Why Do I Write So Erratically? · 2:53am Jul 14th, 2014
Tagging "Filly Fooling" because of its relevance to this discussion.
I first noticed it when I started "Filly Fooling." In the beginning, I was writing close to a chapter a day, updating the story crazy fast and getting quite a bit of attention for it. Then I slowed down, to the point where I needed a two month hiatus to take a break. I was totally burnt out and I couldn't find any motivation to write at all, though I kept a pretty consistent updating schedule of once a week. However, this was nothing like my earlier push.
For most of my other stories, it's a slow burn, updating once every couple of weeks. The worst of it was "Speed," my most recent multi-chapter story, in which I posted the prologue and first chapter and took four months to get out the second chapter.
Recently, I started a Modern Family story, and I pushed the first few chapters within the first couple of days, just as I had with "Filly Fooling." Those chapters were even longer, reaching 5, 6, even 7k words. Then the writing just burnt out, and now I'm barely updating once every few weeks.
This makes me ask myself why I can't seem to write at a consistent pace. The answer is more complicated than you might think.
First of all, I know exactly what caused those big pushes in "Filly Fooling" and Modern Family. I feel uncomfortable explaining exactly why to a group of strangers, and only a few people associated on this website actually know what it is. I'll just say that it feels like a creative spark, where I can write without break and pump out a long chapter in one sitting. The spark is caused by a temporary boost in creativity that dies down after a while.
And then comes the lull, the lack of motivation to write anything at all. Once in a while, I force myself to update a chapter, but the writing is not as fun, the quality suffers, and I'm disheartened by the direction I'm taking the story. Readers of "Filly Fooling" understand exactly how this went, and it's something I've since tried my hardest to avoid.
This makes me concerned that creative writing, one of my most beloved hobbies, is becoming too much of a burden, enough so that it just isn't fun anymore. Throw in an addictive fixation on video games, and what little motivation I have left to write gets sapped. Seriously, that's the only thing I'm consistently motivated to do is play video games and watch other people play games as well.
This brings about an inner conflict. In my head, I want to hold onto writing as an outlet, continue my tradition of storytelling as a way of expressing my feelings, my dreams, and my fantasies. But my heart just isn't in it, just as it's not in nearly anything else I'm doing. A slight decline in my interest in the show may be part of the problem, but the biggest factors are the video game distractions and the lack of motivation to do almost anything else.
Video games are a stimulating hobby, but not an enjoyable one, but I keep coming back to it as a distraction from my personal life. But it is not a hobby like creative writing, one that actually helps me stay in touch with my emotions and express ideas. So I know full well that writing is the "better" choice of hobby, but I continue to choose the worse choice instead.
I think what I'll do is engage in some free writing. No stories, no fanfiction. Just write about the problem and see what I can dig up. If I have an answer that makes sense, and it's one I'm willing to share, I'll follow up with another blog post. As I see it, two things can come of this:
1. I could discover that I have no more motivation to write creatively and finally let go of the responsibility of keeping up with my stories. This would be the sadder choice, one that would certainly not sit well with those of you who enjoy reading my writing.
2. I could discover what is getting in the way of my writing, work to get through it, and make a resurgence into this fandom. This would obviously be the better choice, but it won't happen unless I can solve this puzzle.
Until I figure out what's going on, I hope you can be patient with me. My writing's been erratic at best the past two years, and now at least you have some idea why.
TL;DR: Writing's good for me, but lack of motivation is killing my drive to write for this fandom and express my ideas and emotions. I'm going to find out what's going on and get back to you later.
In my experience, you never really stop being a writer. There are ups and downs of creative output in every writer's life. Shoot, it took five months of on-again-off-again writing to get one of my stories to work right.
For me, writing has been tough lately what with life's little annoyances distracting/exhausting me.
But the urge to write, to create something other pony fans will like will always be with you.
How badly do you want to write? Is that urge stronger than the temporary happiness video games get you? (I play games less and less as writing is more rewarding for me.)
It's up to you to decide what path to walk, of course. Just try to not get too stressed about this.
Creativity only comes from a calm environment. Inner peace is the key.
Take care, okay?
I wish you luck in figuring out what's causing this mental block. Most of all try not to beat yourself up too much. Focus on the positives that you're able to try and figure out why writing is less appealing.
This is my exact problem. I'm on the last act of my story "A Sanguine Dawn", an 80k+ story that's been on haitus for months now. I cranked out the first ten chapters in one night, then a chapter a day, then a week, months, so on so forth. In fact, I'm typing this comment as I play Mass Effect 3. I have lost almost all interest in writing, and it saddens me because I am letting my hundreds of followers(here and on FanFic.net) down.
...
You're not alone here, mate. The horrid laziness and boredom burdens many afold.