Apologies and Explanations · 8:31am Feb 14th, 2014
Howdy, folks!
Okay, first order of business: business. I'm sure by now you've all seen the Rainbow Rocks trailer. Well, after reading the threads, the blogs, and the comments, alls I have to say is:
Let's be for real-real here for a sec, guys and gals. I think that at some point during all the analysis, the breakdowns, the deep looks at the plot(huehuehuehuehuehue) we've forgotten that MLP is not some high form of art or expression. It's a children's cartoon show. It's owned by a business, and news flash: businesses don't owe you shit. They exist for one reason: to make money. Now yes, you benefit from that—yay capitalism—but at the end of the day, Hasbro is looking for the Almighty Dollar. Now, whether you liked it or not, Equestria Girls was a financial success. Therefore, they're gonna make another one.
Now, what do I personally think? Well, as I've said numerous times, I like the show even when it's objectively bad, so... yeah, I'm gonna go see it in theaters, loud and proud in my brony shirt, zero fucks given. Also, Applejack plays the bass:
This is an instant win in my book.
So, now that we have that over and done with, on to the main point of this blog. A few days back, I posted a horribly misspelled and grammar-slaying blog, spouting some emo crap about my inability to write. Eakin thought I was drunk, but the truth is much more depressing. I was having a minor panic attack.
Yes, yes. I'm aware of the seeming impossibility of that: the hardcore, joe-smoking, screaming, cussing Drill Sergeant who regularly stands in front of a few hundred privates and shouts like he's the Grand High Poo-Bah of All Shit was having a panic attack over his My Little Pony fan fictions. Well, here's the even sadder truth: I take more pride in, and place more importance on, my MLP achievements than almost anything I've done in the military. See, and this is not me being hard on myself, just me being honest, I'm... well, I'm a competent soldier. I know how to lead troops, get results, "Influence people by providing purpose, direction, and motivation, while working to accomplish the mission and improve the organization" as they say in that big Army book I should probably read more often.
But, I'm not a stellar soldier. I'm not some uber-mensch who is gonna be a Command Sergeant Major some day, and the reason for that is simple: I don't really care. The Army is a job for me. Do I enjoy it? Eh, kinda. I like the regularity, the routine of it all, and it's a damn smart move for my life, so I don;t regret my decision to stay in for 20 years. But... it's not something that really, I don't know, motivates me? Speaks to me? The truth is I'm just a lazy bastard, and I've spent the last 10 years of my life fooling people into thinking I know what I'm doing. I've been in the right place at the right time and said the right things to get to my level. I am confident that I'll make E-7 next year, but I probably won't make E-8 before I get out.
Pony, on the other hand...
I busted my ass working on Under A Luminous Sky. I worked for months and months to get it polished. I worked hard, studied the craft, begged and pleaded to anyone and everyone who knew more than me to teach me things. The reason for this is simply that I felt it was a way to get some recognition, gain some respect. I saw guys getting accolades, pats on the back, and general praise for writing, and I said to myself, "Hey, I bet I could do that!"
And I did. I earned every single upvote, every comment and fave, and I could not be more proud of that. And then, it got even better when FOB Equestria asked me to do some fan fiction reviews. Now, I can be a snarky jerk like I love to pretend to be, and entertain people by writing reviews.
And then, it got even better! FOB Equestria went to The Con of Which We Do Not Speak(LPU) and I got to interview people! I got to sit down with "celebrities" at least in the small run, and play around, ask questions, joke around while getting at a story.
And then, it got even better! I got to host panels at Bronycon! I performed live improv in front of nearly a thousand people, livestreamed on the internet! I fucking signed autographs, y'all! All because I decided to try my hand at writing fiction!
So, yes, I take this shit probably a bit too seriously, and I feel some pressure to keep it up. I've emailed people at both BABSCon and Bronycon about possibly hosting some panels or doing some kind of moderation. They haven't emailed me back. So, again because I feel like I gotta strike while the iron's hot, I fall back to writing. I think any author can attest that pressure to perform ain't exactly conducive to creative writing. And I end up with nothing to show for it. I nearly feel physical pain when I try to write because shit gets jumbled in my head, or I draw a blank, or... pretty much any type of writer's block you can think of.
