Nov
7th
2013
Raising Awareness · 5:56am Nov 7th, 2013
The truth is? I have a sickness.
Many of you might have guessed already. Frankly, the symptoms were obvious in retrospect. Unfortunately, it is something that's going to impact my writing.
Like I said in the comments of Taste of a Good Life, I suffer from Unnecessary Epilogue Syndrome.
Lucky for me, heroes like Lesolan have taken to spreading the word by recording a warning for future generations.
Remember, without your help nothing can stop the UES.
It's okay. We accept you for who you are.
Until we don't.
Then you must run.
But, I like the unnecessary epilogues. I feel they help give a sense of unenging-ness to a story. That life goes on after the end.
1488222
Well, it's like anything else: unnecessary things are unnecessary.
1488222
WAY TO BE PART OF THE PROBLEM, SQUEE! GOD!
Yeah, I like them too.
I am pretty sure the only prescription is more cowbell.
I fear that I may be diagnosed with UES as well one day, and strive to avoid it when I can. I thank both you and Lesolan for spreading the word and seeking to save future generations from this tragedy.
1488225
Don't worry, we'll get through it together.
THE END
.
..
...
Three weeks later
"Got any threes?"
"Go Fish"
"Dang"
After the events of the epilogue of You Can Fight Fate:
- Cloud Kicker and Cloud Kicker opened a small pastry stand in Los Pegasus. It is frequented by washed up actors and producers.
- Homerun went on to star in the hit TV sitcom The Big Bang Theory of Smashing Changeling's Heads In, before retiring to a ranch outside Ponyville, where he raises cattle in the company of his beloved wife Strikeout and two children Third Inning and Nutshot.
- Morning Glow is now a local Canterlot celebrity for his work on Broadneigh, and is most well known for his portrayal of Tree #2 in Hysteria: The Fluttershy Story.
- Shooting Star invented a longer-lasting lightbulb and retired to Seaddle with her beloved husband, Prince Blueblood.
- The timeline without Shooting Star went somewhat south when Luna, enraged by the disappearance of her daughter, killed Celestia and took over Equestria. Everypony then froze to death in the eternal night while Twilight was banging Azalea in the closet.
- Still-Evil Discord turned several ponies into conscious fruit, which died in horrific agony as they began to rot, before somepony accidentally squished them.
- The Elements of Harmony didn't actually turn good, and Twilight is still an unwitting puppet to their will. She later took over Equestria and was basically like the Changeling Twilight, except less crazy and more like that one story where Twilight was MultiVac.
1488222>>1488225
... ?
Well, you won't get better by us enabling you...
Only things that come to mind are an intervention... or a witch burning... one should work.
Sit down, pile some wood, light it on fire and watch it burn with this music
This should cure you.
1488257 Robot Unicorn Attack II? Is that you? I'm sorry I have forgotten about you! I swear I will go back to playing you soon! ; ;
1488291 your non sequitur... Confuses me.
1488241
....
You actually kind of scared me there for a second, Eakin...
There are enough people on the site that suffer mental breakdowns that it's a genuine concern, and it would be terrible if we lost you.
Glad to hear you're just being a drama queen.
1488332
Don't worry! My mental breakdown happened right before I started writing Pony stuff.
Surely a coincidence.
Surely.
1488337
Surely.
I hope you're doing well now.
You know, I'm sick of all this epilogue-shaming. Epilogues aren't a disease. Some authors are just genetically more predisposed to write them, and our culture has these weird and unrealistic standards that a story should be finished once you reach the end. (Look in literary magazines. They airbrush the epilogues completely out! When's the last time you saw an epilogue in the New Yorker? They're just not representing the story structure of the vast majority of writers!)
"A Stitch In Time", "You Can Fight Fate", "The Reign Of Queen Twilight Sparkle", "Changing Lives" — we have to stand up against those who would call them unnecessary epilogues. We have to say that, even if they were epilogues, that would be okay — and besides, they're sequels! "Hard Reset" was never meant to be self-contained. There's whole multiverses in it!
1488295 this is one of the songs you can purchase in RUA II.
