There's no fence on this fence! · 2:04pm May 30th, 2014
As some of you have probably figured out, I'm slowly getting back into writing. If I can manage to finish a couple of my other stories, I'm going to start work on new projects that I've had sitting for a while. Some of which are as follows:
>A first contact story
>A rewrite of 99
>One last chapter to Dynamic Entry
>A sequel/successor to a couple of stories
>Some more chapters to some of my other stories, like WINI or Sticky Situations
So yeah. There's plenty I want to get done, it's just taken me a while to get back into whatever groove it was I was in when I started.
On that note, a little bit of explanation why I seemed to fizzle out:
After I posted Dynamic Entry's last chapter, I started to feel disinterested with writing. Not so much burnt out, just uninterested and not motivated. So, I tried to write a few different things, something to try and take my mind off of DE, but it didn't really help. The worst part of it all was that I was frustrated with myself. I was disappointed that I had done so many things wrong with DE, disappointed that I had started so many stories, only to have them not be continued.
I've been this frustrated for a while, and I've been trying to figure out why for the longest time. I'm still not 100% sure, but I think it has something to do with how DE turned out after spending so much time and effort on it. I know many of you probably never read DE; which is fine, I'm not asking you to or anything like that; but it was an emotional investment on my side that I wound up messing up in more than a few big ways, and disappointing more than just myself with in the process.
When I started DE, I looked forward to writing it, and apparently more than a few people looked forward to reading it. The thrill that came with writing something that someone wanted to read took a nose dive after I started really messing up with the story. Things started to get sour, the story started to become 'controversial' and spark arguments and things like that. I would stick with the idea of 'it's my first story, everybody's gotta learn sometime,' which is true, but I was too naive to realize what I was doing until it was far too late.
The long and short of this is, that while I had the intention of learning from any mistakes I made in DE, I wound up punishing myself fairly harshly as well. I'm an extremely self-critical person, more so than most, it would seem.
/rant
I don't post 'blogs' or things like this very often, but it seemed like a good enough spot to put my little rant, so there you have it. I make no promises as to what stories are going to be updated next, as my muse is a fickle one, but I dare say I'm back in the writing game at the very least.
Another Borderlands 2 reference?
Why not
GRIND GRIND GRIND. KILL KILL KILL.
There's totally a fence on this fence.
Well darn, I had no idea you had an account here! I somehow completely missed it.
I'm glad you've refound your muse. I went through a similar phase of being utterly, completely burned out after finishing a long story (and reflecting on what could've been done better). No matter how you ultimately decide to look back on your work, please know that there are those of us out there who did enjoy it. Following DE (and Heshie's Chrysalis story) was kind of the golden era for AiE, at least in my own personal case.
Good luck on your future projects! I'll definitely be looking forward to them.
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Over here, my sweet meats, your prince of justice and genocide has something to say: Gone are the days of the tentacle and the age of the gods and mercy is far away... We are the fighters of the middle, the second act in the three-part MEAT play, AND I WILL WIN BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR!
2158833
Don't you lie to me.
2185535
I'll be honest, when I saw my notification bubble pop up, this was not what I was expecting in the slightest.
I didn't even know you read DE.
Thanks for the comment and the words and all that jazz, it actually does mean quite a bit to me.
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I'm honestly surprised you've heard of me.
I'm pretty sure everyone who was around in July 2012 read DE. I was just getting into AiE at the time and it had me captivated. It also put the idea in my head that you could write a polyamory story instead of having to stick to just one heroine, which is partially what inspired my first story when I finally got up the courage to start writing.
I told Heshie this story too, but around that time I went on a backpacking trip to a remote area outside of the power / cell phone grid. When I got to the top of the mountain I was climbing I managed to get a single bar, and the first thing I did was hop over to pastebin to check for updates from my favorite writers so I could download them to read on my phone later that night. Those were the days...
It's good to have you back.
I dont think DE is in any way messed up, I find it a very light hearted and dermatic story. If you made a sequeal you could and even tie up a lot of lose ends and side stories that where within the story itself, like the hole thing with Filthy Rich.
If you'd like I could shoot you a few ideas I thought up while reading the story, I think I've already posted a few on the main story posts. But thats all up to you, either way its a good story. Thank you for writing it and keep on writing, I really like your writing style....
I'VE POWDERED MY COCKATIEL FOR THE RIBCAGE SLAUGHTER!
Is this blog still relevant to you? It doesn't seem like it but idk
What happened to pull you away from this then-new conviction?
If it's still DE, make something that brings some sort of closure. But if it's not too much, please leave the old one up for us 800+ that enjoy your original work if you wouldn't mind.
Whatever you decide to do, mostly I just hope you're not still beating yourself down over DE and that you're overall doing well.
