Death, loss... and taxes · 9:24am Sep 29th, 2023
https://youtu.be/ToWb_QkeLUE?si=kJ8jN0i3pO7d6fvz
So in commemoration of End reaching 1500 views and 75 likes I decided to go back and edit the entire thing. I also added some commentary on each chapter.
Reading back over it really got me thinking about why I had written it and what I was trying to deal with/convey.
I realize now I was hit really hard with my mom's death and I didn't really now how to deal with it. People dying around me has been something I've had to deal with since I've been young.
When I was 5 one of my best friends died when a gang did a drive by and shot him. When I was ten my uncle died of a drug overdose. As I grew older there was more random loss. My friend's daughter choked to death when she was ten. My teachers son died in a car accident. Still, it was never immediate family.
When my mom died I just... didn't know how to feel. I was sad, sure, but I thought I'd be destroyed. I felt a little awful that I didn't feel worse about it.
Looking back I realize why I wrote End like I did. Because I never got to say goodbye. Because I didn't want her to die. Because I felt useless. It's odd how our thoughts and emotions spill onto the page even if we don't intend them to.
Now when I look at all my fics I notice a lot of myself in them and it makes me happy.
Heck, writing some specific parts of Blooming Days has me crying because it's just me.
How about you all? Is writing something of a hobby, or do you pour your heart into it? Granted you can pour your heart into it even if it is just a hobby. I've just always been way too passionate about my interests.
Anyway, a little news. I plan to release 4 one shots this October so BD will only be getting 4 chapters this month.
Well, check out End if you want a more Princess focused action fic. It's a real tear jerker if I do say so myself.
Also taxes really suck ngl.
Love y'all.
Sorry you had it so rough, mate. I constantly think about my grandparents who are in their early seventies. I love them dearly and I dread the day they will pass even though I know it's gonna happen and the worst thing about it is, I don't know how I'm gonna react. If I'm gonna break down crying or just mourn silently. I never actually had to lose anyone and I'm not looking forward to it.
It’s hard to respond to something that you’ve never felt but always thought about. Thankfully I’m still too young to have any real loss, but that doesn’t change the fact that I don’t want to experience it, and I mean for someone else close to me to die. The closest death to me was one of my grandparents who died before I could even meet them or alternatively it was Technoblade, who died young from cancer, may the king fly high.
Anyway, I love the fact that you remember the ones that have fallen through things you write, it’s very touching. Still sad that your Mother died, but I hope you’re not beating yourself over the fact. Let her rest in piece.
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Thank you. I'm in the same boat yet again as well. My dad is 68 so he's not long for this world either. I too, am not sure how I'll take it at this point.
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I used to beat myself up. Lots of regret there. We fought the last time I got to see her and I was very selfish and stupid then. Thankfully, I've found some semblance of acceptance. Thank you.
Also, Technoblade? Not gonna elaborate on that one?
I can tell that a lot of my writing is about importance of letting go of dark thoughts and things that hinder you from the past, because it is an important topic to me as well.
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I wish my mind was as stable as I'd like it to be. It's hard to fight off the darkness a lot of the time.
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🫂
It will get better
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Still the best way to solve any problem.
https://youtube.com/shorts/J5Fb8hYu3QM?si=NtXrw4LFpbPcEHOU
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Ah, so you are interested in the king, eh?
Well, he was a small time YouTuber (Only like 10m subs) who sadly contracted cancer in his right arm, the sad thing is, that I personally thought that he’d make it. After the operation he seemed to feel much better and did post content, but after a while he sadly succumbed to the tumor. He died around 2 years ago. I’m mostly over it, and it’s nothing compared to losing actual loved ones, but it’s still sad. I used to come back to his channel expecting an upload, because his upload schedule is nada, which is both kind of funny, and depressing. Another joke is that he scheduled his promised elbow reveal video, and it came out a long time ago.
Btw the second line would be similar to a joke he would make.
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The darkness consumes us all, for we were born in it, and it’s hard to detach something that was always there, I myself can barely talk about fighting because I haven’t defeated it. Only thing I know is that we must stay strong for our descendants, and people around us. Might elaborate later.
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I think someone you like really can be close to losing a family member. Sometimes you do just have a connection with someone... even if it isn't reciprocated. Sickness sucks.
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I'll never let it consume me... but man does it get tiring trying to fight it off.
Ah, I can relate a little. One of the reasons I "slept" on my story even longer since I published its first real chapter was the loss of my uncle back in the summer of this year. I won't say much due to privacy reasons, but what I will say that it did hit my family hard and caught us all by surprise. Thankfully, at this moment in time, we have mostly moved on from his death. Since my family and I are believers in Christianity, we have the comfort that my uncle is now secure in Jesus' arms, enjoying the blessings of heaven.
That aside, your story looks and sounds intriguing (as well as tragic), so I will probably check it out when I have the time.
I don't know if you believe in God or not, but I send prayers for you and all of those who you hold dear. Have a blessed day or night depending on the time you read my comment.
-Davidtin
Congrats on your 1500 views! I'm glad your fic has become a source of reflection for you. People write, I think, because they have difficulty communicating. And it sounds like you were really trying to get something out.
I don't think there's a way you should have to feel about death. What could be a more intimate thing to a person? The emotions that go along with grief are so varied. Numbness, sadness, anger, relief, renewal, doubt, clarity. Love.
Short answer whether I "pour my heart" into what I write is yes.
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It's especially devastating when. You're believers and your family members aren't and they pass.
Thanks for the kindness. I actually am a believer but don't like to mention it much because I'm probably the furthest from a model example.
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Thanks Bedman! I can tell from your stories there's a LOT of heart there.
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Ah, indeed, it’s even more tragic when a FM wasn’t a Christian when he or she passes. It’s good that you’re one! Just remember to depend on God, read His Holy Scriptures, and keep “your eyes upon Jesus”. This world is a mess, and sometimes even beyond cruel, but with the reminder that the Almighty is always with us (even when we don’t feel Him a lot of the time, and don’t always understand why this or that happens) is a comfort to many. (Matthew 28:20; 2 Peter 3:18)
God be with you!
-Davidtin
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Your encouraging words mean a lot. There's a lot of bad in the world and spreading the light is very admirable.
Thank you very much, it's always a pleasure to interact with the brethren.
Numbers 6:24-26