Critique Review: Nightmare Month: Equestrylvania · 4:43pm Oct 29th, 2014
Hello, everypony. I am the Critique! And welcome to another day in Nightmare Month!
Let’s talk about one of the most popular horror/adventure video games of all time. Castlevania!
For those of you who don’t know, Castlevania is a video games series that was first released in 1986 on the Nintendo Entertainment System (NES). The story of the original game was simple. You are Simon Belmont, a descendent of the legendary Belmont clan who has sworn to destroy the lord of darkness, Dracula, from terrorizing the land.
Armed only with his whip and wits, Simon struggles through Dracula’s castle, facing off against various creatures of darkness. Such as Frankenstein’s Monster, flying Medusa heads, living suits of armor, zombies, hell hounds and even Death itself.
The original game on NES was notorious for its difficult, but addictive gameplay. I’ve never beaten the game myself, but I’ve sure as hell spent many hours trying, and if you are looking for a challenging, but enjoyable game, I’d check it out.
As the years went on, the games got weirder and weirder. Sometimes they were great and sometimes they were not so good. I can’t tell you which ones I think are the best or worst since I’ve only played a few of the games.
Besides, I’ll leave that for somepony more qualified to talk about them then me. So, why am I talking about it? Why it’s for our next story that I’m going to review, of course.
This review is a crossover between the Castlevania series and My Little Pony. … Yeah, kind of a weird combo.
The most horrifying and arguably most terrifying series of games meeting the bright and colorful word of Equestria. … I’m not even sure where to go with this.
So, let’s just dig into Equestrylvania by Brony Fife
Our story begins with Twilight receiving a letter from Shining Armor, asking for her help on something, but she isn’t told what.
Damn it, Shining, if you need help opening the pickle jar again, I swear to Celestia!
We then have a cut that’s kind of a weird scene change, but not a scene change at the same time. Its describing events that are going on elsewhere from Twilight Sparkle, but in very vague detail. It’s weird, but creative.
However, I have to ask the point of this prologue. What is even the point of it? It doesn’t feel like it needs to be here and just as easily could have been part of the first chapter, since it just focuses on Twilight on her way to Canterlot.
The only reason for the prologue is to establish the cemetery scene. But overall, it’s covered by Twilight’s scene, so we hardly pay attention to it.
I think the prologue would have been better if it just focused on a scene with the graveyard before we even see our main character, setting the mood for what we are about to witness. I know this works because I’ve seen it in the comic series “Blackest Night.” It starts with a brief scene depicting the rise of the Black Lanterns before we see our main characters.
Twilight finds herself at Canterlot Castle, where Celestia seems to have done some redecorating. Instead of its normal welcoming self. It ends up looking like this…
Huh? I didn’t know Celestia celebrated Nightmare Month… I wonder what kind of candy a princess gives out?
Twilight and Shining meet to discuss what is happening in Canterlot. Shining explains that Celestia has gone missing and that she’s nowhere to be found.
Isn’t it funny how Celestia conveniently disappears when trouble starts brewing? As if to say…
I’m out, yo! Peace!
As Twilight starts to examine the statues of the newly placed castle, she starts to notice some of the creatures the statues depict.
Twilight Sparkle has read about these alien creatures, Homo sapiens.
Well, I’m done. You lost me, story. You lost me. Sorry, I’m done. Human in Equestria. Sorry. Not going to read it anymore. We’re done.
Sir, do you not think you are being a bit closed minded?
Nope. This story is done. It’s done. Human in Equestria. It’s done. We’re done. This story had no chance.
You have not even read the first chapter yet. How are you to know if it is bad or good?
It’s just bad. Human in Equestria. No good.
Sir, you can stop now. I think you have made your point.
Yeah, yeah. Okay.
Everypony, just because a story has a human in Equestria, doesn’t mean it will suck. It just most likely means it will suck. And you should all give them the chance they deserve and review them for the piece of shit that they are.
Okay, that’s the educational part of my review. Now back to yelling profanity.
Before, she had only seen ancient artwork depicting them, or clumsy facsimiles built in their image.
Oh, just wait Twilight, for soon you will be a part of the human world, seeing them up close, being one of them to win a crown in what is the MLP equivalent of High School Musical.
My thoughts exactly.
As they ponder how the castle appeared, they are met with a researcher named Roaring Yawn, a researcher who has to constantly proclaim his intellect is bigger than anypony else’s if you know what I mean.
I suppose he could be worried about Celestia’s disappearance, but not even Twilight is freaking out about it. Or at the very least is not being a dick about it.
Twilight asks if Princess Celestia said anything before she mysteriously disappeared, but Shining says they haven’t heard anything.
Shining Armor shakes his head. "We lost contact with her after the light went away. I was actually kind of hoping she maybe shot you a letter..."
At this, Twilight considers the possibility. She wishes she had brought Spike along, as he is the only one who can receive the Princess' messages.
It’s like I keep telling you guys. Don’t cut Spike from your story. It’s bad juju!
Roaring Yawn looks up at the sun. "The Princess is not here, yet the sun has risen. I assume she's still alive at least."
Yeah… Or Luna could have done it. I assume that because Celestia had control over the moon while her sister was banished that Luna knows how to raise the sun.
Roaring Yawn decides that they need to investigate the castle and discover what is inside. Twilight is against it, but doesn’t see any other options.
We then have Roaring Yawn pushing his intellect in Twilight’s face. Oh, cliché, unlikable, snobbish characters. What would I do without you? Probably have a more interesting character.
As he leaves, his back still to Twilight, he says curtly, "But don't think for a second that you are somehow on our level. You are only here because your brother demanded you to be here. So don't get in the way."
She’s saved fucking Equestria three times! Once from the Princess of the Night, once from the God of fucking Chaos and once from the … Giant evil fart!
She’s the fucking element of Magic and she’s Princess Celestia’s pupil!
What is your resume, smartass?!
Being a dick?! Because that’s all I’ve seen you do!
They get inside the castle and start photographing details of their surroundings to study in the hopes that they can figure out what’s going on.
However, as they search the castle, they find out that none of the residents, including Princess Luna, are there.
As Twilight continues to investigate, she makes a startling discovery.
"You feel it too, don't you?" asks Twilight. "This place isn't just a castle." Her eyes dart about, alert for any suspicious movement, as her voice's volume drops to almost a whisper. "It's alive."
Oh, great. Now you’ve forced me to play this…
You can’t beat the classics.
Twilight then enters a kind of dream sequence (I think, it’s a tad confusing here) where she sees a white rabbit… No. I’m not kidding. She sees a white rabbit.
Funny, I thought this was Castlevania, not Alice in Wonderland. Although, that makes some pretty good crossovers too.
She follows the white rabbit into a tomb of some kind. However, this dream sequence seems really rushed at points. Like it’s trying to tell us what’s going on, but it doesn’t seem to know how to do it. It’s funny because in no other part of the story did I feel like it was lost, but it seems incredibly rushed or doesn’t seemed to know where it’s going.
Knowing exactly what she might see if she does so, Twilight casts a Spell of Light upon her horn, spreading sweet visibility across the room. She is greeted by precisely what she expected, and holds her screams.
There are empty eyes set in empty skulls, empty Homo sapien skulls.
