Personality · 1:19am Jun 9th, 2014
So much for waiting 'til tomorrow.
I have dependent personality disorder. But what is dependent personality disorder? Well, according to psychcentral.com . . .
Dependent personality disorder is characterized by a long-standing need for the person to be taken care of and a fear of being abandoned or separated from important individuals in his or her life. This leads the person to engage in dependent and submissive behaviors that are designed to elicit care-giving behaviors in others. The dependent behavior may be see as being “clingy” or “clinging on” to others, because the person fears they can’t live their lives without the help of others.
Individuals with Dependent Personality Disorder are often characterized by pessimism and self-doubt, tend to belittle their abilities and assets, and may constantly refer to themselves as “stupid.” They take criticism and disapproval as proof of their worthlessness and lose faith in themselves. They may seek overprotection and dominance from others. Occupational functioning may be impaired if independent initiative is required. They may avoid positions of responsibility and become anxious when faced with decisions. Social relations tend to be limited to those few people on whom the individual is dependent.
Those two paragraphs fit me pretty good. That second one in particular fits me to a T. But how did I get it? My family.
My mom is codependent, my dad is a fellow dependent and my brother has narcissistic personality disorder. My brother belittled me to further his delusion that none are greater than him. My father wasn't really there much, and when he was, he was extremely passive-aggressive about everything. Between my father and brother, I grew up in a culture centered around the dodging and shaming of blame. Being the lowest on the totem pole, I was the go-to for such activities.
My mom didn't blame me, and actually tried to help my self esteem by telling me I did good jobs on things. She was nice. She was also extremely overprotective. She freely admits this, having gotten college lessons in child psychology in the past few years.
With that as the world I grew up in, I developed and used this philosophy for much of my life: you can do nothing wrong if you simply do nothing. And thus began the decade or more that I spent doing nothing but going on the internet, playing video games, and watching TV/movies. At the age of 21, I am still finding it difficult to get rid of this philosophy, for the most part.
So, I took a Meyers-Briggs Type Indicator, or MBTI for short today. I got INFP.
INFPs may also often retreat into their “hermit” state (this personality type can easily switch between the “active” and “hermit” states), withdrawing from the world and getting lost in their deep thoughts. Their partner may then need to spend quite a lot of effort to energize and “awaken” the INFP.
Sound familiar? It should, I basically described it just a bit ago. Or something very similar, at any rate. It seems I went into a toxic version of the INFP's hermit state. Now I just need to break out.
On more positive notes, here's something else from the INFP page.
INFPs share a trait common among the Diplomat (NF) types: their aptitude for foreign languages is unmatched. INFPs also often become great writers and actors as they can easily reflect and convey their own personalities using the fictional characters. Generally speaking, people with this personality type are extremely creative, innovative, and goal-oriented. They can be great advocates for causes they truly believe in.
It also mentions famous people who had this personality type. That's right, I have the same primary personality type as J. R. R. Tolkien and William Shakespeare. Guess who's pumped up to get some writing done.
Hmm, and I just got done discussing dependency and codependency between Quirky and Noctilucent in PLSS.
Neat. Life is serendipitous and coinkydinky at times.