AMICITAS FLIGHT THREE – MISSION DAY 137
ARES III SOL 137
[08:36] JPL: Good morning, everyone. Mark, we show the download for the update to the MDV’s computer as complete. You’ll find the MAV flight software in the Hab computers’ backup files. Copy that to a data stick along with the update file, go out to the MDV, plug the data stick into the main data entry slot, and run the update as an executable. The update will install the MAV flight software in the MDV computer and set it permanently to practice simulation mode. Unfortunately you had to remove the entire sysops work station because of damage from the Sol 6 storm, so setting parameters for the simulation will have to be done from the commander’s station.
Everyone else, we’d like you to use the Hab computers for something. A special program is waiting in your email boxes. Mark will tell you how to make it run. When it launches, you’ll be asked to take an English test, both reading and writing it. We’re doing this so we can focus on what your needs are. We know English is a very hard language to learn, so we want to help all we can.
Any questions?
[08:51] WATNEY: Starlight Glimmer here. Where is the closest large deposit of salt? Mark is almost out and we need to get more.
[09:06] JPL: Sorry, Starlight, but the known large sources of table salt are all in craters and basins in the southern hemisphere. Mark’s and Commander Lewis’s experiments with soil samples taken near the Hab show only traces. Our best guess is that the salt deposits in the ocean that once covered where you are either got washed under where the polar ice cap is now or buried by wind-blown dust billions of years ago. And even if there was salt near you, we’d recommend you not touch it, because it’d be mixed with perchlorates and other toxins. You don’t have the equipment to separate it out from the bad stuff.
[09:21] WATNEY: That’s what you think.
[09:24] WATNEY: Watney here. Looks like we’ll be taking a short trip tomorrow- about twenty kilometers west of here. If you check my logs you’ll figure out what the plan is. In the meantime, I’m getting to work on the MDV reprogramming.
“How do I do this?”
Fireball’s voice came out much quieter than normal, and almost an octave higher, but the others heard it quite clearly, even over the slow clacking of the keys of the various Hab computers.
Starlight looked up. “Do what?” she asked. “Did you run the attachment in your email?”
“Yeah.”
“Then answer the questions that come on the screen.”
“How do I do that?”
“Sweet Celestia,” Spitfire grumbled, “you’d think you never took a test before.”
“I haven’t.”
The key-clacking stopped.
“You’ve never took a test before?” Starlight asked.
“Of course not!” Fireball’s tone verged on a whine. “We dragons are nomadic and solitary! How many schools do you think we have? The only reason I know how to read is because my grandmother insisted I learn! She hoarded ancient pony books, and… well, I hardly ever read anything before Ember ordered me to become an astronaut.”
“Wow. We changelings even had a school,” Dragonfly said. “Not much of one, but we had one.”
“But you know how to read,” Cherry said. “You read mission checklists fine. And when you take your turn reading the Potter books…” She couldn’t finish the sentence. Fireball stumbled through his chapters of Potter like Berry Punch stumbled through the Ponyville streets at two AM on Hearth’s Warming. It was really painful to listen to, and Mark had stopped correcting their English days ago, so it didn’t get better.
“Yeah, I know how to read,” Fireball grumbled. “Because Mom left me with Grandma for four months, and every time I got a word wrong Grandma whapped me on the head.” He pointed to his uppermost spinal fin and snarled, “That’s how I got this. But I never took a test!”
“How’s your math?” Dragonfly asked, all curiosity.
“Every dragon learns math,” Fireball said. “You have to know what’s in your hoard, of course. Had to learn algebra when I became a pilot, though. But I can add, subtract, multiply, divide.” He waved a claw helplessly at the computer screen. “But I never did this!!”
Starlight sighed. “The first part is multiple choice,” she said. “All you have to do is type A, B, C, or D to pick the right answer out of the four options.”
“Oh. Is that why they put those there?”
“Right. Don’t type anything else until it asks you to.”
“Okay. Which one do I enter first?”
“I’m not supposed to tell you,” Starlight replied. “It’s a test. They want you to do it yourself.”
“But can’t you help? Isn’t helping the pony thing to do?”
“Helping, yes. Doing it for you, no.”
