I Need Mo Gangsta In Dis Shit! · 3:53am Apr 28th, 2013

Supa-Hoe Celestia strutted down tha hallway, Twilight Sparkle keepin up doggystyle. “Supa-Hoe Celestia,” her big-ass booty holla'd, “Is there suttin' wack wit Excolotis?”

“Fuck dat shit, Twilight,” Celestia holla'd, “There is not a god damn thang wrong. I expect dat dat schmoooove muthafucka has some... concerns n' wants ta voice dem as quickly as his schmoooove ass can.”

“Oh. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So... Where is we going?” Twilight asked.

“Yo ass need ta know tha real deal, Twilight,” holla'd Celestia, “and tha only one whoz ass can rap dat is currently up in tha cells.”

They strutted up in silence.

“Twilight?” axed Celestia.

“Yes?”

“Is yo thugged-out ass... Is you still mad salty wit me?”

Twilight stopped. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! “Princess,” her big-ass booty holla'd, “I can’t say dat I straight-up KNOW what tha fuck was goin down back then. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. But afta what tha fuck happened all up in tha barn, I be thinkin I git dat shit. There is some whoz ass don’t want thang. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Some whoz ass only wanna hurt you, n' if you plead n' beg n' promise thang, they’ll just bust a cap up in you n' laugh at yo' corpse.”

“I’m sorry dat you had ta smoke up bout that.” holla'd Celestia.

“So be I.”

Excolotis stepped tha fuck into tha hustlin yard, blinkin as tha light shone up in his wild lil' fuckin eyes. Dat shiznit was already late at night n' tha sun was goin down. A number of guardz stood around, lounged round or chatted wit playaz whilst cleanin shit. Nearly all of dem stopped ta stare all up in tha giant amongst em. Excolotis breathed up in n' stood tall n' proud, whereas before dat schmoooove muthafucka had moved uncertainly, lookin all round up in wonder n' shiznit yo. Dude wore tha yard like a jungle pussaaaaay wears tha trees yo. His confidence n' strength caused all whoz ass looked at his ass ta stare, n' then chuckle.

“Hey,” holla'd one, nudgin his wild lil' playa, “Look at this; tha pimpin' muthafucka be thinkin dat he owns tha place.”

“Heh,” laughed tha other, “We’ll show his ass what tha fuck it means ta be a guard.”

Da yard itself was bout five hundred metas long, n' three hundred metas wide. Da ground was chronic grass, cut short. Bleachers was erected on one side, along wit a viewin box fo' Celestia n' Luna fo' realz. A big-ass white wall, bout ten or twelve feet tall, stood along tha borders.

Excolotis turned as a pony coughed next ta his muthafuckin ass. Da pony was a white unicorn stallion, neon blue afro hung long yo, but still outta his wild lil' fuckin eyes yo. Dude wore tha typical bardin of tha guard yo, but whereas tha rest wore golden uniforms da thug wore a purple tracksuit. “You’re Excolotis, right?” holla'd tha unicorn, a gangbangin' frown stretchin across his wild lil' face, “My fuckin name’s Shinin Armour n' I’m tha Captain of tha Guard here.”

“Is dat so?” holla'd Excolotis.

“Yes yes y'all...” holla'd Shining, “Celestia already informed mah crazy ass of yo' arrival.”

“Alright then...” Excolotis looked all up in tha guards, “I’ve been holla'd at ta evaluate tha guard’s abilitizzles up in battle, wit a report locked n loaded up in bout four or so hours.”

“Ah, so shall we git started?” axed Shinin Armour.

“No.” holla'd Excolotis, “Yo ass will git started, n' I bea be watching. I’ll rap what tha fuck you need ta do, don’t worry.”

“Then... what tha fuck is you bustin here?” axed Shining, “Yo ass can’t just sit here n' pass tha time, not up in mah yard.”

“Well, now dat you mention dat shit...” holla'd Excolotis, “Yo ass can help me figure up what tha fuck dis is.”

Excolotis reached tha fuck into tha foldz of his bangin robes n' pulled up a white tablet.

“That’s a tablet.” holla'd Shining.

Excolotis stared at Shining, “Let’s assume I don’t know what tha fuck dat is.”

“Yo ass know,” Shinin armour holla'd, wavin a hoof, “Medicine, biatch? Uh... Yo ass know what tha fuck a potion is, biatch? Well it’s kind of like that, except without any gin n juice n' tha magic powder is compressed tha fuck into a rock.”

“Right...” holla'd Excolotis, “Now where can I find a Apothecary?”

“...Alright, now let’s assume dat I don’t know what tha fuck dat is.” holla'd Shining.

“A healer,” holla'd Excolotis, “One whoz ass make medicines ta help alleviate diseases n' discomforts.”

“Yo ass mean like a Chemist or something?” holla'd Shining, “What, do you need medicine or something?”

“Stupid language,” Excolotis groaned, “Fuck dat shit, I need ta find one of mah thugs whoz ass can tell me what tha fuck dis medicine is!”

“Celestia holla'd at you ta go give a evaluation,” holla'd Shining, “I won’t help you disobey her orders.”

Excolotis stared at Shining. “You’re right...” da perved-out muthafucka holla'd, “I be supposed ta be bustin a evaluation yo, but like I holla'd, dat is ghon be yo' thang. Fine, if you can find one of mah thugs whoz ass can tell me what tha fuck dis is we’ll git started.”

“Whatever,” holla'd Shining, “I’ll be glad ta be rid of you; I don’t need you spittin some lyrics ta me how tha fuck ta do mah thang.”

Excolotis smiled n' leaned down ta shinin Armour. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Dat shiznit was a expressive smile.

For comparison, when Celestia smilez it says; “Yo ass is just a thugged-out darling! I’m goin ta do every last muthafuckin thang I can ta make shizzle you’re happy, ‘cause you’re mah child, n' I gots a straight-up boner fo' you, nahmean biiiatch, biatch? Give me a hug!”

