With Regards to "Hand in Hoof", and Where It Would Have Gone · 3:32am May 7th, 2023
I must confess, I had been contemplating whether or not I should write this for the longest time. For years, this very idea had haunted me. That I would forever live enshadowed by one of the longest works I'd never given its proper completion. That the work that had once been my passion project has since fallen to the darkest reaches of my sub-conscience. That this one unfinished work would itch in the creases of my brain like a bedbug bite I failed to notice until I was overrun by them. That I would remain forever shackled to this long-forgotten fan fiction, never able to find solace in other works until it had seen its proper end.
It is here I sit here, typing these words on my FreeWrite that I now recognize myself at a crossroads. Do I dare to continue the work that so many others seem to take notice of passively, not knowing if the effort will be worth it? Or do I let the story peter out as a result of my long-buried artistic skills?
First, some context.
When Hand in Hoof began, it had started as something of a passion project. A work I had written to buck the trends of other Human in Equestria works that had plagued the site. To tell the tale of a lone human who had spent all his formative years in Equestria, ignorant of his heritage until he had been made to set out into the world and find himself. In the first year I had written it, I had that fresh fervor of a newly-birthed idea and a barely conceived throughline for where it would be going. This momentum carried over through the next year with semi-regular updates and ever-increasing word counts. But, as it went on, for lack of a better phrase, shit happened. Between computer troubles, existential crises, and the reality of having to take up gainful employment to stay afloat, my time for writing was sparse. Especially as I moved past 2015. What was once every month had become every few months. Then, every few months became practically annually. And then, by 2018, all my energies had gone into things besides what was my original passion project.
Therein lies that word again. Passion. They say you should always write that which you are most passionate about. I suppose passion has been for a while the reason this misbegotten story of mine still niggles in my brain. But, this passion has also been tempered by another feeling--inadequacy. I have realized for ages now that I had engendered in myself this toxic trait, one that was reflected in my later chapters quite acutely. My wordcounts were growing long, not simply because I felt the chapters needed to be that long for the story I was telling to work, but because the longer I had left this fic absent a fresh audience and willing author, the more I would have to write as penance. I realize now with hindsight how foolish a notion that actually is. What's more is, with my muse having been taken up in other, more active projects where I am able to find more regular satisfaction, my ability to tell this story suffered for it.
Quite simply, I am neither the same person nor the same author that I was back in those naive halcyon days of eld. The skill I had once had in those days has been buried, and I feel as though if I am ever to do the story I was telling justice, I would need to do even more to get apace of the younger, more foolish man I was back then.
Thus, I am putting Hand in Hoof, as it stands now, on indefinite hiatus, if not outright ended. This is a decision I have had to consider for years now, if only for worry of how it would be responded to. I will say, I have a tinge of disappointment in myself for leaving this old story in the cold as I am. But, I feel I cannot meaningfully do it justice as I am now. I need to regain my limited mastery of this craft by working on other things that give me the happy chemicals that this work used to. I may come back to it someday, but I don't think that day will be in any way likely anytime soon.
But, I will not leave you wanting. You, that quiet minority that had silently sat patiently to see where I was going with this story. I'm going to take heed the advice of the late great Kurt Vonnegut: Give your readers as much information as possible as soon as possible. To heck with the suspense. Readers should have such a complete understanding of what is going on, where, and why, that they could finish the story themselves, should cockroaches eat the last few pages.
So, starting from where the last chapter I published left off, here is how Hand in Hoof would have finished properly, had I had the strength of will and skill of craft to do so.
Chapter 23 would have involved Lance training with Chiyo and Megan to better hone his understanding of Ki through blind fighting. It would be in these training fights that Lance would have finally scored a solid blow on his mother, unarmed. The force with which he hit her would give him pause and shock, but Megan would instead express immense pride in him for managing to do so.
Lance, however, saw it differently. He saw it as giving it more than his all so as not to disappoint his teachers, not wanting to waste their time. He wished to follow in his late father's example and prove he could meet it.
It is in this moment of vulnerability that Megan would comfort him, giving him an important lesson in how he shouldn't overdo himself just to please others. That it would okay to fail, so long as he was making an earnest effort. This was just practice, after all. The fact he was doing as well as he was was more of a happy miracle than anything else.
Chiyo, cold as she is, would begrudgingly admit to how good his showing was, despite grumbling about how dishonorable it was. She would urge him to sleep while she set up a perimeter around their camp. Spike would object to her walking into the forest blindly, but Lance would remind him that she didn't need her eyes to fight him on the bridge.
Later that evening, Chiyo would be guarding Lance in his tent, sleeping beside him (though with Megan keeping watch, leveraging her altered mortality to be able to monitor the two all night).
It is here that Lance finally pops the question of how Chiyo lost her eyes. She initially refuses to answer, partially because she doesn't enjoy thinking about it and partially because she did not feel comfortable sharing it with a foreigner. When Lance guesses the possibility of them having been taken by Youkai, Chiyo simply tells him about the alien nature of Youkai. How they don't follow the same morals and rules that mortals do. She does, however, tell him that his people were not the perpetrators; only the force that had corrupted them. While he isn't wholly satisfied, it is enough to grant him a dreamless sleep for the night.
