Apr
9th
2013
I'm Sorry... · 3:23am Apr 9th, 2013
Look, I'm really sorry, I want to post stories again, but there's a ton of stress, between an absurd amount amount of legal crap regarding custody of my younger sister, the fights in the family, job troubles, and mental blocks that are really screwing up my writing, I'm having a tough time finding the ability to focus enough to even drag myself out of bed some mornings because I don't want to deal with this...v
I'm sorry, I'm trying, I really am.
Lost And Tired,
Roxxi
That is completely, 100% understandable and I seriously wish you the best, we, your fans shall be waiting for you
But DAMN, have not seen you in so long
A smart man once said that we set ourselves too easy, when we haven't anything more to say in tempestuous times than that when the storm is long past the ocean is flat again.
However, he said that about economists and not humans in general, so I still could cut that down to everything will be fine, trust me.
And maybe I just would do that, if I had a better sense for humans. And girls. I have an TERRIBLE sense for girls. Anyways, I'm just me, and thus...
...follow me to where hopes die...
...and your dreams will learn to fly...
...where no light flows on paths unknown...
...and no false pride has to be shown.
Bad lyric is the best way to start such a thing, isn't it?
I am not sure whether I should call unworldliness a friend or an enemy in this case. A really interesting question, now that I am facing it. Being alive, a creature, living matter (live matters, haha) comes on a prize of course. I refer to earlier mails here, drain and exhaustion have the whole magic of life inside as beauty, peace and creating. Being death, cold, unloved, doesn't drain, it's perfect. But for us, the living, being non-perfect, always pending between exhaustion and epiphany, is the biggest privilege we have. I beg you, spot fighting emotionally against your environment. You're alive! You can enjoy all of this in it's purest form! What shall stop you from this? You may not always can immediately perform the action you want, but who ever could do this? In Buddhism, it's said that Buddha transformed incoming spears and arrows into flowers, Lotus if I'm not mistaken, only by his will. Now, many people think that religions are big bullshit. But in they core, they are just for the one thing we all want: peace and luck! All of them. Maybe this metaphor can apply to your special case. Yes, you are facing an amount of problems there. Yes, that's exhausting for sure. But, with all of them, you are a human, and you still keep the longing to write up. Don't grasp for the relief as for an invisible god that's around, near and far away at the same time, but be the relief. I think you have the potential for that. When you push yourself further, don't think of it as an force against enemies, trying to keep on your feet, but as another step as a human. You can become perfect any time you want, but this taste of warm blood, it's just wonderful. That burning sensation in your head, crying. I think relief is not a worthy solution. But being a pulsing personality who is in harmony with her heart, is something you should go for. Because I believe you have the potential inside. A rare spark to be found.
Don't get up to deal with this. Get up to be alive, no matter what comes, no matter what's foreshadowed.
In other news... You have to be lost for certain to find a place that cannot be found. Elseways, everyone would know where it was. And how many know where true luck lies? There's an interesting equality between being lost and being free.
Leave the darkness, resignation to broken souls as I am.
Everything will be fine.
Carpe noctem,
--Chaodiurn