Retro Reviews Season 2: The Cutie Pox · 8:08pm Nov 17th, 2014
So, earlier it's been revealed that Season 5 will not be coming along until some time between March and June of next year (Spring 2015). If I continue with these one a week, the reviews will last until March, but I might take a week off in December (for Christmas because family stuff) and possibly another couple while working on stories. If all else fails and the season is still not here even with the quick breaks, then I will do the Rainbow Rocks review, which will happen after the retros regardless.
Oh, and in Mezza Voce news, I hope to have all the rewrites done and to my editor/pre-reader by this weekend, meaning I can start new stuff! Still no guarantee that they will be released any time before December though. =/ Anyway, you know where the review is.
I've done enough growing up philosophy and prose and frankly, I am a bit prosed out by the antics of the Cutie Mark Crusaders, so let's just cut to the chase. This is another episode in which Applebloom rushes to grow up, just like all the last ones, but this time it's centered on solely her, just like it was in Call of the Cutie. Except, this time we use potions/drugs and everything goes to pot much faster than it normally does. So, let's just get this over with.
CMC x Heavy Balls = Pain
~Story~
The Cutie Pox begins with our intrepid trio of Applebloom, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo en route to their daily cutie mark quest. The disaster area today? Mr. King Pin's Bowling Alley! To the surprise of nobody in the history of forever, the fillies aren't very good at it, however, as Applebloom takes her turn, a colt at the alley beside her rolls a strike and earns a bowling cutie mark for himsel- wait. Did they just... they DID! They put a Big Labowski reference into My Little Pony! o_o Uh... unexpected cameo of the protagonists of an R-rated movie aside... yeah, Applebloom thinks everypony is cheering for her when instead it was the aforementioned colt and this bums her out pretty hard, even after they leave. Her friends try to cheer her up, but it's no use, causing her to wander into the Everfree Forest. I hope her friends left to get help.
While wandering the forest, Applebloom trips on a root and falls down a hill and chips her tooth, giving in to the entry of Zecora! (Yay!) She takes the filly back to her hut and quickly concocts a brew that restores her tooth back to perfect health. This gives the young apple the chance to talk to the zebra and gain inspiration from the notion that Zecora has a potion for just about anything... I can smell where this is going. Sadly, Zecora's screen presence is short-lived and she reveals that she has run out of ingredients for a potion to help an impotent rooster (and not in THAT way, sickos). Presumably the next day, Applebloom goes to school where, to everyone's surprise, she has gained a cutie mark! She calls its a 'Loop-de-hoop' but we all know it's because Hasbro doesn't own the trademark for 'Hoola Hoop' She spends the day showing off her talent (condoned by Ms. Cheerilee, no less. A pox on thee! Hey, I made a rhyme!) and even gets a second for spinning plates, but it rouses no suspicions.
The apple family sees nothing wrong with this though, and congratulate Applebloom as well, boasting about how proud they are of her and how grown-up she is becoming. But a long day of being a ham has tuckered the poor filly out and she retires to bed. That night, Applejack is awoken by a strange sounds and gets up to investigate, only to find her poor, sweet, innocent sister clopping... since there is a tap-dancing cutie mark on her now. What did you think? Perverts. Er, anyway, Applejack does the smart thing and takes the ailing apple to Twilight, who diagnoses her with Cutie Pox (without a medical degree, I might add. Don't make this a habit, Ms. Sparklepants). However, there is no known cure. Over the day, the condition gets worse and worse, sending the town into a panic when they learn of the illness. Zecora comes back with a cure; seeds of a plant that require the truth in order to bloom. They're planted and Pinkie confesses to stealing cupcakes, but it only blooms when Applebloom confesses she stole Zecora's herbs. The plant grown, Applebloom eats it and is cured and learns not to steal. But naturally, patience flies over her head and the trio are back to their shenanigans. The end.
I can see it now: this Loop-De-Hoop fad is really going to... take off.
~Talking Point
I'm not sure what to talk about with this one. The lesson has more or less been done before, and we all know that stealing is wrong. (Well, most of us.) Hrm... Ah! Zecora. Yes, I scarcely get a chance to talk about her, so why not? Even though her last appearance was just in Luna Eclipsed we haven't really seen her in her element, per say, while not being assaulted in mildly racist undertones. In this episode we are treated to a glimpse into zebra magic. From what we know, it's a very naturalist and independent art, meaning one does not need to rely on a horn like unicorns do, nor wings like a pegasus. In fact, Zecora herself might not have a drop of magic in her blood, but her knowledge and understanding, rather, make her powerful, and I like the idea of a magic that any creature can do regardless of race being in the world of Equestria. Chemistry or Alchemy might be the closest real-world related sciences and practices to zebra magic.
"Was your Zebra sense a tinglin'?"
[Cutie pox is, sadly, a very forgettable episode. It has some humor, slapstick and an out-of-left-field reference going for it, but beyond that it's a very safe slice-of-life episode that retreads on grounds we've already trodden on, or can be found in hundreds of other media. Outside of building up zebra magic in the background, almost nothing of interest to continuity or fanfiction plots it to be found.]
Proof that Spike's libido only know one thing: curls. It's probably a fetish.
~Likes/Dislikes~
Without treading on previously covered material myself, let's get on with likes and dislikes. First of all, I really liked the fact that Spike isn't useless. Sure, he causes trouble and is a bit of an ass, but he helps move the plot along in that once scene, and isn't a total waste. Secondly, I liked the fact that they made Applebloom speak French. Most of the show staff are Canadian and French is our second language, but that doesn't mean most of use speak it. Though I did understand Applebloom mostly because of context. Finally, any episode where Diamond Twat and Silver Stain get shown up earns a point to me.
But there were a few things I did not like from this episode. First things first, you could see the morals for this episode approximately from space. They were really easy to figure out, but that may just be because I am old and jaded and have seen this about two dozen times before. I'd also point out Applebloom as a problem, but she was just being a typical kid. No, my problem lies in with everypony else. I mean, something unprecedented like two different cutie marks on a pony happens and nopony thinks it odd enough to investigate to see if it has happened before? Bull s(yay)t! Also, Cheerilee was a total knob this episode by showing favoritism. You can make excuses all you want, but a teacher SHOULD NOT give the spotlight to one student for the whole day unless she was hung over or high at the time.
When words can't express how horrified you are, use this image.
~Conclusion~
So, at the end of the day, what do I think of this episode in particular? Well, for the gripes I had, it was a harmless bit of fun. If you were to slap a hundred cutie marks on my ass, I'd give it a good 78/100. It wasn't anything spectacular, nor was it bad. Overall a very 'meh' episode in almost all respects.
Next week, Rainbow Dash feels a little lonely after finding out she's been excluded from a weekly activity with her friends because she doesn't have a pet. So, with the help of Fluttershy, she seeks to find a pet worthy of her awesomeness, but how? A competition of course! May the Best Pet Win! Until then, this is Ciroton saying, "The truth will set you free... unless it lands you in jail."
If in future there is something you need, just ask. But stay away from my weed.
The problem is that Applebloom is not permitted to retain any sort of lesson for long because they're saving up her getting her cutie mark for (I should think) the cinema film.
That being said, I really do not like her chances of shutting Diamond Tiara up when she does get one. Since the thing about queen bees is that they don't let the target of their aggression win, she'll go from having no cutie mark to having a lame one.