The following morning would see them be faced with and eventually befriending a Kappa, with Chiyo demonstrating her knowledge of how to face the youkai quite expertly. When the Kappa is petrified and resuscitated, Lance has him lead them to the waterfall where the Caverns of Reflection are located.
Chiyo warns the group that they should not go as a full party, fearing that whatever has made its lair in there would gleefully split the group and pick them off one by one. A party of two is recommended, and some argument is had on who should have the duty of accompanying Lance in. As it gets heated, Lance ceases it entirely, stating that while yes, they have every right to be wary of her, Chiyo is the only true expert on the type of creatures that are native to the region. Juno corroborates this point but suggests they have a contingency plan, which Lance agrees to, affixing a rope to himself before entering.
Once inside, the two recognize something isn't right. It's deathly cold, the caverns stretching seemingly forever. Then they hear it. Giggling. Cackling. Damnedable chuckling like a manic hen. Then they see it. A Kitsune. A nine-tailed fox. And one that seems...oddly jubilant to see them. The two are ready for a fight, but the Kitsune refuses to meet their challenge, instead explaining her side of the story. Her attention fixed on our hero, she recognizes his species, noting that some "spectral squatters" had taken hold in her caverns, scaring a poor, innocent water dragon into hiding with her.
Chiyo and Lance find this fact hard to believe, with Lance being especially wary of this idea, given his recent revelations and deceit suffered. But, the Kitsune swears truth, calling herself a Tenko, or "Holy Fox." Chiyo, for her part, calls her bluff, focusing her energy on looking into her heart...only to find her entirely truthful. This matter settled, the Tenko posits a trade--if the two of them can quell these spirits, not only would she quit these caverns, but she would do everything in her power to ensure the water dragon was ferried safely so that he would restore the waters to this region. With some reluctance, the two agree, and proceed ever deeper down with her blessing.
It is as they descend that the atmosphere around them grows heavier. Cold saps at their strength, the burdens of their past sins brought to bear, and ghastly wails shake their very souls. Silhouettes of long-dead humans litter the caves, most of them too indistinct to make out.
All except for one. And it was the face Lance had never thought he'd see himself.
It was the face of his father, haggard, harried, and far afield of hale and hearty. Old Man Alexis, reduced to but a hollowed shade. But it is when he meets his son's eyes that he is met with a feeling he'd thought he'd never get--closure. The two have a brief heart-to-heart, where Lance talks about how his life has been up to their meeting. How he'd met his mother and become more powerful a mage through her tutelage. For the first and only time in his life, his father would feel the pride he never got to have as a parent, and shares a brief embrace as a shade, being glad to have gotten the chance to see him, even in the state he was now in.
Sadly, this meeting would be short-lived. His father explains that though he tried his best and fought valiantly, he fell not long after making his last testament to Megan and charging off to try and hold the line during the exodus. His passing was neither noble nor dignified, forced to watch as his comrades in arms were turned to husks to serve the nightmares, before succumbing himself. While they would break free from sheer force of will, there would be no lasting peace for them. Treated as monsters and ghosts, they were chased away at best and slaughtered at worst. The hatred that festered in them from this rejection only perpetuated a vicious cycle that only stopped when Alexis had enough sense to try and entomb him and his battle brothers in these caves. But, they have now left his place even worse off from these actions. What's worse is, he's the one who carries the last file needed to complete the map to the existing holdout of human civilization here.
Tearfully, mournfully, Alexis begs his son to give him the one thing the Nightmares could not grant: an honorable death. He wishes to face Lance and see for himself how skilled he'd become. He reasons it to be the only true way a warrior like him should go, knowing that only in true death could he know peace. Lance is understandably not willing to cut down his father, knowing what all he had done to even ensure this meeting, but his father reminds him that he had all intentions of dying that day, knowing that if he survived, he would have ended up exactly where he was now--a hollow shell of the honorable man he was once. He reiterates that he is too far gone, and wishes to die as himself so that he can at least know he managed to eke out a lasting legacy for humanity.
Lance, despite his hesitancy, honors his old man's request but doesn't go full out until he is made to, his father becoming more brutal and ruthless as his sanity intermittently wanes before his eyes. Just before he bears down a killing blow, Alexis freezes, humanity asserting itself once last time as he falls to his knees and bows his head. One last time, he begs his son.
"End me. Please. While I yet have what few wits I have left."
Lance shuts his eyes and brings his blade to bear upon his father's neck, a thumb drive cradled in his withered hands.
The rest of the chapter goes as a blur, a dissociative fugue as Lance, stricken with grief and despair, goes through the motions. He uploads the last part of the files to Juno, and he gets a name and coordinates for the last bastion of civilization for Mankind: The Human Island of Scara Brae. But this knowledge is neither a comfort nor a triumph for him. Not after what he'd just done. Not after having lost his father a second time, this time by his own hand. What profit is it for him if he gains what he most wanted, but at the cost of the man who had fought to see that he'd reach it? What victory is there in reaching that mythical place, knowing he himself is on borrowed time?
