Cold

I don't know what's wrong with me anymore. I want to write again so badly, but everytime I grab my laptop and open up a story to work on...I just kind of get cold inside and have to turn it off. I get weird cold chills even thinking about finishing a chapter anymore. The cold hurts, not like physical, but in my heart, you know? I don't get it. Nothing's right. I'm sort of scared now. It's like I'm not me anymore.

Comments

[Inferno demon Dash]

Roxxi, I shall tell you what I once told a friend to help him through his own doubts of writing, and he's a published author: You do know that happens to the best of us, right? We ALL have our moments of hesitation, every single one of us, real author's to. But you know what? We allow it to flow in our brain at the right pace, writing for a writer is in their blood, engraved in their soul, you could not much ever give up writing just like a person could ever stop caring for their family or love one, I'm having trouble to but that does not mean I'll ever stop, fanfiction or original, once you write something that you really love and other people enjoy you can't ever stop, you won't because new ideas are ALWAYS planted in our minds, a certain idea, a flow to a certain story, something we wish to change in a show we watched, book we read or even another piece of writing someone else wrote on here.

Try to give up writing and it comes back to haunt you, ideas always punch me and the face, sometimes I have doubts but I ALWAYS come back...you can't give up writing, it's our blessing and our curse as writers and we both know and love it, we find bliss in our work of art that we are proud of even if others don't agree.

I'm no hero, but I'm not the villain, I'm not here to save the world but that does not mean I won't always have a friends back.

Writers like you very seriously inspire me, it's because of you that I took a deeper look into my stories.

You ever need someone to talk to, then I got your back and support you, if you got Skype I would like for us to chat if that's cool, my username is Flameclaws2, TRUST ME, I know what you are going through, I have been writing for eight years now and after you start writing, heh, you never stop

And you'll always have friends and family that will support you my friend, no matter what you chose for your life..

[Chaodiurn]

Everything but this!
I was glad to hear that you're out of hospital, and now that! If I get this right, you went through the hardest stage, and yet the world doesn't seem brighter then before? No fair! Aren't you looking back? When you wrote the sweetest things as On The Edge and Discord's Day? Great titles to work with now, heh. Thing is, time's no better than we humans are. How could it, we developed it! That the time on the clock has few things in common with the real time is no secret.... Anyways! Tick tock goes the clock. I think when you sit down to write you remember those good, flawless feelings of the past days. And I think you want to fall into them again, force the fall into them. But then, there's this other part in you, that silently blocks this fall like a wall of glass, saying that you can't re-live past feelings, isn't it? We look back, where we worked so so hard for a simple life in emotional freedom, and yet, wasn't it a high price to pay when we are cold in the end once more? I better start a new paragraph now...

From dancing I learned that the world still can fade. The time is running ahead no matter what, and when I'm dancing I keep moving no matter what. When I tried to convert that feeling I had while dancing to my writing, I saw something that actually scared me. Past feelings can't be re-lived indeed. The past is solid, it's behind us and there's no point in forcing it to be alive again. But the future, on the other hand, is barely a fog. We can shape that, and even if it is only the very next second we don't need the past for it. When I dance (I am the worst dancer of this world, but I do it anyway) I just let go everything that's in my head and fill the next moment with what I want it to contain, and only with that. I forget about everything, not because that's what I did the last time I danced but because I fucking please to do just that just now. I don't go there to do something I like, but because I know I can make it something I enjoy. I don't need anyone for doing that, and more important, I don't need anything for that. Not the past, no rules. While the past does not allow any changes to be made, the future has yet to come, giving you the freedom to change. Humans always change, that's how it always has been. We grow and we develop into better humans.

And here comes the hard part. For becoming free once more, you have to accept that time has changed. Whoever you were, and whoever you are, it is your choice alone whoever you want and will be in the next second. I think this is a cruel coldness. You can't make it go away. No, you even have to accept it before it does not vanish but becomes warmer. A burning fire in your chest that keeps you alive or a block of ice that makes death looking warm. In eternity, there's only silence. We are the true paradise on earth! And I would be damned if the past would have the might to turn this paradise into hell. Ye, I know, I've already said that months ago.

TL;DR: Don't force old feelings to be alive. Recreate the love in the new ways that are open for you in this days, find your new points of peace and create happiness for yourself and others by just being awesome in every second to come.

For now, I've got to stop. Didn't eat anything yet and there's a super-delicious cake waiting to be devoured.

[Roxxi]

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Jeez, you guys... I just... Thanks. Really, thanks a lot.