How exactly did she know she was going to see human skulls? I mean, it does establish that she is in a tomb, but it doesn’t mention where the heck this scene came from. And if she is in a dream sequence, then when the hell did that happen? They don’t go back to camp or anything and this is the line before the dream sequence.
Roaring Yawn says nothing, but the look on his face agrees. Shining Armor looks about uncomfortably, his weight shifting from one side to the other while the others are bustling about in their investigation. Inwardly, he hopes to hear back from his men as soon as possible.
I know that you are trying to create a bit of mystery to what is going on, but I don’t feel like it was a very good lead in.
A creature appears from the mounds of corpses and starts chasing Twilight Sparkle.
She then wakes up in bed and tries to calm herself down and in midsentence it cuts to a corpse giving an evil “cupcakes” grin at her and cuts her down.
However, she wakes up back in her bed. Geez, is this some kind of Christopher Nolan trip?!
It’s bad enough we had to end the chapter with a confusing dream sequence, but when we come back, we start with another dream sequence? It’s like the story’s grinding to halt to wait for a row of ducks to pass by before it can move on.
So, Twilight wakes up and the guard explains that she will be having nightmares for a while.
You're going to have flashbacks so real, it'll be like you're time-warping, right back to that moment. In time, those memories will fade."
Wait, so these things have already happened? When in the story did we indicate that was happening, unless it’s some kind of precognition thing, but that would contradict what you just said, since it’s a flashback.
For a well-written story, this seems very poorly executed.
We then get back to the dream sequence, seriously this story jumps around more than a grasshopper on an energy drink, and it shows what happened against the creature that attacked her. Apparently, Shining Armor rushes in to try to help her sister. How does he appear in the tomb? … I have no idea. In fact, it isn’t even made clear how Twilight ended up in the tomb. Did the house just eat them or something?!
Anyway, during the fight Shining is nearly defeated when Twilight’s natural magic kicks in and beats the demon away.
However, it turns out that Shining, during the scuffle, has two single bite marks on his neck. Twilight discovers this and freaks out about the safety of her brother.
Shining Armor reassures her that he will be fine and that some of the medical staff wants to check up on him. However, they warn that Shining is going mad and violent.
Oh, great. Here come the FlutterbatXShining Bat fan fics. Computer, get me some more alcohol.
After Shining Bat is escorted to a hospital, Twilight groups with the investigation team with one of the guards named Tiger Cross (the Cypher Rage of the MLP universe) and Shatterstorm.
Upset about Shining’s Shining moment (A little Stanley Kubrick there), Twilight tries goes out and clear her head with Shatterstorm telling her not to wander off.
Instead, she is forced to examine the giant bat that attacked her brother. How did Shining Armor get beat by this…
It’s easy enough that I was able to kill in my playthrough. In fact it’s the only boss I’ve ever killed.
Anyway, Twilight tries to concentrate, but Intelligent McDickface actually shows some kindness and convinces Twilight to take a couple of weeks off to recover.
"This stuff? It's not going anywhere. Canterlot has just become ground zero for something that has proven itself to be very dangerous. I'm giving you the next two weeks off. Spend time with your friends. Come back refreshed."
Or better yet, bring your friends and the Elements of Harmony. After all, they would be very useful against an agent of darkness, since they already proved useful in turning Discord, who can reshape reality with his left pinky, to stone!
If you are going to shove your intellect to me, Intelligent McDickface, at least have it makes sense!
So, Twilight heads on home to try to clear her mind.
We cut to Ponyville where we met with another character named Roseluck is tending to her garden. However, she can’t shake the feeling that something bad is happening in Canterlot, because of the big black castle that overlooks them.
She talks to Pinkie Pie about what has happened and Pinkie explains that Twilight received a letter to investigate the castle.
She also keeps seeing these weird visions, as if the castle is staring at her. Oh, great the castle is turning into Monster House.
We then cut to Fluttershy who is doing pretty well considering a dark castle is now on the horizon. Any other story would have had her faint and only the power of sex could have woken her up. As she tends to her animal friends, she starts to become worried about the whole thing, stating that the sunset isn’t right.
There’s too much purple, it off sets the other colors.
Things aren’t made better when the animals start acting aggressive and Fluttershy can do nothing to calm them down. They attack Fluttershy, but she is able to get away by hiding under the bed… Not sure how this would work. Do the animals just don’t go under the bed because that’s monster territory? Don’t want to step on their turf or something?
We then cut to a cemetery where a pony named Dirt Nap. Wow, your parents must have really hated you, didn’t they? Why don’t they just name you ‘Our Mistake’ while they’re at it? Was your father hanging over your crib each night with a knife in his hoof, planning to give you your Cutie Mark?
Or we could go for a more slang term not used often; do you go around taking shit on everypony’s bed?
Or are you supposed to be the Grim Reaper? Because that would be the only way your name would be slightly cooler. And by slightly, I mean, still stupid.
Anyway, Dirt Nap is described to us as a very ugly pony.
He digs graves, keeps the cemetery, and so on. His appearance of hunched back, black coat, pale white pelt, a single dead eye, a face of welts and warts, and greasy black mane covered in a wide-brimmed black hat did nothing to dissuade others of his creepiness.
Ah, so the cliché gravedigger. You know, just once I’d love to see a gravedigger that was looked like Orlando fucking Bloom.
It goes on about how he knows everypony in town and that they will one day be buried here.
It is how he knows that they will all be buried here one day, buried right here in his cemetery.
Unless, some of them weren’t born in Ponyville and wish to be buried where they were born. Or is this the only cemetery in Equestria? You’d think you’d hit the center of the earth by then, unless you bury current ponies corpses with other corpses like a landfill. In which case, I request to be buried by Rarity… Oh, yeah…
His whole point in life is to bury the dead and that scared other ponies. He's never looked at his cutie mark with pride as others did theirs. His cutie mark is a curse: it warns others that he would bury them one day, and that terrifies them. But if he buried everypony else, who would be left to bury him? Such a curse, to have been made lonely by his own talent.
Yes, because I’m sure that out all the bajillions (I don’t care if it’s not a word) of ponies out there, there is only one who is a pony who can run a graveyard. Just like Miss Cheerilee is the only fucking elementary teacher in Equestria. I’d imagine her classes would look like this …
He notices the sun going down as if something bad has happened and the sun almost fades from existence. Well, good luck with global freezing.
As he watches the graveyard, the tombstones start to shake violently, as the dead start to rise from their graves.
He makes his way for this hut and prepares to defend himself. However, the zombie horde surrounds his house and rams at the walls and doors to make their way in.
We then cut back to Canterlot where Twilight is about to leave for Ponyville to try to relax. As she leaves, she wonders about what to tell Cadance about her husband.
As the night falls, the group looks up to the sky to realize that this isn’t the same night that Luna brings and that there is something wrong with it. Twilight gets on the chariot, but before it can get far, it is cut from the sky by a being with a scythe and dark cloak.
We then cut to Applejack, where her family is traveling to a hidden passage way until the whole thing blows over. Applejack volunteers to stay behind, claiming that she wants to know what’s going on. Her family disapproves, fearing for her safety, but Applejack heads out anyway to find out if there is any way she can help her friends.
We then cut back to Twilight as she falls from the carriage. Fortunately, Tiger Cross (still a stupid name) rescues her before she can hit the ground. However, the same can’t be said for Scatterstorm.
When they find Scatterstorm, he seems to have lost his marbles…
Shatterstorm begins to cry. "No, Momma," he moans in a small, childlike voice, "Not again, don't, don't do it again, Momma..."
