Ranty rant · 6:51pm Sep 8th, 2014
Just a heads up, this blog post is mainly me complaining about how terrible my life is, so if that doesn't interest you... Uh, go do something you enjoy doing? It's not like I'm holding you hostage here, you know. Go have fun!
I haven't made a blog post in quite a while. I've been wanting to, though. Problem is, I've been feeling like absolute shit for the past few weeks. Last week, school started again, and I was so nervous that it made me feel sick, despite the meds I'm taking. On top of that, it turns out I've spent something like the past half year doing absolutely nothing about it, because apparently, being told you're getting a psychiatrist assigned to you doesn't mean anything. Just the same old talking, even though the conclusion months ago was that talking wasn't going to get me anywhere.
It feels so stupid, too. My coach/confidant at school even told me he was incredibly surprised I managed to achieve what I did last year, but this year, I can't even so much as get ready for school in the morning or I'm stressing out. I'm just going to one class per week and my disorder starts acting up. It pisses me off even more than usual because the project for this quarter is gaming, something I've been looking forward to since last year. And now I can't even participate in it! I did take some initiative and started working on a design document, but it's actually kind of tough if you're not in a group. It's hard to work on it, because thinking about it reminds me of school, and that gets me all worked up...
On top of that, I feel so crappy for not having written or uploaded anything here for about a year now. I have no idea why so many of you are still following me, to be honest. I expected a huge drop, but there's only more of you know. God knows how badly I want to write, but just can't. And when I do put some words down, it turns out like... Well, that last blog post was far more shitty and judgmental than I had intended beforehand. I'd intended a much more neutral and understanding view instead of the bullshit I wrote. If anyone felt offended by it, I offer my genuine apologies.
In somewhat more positive news, I'm working on putting together a panel for Hearth's Warming Con. It's going to be about writing and stuff, but no further details yet. I'm gonna do it together with Hyfnae and Rarity Belle. Here's to hoping that'll be fun, at least.
And if all else fails, I can still blast my way through Dark Souls 2 without much difficulty. That's something, right?
Well, I'm still following you because I'm confident you'll put out something someday, and I don't want to miss it when it happens. And you aren't an annoying person. There really isn't much point to unfollowing you either, besides uncluttering my feed box a bit. Just a tiny bit though, as you barely make in impact.
Don't feel bad about not posting here. These journals are enough. Yu need to focus on more pressing concerns. I wish you luck for your school activities. I really hope you can overcome this somehow. And I know how 'talking' cannot help, but I'll be avaidable for talking as well.
Peace
Magistrix
I can certainly empathise with you, the nausea from looming due dates for home work and assignments was so frequent it started to feel normal at the time. Still, at least you're talking about it, that's what I had problems with. Kept everything bottled up inside and never talked about anything. Hate to remember how close I came at times...
Not having the drive to update or advance on personal projects such as writing for the site never helps either but you're not the only one. There are plenty of people out there including myself who have fallen out of the swing of things because of personal problems. The reason they keep subscribed and following is because you've already proved yourself, you can do this. And yes, you may be in a rough spot now but sooner or later when you pull through it we know you'll pull something amazing out of the hat.
I guess what I'm saying is to Carry On and you'll get there.
I find music helps.
I know I wouldn't follow you if I didn't love your stories. Even if you haven't put out any new stories we still have your other stories to read, and I totally understand being stressed about school, I just had a whole year of hell in school to get through. You'll get through it all, and we'll be behind you.
Dude, I follow you because you have talent and skill. So you're going through a dry spell, so what? So am I. You're still awesome.
Feels like you can't write for a while? Been there, done that, am there, doing that, will be there, and will do that. Trust me, it's a very familiar and understandable feeling.
Here's to you!
While some individuals in this community and tolerance are grade A doucheplugs, most of us actually get it; we would rather you be healthy and as happy as possible, than feeling like you have to write something just to please us. We know that you have your struggles, just like we have ours, and we understand that the best way to get through them is not be hissing and screaming, but helping each towards a brighter and better day.
And that's the real magic of friendship.
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