Lunaverse Reviews: Hearts and Hooves Day Collab · 9:57pm Feb 19th, 2013
The Lunaverse group decided to hold a Hearts-and-Hooves Day event this year and challenge their readers and writers to create their own non-canon shipping stories within the AU. Compiled below are reviews of every single one. I am literally this insane now. There is no hope for a cure, so just...bear with me as I descend further into the cusps of madness.
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Trixie's Lover
Written By: Talon and Thorn
Ship: Trixie/You'll See
SYNOPSIS:
Pokey Pierce stumbles across Trixie's forbidden love...
REVIEW:
This story is basically one long buildup to a punchline, nothing more. If you have spent any time on the Lunaverse forums, then you can probably already guess what said punchline would be. Either way, the joke itself is just okay, but what knocked me out of the experience was the writing. The grammar in this story is, to put it simply, incredibly off-putting and makes for a frustrating read. So many comma splices...
OVERALL RATING: Meh
If you're a Lunaverse virgin, you might be able to appreciate the joke more, but otherwise this isn't a story so much as a very long, not that good joke. Still, it's Talon and Thorn's first, so here's hoping he'll improve down the line.
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A Night Out
Written By: Skaugset
Ship: Raindrops/Luna
SYNOPSIS:
It's Desperation Night, and Raindrops ain't got nopony...until Luna suddenly appears in her living room and takes her out on a date.
REVIEW:
Like the last story, this is mostly buildup to a punchline, but here there's at least some attempts at creating a story. The opening scene with Trixie and Raindrops at the bar is actually pretty decent and shows a lot of promise, outside of the rather cramped writing at points. But then Luna appears and suddenly things start barreling at a million miles an hour. I know this was not intended to be a serious ship fic, but it's still very off-putting to see something that should take its time fly by so quickly.
OVERALL RATING: Okay
Again, this one is more of a joke than a full story, which is a bit of a shame but understandable given the confines of the event. The writing was a bit more solid this time, though, so I have fewer complaints.
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A Generous Hearts and Hooves Day
Written By: GrassAndClouds2
Ship: Carrot Top/Rarity
SYNOPSIS:
During a trip to the spa, Rarity tells Carrot Top about an upcoming meeting with Sapphire Shores, and suggests that she can show off her cooking and carrots to boost her business. When Carrot agrees to go with the plan, however, she discovers something far greater than simple business...
REVIEW:
Unlike the previous stories, this is more of a slow burn. The relationship is not only played totally straight, but is also given enough time to grow and establish itself. Carrot Top and Rarity are mostly in character, and the latter's portrayal doesn't hit any of my big red buttons, which is definitely a plus. The story is also dripping with detail, from describing Carrot Top's cooking to the styling Rarity gives her at the end. If there is a weakness in the story itself, it's that the whole thing with Sapphire Shores never really goes anywhere. It's just an excuse to get the two in the same room alone. I wouldn't mind it so much except that it keeps coming up, and if Carrot Top was going to show off her cooking skills and quality ingredients, wouldn't Sapphire Shores have to show up at some point?
Unless Rarity was lying to get into Carrot Top's invisible pants, in which case she edges ever closer to trapping Fluttershy in a spa and forcing her to be a model.
OVERALL RATING: Good
This is a very good shipping story, with some fantastic writing and good character interaction between the two. There isn't much else to the story outside of the ship, though, so if you aren't a fan of the genre, this might not be the one for you.
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Two Shades of Grey
Written By: Fizzy Orange
Ship: Ditzy/Octavia
SYNOPSIS:
Ditzy and Octavia foreplay. That is all.
REVIEW:
The problem with trying to judge this story objectively is that...this isn't my kind of thing. I don't go for straight clop, and this very uncomfortably borders on that. The writing is technically proficient, but there really isn't anything to it outside of Octavia subjugating Ditzy to some sort of S&M foreplay thing where she can't make a sound or she'll be “punished.” And no, it's not played with whips and chords and mouth gags, but it's still pretty much in the same field as those things, and again, that really doesn't do it for me.
OVERALL RATING: Meh
I admit I might be going a bit harsh on this, but it's honestly the highest rating I can see myself giving to this. This story just isn't my thing.
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Broken Tiara
Written By: Emeral Bookwise
Ship: Scootaloo/Diamond Tiara
SYNOPSIS:
Diamond Tiara has finally worked up the courage to confess her undying love for Scootaloo! Too bad a certain colt has dared to attract her eye...