This smile don’t. This smile holla'd, “Yo ass be as a insignificant speck, a insufferable blight on mah existence n' you only exist cuz I allow dat shit. Yo crazy-ass game, like mah patience, be bout ta come ta a end yo, but it ain't no stoppin cause I be still poppin'. I bea bust a cap up in you, rape yo' hoe, n' enslave yo' lil' thugs. Yo crazy-ass works is ghon be toppled, n' I shall salt yo' lands. Yo crazy-ass servants shall be impaled upon pimped out spikez of iron; a sight fo' me ta trip off up in mah evenin meal, n' yo' guardz is ghon be mah sustenizzle on dem nights, n' you can put dat on yo' toast. I bea commit evils dat yo' aunts, uncles, n' cousins will take a thugged-out dirtnap up in such pain n' sufferin dat they will curse yo' straight-up name all up in grillfulz of they own blood. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I be fly as a gangbangin' falcon, soarin all up in tha sky dawwwwg! Then I bea mastabizzle furiously over yo' corpses n' burnin lands, cuz I git off on dat shit. Da deluge of blood, gore n' semen is ghon be as such dat if I played a recordin of ‘Shoop Be Doo’ mah playas will rush ta tha lake of red n' white ta peep tha sea ponies.”

Dat shiznit was a... straight-up expressive smile.

“Would you like ta rephrase that?” Dude holla'd.

“What I meant ta say was,” holla'd Shining, takin all dem steps back, “I’m shizzle you’re straight-up busy n' I’d don't give a fuck bout ta take up yo' time!”

“Better.” Excolotis straightened, “Now, yo' stallions n' mares is goin ta do a six kilometre run up in full gear, n' then demonstrate they game on dummies wit fifteen blows from each weapon. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch fo' realz. After dat they will do another six kilometre run. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I bea be watchin n' evaluatin yo' ponies tha entire time, though I aint goin ta interfere up in any way.”

Twilight n' Celestia stepped down tha fuck into tha castle dungeons. Da dungeons was straight-up fairly clean, wit bright globes set tha fuck into tha white marble ceilin n' a cold-ass lil clean swept floor. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Set along tha middle of tha corridor was a long-ass gutter, which was designed ta flush waste up tha fuck into a septic tank.

Funnily enough a Unicorn had managed ta git his crazy-ass magic inhibitor off once, n' then cast a shrinkin spell so dat his schmoooove ass could fit tha fuck into tha drains yo. Dude was not aiiight when tha guardz fished his ass up wit a oversized net, normally used fo' gettin rid of rubbish.

Da guardz was even mo' miserable when they had ta scrub his ass down. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Some of dem was earth ponies.

At tha end of tha hallway up in his own cell sat Spider Script, chillin on his bed n' starin all up in tha ceiling.

“Twilight, dis is Spider Script,” holla'd Celestia motionin wit her hoof wit every last muthafuckin name, “Spider Script, Twilight Sparkle. Now I’ve gots all dem thangs ta do, so if you don’t mind...” And wit that, dat biiiiatch strutted off.

“Sooo...” holla'd Twilight, ‘Why is you on lockdown?”

“Well...” holla'd Spider Script, “I’m up in here fo' rape, arson, murder, n' rape.”

Twilight blinked, “Yo ass holla'd rape twice.”

“I wanna bust a nut on rape.” Said Spider, “Nah, straight-up I played a lil' bit of a prank on Luna, n' so I’m up in here fo' tha dizzle so dat I learn a lil' bit of respect fo' tha Lunar Supa-Hoe fo' realz. And secondly, these is tha holdin cells, not prison. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Not as much anal, so there’s a lil' bit of a gangbangin' finger-lickin' difference; easier not ta gotta worry bout tha soap.”

Twilight stared at Spider, “Riiiiight... Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So Celestia holla'd dat you know tha real deal bout Excolotis.”

“Oh, him?” Spider swung his hairy-ass legs off tha bed n' landed on his wild lil' feet wit a cold-ass lil clop, “Yeah, I know of his crazy-ass muthafuckin involvement way back durin tha second Equestria. Basically, he’s tha third co-smoker of equestria; disgraced, obviously.”

‘Why?” holla'd Twilight, “What did da ruffneck do?”

“Well,” holla'd Spider, “We’ll gotta go back a funky-ass bit. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So let’s start all up in tha beginning. To be blunt, recordz goin back dat far is rare; they simply didn’t survive tha passage of time. But from what tha fuck I know, all dat shiznit started wit Luna n' Celestia finally whoopin Discord, n' give props ta fuck fo' that.”

“To put it bluntly, tha Royal Sistas meant well yo, but they were... well fuckin wack. They didn’t like grasp what tha fuck it meant ta defend a empire so they kinda sat round like dumbasses while tha ponies under they care gots picked off by all sortz of nastizzles left over from Discord’s reign. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I mean, no offense yo, but they had no real scam what tha fuck they was bustin. They’d build huts, n' towns, n' villages where possible yo, but dat shiznit was only a matter of time before some wanderin shiznit fucks would show up n' fuck up every last muthafuckin thang.”

“Basically, you’d end up wit some folks tryin desperately ta scrape together what tha fuck was left of they miserable, fucked up existence before these ass monkeys would show up n' fuck thangs over, n' tha Princesses was straight-up fuckin helpless. But there was dis one guy; dis freaky, balls up crazy mutha fucker whoz ass knew how tha fuck ta protect tha innocent, fucked up train wrecks dat was ponies.”

“This playa was Excolotis fo' realz. And da thug was tha hardest lil fucker whoz ass eva flossed up yo. Dude took no shit, da thug was brutal, n' I mean brutal! Accordin ta tha talez anythang wack enough ta battle his ass gots fucked six ways ta Sundizzle dawwwwg! There is reportz of his ass jackin thangs ta dirtnap, stompin they headz in, rippin dem apart wit his hands, impalin dem upon wooden spikes; you name it, he’s done it at one point or another.”

“His listz of suckas include dragons fo' fuck’s sake biaaatch! Dragons!”

“Lil Small-Ass problem is, while da thug was phat all up in tha whole ‘brutally cappin' every last muthafuckin thang up in sight’ part, da perved-out muthafucka sucked at every last muthafuckin thang else. That’s where Celestia comes tha fuck into tha picture. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch shows up one day, whilst Excolotis is struttin round lookin fo' suttin' ta fight, n' somehow manages ta convince his ass ta help dem up n' turn tha monstas n' raidaz tha fuck into his own underground ding-a-ling sleeve biiiatches.”