“Oh.” Fireball sank a mountain of disappointment and dread into that one syllable.
The typing resumed, with Starlight Glimmer and Dragonfly producing a lot more keystrokes than the others.
A few minutes later Fireball moaned, “Starlight?”
“Yes?”
“It’s different now. There’s this line in the middle of the question, only it’s not a question anymore. And the ABCD is gone.”
“Okay. That’s fill-in-the-blank. Type the word you think fits in the blank.”
“I can do that?”
“Try it.”
Tappatappa. “Oh. But what do I type in?”
“You have to read the block of text on top of the page. That’s where the answers are.”
“Oh. I skipped that. It didn’t look like a question.”
“It’s part of the question. Read it, and you should be able to answer the next few questions.”
For a few more minutes, silence. Then: “This wasn’t in that text!”
“Did you read the new paragraph?”
“Oh.”
Typetypetype.
“I bet you all think I’m stupid,” Fireball muttered.
Cherry Berry, by good fortune sitting between Dragonfly and Spitfire, stopped typing and put her hooves on her neighbors’ muzzles.
“I think,” Starlight said carefully, “you’re doing something you’re totally unfamiliar with. That you had no reason to know anything about. Everypony has to do everything for the first time.”
“But you all did this years ago. When you were kids.” Fireball slumped on his stool. “Way before me.”
“And you’re doing it now,” Starlight said quietly. “Pardon me.” Her magic flared, and her keyboard sounded out a rain of clicks and clacks. Two minutes later she said, “Done,” and gave the computer one final click, sending the completed test on its way.
“What was that?” Fireball asked, sounding a little scared.
“The last part of the test is an essay question,” Starlight said. “They want you to write one hundred words on what it’s like to live in the Hab.”
Cherry Berry and Spitfire groaned.
Fireball whimpered. “One hundred words??” he asked. “In a row??”
“I know you wrote mission reports,” Dragonfly muttered.
“There was a form for that!” Fireball protested. “And I was able to do it with a pencil, like Faust intended!”
“Take your time,” Starlight said gently. “There’s no clock. No rush. This isn’t like the Pathfinder chat. Wait until you’ve got the right words in your head, then write them down. You’ll get there.”
Fireball didn’t answer, but his claws returned to the keys. Slowly, painfully, he worked his way through the rest of the fill-in-the-blank questions. Dragonfly finished before he even began the essay. Cherry Berry finished her essay a couple of minutes after Fireball began. Spitfire finished her essay a couple of minutes later, with a series of heavy hoofsteps on the keyboard, sounding as if she were trying to break the plastic.
Fireball kept going, very slowly. Click, click, click, click…. Click click…. Click, click, click, click… click.
The others sat and watched for a minute before Starlight silently shooed them away. Fireball, scales furrowed in concentration, didn’t notice. He stared at the screen, clawed fingers occasionally hunting down and pressing keys… click, click, click…. Click-click… click… click.
Finally, agonizingly, he stopped and began counting. “…ninety-five, ninety-six, ninety-seven.” Fireball growled, his forehead furrowing even deeper. Then: click-click-click… click, click, click-click, click… click, click, click… click. “One hundred,” he sighed, slumping forward on the workstool. “Starlight, is this right?”
Starlight reared up to see Fireball’s computer.
Please write one hundred words about your life in the Hab:
I hate the Hab. I want go home. I eat same food every day. The Hab smells bad. It is small room and I not go out for there is no air outside. I watch tv and eat gems and do what I told. I have nothing else do. Outside is like home but cold and no air. Inside is too many people. Sometime I go cave and work. Sometime I work on ship but I know ship is too broken to fly. I not know what else do.I can not think what else to do. You happy now?
“Yes,” Starlight said. “This is what they asked for. Click the ‘Send’ button.”
Fireball did so, then slid off his stool. “Faust, that sucked. I screwed up so bad. What I wrote was crap,” he said.
“It was pretty bad English,” Starlight admitted. “But it wasn’t horseapples. I said pretty much the same thing.” She smirked and added, “Except for the part about eating gems.”
Fireball smirked back. “You don’t know what you’re missing,” he said.
