Connorcooper
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I didn't know Warhammer 40K had vampires in it. Or did you just add them to the story yourself?
Got some questions how much does a body remain organic will he be a father figure for Scootaloo and how old is he but keep up the good work man don't give up
11137487
Blood angels have a little something called the red thirst, pretty deep lore but yes they are basically vampires.
I do believe their chief librarian is based on Dracula.
His name is Mephiston:
storage.googleapis.com/spikeybits-staging-bucket/2019/06/Screenshot_237.jpg
But this doesn't involve the blood angels.
I like it already. Can't wait to see what happens next. Also will you finish the story "Fire and Steel"
soon
Of to a good start and looking forward to seeing more and what the setting for the mlp world here is gonna be like
Well, I now know what Isekai mean. It's a fine start, that highlight the... stark difference between those two universes. Luckily for them the CMC didn't checked out their now former guard before leaving, that might have made things ankward.
I'll be following, I'm curious of what lies ahead.
interesting start, but lots of words are messed up a lil bit, some sentences flow awkwardly, and lots of commas are reportedly MIA.
EX of poor sentence flow - "Reaching for his mouth to cover it with his hands from the amount of pain this experience was to him, only to feel that his hands were bound."
overall, it makes sense, but it's still awkward
EX of MIA commas/punctuation - "Pulling his trigger one last time he watched as the shot from his Mark 22c shotgun ripped apart the center mass of an infected imperial citizen..."
EX: of fucky wording - "Shotting up the Krieger gasped."
still like the story tho and look forward to updates
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I know but from what I have been told I'm getting slightly better over the years, compared to my original stuff.
I haven't read one of your stories in a long time, but I can see that they have gotten better, good job
Well this is a surprise but a most welcomed one. Oh Sweety Belle what the hell where you thinking? Truly your way to naïve, ignorant and cuddled here. It was a surprise for the Krieg to not kill a threat but I’m sure he’ll have a chance to correct when/if that leader comes looking for him. It’s safe to say the Krieg is in his kinds version of hell, wonder what the locals will do when they see him
KRIEG! KRIEG! KRIEG! KRIEG!
i like what i am reading
When inspiration strike, it's good to ride it out. Who know how long it'll last ?
The sparing is a nice touch. I mean... just because you're born to fight doesn't mean you can't spare someone. Especially when you end up in such a colored world.
A few mistakes here and there, and I'd recommend to use commas a bit more to let some long descriptions breathe a little, but it's overall rather nice !
Nothing like seeing a crossover start with the CMC. It's like a cliche you like to see in movies. Keep it up!
Well, what a surprise, a guardsman helping ponies, you got my attention. A few error but nothing too big.
Also,your Story reminds me of a comic
You and me both, i also played with the thought of a guardsman sparing a pony.
And you got an interesting take, i always wondered how Krieg guardsmen look under their mask
laspistol
I think I get what you were trying to say: Blood sprayed from the leader's lips as he soared through the air before falling back to the ground, ribs broke while the metal chestplate was bent outward.
Feel like there should be a me after 'forgive'.
If I were him I would turn back kill those Diamond Dogs if and when because they'll come back for Revenge Death krops krieg never Retreat Never Surrender
"Know"
unless this is a grimdark AU I think it's "bet" hahaha
Interesting premise would like to see more
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Thanks for the assist… grammarly is suppose to help
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Thanks again… god I need a editor so bad
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yes this is heaps better than some of your other stuff. if ya need an edito im down to do some. no promises to be perfect but i could probably catch some stuff
Ah yes a fellow 40K collector how fares your army noble guardsman?
That is no mere shovel, in the hands of a krieg guardsman it is a digger of doom
i.imgflip.com/63gyj5.jpg
11138621
I am returning this weekend for some new paint and new replacement brushes
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I would be grateful for any help no matter how small
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I'd be up for a bit of editing help if you need. I'm no native speaker, but I'd be glad to help... and I do spend a lot of time on the english web
11138966
Again any help would be a huge help
Honestly I've actually tried to write something like this but for the life of me I couldn't get it out.
Probably because I used ponies instead of Anthro or Humanized, something to keep in mind for when I take another swing at the idea.
11139134
Indeed and to be honest anthro or humanized versions of mlp characters are better then talking animal ones
11138066
Preach it but I’m sure they will come and after they become corpses the Krieg will tell the kids that being the bigger person and showing mercy to one’s enemies is stupid and will come back to bite you on the ass later
I oh so want to keep reading this, as it is hard to find someone who writes 40k that actually KNOWS 40k. At the same time though I am no fan of anthro, I just wish to let you know that you sir are doing what most cannot
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He’s done lots of 40K stories before, only problem is said stories either got taken down by the site for one stupid little reason or another or his brat of a cousin takes them down himself
K I sent u the edits I’d suggest, just waitin on a response
11139875
who's his cousin?
11140360
A little shit that never leaves him alone when he was living with his horrible excuse of a mother, but now he’s free from them
its fine, better late than never.
though...you got me chuckling...A batpony called Amber
i got the exact same idea once
11158414
Oh well... Amber is a very common 'Vampiric' name
11158424
i see, for me, it was a random name i took for a female lunar guard and mother, never quick to judge
It's so much of his body made of metal I kind of don't want to read it but at the same time I do want to read it
11158427
I just looked up best vampire names, there aren't that many MLP bat pony names it seems
Hmm nice work here and nice that the Krieg has a place to stay and it happened by the kindness of someone. Looking forward to see how this Amber develops later on and hope we get a description on her appearance and nice way to add in Tempest. I think she and Krieg will get along well here and wonder how long until the Krieg's background is reveled to not only her but to others as well and if it was done willingly or by force or in secret with out him knowing. I have a suspicion on where this book came from and what inspired to add it in. As always keep up the good work and hope we see more soon
11158427
Huh interesting
11158428
I think its just the arms and legs being mechanical and not everything else
11158429
yeah. the full name is clear amber
11158434
what caught your interest?
11158432
If they value their lives. They SHOULDN'T do that!!!!!!!
11158438
That you had similar name ideas as the writer