I Survived Horsefest 2k14 And I Didn't Even Get A Stupid T-Shirt · 4:36am Aug 7th, 2014
Seriously, do you know how depressing it is to be so flat-ass broke that you go through an entire three-day convention without buying a single goddamn thing from the merch hall? I swear, I walked through that whole fucking place twice just to spite myself. My id is an asshole.
Anyway, yes, Bronycon. Was fun, of course, even though I spent a good majority of my time doing media junk for Equestria Daily. On the other hand, the private press conferences my badge got me into did provide some of the highlights of the weekend for me, among them being an hour-long bull session with Terry Klassen about Hasbro's marketing history and the business behind voice acting (which I at least thought was fascinating as hell), and emphatically agreeing with Claire Corlett that the micropig we both saw being led around the con hall on a leash was pretty much the tightest shit ever. On that note, Ian and Claire Corlett have a family dynamic that I can best describe as "the kind that makes you go, 'Shit, I wish my family was that cool'".
But I digress. Other highlights of the weekend include:
• Did I mention there was literally a fucking micropig on a leash being walked around the convention center on Friday? I mean, I'm pretty sure the person holding the leash was cosplaying as Apple Bloom, so yeah, it makes sense, but... a pig. There was a little black pig making cartoonishly perfect oinking noises just waltzing the fuck through the Baltimore Convention Center. Shit was unreal.
• The Marriott in which I stayed with ABagOVicodin, Alexstrazsa, Cloudhammer, CouchCrusader, and two guys (Aubrey and Nick were their real-person names, don't know about screennames) going 110% on the whole Bronycon schtick. Seriously, massive props to the management there: from custom Bronycon-themed keycards and weekend itineraries to a horse-ified hangout room on the lobby level to even marathons of FiM episodes on the hotel's TV channel, those guys went all-out for the con and it was actually pretty cool. Also, I managed to get keycards for our room (which my name wasn't on the reservation for) not just once, but twice mostly by looking pitiful and swearing I was actually staying there. So, uh... way to be bros about that too, Marriott. And/or have shockingly lax security. Six of one, half-dozen of the other.
• The entire con being housed in the swanky end of the Convention Center we weren't even allowed in last year. The merch hall was twice the size of last year's, and even the smallest panel room had a maximum capacity of at least a few hundred people. Although the pre-reader panel was sparsely attended (lesson learned: if you want people to show up to that shit, just say it's the Equestria Daily panel and leave out the fact that it's only pre-readers scheduled to appear on it), the crossover and adventure fic panels actually pulled sizable crowds, which was pretty amazing considering the unfortunate rap fanfic sometimes gets compared to other forms of fandom content. Regardless of any attendance figures, all three were a ton of fun, so shoutout to all my fellow panelists there: Pascoite, Alexstrazsa, Pegasus Rescue Brigade, Present Perfect, MaskedFerret, Capn Chryssalid, ABagOVicodin, Pen Stroke, Cloudhammer, SilentBelle, Wanderer D, and CyborgSamurai (and I'll tack on Golden Vision for moderating the crossover panel too, you little devil, you).
• On a semi-related note to the last one: there was an attendee at the crossover panel who was cosplaying as "Cheese Sandwich-pool", I believe, and who I noticed beforehand was wearing a somewhat ill-fitting Deadpool mask as part of his ensemble. When it came time for Q&A, he was eventually handed the mic, and before asking his question he told the room, "Hang on a second, lemme take this off real quick." The guy then proceeded to pull off his Deadpool mask to reveal another Deadpool mask beneath it, and if you don't think that's one of the most amazing, hilarious stunts ever pulled at a Bronycon panel, let me clarify something for you: that was one of the most amazing, hilarious stunts ever pulled at a Bronycon panel, and fuck you for not knowing funny when it slaps you upside the goddamn head. Whoever you were, dude, that was flawless. Well done.
• Hitting up an Orioles game with Tayman, CouchCrusader, and fuck there were two other guys there but I don't think I ever talked to them shit I feel bad now. :( Tayman, for context, is that one guy everyone knows who has an absolutely encyclopedic knowledge of baseball, and if you don't know a guy like that, you need to know one, because they're awesome. I'm not sure he realizes how great it was to have someone else to sports with in earnest, so I'm gonna go ahead and declare that here. Also, the Mariners won, so I got to watch Couch scream his head off while surrounded by increasingly intoxicated Baltimoreans. Make of my finding that hysterical what you will.
• Quills & Sofas, because of course Quills & Sofas was awesome, are you kidding me? I got to hang out with MaskedFerret (who is exactly as bubbly and friendly in person as she is here) and talk about my on-hiatus horsewords, and I spent a good 45 minutes spitballing crossover ideas with Captain Unstoppable. Both of them were people I'd never met IRL (I'd never met Cap before anywhere, actually), and they were both unexpected high points of the weekend. Aside from that, Secret Shipfic Folders and shitty fanfic ideas abounded, as they good and damn well should in a place stuffed full of fanfic authors.
• And speaking of places stuffed full of fanfic authors (that weren't skeezy hookers and/or the Shetland pony I kept saying we should rent from a petting zoo and hide up in one of our rooms), dinner at Tir Na Nog has a funny way of never being quite what we expect it to be. Last year we were expecting about 15 people and got about 30 or so, so it stands to reason that this year Sunchaser made a reservation for 30-ish people and ended up with over 60. God bless those waiters, every one. There's a group photo of us all floating around in other blogs, but I don't have that on me right now. What I do have is a heartfelt assertion that I would quite literally kill a man without hesitation if my payment was a lifetime supply of Maryland crabcakes. I'll finish off his whole crew too if you toss in some Old Bay fries.