“What happens next is tha bloodiest part of Second Equestrian history.”

“Under Excolotis, tha ponies is turned tha fuck into da most thugged-out brutal, hard core mutha fuckers up in existence. Da territory of Equestria doublez up in bout fifteen muthafuckin years as he leadz Equestria ta victory afta victory, crushing, subjugating, or annihilatin every last muthafuckin thang they came across up in a funky-ass bid ta create a freshly smoked up empire built on tha bloody corpsez of anythang retarded enough ta stand up in they way.”

“Meanwhile, on tha other side of tha central channel, tha gryphons had concentrated tha fuck into they own empire, under Marbod, mackdaddy of tha Marcomanni. They then busted all dem playaz over towardz Equestria, back when tha mackdaddydom was near what tha fuck is now Deutschland. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! They set theyselves up; raidin parties, villages, n' eyries croppin up like mushrooms all tha way over there, n' Equestria gots tha fuck into border disputes wit Marcomann from time ta time.”

“Everything’s goin along mo' or less violently wit tha occasionizzle dispute as gryphons pick off tha occasionizzle lone pony fo' dinner n' shit. Border disputes keep goin on from time ta time, lil' small-ass skirmishes n' tha usual shiznit fo' realz. Anyway, dis goes on fo' on some hundred or so muthafuckin years until tha dragon migration. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Now tha big-ass problem was dat right between tha Badlands, also known as tha Dragon Hatchin Grounds, n' tha two phattest dragon realms all up in tha time, was Equestria.”

“Three guesses as ta what tha fuck happened next, first two don’t count.”

“Equestria endz up a tokin ruin, wit nearly every last muthafuckin major hood a tokin fuck up in n' of itself, so Celestia n' Luna say it’s time ta pack up n' move. Now there was a lil' bit of a gangbangin' finger-lickin' dispute as ta whoz ass should go where, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho fo' realz. Add ta dat tha fact dat vast numberz of ponies was scattered, n' you’ve gots one massive clusta fuck. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So somewhere up in tha crew of bout seven hundred ponies start ta wander off up in a random direction: directly towardz Marbod.”

“Da gryphons, fo' whatever reason, take exception ta that, and... n' brutally murdered em. They capped nearly all of them; ripped tha corpses apart, n' they nailed tha headz ta trees. Da corpses was scattered over three square kilometres. Da handful of survivors whoz ass crawled back ta Equestria on a river of blood n' intestines holla'd at bone-chillin storiez of crazy slaughter �" brutally butchered ponies whoz ass was tryin ta surrender on tha battlefield, ambushed by a endless sea of warriors armed wit gigantic fuckin axes. Those ponies unlucky enough ta be taken kickin it was thrown down n' jacked apart on stone altars as offerings ta tha godz or thrown up in spike pits fo' shits n' giggles.”

“Excolotis was tha straight-up original gangsta ta find tha survivors.”

“Dude flipped tha fuck out, I mean straight-up lost it, n' went tha fuck into tha uncharted wildernizz of Germany on a gangbangin' four year vengeizzle campaign aimed at three thangs �" First, ta find tha joint of tha massacred n' bury tha bodiez of tha fallen. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Second, ta brang dem responsible back ta Equestria, n' Third, ta bust a cap up in as nuff of tha Marcomanni as was possible, until all dat remained of tha tribez of Marcomann was a gigantic lake of blood stretchin from one end of tha ghetto ta tha other.”

“Shortly afta settin off, his schmoooove ass came across tha joint of tha massacre. Da first thang Excolotis saw when he gots there was tha lil present tha Gryphons had left fo' him: tha skulls nailed ta tha tree trunks all up in tha forest.”

“Excolotis took down tha skulls, collected tha bonez of tha dead, performed tha last rites on tha bodies, n' buried tha ponies wit full military honours”

“Then he gots straight-up pissed.”

“Dude went tha fuck into tha landz of tha Marsi tribe yo. Dude routed dem on tha battlefield, chased dem back ta they ghettos, then burned down they ghettos n' massacred every last muthafuckin cock, hen, n' chick his schmoooove ass could find. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Then he beat down tha Chatti, n' did pretty much tha same thang, burnin every last muthafuckin settlement up in tha entire region n' then bustin up his thugged-out ass off while overlookin tha charred remains fo' realz. After dat he marched against tha Cherusci, tha mastermindz behind tha massacre fo' realz. After a gangbangin' fierce battle, Excolotis drove tha chizzletain Arminius from tha field, captured his homeland, n' took Arminius as a prisoner n' shiznit yo. Dude then marched all tha way back ta Celestia n' Luna wit his thugged-out lil' prisoner up in tow ta wait fo' whatever passed fo' justice back then.”

Arminius stared as he peeped his hood burn, so check it before ya wreck it. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Da ponies had busted volley afta volley of bouldaz coated up in burnin pitch. Dat shiznit was obvious they was not takin his fuckin lands. This was extermination. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Da gryphon warlord sat down on a stool as his squire used a cold-ass lil cloth n' bucket of gin n juice ta clean tha blood from a long-ass dizzle of fightin fo' realz. Armed gryphons ran past him, they voices raised up in shoutin as tha ponies came all up in tha inner gatez of tha keep time n' time again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch fo' realz. Already, tha walls was breached, n' dat shiznit was only a matter of time before tha hood fell. Da squire held up a mirror fo' Arminius ta peep his dirty ass up in a mirror, as tha keep shook wit another pimped out impact.

His breast plate shone, tha golden engravings showin tha sigilz of his house, a golden lion against a gangbangin' field of flames yo. His gauntlets n' spauldaz was up in place, held tight ta his body wit leather straps.

Dude hefted his wild lil' freakadelic pimped out sword from its holda on his back, a funky-ass black nightmare of a funky-ass blade easily as long as da thug was n' nearly a talon’s span wide forged from Dragon’s Glass, a tough materiel made from tha remainz of a gangbangin' field afta a thugged-out dragon was done burnin it ta tha ground nearly one hundred muthafuckin years ago.