"Strike while the iron's hot." Funny choice of words, kinda. Why do I think like this? Well, like I said, I like things how they are now... and this shit is fleeting, guys. Again, I like the Army for it's stability. I am terrified of change. Thinking about five years from now when the show is but a memory, I... I don;t kow what to do. Tides change, people vanish. My dear friend Guesswork. He wrote one of my still favorite fics, Daylight Burning. I can honestly say that he is the only one who can rival Golden Vision when it comes to how much they helped with the writing of Luminous Sky. If it weren't for him, Luminous Sky wouldn't be half the story he is. The guy spent so much time just chatting with me, shooting the shit. He was a dear friend.
Then one day, he just... vanished. No blog, no notes, no "On Hiatus" or "Cancelled" marks on his stories. He just stopped responding to my emails. And the sad part is, I still see this happening. Another good friend of mine, I can't help with the feeling that he's becoming more and more disinterested with the show and the fandom. I think he only reads like one or two stories anymore, or at least only a very few authors he follows. One day, will he vanish? Will I lose another friend?
And what about me? No one talks about Guesswork anymore. No one misses him, because he stopped writing. So, it naturally forms in my head that if I don't produce, people will forget about me. Guys, I live on praise. Maybe I wasn't hugged enough as a kid, maybe I'm still that scrawny, cigarette-smoking teenager desperate for attention, I don't know. But the fact is that this fandom has given me what I needed: an audience. People to entertain, to make laugh, to engage on some level. There is nothing I love more in this world than being on a stage, be it real or on the internet, and engaging people. And now that the con people seem to no longer give a shit about me...
Then there is a whole ass-load of personal issues, things that are constantly trying to drag me down. I think last night was the first night in a few weeks that I didn't go to sleep in the grips of some deep depression over something. I care more about fictional ponies than I do my own career and real life. How fucking pathetic is that? In so many ways, I am that stereotypical neckbeard people talk about. I skate through work, only wanting to go home and read pony. I can't be creative like this.
So, yeah. What is the point of all this? Long story short(too late), I need to step back. I still can't shake that fear that people are gonna start to forget me, but if I'm at a point where I'm having panic attacks at work over my horse words, I need to take a break. So, I'm putting both my active stories on hiatus. I'm not even going to try and write for a little while. Maybe a week? Maybe a month? I don't know. The few collab projects I was a part of, I'm backing out. Rainbow Bob, Abyss, you'll have to write those clopfics on your own. Also the MacDash Wedding project with Captain Unstoppable. God, please know I'm sorry, but at this point, I'm just dragging the entire project to a grinding halt with my inability to put words to paper.
But! I am not vanishing. I will be keeping busy. For starters, I'm gonna go back and tighten up a few loose ends on Luminous Sky. Nothing major, just a few things that people have pointed out as being faulty and I now feel the need to fix. No major plot changes, the story will still unfold as it always has, but some details wil change. Part of this is I'm finally going to break chapter 14 into two chapters, instead of it being a 14K monstrosity. On that, does anyone know if there's a way to insert a new chapter? I'd prefer to keep the comments intact. So, in a few days you may get an email that UALS has updated. Don't get excited.
I'm still gonna blog occasionally, and I'll still be active in the comments and on Skype. I'm still here, dammit. I just need to get my shit straight. When will we expect updates to my stories? I don't know. How long will it take to sort out my fuckered up brain?
As always and forever, I fucking love you all. Stay safe, stay free, and stay metal! Jake The Army Guy out!
We met at Brony Con. I was wearing a green vest. We sat on some chairs by the wall on the main floor and talked for a while.
I liked meeting you, and I'm not going to forget you if you stop writing.
I could never in all my life forget anyone quite like you, Jake. I support you in whatever you need to do, my friend.
Staying metal and mental all the time! Take your time, but remember Jake, MacDash owns your soul...
Keep on rocking.
We'll all be here, Jake, so take your time and do what you need to do to get yourself right. You'd better keep commenting on Austraeoh, though. How am I gonna get my level of personal fitness up without following your torturous instructions every chapter?