“Don’t bet on it,” Starlight said. “I once visited Maud Pie’s family for dinner.” She rubbed her jaw and added, “I had to ask Zecora for a tooth-mend potion afterwards, too. I sure don’t miss that.”
Fireball chuckled. “You wanna hear about the first time I had a pony-style meal?” he asked. “I got the farts like you would not believe.”
Starlight flinched, then put a hoof on Fireball’s knee. “I think you should save that story for Spitfire,” she said. “I had to listen to her tell me about the time Rainbow Dash tricked Misty Fly into spending a month on an all-burrito diet.”
Fireball smirked. “Oh, this I gotta hear,” he said. “Tell me all about it!”
“Spitfire?” Starlight called out feebly, contemplating the just reward of those who do good deeds.
Starlight, please don’t make another perchlorate bomb. The salt isn’t worth it.
I can see Watney 'coaching' Fireball now.
"So, what you have to think of is not the test, but beating the little twerp behind it."
"What?"
"It's a fight. You know about fights, right?"
"Oh, yeah!"
"But this isn't a physical fight. You see, somewhere back on earth, there's this little nerdy runt. Probably wears the kind of glasses that perch out on the end of his nose so he can look down on everybody else and sneer."
"Ooo, I hate those kind of nerds."
"Careful with the smoke there, big guy. Anyway, this nerd sits down and takes *days* to write out clever little twists and turns into his questions, hoping that he can get all proud about how he really made you look bad."
"Can I punch him? Tell me I can punch him."
"Not yet, you can't. Maybe when you visit Earth sometime I can introduce you to him. But what you *can* do is to punch him in the ego. Show him how much smarter dragons are than he expects. Like this question here...."
Fireball did pretty well for someone who never took a test before and never even heard english 4 months ago.
You know, this chapter reminded me that up until this very day I'm not entirely sure why Fireball was put on Amicitas' crew. Like Fireball pointed out, they don't even really have a proper nation, much less anything to contribute.
Was it all a big PR stunt engineered between Equestrians and Ember in order to show that dragons can be friends and can be taken seriously as a political entity as well?
The consensus among the fanon regarding dragons is, when a race consists in giant, flying, armored firebreating, apex predators lizards, there is little need of cooperation among its members in order to satisfy their basic needs (which is the main reason for creating societies in the first place)
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Uh, I disagree. A salt-blob would be very worth it. Because she’s not after perchlorates this time. She wants salt. So it’s salt she’ll gather.
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SAYS YOU!
SALTLICKERS ANONYMOUS YEAH!
8815442 There was a lot of PR involved in the decisions, yes. The Sparkle Drive had had an unmanned and a manned test, both successful and uneventful. So ESA-54 aka Amicitas Flight Three was expected to be likewise uneventful, just another proving flight which would also be the first manned flight to orbit another planet. Thus the crew was picked to display unity to the greatest possible extent, filling in gaps around the two crew members absolutely necessary, Cherry Berry and Starlight Glimmer. The whole was meant to demonstrate what could be accomplished when different people worked together. Oops.
But Fireball wasn't completely unqualified; he's a trained pilot and the most skilled EVA person available.
I think you lost a page break in between the JPL conversation and the testing.
But besides that, things are getting interesting. We've still got the threat of the cave blowing up hanging over everything, Spitfire and Fireball are gonna need some serious time with Dr. Shields to work through some things, and Dragonfly still hasn't said anything about her hunger/magic problems. It feels like we're reading the calm before the storm and everything starts going wrong again.
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Completely not how they intended, but it has done just that
And Fireball was so sweet here!
On Spitfire vs. Fireball: Slobber Flame is self assured and in no need to prove herself. Fireball, on the other hand, has his instinctual pride combined with an inferiority complex. He very desperately needs to prove his worth on the mission, not to the others, but to himself.
Yes, "Slobber Flame" amuses me more than it probably should.
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*Me after reading Fireball's essay* Curses! Foiled again!
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Pure sodium isn't much better.
After so many years, I still cringe at the thought of a test. For once, I can emphasize with fireball.
Have they considered the option of using magic to produce rocket fuel?
