Chapter 26: BOSS FIGHT!
Why did it have to go for Button? I thought it was after me for god's sake! I jumped over a burnt log as I was sprinting toward the direction Button and the creature ran. Why would it go after him anyway> it's not like he has anything important...
"THE BOOK!" I shouted as the realization hit me. It was after me until I handed the book to Button for safe keeping. If it didn't want me to have that book then he should of stopped chasing me! Jumping over another burned log I could see small specks of fire off in the distance. I don't even know how it could get that far ahead of me in three minutes.
I had to get to Button before that thing does, but I couldn't go any faster than I already was. The only way I could reach him in time was if he came running towards me. My legs were getting extremely tired and I knew they were about to give up on me, but I had to keep going or Button would be the one to pay for my stupidity.
"Need some help?" Asked a voice beside me. Looking toward it I saw Ryan Sprinting right beside me. He looked exactly the same as he did two years ago except he had a few more scorch marks. Same blue eyes. same black hair, same cocky grin, exactly like his old self.
"I'd love some!" I said to him with a large grin plastered on my face. He nodded before sprinting ahead of me and yelling for me to follow him. I put what was left of my energy into my legs so I could keep up with him. He didn't follow the flames like I was, but instead he took a sharp right turn. "They're that way Ryan!"
"He's going to his alter. He wont hurt your friend if he can help it,"
"Why not?"
"The same reason that I'm still here. He needs us for something,"
"Is that what happened to that colt?"
"You mean Combo? He's been trapped longer than me, and has lost all free will."
"Is there anything I can do? maybe that book has-"
"No, Chance! if you get that book you destroy it. As long as it exists my master does!"
"How are you helping me anyway? Shouldn't you be like Combo?"
"I was, but I still remember enough to have a reason to fight it little brother," He gave me a thumbs up after that before we finally reached the cave. Ryan was the only one who knew what those letters meant back home so I decided to see if he could help me here.
"Can you teach me to read this?" I asked while motioning toward the walls. He looked toward them before walking over toward me and petting my head.
"I can't,"
"Why not?"
"You'd try saving me."
"I can't leave you like this! It should of been me, not you!" I was angry at him for not realizing that he should be happy I could save him. This is my one chance at redemption and he is just holding it in front of my face. I had to learn to read these letters or he was doomed, and I can't live with myself if I'm the one to destroy the only way home for him.
"Chane," Ryan said softly before pulling me into a hug. "Don't blame yourself for my choices." He hugged me even tighter before he uttered his last words. "I love you, Chance," Normally I'd call him gay for saying the, but all I could really say was,
"I love you too, Ryan."
"He'll be here in a moment. As soon as Button and him come in you grab Button while I distract my master,"
"Got it! Hopefully this will-" I was cut off when a magical bolt hit Ryan. It wasn't fire so it couldn't be that creature, and I didn't fire it so who could it have been? looking toward the cave's entrance I saw the creature, Button, and another colt that looked almost exactly like me.
"You should of known better, Ryan. Master already wants to punish you for earlier and you just making it worse," The colt said with a wicked grin across his face. "You did save us time by bringing your brother here however do maybe he'll go easier on you."
He was too focused on Ryan to notice that my horn was lighting up. He noticed me only after his tail was on fire and part of his leg. He just shook his head with a small cackle,
"You really think that hurts?" he asked before the flames died instantly. "We might not be dead, but we still have some of its perks."
"CHANCE!" Button called out before Combo reluctantly hit him in the back f the head. I say reluctantly because when the creature looked at him he raised his hoof, but it took him a second before actually hitting him. Maybe I can still save them all.
"Let...him...go," I said while trying to keep from getting angry. If I lost it again who knows what would happen, but I still had to save Button from them. Combo looked toward me with a sad expression before putting Button on his back and walking into the cave. The creature and the other colt looked at him with rage filled eyes.
"What are you doing, Combo!"
"I'm letting Button go. I'm letting my brother go!" He said after he dropped Button beside me. I'll be damned before I let any of them be trapped now. Combo started to walk back toward the other colt when he was struck by a magical bolt which sent him flying toward Ryan.
