Found an alicorn fic and reviewed the first chapter · 3:00pm Sep 6th, 2013
Twilight has fallen for an alicorn
Because that's in no way unoriginal whatsoever. Also, I noticed the OC tag, meaning this is most likely a self insert.
"Hey Twilight." Spike said, closing the door behind him. "Hello Spike." Twilight said, her eyes dug into the book she was reading. Spike noticed that she was digging into the book, reading it. "What are you reading there?" Spike asked out of curiosity. Twilight looked at Spike briefly and said "Oh, it's a romance novel. It can be sad too." Spike walked over to Twilight Sparkle and stated "Twilight, it's about time that you got your head out of those books and started to talk more with your friends. I mean after all, Princess Celestia requested that you make friends." "I know, but this book is really interesting that I must-".
Whenever you start dialogue from a character, you must start a new line.
"Everypony! I welcome the newest pony into Ponyville! He is a kind gentleman and has survived many dangers! Here he is… the one… the only… Smarty Heart!". A cloud of smoke appeared and a male pony came out of the smoke.
"kind gentleman"
"survived many dangers"
Sounds like a Gary Stu to me.
Smarty Heart was a purple skinned Unicorn with a dark purple mane and had short wings. Everypony was amazed and began to cheer for him, going crazy in the process. Most of the girl ponies were love-struck by Smarty Heart's appearance and ended up cheering for him the most. Pinkie Pie at one point shouted "You're my hero, Smarty Heart!" and blew a kiss at him.
Typical Gary Stu. Every character inexplicably falls in love with him/her at first site.
Smarty Heart was smiling and whipping his mane back and forth. Applejack was cheering and said "See? He doesn't look bad Twilight, you'll get to know him and be a huge fan of him like us!" But Twilight seemed to be dazed out, staring at Smarty Heart. Everything was slowing down. Smarty Heart was looking straight into Twilight Sparkle's eyes. It was a loved feeling that Twilight Sparkle had never felt before. She was falling for the new pony in town.
Even more Gary Stu crap.
She began to smile at the Unicorn, having felt warm and comforted. Smarty Heart then blew a kiss at all the girl ponies in the crowd. Twilight Sparkle didn't even react, she was just smiling at him and gazing, imagining she and Smarty Heart kissing at a sunset, on a balcony in Canterlot. Rarity soon noticed that Twilight Sparkle began to blush. "Why Twilight… is that a blush I see?" she said, the white Unicorn smiling. But Twilight Sparkle was too dazed out to even talk to Rarity, she just kept staring endlessly at Smarty Heart.
Not even one minute after meeting him and she's imagining kissing him at a sunset in Canterlot? Because that's totally reasonable.
And that's only the first HALF of the first chapter.
>Smarty Heart
oh god i died
dafuck is this rubbish?
1331820 So did I, Reggy. So did I.
1332071 The worst thing since Past Sins.
1332969 To be honest it might just be a trollfic cleverly disguised as a shitty allicorn fic