Yeah, I have those moments too. Mostly with my dad and a skin tight suit. … That was a weird Thanksgiving.
The hooded figure attacks again, but Tiger Cross decides to fight it. With what? Your bare hooves? I can see that going well. Though if a normal human with a knife can kill Celestia, anything is possible.
He tells Twilight to run back to Ponyville and get help.
Then Twilight starts to re-experience some of worst moments … or I guess I should say, ponies of her life. Ponies that have wronged her in anyway. I wonder what would happen if…
Quesada!
Miller!
MYYYYYYYYKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!
… Sorry about that… Saw some things… Let’s move on…
Tiger Cross is able to snap her out of it and gets her moving onto Ponyville.
Also, the reason why she kept seeing ponies that wronged her. Yeah, not really explained. It just kind of a tool used to set up for Shatterstorm’s story arc, but I’ll get to him later.
Twilight rushes with a still confused Shatterstorm and finds that Ponyville, which is just a convenient half hour walk away as established by so many other stories, is in ruins and chaos.
Twilight makes her way into the town and finds a group of ponies in need of help.
Without a second's hesitation, the living corpse is reduced to ash by a burst of magic fire. The filly looks up into the eyes of her savior.
"...Are you an angel?" asks the filly, between sobs.
Twilight lifts her up onto her back. The filly looks curiously at Shatterstorm floating nearby in a magenta glow, currently unconscious. As Twilight shoots forth deeper into the town, she quips, "Close enough."
Damn fucking straight, girlfriend. Now if you had killed that Kezzerdrix in the last review, I’d be happy.
All around Ponyville we see other members of the main six rescuing various ponies in the city. Okay, other stories I’ve reviewed, I want you to pull out a note pad and a pen and start taking notes.
THIS IS HOW THE MAIN SIX SHOULD BE ACTING! They aren’t waiting around for some ‘hero’ to come and save them! They are actually taking initiative! You know, like heroes do!
We see Rainbow Dash rescue Lyra, we see Rarity saving her little sister, Pinkie Pie is helping escort the injured and their families to hospitals, and we see Applejack saving Rarity and Sweetie Belle, to which Applejack gets a pretty badass introduction.
Suddenly, there comes a whoop from nowhere, and an orange bolt of godlike might and indignation shoots down from above.
That was cosmic… I want a badass introduction like that! Computer, write for me a badass introduction.
Could take a while.
Shut up!
And Pinkie Pie beats the fuck out of a rapist!
… Okay, I know I’ve dealt with this for the last four weeks. But I’ve got to say, having Pinkie Pie go RoboCop on this stallion’s dick… makes me smile…
She really does make me smile, smile, smile!
We then cut to Fluttershy who is still hiding under her bed. She discovers that her demon possessed animals have left and she figures that they have gone to terrorize the rest of the town. Despite being afraid, Fluttershy heads out to see what she can do to help.
Fluttershy is then confronted by her Angel, but Angel seems to be acting normal where the other animals weren’t. It turns out that Angel found a golden cross earlier that day and that’s why she’s behaving normally. Angel pantomimes the events that took place and says that the animals cornered her, but after seeing the cross they ran away.
Fluttershy figures she can use the cross to get the animals under control and she and Angel head to town.
We then cut to Sweet Apple Acres where a mysterious man, a dog and a woman are searching for a set of ribs by request of their master, Dracula.
It turns out that the mysterious man is actually Death, one of Dracula’s most powerful and loyal servants. And the woman is named Actrise, a witch from the Castlevania series (at least according to Wikipedia). They continually search the place until Death’s dog finally finds what they are looking for.
As the dog digs up their prize, they discuss what to do about Twilight Sparkle who defeated one of Dracula’s servants. Actrise believes that Twilight could be a threat, but Death reassures her that she is far from it, especially without Celestia, and that they will have little trouble taking over Equestria.
However, Death agrees that if Twilight should try to hinder their plans again that Actrise would be more than a match for her. Actrise agrees if only to silence Death.
It is then revealed what happened to Tiger Cross during his battle with Death.
Yeah, apparently Death keeps his victims cutie marks after he’s killed them. He’s making a new cape out of them.
We then cut to Roseluck, who has barricaded herself in her apartment building, but it unable to get out. Monsters begin to pound on her door and she waits for them all to end her life, as she feels like it’s hopeless.
Just as the monsters enter the room and earthquake occurs and see ends up seeing the source of said tremor, but we aren’t yet told what.
Back at Sweet Apple Acres, Dirt Nap, somehow, escaped the zombie horde.
He comes across Death, Actrise and the Ghost Dog and watches them from afar. However, the Ghost Dog senses him and gives chase to him, easily catching him, and brings him face to face with his master.
Dirt Nap is interrogated by the two, and convinces him that Celestia and society have abandoned him.
Believe me, which is a lot easier to believe than you would think.
However, Death offers him a chance to belong and asks him to join Dracula and help him in his resurrection. Dirt Nap, longing for acceptance, agrees.
In Ponyville, Pinkie Pie is continuing to help ponies, including her extended family the Cakes (nice to see them for a change), make it to hospitals and shelters. When suddenly a large creature that looks like this appears.
If that’s not scary, I don’t know what is.
Okay, it’s not Iron Will. It’s actually more demonic looking.
Pinkie Pie tries to distract it to keep it away from civilians. So, what does she do to distract them? She tells it a joke.
… Okay, I’ll give you points for making me laugh at a good scene in fan fiction. That’s actually really difficult to do.
And I can’t argue with the results, since the monster chases Pinkie Pie like she just insulted his mother. However, the creature is quickly gaining on Pinkie Pie, when all of the sudden, Rainbow Dash rams into the creature, crushing its ribs.
Pinkie Pie doesn’t take the creature’s death well.
Now, this is a very good scene where Pinkie Pie breaks down and admits that they had to get rough on the bad guys, but they never resorted to murder. Rainbow Dash comforting her.
However, before they get very far, the creature gets up and roars at them. … What? They’re like the monsters in the game. They just never die.
We then cut back to Death and the others where Applejack is seen taking down Death’s dog. Death attempts to murder Applejack for killing his friend, but Applejack is able outwit him and avoid his attack. Actrise tries to help, but Applejack proves too quick and steals the rib from them.
I know this is supposed to make Applejack cool and all, and don’t get me wrong, I’m all for that, but this just makes Death and Actrise kind of suck.
As Applejack disappears, Death orders Actrise to find her and retrieve the missing piece, while he goes to find the others.
Actrise disagrees with this since a non-magical pony is beneath her talents.
Oh, yeah, bitch! That non-magical pony just whipped your ass and outwitted Death! I think she’s earned your respect! Earth Ponies forever, mother buckers!
Dirt Nap, being the newest servant and has a desire to prove his worth, requests that he be the one to retrieve the rib, since he already has a great hatred for the Apple Family. Particularly, Applejack.
Dracula’s spirit then appears and grants Dirt Nap the powers of Hell.
We then cut back to Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie as they attempt to outrun the behemoth. They manage to trick the behemoth into one of the buildings and the rubble crushes nearby zombies that were threatening the town.
Pinkie Pie then discovers that Roseluck is still in danger and makes an effort to rescue her.