"You will have to be punished too!"
"You wont lay a hand on them!" I said while standing between him and them. "I will see you burn before I let you!"
The air around me started to get really hot, and I could smell hair burning. The colts expression changed to being amused before firing another bolt at me only for a wall of flame to block it.
"You've met a terrible fate, haven't you?" I asked while giving of a small laugh. Three fireballs formed around me while I focused on the other colt who's grin grew wider,
"Today just got interesting," He said before fire formed around him as well. "I bet I can control this better than you. After all it must be pretty difficult just controlling my old body," I would question that later, but right now I was more focused of frying this bastard.
I threw one of the fireballs at him which he simply blocked with his own flames before he did the same. I jumped out of the way before it could hit me, but a few of my hairs got singed. I forced a pillar of fire to rise from underneath him causing him to be engulfed in flames, but he simply walked out of it a few seconds later.
"That took me awhile to learn. I guess stealing my talent is pretty easy in my body, eh," This guys constant taunting is getting frustrating. While I was focused on try to figure out what to do next a bird of fire started flying around and flew down towards me. I was confused for a minute before realizing that it was bad, mostly because it was trying to peck my eyes out!
I'm surprised it actually didn't succeed since my eyes are literally as big as my skull. I swatted at the bird until it flew back toward the other me and landed on his back.
"Familiars are so useful aren't they? I guess you haven't gotten one yet, have you?" That's it I'm dragging this bastard to hell just so I can have a go at stabbing his ass! Before I could do anything else I saw Ryan charge at the colt knocking him off his feet.
"I'LL KEEP LUCKY DISTRACTED! GET OUT OF HERE, CHANCE!" Ryan yelled toward me. I ran toward Button who was currently staring down at Combo with tears in his eyes.
"Combo? Please talk to me!" Button cried as he shook the unconscious Combo Breaker. I grabbed his shoulder and pulled him with me toward the entrance. We weren't able to get out however because that creature was standing between us and the exit. It laughed a little before opening the book in it's hands and it started reading it. I felt a cold chill run down my spine after each word it spoke.
"LEAVE MY BROTHER ALONE!" shouted Combo as he ran toward the creature. I didn't even know he was awake, but he bought us enough time to run. As we exited the cave I picked the book up in my magic for future use. I wasn't going to leave them to be damned for all eternity if I could help it.
As we got further from the cave I started to get more and more tired until I eventually wasn't able to move anymore. I just dropped to the jungle floor while Button shouted for me to wake up. Everything started to grow dark before I passed back out. The last thought I had was 'I'll save you like you saved me, Ryan'
You just had to quote Him didn't you, ugh I really do not like the Happy Mask Salesman...
So while I prefer the more slice of life portion of the story I usually don't mind the adventure bits. This chapter was rather hard for me to follow. It's sometimes hard to tell exactly who's talking and who's doing what. Combo Breaker especially in that it sounded like he was both evil and trying to help. It took me rereading the last section three times to realize the boss fight was the "spirit" of the colt who should have had Lucky's body, and that the devil had three minions not two -- Ryan and Combo having some free will to fight.
You might want to edit the last couple chapters to better differentiate between the characters in the chaos, because to me it sounded like the blue colt Lucky found originally was combo who looked like chance, and I thought chance was in Combos old body. That is I only thought there were two minions and the devil because you were so vague.
To be fair that vagueness is earned because Chance has little idea of what's going on and you're using an imperfect narrator, but it makes the last few chapters more confusing than suspenseful adventure
Hey if there is a "Chance" (HA!) I'd do the same too. Now that he got the book he can now use it as an excuse to see Twilight, that is if he wakes up in time to do it, or even get sunbutt's and arrow's help and to prove once and for all that he is not a "sick" Colt
EDIT:
I just thought of something maybe the voice Chance was hearing was from the body's original owner trying to mess with him
Ones again you have made an other great chapter One of the Crowd, you keep on improving with each chapter you write. I can only hope to progress a fraction as well as you have in that department.