His bracers fitted over his wild lil' fore arms, though his cold-ass talons was uncovered. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Rearin back onto his hind legs, Arminius checked tha fauldz dat protected his hips n' tha half greaves on his hairy-ass legs dat was keepin blades from touchin his wild lil' flesh.

Squarin his shoulders, Arminius stepped up onto tha battlements on his thugged-out lil' paws as a pimped out crash echoed up from tha stairs, soon joined by tha roar n' crash of battle fo' realz. A few secondz later a pair of ponies ran up tha stairs up in mail armour, they spears held up n' ready.

Da first lunged at his ass wit tha spear, n' Arminius stepped aside n' took tha haft, snappin it outta tha pony’s grip n' bustin it along tha stone walls. Da pony took a dirt nap up in a single overhead blow, his wild lil' freakadelic guts slippin up from his shattered torso.

Da second pony jabbed wit his spear, keepin Arminius away wit its reach. Da gryphon warlord moved fast, though, n' wit a single lunge moved past tha spear n' almost sliced tha pony up in half wit a upwardz swing, bustin a red spray onto his beaked face.

Arminius wiped off tha blood n' stared over tha tokin ruinz of his home as tha sound of battle continued until dat schmoooove muthafucka heard tha clank of sabatons comin up tha stairs.

Dude turned, n' looked up tha fuck into tha grill of a Dogg.

Excolotis glared at Arminius all up in his cold-ass twin visor helm, his wild lil' fuckin eyes kept dark behind a thin sight. Without a word, he lifted up a funky-ass black bronze kite shield up ta cover his body n' hairy-ass legs as his bangin right arm came back tha fuck into a stabbin pose wit a funky-ass blue tinted straight sword.

Arminius looked up at Excolotis, whoz ass was only a head talla than his muthafuckin ass. “Wieso?” he asked, tears formin up in his wild lil' fuckin eyes, “Wieso hast du das getan, biatch? Womit haben wir das verdient?”

“Womit basebizzle cap Golden Seed es verdient zu sterben?” axed Excolotis, rage makin his voice shake, “Womit basebizzle cap sie es verdient, geköpft und aneinen Baum genagelt zu werden, biatch? Womit basebizzle cap ihr Ehemann verdient zu sterben, aufgeschnitten auf einem Altar für unsere falschen Götter, biatch? Womit basebizzle cap ihre Tochter, Black Iron, eine der besten Waffenschmiede take a thugged-out dirtnap ich jeh gesehen oder trainiert habe, es verdient, von deinen Gryphons auseinandergerissen zu werden, nicht eine Woche nachdem sie ihren Schönheitsfleck bekommen hat, biatch? Wenn du mir das sagen kannst, dann werde ich take a thugged-out dirtnap sagen warum ich hierhergekommen bin!”

Arminius stayed silent.

"Es kann keine Vergebung geben für das, was du getan hast." Excolotis continued, "Für all die, take a thugged-out dirtnap du getötet und abgeschlachtet hast werde ich dich töten und deinen Kopf auf einen Speer stecken."

“Was ist mit Celestia?” axed Arminius, “Wird sie nicht von deinen Aktionen entäuscht sein?”

“Celestia ist nicht hier playa! Ich bin es!” Excolotis holla'd. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! “Stirb und sei verdammt gryphon!”

Arminius roared, n' swung his wild lil' freakadelic pimped out sword wit two talons over his bangin right shoulder, only fo' Excolotis ta tilt tha kite shield n' make tha pimped out blade slide off fo' realz. Arminius hefted up his blade again, n' swung over his fuckin left shoulder n' shit. This time though, Excolotis swept up tha shield, catchin tha blade n' bustin it further on its path than was intended, Arminius ridin' dirty afta tha massive weapon.

Arminius cursed his wild lil' fatal mistake.

Before Arminius could react n' erect his balance, Excolotis stepped forwardz n' ta tha right, bustin his sword arm curvin towardz Arminius’ unprotected armpit. Da cloth did not a god damn thang ta stop tha blade, n' tha sword slid between tha gryphon’s ribs n' all up in both lungs, missin tha ass by a hair’s breath.

Arminius opened his beak without a sound as tha Battle God’s blade slid up again, fallin onto his wild lil' front as he felt his fuckin lungs fill. Pickin his dirty ass up onto his cold-ass talons, Arminius coughed n' spluttered like a thugged-out drownin playa as tha pimpin' muthafucka tried ta empty his fuckin lungz of blood. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I be fly as a gangbangin' falcon, soarin all up in tha sky dawwwwg! Excolotis stood over him, n' placed tha tip of his sword between tha gryphon warlord’s neck vertebrae, pushin down wit all his weight ta sever tha spine n' windpipe.

Da blade was stained a thugged-out dark red when dat shiznit was drawn from Arminius’ neck.

As Excolotis flicked his sword towardz tha ground ta git rid of tha excess blood on his blade, a crew of ponies clad up in armour ran up ta him, tha clankin n' rustlin of they Hauberks, Capeline helms n' brown oiled cloaks announcin they presence long before they arrived.

Excolotis strutted all up in tha burnin remainz of tha hood, ponies herdin gryphons towardz open ground, where they was given shovels n' holla'd at ta dig.

“Sir!”

Excolotis turned ta peep his second up in command, Vigilance. Vigilance’s fur was a funky-ass solid white, as was aiiight fo' tha guardz yo. His mail Hauberk was hidden behind tha oiled cloak worn by all tha guard. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! For a time, Celestia had wanted Arminius ta wear different coloured armour yo, but Excolotis had insisted on a simple crested helm ta mark his ass as a fool up in tha mad drama of battle. Dat shiznit was mo' practical than makin entirely freshly smoked up suitz of armour just fo' all dem ponies.

“Our thugged-out asses have secured tha town, n' our crazy asses have taken prisoners.” holla'd Vigilance, “All dat is left is tha young, tha old, n' tha weak. Everyone whoz ass resisted is dead as fuckin fried chicken.”

“Everythang be aiiiight then,” holla'd Excolotis, “Continue ta obey orders.”

“...What is we ta do wit tha prisoners, My fuckin Lord?” axed Vigilance.

“Same as before,” holla'd Excolotis, “Extermination. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Monstas like fuckin these do not deserve ta live.”

