On the Subject of Heart-Blessing · 1:34am Sep 23rd, 2014
Okay, so I just started writing the next chapter of Flash Fog, and I was hoping some of my Southern readers could give me a few pointers on the proper use of the phrase "Bless his/her/your heart." Now, I already have a rough idea of what it means -- one says it when the subject of conversation (represented by an appropriate pronoun) has demonstrated a significant amount of naïveté. However, the strength of the connotation seems to vary. In some contexts, it seems fairly light, e.g., "Your emotions are preventing you from thinking clearly," while in others, it seems a bit stronger, along the lines of, "Sweet Jesus, you are a f****** moron, but it would be impolite for me to say so directly."
Any help you can give with figuring out the nuances will be most appreciated.
I'm Texas born and bred, so I can speak on the subject. Mostly that, honestly, the majority of people who have ever said this to me or around me (and I've said it myself) use it sincerely, and not just to someone acting dumb but sometimes to a person actually in distress, as a term of endearment. If used to someone who is acting naive, it is more along the lines of, "Bless your naive little heart that hasn't been exposed to [bad thing]." I'm sure some people can use it in a very harsh manner, but no one I've ever known.
Also, God Bless Texas, y'all.
My only context on "bless your heart" is that I've been warned not to trust people who say it too often. They are being insincere.
This advice came from someone formerly of the deep south, but it hasn't impacted my life much. I have only heard the phrase once in my life outside of the conversation where I was warned about it.
"Bless your heart" is also said to/about someone who is the victim of misfortune. In that case, it's sort of like "Oh, you poor thing".
My understanding is that, when used in that context, any version of "bless him/her" can be used for most any flaw. It doesn't have to be naivete or stupidity. Assholes and liars can also be targets of a sarcastic "bless your heart," for example.
You aren't familiar with the meaning of the phrase. makes sympathetic face Oh, bless your heart.
The phrase can figuratively run the gamut from being innocuous to being passive aggressive and bitchy. It's one of those phrases where the intention isn't in the words at all, but in facial features and body language. Also, if you are saying it to someone you do not care for, you make sure that you say it with your posse behind you so that your bitch face can be seen properly. If you are saying it to someone you like, its a playful thing to say, followed by an explanation into the thing they did not know so that they are no longer ignorant of the subject.
This is the method that the women in my Redneck Riviera family use. It may be different for Texas and the more Appalachian grouping, but that's how I've been taught to use it.
Also, a good breakdown in a bit more detail
when in response to a positive action it can be totally sincere as well
2476024 This guy right here knows.
"Bless your heart" is a pat pat to the head, a d'awww that can be happy or sad. I've never heard it used sarcastically, but it can be used derogatorily: "Bless your heart, Bloom. Now, why don't you go play outside and let the big ponies talk." The implication is that you are cute in some way, usually either naivity or inability to protect yourself, with the occasional sub implication that your current state prevents you from being helpful. The not being helpful part is not mandatory, however, and can be insulting; the first part (being cute or weak in some way) is.
"Bless your heart" is like "you poor dear", the actual meaning of the phrase ranges from mildly patronizing to vicious based entirely on delivery and circumstance.
2476024 Agreed here, although (and this may just be regional, specifically the Central Savannah River Area, ie Augusta, Georgia) it can also mean honest sympathy, if something bad has happened to a person (known or unknown enemy or friend or indifferent).
Amy: Well, you heard her father died yesterday?
Alice: You're joking! Didn't her brother just get diagnosed with cancer?
Amy: Yes, and she has walking pneumonia, you know...
Alice: Oh, bless her heart...
2476272 Yes, you are correct, I knew there was one aspect I forgot.
Northerner with a mostly Southern family on my mother's side, I've always taken it to just be an expression of pity (sometimes with offense meant, but usually not).
As a general rule, my experience is:
"Bless your heart" - I am mildly sad at your condition.
"Bless his/her heart" - I have just said something unconscionably rude and insulting, but by invoking the blessings of the Almighty I have demonstrated that I am a good Southern lady, so everything is all right. But I still got to say that horrible thing.
Hmm,
So from a southern Georgia / Northern Florida perspective:
1.) "Bless your heart"
a) Most common: Generally a sincere form of sympathy with the implied hope that things will improve for you. This is the formulation almost always used when directly talking to the subject of the phrase. Ex - "Bless your heart, I hope your Daddy gets better soon."
b) Your being simple. Ex - "Bless your heart, the world just don't work like that."
2.) "Bless his/her heart"
a) Something said proceeding or trailing a harsh truth about someone, where malice is not intended. A way of softening an unfortunate fact about someone, and conveys an empathy about the effects that fact has on someone's life. Ex - "That child is homelier than a three legged dog, bless her heart." This is the most common usage I have heard when talking about someone not present.
b) Something said before or after an insult, generally having to do with a character flaw or perceived character flaw of someone not present. Ex - "Bless her heart, she's probably the worst mother in the county." This usage is less common. unlike the above example, implicit judgment is attached. Depending on the tone this ranges from mild "they just don't know better" to harsh "they shoulda never been born" <- this last is very rare and almost always reserved for someone that has done something truly beyond that pale.
As a side note, after college I spent a few years in New York and New England and was exposed to the phrase: "All Due Respect..." which seems to be the northern version of 1b,2a, and 2b above depending on connotation.
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In the north of England it works about the same way; running from either incredibly patronising to heartwarmingly endearing. Of course, it's generally only silver haired grandmothers that are at the endearing end of the spectrum... most of the rest of us sit firmly down the other end.
EDIT: And when it comes to 'With all due respect'... we're heavily in the Chief Williams from Mass Effect camp there.
According to my Floridian mother: "Oh, he/she/you is/are so dumb."
I'd say it's very context heavy. For example, I've heard my Oklahoman-turned-Texan grandmother use it when she saw something cute, and I've certainly heard of it being used in the 'what an idiot' context.
2475989 Amen, brother.
By itself, "bless ____ heart" can be very contextual. If you add a pile of modifiers, it's definitely one of those sorry-not-sorry things. Ie, "Bless his pea-pickin' li'l heart!" is almost certainly referring to someone as an idiot (or worse). I agree it does tend to be more sincere when directed at the other person in the conversation ("bless your heart!" occasionally accompanied by "you poor dear!").
I think everything has been said already, but just to reiterate, it's all about context.