So, Chance has fond the original owner of his body, Lucky, who seem to be sharing the same fate as Ryan and Combo to that Fire Creature; the difference is he seem to be willingly helping his master in his plans. Was he the first to be trap by it and then his mind was warp to fit his needs or was he already that mean and he just saw serving his master as the next step to get what he wants for something. Circumstances suggest that he was the last to be captured, as his body was taken in by Jungle Vine for at least a few days before Chance's mind was pasted over it, as the mare would have a had a hard time keeping the body alive with out specialize equipment and care not to mention it would have been hard to keep it moving him around like dead weight. I wander if this Lucky already had his cutie mark before he was calmed by the the Fire Creature, and if his familiar was already part of him before that as well. It would seem that he was already proficient fire caster by what I can see. I wander why his talent was also transfered to Chance as well I would have thought that different personalty would bring different talent unless Chance's special talent also is in fire affinity, which could explain why Chance is in that body in the first place, having similar affinities and personalty mite have made him more compatible to the body. All does, seeing his difficulty with his magic I doubt Chance's talent truly lies in fire, but I think he can «bend himself», for lack of a better word to fit in that talent better.
There is also the question of what happened to Chance's human body, if is body was not actually transformed into a pony, but merely had his consciousness dump into an other one, that mean that his body is a vegetable, and is probably on life support in a hospital with no heath care system. His family is probably spending a fortune just to keep him alive. Or worst his body is dead or some reason.
Combo seem to be little more then a puppet under his Masters will, He did lead Chance to a trap after all, but can still resist it when he sees something he cares about is at stake seeing that he gave Button to Chance when he got the chance, but.
Now we see that Button is now personally involved and has a personnel stake in all of this, and will probably want to help Chance in his endeavorers. Being height years old, I dought that he could be of much help, seeing his general attention span , but he could always surprise use in all of this. Also, with the ambiguous nature of the, seeing that is still sound like a hazy dream, I wander how much Button will rememberer of any of what append. After all, this could still be all just a dream, unless Button memories collaborates with his own.
We also see that Chance as now a clear objective to strive for, with his brothers soul and that of Button's brother are at stake, he will be damned if he doesn't try to save them, with little means to pursue his personal quest, and that everything around him is against him, and there is every chance that he will fail in all of this or worse everypony is going to pay dearly for what he is about to embark a pane. He is damned this story has now the making of what can become one of the great HiE story on this site if not The best.
I wander what the fire creature need the three souls for?
With all that is at stake, I really can't anticipate who this story is going progress...
I would also add that if Lucky was a real Colt and the raised in Equestria there should be a record of some sort of him some where in Canterlot even if he is an immigrant. Which means he that Chances got his identified of the colt's body he inhabit withheld from him for some reason. How was he? Was he already considered dangerous before he was pick-up by the Fire Creature? Is it why Insight is pushing him to go along with the mind wipe, to make sure that Lucky doesn't come back again?
How much of this story did you make just made along the way One of the crowd?
Wow, lots of new developments in this chapter, nice job. Sadly I feel like this opens up some new plot holes like for example why Chance of all people ended up in the fire demons original body (assuming that's what you were implying about when the fire demon said it was his old body), why doesn't he have more victims by now, how did the fire demon get to earth?
Here's what I think happened Chance was brought into Equestria by the book and given Lucy's old body (somehow) Chance freaked out about not being human anymore and ran to the first pony he encountered for help which happened to be Jungle (was that her name?) who is obsessed with humans and Chance made the mistake of telling her he was a human, leading to all the torture he had to go through. the demon (Lucky) some time ago had taken Button's brother for some reason but was found out before he could finish what he set out to do. The Princesses had him banished to a faraway place... Earth. Which led to Chance and Ryan encountering him which led to the events in the story.
You've almost caught up to me in the amount of likes your story got. HOW DARE YOU! Just kidding you deserve it dude.
6433786 As of right now 85% is from just writing. The only events that were pre-determined were.
1. inability to control magic
2. fear of Lyra.