Vigilizzle nodded n' called ta tha ponies by tha pits, n' you can put dat on yo' toast. They snatched tha shovels away n' dragged tha Gryphons over ta tha lip of tha pit. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Some put up a gangbangin' fight yo, but most stumbled after, numb wit fear fo' realz. An coffin dodgin' gryphon, feathers turnin grey wit age, tried ta flee, takin ta her wings.

“Godz forsaken...” cursed Excolotis, “Archers! Brin down dat monster!”

A few Pegasus turned they bows, trackin tha oldschool gryphon as she flew hard n' fast, before turnin her tha fuck into a pincushion. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Da gryphon twisted as she fell, comin ta a sudden stop as dat freaky freaky biatch hit tha ground wit a cold-ass lil crunch; red n' purple fluid thrown from her fucked up body from tha force of her impact.

Da other ponies held up they straight swords, rollin tha iron blades all up in tha Gryphons n' bustin dem tumblin tha fuck into tha pit. Not even tha hatchlings was spared, snatched from beatboxin mothers fo' they throats ta be slit n' thrown onto tha pit, tha bodiez of they muthafathas followin soon after.

Excolotis turned from tha massacre, his wild lil' fuckin eyes cold, n' stalked tha fuck into tha camp fo' realz. As da perved-out muthafucka strode tha fuck into his cold-ass tent, he removed his helm, puttin it on tha table as da thug strutted past. Vigilizzle ran tha fuck into tha tent soon after, red up in tha grill n' rage up in his wild lil' fuckin eyes.

“Sir, I’ve followed you willingly yo, but our crazy asses have our vengeance!” holla'd Vigilance, “I swore ta protect tha innocent, not slaughter hatchlings like this muthafucka! This aint war!”

“Yo ass is erect, Vigilance,” snarled Excolotis, “This aint war, it is pest eradication! These... vermin... must take a thugged-out dirt nap. If our slick asses leave dem be they will build they rats nests all over again, n' fifty muthafuckin years from now they is ghon be breakin down our doors muthafucka! We must destroy them, or they will destroy us!”

“This isn’t what tha fuck we was meant ta do!” shouted Vigilance.

Excolotis n' Vigilizzle stared at each other, tha tension up in tha tent growin thick.

“Vigilance,” holla'd Excolotis, “Yo ass is right. This aint what tha fuck we is meant ta do. Our Asses thugs was meant ta do pimped outer thangs than this. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So what tha fuck do our phat asses do, biatch? Nothing, biatch? Let tha ghetto move on, biatch? Let our playas be slaughtered by monstas n' murderers, biatch? Is we ta do not a god damn thang yo, but wrin our hooves n' say, ‘we is not meant ta do anythang bout it’?!”

“We is defendaz of Equestria! Da saviourz of its playas biaaatch! And we must do these foul n' shitty thangs, cuz if our phat asses do not, dat atrocitizzle up in tha forest will happen again, n' again, until every last muthafuckin thang you know n' ludd is gone biaaatch! We bust a cap up in n' slaughter fo' our crews, so far away; our phat asses do such thangs dat will stain our souls, our phat asses do thangs dat make tha ghetto denounce our asses as monsters, n' our phat asses do these thangs gladly, so dat our lil pimps n' our children’s lil pimps never have to!”

“If tha ghetto is watching, then let it watch! For when they peep what tha fuck was done here, nothing, not Gryphons, not Dragons, not anything, is ghon be thinkin it smart-ass ta fuck wit our asses eva again! Now let’s finish up, n' then bounce back ta tha doggy den. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. This is tha last hood we will burn, I promise yo thugged-out ass.”

“But...” Vigilizzle stammered, “But tha Princesses...”

“We done been playaz fo' how tha fuck long now?” holla'd Excolotis, bendin down ta peep vigilizzle up in his blue eyes, “Trust mah dirty ass. When we is done here, whatever filth is left is ghon be too frightened ta come afta our asses fo' realz. And If tha Princesses disagree, then they is not fit ta rule.”

“Yo ass would rule all up in fear n' terror then!” holla'd Vigilance, “What happened ta yo slick ass, biatch? Yo ass aint tha Lord dat I swore ta follow, you was once a playa of honour; not some...”

Excolotis swung his wild lil' fist, crackin vigilizzle across his wild lil' grill n' bustin a strang of blood flyin across tha tent. Vigilizzle fell onto his side from tha force of tha blow n' looked up wit fear all up in tha towerin giant.

“Question me again, Vigilance,” holla'd Excolotis, “And I bea bust a cap up in you where you stand.”

Vigilizzle trembled as his thugged-out lil' punk-ass backed away from tha Battle Dogg. Though he prayed dat dat shiznit was a trick of tha candle light, his schmoooove ass could have sworn dat tha eyez of his Lord had flashed red...

“I can’t believe dat Excolotis would do suttin' like that,” holla'd Twilight, “I can’t believe anypony would do suttin' like that!”

“Well don’t worry bout that,” holla'd Spider script, “Turns out, it wasn’t straight-up his wild lil' fault. There was another monsta there up in his head. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Dat shiznit was Excolotis, plus one. Da same fuck knob would show up later, n' take Luna. I be thinkin you know dat biiiatch as tha Nightmare.”

“This monsta fed on anger, rage, jealously, n' all tha other wack emotions. When Excolotis was goin all up in Marcomann he must of done been taken as a host by tha Nightmare at some point, though nopony knows when it happened exactly. But that’s beside tha point.”

“Excolotis returns wit his thugged-out lil' prisoner up in tow, n' presents Arminius fo' sentencin fo' realz. Arminius drops some lyrics ta tha bizzatchez of Excolotis’ crimes, n' they confronted his ass bout dat shit. Excolotis flew tha fuck into a rage thankin dat dat schmoooove muthafucka had been betrayed, n' gets tha fuck into a gangbangin' fight wit em.”

“What?” Twilight holla'd.

“Excolotis,” Luna holla'd, her royal Canterlot voice boomin all up in tha room, “Yo ass have committed atrocitizzles beyond even what tha fuck we would find abominable. Yo crazy-ass wack n' evil ways have doomed you, n' you have pissed tha fuck off us; we believed you ta be mo' betta than this!”

