A simple Slice of Life: "Of Cottages and Cloud Homes" · 8:47pm Mar 25th, 2013
Like the last review like this I did, I won’t be critiquing anything about it. I’d rather you be as enticed as possible to read a simple Slice of Life I think is worth it, and this isn’t really meant to point out flaws. It’s more meant to pull you partially into an experience, and hopefully convince you to go check it out. I may take issue with something about it, and there may be some grammar errors, but they won’t be pointed out here.
With that out of the way, here we go!
I can't recall reading a story about how the Mane 5 met before Twilight Sparkle came to Ponyville, so this story is a first for me. A reader may think about Applejack and Rarity's meeting to be the simplest to explain, since both are native Ponyvillians (or Ponyvillites or Ponyvillarians or what-have-you); Pinkie Pie comes from a rock farm, but she would probably fit in well given that she's a cheerful earth pony. It is interesting to think about how Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy, native Clousdale-*insert suffix here,* came to reside in Ponyville.
It's even more interesting to think about what would happen if Rainbow Dash lived in the cottage on the edge of the Everfree Forest, and Fluttershy lived in a fancy cloud house with a rainbow fountain. In this story, that's what happens.
Of Cottages and Cloud Houses, by bookplayer
When they first moved to Ponyville, Fluttershy moved into an ornate cloud house, and Rainbow Dash moved into an animal infested cottage. As they settle into new lives and meet new ponies, they quickly discover that this isn't going to work at all.
I had planned on doing this review before "Wet Feathers" was placed on the top spot in the featured box, and even though it doesn't really appeal to me, I do feel like it deserved to be there. That story is consistent in its focus of long-distance relationships and the possibilities of change, tying in a nice bit about being famous and not wanting fame. It explores a topic that could actually happen in the show, and it does so sincerely (I believe). That story is a good read if you're looking for a nice AppleDash or a story about Rainbow Dash becoming famous.
"Of Cottages and Cloud Houses" is a 4,641-word story about a mix-up between Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy—Fluttershy's parents give her a fancy cloud house and Rainbow Dash buys a Ponyville cottage after dropping out of flight school. Fluttershy doesn’t like the house her parents buy her, and Rainbow Dash has trouble dealing with the critters in the cottage.
The main focus of the story actually isn’t so much the houses themselves, but more how Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash deal with moving away from their parents and into Ponyville. In fact, the houses play a small part in the story, and I think that’s for the best. The more important aspects of their relationships to their parents and their friends are done well, and the houses provide a more interesting conflict than simply “go into town and meet some friends.” Twilight Sparkle already took care of that in the show.
And the story’s take on the houses are very interesting. The reason they move in is explained beautifully: Fluttershy’s parents want her to have the best they can offer her, without taking into consideration her love for animals, and Rainbow Dash has to resort to moving in the cottage after dropping out of flight school and joining the weather team for Ponyville. Fluttershy’s cloud house doesn’t allow her access to the animals, and given she’s not much of a flyer, she doesn’t do much with it. Rainbow Dash deals with mangy animals that won’t be quiet, and avoids it as much as possible. bookplayer has a nice part in there that talks about how Rainbow Dash feels trapped in her weather-patrol duties, but then finds opportunity to train in it. The story is a focus not on the houses, but on how they first come into Ponyville.
Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy are characterized in a way that not only seems like it could be from the show, but in a way that leads to interesting interactions with the other characters. Rainbow Dash interacts with Applejack, and both like working out, but Rainbow Dash has no connections to family while Applejack works hard for her family. Rainbow Dash feels like both Applejack and herself are trapped, but when Applejack explains the importance of her family, and talks about the possibilities of using her time doing weather patrol, Rainbow Dash is enlightened about her job. Fluttershy also has a revelation (that she can have her own opinion), and she does find a friend at the spa, where she and Rarity discuss fashion. What’s interesting to note here, particularly, is that bookplayer decided to give Fluttershy wealthy parents that could afford to take her to fashion shows, giving her a breadth of experience that could match Rarity’s want of experience. Neither interact with Pinkie Pie, but I think that’s because she’s meant to bring the final stage of integration into the new life: the Welcome-New-Ponies Party.
