Words from a reader · 4:50pm Mar 15th, 2014
The Lost Element has drawn praise, scorn, hatred, and enjoyment, but I never expected to receive words quite this deep or powerful.
Words won't adequately express my feelings on the story you have created. There are tears on my face even as I write this. Honestly, just forming words enough to write them is difficult right now. Yet I still feel like I must speak. Though where could I even begin? Your story touched me more deeply than anything in a long time now. I suppose I could start by noting the eerie similarities in the major aspects of James' life and personality. My own great love collapsed after a long distance beginning. Numerous ups and downs until tears nearly rolled down my cheeks as she walked down the aisle towards me when we married. With great sadness, it came to be realized she wasn't true with me as I was to her. Even now I grieve that she may well have married me because I was studying helicopter flight at the time and she saw a chance to escape the life she'd felt trapped in, despite most of her family being good people. As fate would play her hand, the school closed and had taken everyone's money, leaving us all with a great deal of loan debt. What strikes me most the day my former instructor called to tell me is my wife did not do anything of comfort at first, only looked down with a sense of something difficult to name. In hindsight, perhaps it was partly her reason to marry me falling apart in an instant. I suppose it does not matter all that much. When I look back at the less than three years we stayed married, I clearly see a pervasive sense of disconnect and lack of understanding. Always wanting me to be this or that, expecting me to be what she wanted without ever grasping how much I needed her guidance to get out of the maelstrom of a lifetime of disappointment and manipulation I have endured without ever having time to find stable ground for myself. She never wanted to truly help me with anything that was of no benefit to her. Were I writing with scroll and ink, you might well have seen blurred script about here. For all the depth I felt and continue to feel for her though she's lived across the states from me coast to coast for over 3 years now, she never returned any of it save at the surface and rare glimmers when her real soul was not restrained in her need to help. Yes, I knew her seven years before we wed and knew well who she really is within, despite the sad state of her being unable to let down her masks. I have not seen it more than once or twice since she left with our daughter. Yes, we had a beautiful little girl a bit more than a year before she left. It is not something needed here beyond mentioning that I now watch as my five year old daughter grows mostly just over a webcam and painfully few blessed times every year and a half I can afford the trip to bring her home for a week with me. My inner turmoil makes it a great challenge to connect with her from so far. Moving on though, it resonates so deeply in me and became a bit more clear upon reading your story, that this world is not my place. The sorrow and pain from so much tragedy all around, the pointless reasons behind nearly all of it, everything slowly crushes me within. I have feared at times that is not inner scars but poisoning of the soul that drains me so much. I endured a father who was angry and abusive emotionally, eventually even physically before my parents divorced. I was withdrawn and lacking social understanding, which left me with rarely any friends and often teasing and insults. Towards the end of high school, a great friendship grew so we were like brothers but the poison world the little group we were in greatly instigated by a girl with deep, deep hurt I might even compare to little Ruby, though she was still alive. In the end, the mind games and manipulation, the rape accusation, my long running but failed efforts to help all my friends of our little group heal their deep pains...finally I got help from family and a friend and permanently left that nightmare. The scars though, they were very deep. I look at your portrayal of Equestria, the acceptance and genuine friendliness in Ponyville, and long greatly for a place people would just be kind and helpful without the deep mistrust and suspicion our world suffers. Much as with James, despite all I have endured, I hate not one person no matter what they have done to me. I even tried to on occasion but it just is not in my nature to hate. I keep my distance, drive people away rather often, but never hate and despite my inner scars messing with my willingness, always feel compassion to someone hurting. I wish I could be somewhere else than a world that somehow blithely ignores the importance of that which the Elements of Harmony bring to a life. I had seen your story series previously, though did not feel drawn to read until becoming locked to it this past Sunday. I am not a fast reader so with work and sleep, I only just finished. I slept an hour or two less each day and have lost appetite just to read more. Perhaps desperation to ever so briefly feel transported to a world like Equestria. I am even a bit grieved I finished now, though unusually for me, I feel I might read it all again. Perhaps you can take it as encouragement to write even more. I will take it as it comes though. In a way, I want to ask you questions and yet have none to voice. Perhaps it is silly dreaming, but were any such thing possible, I would go to live in Equestria in a heartbeat. With my grandfather gone nearly two years now, the only connection I really have here is my daughter and she will ultimately be alright. I hope you will be writing this story for some time to come and if hints of plotlines for the future are to be believed, you seem to have far to go. Please excuse my simple ramblings. I generally never send private messages and simply offer my praise of a story in the comments. This has just felt...as if...quietly important. I hope you do not mind and thank you for taking the time to read this if you did. Somehow, this story of yours has finally cracked, temporary as it is, the shell and outward face I carry in a desperate attempt to hold onto my deeper self and never lose the gentleness deep within me that I must sometimes regretfully hide away in the shadows of myself. Heck, I even try to avoid killing insects most times. It hurts that I have to carry a mask that does not care and sometimes exercises harshness. There are times the mask takes over too much and I treat another unpleasantly or avoid helping them. How does one even express the sorrow of watching themselves be mean at any time, somehow losing control for a time and hurting someone in some way? I often think that I am gradually withering away inside. Shrinking so that the mask, the front of armor I needed just to avoid personal destruction...that this shell is sinking further in. I just want a simple life with dear friends who don't judge and actually understand me. My best friend and his wife are honestly the only ones I can say just accept me, quirks and all. He was there for me after the divorce without hesitation. Not even my family, the ones I live with, leave me feeling quite as accepted. I have no other friends that are anywhere near close. Please forgive the length. I suppose it is easy to see I had a fair bit of things to say. There is no need to reply if you don't know what to say so please don't think I am expecting anything in response. All this just hounded me for a couple days even though I waited until finishing. Rather than seeing if I might ramble further though, I will simply thank you again for your story. I wish you well.
Damn... Just... damn...
... That's deep.
Holy crap, this guy was really touched by your story... I feel sorry for him. A world built from imagination that would truly be a place of paradise, but have no way to actually reach it. Poor guy, I really hope he finds someone that can help him. Reality hurts, but we must face it.
It's a community like this that brings us all together in our own Peace and Harmony. I feel terribly sad for this man and I hope he does well later in life. He may want to live in Equestria but we make our own by sharing our stories of it or making songs.
Huh... I know what this guy feels. Let down by the love of your life? Check. Not able to see the ones you love? Check. Social idiot? ... Can I infi-check this? Shedding liquid sadness? Yup. Bro, I feel for you. Nobody can empathize with us because they haven't experienced it. Some days... just aren't worth living. The Color Nine sends you his regards. The only thing we can do: Keep Buggering On. (Please send him this. He needs to know he is not alone. I would send it myself, but you did not include his name.)
1930897 Yes, but that doesn't compare, now does it?