1488352
I'm tired of you people trying to rationalise that UES is okay. Yes, the occasional epilogue is natural, most writers need them in order to make a complete story, they aren't superhuman, but if you think that an author who goes back for second (or even third!) epilogues on most or all of their stories is exhibiting healthy behaviour, you're deluded.
It's people like you who make UESers think their condition is okay, despite the risks. According to WHO (Writer's Health Organisation) writers with an average of 1.5 epilogues per story have almost double the risk of stroke, heart attacks, and OCD. (Over-Characterization Disorder.)
Seriously, if you have more than 1.25 epilogues per story, PUT DOWN THE DAMN PEN. You're only hurting yourself by pretending your lifestyle is healthy for you.
1488385
You make me sick. It's readers like you who are responsible for all of the 1000-word posted stories and Incomplete tags, as authors strive for succinctness, and binge and purge words in the editing process.
Over-Characterization Disorder? Listen, while you sit there and make your judgments based on scientifically questionable and ultimately meaningless "Story Characterization Index" numbers, teenage authors' plots are dying due to overediting to meet EqD standards. They're not only getting rid of epilogues but also perfectly healthy adverbs and dialogue attributions.
And for what? So you can sneer at epilogue-laden authors to make you feel better about your own lean writing style? Thanks for nothing.
1488471
You are literally Sombra. I can't believe you have the audacity to say that EqD editing standards are causing some sort of word purging epidemic. Just look at our idols. Shortskirtsandexplosions, one of the most popular writers on this site, is so addicted to words that he wound up making a second account just to sneak in more on the side. And what do we do? Do we tell him to slow down? No, we make him a fucking hero.
Have you READ the Austraeoh series? Of course you haven't, because nobody can finish the motherfucker. Rainbow Dash spends about twenty chapters doing jack shit, but OH, because the author posted EVERY DAY and he's up to like EIGHT HUNDRED CHAPTERS now it must be worth reading because it's long. When's the last time someone said "Oh, hey, a thousand word story, surely this must be worth reading due to it's succinct nature?" NEVER.
And what about shit like this group? You're honestly going to tell me we live in a bloat-shaming society when people like this are around giving prestige to people who spend all their time writing dreck?
I'm PROUD to be a lean writer. Do I toss plots out the window? You bet your ass. But at least I can be proud of what I put into my stories. Can YOU say the same?
My only objection to your unnecessary epilogues was that you paired up Appledash, but for some reason just as it looked like Flaritty might happen... Rariglow. Ugh. Or maybe that was just part of the ending. Ah well, I guess I can pretend Flutterpie happened.
1488496
> You are literally Sombra.
Well! There's Godwhinny's Law in action. Sombra comparison = you lose the argument. But let's break down the rest, for giggles.
The fact that you're holding up "Austraeoh" as some sort of emblem of Epilogue Culture is further proof of just how demented your spittle-flecked words are. In case you didn't notice, Austraeoh's chapters average out at a paltry 1,063 words each. You're one of those flash fiction writers, aren't you? Only someone raised on a steady diet of this kind of mass-media crap could even consider Austraeoh anything other than the starved waif it is. Any non-delusional reader, stacking it up next to a healthy story like "Fallout: Equestria," would vomit at seeing the skeleton of Austraeoh's plot stick out from the flesh of its weird descriptions of landscapes.
> When's the last time someone said "Oh, hey, a thousand word story, surely this must be worth reading due to it's succinct nature?" NEVER.
You know, once upon a time, some SANE person made this exact argument and OH WAIT THAT WAS ME. Thousand-word stories are unnatural and disturbing. More like scene sketches than vehicles for plot. And yet the magazines feature them; and yet the FIMFic front page is filled with them. They're not what people WANT to read, THEY'RE WHAT THE GATEKEEPERS GIVE US.
> Do I toss plots out the window? You bet your ass. But at least I can be proud of what I put into my stories. Can YOU say the same?
Now see, it's that sort of attitude which prevents HEALTHY pride in one's stories. That's why I need to tell my anecdote again about the first time I talked to my new editor after I moved to ponyfic. "Horizon," he said, "you've got thirty-seven plot lines in your first chapter. It takes an index to keep all of your characters straight. There's more backstabbing in here than in Game of Thrones."
