In which the author reaffirms the strictness of EqD's fic standards · 8:00am Jun 17th, 2012
So, it's not exactly a trade secret that Equestria Daily is very picky and particular about the fics that they publish. When I submitted Character Development, I knew full well that there was good chance that it wouldn't pass muster but I figured I'd give it a shot.
I'm sure you guessed the result by now.
Now, don't get me wrong; this blog isn't me throwing a hissy fit and going "How dare they!?", because for the most part I agree with their criticisms. I know I'm not the best author in the world (and I haven't written fiction in a long time before these last few fics). The point of this blog is to a) respond to the points brought up by the pre-reader (since I can't do it directly) and b) to announce that I'm going to halt work on Chapter 3 (I was only 80 words in anyway) and focus on editing the first two chapters (more on that later).
I first want to mention the terseness of the rejection e-mail. I'm sure this is due to a combination of being short for time with so many submissions and being jaded from all the crap they have to sift through (you couldn't pay me to do that and yet there's a large group of people volunteering to do it; bless them). The e-mail basically goes, "Your story doesn't make the cut, here's why it sucks, try again, have a good day." I can totally understand why an author would get discouraged and just give up, but in all fairness they do at least tell you what's wrong and what they recommend doing in order to fix it.
So here are the issues that were brought up:
1. Too... many... ellipses...
I... guess I... agree with this... Seriously though, they really are all over the place, so that's duly noted. That shouldn't be too difficult to fix. The real difficulty is in the next point:
2. Roseluck's internal thoughts don't sound natural, and should all be converted into external thoughts.
Honestly, the pre-reader called my bluff here, because I was thinking the same thing on some of the ones I wrote. And since there are already some external thoughts in the story, it would make more sense to make them all external for the sake of consistency. However, I just don't know how I'm going to convert some of them. How am I going to take something like:
Cranky’s a really lucky guy; they make such a cute couple. I heard he went to Tartarus and back just to find her. Now that’s dedication.
and make it external in a way that doesn't diminish the meaning of it? I'm going to have really think hard about it.
3. The dream sequence at the beginning of Chapter 2 is cringe-inducing.
Uh... That's the point. It's supposed to be so over-the-top lovey-dovey that it makes the cynic in you want to throw up. I don't really have much else to say about this.
4. "The whole thing could use an editing sweep" (missing commas for example).
The pre-reader wasn't too specific on this, so I guess that means there were too many things to list? I didn't think my grammar was that bad, but of course I know how easy it is to overlook your own mistakes. I could just opt for an editor, but personally that would be like admitting defeat to the English language. I want to major in English when I head back to college, so this is all stuff I'm gonna have to figure out anyway. I'm such a stickler for grammar, and yet here I am being chided by someone via e-mail about my grammar apparently being too awful to go into detail about. Hopefully there aren't any missing commas in this paragraph.
The good news is that the pre-reader didn't mention anything wrong with the story concept-wise or anything; it was strictly mechanical in nature. And, he/she said that he/she would like to see it on the site, so I will give it my best. I like a good challenge. If I feel it isn't working out then I'll forget it and continue writing it the way I have been; no EqD for me. I'll live.
So that's all for now. The next thing you'll be seeing from me is (likely) the improved versions of the two chapters of Character Development.
Aw, my condolences on the rejection. Character Development is pretty great and I'd be excited to see it on EqD. Though I'm admittedly a bit perplexed about the point-by-point, Rose's internal narration almost seems to be the basis of the fic (In fact, have you considered going the opposite direction and switching to first-person?), and the daydream was perfect at bringing out my both my hopeless romantic and jaded cynic and giving them what they want. (Though the 80's sitcom "Can't a girl dream?" was really corny, I admit.) I wouldn't worry about point four being a testament to your abilities, the vagueness is just because it's not a pre-reader's job to fix every mistake, just to notice that they're there.
