A confession · 6:16am Sep 27th, 2014
I haven't heard anyone else say this yet, but it just seems so obvious.
This is Sauron.
This is Tirek. Notice the two spires and the glowing orange thing rests between them? It's Sauron.
Why does Sauron live on Tirek now? I'll tell you why.
Tirek got his power from absorbing the magic of the ponies. The orb between the spires grew stronger every time he absorbed the power of the ponies, until finally he absorbed to power of the alicorns and Sauron was complete. But why did absorbing the power of the alicorns make Sauron complete, you may ask.
Well, as everyone knows, Luna is the Witch King of Angmar and Celestia is Saruman the White, and they each serve the dark lord and carry out his will. When the princesses gave her alicorn power to Twilight, they also inserted Sauron into their power, believing (correctly) that Twilight would fail, and Sauron would eventually conquer Equestria using Tirek's body as a shell to act through (Since it kind of sucks just being an eye on a tower. Trust me, I tried it).
But what they couldn't have known was that I, Lord Smooze, contacted my friends in the Illuminati to give Twilight Sparkle the power to save Equestria through "friendship" or some such rot.
Yes, my loyal minions. It was I who saved Equestria that day (kind of). I know, you're probably asking "Have you gone soft?" or some such rubbish. No, my loyal minions. I have not gone soft. I just didn't want Sauron to ruin the environment before I got to eat Equestria. I mean, have you seen what happens to worlds that Sauron gets his eye on? Have you seen the smoke coming from his dragons, and necromantic spells, and those Smooze awful factories? Seriously! Talk about global warming.
But anyway. Yes, the Illuminati saved Equestria, and, although I am ashamed of the part I played in it, I stand by my actions, and hope that one day you can forgive me.
Oh, and for those asshats who don't believe the Illuminati is real or that they saved Equestria:
Coincidence? I think not!
Zigga u crazy.
2487572
img4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20140512143425/mlp/images/5/52/Golden_Oak_Library_destroyed_S4E26.png
5/11 was an inside job, I tell you!
Also, the guy who shot John F. Kenneighdy? He was working for me.
2487578
Fuck yo shit with tha eye and dah stupid triangle. I'll tell Bill Cipher straight up. Fuck yo couch 2. I mean shit zigga I know that tha black suited monkey is a alien robot and that tha bitches in dah west be put´en shit in our tacobell to make us piss gold dust. But I don't care, why cause moma this zigga be a real one.
2487593
u wot m8? r u havin a giggle m8? 1v1 me, Club Penguin fgt!
Also, would you bloody well speak the Queen's English, you sodding git. Ever had a butchers at a dictionary, mate? They're damn cracking! If you going to be a twit, you could at least avoid cocking up the fecking language!
And don't you prattle on with your bleedin' dodgy conspiracy theories, wot! They're total pants! I mean, Bill Cipher works for the Illuminati. Everyone knows that, you stupid cunt! And why in the blazes would you even turn your stupid gob in the direction of a Taco Bell, much less eat there? Cor! It's no wonder you're soft in the head, considering the smeg you eat!
Cheeky bugger.
2487619
Nah zigga that's what they want ya tah think. They're secretly build´en a station in yo ass, as we speak. In my ass too, but Iz got a Jacuzzi in mine m8.
Also, fuck dah queen. She need tah make a sandwich with cheese.
2487639
The French invented the Jacuzzi. You must be French. No wonder you speak with such an uncivilized, outrageous accent and surrendered your soul to shoddy American fast food.
And I don't have an arse, you twit! I'm an ooze monster from Space UK. They build the station in Space UK, but I saw past that and moved their secret NSA base to the colonies where they're having a butcher at those horrid yanks and all the nasty things they get up to.
2487646
Space UK? Sucking in SSSSSSSPPPPPPPPAAAAAACCCCCCCEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!
That's hot.
2487649
I get that a lot.
2487652
As you should.