An Obligatory Blog, on the First of April · 6:48pm Apr 1st, 2013
Guys. I have a confession to make.
I'm completely heterosexual.
I pretend to be gay online, because what once started as a joke has escalated into something that I no longer have control of. I was afraid to backpedal and explain myself at the time, and have been desperately trying to keep up with the lie ever since. I'm afraid to tell the truth, because I believe it will shatter the faith that anyone has of my integrity. I feel that my online friends would begin to question the truthfulness of my words from then on, and I would never be able to figuratively look them in the eyes again.
And there's... more to it.
Pretending to be gay has helped make me feel special. It sets me apart from others, and gets me more attention. Sometimes it's a crutch to fall back on, and other times it's an excuse to act out parts of my personality that I wouldn't otherwise be comfortable with. The truth is, there are a lot of things about myself that I don't like. But if I lie to myself and others, pretending as I will, I can use homosexuality as a make-believe excuse for all the reasons I'm not as masculine as I would like to be.
But I'm sick of living that lie. And it isn't fair to perpetuate it to all of you, just because I'm not comfortable with who I really am. It's a disgrace to real homosexuals everywhere, and the struggles they endure on a daily basis.
I'm sorry.
I'm really, truly sorry for lying to all of you.
I never meant it to be this way.
It's ok Roobles, we accept your hertosexuality. It's not your fault you were born that way and have no control over it, you did a brave thing today, coming out like this in front of all your faceless internet buddies and I respect you for it.
968950
Thank you. I was really scared, and I didn't know how people would take the news. Your support really, really means a lot to me.
I am personally disgusted that you have chosen to be heterosexual.
What do you call ...
No, I just can't do it anymore. I don't know if I'll ever laugh at animal jokes again.
How could you betray your waifu like this?
/unfollowed and blocked/
969096
I'm sorry, I can't help it. I've tried! I've tried so hard to be gay, and it just doesn't work for me. There's nothing I want more in the world than to just be a normal, homosexual person. But I can't do it any more! I can't keep pretending to be something I'm not.
My waifu is the hardest part in all of this. I never meant to break his heart.
But I understand if you never want to speak to me again. I brought this on myself by living a life of lies...
969096
How can you be so bigoted, you know hetrosexuals are just like normal people except they like gross sloppy vagina, but they can't help it, they really can't, it's just the way they are. Surely you can't hate him for just that right?
You are dead to me fiddles, go take an equality class (usually provided by your employer). Only then may you learn to love humanity in all it's forms.
[youtube=egAMgNY84do]
969539
I couldn't stop laughing at this. I have never seen that show, but after this clip, kinda I want to.
Wait, all these porn tapes.... You mean that they were not guys with fake boobs, but actual girls?
I... I am not sure if I can love you anymore.