Meanwhile, Twilight travels to the library to check on Spike and to hopefully bring order to the town. She finds Spike and many of her friends, including Applejack, Rarity and Sweetie Belle.
Applejack reveals the bone she found at Sweet Apple Acres and explains (briefly for those of you who know I hate retreads of stuff we just read) how she received it.
A creature attacks the library before any of them can catch their breath and Twilight manages to teleport everypony just out of the building. The creature then demands the ribs from Twilight.
For the hundredth time, the McRib is a seasonal item!
The creature attacks the group, but Applejack and Twilight are able to repel it.
The fiery monster attached to Dirt Nap lifts its arms and howls. In an instant, all the nearby houses are set aflame with the sound of a roaring lion proclaiming its victory. "Look at all this power!" Dirt Nap declares as the neighborhood erupts. "I’m like a god! You honestly think you could 'end' me? You have no chance!"
Because they defeated a God who can warp reality how he wants? And what do you do? Fire? Oh, I’m sure Bowser would be impressed.
And then Twilight starts to talk to Dirt Nap, asking why he wants to destroy them. Dirt Nap explains that he just wanted to be loved and when he didn’t receive it, he demanded retribution. However, Twilight points out a flaw in his quest for revenge.
"Because you were never a good pony."
Dirt Nap blinked. "What?!"
"You never stopped to say hello, you never went out of your way to help anypony. You never acted friendly towards anypony. You did your job, but you never helped yourself, and you never helped anypony else in any way." Twilight stands up straight, looking at Dirt Nap right in the eye. "That's why you don't have friends, Dirt Nap."
Oh, so Dirt Nap is actually Mykan in disguise. Yes, I already made a Mykan joke in this review, but how could I not take this opportunity?
Yeah, while I’m not opposed to Twilight talking down an opponent, this is really weird. Anyway, Dirt Nap, pissed off about the flaw in logic, attacks Twilight. Applejack manages to protect her, and before Dirt Nap can take the rib, Twilight teleports it to the “End Zone”, the final level in one of the Sonic games.
Rarity, Spike and Sweetie Belle manage to escape while Twilight and Applejack deal with the creature.
We then cut to Scootaloo who is trying to escape a group of creatures, but gets cornered by them. However, thanks to Fluttershy and her magic cross, Scootaloo is able to get to safety.
Meanwhile, Twilight and Applejack battle the creature, but it proves too powerful for them. Twilight asks Applejack to run and get to safety, while she figures out a way to defeat. Applejack refuses, saying that she is not about to abandon her.
"Remember when we went after Nightmare Moon?" interrupts Twilight. "And I was about to fall off a cliff to what I thought would be my death? And you looked me in the eye, and told me to let go? I trusted you, and I was safe." Twilight looks Applejack right in the eyes as Aguni begins to scratch and pound on the shield like an angry tiger. "Do you trust me, Applejack?"
Must… not … succumb… to … easy… joke…
Applejack feels tears forming in her eyes. Her throat clenches as fire climbs all around the forcefield.
"Do you trust me?"
Must … resist… must… oh, fuck it.
I can show you the world! Shining, shimmering, splendid! Tell me, princess, now when did you last let your heart decide? I can open your eyes.
Clop fic-ers are going to love this one.
A whole new world! A dazzling place I never knew!
Applejack listens to Twilight and darts off, in which Applejack discovers the “End Zone” is actually on top of her head, under her hat.
Rarity, Spike and Sweetie Belle get pinned down by zombies and Spike offers to make a heroic sacrifice to save them.
Bye, Spike. Have a nice after-life!
Oh, I kid. Rarity actually berates Spike for this, saying that she would rather them die together than live on without him. However, Spike says that it is his honor to defend his lady. Spike charges in and before he can be torn to shreds, Fluttershy arrives and repels the creatures.
And everyone wonders why you are useless, Spike.
What did I do?!
Meanwhile, Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie battle the behemoth in another part of the city. However, they get pinned down by the creature and with Roseluck bleeding out, Pinkie Pie realizes that Rainbow Dash needs to get her to a hospital or she could die. Pinkie Pie is able to distract the creature, so Rainbow Dash can get Roseluck to safety.
However, the creature pins down Pinkie Pie and it looks like it might be the end for her.
Suddenly, Fluttershy appears to stop the behemoth in its tracks just before it can devour Pinkie Pie.
Back with Twilight, she is seen battling Dirt Nap, playing keep away long enough for Applejack to get as far away from them as possible. However, Twilight realizes that she can’t keep teleporting away forever and knows she has to come up with a plan.
She lures him to a lake and quickly douses his fire.
Looks like Dirt Nap is now… Maud Pie…
Dirt Nap feels that he’s toyed with Twilight long enough and wants nothing but to incinerate her. However, she has access to the “End Zone” so he can’t kill her without losing access to the rib.
A nearby child starts crying and Dirt Nap feels he can use it as leverage to get Twilight to do what he wants.
Twilight agrees to his terms and says she will bring back the rib if he spares the child. Of course, knowing that Dirt Nap may still hurt the child even if he gets the rib back, Twilight tries stalling until she figures out a way to beat Dirt Nap and protect the filly.
The distraction comes in the form of his behemoth charging straight at him. With this, Twilight is able to grab the filly and get her to safety. However, Dirt Nap is not so lucky.
Looks like Dirt Nap is taking a… dirt nap…
I thought it was funny, sir.
Shut up, Computer.
Twilight tries to outrun the behemoth, but starts to slowly pass out. She is saved at the last minute by a stallion who comes right out of nowhere.
The night finally ends and the ponies come out to experience what Tokyo must feel like after Godzilla just spent the night. At the hospital, the stallion introduces himself to the main six as Aeon, a man who exists out of time and keeps balance. So, kind of like the Doctor from Doctor Who.
Pinkie Pie explains that she met Aeon some time ago and that they had an adventure together which Pinkie was able to save her own life. I would say it was in another story, but I have yet to find it. Which makes it seem out of place since we never actually saw this adventure. The only thing it does explain is the appearance of the cross which Aeon had given to Pinkie because he knew somepony would need it. But that would have been nice to have been seen, even in an extended story.
They ask Aeon about what’s going on and why the rib is so important. Aeon explains that the rib is part of the body of Dracula and that his servants have been collecting them as part of a ritual to bring him back from the dead. Well, dead from the undead. I know, it’s confusing.
He explains the history of the Belmont clan and their relationship with Dracula. Dracula would try to terrorize the world and Belmonts would always be there to stop him. However, Richter Belmont went mad after being forced to kill his loved one, who was tainted by Dracula.
Pfft, that’s nothing. Loved ones of the Belmonts get killed all the time in Castlevania games. Just ask Leon Belmont, who was forced to kill his loved one and watch his best friend betray him because it turned out his best friend was *spoilers*
After the Belmonts were defeated by themselves, someone in the human world had sent the pieces of Dracula’s corpse into separate dimensions in the hopes that they would never be used to resurrect him. However, Dracula’s minions discover this and set out to tear apart the worlds they fell upon.
I wonder if they ever ran into Unicornicopia. That would sure make that story a hell of a lot better. Especially the part where Rhymey’s stupid face gets… Sorry, got to stop that.
Aeon also explains that Princess Celestia is alive, but she has fled their dimension.
Screw you guys. I’m going home.
Okay, that’s not what really happened.
