MISSION LOG – SOL 325
You know, I thought yesterday was a bit subdued because of the book reading. Yesterday was Volcano Day in Lord of the Rings. There was a bit of discussion about whether or not to feel sorry for Gollum’s death, but nobody’s heart was in it. The attitude was summed up by Cherry, who said, “Well, I wasn’t expecting that.” Apparently nobody else did, either. In particular Dragonfly didn’t say a word about it, and that seemed pretty weird at the time.
Well, now I know. They were quiet because they were plotting and planning. And here’s the result (photo attached)- a birthday cake! Yes, they looked it up on the computers and found out that today really is my forty-second birthday. Starlight and Dragonfly must have mentioned it to the others after my chat with Dragonfly’s mom.
Quick tangent here- no, Dragonfly is not a princess. If she was there would be tens of thousands of princesses. Apparently changelings can mate without one of them being a queen, but the queen is mother to most of the drones under her rule, or so Dragonfly says. And in any case, Chrysalis doesn’t really encourage family bonds. Nobody calls her “Mom” to her face. All this is what Dragonfly tells me, and it sounds like there’s a ton more family dysfunction just under that blanket that I don’t want to get involved with- especially considering how shit-her-nonexistent-pants terrified she looked when I called her “Princess Dragonfly” as a joke. I won’t do that twice.
But back to cake. You see the photo- it’s a lovely thing, isn’t it? Fancy yellow and red and blue icing that spells out HAPPY 42 MARK in three languages. (Yes, three. You see those stars, rainbows, horseshoes and things around the perimeter? Those aren’t decoration. That’s actually Ancient Pony pictograms or somesuch. I wonder how you write O THE DIABETES in Ancient Pony?)
Anyway, yeah- beautiful cake. But I knew damn well we had nothing for cake-making. So after congratulating the kids on their work (it’s cake!), documenting it for posterity (it’s cake!), and singing the pony version of the birthday song (it’s cake!), I got them to admit the horrible truth (it isn’t cake).
My forty-second birthday was celebrated with a cake sculpted out of mashed potatoes.
To be specific, the ponies microwaved about ten potatoes again and again until they were total mush, removed the skins, mixed in a bunch of salt so it wouldn’t be absolute misery to try to eat, sculpted the pile into a cake shape (two layers), stuck it back in the microwave for one more pass, then used magic to seal up the fault lines and to change the color on the surface so it looked like it was iced. And, waste not want not, they took the potato skins plus some more sliced potatoes and used them to make chips like we did at the party a couple weeks back.
But there was one bright spot. Between the two layers they spread a layer of mustard- they found some mustard packs stashed somewhere or other, the last Earth-produced condiment in the Hab, and they used it up to give this alleged cake a flavor other than dreadful. Now mustard isn’t my favorite sauce in the world, but it tastes a hell of a lot better than plain mashed potato, so all in all it was a success.
So we ate “cake” and chips, played games (but not Pin the Antenna, because Spitfire’s result deserves to stand as perfection for all time), and discussed birthday traditions. As you’ve read, ponies have birthday parties like our kids do, but there’s no shame in playing what we humans would call kiddie games. If it’s fun (and won’t cause trouble if done in public), they do it, because what’s so great about growing up anyway?
(Note: Cherry mentions one big birthday party where everybody got to take rides on what sound like baby hippos. My brain just does not want to process that image.)
Dragonfly tells me the hive didn’t even track birthdays until the space race began, but the custom is beginning to catch on with the prosperity of her hive these days. Changelings don’t throw parties, though; it’s a simple, quiet, private exchange of gifts and maybe a trip with a few friends to do something fun together. (Note to self: must get a better description of this “Fun Machine” Dragonfly mentioned. Her first attempt to explain was something like a Marvel fan explaining the first Avengers movie to someone who’s never seen it.)
Fireball says dragons don’t do birthdays because they have this condition called “greed growth.” If they get too many things too fast, their hoarding instinct goes wild, which affects their magic and turns them into, if I understand him right, Godzilla. He knows one dragon who gets birthday presents, but it’s usually stuff he doesn’t really care for.
Who knew it sucked so much to be a winged fire-breathing lizard?
Anyway, Starlight is finishing up a second batch of chips now. We’re going to polish off the tater cake (because as successful as it was, none of us wants it for leftovers tomorrow), munch chips, and enjoy a TV rerun marathon. After a bit of discussion, we decided that Dukes of Hazzard was our favorite. (In all honesty, the ponies vastly prefer Partridge Family, even now that they understand the words, but they’re having mercy on me because it’s my birthday. And I’m having mercy on them and not subjecting them to Kolchak or Barney Miller.)