Yes, I was mortified. Who wants to be told that? But he was the writing professional, and I trusted him. That's why I asked back: "First season or second season?"
"Second season," he said, and put his hoof on my shoulder. "You need to tone this back."
Well, I burst into tears, but I did what he said, and then you know what happened six months later? The THIRD season came out, and IT WAS EVEN BACKSTABBIER! I was so ashamed! I'd thrown away all that plot, and for what? There was living proof that a complex, intricate story weaving in plotline after plotline could be not only possible but successful!
See, if my editor had simply been able to follow the literary evidence rather than coming under the insidious sway of changelings like you, we could have had a realistic talk about what was most appropriate for my writing style, rather than me glancing at wordcounts for six months, dropping four chapters only to regain them again — over and over and over.
So if you want to talk about pride, let's talk about pride. Just as soon as you admit that we wouldn't HAVE pride problems if it wasn't for epilogue fascists like you in the first place.
Oh, heck with it. I'm done here.
1488559
Well good! I didn't want to argue any more anyway, because
I was losing the debateyou are a butt and your face is also a butt.I believe Patient Zero was JK Rowling. In any case, I have epilogued before, and I will again. But not all the time. I can quit any time I want.
1488253
I KNEW IT!
Well, some of it. I think.
But what happened to Li'l Slugger? Is he still in therapy?
1488496>>1488559
If you want to win the argument, just ask 'Hey Bax, how's Hard Reset 2 coming?'
Seriously though, (don't say it) (but... it's so loopy! I need-)(Finish that sentence and I'll convince Eakin to lobotomize us both out of existence)(-Moar?)(Burn in hell.)
I am absolutely and completely okay with this.
1488496
I'll have you know that I've read the entirety of Austraeoh and am currently reading along with Odrsjot as it updates.
It is a pretty good story.
1488924
pinkie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/thumb/mlfw8901.gif
Seriously though I have been staring at a blank screen sweating blood (and finding ways to procrastinate, like catching up on that back reading for the Royal Canterlot Library) for three weeks now. THERE WILL BE MOAR. If I can just get to the giant explosion scene I told myself I'd start serializing it …
1489496
> I've read the entirety of Austraeoh …
EPILOGUE SHAMER! EPILOGUE SHAMER!!!
… I think. Man I don't even know who the bad people are any more.
1489508 You do realize repeated commenting is also a sign of UES, right? Don't worry, though. There's a UES wing in Betty Ford with kind, compassionate
poniespeople to help us. So just put the keyboard down, and back away slowly. We have this nice white jacket with long arms for you to wear, and our friendly staff will welcome you to this loving care facility.1488496
Oh, hell no.
Have you heard of Fugue State? Do you know what he went through for Social Lubricant?
1488471
And this is coming from the guy who got me to toss out literally half my words.
Point is: EqD-like standards should be viewed as flexible guidelines, and a little moderation never hurt anyone.
I was planning an epilogue? Halp?
1489899
You shouldn't respond to trolls like 1488582. His face is a butt.
… Wait, no, that's me. His face is a WINGPIT. It's not just stinky, it's both stinky AND ticklish.
Seriously, though, this is not a battle to waste perfectly good umbrage over. Also you're completely forgetting about my best story ever, which got poney Friction Vaultered, and that makes it my best story ever. Also it is good.
(As you can tell, this was a very serious argument we had.)
1489731
I WILL YELL AT YOU
I WILL YELL AT YOU AND YOUR DOG
1490267
Ah--
...
Ahm. Erm. Eh-HERM.
Yes. That, er, goes as well.
Nice blog post, but needs more epilogues.
Okay, legitimately curious. Is this in reference more to the tendency of your stories to spawn sequel after sequel; or more to things like Chapter 5 of "Hard Reset", where you were pretty much finished with the main plot but went back to explore Twilight's PTSD for 10,000 words?
Cause that was honestly my favorite part of Hard Reset, with the possible exception of Twilight's last two trips through the loop.
Also I'd weigh in with something fitting to the discussion, but I need to actually finish something first before I start thinking about epilogues.
1517644
That was the first, and most severe example. Since then I've tracked on epilogues or extra chapter to four other stories that were tagged 'complete.'
The sequel thing is a whole other mess