Celestia has written a letter confirming Aeon’s story and confirming that she and Luna are alive. She explains how dire the situation is and how she is unable to help them. However, she offers some encouraging words and an uplifting speech.
Yeah, I’m sure they’ll remember that when they’re getting their lungs ripped out of their chests. What they hell are you and Luna doing anyway?!
We then get a scene where Pinkie Pie convinces Aeon to reveal his true human form for Lyra. While it is pretty pointless to the overall plot of things, I’m mentioning because this seems like a realistic thing for Pinkie Pie to do. While I don’t understand Lyra’s weird obsession with human hands, if she did have it, and Pinkie Pie had access to it, and knew it would make her smile, Pinkie Pie do everything in her power to provide that in order to make a friend of her’s smile.
If you are going to do a pointless scene, have it make sense why it is there. This is a perfect example of a ‘pointless scene’ that works. And even then, it’s not really that pointless, since it shows us great character development by both Aeon, who is generous enough to let Lyra see him in his human form and Pinkie, who convinces him to do this seemingly little thing to lift somepony’s spirit after a crisis!
We then get a good dose of what the Rithmatist is about (for those of you who are interested in that book) as Twilight instructs several unicorns about magically conjuring a strong enough force field to last them the night, in case the creatures come back.
And I would just like to take a moment about how impressed I am with this story’s writing. It’s very descriptive, there is good action, the grammar and spelling is very…
"See you guys tomorro,"
Meanwhile, Applejack arrives at Sweet Apple Acres to survey the damage. Applejack is worried about how they are going to survive after the devastation the farm took as well as the apple orchard, but Granny Smith simply says that they will just rebuild.
Applejack looks to her grandmother, fighting her tears. "B-But... but it'd take years b'fore any new trees'll produce any more apples. Y'might..." Her voice drops to a whisper, dreading what she is about to say. "Y'might not live long 'nuff t'see this orchard git back up on her hooves."
Oh, please, if Equestria has taught me anything it’s that the soil here is fertile enough that you’ll have apple trees shooting out apples by the end of the week.
Meanwhile, Big Mac is helping find survivors and escorting the dead to a bonfire to be burned so they don’t come back as zombies. Also, since nopony else in all of Equestria knows how to run a graveyard and since Twilight kind of killed the last one, nopony knows how to dig a pony sized hole.
Twilight makes her way back to the hospital where Spike asks her to try and rest. Twilight is about to do so when she overhears Shatterstorm and Rainbow Dash bickering.
Rainbow Dash looks to her friend. "Twi, why'd you have to let this guy help me?! He's a total asshat!"
Hey, only I can use vulgar language in my review! If everypony started doing it, I’d be out of a job!
Twilight berates Rainbow Dash for being pigheaded and explains that they will need all the help they can get if they are to defeat Dracula.
Shatterstorm leaves after some more bickering with Rainbow Dash and Twilight follows him. He starts to explain his relationship with his mother, who he mentioned before.
I swear if this is a child abuse scene… I’m gonna yell about it.
Actually, it turns out that Shatterstorm had been manipulated by mares all his life. Oh, so it’s Damion’s story. … Wow, going all the way back.
Shatterstorm breaks down claiming that he is useless. Spike comes in and starts to encourage Shatterstorm, saying that he knows what it’s like to be viewed that way.
"But, you gotta remember, nopony's ever really worthless. Sure, we all do dumb things and we screw up, and ponies we know and love are gonna get hurt by our mistakes. But on the other hand, we'll do things that help in the long run. We go out of our way to help anypony that needs it, and make 'em happy.
"You might have failed a few times in the past, and you're gonna fail again, sure. But even if you fail ninety-nine times out of a hundred, the one success you make might be all it takes to change the world.
"I dunno what went on between you and your mom, and I don't know why mares treat you like dirt. But that's all in the past. They can't hurt you anymore." Spike slowly leans in. "You can't let them keep hurting you. What they did to you in the past should never keep you from doing the right thing, right now."
… Wow… That was a trip. I haven’t felt this good since that coke high.
Fluttershy returns to her cottage to bury several of her animal friends after the night’s chaos. Fluttershy believes that because she wasn’t able to save any of them that she is a coward. Aeon arrives and explains to Fluttershy that the work she was able to do saved many last night. Fluttershy has a hard time accepting this since it was Angel that found the cross that helped her.
However, Aeon explains that if Angel had not found her alive, than it was unlikely that anypony she cared about would have survived the night. Fluttershy accepts this and joins Aeon as they head back to the hospital to help who they can.
At the hospital, Sweetie Belle begins to have a panic attack and claims that they are all going to die. Scootaloo and Apple Bloom try to calm her down, but it’s finally when Rarity arrives that she begins to listen to reason.
Meanwhile, Spike begins to gather some supplies for the force field spell while Twilight rests.
Twilight, after gaining a few hours rest, meets with Roseluck. Roseluck explains the visions she keeps having and Twilight explains that she has been having them as well. She tells Twilight that the castle has marked her for an enemy and that it wants to completely destroy her.
Because apparently the giant behemoth and the flaming Dirt Nap wasn’t clear enough.
Rainbow Dash hears about Shining Armor and asks Twilight why she didn’t hear about it until now. Shatterstorm tries to answer for her, but the two just bicker about it. Twilight, finally able to calm Rainbow Dash and Shatterstorm down, explains that there was a lot on her mind and not a lot they could do to help him. Rainbow Dash says that she still would have liked to have known since she wants to support them.
And here something I’d like to bring up. Many readers have pointed out that some of the characters seem a little out of character in some points here. And they kind of are. But it works for this particular situation.
Allow me to explain, they have just gone through a crisis. A crisis that dealt with monsters, demons, zombies, Death, and running around trying to protect ponies as best they can. Most, if not all of them, have not gotten any sleep since the whole thing started. They are exhausted, tired, probably hungry, mentally and spiritually drained. It shows in their actions and their dialogue. Most of the characters are easily irritated or say things that they wouldn’t normally.
I know I’m the first to jump when a character doesn’t act like their normal selves, but here, it doesn’t bother me, because the situation where they don’t act completely in character is justified. You don’t expect them to act 100% due to what they have experienced. None of these characters have ever encountered something like this before and they are trying to cope with it the best that they can. This obviously leads to some character moments where they feel like they are the same characters we know, but just a little different because it is not a normal situation for the characters.
And this story does that part extremely well. While Rainbow Dash is easily irritated or Twilight leaving on a sour note in this and several other scenes, it’s easy to relate to because the situation they have been through is overwhelming.
Okay, back to the story. As I said, Twilight leaves the hospital room just wanting to be left alone.
Twilight starts a list of things that Intelligent McDickface might need to know when her friends come in to check on her. They find out that Intelligent McDickface is actually quite attractive and that Twilight and he would make a cute couple.
Hey, any couple would be better developed than half the OC’s I read about. Or Flash Sentry for that matter.
"There's too much estrogen in here. I'm gonna be right outside."
Rainbow Dash smirks. "Whatsamatter, Shatters? Afraid your balls are gonna fall off if you stay too long?"
Geez, Rainbow Dash has kind of a potty mouth on her. I wonder… Naw, naw… That’d be stupid.
Five days pass after the attack on Ponyville and the rebuilding process has begun. Twilight continues to study the rib in hopes of finding a way to track the other pieces and obtain them before Dracula’s crew do, but without much success.