Tomorrow it’s back to work. We can’t finalize the design for the new saddlebags until we know for sure what we are and aren’t hauling in them, and the engines might not make the trip either. So the only action item left we can do without NASA input is adding two of the Hab’s hydrogen power cells to Rover 2. We’ll tackle that tomorrow. It’ll mean losing the passenger bench, but I think we can still haul our harvests in the remaining space. It just means Fireball will have to ride on top and Starlight inside while the others trot alongside.
After that? I dunno. Hab maintenance, probably. Possibly assist Starlight with more experiments on those funky lava-lamp crystals.
Speaking of, here she comes with the chips. Time for flying cars, cutoff jeans, and a celebration of cringe-worthy borderline-racist hillbilly culture.
Are you talking about this part from Sol 204? Or was there a different one you were looking for?
Incidentally, I half-expected Pinkie Pie to tear a hole between realities when they made a birthday cake without sugar.
Had a banquet for my birthday last year and did a similar thing with the mashed potato, though still served in mashed potato format rather than cake. The ponies missed the pun, though, and it was one of the best I’ve ever thought of, so...
What do you get if you make that dish and colour the surface, as they did?
Rainbow Mash.
img00.deviantart.net/36d4/i/2017/225/3/5/rainbow_mash_by_forbloodysummer-dbjwtxm.jpg
"Nobody calls her “Mom” to her face."
Since Watney can run the telegraph back to Equestria, this gives him the perfect opportunity to 'forge' a "Happy Mother's Day" message for Chrysalis and watch the fireworks.
9019746
I’m sure she wanted to. Sadly, even the powers of Chaos and The Pink One are of no avail in a world without magic.
Worst birthday ever. I mean, missing out on their reactions to the Volcano scene for a single birthday party? It's like an anti-gift.
Well maybe Mark is fine with it. Better man than I.
Oh and hopefully no one is shocked by the insinuation that The Dukes of Hazzard is kinda racist.
You know, it occurs to me that an illusionist would actually be really handy for morale. Forget putting on shows or interactive dnd or whatever, just spend a LITTLE magic and change the flavor of the food. Or heck, go the route of Diskworld: a hermit who 'lives on' illusory feasts, and eats lizards 'for medicinal purposes'. Of course, for that you need a fairly specialized illusionist with a good memory, and adding texture flavor AND smell would be hard...totally worth it though!
Plus, it sets up the ultimate The Cake Is A Lie joke. Too bad it's been too many years and Mark is over that particular bit of culture.
9019746 No, that's not it. There are chambers beyond the Crack; I remember the deepest chamber is called Bed of Nails because the sediment doesn't go clear to the back, so you can see a bunch of crystals in the floor as well as the ceiling. And I think I named another chamber the Orb or something like that. But I can't find it.
hey, it worked in Blazing Saddles...
9019774
SoL 20 and 21 is where you first mention the Chambers...
9019774
Found it.
8900154
9019804 Thanks!
9019763
Last I checked, nobody wrote home about the cake. Pinkie doesn't know. I imagine she would be sympathetic and understanding.
She would also go overboard with the parties she is already planning for Mark. Like, Cheese and Pie combobreaker Fatality levels of party overkill.
9018011
...I'm...i'm sorry what. Why is there a JIVE version?!
Somewhere in the multiverse, Pinkie Pie feels a slight ache in the heart.
A moment of silence for our suffering hero’s.
9019746
"THE CAKE IS A LIE!"
Baltimare calling Amicitas TS: Summoning Pinkie Pie with a Party Atrocity is negative. Repeat, no joy on "Liar's Cake" procedure. Understand your strained resources, but request you don't try it again. Pinkie reports permission to skip celebrations, will make them all up properly once we can launch a rescue mission. Including this one.
Baltimare PP: ESPECIALLY THIS ONE!!!!!
Mark looked at Spitfire. "How did she manage to shout with a telegraph message?"
i can't remember exactly, it was some sort of training device mentioned in "changeling space program".
Oh, God... I forgot that most of the changeling drones found a wind tunnel to be that much fun. Let's hope they never encounter some of Earth's technology; not even Chrysalis will be able to get them back under control at that point
"A BLACK SHERIFF?!" "Why not? It worked in "Blazing Saddles"." (Quote from the Mel Brooks "Robin Hood Men in Tights", referencing another Mel Brooks movie... which is a 4th wall break within a 4th wall break! Mel beat you to it, Deadpool! )
flavorwire.files.wordpress.com/2014/02/blazing_saddles1.jpg
(That movie would never get made today... political correctness ruins everything.)