I wish you the best of luck in polishing up the first two chapters, even if it means I'll be a little disappointed in a longer wait for the third. (Waiting until you get a little further before submitting again might not be an awful idea, though, considering it would help you establish the tone you're going for. (I freely admit I can't tell where the parody and begins and ends, and at this point, that's a good thing.)) If you want a second opinion on it, I'd be happy go over things and give some more verbose commentary. The last fic I edited for managed to get onto EqD with no problems (Though I figure it would have made it even before that (To be fair, I thought the same about Character Development, so.))
I'm going to skip the long-winded explination for why I'm here and just respond to this.
1) I'm really glad that you didn't see me as some ungrateful troll in the dungeons of EqD. A lot of people do for some reason. And that's probably because
2) The email was ruder than I meant it to be. It was actually pounded out over a couple hours and a headache. Sorry 'bout that.
3) The dream sequence wasn't that bad itself. It was the last line that bothered me. You write pretty well, but the "Can't a girl dream" bit was just jarring. The big issue with it is that it feels like the line's breaking the fourth wall. Since the story is in third-person (... third-pony), it's not Rose telling the story, so her thoughts shouldn't be directed to the audience. Again, I can't offer a good alternative, since leaving it off does make the story feel lacking, and changing it may require rewriting a bit.
4) Grammar. This point was incredibly minor in comparison to everything else, even though it was a huge-big paragraph I wrote. Basically, just read through the story and every time you come across a point you think might be wrong, look it up. If you don't think anything's wrong, don't change it. As long as you fix the other stuff, your story should be good. I'll admit, my email exaggerated the problem. Here's two examples:
“Hey Rose!”
"Hey, Rose!"
“Look Rose, ...
"Look, Rose, ...
As I said, I really want to see this story on the blog. Roseluck doesn't get enough love, and, more importantly, this is one of the strangest and funniest ships I've ever seen. I have faith you can pull this off.
With Love,
Hawkysu
180281
First off. thanks for the words of encouragement both here and on the story itself; I really appreciate it.
There's two issues that would come from switching to first person:
1. You also get a little into Karat's mind as well as Rose's, so switching to first person would mean that I'd have to remove his thoughts, and I don't really want to do that.
2. I'm not very good at writing in first person (perhaps that also accounts for the unnaturalness of her internal thoughts).
I'll try to be quick with the editing (without rushing and getting sloppy, of course). I'm going on vacation in a few days, so when I come back I should have a clear mind ready to go.
I'm always down for having someone analyze my work to let me know where I can improve, so if you want to do that that'd be awesome.
180668
Wow; I honestly wasn't expecting to get a response back.
I want to start off by saying how much I appreciate you both commenting on my blog and reading over my story in the first place. I know you're not being forced to do it and that pre-reading's a bit of a thankless job, so taking time out of your day to help me as a writer really means a lot to me.
I'll respond to your responses in order:
1) Trust me, I don't believe in any of that "EqD pre-readers are evil" crap people like to spread around because frankly I can empathize. I used to be very active on a site called Discogs (a giant publicly-editable music database), and I was part of a group of users who would try to help users fix their submissions if they weren't up to the guidelines. Some users would say "Thanks for pointing that out; I'll fix it", but there were a lot of people who would go "You don't know what you're talking about" or "You guys are just finding petty reasons to harass me cause you have nothing better to do" or whatever. So, when I hear people say the same kind of stuff about you folks I know it's just the same story in different clothing.
2) I didn't think your e-mail was rude at all. I mentioned the terseness as a matter of "This is what you should expect if your story is rejected" rather than "The pre-reader is a jerk". I know you all probably have a lot of stories you have to go through, so I wouldn't expect anything less than a quick, down-and-dirty issues list. In fact, when I saw in my notifications that you commented on my blog, I was afraid you'd think I was being rude and ungrateful, which wasn't my intention at all.
3) I totally understand what you're getting at. It wasn't meant to be addressing the audience; the idea was that she was addressing herself. The realistic part of her mind is going, "Wow, that is so cheesy", while the lovey-dovey part is going, "Yeah, I know, but can't a girl dream?" I could have shown this in a less jarring/cheesy way, I'll admit. This is definitely being fixed during my editing sweep.
4) Thank you for the clarification.
Again, I want to thank you for all the assistance and encouragement you have given me so far. I will try my best.