Spike, trying his best to be supportive, suggests he should get some sleep. It was a long day, and he probably would need the rest. If he needed anything, he and the others would still be there for him. Heedlessly, Lance agreed, retiring to his quarters in the airship...only to not wake up.
The next chapter would be utter chaos. Iando would assume full control over Lance's body, the despair of killing his father being strong enough to overpower Shrodinger and take over totally. It is with this powerful human body that he would lay siege to the kingdoms of ponies as a belated revenge for stopping Nightmare Moon's conquest all those years ago, then using the newly acquired knowledge of Scara Brae to create a fresh back of Human Nightmares to conquer the world in night everlasting.
What would follow would be a desperate chase as the party would fight Iando, Spike sending a desperate message to Princess Celestia and Twilight to rally the Elements of Harmony and to deliver the news that Lance had been fully corrupted. Megan would be forced to fight her son with no holds barred, bringing her full magic to bear to buy Equestria time to muster the power of Harmony, even if it meant potentially killing her son to do. The battle would have been neck and neck, Lance's long-held frustrations being voiced by Iando, gutting her for never being at his side, for leaving him stranded without a mother for years, and doing so little to reconnect until fate had brought them back together. Chiding her for forcing him on a pointless quest instead of simply telling him outright where his people were so he could have the closure of knowing what he was and where he'd have come from. Megan would answer to all these faults, expressing immense sorrow for how poor a mother she'd been, regretting everything she’d failed to do. But she would find renewed resolve in freeing him from this monster, knowing that the boy she'd fought to bring into this world still yet lived deep down in there.
It is only as the Elements arrive and Megan catches him in a hold that Lance's persona reasserts himself. It is here that he is met with the same sacrifice he had dealt his father--to live and lose himself, or to die as a man. He chooses death, reasoning that while he will never know closure, he did at least manage to succeed in his quest in the end, opening the door for Equestria to reunite with its lost friends in mankind. While he is sad that he has to say goodbye to everyone he had met along the way, he is at least glad to have met them, and they are glad in turn. Satisfied, he shuts his eyes and embraces a merciful end.
Of course, being blasted by the Elements of Harmony does not kill a man. Only cleanse him. The nightmare is chased out from his body, the sky splits, and a multicolored day shower blankets the land, a nude and alive Lance slumping the ground, safe and sound.
The final chapter would be a denouement. A trial in Canterlot Court, with Princess Celestia as a judge. Lance, in manacles, is read the account of his crimes, which include the knowing harboring of a nightmare, a plot to commit high treason, and the overall endangerment of the world. Crimes to which Lance pleads full guilt. He knew full well what he'd done, and knew full well he should have returned sooner. But, he knew he had a mission to fulfill, and would not have forgiven himself if he had not seen it to its end. Were it possible, he'd have purified himself sooner, but he just did not have the time nor the means.
There is debate on what his sentence should be. Equestria does not believe in executions, and Celestia does not believe he would survive banishment to the moon as Nightmare Moon had. So, in light of his cognizance and willingness to surrender himself in the end, and his faithfulness to Equestria and his own kind, he is instead sentenced to a five-year exile from Equestria, bade to travel to Scara Brae and live amongst his people, so that he might make friends amongst his own kind, and spread the Magic of Friendship to them as well.
While this sentence leads to much uproar at first, his friends do make a show of support for him, and they, along with the Mane Six and the assorted delegates of every place that Lance had been along the way see him off with a grand party, after which he takes the Airship for himself, his sole companion being the mechanical mare Juno, who had been at his side from the moment he had woken her.
The last scene would be our human hero making landfall on the island of Scara Brae. And who should be there to greet him but the literal girl of his dreams, Maria, revealed to him as being wholly real and having been waiting to greet him every year at that pier, knowing that one day they would finally meet. And as Lance disembarks, he, at last, knows peace, knowing he is among his peers and finally able to learn what it is like to be human, hand in hoof with Juno.
As for Shrodinger? The Elements of Harmony would free him from having been a paradox inside Lance's body, now being reborn as a stallion in his own right, free to live his own life now as he thanks Lance--wherever he is now.
And there you have it. That is the end of Hand in Hoof, as had haunted my mind for years on end. Do with this outline as you will. I only hope it will have brought you closure as it brought me closure.
May we meet again with a new project someday.
been a while man (tis me Jake AKA Delta)
Lost the discord, bruv. :P
5754364
You can find me at umamajin on Discord
5754374
What was the server if you don't mind me asking xD
5754402
I deleted it. It was becoming tainted by the politics of certain users I will not name. I have not spoken with them since, particularly since they made quite inflammatory remarks towards me after.
5754430
holy....wow.....
I have a discord you hop into if you'd like. it's not much but we could chat from time to time
5754431
Shoot me a DM and I'll join.