Spike beings to worry about her, saying that she has foregone sleep, food and even restroom breaks to finish her project.
As Twilight is about to take a break, somepony decided they didn’t want to hang around anymore.
Inside the room, there is a body hanging from a noose. The sound it makes as it swings lazily from the ceiling beam reminds Rainbow Dash of gritting teeth.
Oh, let’s see if I can milk this scene for all its worth with a hastily rushed fan fic to drive emotion! … Like other fics I’ve reviewed…
Rainbow Dash doesn’t take the death well and Aeon tries talking to her. Rainbow Dash says that she’s always prided herself on helping others in their time of need and that for once, she feels powerless.
Aeon explains that it is natural, but Rainbow Dash doesn’t want to hear it.
After that, Rainbow Dash continues to guard the rib with Twilight researching it. Not too far away, Scootaloo is speaking with Shatterstorm and Rainbow Dash overhears that Shatterstorm and Rainbow Dash would make a cute couple.
Oh, is this romantic sitcom I’m hearing?! I can just see it now…
Rainbow Dash is a tough tom-boy who is loyal to the end. Shatterstorm is arrogant stallion, searching for something to fill the void of his lost friend. A force will drive these two to bicker. A force named Scootaloo. But will they see how much they need each other or will Scootaloo have to perform a magic love potion on them?
Tune in to our new show, Love Hurts.
The ratings would be huge.
However, Rainbow Dash doesn’t think so, as she snaps at Scootaloo. However, she quickly feels bad about it after Scootaloo runs off. Geez, Rainbow Dash has got a little too much sand in her vagina.
Scootaloo runs into Pinkie Pie and Pinkie Pie explains that Rainbow Dash simply overreacted. Okay, there is a fine line between overreacting and blatant out of character moments. You are on the border.
We cut to Sweetie Belle who is still trying to recover from everything that has happened. Rarity is trying her best to comfort her, but Sweetie Belle isn’t doing much better.
It turns out that Sweetie Belle has been poisoned by an unknown arcane element and the doctors are unable to help. Rarity demands them to find an antidote, but the doctors don’t even know where to start to save her.
However, it seems that Sweetie Belle isn’t the only pony to be affected by the strange poison as begins to affect other children, including Apple Bloom. Maybe they are actually in a dream sequence where Luna sings to them and takes them into her night. Wouldn’t that be a twist?
Aeon goes off to check on Twilight to see what kind of progress she’s made. Pinkie Pie and Scootaloo meet with him and say that they need to find Rainbow Dash.
Aeon goes off to check on Twilight to see what kind of progress she’s made. Pinkie Pie and Scootaloo meet with him and say that they need to find Rainbow Dash.
Aeon goes off to check on… wait… Have I done this before? … Déjà vu…
Actually, that’s exactly what is going on. Aeon starts to re-experience scenes from a few moments ago. However, he is the only one who can notice the time loop.
A pony named Marble attacks Shatterstorm as he guards over the rib. After knocking Shatterstrom out, she confronts Twilight and demands her to give her the rib.
Rainbow Dash and Applejack overhear the attack and try to go and help, but before they can get far, a time loop occurs preventing them from getting to Twilight.
Aeon quickly realizes what is going on and goes through the hospital to confront the creature. It turns out the white rabbit from earlier is a Chronomage and is controlling time and space to serve Dracula’s goal. Aeon quickly attacks the Chronomage in the hopes of restoring time to normal.
Back to Twilight, Marble explains that the poison in the hospital was her doing and that if Twilight wants the cure that will save the children, she will surrender the rib. Twilight, not seeing many alternatives, surrenders the rib to her.
Just before Twilight can get the cure, Marble says that Twilight must escort her out of the hospital safely otherwise, she will forfeit the cure. Twilight, seeing an opportunity since her opponent is merely doing this to rub her victory over in her in her face, agrees, in the hopes of coming up with a plan before Marble can get away with her plan.
Meanwhile, Aeon and the Chronomage continue to do battle, almost mirroring each other. The Chronomage taunts him as he draws out the battle longer and longer.
After a while, Aeon figures out why. A tear in the time has become bigger and this fight is just a distraction so he wouldn’t notice.
Aeon quickly ends the fight and finds the tear in time and uses all the magic he has to repair it.
As Twilight and Applejack escort Marble down the hallway, Twilight racks her brain to come up with a plan to outwit Marble. She can’t attack Marble since that would destroy the bottle. If she tried to steal the bottle, it would be destroyed. If any spell she had targeted the bottle, it would be destroyed. However, she comes up with the plan of stealing the liquid away from the bottle without Marble knowing. (which in the grand scheme of things will all come to nothing)
Twilight goes through her mind and finds the answer she is looking for after talking with her giant Smartypants doll. … What? I’ve seen weirder shit.
In the Cemetery of Ponyville, which is still looking for new management, Aeon and the Chronomage still battle to see who is the master of time.
But neither one of them will win. We all know who the master of time really is.
Aeon starts to lose badly and after being tossed around like a rag doll, the Chronomage leaves him to continue his mission.
Meanwhile, Bon Bon leaves the hospital feeling down after what nearly happened to Lyra. However, she runs into Aeon and Aeon manages to convince her to help him. It turns out a group of lanterns have been scattered around the graveyard and that Bon Bon needs to destroy them.
They will then pop out hearts which Bon Bon uses for ammo of her secondary weapon. Such as the Knife or the axe.
Bon Bon starts to destroy the lanterns, but as she does, mud creatures attack Bon Bon, making it more difficult for her.
However, after outwitting the mud creatures, Bon Bon destroys the last of the lanterns, which allows Aeon to recover his strength. Aeon tells Bon Bon to go back to the hospital and wait for him. Meanwhile, he does the Doctor body recovery thing.
Also, one thing I forgot to mention is this Applejack’s father subplot. During the night, it turns out that Applejack’s father had killed several children. Applejack and Big MacIntosh are upset over this, blaming themselves and feeling this tarnishes their family name. However, her father was a walking corpse.
Yeah, kind of seeing the problem.
This scene that is supposed to be difficult for Applejack and Big Mac doesn’t feel justified. I know they knew their father, but it says that he was laid to rest a long time ago and that he had been a corpse for years. Putting aside how his body managed to hold up that they recognized him out of his grave, he had lost his mind when he became a zombie. Any part of him that was him was gone when they buried him.
So, this scene makes no sense! This emotional moment has no merit for me because it wasn’t established very well, it has no reason to be here, doesn’t further the story or develop the characters, and it is out of place since there is no reason for them to feel the way they do, since their father had been dead for years and that the zombies have no humanity.
But whatever, back to the story, Applejack beats herself up for her father’s body being used as a killing tool, again makes no sense to me why she would feel that way.
As Applejack leaves the hospital, Big Mac runs into her and talks to her. Applejack says she wants nothing but to kill Marble, believe me I feel the same way, but Big Mac manages to talk her out of it, saying that they are better ponies than that.
Suddenly, the Doctor comes out of his Tardis and… Oh, wait, it’s just Aeon.
Aeon appears and asks to see Twilight and Applejack briefly explains what has happened.
Meanwhile, as Twilight and Marble make their way to the hospital exit, Marble continues to mock her and Twilight pushes it out of her mind as best she can.
Applejack asks Aeon why he doesn’t just fix everything by traveling in time, but Aeon says it doesn’t work that way. Marble continues to insult the others and we find out that Marble this whole time has been Actrise.
