How Cambodia Made Me Hate Ponies · 12:42pm May 4th, 2012
Mares and stallions, fillies and gentlecolts...I'm back. It's been a long journey, a trying time, but I've finally returned from my trip to Cambodia. Not only am I physically exhausted, but I'm also emotionally and morally drained. And so, to prove I haven't been gaffing about for the past week, allow me to recount my tale. I'll be upfront with you...it's going to be TL;DR, and contain very little pony. If you don't like that sort of thing, just scroll to the end. I'll have something adorable for you or something.
My school has had a long standing connection with a charity organization called Tabitha, which performs many programs for Cambodia as well as other countries. Through this group, myself and many other people went off to Cambodia, not only as tourists, but as men and women on a mission to help those in need. With that brief introduction, and skipping out on a lot of details, I'll simply cut into my experiences in this foreign country. So as to not make this too sad, let's start off with the fun things that happened. Engaging forced enthusiasm, YEAH!
First off, I wouldn't be me if I didn't start on the AMAZING food. I've eaten things I've never dreamed of eating for cheap prices, and I've had quite the varied diet in my lifetime. Topping the list is frog, some particular fruit whose name I can't remember, and some insanely delicious grilled chicken. Also, fried crickets are delicious. But not as delicious as spiders. They're a lot more tender. Onto the temples. I got to visit three of the major temples in Cambodia, the places in all them fancy Hollywood flicks. You know, the big buildings made out of stone slabs and whatnot, with the Buddha carvings everywhere. The massive and intricate stone structures are the most surreal things I've ever seen in my life. The cool air and the somber passages, dilapidated and overrun with growth and stained with history...breathtaking. Not only that, but I got to see these places at sunrise and sunset. Then there are the people. The people of Cambodia are friendly and open-hearted, but that doesn't mean they won't try to screw you over in the open markets. Bargaining skills are required to get goods at decent prices. That takes me to the PIO School, a charity run school where I got to interact and teach children from a deprived community and an orphanage, as well as play with them. I became a human jungle gym. No joke. I think I had at least 6 kids climbing on me at once.
Also, I think I can state with reasonable confidence that I am the first person to blast "Winter Wrap-Up" from a tuktuk through the streets of Phnom Pehn.
So...let's talk about the life changing stuff that leads to the inflammatory title. Cambodia is a nation that has experienced naught but strife in all these long years. Gripped by poverty and tormented by the haunting memory of the atrocities committed by the Khmer Rouge, the country and its people have been tried time after time. I visited S-21, a high school turned prison and torture center by the communist regime. I walked through the killing field of Cheung Ek, where the earth dips and curves with an elegance that masks the horrors of shallow tombs.
There are so many things I want to say about these places, but words could never do them justice, nor to the events that have transpired there. The depth of human misery and abomination is simply too much to describe. It made me step back and look at everything in a new light. Since I've gotten back to Singapore, everything looks different. The bustling highways, the trashy pop on the radio, the signs and the greenery. It's all so vibrant, so proud...so unfair. I'm a lucky soul. And if you're reading these words, odds are you are, too. We rarely sit back and appreciate what we have until we see what it would be like to have absolutely nothing instead. Stories, written by the lowest of beginners to the highest of professionals, songs, art, debates and discussions...and even ponies themselves: they all mean nothing. Absolutely nothing.
The world is vast, horrid, and cruel. But it's also beautiful and alive.
I met two men, two brittle, hunched men that are the only remaining survivors of S-21. What struck me the most was not their scars, not their nervous psychological ticks. It was their smiles as they told their horrific tales. They've lost children, wives, friends, neighbors, family, and dignity. But they never stopped smiling. Not once did that world-weary grin leave their tanned, creased faces. Those smiles made me cry. They made me go to a corner away from the group and cry.
Pinkie Pie, be not proud. Rainbow Dash, be not fierce. Applejack, be not strong.
These men and women are ten times the creatures you will ever be. Their bodies are thin but tense and thick as wood. Their souls are more proud and mighty than steel. Their hearts and smiles are more dazzling behind their decay and yellowing.
Equestria, you may burn and rot. You are nothing, and though many may want to be there...I'm happy here on Earth, thank you. For life has taught me to be myself, experience has taught me to be a man, but Cambodia has taught me how to be a human being.
My name is Chromosome, and I'm proud to be a human being.
Anyways, I cannot lie. Have some adorable Rainbow Dash. Tomorrow, we're gonna talk about Air. That's going to be...fun.
:v
A friend of mine from Egypt has a saying whenever he wants to opt out of a discussion or debate here at the college I attend.
"First World Problems"
...
I'm glad you have the perspective to see the bright spots in a corner of the world with such vastly different priorities. Pony on.
... I'm going to take a wild guess and assume you won't be writing a self-indulgent "Human in Equestria" fic anytime soon.
You do realize that it's another humans that made the fate of the ones you met so miserable?
You do realize that for every proud and mighty soul you met there is another one cruel and ruthless?
Profane question (brace yourself): knowing that, are you still proud to be a human being?
Surely 'hate' is too strong a word?