In all seriousness, though, please do whatever it takes to recover and rest, even if it means I have to just do 50 situps a day until you get back. We'll carry on, but I know I'll be watching for your triumphant return blog. You're a great writer who earned every scrap of respect you have, and you're a bit of an icon to me and many others who struggle to achieve recognition.
So best of luck, Jake. We'll see you soon.
Deep breaths now... Keep it calm.
That is life, gotta get used to it. But people you have affected? They will always remember you.
Hey man, I know exactly what you mean. In all honesty, I'm going to be doing the same thing you are: taking a break. I've been having some personal stuff going on myself, and feeling the pressure to write on top of that is just... It's overwhelming. I'm feeling like a few weeks to a month of freedom will do wonders for my creativity; hopefully it will for yours as well.
Take as much time as you need, Jake. Maybe we'll meet at the same time.
Stay awesome, my friend.
Do whatever you feel is needed, Jake. Even the best of us in the fandom need to walk away for awhile to recharge ourselves. So please, use a much time as you need, we'll all be here when you come back, Eh?
Keep being amazing, buddy b'y!
- Mr. Lynch
Can't say for the rest, but I'll stick around.
Take some time... We're not going anywhere.
~Skeeter The Lurker
Nah man, you're straight. I like your stories. I like what you do amongst the brony community. Most of all, I like you as a person. I appreciate that there are people like you who care about this whole thing we have going on here. I am proud to be a brony because of people like you, and I'm proud to have you as a part of our team. I wish I had the balls to stand up and tell everyone I know that I love My Little Pony. I wish I had the guts to tell them I'm a major ponefag and they can all fuck off if they don't like it. Truth is, I don't. I can't tell my martial arts instructor. I can't tell my training partners. I can't tell my co-workers. Hell, I can't even tell my brother (who is a U.S. Marine, btw) and he's the one person I trust most in this world. I'm too scared. In fact, that's the only thing I fear, really. I'm afraid to be a social outcast, I'm afraid to be different, I'm afraid to be... me. I can handle being shot at, beaten, broken and abused. But, when it comes to the opinion of people I actually care about, it gets to me. I dunno why, but it does.
That's a major part of why I got into ponies in the first place. A bit of dumb happiness in my life, some stupid little thing that sheds just a little bit of light on my darkest days. I wanted to know more about this mysterious brony community. I searched, read, watched, listened, and along the way, I met so many awesome people, some of which are among my best of friends. I don't care if there is never another episode of MLP, I'll still have the memories of all the people that I met along the way and all the amazing things I got to experience. Hell, Bronycon was one of the greatest times of my life. I drove all the way from the middle of Alabama and spent hundreds of dollars to be a part of the mecca of MLP fans across the nation, and I have absolutely no regrets. In fact, I can't wait for Bronycon 2014, hopefully we'll get to drink some beers together somewhere along the way. Last year, I got to meet you, and some of the other FOB guys. It was great! I love you guys, and I'm hella proud to have members of the US military get up and be awesome in front of thousands of pone people. I understand that it feels like it's all slipping away, and hell, in reality it kind of is.
But, there are still people clinging to this little slice of animated happiness, and we still love you. I don't even care that you never got back to me on Wonderbolt Academy, (you bastard) I'm sure you have much more important things to do. If you ever need anything, or just wanna talk with a potentially like-minded individual, shoot me a PM. Hell I'd be honored. Either way, I'll be around, regardless of what happens here. MLP could go up in flames and I'd still be more than happy to talk pone with any remaining survivors that might join me around the smoldering ashes of our once beloved equines. Cheer up mate, and try not to freak out on us. We're still here for you... Well, I am, at least. That's gotta count for something, right? Right. Now, go be awesome. I'll wait to finish my shitty, second-rate Wonderbolt story until you manage to find a way to unfuck yourself. No pressure.
Good luck with your vacation, so to speak. You'll come back refreshed, you'll see!
I understand where you're coming from, I've been there too.
I know what it's like to put your heart and soul into a project, you want it to succeed and you want it to be recognized. If there's one thing I've learned about recognition though, it's that you can't become too attached to it.
