A Hands Christmas to All... · 6:16pm Dec 25th, 2013
- - - - - -
Given that the planet Equestria was on had similar climate to Earth, it was little surprise they had a holiday that was a close analog to Yuletime. Winter festival and all, to restore hope for the coming spring. That it tied into their national origin story was interesting: It would be like celebrating the Fourth of July at the same time that the Continental Army was in Valley Forge. Where hardship forged the foundation of a nation, and a species. So throw in Christmas there too.
"Christmas?" Asked Pinkie Pie, looking over my shoulder as I wrote in my journal after the conclusion of the Hearth's Warming Eve pageant, "what's Christmas?"
"You really have to look over my shoulder like that?" I asked flatly. Pinkie Pie smiled.
"Well, you're being so quiet and studious and writey-writey I had to know what it was about!" She said cheerfully. "And I saw 'Christmas' and I wanted to know what it is! And given you wrote it's like our Hearth's Warming Eve-"
"I didn't write that," I interrupted, but Pinkie plowed on regardless.
"-I wanted to know what it was about!" She sat there on her haunches, smiling brightly. I shook my head, having the distinct impression I'd just been Sherlock-scanned. By Pinkie Pie, of all ponies.
"Christmas? What's that?" Asked Rarity, as she put away her costume in a neatly packed box.
"Yes, what is it?" Applejack asked, trotting over. Fluttershy and Dash floated by, a few decorations between their hooves.
"What's this talk about Mas or Chris?" Dash supplied.
"Is everything all right? Andrew, are you okay?" Twilight asked as she trotted up from speaking with Princess Celestia off-stage. I sighed and rubbed my forehead.
"Christmas is my species' version of Hearth's Warming Eve, but very, very different," I said.
Twilight's eyes lit up at the thought of learning something new. "Oh? How different?" She asked. "Please, tell me!"
"It involves a long story," I warned, quite foolishing. You'd think I'd have learned by now, a long story is only encouragement to Twilight. Fluttershy smiled as well, and nudged my shoulder affectionately.
"It's all right, Andrew... Please, tell us?"
"The train won't get here for two more hours, anyway," Applejack pointed out. Dash shivered.
"And I'm not going out there! I might as well be warm and bored than cold and bored!"
"You're not going to be bored," I said defensively. Dash smirked at me in challenge.
"Prove me wrong!"
I sighed, and sat back on a crate. "All right, all right... Gather 'round. I'll tell you the story. Christmas is the celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ-"
"Your Messiah figure," Twilight remembered.
"And your God who is one but sometimes three and who you also nailed to a tree to kill him so he could kill Death!" Pinkie recited cheerfully. Much staring at her ensued, and she blushed. "What? I pay attention sometimes!"
"You killed your own God?" Rarity asked in disbelief. I raised my hands.
"Hang on, hang on! There's context, all right?" I said. "Just let me tell the story?"
The mares quieted down. I took a deep breath, and thought back to my father and mother reading out of the family Bible to me and my brother every Christmas Eve.
"All right. In the land of Israel, in the city of Galilee, an Angel of the Lord came to a virgin woman named Mary, who was engaged to be married to a man named Joseph, a carpenter of the house of David."
"What's so important about the house of David?" Asked Dash skeptically.
"David was the greatest king of Israel," I said, "and his house is intimately associated with the Jews, who are God's chosen people."
"God's chosen people? So they rule over your world?" Rarity asked, interested. I allowed myself a wry smile.
"Some people think they do, but if so they're doing a poor job on the PR front. But no, the Jews were chosen by God to be His chosen people, and they settled in a place they called Israel. Now Mary was told by the angel that she would conceive and bear a son, and it would be the son of God. And he would name him Jesus."
"But... But she's a virgin," Fluttershy pointed out. "How would she...?"
"Well, there are several spells that allow for that to occur," Twilight spoke, as she got looks from the others. "It's very, very powerful magic though. You'd have to be on Princess Celestia's level to even attempt it!"
"Ah, okay," Fluttershy said with a nod. "Virgin birth, all right..."
I laughed a bit. "Yes... Anyway, Mary was afraid, but she accepted this. And soon it was learned she was pregnant. Her fiance, Joseph, had not had relations with her. And the shame this would bring on his family would be severe, so he intended to just quietly divorce Mary to spare her the shame as he was a good man. But an Angel came to him, too, and told him to not be afraid to take Mary as his wife. That the child she was carrying was God's."
"Bet that torqued him off," Dash commented flatly. "Having to raise God's son and all."
"Love can do many things, Dash!" Rarity said with a bright smile. "Oh, this has romance! I love it!"
"Ah, well... Yeah, I guess it does," I said. "Anyway, Joseph married Mary. And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Caesar Augustus that all the world should be taxed-"
"Who's Caesar Augustus? I thought we were hearing about Jesus," Dash interrupted.
"At the time, Israel was a province ruled by the Roman Empire," I said, "and it was ruled by an emperor named Augustus. He wanted to conduct a census and learn just how big his empire was so he'd know how much to tax it. And because of this, everybody had to go to the place they were born in and be counted."
"Ah, census taking," Twilight nodded. "How often did the Romans do this?"
I shrugged. "I'm not really sure-"
"Because it would be interesting if this idea started at just the right time," Twilight said. "Like God planned for that."