“I don’t understand,” holla'd Excolotis, “My fuckin tactics was perfect, tha thangs up in dis biatch: undeniable. We straight-up annihilated tha enemy wit less than forty cement casualtizzles against a gangbangin' force dat outnumbered our asses by sixteen ta one. This was oldschool fashioned conquest; a cold-ass lil complete n' total victory. Don’t be weak! Be phat enough ta trip off tha notoriety n' tha juice n' tha wealth of bein da most thugged-out bangin force up in tha lands!”

Excolotis, bustin his wild lil' full plate wit double visor shut tight, stood up in a big-ass oval chamber; solid, fluted pillarz of stone holdin up tha ceiling, wit light shinin up in all up in detailed glass windows, each one showin tha history of Second Equestria. In tha exact centre was a big-ass statue of stone, mo' of a pedestal, upon which rested six orbs set up in a gangbangin' hustla round a cold-ass lil central plinth. Each orb had a cold-ass lil coloured gem set up in tha middle; glowin softly wit intense magical juice n' shit. Dat shiznit was up in front of dis dat Excolotis stood, n' da thug was not aiiight yo. Dude stank of rotten eggs, da thug was covered up in dust n' mud, n' his cloak was stained.

Around tha room stood tha Royal Guard, wit they armour shinin silver n' they polished gold n' steel halberds. Their gold thread cloaks hung round they fetlocks n' underneath, tha shiftin of Bechter plates could be seen. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Their Barbutes was over they heads, n' what tha fuck lil of they faces could be peeped behind tha slits was resolute n' stern.

Opposite him, on top of a raised platform, stood Celestia n' Luna. To say dat they was not aiiight be a shitload like sayin tha sun is hot. Well shiiiit, it be accurate yo, but it don’t like explain just how tha fuck mad salty tha royal sistas were.

“Yo ass have committed a atrocitizzle beyond lyrics,” holla'd Celestia, “If you be thinkin dat you was actin up in our dopest interest, then I do not know whether ta be pissed tha fuck off or mad salty.”

“Yo ass is here on trail fo' tha unwarranted slaughter of countless innocents!” holla'd Luna, “Yo crazy-ass Legate, Vigilance, has agreed ta reprazent against yo thugged-out ass yo. His word is ghon be heard.”

Da doors opened, n' two guardz hustled up in Vigilizzle yo. Dude did not wear his thugged-out armour n' his white coat was neatly groomed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! When tha guardz hustled tha Legate tha fuck into tha room, they bowed n' turned, shuttin tha doors behind em.

“Legate Vigilance,” holla'd Celestia, “What tha fuck iz tha nature of Excolotis’ crimes?”

“I aint certain what tha fuck you mean,” holla'd Vigilance, “could you please specify, Yo crazy-ass Grace?”

“Excolotis has been accused of marchin a gangbangin' force of nearly twenty thousand of tha Equestrian Guard tha fuck into Marcomann.” holla'd Luna, “Dude be accused of instigatin genocizzle n' tha burnin n' razin of countless ghettos.”

“Dude did,” holla'd Vigilance, “Dude dragged up tha hens, n' took tha eggs, n' smashed dem upon tha ground, n' when da thug was done, dat schmoooove muthafucka had dem butchered like muthafuckas yo. Dude covered they corpses up in pitch, n' had dem burned up in trenches yo. Dude did not spare any of em yo. Dude ordered tha slaughter of any gryphons his schmoooove ass came across. Chicks n' cocks like a muthafucka yo. Dude had tha sick dragged outta they bedz n' jacked ta pieces.”

“Some tried ta run yo, but under his ordaz our crazy asses hunted dem down n' capped dem like a muthafucka. Many of dem was beggin fo' our mercy yo, but Excolotis, da ruffneck didn’t listen. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. By his word, we capped dem all. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Some barred they doors n' hid up in they houses, n' by his word we barricaded tha entrances n' set tha thatch alight.”

“Da testimony from yo' Legate is damning,” holla'd Luna, “accordin ta him, you ordered tha execution of playa haters, playa hatas whoz ass did not fight back! Yo ass butchered they young, you slaughter they oldschool hommie biaaatch! There is no lyrics fo' what tha fuck you did, n' it is unforgivable!”

“Da punish... tha punish...” Celestia gagged, n' stepped away from Excolotis, fannin tha air up in front of her nozzle wit a hoof. “What tha fuck iz dat smell, biatch? It smells like week oldschool eggs, which have rotted all up in they shells!”

Excolotis stepped forwards, rollin Celestia back wit his stench. “Yo ass would judge me?” da perved-out muthafucka snarled, “I done did it cuz dat shiznit was needed hommie biaaatch! Those monstas did not deserve ta live; I did you a gangbangin' favour by exterminatin they misbegotten n' foul kind!”

“Dum diddy-dum, here I come biaaatch! Who tha fuck is you ta judge me!, biatch? I peep you fo' what tha fuck you straight-up is biaaatch! Yo ass is pathetic! Nothang but a useless snivellin lump of meat son! Not even fit ta rule!” Excolotis roared, materialisin a funky-ass black broadsword n' kite shield.

“Excolotis!” Luna shouted, “What do you be thinkin yo ass is bustin, biatch? Yo ass seek ta betray us?”

Excolotis roared, n' lunged forwardz wit his blade. Celestia ducked n' wit her win batted aside Excolotis’ arm, bustin it wide. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch then shifted ta her right expectin Excolotis ta sweep left wit his shield n' git some distizzle between dem as usual yo, but what tha fuck da ruffneck did next surprised her muthafuckin ass.

Excolotis, instead of tryin ta brang up his fuckin lil' defence, swept his sword ta tha far left, snarlin like a funky-ass beast. Celestia skirted backwards, tryin ta dodge tha blow yo, but still gots a red line across her chest which fuckin started ta weep red.

“Sister!’ roared Luna, leapin forwardz upon her wings n' knockin Excolotis off balizzle as dat thugged-out biiiatch crashed tha fuck into his ass like a meteor. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Excolotis roared like a funky-ass berserker, n' jacked back towardz Luna wit a funky-ass backhanded strike, tha blade whistlin over her head n' rollin up sparks as it sliced along her horn.

Da Royal Guardz ran forwards, they silver n' gold halberdz all up in tha ready.

