Insomnia & imagination: not the best combo. · 6:10pm Oct 3rd, 2014
I'm not taking this concept to the Idea Exchange because it's stupid. It's very stupid. It is so stupid that it is the kind of stupid which some people would claim I come up with all the time, but I created this one at my current point in a five-day 'What sleep?' cycle and so even that amount of stupid has been miraculously exceeded. I am only writing it out to demonstrate just how very stupid it is, which would be 'beyond all rational belief, and then some'.
Also, at this point in the insomnia, I am no longer capable of judging whether putting it in a blog post would be bad. But better that than a story. I'll only feel this is a truly story-worthy concept around Day Seven.
So. Horses have an easier time pulling than pushing. Same with ponies, because they generally get to either push with their heads or do that reared-back hind legs walk with their forehooves braced on whatever they're pushing, which is not a pleasant position to be in for long and really doesn't allow the pony to exert much strength or leverage anyway.
When ponies go shopping for more items than can be stored in saddlebags or side-slung baskets, they use carts. And because of that little muscle/leverage fact above, the carts go behind their bodies and are towed along. It's efficient. The average pony can haul a decent amount of weight this way. However, there are still issues. And one of the biggest (especially around the holidays and in high-traffic areas) is that everything you've just purchased has been placed where you can't see it. Thieves who are careful not to upset the load in a way which the towing pony can feel (or simply wait for a complete stop to get more of a chance) can make off with major hauls. Carts allow ponies to carry a lot of shopping -- but they're also an open invitation to theft, and there are many who will take them up on it.
So along comes an inventor who's rigged up something new. It's a cart rigged to shoulder and barrel harnesses in such a way that it can be effectively pushed from the front. It does have less capacity than the standard model and it has to be low-slung so the pony using it can see over the thing, but it steers efficiently, doesn't get in the way too badly... honestly, the main problem is getting through doors which require levers, and that is an issue -- but it majorly cuts down on theft, because you can see what's happening to your items at all times.
Now, who would be offended by this little leap in shopping technology?
Flim and Flam.
Where did you think they get the funds for the next scheme after the prior one collapsed? Sometimes lining up investors for properties which don't exist just takes too long. In a true emergency, they hit the shopping districts and then -- hit the shopping district. It can be high-risk, but it's also quick and easy. They don't particularly enjoy it because it's not entirely their style plus the chances of being caught seem so much stronger, but it gives them a fallback position at all times. Steal, resell, move on. Quickly. And best-case scenario, they also nabbed the receipt.
So the brothers somehow get wind of this fabulous new invention, which is just about to make its public debut in front of the potential investors. They can't steal it: everypony will be able to track the original idea back. Creating a copy, artificially aging it, and claiming they got there first -- possible and could be profitable, but that's not the point.
This is about honor. It's about the stallionhood of thieves. Because if this thing gets backing and becomes common -- what happens to the criminals? How will a desperate crook ever be able to steal a living? What if (although of course this will never happen to them -- again) their next plan goes wrong and they need to rebuild from the ground up with no easy pickings anywhere in sight because these new carts have completely taken over and everypony will see them work? This invention... it's going to destroy a way of life!
And so for the good of ne'-er-do-wells everywhere, the brothers decide to perform an act of charity. They must find a way to ruin this invention. To make sure that not only will nopony ever invest in it, but the inventor becomes such a laughingstock that running things as a one-pony operation will find nothing more than an endless series of doors slammed into the snout.
Break into the workshop? Absolutely. Tinker around with the thing and find a way to sabotage it? In the name of all things criminal and true! Finding out the inventor also knows how to rig a decent series of traps? Too late... and so we move into the slapstick portion of our program, wherein they get slapped with sticks. Just for starters.
Of course, this stupidity needs a title.
Putting The Cart Before The Horse
...yeah.
There's a reason I don't write when I'm this tired.
Apparently I shouldn't shop either.
ETA: Oooh, wait! I just came up with a twist ending! After all their break-in suffering is over, they get away with it! The invention is completely sabotaged, falls apart in front of investors and press in the most humiliating way possible, they've saved the day for crooks everywhere... and the inventor, despondent, starts to limp off the stage -- then turns around and says that as long as everypony's already laughing, they might as well have more to laugh at, revealing the creation which was personally perceived as being too stupid to demonstrate at all.
The rear-view mirror.
I want you to make these things you say.
I like that you misspelled imagination in the title, really adds to the whole 'I'm tired' vibe.
Why are you so down on yourself all the time? Is having 740 followers a sign of stupidity? NO! It is a sign that you are doing something right. Your stories are popular because they are good, creative, and thought provoking.