Popularity comes and goes with the day, but what you create stays with you forever. Under a Luminous Sky was one of the first stories I read here and I still glance it over from time-to-time. I love the story, as do quite a few other people, and you should feel proud about it. That however, isn't what should motivate you keep writing. If you enjoy writing then you should simply write because you love to do it. Don't get me wrong, I know what it feels like to have an audience that you want to impress, and I'm all too familiar with that desire to be recognized, but sometimes you've just gotta drown all that out and focus on what makes writing enjoyable. Getting attention and gaining popularity is exciting, and it is something to feel proud of, but if it's the only reason you write, well... in all honesty, you're doing it for the wrong reasons.
So take a break, rest, and get some time to think. Come back when you feel like you're ready, but when you do, keep in mind that your success as writer is not measured by the amount of people who like your work, but by how much fun you had doing it.
Huh, I just noticed in that AJ gif that her hair is growing to its pony length as she plays. Interesting.
I miss Guesswork!
But anyway, do what you gotta do. I wonder if the 14k chapter will be split up by the time I get to it.
Years from now, someone might mention 'Jake the Army Guy' and I'll think 'I remember him...'
But it will be a "person on the internet" level of remembrance. Awhile back I had the same feeling about all of this. With me not writing or doing anything of note, this of course terrified me. My longtime friend through school left, and all my 'lesser' friends I'd already cut ties with because I deleted my facebook account.
Then miracle of miracles, pony delivered again. I joined the League of Legends Bronies chat room under the name Admiral Sparkle for the first time. Not 5 minutes in one, Comrade Sparkle sends a message expressing his soviet levels of surprise at seeing another Sparkle. Sure, being a pony chat room it wasn't all that surprising, but still. A few games later and I join him on a Mumble server. Still talk to the guy, and I think I'll talk to him for a long time for one reason: we have more than pony in common.
Too much typing... Onward.
Comrade, as well as my other 2 main online compatriots Dagger Tongue, and Kobalstromo, have all found stuff to do outside of pony. We still enjoy pony together of course, but when it goes down (gracefully I hope) we'll still talk to each other.
Because reminiscing about your golden days of watching a little girl's cartoon alone would suck.
Tl;Dr - Most of us will know you as another guy online. Hopefully you've taken the time to connect with people outside of the pony aspect. If not, it's not too late! Make a blog post asking if anyone does the same things you do in your spare time (not sure exactly how much free time a drill sergeant has). Sure, it might seem like a silly blog post to make, but so are reviews on Equestria Girls! Everyone that's butthurt isn't gonna bother to read it, amirite?
FUCK EVEN THE TLDR WAS LONG FUCK I'm going to bed...
Glad you're not quitting on forever, and you can expect me to wait with bated breath for when you decide to spit some words out again.
It might not be much, coming from someone who only joined the fandom a few months ago and who got a fimfiction account not that long ago, but I understand. I like writing as well, though all my stories so far are non-pony, but I've come to the conclusion that if you write just cuz feel you have to write, you'll end up with... well something that could've been better. My advice: just take your time. It'll come eventually. There's no need for pressure.
As for your fear of being forgotten: yeah, I hear you, I feel like a lot of people who I've called close friends in the past slipping away. I've felt that fear as well. But that doesn't mean you have to hold on to it. Why? Because in the end, someone will always care. You might not expect it, but it'll come
Well I'll end this with saying: if you'd be next to me right now, I'd give you a hug
I got asked to host a panel at babscon too! Although I doubt I'll have the leave for it. I'm in the hole with leave as it is. Stupid HBL. Anyway, good luck bud. Publish or perish, as they say!
Except that it's a show that demonstrated that "being a children's cartoon show" and "being for little girls" didn't have to be synonymous with "being terrible". MLP has broken away from that, entirely for the corporatist reasons you mention above. Giving in and going "oh, well, that's just the way things go, what can you expect?" is, well, giving in. It's a betrayal of the original vision for the show and everything it stands for. Expect the worst and you'll get it.