Ha, I see what you did there.
Actrise gets outside and before she can give the potion to them, she teleports it away, laughing manically, feeling that she has won. However, it turns out that she teleported it to Applejack’s hat? Okay...
It turns out that Actrise had tried to manipulate the real Marble into performing the task, however, when she refused, Actrise stepped in instead. She manages to convince Marble to follow orders, for if she doesn’t, she will kill Big Mac.
Back at the hospital, Twilight and the others administer the cure, which brings everypony back from the brink.
Back at the castle, the Chronomage reveals that they have lost the ability to feel Dracula’s influence. Death appears before the two and doesn’t seem too happy about them. Death reveals that Twilight had outwitted Actrise by casting a spell; while she believed it was something else.
Anyway, Death explains that he is not pleased with her and orders her to go ‘cupcakes’ on Twilight or he will go ‘cupcakes’ on her.
Back at the hospital, Twilight explains that her plan to null the enemies ability to sense Dracula, forcing them to scout the land aimlessly to find their master’s body parts, buying them an infinite amount of time.
However, it turns out that before Twilight could save the all the children Actrise killed several of them and left them for Twilight to find.
… Thanks for that image… That’s… nice…
… I need a moment…
…
…
…
…
Okay, I’m good…
That was actually a powerful scene. Very emotional and very heartbreaking. This scene showed us that the main six failed. Something that is so rarely done well in stories. It shows for the first time that the main six and the citizens of Equestria are completely vulnerable. And it is done spectacularly.
…
…
… Too bad it’s completely undermined by the epilogue. Yeah, the epilogue undermines this very powerful moment.
We see all these positive things going on. Sweetie Belle recovering, the Apples visiting the graves their parents, Fluttershy’s animals return to normal, Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash promising to remember the children who died to their enemy, and Twilight stating her resolve to bring down Dracula.
This should have been the moment that broke the main six’s spirits. They are supposed to be the heroes of Equestria and they failed. Even with all their planning, all their skills, and all their effort they failed. This should hit them a lot harder than it does in this epilogue. They act like it’s an everyday occurrence when it should be something that cripples them.
I know that you are trying to end on a positive note, but any positive note you end on, unless it is the kids miraculously come back to life, it’s going to undermine what just happened. There should be 127 sets of parents banging on Twilight door demanding to know what happened and why their children had to die.
This should be a very defeating moment for these characters and I never felt that this situation was a big deal for them, so why should it be a big deal for me? Maybe it’s explained better in the sequels, but it would have been so much better if the story had ended before the epilogue.
THIS STORY…
…is actually pretty damn good.
While there are parts that I didn’t like and some things that I do question, there was a lot to enjoy in this story.
It had great atmosphere, good pacing, a great cast, good action and it was downright scary.
The story was dripping with atmosphere, giving you a sense of hopelessness as the story progressed. It was constantly keeping you on your toes and constantly frightening you.
And while there are references to the Castlevania series throughout, it never felt overwhelmed at any time. It flowed with the story and explained only what was necessary. And even if you’ve never heard of Castlevania, it gave enough details to the vague references that you wouldn’t be lost, or it was universal enough to make sense.
The only time I felt that the references were bad was in the middle with the ‘Super Mario’ reference. If someone had never played that game, they wouldn’t understand the reference, but that’s nitpicking.
Like I said, the ending hurt it a bit for me, because it tried to be dark and emotional, but then instantly trying to be light hearted. That’s like saying “Oh, your daddy died. Oh, look puppy!”
That doesn’t work for me and it kills the emotion we’re supposed to feel.
Overall, an enjoyable story if you are looking for something scary and dark, with plenty of twist, turns and surprises. If you haven’t had a chance to check it out this Nightmare Month, make sure you do it next one.
And that is Nightmare Month. Thank you all for joining me. We had some fun here this night. But I must rest for a year. The night is near its end, making way for the sunlight. And like all creatures of the night, I must sleep until the nightmares come again.
I have the original Castlevania on the Wii, and I made it to level 3. Now the game sadly won't work (it's fucking awesome and addictive.) The difficulty was extreme, but the infinite continues kept me going.
Also, aren't you forgetting this?:
2562300 I made it to level 2. That's about all I could muster out of the game. ... Yeah, I suck at video games. However, I did still enjoy it and I enjoy watching "Let's Plays" of the games. Whenever I get the chance.
I, personally, like the Simon theme more.
Played this while reading the review. Hm... Mane 6 failing to do save somepony eh? *writes down idea for later chapter for current Marvel/MLP story*
2562336 Did ya read get that story I sent ya?
2562336
I wish I could continue.
Nightmare Month is at an end
but I look forward to whatever comes next 
But that's part of the fun and the risk of crossovers; seeing what universes work well with one another and what universes don't work well with one another.
Jots down notes for Avatar Lian Harper vs. Black Lanterns
Oh, she redecorated
media.tumblr.com/691e49a44d807cb8898e96dbd4e9a188/tumblr_inline_mwqcncU2hF1qhap1n.gif
... Yeah, that does seem to happen rather often... at least my eventual Justice League story has a reason.
Looks like someone didn't like Equestria Girls... not that I should judge/agree, having not seen it myself
So, he's Marvin as a pony?
Ow, I hate it when unsubtle bricks hit me in the head
Either Alice in Wonderland or the Matrix, take your pick
DON'T CHASE THE RABBIT! IT'LL SCREW UP THE DRIFT!
Also, I noticed that the story is in present tense... odd.
Or maybe it's just for the dream sequences...
Critique, you must go deeper...
*giggles*
Condescending Douchebag shows kindness? This is the end times.
Although, weeks? That's a lot of time for things to go wrong.
To Roseluck I say:
mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/rsz/mlfw2567_medium.jpg
But the dirt would ruin his hair
As Pony!Black Hand... wouldn't he like that?
THEY KILLED TWILIGHT! YOU BASTARDS!!! (I know she lives, but still)
...
...
...
...
...
...
<brain.exe has stopped working>
And the montage of three bad writers/editors/all of the above! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!
YAY! THEY'RE ACTUALLY COMPETENT!... *makes more notes, in case this applies to the rewrite of Mare of Steel*
"But instead of dying for our sins, this Jesus...shoots rapists...in the dick!"
-Honest Trailer of RoboCop (1987)
He died.
And Doomguy is never around when you need him...
i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/129/696/Rip_and_tear.png
Y'see, there were these two guys at an insane asylum...
So... how the mane 6 would really react if they had to kill someone, instead of being the jingoistic assholes we've seen in previous fics?
... That's actually a good point.
How dare they plant trees! Trees that produce things to help ponies live!
I'm sure he has other reasons, but I can't remember them off the top of my head.
Can't ever have enough Mykan jokes.
Hey, I'd like to see that.
...
Not going to touch that one.
I KNEW I should have cast Rainbow as the Joker instead of Superman...
So, it's like the ending to Man of Steel (and to think I really liked that movie when it first came out...)
Like a good crossover should.
Good review. Again, I look forward to whatever you have in store for us next week
How convienant. Also, there's a typo, unless Angel Bunny is a girl in this universe.
So, she's basiaclly the same as in cannon MLP?
2562457 I did, and I finally reviewed it.
2562467
Don't got a reason for Princess Celestia to be missing? Who says you need one?
