Am I part of the canon? · 2:13am Sep 10th, 2014
Okay, this is super self-indulgent, but I have to ask.
Lately I've been questioning why I'm still doing this. Not just fanfics, which I've established that I do because they're helpful and fun, but the fandom in general. I still love MLP and all its characters and themes and messages, but I don't find that I get excited about it like I used to. (Mind, that could be just part of a larger shift; you really have no idea how hard it is for me to get excited about anything these days.) As time goes on, I've become less and less involved. I don't write as much as I'd like, and I barely read any more. I don't seek out new art or music. I haven't been to a meetup since season 2. I never rewatch episodes unless I'm researching for a story. Times like these it feels like I'm just sticking around for the community, or at least, the small, relatively friendly parts of the community that I choose to associate with. But then I find myself asking... am I really a part of this community? Aside from the increasingly small number of people whom I regularly interact with, does anyone know who I am?
If you know me, you know I'm ludicrously paranoid about vanity, so it's hard to ask, but... what's my legacy around here? Am I, like, a name on this site, or am I just known by my stories? Do I get listed in the same breath as popular writers? If I showed up at a convention, would anyone know who I was? I've had the occasional fan reading and exactly two pieces of non-commissioned fan art, which I am extremely thankful for (sometimes it feels like chocolate, fan art and thunderstorms are the only things that make me happy any more), but I don't feel that I can judge intent by those.
I know, it's stupid. I've always been an extremely forgettable person, so in what I guess is the opposite of paranoia about people talking about me behind my back, I've always assumed that no one remembers I exist unless I'm actively being observed. I live in terror of becoming the kind of person who feels to have to clamor for attention to be happy. I hate that I'm even writing this. Maybe I'll just log it as being therapeutic.
"Therapeutic" sums up a lot of my writing these days, actually. I don't make it a secret that fanfiction is one of the closest things I have to an emotional outlet. I write stories that are full of pain and hate and sadness, not so I can wallow in them, but so that I can sift through them and pull out moments of hope and peace and beauty even from the darkest of places. Given how rarely I finish anything, I wonder if that comes across.
I'm tired. I've been tired for a long time.
you sound sad man your not just a name to me your a EXPERT WRITER A FAMOUS WRITER LIKE DR SUESS before I never was big on reading but her iv found I like reading as long as the story is good thanks to you and I even gave ya a shout out in chap 2 I hope this helps my friend if you want to chat please feel free to contact me we can chat about wha ever it doesn't have to be pony related hmmm maybe if I told you things about me that might give ya a new perspective
Hmm... Honestly, I know where you're coming from, as I've felt similar sentiments for a while now. Stuff like feeling my involvement going down, hardly rewatching episodes, wondering if I can really consider myself a part of the community. I've also found a lot of people in this phase, not really sure if they have much ties, and I've also seen people choose to just drop it entirely and head off. Those I miss, but understand, but, I'd rather them have stayed.
What I've found is that being a 'brony,' or a fan, or whatever you call, is more of a spectrum of an involvement. Same with any fandom. Even if you've gone further down the end towards 'more involved,' there's nothing that should force you to stay there if you're just not feeling the effort. One can say 'I have a story to write,' or 'I have friends who want to talk about pony', but that's not always true.Me, I've gone back and forth, sometimes binge-reading seven stories at a time and sometimes going weeks without doing anything remotely pony related. Hell, I still haven't watched an entire episode of pony since the Season 4 finale. Ponies are always meant to be fun, and I believe you still can have fun with them if you go about it in a different, more 'you' fashion. Fans will wait patiently for your story for over 3 years, and friends will let you step away from pony, or often enough join you on non-pony things. But I'd hesitate for you to say 'wow, I'm guess I'm not a brony anymore,' because that's probably not true and will lock you in a mode of thinking.
I'd rank you up with Chengar Quordath frankly. But then again, the best writers and the most popular are not always the same.