There's a lot of pressure when you make something you really feel, when you put yourself out there like that, and it's easy to be hurt.
Your ratings don't lie though, and 881 people enjoyed what you made. That's a crazy number of people. Clearly you were doing something right.
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You know, I've had this comment open for a while now, trying to figure out how I'd respond.
Truth be told, I'm not sure what happened. The running theory in my head is that I wrote too much too quickly and burned myself out; but every time I ponder that for more than a minute, it seems like a pretty weak theory. Creativity and the urge to write (or create arts, for that matter) isn't a faucet that people just have a limited amount of.
I've got four or five different tabs, each with different stories, open - not to mention two or three to-be-started idea tabs. Yet, every time I get the opportunity to write I make an excuse. When there are no excuses to make, I convince myself that I can't waste my time writing, I've got something to do that I've been forgetting about.
The idealist in me says that I'm afraid of something. If I had to guess, it'd be fear of not finishing something I start. Way back when I was writing DE on 4chan, someone told me that I was going to 'burn myself out' and never finish the story because of how much I was writing. It really sank into my mind, becoming this nagging feeling I just couldn't shake. It's a stupid thing to have bother me; but of all the other things said on that site, none really resonated quite like it with me. It's the only theory that makes sense though - look at my library of stories, and there are four that are 'completed' out of the eleven that I've started.
I had a dumb idea when I started writing, and a certain level of spite pushed me to just sit down and try it out. 225,000 words later, and here I am, lost as to why I can't seem to kick myself back into gear. What's interesting, at least to me, is that since I've stopped writing, I've become a much less energetic person. Less friendly, shorter fuse, taking things far more personally than I should - that kind of thing.
This was a weird amount of insight for a comment on a site about pastel pony fanfiction, but that's besides the point I guess.
To address your concerns though, I have an odd view towards what I write. Once something is completed, it stays that way. Corrections of errors will still happen as I find them, but I don't overwrite old stories with new versions of them. If I'm going to re-create something, it'll be its own thing, to be judged as such.
This got kinda weird kinda fast, sorry about that.
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Nothing to apologize for, there's levels to this and they all can get to a person. And while your levels are tuned to you in a way that I doubt I could help with too much, what little I can do I will.
People here believe in you, and the reasonable won't push. Whatever you do end up doing, you need to know and believe that you'll have fans backing you with sincerity and empathy. Anything that's yours is going to have that personal touch so many loved in what you've made, and not just DE.
Fearing you won't finish anything is understandable, but what's just so special about what you do is that you're passionate about what you make. It's evident with how you're overthinking this. So while as sound of logic as "if I don't start I can't not finish" may be, you have potential that's currently flowing nowhere, and that's a shame. Trying is the biggest step right now, getting started and sticking with it. And people would really appreciate seeing something new from you again, regardless of what it may be, update, blog, new story, doesn't matter which.
You seem acutely aware of your shirking habits, so counter what you can. Don't think "I'm going to spend my whole day on this", to try to avoid your thinking you could do better things, because creating should be much higher on your list of priorities than it seems to be. Instead, try for a hundred words between what ever it may be you have to do, for starters at least. Forcing this sort of thing can lead to resentment and I'd really hate for your talents to go to waste.
As for how you've responded after your writing came to such an abrupt end, those exact traits often come into effect when this sort of thing happens.
It's like you're constantly tired, but can't get to sleep when you're so busy tossing and turning because nothing's quite comfortable anymore. The blanket is too hot and the air is too cold. Everything is so much louder and the silence is too quiet. It all seems to be too much or too little. So then you end up feeling like this. Tired and frustrated.
When it gets like that maybe sleep isn't actually best for you then, you just think it is. You might even have something to do the next day, but instead of laying in bed wide awake and upset guaranteeing you won't be restful, you should get up and go for a walk to enjoy what you can, you'll feel better. In this example 'sleep' is the worry induced hiatus, whereas 'a walk', by process of elimination, is writing.
Obviously you know yourself better than any of us, so you choose if being harder on yourself is more constructive. If so, set aside a concrete day where everything else is squared away, all the little tasks and errands as well as any big projects. The 100 words a day method can be useful too if you're absolutely strapped for time. There's other prompts, methods, and plans to help get back to it, but those two are often best.
The crucial part of this though, in my opinion, is to do it because it's the right thing to do. Not because we'll read it, but because you'll write it, and you'll enjoy it. You've said how this is bringing you down, so write to ease your mind. You don't even have to post, just put the thoughts down to words, they can be such a burden trapped in your head.
Whatever you do we all hope and want the best for you, and please don't ever doubt yourself. Because-
1: You have talent.
2: Any pressure you may feel is unfounded.
3: We will support you.
Best of luck
now how's THAT for kinda weird :^]