Rage Review: The Best Human in Equestria Story Ever · 4:33am Feb 17th, 2014
So Officer Soundwave totally deleted my review, so I'm posting it here.
So I found this piece of fucking shit today, and let me tell you, this has got to be one of the worst fics I have ever read. If I ever met the author of this story, I would cut his dick down the middle with an Exacto knife and pour mustard all over it so he can learn what a piece of shit fucksucker he is. How can a story be so bad? Let's take a look
Already, I can see it's only 1,000 words in total. Either this shithead is either really fucking lazy, or he's just trying to piss me off. Well, guess what? It's fucking working!
I was jerking off to a picture of your aunt on Facebook
Right off the bat, just instant dumb. Literally read a dozen words and I want to die.
I was jerking off to a picture of your aunt on Facebook when my penis began acting fucking weird.
That's called an ejaculation, you prepubescent fuck.
It started wobbling on its own, which I thought was sexy as shit, so I started fingering my asshole.
Why would you begin fingering yourself if your penis began moving by itself? Wouldn't you be scared? Oh, I see, this is going to be one of those main characters.
Suddenly, my penis started growing pink-ass hair. It turned into some pony thing that I may have heard about.
Well, did you or not? And your penis turned into a pony?
1. What the fuck is wrong with you?
2. Why are you acting so fucking indifferently about it?
3.She slid her asshole off of my penis and began sucking it. I was so turned on that I kicked this bitch right in the taco.
So getting turned on involves committing genital mutilation? You fucking sadistic cunt. And how can you kick her in the vagina while she's facing you? How does that work?
Pinkie Pie came so hard that her pussy became a rocket that flew us out of her window and into space.
Wait, so her name is Pinkie Pie? And how the fuck can her vagina launch you two that far out without you dying from g-forces? Well, at least he'll suffocate in the vacuum of spa-
Pinkie Pie was still sucking my penis as we continue to fuck towards the sun.
Or get's burned by the sun's intense heat. That works too.
The sun turned into a giant vagina and swallowed us up, where I found that we were flying over a colorful little town full of fuckable little ponies.
As we got closer to the town, I punched Pinkie Pie in the face until the cunt took her mouth off of my penis. Pinkie ran away laughing.
Because that's how people normally react to being repeatedly punched in the face, right?
RIGHT?
“Wow,” said Rarity. “No one’s ever face-fucked Pinkie Pie with their fist before.”
Who the fuck is Rarity? And why didn't she just say "punched her" instead of... what-the-fuck-ever that was?
She then ran up to me and began sucking my penis with her vagina.
Can this asshole not explain sex normally? What, does he think he's being cute? Is he being funny? I got news for you, dumbass!
YOU'RE NOT!
Twilight Sparkle then levitated the both of us in the air and began fucking my asshole with her horn. Rainbow Dash then shoved her cunt in my face until the lips of her vagina were around my neck.
And now, every pony just wants to fuck you? And how the fuck would your head fit in there? Why am I only four paragraphs in and I already asked more than double that in questions that I'll probably never have answered!
“Hey look everybody,” I shouted. “I have a mask on.”
It's the dumbest sounding fucking mask I've ever heard in my life.
Everyone laughed so hard that they all grew penises.
...
...
...
HOW?!
How would laughing give someone a sex change? Were you slammed against the wall when you were an infant?
I came on Rarity’s new penis, while Rainbow Dash came on my face, while Twilight came in my asshole with her horn.
It's fucking scary that this is probably the most normal sentence in the entire fucking story.
Suddenly, I started turning inside out from my asshole until I turned into a pony with a 30 inch penis.
This is what happens when you get inverted inside out. Does this looke anything like a pony with a thirty inch penis to you?
Applejack got excited and began shoving my penis inside her asshole. She continued to shove my penis in her asshole until the head of my penis poked out of her throat.
What? How the fuck is she still alive? Not even counting the fact that for a thirty inch phallic object to pop out of her mouth, it would have to pierce though her digestive track and have her body scrunched like an accordion, how is she not choking.
Applejack then licked the head of my penis with her tongue, causing me to cum from my penis and out of her mouth.
You must be so fucking proud.
Fluttershy ran to the puddle of jizz on the floor and tried lapping it up. All of the sudden, Shining Armor came out of nowhere and impaled that stupid bitch with his horn.
Why? What the fuck do you have against Fluttershy? Go fuck yourself. And wait, isn't Shining Armor in Canterlot (at the time this story was written).
“Thank Captain Crunch,” I said. “I was so sick of that cunt.”
Just like I'm sick of you, cunt.
“Me too,” said Shining Armor. I then chewed Shining Armor’s asshole until he came all over my eyes.
So now you're bisexual? And how can he cum on you when he's behind you?
“So what do you want to do now?” asked Rainbow Dash as she rubbed her penis against my penis.
“I dunno,” I gargled with Applejack’s penis in my mouth. “I wanna kill some stuff.”
“It. Is. On!” exclaimed Rarity as she came a gallon of sour cream from her penis.
So, Rarity now cums a fermented dairy product? I can't say I'm shocked by this point.
“By the way,” said Pinkie Pie to you the reader. “Click on each link and listen each video at the same time in a different tab. Do it, or I’ll murder your ass.”
Um... okay?
GAH! FUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOU!!!
I went to the school yard with Applejack and fucking knocked the door down with my penis.