Celestia, seein a opening, struck forwardz wit all her might n' busted Excolotis soarin all up in tha air. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Da Battle Dogg landed on his wild lil' feet, yet still slid back across tha floor, his sabatons raisin sparks as they scraped across tha grey stone.

With a roar, da ruffneck discarded tha shield, n' ran forwardz wit both handz on his sword, jackin n' slashin all up in tha guardz like a madman. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Da guard ducked n' parried his thugged-out arms wit they weapons, tryin desperately ta stay ahead of tha ferocious Battle Dogg. Excolotis cut dem down up in crewz of one n' two, his sword slashin n' hacking, bustin limbs n' fucked up bodies crashin ta tha ground.

Vigilant, a jacked halberd held high as da perved-out muthafucka sought ta protect his thugged-out lil' bizzatch, moved forwards. Excolotis did not even break stride as Vigilizzle stepped between his ass n' tha bizzatches, simply lettin tha blade slide off his thugged-out armour n' all up in his bangin robes as da perved-out muthafucka stepped forwardz n' cut off tha Legate’s head wit a single sweep.

Luna shouted, n' ran forwardz again.

Excolotis kicked it wit tha Night Biatch’s charge.

And fo' Celestia, tha ghetto slowed as tha black blade blasted forwards, n' lodged itself deep up in Luna’s chest.

Celestia screamed up in rage n' pain, as she peeped Excolotis draw his blade from Luna’s chest.

Bitch froze up in grief as Excolotis turned ta peep her, his wild lil' fuckin eyes glowin red from within his helm.

Bitch cried as her big-ass booty saw Luna try ta git up, her game flowin from her chest up in red spurts.

Bitch snarled up in rage as Excolotis ran forwardz n' raised his sword over his head.

Bitch charged her horn wit magic...

...and blasted tha Battle Dogg tha fuck into tha far wall.

Burst afta burst slammed tha fuck into Excolotis, n' tha sound of crashin armour rang all up in tha hall. Celestia couldn’t peep any mo' fo' tha tears, couldn’t think; all she knew was dat dat biiiiatch was goin ta crush tha game outta Excolotis.

Dat shiznit was all dem secondz before she realised dat one of mah thugs was shoutin her name.

“...Celestia! Celestia!” Celestia turned, still pinnin Excolotis ta tha wall, n' almost lost control of her magic when her big-ass booty saw Luna struttin unsteadily towardz tha podium up in tha middle of tha room; Celestia’s ass tearin up in her chest as her big-ass booty saw her sista bleeding.

“Da Elements, sister,” holla'd Luna, “They is our only chizzle ta restore Excolotis ta us!”

Celestia looked back at Excolotis, whoz ass was still snarlin like a wild animal. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack. Everythang dat freaky freaky biatch had known bout tha Dogg was nearly gone, n' there was still dat stench of... sulphur... Celestia blinked. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Biatch should of have peeped it earlier n' shit. Well shiiiit, it wasn’t Excolotis yo, but suttin' else ridin his wild lil' flesh... suttin' dat tha Elementz of Harmony could defeat playa!

“Yes yes y'all... yeaaaa dat be a slick plan!’ holla'd Celestia, “Brin dem over ta us muthafucka! Quickly!”

“Kind of a shocker isn’t it?” holla'd Spider, “But it wasn’t just his muthafuckin ass. Da Nightmare was up in his head, pushin his ass on towardz conflict n' violins. Under its influence, Excolotis decided dat his schmoooove ass could rule tha ghetto mo' betta than tha bizzatches, n' tries ta take tha throne. Luckily, back then they had tha Elements up in tha throne room wit them, so they struck at his ass wit tha Elements, banishin tha Nightmare n' bustin it beatboxin tha fuck into tha shadows ta resurface nearly three thousand muthafuckin years later.”

“Excolotis, now freed from his cold-ass torment, came ta realise what tha fuck dat schmoooove muthafucka had done yo. Dude broke down n' wept like a freshly smoked up born, beggin forgivenizz n' makin apologies ta tha bizzatches. But fuck dat shiznit yo, tha word on tha street is dat tha damage had been done. Da griffins knew what tha fuck tha Battle Dogg had done, n' so they came up in force, lookin fo' blood.”

“Excolotis knew dat dat schmoooove muthafucka had betrayed his wild lil' playas, so he done cooked up a suggestion. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. To be turned tha fuck into stone n' declared a traitor so dat tha Princesses would be spared tha griffin’s rage.”

Vigilance’s head had rolled tha fuck into a gangbangin' far corner of tha room, his crazy-ass mane tussled n' stickin up in all directions; at least where it wasn’t matted down wit blood. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I be fly as a gangbangin' falcon, soarin all up in tha sky dawwwwg! A pair of gauntlets reached down, n' picked up tha decapitated head, brushin tha wet, red stained mane outta Vigilance’s eyes.

All round tha room, guardz n' apothecaries ran about, tryin ta stabilise tha wounded n' tendin ta tha dead as fuckin fried chicken. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Excolotis had no guards, Celestia assurin dem dat da thug was no threat, n' dat tha dark shiznit had passed.

“Sister,” holla'd Luna, her torso covered up in bandages n' healin salves, “What do our phat asses do?”

“Just rest, Luna,” holla'd Celestia, “I bea take care of tha mackdaddydom whilst yo ass is wounded.”

Luna nodded n' lay down on her side, healaz tryin ta keep her awake n' tendin ta her n' shit. Celestia her muthafuckin ass strutted over ta Excolotis, whoz ass was still kneeling, starin all up in tha head up in his hands.

“Excolotis,” holla'd Celestia, “Da Gryphons may return up in force seekin vengeance, I need you ta be locked n loaded fo' invasion.”

Excolotis did not move, still starin blankly at Vigilance’s head.

“Excolotis!” shouted Celestia, “Wake biaaatch! Yo ass must help our asses again!”

Celestia moved under Excolotis ta peep his ass up in tha face, not hard thankin bout Excolotis’ height, “EXCOLOTIS!”

“I...” Excolotis stammered, “Celestia...”

“Excolotis,” holla'd Celestia, “Talk ta me!”

“I...” Excolotis stammered, lookin over at Luna, “Oh gods...”

