i posted a thing and also here's a (actually serious) retrospective · 2:51am Jul 18th, 2018
aaaaaaaaaaaa i submitted a new thing that should be up soon and im a bit nervous because its pretty out of my comfort zone stylistically. but i hope you guys like it regardless, doubly so considering i did my best to bash it out in four days. big ups to PresentPerfect for the idea (though im sure he regrets it) and for taking a moment to look through it as well. youre a good dude.
if you dont want to read about stuff relating to me or my sob story, and why i left and have been gone, then this blog ends for you here. if youre actually curious or want an opportunity to call me out for being a dickhead, ill see you after the break.
I'm sorry.
I want to make it a point to make it look like I'm taking this part of the blog seriously because, well, I am. I don't really know what possessed me to think that I could waltz back in here and act like nothing had happened, or that my actions didn't have consequences. And so before I can do that I need to start by saying I'm sorry.
So... I'm sorry. Again. Now let's talk about December 14th, 2013. Let's talk about this.
In 2013, my second year of university, I was not happy. I didn't like myself, and I didn't like the way I was living my life. It was toxic, it was monotonous, and it was doomed a total fucking nuclear meltdown. I thought I could delay it or control it, but I was wrong. MLP was a crutch for me, and I had reached a point where I didn't like that crutch either, but I kept using it.
Why? Because I like attention. Hell, I still do, but who doesn't? But I had an unhealthy relationship with attention. If I didn't get it, I fucking crashed and hollowed out. I want to make something clear, shooting myself in the foot as I say it: everything I did before December 14, 2013, I almost always did in ways that would maximize my attention on this website.
Interviews? Attention. Joining the EQD pre-readers? Attention. LOEG? Oh my god, my fucking lowest point, and yes, all for attention.
I was not a good person, though I tried to pretend as such and masqueraded an air of self-aware pretention. The only thing that probably kept me from becoming a full-on hellion was that my discipline was garbage. I loved attention but hated working to get it.
So how does this lead to December 14th, 2013? Well, that was the breaking point, I guess. I woke up one day, realized I would never get the attention I wanted from this shit. The golden days were gone, and since I'd long stopped enjoying the show, 1 + 1 = fuck this, I'm out.
One flippant blog post later and I was gone. Because that was Chromosome. Chromosome was attention and validation and sometimes writing. It was a bad persona and I'm glad I buried it in a shallow grave behind a Waffle House.
I know what you're thinking: "How the fuck is this blog post/your return not also a desperate bid for attention?"
And I'll argue that... actually, I won't, that's a good fucking point. Even this, this bullshit waffling about nothing while I get to my actual point.
I decided to come back because I think I'm finally writing for the reason I should be: because it's fun as fuck and it's also nice to have an audience who wants to read about it. And I made this post because I wanted closure from something that's been nagging me since I updated Anno Domini. So again, whether the apology is warranted or not, expected or not, or even wanted, I'm sorry for duping you all.
I'm sorry to you, my Equestria Daily pre-readers, who I cut off from contact without warning. Some of you were good friends. Also I'm sorry I did, like, zero pre-reading. And for usually being a cock in Skype.
I'm sorry to PresentPerfect, whose world I hopped back into out of nowhere expecting a free ride. You're a hell of a guy with an amazing devotion to what you do, and I can't hope to match it. You're a boon to this fandom.
I'm sorry to shortskirtsandexplosions, who my admiration for was tainted by envy, who I used to further a self-consuming agenda. I feel like I compromised your sense of right and wrong and put you through a really hard time that you didn't deserve. You're just a straight up better author and person than me.
I'm sorry to Aquaman, yet another cool dude. You were always good to me, and you wrote like a fucking titan and it pissed me the hell off. So you just keep doing what you do. You have my thanks for everything.
I'm sorry to every single person who's handle I don't remember, to who I was dismissive, arrogant, or just downright mean to. I'm sorry for abandoning projects and giving false expectations. I'm sorry you got caught up in who I was.
Blech. I'd be lying if I said this whole fucking blog leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth. I half think I won't post it. But fuck it. This is the last of its kind. I think I needed this off my chest, and if I can only do it on a public platform, then so be it. All I can say is I don't want to be that person anymore. I can't be. I'm happy, I've met the love of my life, and I feel fulfilled in what I do. Some people don't have that privilege. I don't want this petty shit anymore, man.
i just want to write about some muthafuckin cartoon horses, dawg. stay cool
We’re just glad you’re back!
I'm reading this blog post and it's slowly dawning on me that maybe, just maybe, I am now where you were back then. c.c
Son, I'm cry ;_;
I never gave you a proper welcome back, so here's that: welcome back, cool dude.
The past is in the past now and It's awesome to hear you're moving forward and into horse once more. No matter what happens now, it's worth it to have another amazing author back on the shelves. Here's to ya and your future words.
dude, a crisis like that doesn't make you a dick, it's human and understandable. If you're in a better place, then what you do now for fun and happiness is what's worth concentrating on.
You were missed, but the new you is someone I look forward to getting to know little by little.
You know what? You were the last person I expected to see back on this site short or TAW or Device Heretic. Cheers, mate.
Welcome back, chrum(?).
I'm glad that you've pulled through that rough patch in your life.
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thanks boyos, i really appreciate it. cheers for sticking around.
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youre a good lad, and i hope you dont make the same mistakes i did
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Nah, I'm just gonna get fat and die at my computer. :B
❤️❤️❤️
And real talk, I sympathize hard with having a toxic relationship with Internet popularity and writing as self-actualization, so no need to apologize for that. I’m just happy to hear you’re in a better headspace now and to see you doing what you love because you love it.
(Now come to a con sometime so we can
make outfinally meet face to facemake out.)is this what it means to grow as a person?
glad to have you back.