If I had to take a shot everytime you said penis, I'd fucking shank your ass.
“Hey, you little fuckers,” I shouted. “It’s time to play ‘Smack Your Little Fucker Faces with My Penis Until You Fucking DIE!’”
I then spun like a ballerina all gay and smacked each one of their little fucker faces with my penis until they fucking DIED!
Gee, how fucking original.
Cheerilee was so fucking turned on that she turned into a fucking dog and exploded.
I then went to Sweet Apple Acres and shoved my cock into the barn causing it to explode. Granny Smith died because I fucking said so, and then Winona ran out of the house with her erect elephant penis and fucked Applejack raw.
So... many things wrong. One of the worst breakings of the fourth wall since... the last time you did. Winona (a fucking female) has a penis.
How much meth did you smoke as a fetus. If it's not measured in pounds, clearly you're a fucking liar.
Big Macintosh hopped on his penis like a goddamned pogo stick and jackhammered my asshole because I’m apparently gay now.
Oh, and your chewing of Shining Armor's anus wasn't enough of an indicator.
And then we had gay sex until we came all over the apples.
As opposed to "hopping on his penis like a goddamned pogo stick and jackhammered your asshole," which is completely fucking different from gay sex, apparently.
I shoved my hoof into Big Mac’s rubber cheerio, which made him exhale really fucking hard. All of the apples were fucking plucked from the trees until they were sucked into his mouth-fucking hole.
Big Mac then jumped into the air until we were in space.
Yes, that's right. There's a JonTron video embedded into the video.
With my body firmly snug in Big Macintosh’s asshole, we plummeted back towards the earth. I was so excited that my tits came. As we were about to get fucking destroyed by the earth, Applejack stuck her ass out and we fell into her asshole and flew out of her penis and towards Pony-fucking-ville.
Actually, that never happened and if you did think that, you’re fucking dumb.
Says the asshole who wrote this story.
They flew towards Canter-fucking-lot where Princess Celestia was having sex with Princess Luna’s penis.
What? When did they get involved, and why do they have penises?
Big Mac and I found the two princesses fucking and decided to fuck them right in the penises.
You already failed in vaginal, oral, and anal sex, so don't think for one second that you can make docking sound sexy.
Princess Celestia came so hard that Equestria fucking exploded, and by fucking exploded, I mean everypony turned into a fucking fish, except for me because I’m fucking awesome.
I then said the magic words. “I wish, I wish,
to use this rhyme,
to go back home
until next time.”
My penis grew to the size of a planet and floated towards the sun. The sun turned back into a vagina and let me fuck it. I fucked the sun and made it my bitch. The sun came so hard that it fucking supernovaed all over my fucking penis and sucked me into a black hole.
NO! NO NO NO! YOU DO NOT GET TO RUIN DRAGON TALES WITH YOUR PERVERTED BULLSHIT STORY!
I woke up back in my bedroom feeling sweaty and wet. I then woke up and found that I had a vagina.
I was so happy that I ran downstairs to my grandma’s sex chamber and shoved C4 into my tight, little cunt.
Considering the embodiment of mental retardation you created, I'd say that this would be a normal reaction for him.
I ran across the street and kicked my neighbor’s asshole dog in the penis before I detonated the C4 and ended the fucking universe.
How does C4 blow up the entire fucking universe, especially since you can only fit enough into your tiny vagina? God, can we finally get some answers to all this?
And that’s how I took your sister’s virginity.
The End, you FUCKING CUNTS!!!!!
FUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ciao.
15.5/10
>mfw this story
1.bp.blogspot.com/_WupTYuceq-k/TKS1UoN_d0I/AAAAAAAAAQ8/EhgpQ1QzH64/s640/gaston.jpg
Wow. That story
youthis person wrote is really fucking badBest story ever 100/10 would fap again.
Huh... I actually went and read it based on this review... I sincerely hoped this was a prank. I reported the story. I've never seen a story before with no redeeming value of any kind. Now I have. This belongs on 4chan, the darkest most depraved parts of that site... Not here.
............................................................................ i got a few things to say about this story(that i F*****G read to make sure it wasnt a Hallucination Oh god why did i do that
)
media.tumblr.com/0af4ab5d45b6e8f1f26f98475ef1f496/tumblr_inline_mu7keiWoND1r1d4ke.gif
heatherlaree.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/04-06-11_I_can.jpg
fuer-gruender.de/blog/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/Logo-Honestly.jpg
4.bp.blogspot.com/_39A_O7kTA9g/S_KsIQG-y9I/AAAAAAAAAEg/dGJogzfz58I/s1600/say.jpg
s2.quickmeme.com/img/26/2606b225920d3d87a29c2afb171f7c2de15e02dfe4a470ba730a86d456cef7d1.jpg
s2.quickmeme.com/img/21/21b1e6e63323f5fddcba53b5aa81c252a3e550d8e1f08a57373d916269ccb0bc.jpg
encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTSIDo43ccW2hF-1nkP_I3KcdpzGWpiRfc5oJslhHGTpb8uswlT6A
KILL IT WITH FIRE!!!!!!!!!
I have 3 Question...
1. Why the admin approved this story....
2. maybe the one who wrote that was not serious and it was more a WTF story just for the laugh.
3. Or maybe he is really a shit head
Not sure what's more insane....
The fact that you rage reviewed your own trollfic...
... or the fact that an admin deleted said review of your own trollfic.