“Excolotis,” Celestia snapped, grabbin Excolotis wit her magic, “Yo ass must focus muthafucka! Look at me! What you did was not yo' fault; you was possessed!”

Celestia pried open Excolotis’ double visor, n' frowned at his wild lil' grill yo. His eyes was already reddening, n' da thug was openly bustin up. Celestia curled her lip up in disgust as a line of mucus ran down his wild lil' face. “Oh gods...” da perved-out muthafucka holla'd, “What... oh Gods...”

“Excolotis,” holla'd Celestia, “we need you ta pull yo ass together!”

“Dude was mah dopest playa,” holla'd Excolotis, “Dude was mah sworn brother... n' I capped his muthafuckin ass...”

“Damn you then,” holla'd Celestia, trottin over ta Luna, “Luna, is you still strong?”

Luna looked up from where she lay, “I be fine, sister,” her big-ass booty holla'd, ‘Da blade slid between mah insides. Yet I feel dat I be dirty ta be here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho fo' realz. A lil mo' ta tha left, n' I doubt I would be here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho yo. How tha fuck is Excolotis?”

“Dude has... been struck down.” holla'd Celestia, “I cannot git his ass ta rap sense yo. Dude knows how tha fuck ta treat dis injury, do he not?”

“I aint certain,” holla'd Luna, “But do not fear, sister, I aint dat weak. I bea mend doggystyle.”

“What do our phat asses do bout tha Gryphons?” holla'd Celestia, “They done been wronged n' will look fo' vengeance.”

“Surely Excolotis can fight them,” holla'd Luna, “Dude did, afta all, succeed up in dat crazy campaign, even wit that... thang up in his skull.”

“Dude aint gonna drop a rhyme ta me,” holla'd Celestia, “But I bea try again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Rest, dear sister, I bea peep if I can break tha melancholy on his crazy-ass mind.”

Again, Celestia trotted over ta Excolotis, side steppin round a maid as her big-ass booty scrubbed all up in tha bloody floor. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Dat shiznit was dunkadelic how tha fuck well tha cleanin staff was arranged. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Celestia done cooked up a menstrual note ta praise her sista fo' her bureaucracy work. But dat biiiiatch was wounded, n' needed ta be kept safe.

“Excolotis,” holla'd Celestia, “Awaken, tha foe be at our doors n' you must fend dem off!”

“I... I...” Excolotis slurred as da perved-out muthafucka slowly stood, “...how can I...”

“EXCOLOTIS,” shouted Celestia, “Yo ass be a Dogg of Battle playa! Yo ass is slick up in yo' form! There is no warriors pimped outer than you, nahmean biiiatch, biatch? Yo ass have protected our landz fo' over a hundred years muthafucka! Yo ass can, n' will, protect our asses again! What do our phat asses do bout tha gryphons muthafucka! How tha fuck will they react ta yo' behaviour, biatch? Think!”

“They... They will come fo' vengeance...” holla'd Excolotis, lookin down at his Nikes.

“Exactly!” holla'd Celestia, ‘So you must awaken, n' bust up our armies ta defend our lands!”

“I... I cannot...” holla'd Excolotis “I...”

“Yo ass is tha Dogg of War,” Celestia roared, “there is not a god damn thang you can do up in tha field of battle biaaatch! Yo ass hustled a army against a gangbangin' force dat outnumbered you ten ta one n' crushed dem beneath yo' feet son! Yo ass can do this!”

“I cannot!’ Excolotis sobbed, “No one can! I used Blitzkrieg tactics against them! They was disorganised n' isolationist!”

“I don’t understand,” holla'd Celestia, “how can you not defend tha realms?”

“Which is tha bigger number, Celestia?” axed Excolotis, “One or five?”

Celestia blinked, “Five, of course yo, but I do not understand...”

“Five,” holla'd Excolotis holdin up his hand, spread up tha fuck into a star shape, “One.” Excolotis continued, holdin up tha other hand up in a gangbangin' fist. “One army, one group, one dedicated force wit one goal n' one mind can crush five equal armies if tha armies is separate n' disheartened. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! That is how tha fuck I bested tha gryphons.”

“But our crazy asses have mighty fortresses,” holla'd Celestia, “We can dopest em.”

“So we crawl tha fuck into our fortresses n' hide whist tha Gryphons fly round n' destroy, pillage, n' slaughter our mackdaddydom?” axed Excolotis, “How tha fuck long until we starve up in our walls, wit nopony ta tend tha crops, biatch? A war like what tha fuck you fear will cripple us.”

“So what tha fuck do our phat asses do?” axed Celestia, “I do not be thinkin dat we can work up our differences so doggystyle.”

“To win dis war we must make tha Gryphons either unable or unwillin ta fight.” holla'd Excolotis, “Do you have any ideas?”

Celestia fell silent, n' looked all up in tha floor.

“Yo ass have a idea, do you not?” Excolotis asked.

“I have one.” holla'd Celestia, “A scapegoat, a sucka ta blame. You, Excolotis. Our thugged-out asses hand you over ta tha Gryphons n' we is spared.”

“What?” holla'd Excolotis, “That aint guaranteed!”

“Do you have any other ideas?” axed Celestia, “But yo big-ass booty is ghon be turned ta stone so dat they cannot harm you, it is mo' betta if our phat asses do dat shit. Do not worry, if there be any danger, I bea reverse tha spell.”

Excolotis snarled, pacin round tha room. “Straight-up well,” da perved-out muthafucka holla'd, “But tha moment you can negotiate mah release, do so. I do not wish ta be a statue fo' a thousand years!”

“I be certain dat I can do it up in no less than three hundred.” holla'd Celestia.

“I bea git freaky wit yo' word.” holla'd Excolotis.

“So Excolotis sacrificed his dirty ass...” started Twilight.

“To protect his wild lil' playas, yes.” finished Spider n' shit. “And it worked, tha griffins was placated, n' Celestia fuckin started ta plead his bangin release. But griffins is slow ta forgive, n' they didn’t forget.”

“Is it oldschool fact, though?” axed Twilight, “It do seems a funky-ass bit... sparse on tha details.”

“It’s what tha fuck happened,” holla'd Spider, “It’s tha real deal.”

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