I've never quite gotten people who'd want to abandon Earth and go and live in Equestria. I mean, really seriously want to go and live there. It's one to imagine what it'd be like to go and visit and spend the day there or something (how awesome would that be?), but sometimes I get the sense that a silly little daydream such as that isn't enough for some people, and that they wouldn't think twice about giving up their humanity if they got the chance to actually become a pony. It reminds me of all those news reports back when Avatar was released, the ones about how people thought Pandora was so beautiful that some of them were even vaguely contemplating suicide in the hopes that they might be reincarnated as a Na'vi. It creeps the hell out of me.
Anyway, it sounds like you had an amazing trip. And it's good to get some perspective on things from time to time... Sometimes I think I have it bad (I've been unemployed for about five months now), but then every time I see a homeless person being completely ignored in the street, it always breaks my heart and reminds me that, actually, in most ways, I have it pretty bloody great right now, and I have absolutely zero right to ever complain about my life. Sometimes, I don't feel like I deserve the luck I have.
So you saw horror, and it makes you swear off joy?
That's sort of how movie villains get their start.
Nice to see you back mate!
And it`s true, one of the most despicable things I`ve ever seen is the ignorance of just how lucky some of us are...
I spent a good bit of time thinking how to respond to this. Everyone I have ever met who has witnessed true deprivation has had this same sort of reaction. It seems like the greatest injustice in the world that you, who have done nothing to deserve it have your wants seen to, while others die writhing in agony, with swollen empty bellies. But rejecting what makes you happy won't make the lots of others any better. As to better courses of action, all I can do is pass on my beliefs. Embrace what makes you happy and unleash that happiness on the world, it may be hard to change the world, but if each and every one of us decides that we want to make the world just a little better then that is a lot of change. All we can do, all anyone can do is keep fighting, hold on to that happiness and use it to make a better world. Don't reject the light becase there is so much darkness, embrace it and carry it into dark
places, so the next brave soul has a little less work to do.
P.S. I know this sounds sappy as hell, but its the only reason I didn't go insane when i had the same sort of experience.
one other thing, Stories can change the world. they are not worthless!
Well... that is certainly... interesting...
I think a lot of people will be having very interesting responses as well.
I think I might check back here from time to time to see what discussion has been brought up.
i admire you chromosome, i really do. first off for going to such a place to aid others, that in itself is an admirable act. secondly because i believe that this world does have its issues, and lots of them, and quite often it can seem awful; but it is those bright spots that show how this world can be changed, how it can be viewed for the better. they are the hope is a downtrodden and depraved world of cruelty, destruction and hate. to find a source of such hope must not only have been enlightening, but also magical in way. i applaud the brave souls whom you met while is cambodia. and i applaud you sir. i believe that your message is good and true, so thank you very much. this has made my day
although i do have to say, i agree with what some of the others have said. what good is there in rejecting that which you enjoy as long as it doesnt cause harm to other people? why cast aside ponies, another source of hope (to many) in this dimly lit world, just because youve seen what sadness truly is? why not embrace both as different forms of hope for different kinds of people? i mean not to diminish the value of those men to that of a cartoon, but only to say that each source of light has its own benefits.
lastly, i hope this trip has not dampened your outlook. although it is sad, yes, extremely so, i personally find that those with the brightest souls have the purest goals. stay happy with hope of a new day so that others may feel the same. but thats only my opinion, take of it what you will.
What happens when your big brother tells you that he hates the very thing that drew us together?
Well, there's only one thing you can do. Take this trip to Cambodia and your adventures there and incorporate it into your writing. You have the Big Brony status now; you have a lot of leeway when it comes to your written works. I'd take that to create a story that relates to your new enlightened mind. A great writer takes events in their life and pours them out onto the page with a tangible story. At least... I think so.
I can't wait to read a new work by you, because I know it will be emotional in a way that most Bronies can't even fathom.
Keep strong, Chrome, 'cause we sure as hell need ya.
I admire your courage, and not for the usual reasons - it takes courage to cry. It takes courage to look at the bad. It takes courage to step away from the world, and suddenly realize how much you have and how little others do. It takes courage to tell people this, and to a community that is so strong in their core.
I admire that. And I hope you've been reading the comments you're receiving. I read the whole thing, by the way.
I agree with some people, that every survivor had a killer, that every recovery had an injury, that every solution had a problem. I agree that a lot of people don't notice what they have.
The world is a messed-up, broken-down, beaten-up and beautiful place.
I just thought I would add my two cents.
Looking forward to your next post.
I ended up researching Cambodia during the time of the Khmer Rouge.
BTW, it was 5 people that were the only survivors of the S-21 prison; since then three have died.
I always pride myself on having a deeply objective view on life, so this sort of thing has crossed my mind many times. I have never seen these sort of things myself; I've never met the survivor of some atrocity or the loved ones of those who failed to survive. I'm not very in tune with history, politics, or worldly news in general, but I know the world has problems.
Though these problems have struck a chord with me, I've found dealing with them difficult. There was a time I almost wanted to give up everything because I felt like I didn't deserve any of it. But I'm a selfish human being, not exceptionally so, but I am exceptionally aware of it, and it has almost made me hate myself for a time. Knowing that there are horrors like this in the world does not make me overly amazed by my everyday conveniences, but it has made me aware of how insignificant my problems are, and I have taken solace in that many times.
