Ten Reasons Why I'm A Geek, and Not A Nerd!

Before I begin, I'd like to say that some of you reading this may find the content disturbing, offensive, and you WILL disagree on some, most, or all of my opinions herein. Some of you probably think you know the difference between a geek and a nerd, and that's fine; I'm not looking to change your opinion. And for the sake of this post, I'm going to ignore that many of the same character traits can be shared between both, geek and nerd, and nerd and geek.

Here we go. In no particular order!

1. "Knowledge... what knowledge?"

The difference between me and my nerd friends, is that they can regale me for hours about the different compositional elements of the various moons of Jupiter, and I couldn't give a crap. I spent my time studying the history of film, aspect ratios that are used in widescreen photography, and pretty much anything to do with replicating the surface of the planet Hoth in my freezer.

2. "Somebody Get This Man A Tee-shirt!"

My nerd friends while in the know of certain shows, pop cultures and what-not, generally do not have the balls to stock up on hard to find tee-shirts to show off their love of said media. The bronies are excluded, and don't count, since their apparel usually consists of ponies, and debatable statements like, "X = Best pony!"

My most recent tee-shirt acquisition was this:

3. "Adoption Guaranteed."

I was one of the first people to line up for the new Kindle Fire when it was announced; I started my smartphone collection with the original crappy purple Blackberry, and I proudly sported a HP Mini netbook around with me for the longest time, until I upgraded to a bigger laptop. For me, keeping current on the trending merch, tech and hotness is a key factor in my popularity (within reason). That's not to say that I'm going to geek-out on Twilight (the franchise, NOT the fucking pony!). Even geek's have their limitations.

Many of my nerd friends, do not embrace this new age of tech. They view it as either a bother, because (a. they now need to re-buy all their movies again, or (b. they are simply comfortable and satisfied with their old piece of shit laptop that was donated to them from their older hip geek brother for five dollars when he upgraded to Windows 8.

4. It's called style!"

I realized that one of the things that I actually care about is my outward appearance. Sure, I sport strange interesting tee-shirts (Toph Bei Phong Metalbending Academy) under my blazer, while wearing a torn denim cap, jeans and converse. But I still spend the time necessary to comb my hair, trim my finger nails, and use hair products. When my hair is actually long enough to style.

My nerd wife doesn't have these concerns. She keeps her hair straight, and doesn't concern herself with what shirt would make the loudest most obnoxious geekdom statement for the day. She's finished in the bathroom long before I've ever finished lacing up the Chuck Tailors. By the way, for those of you that are interested. I don't own a single My Little pony shirt.

5. "Geek Love, Is Forever!"

The difference between myself and a lot of my nerd friends, is that they are constant critics of what they supposedly love. By that I mean, that they are the quickest to shred their own nerd-dom, and aspects of it, rather than maintain a stance one way or the other. When Star Wars Episode 3 came out, and George Lucas took a huge diarrhea shit on the fans, the movies, and the pop culture... did we complain? Yes. But we didn't turn our backs on the fandom. Nerds will get their pussies bent out of shape, and have a fit, and stomp off pouting, whereas geeks do it longer.

6. "The Law of the Golden Mean."

By my last count, I owned close to 10,000 books, in both physical and digital format, 800 live action DVDs, and more than 1,000 anime DVDs. Is this enough?

Never!

For the nerd, the rule of math is complex and long winded, and boring. For the geek, it's a matter of own to unowned ratios. Nerds may own a lot of merch, but they aren't true collectors. For the geek, there is no greater formula than the Law of the Golden Mean:

• Any thing that can be purchased, achieved or obtained that consists of a discrete number of individual parts, issues, episodes, or location; such as issues of a comic book, trading cards in a set, or action figures in a line is subject to the Law of the Golden Mean.
• Any geek in possession of more than 61.8% of the individual items in such a series must, if at all possible, either proceed to acquire each of the remaining items so as to complete the set, or sell one or more items on eBay until the geek again owns less than 61.8% of the total series.
• If the items owned make up a complete set of a more specific series, the law is satisfied.

7. "Less Rude = More Friends That Like You."

I was chatting with some nerd friends of mine, and something that I said was incorrect. Faster than a game show contestant on Jeopardy, one of them burst out with a correction for me; offering me a small lesson on how to phonetically sound out my words, and to make sure that everyone there knew that I was wrong, and that they had graciously helped me. I no longer chat with that person.

Geeks, I've found aren't concerned with pronunciation, and whether you know the difference between "effect" and "affect." I do, because I fucking write for a living; but I don't go around being an asshole, YES... an (asshole) by correcting others. My wife used to do this, and I had to calmly remind her that I wasn't a child, and that as an adult, it was rude to correct me. I still talk to her.

8. "John Green is Not Jesus."

Geeks come in all religious backgrounds. We like being religious. It gives us depth, and all that cool shit. Probably because when we pick a fandom, we stick with it, and don't puss out. Almost all of my nerd friends are either non-believers, agnostics, or outright atheists. If they did have a unified savior and messianic leader, it would probably be John Green. I've listened to his hyperactive vlog... he's not the messiah. I've read Looking For Alaska. It's not the bible.

The best things the geeks have for a pseudo messiah is currently trending mega Hollywood director, J.J. Abrams. Meh... we could do worse.

9. "What The Fuck is Pr0n?"

Geeks and porn are no strangers to one another. In fact, some of the coolest and most sexy things in the world is a geek girl pin-up. And while there are those that enjoy some good role-play with Princess Leia (in the bedroom, and not in a shitty forum RPG thread), we unlike my nerd counterparts don't stink bomb the fuck out of it by making it creepy.

Incest, underage, furry, gangbang, cum-inflation, death... nope. I'm not seeing it as a turn on.

It could have something to do with the fact that as an adult (married) geek I get to experience real vagina whenever I want. So then I actually know how many times a guy can come, and just why rivers of vagina drool is as stupid as cum-inflation, and why a horses pussy is actually kind of gross. No offense... but if a nerd saw real vag up close, and not some 2D drawing on Gelbooru, then they'd be like blind men that just had Jesus cure their sight. Real geeks look at porn. Nerds look at Pron!

10.

There is no number ten.

Now to wait for the nerd rage.

Post Script:

In all actuality, there are real similarities between geeks and nerds. no one side is better than the other, and as long as we all can get along, be cool, and respect one another; life is good. If this wasn't the case, then how could I actually be married to a nerd?

To me, it's all yin yang. Wear an ironic tee-shirt, or don't. Trend or don't. Coolness is in the eye of the beholder.

Comments

Greatest blog post ever...of all time!

[RBDash47]

I've never understood the difference or why anybody would care, and use the terms interchangeably...