2022 recap · 12:56am Dec 28th, 2022
I’m uncertain of how to feel about this year. 2018 was the worst year of my life at the time which every following year being part of a downward spiral. And I recall 2021 being so miserable for me towards the end that I rarely left the house without a full flask on my person.
I may as well get the worst out of the way first. Almost right off the bat, I caught Covid for the first time. Thankfully, being vaccinated beforehand greatly reduced the severity and it only ended up being a nuisance being quarantined at home. And then came the death of my father.
I’ve already spoken at length about my strained relationship with my father and there is so much more I can say, but I want to keep this section brief. All I will say is this. I only cried once and that was on the night of his death. After that, I shed no tears as I processed what him being gone meant for me. It was very awkward for me to sit through the funeral procession hearing people singing his praises when I was much more familiar with a side of him the pubic was fortunate enough to not be exposed to. I almost turned down an offer to carry his ashes out of the cathedral, but I decided to do it anyway. Not for him, but for everyone else there.
One last thing I will say is this. My cousin, who’s become something of an on and off drinking buddy of mine this year, told me that my father claimed he regretted “not getting to understand me better”. To the uninitiated, this sounds heartbreaking. But to me who actually remembered the truth, this was the ultimate confirmation that my father went out of his way to forget that I was afraid of him and why I was just so he could have a clear conscience by never having to own up to his mistakes and change as a person. My father, even on his deathbed, chose pride over humility. And I find that to be utterly despicable.
My father was not the only person to basically be removed from my life this year. My mother finally found the will to pull the plug and ship my grandmother out to a nursing home this year. I have not spoken of her much outside of Deviantart, but all that needs to be known is that she went from being my favorite person in the world to someone I hold nothing but contempt for.
How do you pull that off? By becoming a selfish coward who can’t stop making every possible wrong decision in your twilight years. My grandmother’s selfishness and cowardice resulted in her becoming a recluse, which opened the doors to dementia and eventually Alzheimer’s. I have confirmed that this was not the result of bad genes since such neurological disorders do not run in her family, making it the result of external factors and lifestyle choices. My grandmother, whether she knows it or not, exploited her family’s emotional attachment to her into wasting thousands of dollars on keeping her out of a home just to keep her comfortable, even though she was long past the point of being sympathetic. I have to wonder what I would see in her if I could go back in time to bring 5 years old again without the blind emotional attachment I had for her 30 years ago. My grandmother was apparently never that great a person. She just used to be much better at hiding it.
My father and grandmother taught me there is no such thing as a perfect family. A very jading realization. But once two of the biggest sources of negativity in my life was finally gone, thing’s generally became more stable for me. It was relieving to not have to ever deal with them again. I know that’s a very sad thing to say about family, but I didn’t ask for who I got.
This year, paradoxically, gif better for me around the halfway point. I wouldn’t say 2022 was a good year, but it was an improvement over recent years. And if there’s one thing that was a definitive high point of 2022, it is that this year was the single most productive year I’ve had in writing.
From the start of 2022 to the end, I have finished 24 chapters of The Lost Element. With a word count of roughly 581k. That’s 1/6 of the story’s current length at this time and I’m not really sure how I pulled that off. I doubt I’ll ever have a year this productive again, but I am glad the end of Volume 5 is only five chapters away.
I guess I can say I’m exiting this year with a bit of cautious optimism. A year that started awful before getting gradually better. I hope 2023 does not disappoint me.
2022 wasn't bad for me. Until, november decided to be a dick in its last day by taking my pet cat away. I have the same hope as you are that 2023 is a better year.
Hate to hear that so much happened to ya these past few years, man. I've been following your story since around 2020 while writing my fics and I've got to say the fact that you've been capable of pimping out legitimately great chapters to The Lost Element while dealing with these things is astounding in its own right.
I may not be able to understand what you've gone through, my own family wasn't nearly as jaded (but even then it's not perfect), but I can honestly see that you've got people in your corner, even if we are connected by typed words on a screen alone.
Stay frosty, friend. There aren't many writers with your level of dedication, and I'll be damned if I let one go unappreciated
Sorry to hear you have it rough but hope get better for you 2023 even if you don’t know us much
Yeah, 2022 hasn't been too awesome for me really. I'm truly hoping 2023 is better and, as the years move into the 2030s, the world gets a bit better too.
I'm glad your feeling better, I hope things turn out better next year and that things improve more for you and your friends too. I also loved what you wrote this past year, truly a masterpiece in my opinion. And love how its currently going.
anyway I'm glad to know your doing alright with yourself.
Yeah, I know how that goes. I had serious problems with my family too, but things got better once I got out from under their thumbs and got my feet under myself. Things should keep getting better from here, especially if you focus on building economic stability and a rainy day fund to eliminate financial stress. You may not even realize money is dragging you down, but it takes a huge load off your shoulders if you know you have enough in the bank to deal with an accident, sickness, or injury so you shouldn't accept living with it.
I hope things get better for you. But with this being reality we can only hope things go from shitty to slightly less shitty. But as a suggestion, I'd reccomend some t.h.c products, at least 30mg - if it's legal in your area. That's what I never leave the house without. Pair it with your booze of choice. Fewer/less severe hangovers, less damage to liver/kidneys (not that I do it for that reason, but it is a plus, I guess), and finally you'll be so numb nothing will really bother you.
And escapism.
Good luck.
2022 sucked.
How were you this productive with your writing?!
I am so behind. 
I'm sorry to read that 2022 was a bittersweet year for you (no rhyme intended
), but at least you're going out on a happy note.
You're right. As someone who hasn't gone through a similar experience to you, it can be a little hard to comprehend for an onlooker staring in. If it's worth anything, 2022 was bittersweet for me too, for different reasons, but I won't go into details here and now.
I'm glad that this year has been extremely productive for you in terms of your written works. It may have put me even more behind than I was at this time last year, but it was out of my hands.
I'm still trying to catch up at the present time.
I'm also glad that you're starting to feel some optimism for the year ahead, as am I.
Hold on to that. Happiness can be life-changing for some people, and they do say that laughter is the best medicine for a reason.
When the seven swans are swimming, lets ring the new year in with a smile.
I am sorry to hear that things have not been going well. I do hope that you will have a better 2023. I'm sending good vibes your way.