REVIEW:
This is another very short, but ultimately bittersweet story. The whole Diamond Tiara/Scootaloo ship is kind of a running gag throughout the AU, and it's handled very nicely here. There are a few spelling errors here and there, but nothing that really stands out like a sore thumb. I even liked that Rumble, a character Bookwise had previously sworn death over for getting a tag before Raindrops could, was the target of Scootaloo's infatuation, as well as Tiara's anger. The ending is also perfect, continuing the trend of Tiara being brokenhearted but still pining for her one true love.
OVERALL RATING: Good
This is a very short, but also pretty good story that deserves a look over. There isn't a whole lot here, but what is there is handled very sweetly and elegantly.
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A Nice Quiet Drink
Written By: Fizzy Orange
Ship: Trixie/Caramel
SYNOPSIS:
Caramel goes to the bar to wash away the pain of his recent breakup. Trixie is hiding in there to avoid a holiday based around kissing and physical contact between the sexes. And so the two have a nice, drunk conversation...
REVIEW:
This is another incredibly short story, focusing on the two ponies just bumping into each other at the bar and discussing their relationship woes. And for the most part, it's a very short but still fairly decent look at a small scene in their lives. We get some frank discussions about relationships and the rumors that surround them, including a nod to the CaraMac part of the shipping fandom, and that's kind of fun. The problem, though, is that this feels like the first part of a first chapter of a story that was never finished. We see the relationship just barely starting to form, but it gets cut off so fast that it just feels kind of unsatisfactory by the end.
OVERALL RATING: Okay
Overall, this feels like a good start, but not quite a finished product. It could have definitely served to be a bit longer as a whole. Still, what's here is good.
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Bride of the Rain
Written By: Fizzy Orange
Ship: Raindrops/Gilda
SYNOPSIS:
Raindrops accidentally got engaged to Gilda. Hilarity ensues.
REVIEW:
This is a crackfic. That much must be said. There's really not much here since, once again, it's all a prelude to a big punchline. It's a glorious punchline, mind you, but still, it's a tad annoying. At the very least I found this one pretty funny on its own, and it's definitely short enough to be blown through in about ten minutes.
OVERALL RATING: Okay
Just go read this. My brain is frazzled enough as it is.
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One Lost Letter
Written By: DagaYemar
Ship: Ditzy/It's a Surprise
SYNOPSIS:
While closing up the post office, Ditzy notices that an unaddressed letter has gone undelivered. Rather than consign it to oblivion, she honors her postpony's pledge and sets out to find who this belongs to. But what she finds might be more than she bargained for...
REVIEW:
Despite the rather basic synopsis, this is actually a pretty developed story. Ditzy is allowed to once again show what makes her tick by setting out to make sure that somepony's Hearts and Hooves Day isn't ruined simply because of a mailing mistake. Most of the story then follows her trying to track down some kind of trail, only for things to constantly go wrong or lead her into dead ends. This mystery aspect is small, but it keeps the plot moving and helps to solidify Ditzy's kindness and desire to help others.
As for the ship itself, I saw it coming about halfway through, but the reveal was still well handled and the idea interesting. It's really one of those ships you don't see coming all that often, and while it's still mostly just the beginning of a relationship, I can really see the possibilities presented here.
OVERALL RATING: Good
This is a solid enough story on its own merits, so even if you're not a fan of shipping, this is one to check out.
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The Showmare and the Stallion
Written By: RK_Striker_JK_5
Ship: Trixie/Big Mac
SYNOPSIS:
Trixie and Big Mac enjoy a drink, some dinner, and pleasant conversation. Or rather, one side dominating the discussion and the other one just kind of sitting there and occasionally letting out a line or two.
REVIEW:
This is a very simple story, but it's also a rather unique idea. Playing up the differences between the egotistical blabbermouth that is Trixie and the quiet giant that is Big Mac is an idea worth exploring, and the story does to a pretty good job of contrasting their differing personalities. Where the story kind of falls a bit flat, though, is that it doesn't take the idea far enough. Trixie gets several quiet moments, while Big Mac launches into an entire paragraph about his latest bounty hunt. It's a bit glaring when compared to the synopsis.
OVERALL RATING: Okay/Good
If the story had kept to the premise a bit harder, I would have definitely bumped this up to a good. Either way, it's an entertaining and interesting story, and should at least be given a look over.
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The Sun's Song
Written By: Blackbelt
Ship: Octavia/Corona
SYNOPSIS:
Right after a performance, Octavia is approached by a mare named Sunny Days, looking for an autograph and a chance to talk about the Symphony of Sun and Moon. Octavia is flattered...until she realizes who this mare really is.
