In Regards To FiMFic's Latest Potential Bandwagon · 6:12am Nov 19th, 2014
Now, look, I'll keep this short. Unusually so, because I don't want to waste my breath with this. Know those Cards Against Humanity fadfics? Including the one I reviewed last week, declaring it "mediocre" at best, and "pointless garbage" at worst? Well, it seems that some names have picked up on this trend. Namely, several other stories have cropped up since then, though one has already been deleted for whatever reason (which I can only applaud, as it was terrible).
See, card games are fun. Card games with friends are even more fun. Reading stories about card games? That's not quite as fun. In fact, it's boring as fuck. It's "comedy" at it's worst, for the same reason that a lot of "sad" fics are terrible; it's telling you "this is funny", when in reality it's NOT funny. Cards Against Humanity? It doesn't translate well to story form. But I can certainly tell you a better way of how to enjoy such a concept. In fact, here's a step-by-step little guide on the best course of action for those that think Cards is a fun game and would like to enjoy it fully:
1. Close that word processor. Do it. Now. I don't care if you were writing that story, just fucking close it already.
2. Go to this site.
3. Scroll down a bit until you see a yellow button. It's more of an off-orange, but you know what I mean.
4. Click it. I know it says "Buy for 25$", but click it anyway. I should probably mention by now that you should have a little extra money on standby.
5. If you're a poorfag and don't have that much money, then skip ahead to step 22. If you already have the game, skip to 18.
6. Tell the nice pop-up thing where you live. (Don't worry, it won't tell anyone else; not even that wacky NSA.) It doesn't really matter which you pick, so long as you live there. Canadians get the better stuff.
7. Now peruse the list and pick up your fresh order of cards for 25 bucks. That doesn't include the added bullshit fees if you use Paypal, or whatever.
8. If you're feeling brave, and have more money than what a salaryman usually earns in a year, then you can pick up any of the booster packs for ten bucks each.
9. If you're even braver, you may want to also invest in that bigger, blacker box if you buy a lot of cards. It saves you a lot of headache, trust me. (Using it for purposes other than card storage is up to the owner's discretion.)
10. Speaking of which, there's that Kwanzaa thing going on, too. Better give them more money to save your special slot for receiving cool and unnecessary gifts, and crap.
11. Those who pay 35 bucks or more get free shipping, and since shipping costs like ten bucks anyway, that's practically a steal.
12. After you've picked out all your shit, click "Pay now".
13. Tell them where to aim their mail catapults.
14. Fill out whatever else they want you to fill out. They know paperwork sucks, but at the same time, they don't give a shit.
15. After all's said and done, wait for a little while.
16. Your order will eventually arrive; you'll know it when you hear glass breaking.
17. Hope you had even more money for that window, by the way.
18. Congrats! You're now in possession of a card game for horrible people! You may now proceed to play it with friends and/or estranged family members.
19. If you lack friends and/or family members without a sense of dignity, then go out and make friends. You watch a goddamned show for little girls where an OCD asocial unicorn manages to eventually grow up and become the fucking princess of friendship itself, for fuck's sake. You should have picked up on something by now.
20. Upon acquiring friends, you may now proceed to play the game with said friends.
21. Upon losing said friends, you may shelve the game for the next month and never look at it again out of shame.
22. Go to this site, and start playing the game with anonymous strangers.
23. In a best case scenario, you may also bond with these strangers over the likes of Skype as you laugh and cry from the raunchy nature of this goddamned game.
24. Enjoy.
This has been a public-ish service announcement. Enjoy Cards Against Humanity the way it was meant to be. Fanfics are not the way. I'm serious. Knock it off. The stories are terrible. It was fine the first time around, but this shit is getting ridiculous. Second and third times were already too much, for me. Fourth and beyond? The gloves are off, now. Cut it the hell out. I know fads are hard to control once they gain momentum, but fuck it, I'm pissed and I'm want to get this out there. I mean, hell, even Bob, TittySparkles, Regidar, and the original author himself are speaking out against these fics from becoming a thing, for fuck's sake.
And if you ignore me and write them anyway, don't expect me to review them. You've already lost that privilege.
~Blinkie
What happened to step 19?
2604181
I'm not sure what you mean, citizen. Step nineteen has always been there on the list. Oceania has always been at war with Eastasia.
Move along, now.
WHOA I TRIE D IT AND I'M ACTUALLY HAVING FUN??????
I HAVE NEVER EXPERIENCED SUCH A WONDERFUL FEELING BEFORE THANK YOU
2604199
I do it for free.
2604205
:^)
Now that, is how you give instructions.
I find it amusing, because the online Cards Against Humanity has had a FiMFiction deck for a long while now yet only recently have the fadfics shown up.
Looks like some people failed a spot check...
I will never write this stories simply because I've never read any of them... I will write poems instead, which not a lot of people do unfortunately...
That was a surprisingly funny blog.
tenouttaten, would upboat if possible.
...Man, fuck these fads.
Shit, I must check mine.
I wouldn't have minded so much if they were any good. Still haven't read the EQ one yet though.
Huh. Does this work without step 1? I'm not sure where the potatoes go, though.