It happens that there are a variety of solid rocket fuels that can be made from aluminum, perchlorates, water, and oxygen, all of which they have available in abundance. Water and oxygen from pony life support, perchlorates they have so much of that it's a problem, and aluminum is one of the major components of martian soil.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Solid-propellant_rocket#Composite_propellants
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Space_Shuttle_Solid_Rocket_Booster#Propellant
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Producing rocket fuel isn't a problem in the first place. The remnants of the MAV can create as much as they could ever need.
So much "Dawwww" this chapter
8815505
yeah they have, but producing rocket fuel is a non-concern, versus the problem of thrust-to-weight ratios
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The dragons in general are probably having a hard time with realizing just how far they've fallen behind in development as a result. Fireball's current lifestyle may not even be that far off from the one that most dragons had/have, he just has more context for understanding it.
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I don't think that it HAS to be a pure PR stunt. Ember may be trying to show her own species that cooperation, altruism and friendship are as valid and more useful than pure Darwinian competition. As it is, Dragons barely even HAVE a civilization. I think we're actually seeing Ember's attempt to build one.
I ttake one look at the requirements for that essay, and turn it in blank. You like it when people give up on the impossible before wasting all those resources?
Last week there was a mention on the radio of an invigilator being witness to a certain exam event. Its the only mention they had. It was the same thing I did for English exam 30 years prior and needed a whole new class of dumb to lable.
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Also, powdered aluminum and iron are the two main ingredients in Thermite. Both should be abundant on Mars' surface nearby the Hab. That could come in handy later, should they happen to need something that burns hot enough for welding in the thin atmosphere outside.
8815435
try spending a week without using salt or eating anything with salt in it.
Man now I'm rooting for Fireball of all people.
8815458 he's also the only person on Mars at no risk of malnutrition, so he'll probably be relied on more and more for physical tasks because of his unlimited calorie budget.
I doubt it would work, but could Starlight use the batteries to turn other beings into dragons?
8815435
Pure sodium would be dumb, but Starlight could specifically aim for sodium chloride. That is much more stable.
Yeah, I can emphathize with Fireball. English and any math up to basic algebra I can do fine. Just give me any math higher than basic algebra and I’ll panic.
8815505 The problem isn't having fuel so much as not having a place to put it where it will do any good. What you're describing would be an SRB- solid rocket fueled booster. When you lit it off you'd have no control of throttle and barely any control of direction, and you'd have to hope and pray that you built the rocket fuselage strong enough to avoid a replication of SLS-25.
Our crew could do it, mind you. Starlight, given enough time, could use magic to reshape the outer hull metal off Amicitas into a fuselage, and Cherry and Dragonfly oversaw SRB manufacturing back home. Watney could probably double-check the raw chemistry of the fuel mix. But the odds of something going lethally wrong- the fuel going off during synthesis or mixing or packing, fuselage failure during flight, uncontrolled cook-off of all fuel at some point during flight, and on top of that all the usual construction and control issues when dealing with rocketry- the odds are absurdly high.
I don't think our friends are going to try making a perchlorate-fueled rocket unless something really makes them want off Mars in a hurry... something on the scale of a stranger showing up at the airlock and saying, "Greetings, I am Jor-El, and I'm afraid I have some bad news about this planet..."
Has there been any mention in-story on how the non-unicorn ponies use computer keyboards and touchscreens on tablets and the microwave? Spitfire is using her hooves here.
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Nonsense. As long as it isn't in an interesting location, and you both grab the salt followed by an expeditious retreat of a non-magical nature, you will be fine. Besides, grabbing the Salt, all the salt, and nothing but the salt isn't nearly as bad, since there is presumably not going to be pure perchlorates left over.
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I wonder if Starlight knows any petrification spells...
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wings
8815658
it might same consequences that Navarone had..permanent draconofication,..
Loving the story.
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That's why you gather sodium chloride silly
I assume this is a reference to John Young's infamous rant about the effects of his citrus-heavy diet on Apollo 16.
They don't need any equipment for perchlorates: just roast it (and NASA should know it). I wonder what are "other toxins"? Also NASA is surprisingly calm about it.
8815435
Yeah, It's not like ponies are already eating what they've grown exclusively and are going to die without it.
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I can't upvote this comment enough. Anyone with a Cisco certification will tell you that this is the feeling of everyone who takes their tests.