This isn't me saying don't waste your time, but... I thought it was okay when I first saw it, but the more I thought about it, the stupider it got.
Reading good fan fics does have perks.
That and Star Trek: Into Darkness and Amazing Spider-Man 2. I just felt like if the scenes had been switched around in the last bit, it probably could have work. Now, I like Star Trek, Spider-Man was a guilty pleasure, and I hated Man of Steel.
2562518
No, that's my typo. I keep forgetting Angel is a male.
No that I've read and digested your review, allow me to offer a small rebuttal/explanation.
To get the reader's toes wet before going for a big swim. I hate it when an author writes a 10,000-word first chapter and expects everyone to just read it. I believe that an author should never waste his readers' time; thusly, by offering a small helping of what the reader is in for, they can come to the decision of whether or not they want to read the story more quickly and firmly.
Twilight also failed a school entry exam, but suddenly was accepted as Celestia's own personal protege. She also moved to a different town for all of one day and suddenly made not one, not two, but FIVE unbreakable friendships. She was born into a wealthy family, and never had to be among the poor and the destitute. She's never really known what it means to sacrifice everything you have in order to get what you want, she's never had to claw her way up from the bottom, and she sure as hell has never been penniless or unloved.
In short, I'm not surprised some ponies end up resenting the shit out of her.
It isn't a dream sequence. Twilight rushed off in a panic because something horrible had happened so quickly she didn't know how to handle it.
Let me explain more thoroughly. When I was in my teens, my dog had a bad habit of running off. So I'd searched for him through the whole neighborhood, and finally found him in the backyard of an abandoned house. The door to the backyard was locked, so I jumped the fence. As I neared my dog, I heard a low, warbling hum, and looked to my right.
The entire wall of the house was a gigantic hornet's nest. And they were not happy to see me.
I blanked out after seeing a swarm of hornets headed my way. But the next thing I knew, I was already halfway to my house, my dog alongside me. I have no idea what happened, even to this day.
That's what this whole segment was. It's the aftermath of heart-stopping panic -- except Twilight's doing a better job of recollecting the pieces than I did.
This is the thing I hate most about fan fiction.
Maybe it's the instant gratification the Internet affords, but honestly, I don't get why everyone analyzes a story as if it's a movie instead of written word. It isn't about putting everything plainly -- especially not the writing of the horror genre. This story's writing style is largely inspired by guys like Stephen King, Clive Barker, H.P. Lovecraft, Edgar Allen Poe, and Franz Kafka. What did these guys have in common?
Their writing styles are heavily drenched in what's known as dream logic. Many of their books offer things that can only be found in dreams or deep introspection, often not making much sense at all until much later.
In short, the whole story begins as someone knocks a vase off the table and it breaks. (Twilight's mind going to pieces.) The rest of the story details someone putting the pieces back together. Maybe some of the pieces get lost, or maybe some of the pieces end up getting glued on wrong, but either way, keep in mind that the first Equestrylvania book is highly psychological and cerebral. It's not going to do very much in the way of plain-to-see, lay-it-all-out visuals.
Forced? Twilight wasn't forced; she asked politely if she could see it.
You'll notice she sees a gash on the bat's head, which is how Shining Armor killed it. I like to think the Giant Bat merely scored a lucky shot before Shining Armor delivered a killing blow. (And don't forget, "video game rules" =/= "written storytelling rules." It's the reason story and gameplay are so often segregated.)
Now that... I can't explain. I guess it's my fault as an author to overlook a solution so obvious. I'm not sure if it's too late to go back and rewrite that.
That's the killing point of loneliness, dude. It isolates you. You're led to believe that you're the only one with this kind of problem, as if you're worth less than everyone else.
No, he's the Dead Mate. Death appears in the scene, but the Dead Mate is a totally different character.
She dented its skull, which broke the neck.
That was actually Aguni, from Dawn of Sorrow. As in this thing:
That's actually something I threw in since Pinkie Pie is weird enough that people would believe this. I might write that though, it's too fun not to.
Dig them a grave? Ha! That didn't stop the zombies the first time.
...What? When did that happen? Apple Bloom wasn't poisoned. In fact, I kinda feel bad I didn't find that much use for Apple Bloom. Maybe I should have poisoned her.
...What? The reason Bon Bon was even there was because she was investigating a bizarre smell. She found Aeon under a pile of Mudmen keeping him in place. That's the reason he was having her smash the lanterns. o.O
That was meant to mirror how Twilight had stuck the rib under Applejack's hat before. Actrise was insulting her.
I guess I should have been more clear. See, AJ's family has a bit of dark history to it in this 'verse. It'll be explained in Equestrylvania Adventure at some point, but keep in mind there is a good reason AJ became furious at Actrise's assertion her father would harm a child, whether he was dead or alive.
I want to point out a few errors I spot right here.
First, the 127 victims are 127 victims, total. As in, throughout the entire past five or six days. The adults and elderly who didn't survive the attack are among that number.
Second, the reason the nurse from before committed suicide is because she was the one sneaking the kids whose parents had died to the boiler room. This is explained by the three doctors just before Twilight takes off to find the boiler room. The nurse hanging herself was actually foreshadowing to all this.
And finally, not everything that happens in the epilogue is happy. In fact, it begins in a way that feels very sad, with Twilight hurting from this recent loss. Shatterstorm's Shower of Angst isn't exactly a cheerful spot either. But you notice, as the epilogue goes on, it does become more and more cheerful.
In short, the epilogue is about the cast crawling out of the hole they've been cast into. I get that finding those kids in the boiler room was quite a blow, and shows exactly how far down Actrise will stoop to serve Dracula. But at the same time, they can't mope about for very long. They still have shit to do. But they also realize their problems have only started, and that they're only gonna get harder, and that they have not much time left to get to handling the situation before it gets worse.
All in all, a great review. Nothing too flattering, but at least letting me know where I succeeded and where I failed.
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While I do not disagree with this, however, I felt that maybe it could have been a brief scene of Dracula's minions doing their plotting thing, before Twilight is even scene.
I wouldn't have to be long, it could come and go and you could still set up for what is about to happen. But that is just my opinion.
The line about the Giant Bat creature was more of a joke than something I didn't like. Sorry that wasn't made more clear.
It's a personal nitpick. Take it how you want it.
I'm not entirely familiar with Dead Mate. Or the Castlevania as a series. I've only played a couple of the games. So, if I got the names wrong, it's only because I didn't know them. I apologize.
Again, I'm not familiar with Aguni, since I've never played Dawn of Sorrows. Also, it was for the pointless joke.
Poison them! Poison all the ponies! Make them bleed! Bake them into cupcakes! ... I have no idea where that came from...
The way I remember it, the mudmen realized that Bon Bon was destroying the lanterns and attempted to stop her. But I could be remembering it wrong. At least, I remember something trying to stop Bon Bon.
And I agree. I agree that Twilight and the others should be able to overcome this devastating blow to them and face the challenges head on. But maybe for me, it was a bit too swift on how they recovered. They still were taken aback by what happened, I'm not saying that didn't happen, I just felt it could have been more. Maybe played more into the grief stages more and more of the doubt.
Anyway, that is how one person feels in a sea of hundreds who loved your story. And to be honest, I loved it too.
I am glad you took the time to read and enjoy my review, even if it was littered in faults. I do hope to go through and read the sequels to this story and review them as well.