Why use an unpractical front-cart when you can just use a closed normal cart with a lock on it?
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Gotta keep detaching yourself from it, turning around, undoing the lock, lifting the lid, placing the item, closing, locking, and harnessing back up again. Major pain during a long shopping trip plus ponies and fumbling for keys are a rough combo to start with. I was picturing most ponies as working with 'turn head, toss back, go.'
This is another one of those stories that is distracting you from the series you have ongoing.
And, I want to see it now, because I want to see your take on Flim and Flam. And, the sheer comedy of these two ponies vs. an inventor that probably invented every trap that Daring Do had to face in a previous life.
Honestly? I love it. Though "the stallionhood of thieves" feels like an unnecessarily ponified turn of phrase. Isn't it a brotherhood? (Well, you are tired...)
I've seen dumber ideas. Read dumber stories, too.
And probably written some dumber ones, myself.
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I was recently told how pretentious I am for working with personal interpretations of existing characters and since I can't do much about that, I'm trying to pull the reins in elsewhere.
Additionally, I'm really tired.
2503728
Don't let the bastards grind you down.
I imagine a more practical invention would be some kind of rigid hood going over the top of the cart, protecting it from the back and sides while allowing the pony pulling it easy access from the front.
Still, I like the story idea. It sounds fun.
Actually Pinkie Pie pushes her party wagon--
...
...I withdraw my argument.
I get most of my story ideas when I'm half asleep though
Like a Fullmetal Alchemist/MLP Crossover
Who knew there was another world on the other side of the Gate?
Alas, I lack the writing power to write more than a short story for it DX
Definitely comes across as written by one who suffers from the Sleep Madness.... but sometimes beauty comes from Madness, does it not?
PS Love all your ongoing stories, especially Scootalift.
Known by the long-extinct humans as a 'shopping cart.'
I agree, late night story ideas are the best thing ever. Seriously!
I say to go for it, M'lord!
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I now want to name the inventor 'Conestoga' and have that lurking around the workshop as a possible rejected or awaiting-next-generation design.
ETA: After the time delay of sleep-thought and remembering Appleloosa, it's more likely that it would be rejected for fears of patent infringement.
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Must... push... big... candy-red... button...!
...oh, wait: you said sleep madness.
Meh. Close enough.
That twist. I applauded. Please write.
You invented the shopping cart? (Actually this is why you don't see stallions on the show. They'll offscreen, pulling the wagons with all the purchases in them for the wives)
Now I really want to see this, not just because the idea is funny (which it is) but because it's a take on how a species without hands gets through life.
I swear, this is something fanon-Bon Bon would totally come up with!
Ain't no mother-bucker gonna pull a fast one on THAT mare.
Rear-view mirrors? That WOULD look pretty silly on a pony. But if you made it into a sort of modified set of glasses in how they sort of make those 'can only see straight' blinds for horses who pull carriages, you'd have a rather neat and cool looking, if slightly odd at first, design that can catch incoming left and right carts AS WELL with an addition mid-mirror for backing up and looking upward to catch potential flying culprits.
It's BRILLIANT!
I'm sure if Bonny teamed up with Rarity for making the idea from something that would initially be attacked like a vest with big mirrors sticking out would eventually be reimagined by Rarity to be something like fashionable headgear, something to accentuate the facial look much as one would wearing stylish glasses like Silver Spoon as being the eventual thing that gets shown that Bonbon was too embarrassed to show off, thinking it a bit flashy and impractical compared to her long-term front pushing chest cart with the mouth grip to help lift the forward part up so the wheels can make it over smaller obstacles.
Damn it, Estee. Why you gotta talk in insomnia? That's like my lingo! Now I'll be thinking about this till someone writes an actual story or draws a comic about it. xD
2503858 Husbands ARE the housewives, silly. That's why you hardly ever see any around aside from those trying to court a mare. xD
Good thing too, dumping all the nasty garbage like Bonbon and Cheerywhateverherface in that Hoofdown episode is something no stallion in Equestria would dare touch with their sensitive hooves outside of working in the waste disposal unit facilities. xD
...I love this.
WRITE THIS WRITE THIS WRITE THIS
Also "The Stallionhood of Thieves" would be a very different sort of story, methinks. :B
these things are always even better in real life than in my imagination so i say go for it
Why not just put walls and a roof on the cart, and a door on the front so that it only opens when you're not wearing it?
I love it, mainly because I want to see what you do with Flim & Flam as main characters. Of course, they never engage in any kind of major shenanigans without at least one song...
I gotta ask, which came first: the notion, or deciding to run with that phrase? Either way, it sounded kinda interesting at first, but the title is what really sold it for me.