3. Going into the everfree the first time.
4. Mind wipe
5.Open and Gibson's attitude problem
A lot more of the story was just made up as I wrote chapters. Some of the bigger points that were made up were
1. Arrow's character. He wasn't intended until I started writing
2. F.C's character, Originally Chance was supposed to fight timber wolves in the everfree.
3. Chance's brother. Originally planned for, but not going to take such an important role in the story. Originally going to just have something bad happen to him
4. The book. It's amazing how this has become the focus when it wasn't even planed for at the beginning, isn't it?
5. Combo Breaker. Basically assume anything to do with the book is straight from my head.
6. Every single foal other than the CMC and DT.
7. I could go on, but there is so much to write so I'm going to stop here.
6433829 Lucky isn't the fire demon. He's one of it's minions though. As for why he's in the body that is for a later chapter with a certain character.
6433660 Yes. Yes I did.
6433717 Yeah, sorry about the adventure bits showing up so often. I thought I was done with them a few chapters ago, but then I remember certain things and had to throw them in before it was too late. As for editing how far back do you believe I should go to fix the confusion of characters?
6434503
So the fewest amount of chapters to go back as I see it is three chapters -- and redo a lot of Chance reentering the Everfree -- but that would require the heaviest editing within these last three chapters. Alternatively you might want to make smaller edits throughout the whole story to give us a good idea of who Lucky and Combo are. Knowing their personality would make tracking who's who in the chaos easier. We know enough about Ryan that its never an issue telling when Ryan is doing something in this adventure sequence. Lucky, Combo, and Chance all blended together for me because we know nothing of the real Lucky or Combo. There was a drawing Button made of Combo, but that was so long ago it wasn't entirely clear what it's importance was so the image didn't stick. I honestly assumed it was an imaginary friend at the time.
Of course this blurring together is also not helped from me remembering the drawing of Combo being blue giving us three blue colts, but I could be entirely misremembering that.
6434565 They are all blue. None of them can change color though sadly because of the plot. Well maybe Combo, but then I'd have ot go really far back into the story and people might get confused by the sudden color swap. As for the going back and identifying them that is much easier, and I will get to it later. Thank you for helping to make this story better with your comment.
It was at that moment we realized Jungle Vine was not a bad pony but trying to delve into his mind to find the secret of stopping the fire demon, but if she happened to learn about the human world.... well, two birds one stone. am i right?
...of course though out the whole story the one thing chance try's he hardest not to think about is what happened to his brother. it would make sense for his mind to bury/hide that from anything trying to peer into his mind...
...so it would make sense for jungle to not get that particular information in the time she and Chance had spent together...
...huh, this is starting to make more sense....huh..
anyway, really like this chapter. i wonder what Chance will do when he and button get back to town?
it would be kinda funny for him to wake up in the hospital and STILL not make the connection that maybe he shouldn't go into the Everfree
...i wonder if he should just destroy the book.
i mean, they both already thought that there brothers were dead only to find out there alive and forced to work for some demon? not to be heartless but this seems like the easiest way out. i mean sure, try to read the thing and look for a way out but give yourself a time limit, like 1.5 months and if you haven't found anything substantial by then...bur-...wait don't burn it...soak it in water then rip up the soggy pages. HA. Take THAT
it would probably help it somehow if you tried burned it.
6434653 Ha. Burning it probably would help! Also you're right about her not being a bad pony, but her reasoning is a mixture of stopping the demon and something else. All I have to say is what was one of the minions names and what did she call Chance originally?
That's from the Ben drowned thing, right?
6434653 As much at it would be much easier For Chance to destroy book and freeing the souls from the Fire Creature, would you in his place let your own flesh and blood brother, and that of your friend, to just let them die like that. Wouldn't you do your damned best to try to save them before calling it quits at least exploring and exhausting all other possible avenues. I would also add, could you live with yourself knowing that after you have condemned them to rest eternal, that there mite have been a way to save them but you didn't look before you coldly decide to let them go? When it comes to discussing of life or death situation all rational though go out the window and it all boil down to this: should I risk my neck and that of others to maybe save an other and risk dieing yourself along with others in the processes to save them? these are the hard choices that Chance is making, and I am not sure if I could make the same decision in the heat of the moment, unless I am actually confronted to do it.