REVIEW:
This story addresses one of the Lunaverse's long-considered questions: what if Corona heard Octavia performing the symphony of her defeat? In this case, she becomes enraptured with the music, and the way it brings back memories of happier times is rather sad in and of itself. But what the story does best is build up the tension and terror as Octavia gets dragged to her possible death at the hooves of a mad god, and the way the situation unfolds from there. It's honestly a totally bizarre idea, and putting aside my distaste for Corona, it's nice to see her portrayed with emotions other than blind rage and tantrums.
OVERALL RATING: Good
This story is an incredibly interesting piece, and while it could serve to be longer like almost everything else on this list, it's still a story worth reading. Highly recommended.
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To Cheerilee, with Love
Written By: HopeFox
Ship: DOES NOT COMPUTE
SYNOPSIS:
Sweetie Belle gives Cheerilee a Hearts-and-Hooves Day card, which the teacher takes to be from Rarity. One problem: it's actually from Sweetie Belle, who's hopelessly crushing on her teacher and now views Rarity as a hussy. Attempts to pull others into the issue only makes things worse and worse. Can nothing sort this mess out?
REVIEW:
Out of all the stories offered in this collection, this one feels like the most complete. In fact, it's recent admission into the actual canon is not so much a triumph as an inevitability. Everything in this story just works perfectly, from the humor to the writing to the characters.
This is a story of misinformation and lies, the kind that can easily be picked apart in just five minutes if someone was willing to ask follow-up questions. But at the same time, it's presented in such a way that everything that happens feels perfectly justified. Dinky says that a friend is crushing on her teacher? Ditzy thinks that this “friend” is a cover for Dinky and accuses Trixie of courting her filly. And so forth. This story is just funny and heartwarming from end to end, with some brilliant use of the various ponies and the wacky situation.
And the ending...This story is worth it just for the ending.
OVERALL RATING: Excellent
This is one of the absolute best stories I've read in the AU. Everything about this is just perfect, and I highly recommend it. It's also not technically a shipping story, so if that part bugs you, just ignore it. Everything here is played for genuine humor and growth, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
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And finally we have my contribution, Of Hearts and Hooves. Seeing as I can't honestly judge my own work, here's vazak's glorious review that makes everything else here look utterly ashamed to be in its presence. (I'm not joking, either.)
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A review for: Of Hearts and Hooves, by InsertAuthorHere
This is a Lyra Bonbon romance/slice of life fic done for Lunaverse’s Hearts and Hooves Day challenge and as usual for works written by IAH it’s very well written, so let’s get into the full review!
It has a good introduction quickly establishing the background setting for the story and the overall mood. (Still others organized elaborate dinners, hoping to sate their lover's appetite with good food, fine wine, and a charming atmosphere.) Starting the sentence with still seemed somewhat clunky and it may have been easier to read with simply “other’s”. There is some fourth wall breaking which is odd for a none comedy & could break a reader out of the immersion of the fic but is quite amusing all the same. The introduction of Bonbon and Hearts and Hooves day meaning romance was snappy & amusing, especially considering the intro. Bonbon’s thoughts on the HH day rush were clever, IC & amusing especially the line about custom padding in dog houses.
The candy selling scene with Lyra offering assistance was well written and a pleasant scene between the two mares, though the scene did end rather suddenly. The conversation between the two characters is easy and well written and Lyra’s thoughts on Bonbon were poetic and suited her character. Then we get introduced to the conflict, it’s a classic but it’s so well executed that it goes over perfectly Lyra’s response is highly entertaining and relatable. Bonbon trying to chase after her was also a highly amusing end to the whole scene, especially when combined with her own terror at realising she too forgot to get her partner a gift. The point of view changes have no line breaks but I was surprised to find that the change from Lyra to Bonbon was quite painless.
Lyra’s drum line was very amusing, her skyward scream was very easy to imagine, it was very sweet with Lyra thinking back to skipping meals solely to buy Bonbon a nice gift. Lyra’s reflection on it not really being about the gift but the fact that the passion seems to be drying up without them even realising is an extremely original way to go about a story like this and suits a pony of Lyra’s beliefs and views. Her desire to re-capture that passion and tying it in with her views of herself as an artist, musician and a dreamer were quite well done. The final paragraph was a bit awkwardly written but overall a great scene.