Though ultimately I can't get too steamed. It's going to be another shitty movie, quite likely shittier than the first, and it's going to have zero impact on anything important. Which then begs the question "why is it even being made?" but I'm not in charge of those decisions it would seem. :|
Thank you. So many people forget this and throw bitch fits when a corporation tries to make money. It's nice to see that you understand the nature of this a little better. I won't see it in theaters but I'll be pirating the movie at some point, because much like you I tend to enjoy MLP even when it's kind of bad.
On more serious topics, hope you feel better after a bit (or now, if you see this after your break). For what it's worth I suspect the fandom may have a strong lifespan. I thought we were screwed after seasons two and three ended, but I've been wrong twice and if I'm not mistaken season five is already confirmed. The show will likely live on for quite a while, since it's been quite profitable and as you yourself said, Hasbro wants the D(ollars). Liking ponies has become less weird than it was, so I wouldn't be surprised if the fandom continues at least as long as the show.
That said, I would respectfully suggest trying to meet people offline. I don't deal well with change either, but getting out and meeting people was one I'm glad I endured. If card or board games appeal to you at all, maybe try one that has any kind of scheduled events near your home (I started socializing by taking up Magic: The Gathering, almost all my current friends are people I met at Friday Night Magic). It seems like your problem is that you don't get out much, so maybe what worked for me can work for you.
For what it's worth, even if I forget the name "JaketheArmyGuy," I doubt I'll forget the sight of you threatening to "tear [Lightning Dust's] Luna-damned throat out and make sweet sweet love to the hole". I'll also remember the scene that closes out chapter 14 of UALS, because it's really rare to see the power of love done well in a story.
I doubt I'll be forgetting the time I met you at Bronycon 2013. My heart stopped for a second there.
Glad you are taking a step back. You have to put real life before horsewords. If you get back into it, then great. If not, then that's fine too. It's like any other hobby. If it's taking over your life then it's gone the wrong way.
I for one have enjoyed your help, feedback, and chit-chat. So you don't have to worry about being forgotten even if I've not met you in the flesh.
We've all been there, Jake. You're hardly alone.
It's good that you're thinking about the future, though. Have you thought about writing your own book? You're talented enough for that. Or maybe if you just enjoy entertaining from a stage, why not look for theatre work? That could be a nice next step.
But back on track, take as much time off from bronydom as you need. We'll be here to welcome you back.
I think the thing you need to realize is what makes you happy, is what makes you happy.
You clearly don't give a shit what others around you think about your love of the show, the fandom, and that you write incredible, funny, dark, and well told stories. Which you do. I constantly point to you when I need to point to an incredible OC character builder and the best post show construction of the mane cast. You are constantly on my lips when I recommend fan fiction, and always will be. I'm glad to have found you.
The fact of the matter is is that does it matter that the military doesn't make you feel like Mr. Rogers or skip around like Twilight singing "Morning in Ponyville?" I'd be scared if you did. I'm not in the forces, so please, this is just from going to college with people who were/are, but I'd say half of them signed up for the paycheck and the benefits. You don't need to Sam Fisher it. You're too awesome for that.
And are you kidding me? You aren't lazy, otherwise you would not be where you are. Insert rest of the people you are talking to here. We are lazy. Hush, colt. My gay lisp demands it.
Under is a beautiful piece. It was me thinking to myself over the last three months why I want to leave - a paling - legacy with Ethanol, Elements, and Estrogen. It was shite. And so I've spent two hundred hours rebuilding it from the ground up. Because I like fame too. I write for the laughs and for the attention and to leave a legacy as much as I deserve it. I enjoy the praise and get high from it, and I'm getting high at the thought of my redone story getting comments and bookmarks and being talked about again too. It's human. As much as we might hate it and our pride might love it and hate it. Honest attention is nice. Very nice.
I got endless praise from my mother which I did not deserve and endless competence degrading from my father, so for the first time in my life I've done something on a scale that people like. It's part of the reason I do this. To do something with my life. You already have. You've served, worked, done, and touched far more people than I ever will, and it brings tears to my eyes that you think so lowly of yourself. Don't do that... it hurts us. It hurts us to think you think of yourself so poorly when you have come so far.
And what hurts me even more is that me, a person in which writer's block and stress is impossible is crippled by writer's fear. I would give up so much of myself and give it to you so you could feel better about yourself. So you wouldn't have to worry about yourself and your writing excellence, which it is, damn it.
