"Very Special Somepony" Sounds A Little Dumb · 9:51am Nov 23rd, 2014
”Twilight…” Pinkie swallowed her heart beatings so fast she could hardly hear herself. Her legs were trembling a little. She felt cold. “Would you…?”
“Yes?” Twilight asked, her voice soft as a puppy among towels. “Pinkie?”
“Would you…” Pinkie shook her head, and finally managed to make eye contact with Twilight. “Would you be my special somepony?”
My God, that last line is bullshit. I’m not the only one who thinks that, right? As in, dear fucking hell, people – that’s just wrong.
I’m used to every single ponyism out there, except for this one. I get why the show couldn’t use “Valentine” in this context, but… Look, “very special somepony” makes everypony sound like they’re seven years old. Yes, I’m aware that I used “everypony” unironically in that last sentence, thus making myself sound like a seven years old. To that, I say shut the hell up.
And seriously, we need some other way to say “would you be my valentine?” because right now every single fic that tries to pull that fucking “very special somepony” stuff out ends up being either corny or ridiculous. Literally anything is better. Here, let me try:
”Twilight.” Pinkie grabbed Twilight’s tail and gave it a gentle pull, causing her friend to stop and turn towards her. “I have something to ask you.”
Twilight blinked. “You…” She looked at the calendar, and smiled. “You do, huh?”
“Yes.” Pinkie smiled back, and took a deep breath. “Twilight Sparkle…”
“Yes?”
“Twilight Sparkle…!”
“Yes?!”
“TWILIGHT SPARKLE…!”
“YES?!”
“WILL YOU BE MY LIL’ FUCKNUGGET?”
“FUCK YES I’LL BE YOUR LIL’ FUCKNUGGET!”
“GOOD, LET’S PLAY ROCK ‘N ROLL WITH THIS ELECTRIC GUITAR I PULLED OUT OF MY ASS!”
“FUCK YES TO THAT TOO!”
Then the door of the library opened, only to show Spike behind it. “OH MY SHIT, TWILIGHT!” he screamed, “THE ENTIRE FUCKING TOWN IS ON FUCKING FIRE!”
“I DECLARE MYSELF UTTERLY FLABBERGASTED BY THAT INFORMATION!” Twilight replied. “IS IT BAD?!”
“WHAT THE EVERLOVING SHITASS ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, IT’S CHILD-FUCKINGLY AWESOME! THERE’S FIRE AND LAVA EVERYWHERE!”
“OH MY BOWELS!” Pinkie screamed. “LET’S GO OUTSIDE AND PLAY ROCK WITH THIS OTHER GUITAR I PULLED OUT OF MY ASS!”
“THAT SOUNDS CUNTASTIC, PINKIE!” Twilight roared.
“EVERYPONY IS DYING BUT IT DOESN’T MATTER BECAUSE IT’S SO METAL!” Spike ululated.
“I CAN TALK FOR SOME REASON!” Owlowiscious yammalammadingdonged.
“YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH!”
“YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH!”
“YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH!”
…
…
Man. This is how all love scenes should go. I would so read a romance fic that played like that.
Ah, but did he put the bomp in the bomp-a bomp-a bomp?
Write romance. Please. All of the romance, just like this.
Also heeeey, I didn't know you did a horror story! Sweet!
”Twilight.” Pinkie grabbed Twilight’s tail and gave it a gentle pull, causing her friend to stop and turn towards her. “I have something to ask you.”
Twilight blinked. “You…” She looked at the calendar, and smiled. “You do, huh?”
“Yes.” Pinkie smiled back, and took a deep breath. “Twilight Sparkle…”
“Yes?”
“Twilight Sparkle…!”
“Yes?!”
“TWILIGHT SPARKLE…!”
“YES?!”
"Wanna knock horse shoes?" Twilight blurts out.
"What does a picnic game have to do with anything?"
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH!!!11
That is all.
-Sollace
PS. I agree on the whole special somepony thing. Writers have no reason to avoid "Valentine" like they did in the show or they could just have them ask if they want to go out.
Edit: Although the term could still be made to fit if the characters themselves were foals or perhaps in the case of Pinkie.
Um, that's presumably just one way the Ponies say "love," "true love" or "lover." And the term which they consider most appropriate for children to use.
Then Celestia comes out of nowhere with a godlike guitar and kills everybody with her fucking awesome solo.
No, but seriously. Your blogs are like cocaine, just enough to wake me up.
I love everything about this.
I think Very Special Somepony is adorable.
Is it cheesy? Hell yes. Is it corny? Hell yes to that too.
But you know what else is really fucking cheesy and corny?
img2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20140225011637/mlp/images/d/df/Spike_carrying_giant_plate_of_nachos_S4E15.png
This huge arse pile of nachos.
And that shit is canon.
2611820
Replace "guitar" with "keytar" and you have an idea for the best story ever. Bonus points if Celestia is a giant for no fucking reason.
I agree, to an extent. I use Everypony and whatnot because it's canon (see my argument below) but Special Somepony is ridiculous. Utterly so.
Taken from Starlight, Chapter 7.5
But yeah. Everypony/Somepony would either exist due to the isolation (potential, anyway) of the language prior to Equestria's founding, or not exist because of the other sentient races on the planet.
Clearly we need a story where after Saint Valentine is martyred, he wakes up in early Equestria and helps Celestia get laid.
You need to write a romance fic. Now. The world needs it.
2611969
Certainly all true men would refuse to use a language construction that left out some of the people involved. I'm speaking perfectly plain English here, so that every man on Earth can understand me.
Calling someone your girlfriend or boyfriend your Valentine over and over is just as stupid. Mister and Missus Cake do not call each other their Special Somepony, they have pet names for each other. If some dude called his girlfriend or boyfriend Valentine around me and it was any month but February, I would punch him square and full on in the cunt. Special Somepony may be a replacement for lover. "He is my Special Somepony," sounds much less risque than, "He is my lover." Though "Lil' Fucknugget" may be the other extreme.
I think Spike (courtesy of Tenacious D) may already be ahead of you there:
derpicdn.net/img/2012/7/17/47200/medium.png
Power metal pillow talk? That would be quite... uuuh... intense.
I can just see it now:
Aragon finds the gentleman/lady of his dreams who shares similar ideas concerning romance. They go on a date to a fancy restaurant. They profess their undying love to one another through the medium of power metal ballads and epic guitar shredding. Pyrotechnics and explosions are also involved.
2611845 Oh my goodness, MrNumbers. No... No, that can't be a pun. But it must be. How do you think of these?
2612548
2611845
The fucking man's a genius when it comes to puns, yeah. I hate him so much for that.
2612164 Truely. It's not as if there are illiterates, blinds, or non-Englishmen out there. That would be a silly idea to propose.
Dude, why do you even bother to make this blog? Just post it as a story and watch while the whole world is converted to bronyism by the unstoppable laughter!
2611865 Celestia is a giant for no fucking reason.
2635089
Fair point, I'll admit it. Change it to "Celestia has three heads for no fucking reason" then. That'd be cool too.
2635090 I'm already impressed by the implicit "hooves can play a guitar for no fucking reason", so three heads is just icing on the cake.