Bonbon’s pacing was very well described and while it seems to be a set up for a repeat of Lyra we quickly see that Bonbon while not happy about lacking a gift is intending to “face the music” and the introduction of another character allows this scene to maintain a good degree of separation from Lyra’s own, while keeping the parallels. The perspective change between Bonbon and Raindrops and Bonbon is not quite as well handles here, though It’s not liable to shock anyone out of the story and it does a good job establishing Raindrops’s desire for romance or even simply for more intimate closeness with others and keeps her firmly in character. (Bon-Bon shook her head quickly,) I think it should be nodded, sorry, if I’m wrong. The interaction and movements in this scene are very smooth and worked between the dialogue excellently. Raindrops covering for herself was amusing and in character, though cocked was used twice very close to one another. Raindrops’s reaction to the forgotten gift scenario was hilarious, though the last sentence confused me personally somewhat.
Raindops’s passionate speech on HH day and Bonbons reaction were quite well done, though Bonbon’s (internal monologue) realization seemed a bit wooden. Raindrops came up with a good plan for coping with such a situation and a classic one for a partner who’s messed up somehow. There was a quotation mark at the end of the final sentence for this scene when there probably shouldn’t have been, or there should have been one at the start of the word destiny, but Raindrops’s racing off to her “destiny” was a great line.
Lyra’s and Trixie’s scene was highly amusing, though Trixie’s reaction to the discussion of sex seemed a little overplayed for a none comedic fic. Though Lyra’s description was quite hilarious in an odd sort of way and her plan while easy to see forming makes sense within the setting and with the characters. Interesting/clever line with: (her eyes were as wide as a deer with a lantern waved in front of its face,) Bonbon preparing dinner was a good scene it worked as an excellent time skip between day to evening to dinner and dropped a fairly subtle hint about the flowers. Lyra looking in through the window gives a good hint that Raindrops helped out, it’s always good for characters to notice small detail like this is a story as the small detail about the world and those in it make a fic excellent.
The dinner table setting scene and Trixie and Lyra’s plan set up is well written and the dinner scene itself is very well described and set’s a good romantic mood and the final line was a good lead to the next scene, though sweet may have been a better choice than sweetie, but that comes down more to personal preference. Trixie’s perspective scene was extremely amusing and in character, her description of things such as her precious bush and the “sick holiday” were gold. Lyra actually yelling, wow, her being allergic to the flowers was hinted at and came together very well here, it actually feels painful when Bonbon realises this and her final paragraph is a good call back.
Bonbon comforting Lyra after being sick was sweet and Lyra’s speech that she used on old dates was very sweet, which suits much of the tone in the story and is very in character for Lyra. The opening for the song and illusions is excellent, it’s not over done but it gives a very clear and well described picture of what’s happening. Very interesting story and the parallels/connection between the love poison and ticket selling story were very well done. The description of the show was exquisite. It’s an interesting idea having Trixie cast the illusion so only Bonbon can perceive it, if I’m right it helps solve the problem that would be caused by the fact Trixie can’t see inside the house. Raindrops going onto explain the sex seemed a little OOC for a Trixie sex joke, but it was a funny one.
The ensuing explosion was extremely well described and immersive. The following scene was a good and reasonably tense set up to the ensuing discussion. Hat I think should be hat, but the mental image is good though I sort of feel Trixie’s fear/disgust for sex was somewhat exaggerated. Great scene with Bonbon walking up to nuzzle Lyra and their discussion there with Lyra wanting to ensure they stayed passionate was incredibly sweet and heartfelt while maintaining a sense of realism in the characters interactions and dialogue.
Bonbon’s speech was also quite well done; the “This will last forever” line was particularly good. The character discussed it a somewhat contradictory manner, but the idea of eventually accepting that all romance will grow somewhat less passionate and energetic over time but that the love itself will not necessarily die is a good one and really the final line about them being together and that being the only important thing was lovely. Trixie and Raindrops quickly excusing themselves was good though I feel Raindrops’s lien should have been with Trixie’s so Lyra and Bonbon could have their own paragraph but the scene was good overall and Lyra and Bonbon was beautiful and romantic sitting perfectly with the theme and the final line about being perfect for one another was perfect for the characters.
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And that's it for this post. I hope you all had a wonderful Valentine's Day last week (sorry it took so long to get this ready), and hopefully none of you went diving for deals after the fact like I did. (100-piece candy box for five bucks. Seriously.) See you guys later!
I was worried you would not like my story due to Corona.
....Thank you.
Glad you liked my offering. I had a lot of fun writing it, and I'm happy that others had a good time reading it. And I liked the idea of two artisans bonding over their craft.
Who reviewed your story? You didn't list their name, that I saw.
847241
vazak. I fixed it now.
You are a crazy man. That's not to say the reviews are unwelcome, however.
I read most of these, but managed to miss both The Sun's Song and To Cheerilee, with Love so I will take a look at them.
THis is how i feel about valentines day most of the time.
and this is what i play whenever someone has sex in a tv show or movie.