I love and adore the characters and the universe, but the show simply hasn't been the same since Lauren left. Under Meghan's direction, the focus of the show has changed--it feels like it stopped being that show with universal appeal and became a show that's pandering specifically to its target audiences (bronies and little girls). I've lost faith that it will ever find its way out of that again.
But I still love the characters to death. I love them so much and I just can't quit them. Fanfics fill that void for me. They open these characters up to worlds and scenarios that we never could imagine possible from the show. It opens up so many doors. It is what the show could be, yet probably never will. I know I will be reading fics for a long time, simply because these characters can't stop being irresistably charming and utterly lovable, and the world they live in so compelling, and I'm not ready to leave them behind yet.
That's my reason for still being here, even if my enthusiasm has all but disappeared. It's more than enough.
I've been an integral part of many of the biggest and most expensive projects this fandom has ever seen, regularly rubbed shoulders with really important people, and, for a time, made a very healthy living off of my work. But nobody knows my name. That's honestly okay with me. I've grown comfortable with the fact that I will not be celebrated for my work. It's a reality of life, and I've found that so long as I do not expect renown, I cannot miss it when it inevitably does not find its way to me.
Tbh, I was never one to go back and rematch episodes. The only reason I've stuck around this long is fan fiction. I estimate I've read around 25 million words, but even with that I'm slowing down. I find myself deciding to do other things when I see one of the fics I follow has updated, where I used to immediately drop whatever I was doing to read a new chapter. I'm just less willing to invest my time into the fandom. I had just turned 15 when I started watching, and my 18th birthday is just two weeks away; I think it just comes with getting older. You end up with more responsibilities and then you prefer to spend the little free time you do have doing things that are more important.
Then again, wth do I know?
You're one of two authors that keeps me coming back to this site regularly. I lost interest in MLP sometime around season three (or even earlier) just because my life moved on and I didn't need colorful equines to remind me of what friendship was anymore. I deleted the fanart and music off my computer and I don't visit fan sites anymore, except for this one. That's partly because of you. I haven't even watched most of season four, but you keep me coming back to this site and I've found other great stories from coming back looking for updates from you and one other writer.
In short, I've already forgotten the prompt, but I do like your writing, and it's quality enough to keep me coming back after all these years when I can hardly even remember supporting characters' names on the show.
Sad and dark are two of my favorite tags here because I love the contrast to the fluffiness of the source material which is another reason I haven't even tried to finish season four, I've moved on too much to see it as anything but irksome.
What I'm about to say may not be what you're looking for, but it is what I can give you.
I will never forget you. For as long as I live I will carry you and your memory in a way I carry very few others others. And though a time may come when I no longer actively recall you, you will always be there, buried but not forgotten. So long as I draw breath, you will have a place in my memories.
Hang in there and stay safe.
I honestly consider you to be THEE if not one of the top Fusion crossover writers on the site.
Make of that what you will.
Honestly, I don't think it's that stupid to be worried about what others think of you, especially when a bunch of them are your audience. Eh, I don't really know anything about who's popular and who's "in" and whatnot, but for what it's worth, you and the many words you've toiled over have been pretty darn memorable to me.
Dammit, Everhopeful ib4'd me.
Anyway, what he said, except I'll add this: I credit the majority of my growth as a writer to you. I idolize your works and would be entirely content with my developing skill if it reaches where yours is currently. You've changed the way I look at fiction—and not only that, but your friendship and advice has shaped the person I am today. Our happenstance companionship has had a large part in shaping the person I am today and will, furthermore, become as years go by. How could I ever forget a person integral to so much?
The answer is, I don't. Nor will I ever. Your presence in my life has been priceless. I know it's perhaps not the notoriety you're looking for, but why settle for just being 'canon?' Your work has the potential, as I've said, to have much more impact than that. So long as you keep writing, it's only a matter of time until your masterpiece surges into the limelight.
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Aw, you guys.
2447471 Were all just speaking the truth old Friend
What little I have created on this site I owe to you.