6434705 I don't think Jungle Vine had any good intention for Chance, she should have given him over to the Crown. But she didn't and chained him in a filthy room, she mistreated him in no uncertain way and subjected him to mind probing spells. Plus she even taunted him to scream for help when she tried to capture him again. there is just no good intension, or justification, in this, even if there has a personal stack in this than the Guard can't do anything about it, or that would just incriminate her in there eyes. there could have been some good intension it this, but it doesn't excuse the fact that she seem to take a perverse pleasure in tormenting him.
6435342 You're right about her never having good intentions for Chance. She has reasoning though, but that is for another time.
6434493 Oh it seemed to me at one part the demon said his name was lucky, guess I misunderstood something, I'm guessing that the demon now has Chance's real body like how Chance seems to have its original body, unless I completely misunderstood something.
6435288
exactly. it's why i gave myself a time limit. i will try my hardest to save them but after a month and a half if it looks like I'm not getting anywhere i wouldn't want them to live like that any longer. of course this is after i exhausted all resources and got help from everyone i could and stuck around to see if i could just get a bunch of whoever together and take the demon down by force (of course the first priority would be to capture the hostages, but after that goodbye demon)
6435987
Holy crap. i just had the best thought.
FIRE CATCHER vs. FIRE DEMON
two monsters enter, one leaves
6435991 I have that fight as a possibility, but I don't think you'd want the outcome. At least the most likely outcome, but the fight could happen.
6435987 I don't think you realize how hard it would be to just cut the cord like that, a mercy kill is still a very hard choice to do, even when you see the person you care for is in constant agony of pain. It is hard to let go of those you care for. In Chance's situation if he did burn the book, even if there are just souls to save, he would still be the one effectively killing them, and that would be on his conscience. Also, there will still be the question on the back of your head, wandering if you did not just pull the plug out of conveniences and you did not want to keep spending the money to keep them alive in the vain hope that they will one day come out.
6435991 It would be en great an epic battle but how would you go about convincing Fire Starter to help Chance in his cause; he already got him seriously wounded just for scaring away one pony he has already risk a lot for him. He would need a lot of convincing to risk his neck for anyone, and I don't think the fact that Chance being his friend is quite enough for him, even if he is not intierly closed to the idea of helping. Fire Starter might be willing to help out but, he would need a guaranty that he would not be attacked by the princess during or after the events. He would also need an incentive to go fight for him, lots and lots of gems, a very well thought out plan, a backup plan, and convince him that he is the best shot to free the victims that there is no other way. I would also add, for the sake of tension of the story and to show that Fire starter is not the end of all solutions and that the Fire Creature should be the stronger of the two but that Fire Starter would just be the tool to distract the monster long enough to free them. At the very least, he could ask him for consul on how to go about it, I sure that he may have fight a demon in the past. I would also think that Chance would need the help of every foal in Ponyville to get the job done.
the mane problem that I foresee is that the Fire Creature needs victims and I wouldn't be surprise that Chance would just be helping it out in the end.
It would also help that none of the adult would believe them about Combo and Ryan and would flat out refused to help Chance out or worst think his crazy.
6436763
I get where you're coming from, I do.
is it hard to "Pull the Plug"?
yes
letting go of loved one's is hard. I'm just saying after trying every I could think of, if the situation looked hopeless... I would not want to prolong there suffering.
would there be seconded thoughts and guilt?
yes
look, I don't know what I would do in that situation and I'm glad to not know, all I can do is speculate. I guess whatever option I'd go with I'd try to tell myself that I went with the best course of action using the information I had at the time and try and find peace with that.
6436808
eh. fair enough. i guess F.C. would only work as a distraction to buy time.
if he had the right incentive
and immunity for his actions
and they could convince him to help
and he felt like doing it
THEN we have a battle
I really like the Foals vs. Demon idea
also, what about button? he saw Ryan and Combo too right? would he say the same thing as Chance? or so you think they would chalk it up to two imaginative foals?
