Just Dance—A Review of a Simple Story

This blog is mainly a reaction of two things: the rage over Alicorn!Twilight, and the war going on between FimFiction users Sorren and Amit. The latter has blown up quite a bit to include Wanderer D commenting on it. I, personally, don't condone either Amit or Sorren's actions in this matter (Osama bin Laden? WTF?), but I can't make a judgment call on either of them.

But I'm not here to talk about that. I'm not going to bash either Amit or Sorren. I'm not going to tear someone's story apart like these two have. I'm not even going to leave a criticism of a story at all.

This blog is created so you can have a break.

I have no authority to say if you need a break, but if you're looking for something simple and pleasant to take your mind away from "drama," then I will be reviewing a story that's simple. No grand quests. No large internal struggles. No deaths. No wild antics to the point of dafuqity. Nope, I will be reviewing a simple Slice of Life. No , no , and no

And I'm not doing this to show a story's great portrayal of personal growth or a simple-yet-grand statement about Equestria or its citizens. This story's main point is to show a simple cute scene with some decent pondering of a character.

Let me begin by asking you something: have you ever done something in private that you knew you weren't good at? Something that would get you laughed in public if you did it? Dancing perhaps? As you may recall from "Show Stoppers," Apple Bloom is not a good dancer. That doesn't stop her from dancing merrily by herself in

Dance, by Martian

Just because you can't, doesn't mean you shouldn't.

This is a 1,504-word story about Apple Bloom (Applebloom in the story) wandering into a secluded part of the orchards "for no other reason but 'because'," and dancing alone and without a care in the world.

I'd like to focus first and foremost on Apple Bloom, since she's the main focus of the story. Here, it's mentioned that the beginning of Summer is her favorite time of year since it makes one vibrant, energetic and restless. She's finished with her chores for the day and now has the rest of it to herself, and she chooses to go to the orchard "because." There's no real reason to go there, no conflict to complicate the moment (note: I'm not saying conflict is bad). Even the song she's humming to herself comes out of nowhere, and has "a mind of its own" that guides her mind and her body to action.

It's not something that breaks out like BLA-BLAM!! either. It paces the build-up well, beginning with a merry trot to the orchard, and then going to head-bobbing and tail-swaying, and finally reaching the point of spinning 'round. One scene I love in the midst of all of this is when, because she thinks they're pretty, Apple Bloom steps around fallen Apple Blossoms, their descent to the ground "somehow cheerful in itself." It's not a spur-of-the-moment thing. The build up is nice in that we get to gear ourselves up for the moment. This is fairly immersive, methink.

One thing I like about Martian's portrayal of this moment is the fact that (s)he doesn't show Apple Bloom's dancing as some form of hidden grace or some other super-special characterization; in the story, Apple Bloom is a clumsy dancer. This, to me, is the ultimate beauty of this story: it's an honest portrayal of a character with no pretenses. She falls and hits her head. She falls and scratches herself, and at one point gets a twig caught in her mane. But there's no care about that; like a child, she picks herself back up and There's no fear in this moment.

Well, that's not... entirely true. Underneath all of this is the fear of embarrassment. It's made known that she doesn't try to dance in public because she's not proud of either being "a national disaster in the making or the funniest event of the year;" it's also made known that she secretly desires to be an amazing dancer. This is the closest the story gets to a conflict, this being an internal want—for other ponies to gaze at her dancing with admiration. This is shown through a sequence of dances that are meant to be both graceful and clumsy. What I like about this part is that the story still keeps its honesty, keeping the focus not on the conflict, but on the moment. I think that that was genius.

I'd rather not spoil the ending, but I'll say that it has a nice moment with Applejack, and a decent "resolution" to the conflict.