The fandom will never completely die or shrink. There is too much writing in the creative fields for it to just puff away. Too many novel length stories like no fanfiction in the history of fanfictions. Writers will come and go, but some of us will stay forever, for the show - and you - have touched us far too much to leave. It is a part of my soul now, and to leave people like you, and all of the people out there who enjoy our work behind is just cruel. I can't do that.
Who cares about the con people, when you have all of the commenters on this post backing me up. I know the feeling of having an audience, show, and group of people to vent, talk, and create. It's why I am here to. Maybe you are having a conflict between not writing something, your life and 'fake' life of ponies - which is far better than watching seven hours of car shows a day my father does - and military stress.
If you leave, you will be missed. Damn that you are known as a clop editor. You are known as a kick ass person, funny, in charge, and the force of AMAREICA AND APPLEJACK FUCK YEAH in this fandom. If you leave or burn out on the show, that is your choice, and no one here can force you to stay, but if you think for a second that I will ever forget you in my entire life you are poorly mistaken. You have touched lives far more than you think. We will not leave you, even if you leave us.
We love you. Always.
Metal forever, bro.
Panic attack. I've had those. Nothing minor either. Full blown panic attacks.
Those are not nice.
I'm glad you're taking a break. If you really think you're better at this than your actually job, you should take the time to be good at what you actually do before you come back to this and stuff. Or maybe it's a sign you should actually be a writer or something. I don't know. I know how you feel though. Even though my story "Snowy Night" was just a blip compared to Luminous Sky, I felt very proud of myself that I accomplished even that and did feel a bit deflated when the favorites and comments started just to trickle in.
And did make a few sorry attempts to recoup that feeling of validation that didn't work out so well. But it didn't take me that long to get back to the normalcy of not getting that much attention. If you're a lazy bastard, than I'm a lazier bastard, and I grew content on having written a story that touched the hearts of a handful of people. And I don't feel I need to expect more from myself. (Actually, I think I'm content that just Bad_Seed_72 liked it enough to put it on her homepage.) I still do blog a lot though. Reviewing episodes each week gives me a convenient excuse to do so. Anyway, I don't think anyone is going to forget about you. It's on Equestria Daily and in the Pony Vault or something, right. And even if by some chance it is forgotten by most, I won't. Every chance I get, I always tell everyone that Under a Luminous Sky is one of the best stories here. I guess keep up the good work then, and I hope you're able to straighten everything out. 
Pretty much anything and everything I could say has already been said here, good sir, so I will simply wish you the best in all things. Good luck to you and take all the time you need!
*simply hugs and doesn't let go*
I think he'll stick around. At the very least, he'll hang around in chat.
I dunno about that one. I can list off a bunch of authors on this site that I miss. I also don't talk about them. Correlation is not causation.
Mr. The Army Guy, if you want to avoid people just dropping off the face of the planet on you, ask for some non-FiM-related means of contact. Skype, an IM service, Steam name, email address. It's not guarantee you'll feel like talking after your/their interest in the show peters out, but it means you'll be ABLE to.
You are far too awesome to forget. I might not talk about authors I like (or people...not much for conversation really), but I certainly don't wander off and forget them. It certainly appears I'm not the only one either.
No, I didn't like the first one, I have no hopes for the second one.
Bad ass Jake, you get your shit straight.
Life is life, Jake. Sometimes even the best of us just need a quick breather to help get our bearings back in order. You've got nothing to be ashamed of, and I wish you nothing but the best in however you choose to do things.
Well I'm glad there's someone else out there who's looking forward to the next Equestrian Girls. It might not be my ponies...but it's the same characters, same voice actors, same writers, and all around same team.
And I won't forget. Your work won't necessarily be on the forefront of my mind, but I won't forget. You've introduced me to a number of stories that I love, heck some of my all time favorites. You've helped inspire my own work, and you're a good guy. Heck, whenever I see a guy wearing a Pinkie Pie plushie on their shoulder I wonder if it's you.
You take the time you need to figure out what you want/need from life. I'll be here when you get back. I won't forget.