9019746
The cake wasn't without sugar. In fact it was made mostly from sugar, the sugar was just polymerized a bit, so everything is fine
In principle they even may have tried to hydrolyze the starch back to sugar, but I strongly suspect that it would have tasted even worse
9019849
But Changelings on a roller coaster is too cute not to see
9019823 Two reasons. Either (a) because the Bible is public domain and therefore free to rip off and alter as you see fit for profit's sake; and/or (b) because someone looked at the tradition that the Bible is the inerrant, unalterable, divinely protected Word of God and said, "Challenge accepted."
9019890
Oh, trust me... I'm not worried about the roller coasters; we have stuff far less tame than that which would put that wind tunnel at Horseton to shame on this planet, a good chunk of which I'm pretty sure most CSP!changelings would find a way to misuse in a similar fashion to said wind tunnel...
9019849
give them Minecraft and that will keep them going for years or WoW
I suddenly wonder how the Equestrian Mars Crew would like the Back to the Future movie trilogy.
9019920 Sunset Shimmer wouldn't have a stroke, but she'd think she was having one.
EDIT: And this is why you don't post things when you're falling asleep. I meant Starlight Glimmer.
Though Sunset's reaction wouldn't be far behind...
9019930
talk about sunset would it be a good idea by now to let her know that their drone made it to that world. more date mean more hope of saving them
9019823
My favorite is the lolcat verison http://lolcatbible.com/index.php?title=Main_Page
9019842
It was a wind tunnel that was rotated to act like indoor sky diving.
9019809
Having problems with dozens and dozens of similarly named chapters?
9019930
Why would Sunset think she's having a stroke. I don't think she's on Mars. Do you mean Starlight?
I can't recall, but was there ever a reference to HGTTG made (because 42)...? Or in the source material...?
Well, if they're that bored, something I can think for them to do would be to just write something in rocks for NASA, or make a giant picture out of rocks, etc. It's my understanding that just because Pathfinder comms are down, the satellites orbiting Mars still work, so they'd see anything they create with rocks.
Honestly, I'm trying to think of any "games" they can play outside the Hab that don't require the active use of Magic, and most of them would involve having Starlight create a pressurized ball out of the spare Hab canvas. It wouldn't even have to be very big either
Perhaps Mark can teach them the joys and rules of Baseball, and convert them all to Cubs fans long before they can learn that they're actually not a good team to root for.
Remember that one scene in Honey I Shrunk the Kids, where the kids are pantomiming a baseball game under the magnifying glass? That's how I'd imagine NASA to perceive the first Martian baseball game through their satellites.
Oh man, I'd forgotten about the Fun Machine.
So I guess it's October 12th on Earth now, huh?
October 12, 2036 = Sol 325
Sol 325 = Year 44, month 4, sol 224
http://www-mars.lmd.jussieu.fr/mars/time/martian_time.html
Song = Sol 234
325-234=91
224-91=133
Song = Year 44, sol 133?
Song = What Earth day? I can't figure that out because I don't know how to figure out the Solar Longitude Ls.
I saw your comment, Sir Mediocre. The comparison isn't fair; pony names on the show have only one correct form and spelling (i.e., what was filed with a trademark or copyright). Anything else, even if from an official source, is a human error. No one is perfect, including me, but forgive me for not having enough tact when I pointed out you said "Pinkey" instead of "Pinkie".
9020145
I did some back-of the napkin math for you; I took the number of Earth hours in a Martian day (24.6166667) and multiplied it by 90. Remember, the log said his birthday was the day before, so that means Mark's birthday occurred on Sol 324.
Then I took the result, and divided it by 24 to get the number of Earth days that is (92.3125). Then I just Googled what day falls 92 days before October 12.
If my math is right, the Song was sung on either July 12 or 11, depending of the time of day when they sang it. Bonus info: July 12 falls on a Saturday in 2036
9020145
I am not the "you" to whom you are referring, unless you are addressing a different speaker without beginning a new paragraph. Most important rule of dialogue!
You misinterpreted me a little. I never said the show names had multiple correct spellings. I said the ratio of correct spellings to incorrect spellings on the part of fans is, statistically speaking, always greater than 1, so proclaiming a righteous calling that you cannot allow misspellings, as though you have any control over the odd commenter's propensity for errors intentional or otherwise, is setting yourself up to be annoyed by things of little consequence.
If you choose to let things bother you to an inordinate degree, well... free agency and all that. Misspellings, especially of proper nouns, catch my eye, as well, but they don't bother me unless they are intentional.
Yesterday, at work, someone referred to me as a lady because I have long hair and he saw me from behind. When I turned around to address him, amd he saw my face and a very obvious goatee and non-lady-like features, he apologized profusely, stating that he didn't mean anything by it. I shrugged and said, "Not the first time."