• Seeing Guardians of the Galaxy Sunday night with Cupcakes, Present Perfect, Cloudhammer, and a whole bunch of other people I'm sure I'm forgetting now fuck I feel bad again. :((( My debatably platonic man-crush on Nathan Fillion remains unshaken, but Chris Pratt looks a damn fine second-stringer for that illustrious role.
• And finally, Sunday night in the Holiday Inn suite... well, what can even be said about that must be said in yet more bullet points, so here we go:
- a private viewing of My Little Porny: Fuucking is Magic being held, in light of the fact that our very own ABagOVicodin contributed twenty dollars to its initial crowdfunding effort, and thus doomed his eternal soul to everlasting hellfire and his mortal body to irredeemable virginity no matter how many men or women he beds in the years to come
- yours truly killing a non-zero number of liquor bottles (read as: two) single-handedly, all the while loudly complaining about the relative weakness of the spirits he was forced to resort to consuming
- yours truly also drunkenly yelling at Rarity in Season 3 episodes and swearing to Jake The Army Guy that enlisting was totally my backup plan in case my college major path didn't work out
- seriously, a lot of me being a fucking shitshow, Jesus Christ
- also, waving at the similarly rowdy brony party across the street in the Marriott, highlighted by Jake mooning them at least once
- and finally, spending so much time on the traditional post-carousing hangover shower the next morning that I completely missed ABagOVicodin actually taking Vicodin and getting loopy as all hell off it
So yeah, that about covers everything I can remember. 9/10, guys. That was okay.
And now for a brief summation of my impending attempt to complete an entry for the Equestria Daily Outside Insight contest:
Yep.
This oughta be interesting.
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I seriously followed it down the hallway and into some random panel just to make sure it was real.
It was totally real.
It was only a matter of time before P-chan showed up. Though he was missing the bandanna.
After the rave reviews you guys gave Fucking is Magic, I wish I'd gotten back to the hotels in time to see it myself.
2350387 Seriously? I got to pet it and have it lick my fingers. It was so cute!
And she totally was cosplaying AB.
Otakon 09 says hello.
Lazy friend made us eat out more rather then letting me shop for groceries to cook for us. Go to buy a camera, he goes all Sweetie Belle "I gots this" about how sure he'd be able to borrow the camcorder off his parents. Tells me not to buy a camera.
Best and worst first con ever. Worst due to having to be the one to pay for everything since doofus left everything last minute and was adamant we buy stuff LATER.
But I'll never forget the awesome cosplays and the perfect flawless real life Kuchiki Rukia ever donned a cosplay by a living being. And the many cool peeps we met along the way and the cool concerts and after hours rave. xD
Only got to go see that couple days before the con I believe due to being given free box seats by my lazy buddy's friend who got sponsored seats from Verizon for whatever reason. Got to meet some really old black dude who used to play for the Orioles. Goes to show how much I pay attention to baseball. :P
It was pretty fun for my first game though. We did the wave and I got pretty into with the crowd. Oriels even won which apparently is (or was) a rarity!
Nothing like free beer that I don't drink but drank anyways and free food!
Baltimore is pretty cool place, long as you don't leave the central part of town and don't hang outside past when it gets dark. And holy crap was finding a theater there a pain in the arse.
Anywho, glad you had a pretty good time of it all otherwise. Hanging with friends and enjoying what the ferry town part of the city has to offer is pretty cool. Just avoid that one outdoors chinese place by the massive Barns and Nobles.
Also, hope you took at least one boat ride. Best way to get around in some parts by the convention. Plus, it's just really refreshing. The crazy 3 dollar slice lunch pizzas are insane at this one local place. It's like as long as my arm! Pretty nuts!
Nothing like coming back from the docks and passing by a couple and the dude's wife slaps you on the ass and both just continue on their way laughing at the yelp you let out. Oh, wait. Most awkward moment I ever had. Friendly folks, some just a bit TOO friendly! xD
Well, broke or not. Least you had good company and did fun shit. That's all that matters, even if it might pain one a little to not leave with any physical memories of the place.
45 of the most random minutes of your life most likely. Robots, Marvel, and so much more fun! Can't wait to see you again next year, and maybe doing some work together in the meantime. ...
Robots and ponies!
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And I'm 1 out of, like, 5 people on this site who even know who P-Chan is.
Reading these blog posts has reignited my desire to be at BronyCon. I wasn't feeling it this year, but perhaps next year the Con bug will seep into me.
Oh shit, the Marriott had pony-themed key cards? D: I wish I'd stayed there now. Trotcon's hotel (might also be a Marriott) did the same thing, and that was the best shit, I tell you.
I will help.
Also yes, I forgot someone gave Vic a literal bag of vicodin. I can't remember who told me that, but that was the last I heard of it, so I'm glad something came of it.
What can I even say? There were horses, man. And it was a blast sharing them with you.
The other two guys at the Mariners game, btw, were Sunchaser and... oh, wow.
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GODDAMMIT WE WALKED THERE WITH SUNCHASER
HOW DID I FORGET HIM
DEAR PRINCESS CELESTIA I SUCK SHIT AT THIS FRIENDSHIP JUNK
A fantastic time was had by all!
~Skeeter The Lurker
OMG, I have to see that Deadpool moment. That could well be comedy perfection
Wish I knew you were heading to see a baseball game. I'd have gone. I'm the baseball stats nerd guy where I live. Hit me up on Skype if you want a long, hot dose of that.
And I did not buy any merch, either...