If there was something else to talk about concerning this story, it's with the setting. I feel that with a story like this without a strong conflict, where the focus is portraying a moment, there should be a greater sense of surroundings than in regular stories (this may be true for all Slices of Lives). The beginning sentence is a nice introduction to the scene: "Sun-kissed grass swished against hooves, green blades soft and tickling against yellow legs only a few inches longer than their tips." This first sentence (the first paragraph, actually) could've been combined with the second paragraph, since that's a description of setting in itself:

Spring had just turned to Summer; the cool weather chased well away by the glowing brass disc of the sun above. The air was delightfully warm, the grass cool, and all around the birds and bugs and trees worked a cacophony of twittering and buzzing and rustling. Shadow and light turned the world to dappled motley beneath the orchard trees of Sweet Apple Acres; the pattern shifting and flowing with the wind in the boughs and leaves.

What I like most about the setting is that in this almost-perfect state, the setting actually plays a part in the action, but not too much. It's not talked about in any way to upstage the dancing scene, but at points it's told that it affects Apple Bloom. Twice it's said that she hits a tree, and she has blades of grass on her. It's not too much, but it's enough to keep us in the moment and not make it seem like all of this is happening in a void (because it's not. I don't know if there are stories that take place in a floating empty black void, but this isn't one of them. ).

Finally, for the most part, the prose is elegant but not purple. There's perhaps one instance of overdescription in terms of character (this being a description of Applejack's hooves as orange when it's an insignificant detail); the rest of it is succinct. It's not bare-bones simple, and there's some colorful prose here. For me, it wasn't confusing to read at any point, and there's nice imagery here. I actually think the more colorful language is needed here; I know there's something called "word economy" that calls for an author to say what needs to be said and nothing more (I think. Please correct me if I'm wrong.), and with that in mind, I think most of the wording is enough to create a special moment without going overboard.

There are thing that could be criticized, and there are grammar errors in here, but this isn't to focus on that. This blog is, once again, only meant to offer you a simple Slice of Life that's cute. It's not too complicated, but it is, in my own opinion, beautiful. If you're looking for something simple-but-not-mind-numbingly-so, a short read to relax with, I highly recommend this story.

Note: I am willing and eager to improve in these styles of reviews. If there's something you feel I can be doing better, please don't hesitate to tell me.

Comments

[Dusty Sage]

In an effort to judge this fairly, I went over to read Dance, which I'd somehow missed. (I have been following Martian for some time now.) It promptly earned an upward thumb.

There is, I think, a basic truth in this story, and it's not even hidden away beneath the leaves: non-dancers hate the fact that they can't dance. The best make it look so easy; the worst know better, and that knowledge makes them despondent. See, for instance, the opening to the Contours' "Do You Love Me," circa 1962: "You broke my heart / 'Cause I couldn't dance / You didn't even want me around." (Video link.) Our hero then goes out and learns all the new dance steps, because now he's motivated.

Or, for a different instance, see a story of mine:

“It’s worse,” said Twilight, “when somepony sees you fall. I missed a couple of steps at a school dance once and landed right on my flank. For days there were giggles in the hallways. I was so embarrassed.”

“Don’t talk to me about school dances. We were forced into these things, and we didn’t want to be there, and we tried our best to imagine that we were somewhere else. You can imagine the results.”

“So here we are, the two worst dancers in the known universe.” She grinned. “What are we going to do about it?”

“Only one thing we can do,” I said, starting up the record player. “Miss Sparkle, may I have the honor of this dance?”

It couldn't have happened any other way.

[Learn for Life]

881021 Thank you for showing me that song. I don't listen to a lot of music.

You may be right about the grain of truth in this, but I'm not familiar with dancers to know if this is true or not (I would say that I'm kinda jealous of people that can get down at a club or a school gathering). You've made an interesting observation.

As for the blog itself, do you think I did the story justice?

[Dusty Sage]

881050
But of course. It succeeded at its main task -- it made me want to read the story -- and it was written with an eye to both the Big Picture and the smallest detail. Most reviews cover one or the other reasonably well, but seldom both.

[Martian]

Thanks so much for the kind words and good review.

It does make me want to comb over those old stories and clean them up, now that I have a have a much better handle on how to do so... Also, did you happen to listen to the song that goes with the story? I had it in the comments, just edited the fic to include it in the notes at the bottom:

It is the singularly most happy song I have ever heard~

[Learn for Life]

881320 I didn't listen to that song while I was reading it. It is quite merry.