However, though I've never experienced something as amazing as you have in Cambodia, I do love this world, and I, like you, am proud to be human. The sheer wonder of the acts we as a species have committed, bad and good, horrific and wonderful, is awe-inspiring. Everyday I'm amazed by the capacity human beings have to change the world around them, to interact in ways I would have not though possible at times. I agree that no fictional world will ever be as amazing as the one around us, and that these journeys are relatively insignificant.
But the power of art is to transfer those experiences. I pride myself on the ability to help people experience what they never could, to feel what they couldn't imagine. You have the power to take those events, grasp the most meaningful aspects, and transfer them to others in a summarized version. That may seem like it cheapens the experience, but if those brittle, hunched men could tell you their story with a smile, you can honor them by sharing their feelings with the world. Even better is that you can do it without disrespecting their memory, the power of fiction is to grasp the most powerful emotions of such an experience and show others in a way they can understand, even if you've never lived these things in your life.
I can gather that you aren't going to stop writing because of this experience. If anything, it has probably invigorated you love of life, and your desire to transfer those experiences to others. It really is a beautiful world, and I hope you continue to share that beauty with others in every way you can.
Perhaps Cambodia made you hate ponies, but through ponies, you can help others love the world.
98567
Nobody does something without reason. While some reasoning may be conceited and delusional, no one is without sin
and no one is without love.
I personally proud to part of a species that is capable of both extremes. Without our darkest lows, our greatest highs would be meaningless. That's what this whole post is about, Chromosome learned how valuable his life is by witnessing how horrid the world can be. We can't have comedy without tragedy, we can't have love without hate, and every light on earth casts a shadow.
That's the way the world works, it's not plainly good or evil, and I love it with all my heart.
I've found that when people take a step back and reflect on their lives, they tend to be shocked, surprised, or horrified. Since we see our lives almost entirely through our own viewpoint, we tend to overlook certain details regarding our environment and lifestyle. While amenities like clean food and water are commonplace here in the US, in some places they can be as valuable as gold.
I'm actually in the US navy and stationed in a unique command whose mission includes the ability to be deployed anywhere in the world and be completely self-sufficient in less than a week. When I first arrived there, almost the entire command was just returning from a disaster relief mission in Haiti. This was back in 2010 when Haiti was struck by a major earthquake. Apparently, they had been there since two days after the biggest quake hit. A few days later, I was able to talk to one about his experiences over there. Eventually, the conversation drifted to how gaudy the US was when compared to Haiti and other third-world countries. He admitted that the entire experience was kind of eye-opening, in a disheartening/soul crushing sort of way. When I confronted him about it his reaction was essentially, “Yes. We live in a nation of overabundance while others starve. But that is their country and this is mine. Granted, I wish we could do more than what we did, but brooding over stuff like that wasn't going to help anybody. All we can do was move forward and hope the little stuff we do can make a difference."
This brings me to another subject: the little things. While your statements are absurdist, almost nihilistic in nature, I can agree with you on certain points. If you look at a story for what it is, it can be without meaning. I can compare it to whiskey for the most part, for even the most expensive of whiskeys, with all its' splendor, is naught but fermented grain. However, it is in the reading of stories, the listening of songs, the observance of art, even the banter of debates and discussions that we can find meaning. That is because all these have one thing in common. They all have emotions tied with them. One could argue that emotions are meaningless in the face of death. But is a life without emotions even a life at all? People die. But people also laugh, they cry, they rage, they forgive, but most importantly they live. That's why I believe that those men you met could smile. Because even in light of all that has happened to them, they are alive. To me, the little things in life are what tend to make it worth living, which has recently included sipping whiskey whilst reading pony fanfiction.
Lastly, as far as the whole “going to equestrian” idea, I am what I am where I am. While I admit that I have thought about being in a world like equestria, they have been nothing more than passing fancies. I am a human; nothing more, nothing less. Furthermore, if given the choice, I would almost always pick my planet, because as crazy as it is, it is my planet and I love it.
Equestria is a nice place, but I wouldn't wanna live there. Also, human in Equestria fics (even if the concept is filled with potential) almost always suck, so I'm glad you're never likely to write something along those lines.
Honestly, it's an understandable sentiment. Just don't use it as an excuse to QUIT WRITING FOREVER ZOMG because that has all the makings of a huge, drama-queeny hissy-fit and no one wants one of those. Also, I wanna see what happens next in Off-Key whenever you get back to working on that.
99653
For where I see only a pile of shit, you can discern a gem hidden within it.
You see, that's the difference between us, that I'm a little jealous about.
Who knows, maybe someday something (like Chromosome's trip) will cause me to learn to disregard the stench and disgust and see the gem like you.
Equestria, a place so unlike Earth, so happy, everywhere, while here on earth, there is death, destruction, pain... Equestria is a nice place, but it's a fairytale. A place that can never be. ... ... ...I understand what you mean...
...
But I still like Ponies!