6436808
Also
Why haven't I been following you? how has that not happened yet?
Follow
6437706 My story has formed friendship! Mission accomplished!
6437715
Fan fiction is magic confirmed
6437729 \(*-*)/
You know what I just noticed? it's the day another chapter is supposed to come out. what the hell happened to yesterday? I literally though I released the last one yesterday, but nope it was Wednesday!
6437767
ha. well you did just pump out a new chapter of "Famous". maybe that's it?
6437796 Maybe, but I swear I thought it was this story
6437799
wait. dose that mean you have another chapter ready to go? do you write chapter in advance or in the moment?
6437835 Currently writing the next chapter. I'm about a third of the way done and I have to get my proofreader approval then it's good to go.
6437838
sweet. wish i could write stories, I have ideas and like starting things but I always lose the drive and never seem to finish stuff
6437850 I'm currently writing a one shot for Aperture. If you'd like the stories to be written just let me know. You will still get credit for the idea of course, but you don't have to do any of the work. Well I'll go to you for approval on the chapters or the entire story, but that's about it.
6437854
*raises eyebrow*
that sounds interesting. I'll have to check my notes to see if i have any ideas that could be shorts or something
I'll keep this in mind
6437701 I had no doubt that you understood what I meant it the first time, is just the way you worded it made sound so casual, that I felt that I really needed to get my point home.
Also, I love playing devil’s avocet, I find that confronting an idea to a battery of argument, and finding argument to defend them make it that much stronger for it. And seeing a situation in multiple points of view gives it new insight and meaning to it.
As for Fire Starter, it is a general rule in the narration of a good plot that the hero is never guaranteed easy victory over the enemy, there has to be hiccups along the way and that this solution that they had found could fail on them at the last moment; all for the sack of building tension and the struggle of the protagonist to the story. I found that having a dragon do the job for you just seem like a lazy way to victory, and I felt that Chance answer to beat a bully was to ask a bigger bully to do the job for him and he would keep his hooves clean in all of that.
Would it make seen for Chance to ask for Fire Starter’s help?
Yes.
Would it be an epic battle between the Fire Creature and Fire Starter?
Defiantly.
Would Chance have actually risk life and lime in the process?
No.
Would it victory sound as good if you ask someone else to do the job for you?
Of courses not.
6437729
6437715
That a great one guy. maybe there is something to get in hanging together like this. At least I hope that I can count on you two to help me in my own story project.
6437899 I'm up for it.
6437886
I did word that pretty casually, I can see your point. and I do like when people play devils advocate. I'm no stranger to it myself
I have always been the the type to over think things.
an example being someone says to me "wouldn't it be awesome to have super strength?"
and i'm like. "no, first of all you would have to learn how to do everything over again so you don't rip doors off of hinges, crush people hands when shaking them, you would brake drinking glasses all the time. not to mention if you're the type to hit something or flinch as it jumps out at you, well that prank your friend pulled just made you a murderer because you punched him in the face full force. you didn't mean to do it, it was just a reaction, a reflex."...etc....in short super strength would actually suck
and I do agree with it being a better story if F.C. wasn't a "Deus ex machina"
just saying is all
6437899
what 6437903 said.
you got a story or idea. i'll read/mull it over and give my thoughts on it
6437943 You're right, super strength would suck. I'd prefer the power to refill things!
6437835 I just finished the next chapter. It's one of the shorter ones, but I figured I'd let you guys know.
6437948
600th COMMENT!
also refill things? dose that mean drinks as well as battery's? or more spiritual things like hope or drive? it would be nice to never have to stop for gas again.
6437967
yes. new chapter
6437978 Just waiting on my proofreader and to refill anything.
Your bank account empty? refill it!
Your computer's battery is dying? refill it!
Your enemy is currently talking to your girl/boyfriend? Refill his bladder!
You're out of gas? refill the gas tank!
Lamp lacking a genie? Refill that bitch!
Edit: Now the chapter's good!
6437989
i.imgur.com/qL6Py5j.gif
...that's good. I want that now