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I have some cisco certifications, and can indeed confirm. Which is kindof ironic, since having cisco certs kindof puts you in the 'punchable nerd' category by default...
Here is an itty bitty suggestion, ask your readership to PM submit about a thousand words each (for those that wanna) on a list of characters and subjects of your choosing. Pick something not particularly time dependent and maybe slice of life º^º. You could use the best couple to extend the buffer and the rest could go into a companion story (like runner ups).
Err, Kind of like guest cartoonists...
i hope they put some soda on that thing i know food that give the most output should be put on the rocket but come on give them something a little sweet like ice cream candy and what not to enjoy life a little and along side foods like bbq pizza and other junk foods and hell give them cooking opil to make chips
A bottle of this cherry hot sauce recently appeared at my house:
nebula.wsimg.com/obj/ODlEOUY5N0U3RUZFRjY5M0I2NTQ6NmUxMzk1ODYyMmE5ZmZjMDQxZDRjNTcwODJjYjcxMWI6Ojo6OjA=
I was skeptical, but it's actually quite good. It just made me think that if there's any excess capacity in the resupply probes, NASA should stick in a couple interesting cherry products for Cherry.
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Personally, I don't think I gave Fireball the credit he deserves; just because his English is likely the worst of the 5, doesn't mean he's stupid by any means. He's definitely smart enough to realize that his draconian instincts aren't always going to be reliable, as evidenced in the pre-breach conversation with Spitfire.
More than likely, I would wager that having been born and raised in the dragon lands (and if it's topography is even remotely similar to Mars, apart from the whole lack of air thing, I take off my metaphorical hat to him), has fostered an as of yet untapped survivalist nature; he likely wouldn't be the kind to despair at setbacks (living a solitary life in a harsh environment kinda doesn't allow one to sit and mope if they want to stay alive), and would probably have similar (but by no means identical) reactionary responses to those setbacks that Mark would.
I will say, it's fortunate that Fireball hasn't (yet) succumbed to Greed like Spike did in Secret of Excess. Granted, the universe he's in wouldn't have enough ambient magic to fuel the gigantic growth spurt, but his innate magic might allow him to grow an extra few inches or two. Also, there's not much on Mars for him to be greedy about, but there are probably a few as-of-yet undiscovered "flavors" of crystals in the cave, some of which he might be overly excited to have in his possession.
The reason I bring this up, is because on a hostile planet, with carefully measured EVA suits, having your EVA specialist suddenly outgrowing his suit would make for a bad time all around. Hopefully whenever Fireball's birthday (and to be honest, are the crew even going to celebrate each other's birthdays?) rolls around, they are extra careful...
EDIT: I just thought of this, and I'm uncertain of the limitations of the pony suits, but would it be possible for the ESA to temporarily alter things on their end so that they could send saltwater through their suits? The crew could collect it, and probably figure out a way to distill or boil off or otherwise evaporate the water, leaving them all with a nice supply of good ol' Equestrian Salt. The only down side I can think of, is that somepony forgets they're pumping out salt water when they go to water the crops...
Thank you for uploading so quickly, wow! Perhaps I'm spoiled by having hit the last chapter only a few hours ago, but I really appreciate the dedication and hard work you've put into this.
Thank you for all of your hard work! While I don't know about anything as fancy as your proposed commissions (that you aren't going to commission), let me know if there's anything you'd like me to make fanart of. I'm going to do some anyway, but I figure, if there's anything you'd like specifically for cover art, I can help! : D
I don't usually draw ponies, as my avatar might suggest (when I finish uploading the picture grrr) but I think it's good enough to suggest that I have some small amount of skill with art. : }
8815435
Relax. She knows better now. So does Mark, who's going along with it.
Besides, the commenters--commentators, I guess?--have been champing at this particular bit for weeks.
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8815716
Cherry, then.
8815834
Like I just said, she and Mark know better now. That means it'll be more like what this guy said.
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8816049
there are limitations: a) line of sight to initiate b) range c) it's still possible to fight against grip and any jarring may break concentration d) it's possible that there is way to detect or shield against it
I want to hear more about Misty Fly's all-burrito diet.
8816409 https://www.deviantart.com/art/Rainbow-Power-342971270