The characterization the pegasi have with each other is also fine. It’s not too extensive—it mainly deals with quickly catching up and removing the animals from the cottage—and I think that’s nice. They are posts of comfort for each other, but the story is mainly about how they deal with the new, and their lives are new to them. A quick catch-up with them is nice. Plus, it leads to a great bit of dialog (not beginning at the beginning of the paragraph):
”…Applejack said you could get the squirrels out of my attic.”
“Why would you want them out?”
“They're late on their rent.” Dash said dryly.
“Oh, I should find out why. Maybe we can work something out.”
“I'm not charging the squirrels rent! They just can't live in my house! Neither can the mice, or the birds, or that dumb rabbit. That's why I need your help.”
The last bit that’s really nice is their interactions with their parents. It puts their lives away from Cloudsdale and in Ponyville in perspective. Fluttershy wants to be put on the ground, but she’s too afraid to stand up to her parents who want her to have a brilliant cloud house. Rainbow Dash aspires to be up in a cloud house, but she’s not too close to her parents, and they won’t support her. They find a pleasant resolution in the form of letters to their parents at the end of the story, where they’re now set in their life. Their interactions are short in the beginning of the story, but it’s an excellent way to introduce how they acquire the houses in the first place.
In conclusion, the story is a nice look at how Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy become integrated in Ponyville, while tying in an interesting plot about originally having each other’s house. Meeting the other three characters aren’t just pleasant, but eye-opening about how close they are to certain characters. The bit with the parents is that kind of “necessary more,” that bit of information that adds on to an already nice story while tying in like it’s integral (and it does feel integral) The prose is succinct, and there are few, if any errors in spelling and grammar. It’s a great story, and I suggest giving it a readthrough.
Note: I am willing and eager to improve in these styles of reviews. If there's something you feel I can be doing better, please don't hesitate to tell me.
I remember you. You wrote the Aloe snapshot for The Album, which I enjoyed. There were a couple authors that I regretted not chatting with more about their stories, and yours was one of them.
Anyway, I just read your review and I'll definitely be taking a look back into your older entries to see your opinions on other stories. I also look forward to reading future reviews. I was one of bookplayer's pre-readers on this fic, and you hit pretty much every aspect I had made to her when I first gave my feedback.
Since you asked at the end, I do have two pieces of advice for you moving forward:
One, and this is specific to the current review, it would have been beneficial if you'd also talked more about Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash's parents with relation to how they are molded as characters through the brief interactions we see. You touched upon this in terms of plot, namely the houses their children start and end with. But you don't really touch upon it in terms of character, who they are as ponies, how they assert their authority and the relationships it created. Even though we don't see them outside the opening scenes, they were still pivotal characters.
Two, be careful how often you use words like "interesting" or "nice" when you write reviews. They're fence-sitting words, and meaningless ones at that, because they can be interpreted too many ways by your audience. To use this story as an example, they're the words Fluttershy uses when she thinks she has to respond but doesn't want to say what she's really thinking. "It's... nice." You always then go into detail and describe why a certain aspect caught your interest, which is great, but all that does for me is draw attention to how much you didn't need the words, or those sentences, in the first place. I'm not saying you should abolish them from your lexicon entirely. But go back and reread what you wrote. Count out how many times you used "interesting" and "nice" when giving your opinion. I spotted a half dozen a piece and this wasn't even that long a review. So... just be careful and aware is all.
Overall though, great stuff. I hope to see more of these blog posts.
951480 Thank you very much for your feedback! I will admit that interesting and nice are crutch words for me, since I'm unsure how to express my ideas better. Like here:
I'm not sure how I would replace "interesting" in this case. I'll have to practice that. Thank you for pointing that out to me.
As for the parents, I agree. I should've expanded on them more. That is a mistake I hadn't realized when I wrote this. Thank you for pointing that out to me as well.
And thank you for the follow! I really appreciate it. If you're looking for my other reviews (which may actually be worse than this), I've only done two others: Dance by Martian and most of the works of Sorren.