If you know someone meant no offense, then why choose to be offended? Dismiss the remark and continue your day. It's a waste of time investment, caring what random people about the world think, much less when there is no ill intent.
9020166
Thank you very much! I might use that information in the presentation of the song my group is working on, whenever we finish it. (We're not working on a deadline, but we are trying to work a little on it or the side projects each day.)
9020184
I just did some late editing, so I don't know if you caught that; I realized the log was accounting the events of the Sol prior, so I had to redo all of my calculations. The new numbers are in the comment now
9020187
The only thing that made it into the screenplay I'm writing (for Starlight's interview and the day of the song, so I can convey how I envision things and what the visuals need to be) is the date of July 11 or 12. I never saw that change, so I think we're good. If you want to look at the screenplay, let me know and I'll PM it to you.
But, if th cake is made of rainbow coloured mashed potato.
Then the Cake is a Pink Pie?
Who said magic prevented her getting into our universe.
Have they watched Six Million Dollar Man, yet? The book made a joke abouth how ironic it was watching that one episode with the evil space-probe while dragging home Sojourner, so it's definitely among the shows Mark have on that thumb-drive.
And, hey, cyborgs. The idea of chopping off bits of yourself for power is such an unponylike concept that it probably should spark some fascinating discussions.
*Edit: Log Entry: Sol 92, if anybody wants to double check it, since new entertainment's such a big deal. Page 167 in my big print edition.
Lost details on your own writing, huh?
This is why big projects all need wikis.
Why don't someone start a changeling space program wikia?
Heck, I might if I find myself with nothing to do.
cps.wikia.com is taken.
changelingSP.wikia.com is available.
I think Dragonfly was terrified because she's one of the smartest changelings and even she knows how massive of a flustercuck it'd be if any of them had to bear the responsibilities that Chryssie does on a daily basis.
Mmmm, that cake sounds lovely.
... Being a dragon sucks, though I guess all those knitted sweaters and socks would be perfect as gifts for them.
9020282
For Steve's case, well those were parts already cut off, or so destroyed they were beyond saving and were cut off. "A man barely alive" as the opening puts it. The cyborg parts were all replacements for what he lost in the crash, rather than a typical cyberpunk where healthy parts are lopped off to make room for upgrades.
9020418
Fair enough in his case, but I was thinking the concept of cybernetics in general since power as Equestria sees it is always a gain of a sort.
You learn magic. You become more in-tune with your special talent. You outright gain limbs if you're one of the few and proud that ascend. Even the various corruptions grant power (and madness) by being taken into the pony's system.
Cybernetics on the other hand, (pardon the pun) is arguably a loss of that natural potential, to instead gain the advantages of a machine. The untiring nature and strength, but you'll never gain strength again without further upgrades.
(Ignoring the concept of over-clocking or soft-ware tweaks for now as to not bog down the argument.)
I don't know if everybody would agree with me, but I could imagine it as such an alien concept that it creeps everypony out.
Heck, even the Masked Matter-Horn still made 'only' some type of amplifier helmet that fits over her completely normal, natural unicorn horn, and she's the closest in canon I can even think off to somepony using technology to improve themselves & their abilities. And she's in-universe fictional!
derpicdn.net/img/view/2016/5/19/1157457__safe_fili-dash-second_humdrum_humdrum+%28pony%29_masked+matter-dash-horn_mistress+marevelous_radiance_saddle+rager_zapp_power+ponies_spoiler-c.png
Magic lasso, mutant, mutant, magic necklace, the other magic necklace, (earth pony) and magi-tech helmet. In other words: Two freaks with non-standard abilities for their race, one guy that fights with skill alone, and four whooping artifacts—only one wich the pony actually made themselves instead of inheriting/gaining/finding/being worthy of somehow.
Think that says a lot about how pony society sees power and how you can gain it legitimately, personally.
9018155
Are they still changing? Or just still spoken. Because what I remember of Hebrew at least, it's a dead language that is still in use. As is latin.
Funnily enough, there's a pancreas shape in there.
Also, now I want to see Mark meet Cheese Sandwich, if only to boggle at the multiversal constant that is Weird Al.
9020117 Yes. Rrgh.
Uh.. if the hole removal spell works by removing the voids between molecules,does this mean that casting it on a pile of sand or aluminum oxide would create quartz and sapphires?
9019746
Pinkie might balk at a cake made from mashed taters (she would make it out of that too if she was there) but it's not celebrating at all that would drive her up the wall.
9019782
You know soon nobody is going to get the reference. It never airs on TV, it's one of the few Mel Brooks movies NOT on netflix and I'm sure it's not going to be available elsewhere soon enough.