"Boring! Who cares about censuses and taxes!" Dash snorted. "Just keep going!"
Twilight scowled, but I quickly resumed to prevent an argument. "Anyway, Joseph and Mary set out for Bethlehem, the city Joseph was born in. She was heavily pregnant and so it was a long, difficult journey. But when they made it there, they were told there was no more room in the inn."
"But I thought Joseph was born there," Applejack said. "Why didn't they stay with family?"
"Apparently they were full up too," was my response. "Not a single place was open. So they had to stay in the stable with the animals."
Applejack frowned. "Good stable? Bad stable?"
"I'm guessing it wasn't a very good one," I said. I held up my hands quickly. "Not because of the animals! But uh..."
"No no, that's fine Andrew," Rarity said, patting my hand with her hoof. "After all, they aren't as refined as on our planet."
"Blah blah blah, it sucked," Dash snorted. "Move on!"
"Right," I said. "Anyway, Mary soon gave birth to her child. A boy, whom she named Jesus. And she wrapped him in swaddling cloths and laid him in a manger."
"A food trough? For a baby? Ooh! Was it filled with anything good? Tasty?" Pinkie asked cheerfully. "Like oats? Or raisins? Or-MMPH!"
"Thank you Fluttershy," I said with a smile. "Anyway, in the nearby fields there were shepherds watching over their flocks. And an Angel appeared over them, and they were sore afraid. But the Angel told them it was fine. That this was a glorious day, that their Messiah had been born. That they would find him in Bethlehem, an infant in a manger wrapped in swaddling cloths." I held my hands up and smiled. "The whole sky was filled with angels then, singing Glory, glory to God in the Highest. And they they vanished."
"Didn't everyone else see it?" Twilight pointed out. "I mean, that kind of thing must have been seen by everypony in range!"
"Maybe, but nobody else knew what it was," I said. "I think... Anyway, they headed off to Bethlehem to see this thing, and saw Jesus just as the angels said. And so they headed off praising God and proclaiming what they'd seen. And Mary kept all these things in her heart, and pondered them..."
There was silence. Dash snorted.
"Really? That's all? Boring story."
"I rather liked it," Rarity said. "Very hopeful start, though you later killing your god-"
"It was his plan!" Twilight said brightly. "Knowing that your creation will kill you in order to save them! That's brilliant! It's the kind of thing Princess Celestia might do, if we were that violent!"
At the looks of everypony else, Twilight shrugged. "Well... It is."
"Well, I enjoyed the story," Fluttershy said with a smile, and a kiss to my cheek. "I just... I hope this has been a happy Christmas and Hearth's Warming Eve."
I smiled back. "You know? It is..."
- - - - - - -
Actually, the bible never, ever mentions this. The "virgin" thing is a middle ages fabrication. The Angel basically just told her she was preggers
In fact... been a while since I read that, but I believe there was some passage in the beginning saying she "went with Joseph" (and that's before it could refer to the whole "going to Bethlehem" part), which might be a euphemism for saying "he's her boyfriend, they did stuff together".
the way he explains it makes us humans sound like horrible monsters, now that I think about it.
1646642
We aren't? I mean, historically seen... yeah, we're pretty much monsters
1646645
more then once we have faught, but that was to protect ourselves.
if their still interested he should tell them the life of Brian
1646645 If humans weren't bastards, Jesus wouldn't have needed to come now would he?
1646618 Yeah... The virgin thing is a wrong translation from a faulty Greek version of the Bible. It originally said "young women", but the Church kept the change to get people to convert to Christianity. I actually find the New Testament more interesting and rewarding if Jesus was an ordinary man who found the spirit of God and worked miracles. Not trying to spark a theological argument so, if you believe different, it's fine.
1646793 Pretty spot-on, yea
1646697 The Crusades was to protect ourselves?
1646820 No arguments please, this is Christmas for God's sake. Let's just be happy that we live in a world with beautiful sentiment of "Peace on Earth. Good will to all men. And women."
1646793 Jesus did not come because humans are bastards. He came because God and the serpent tricked Adam, Eve and there offspring into eternal damnation.
1646820
I have no idea what that is yet. Some of our fights are bad.
1646823 I agree with that sentiment wholly. Sorry if I came off too argumentative.
Merry Christmas, Happy Yuletide, and peace unto you all!
Merry Christmas to you too.
Well that was an adorable retelling. MERRY CHRISTMAS!
1646793 Problem is; some of us still are.
1646618
That's only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to problems with the nativity story. There's a rather thorough analysis of the topic here, and be sure to check the comments for additional tidbits. TL;DR: A Christmas Story has rather more of a basis in fact than the nativity story.
Lovely little story, sir. Thank you much for it. Although now I wonder just what the ponies would think if "Andrew" ever told them about the Passion and the Cross.
Merry Christmas, bud, and may God bless you.
1647126 Not sure what bible thumper's been downvoting our posts, but that was a very interesting article
Haha, well that was a cute little way to retell the story. Well done and thanks fer writing it, Ah enjoyed giving it quick read.
A wonderful retelling. Merry Christmas!
I find it hilarious that Fluttershy is the one to shove a hoof into Pinkie's mouth to shut her up.
1646642 you're implying that they're not?
But the Three Wise Men weren't in it...
1649189
not all of us are evil
What happened to the three wise men? Or have they been discounted by analysis that took place since I last heard this tale?