show like it when I was younger or never watched girly shows/etc going forward, it might have made a connection but it hasn't. When I watch MLP, I think back to all the shows I've watched and well... It does not interest me because I've already met those girls and their problems so many times. If I had a kid, I'd like her to watch this show but I mostly watched it for fanfic reasons.
Maybe that's why my fanfics are so off. They're built off dozens of winks and elbowing of other things that influenced when I was growing and keeping to this day. I used to think to myself, 'I'm writing the stuff I want to read.' But I'm thinking to myself, 'My younger self would have wanted more. True and huge fictional worlds to get herself lost in and try her own hand at writing something too.'
...
More authors around here are like that than you think.
I won't attempt to dissuade you from pursuing happiness; I believe happiness is the greatest thing we can have, and if leaving brings you greater happiness, I believe you should pursue that.
2612403
Thanks. I might be over-reacting... I might not but I think that moving on is the best I can do. I'm going to retool these stories, finish them and post somewhere else. I don't think I'll get them official published or anyone will see them in print but it's still important to me. I'm re-reading these stories as I write and they're not as bad as I thought they were. But I'm worried that I have the same train of thought in the future...
This is already such an old song and dance.
What anime is the character in the icon for your avatar from?
Is Regina Wright your real name? If not, then who is it?
2651514
It's a pen name. I was trying to make a pun for a story that isn't on here (yet). Regina means queen and wright is a pun on both write and rite.
2651510
Gekkan Shoujo Nozaki-kun
Enjoy.