A man is cleaning up after his rather deranged uncle and finds a pleasant surprise, than now he has to deal with. Will these ponies learn their origins, and will they live up to their ideal?
After the death of his rather deranged great uncle, a man is called in to tie up some uncomfortable loose ends. That these loose ends are friendly, and assembled out of bleeding-edge militech gives some serious problems. That they don't know this is just the first problem.
DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc. The Bolo Series by Keith Laumer
There are things that most people simply don't think about. How my great-uncle was such an expert on creating the nonhuman thought processes that went into so many of the servants and defenders of Humanity. What was living around such a brilliant and rich man like?
The last I couldn't answer, because it was tied up with the first. He was an expert on nonhuman thinking, because he was significantly inhuman. He could create other creatures' thoughts, because he had a lifetime to learn to simulate human behaviors. And he became an expert in psychotronics, because he knew he'd never get away with playing his games with humans, or even most living creatures. At least those who weren't relatives, who made endless excuses for him and his behavior. And even then, he limited himself to cruel mind-games with them. But machines have no rights and few defenders, and the more human he made them, the better the games he could play with them. The stupider, more greedy, or more socialized 'not to judge' members of the family would accept how he hurt them, and be lured back into his orbit. I avoided that. He hurt me, and my little sister, once. I hurt him back, and then stayed out of his orbit. No blandishment lured me back. A period of Concordiat service took me out of range of his money and influence. My little sister did likewise, going career kept her permanently out of his reach.
When I got out, I could stand on my own without anything from my family and I did. No 'sock-puppet' fooled me into letting him get close. It's sad to know your own mother is either so greedy, or so stupid that she would let that man near her children more than once. When she came most recently, all tears and histrionics, that he was dying and just wanted to see me once before he passed. I said not a word until she'd wound down, out of platitudes, excuses for old hurts, appeals to pity or family, and most of all, out of tears. I looked around the farm and house I had purchased and kept up, through my own efforts, without even the glimmer of a brass farthing from him, and told her simply, 'I will consider it'.
Then followed offers of princely transport and accommodations, and a repeat of 'I will consider it.' I refused an absolute 'no', or to tell my mother I would rot in Hell beside the grim bastard before I would accede to his velvet demands. She left, confident in her assumption I needed a few days to put my home and farm into the hands of a caretaker, and would rush to my great uncle's side.
It took a week for her to come to her senses, her excuses to run thin, or the old man to realize I hadn't fallen for his ploy. My father was soon at my doorstep, demanding I stop this foolishness and attend. I was sorely tempted to ask how much he was being paid. Instead, I reminded him that he was addressing me in my home, and that he had often told me, when I was in my home, then I could be in charge. I told him I was in charge, I wasn't going to meet with that great old bastard, and he could leave if he intended that to be the sole topic of our discussions. It hurt quite a bit to watch my own father admit he had nothing in his head to say to his eldest son, except what his father's brother had put there.
Where does that leave us? It leaves me here, in the old bastard's warehouse, cleaning up after the mess his death, and what the subsequent and irrefutable revelation of his true nature did to the more credulous and delicate members of the family. The animatronic versions of most of the family members were enough to do in the faint hearts. The accouterments of the room they were found in managed to finish off the rest. So I, the only one who really understood the old man, was called in to dispose of the old man's rather macabre 'toys'.
More ghastly to me were the half-assembled, or half-broken things that moved as if alive. Not as something so badly wounded would move, but something healthy just not understanding its incompleteness would move. That these mannequins were aware, and reacted made the hair on your neck stand up. None showed any malice. They reacted as proper toys should, wanting to go through their behavior cycles. To play or serve. All the more heartbreaking that they had been abandoned, half-finished, or half-crippled, specifically to make that simple fulfillment of function difficult to impossible. Nothing more than an ultra-tech method of ripping the wings off a fly, or torturing a small animal. Here, with these creations, my great-uncle played god. As cruel and insane a god as ever graced the pages of dark mythologies. Yet still the toys sensed a 'master' and worked to please. I hurried on. If the man hadn't already been dead. If I hadn't already confirmed the bastard was worm food in the ground, I would have put him there myself.
The cage was an unlikely touch in this hall of horrors, and extremely unlikely when all manner of programming safeguards could be installed to prevent the machines from attacking, even to preserve their own existence. Or simply preclude them from being able to think about attacking or even trying to escape. A cage was there specifically to force a consciousness able to consider resistance or escape to accept that it was difficult to impossible. The cage was not meant as confinement. It was meant to evoke despair.
Inside were two very strange creatures, considering my experiences in Concordiat service, being worthy of calling something strange is quite an achievement. Quadrupedal, vaguely horselike, and colored in hues more appropriate for toys than living creatures. Unless the creatures were violently poisonous and wanted the world to know. The pair were a lavender-bodied unicorn, so named due to the horn on its forehead. It had an indigo mane and tail. The other was a yellow-bodied pegasus, so named due to the small wings on its sides, with a pink mane and tail. The pegasus was curled up on the floor of the cage whimpering. The unicorn gave me a glare that would count as Battery in most civilized nations.
"Why are you holding us? Why are we locked up? Do you have any idea who we are?" the unicorn angrily demanded. The voice was young-adult female, and the fury of her tone warred with her intense cuteness. Her anger only made her adorable, not fearsome.
But I had learned that not all threat displays are perceived correctly by humans, and with my great uncle's sense of humor, a toy might seem at it's most adorable, when it was most dangerous. "I'm not, I don't know, and no," I told her, "The one who locked you up is dead, and therefore no longer a source of good explanations. I honestly have no idea what you are, except my grand uncle's prisoners."
The unicorn sat back on her haunches and visibly restrained her anger. "I am Twilight Sparkle, Princess Celestia's prize pupil. This is Fluttershy, my friend," she said in a clear almost lecturing tone, "If you don't know who we are, you can ask someone in Ponyville, or in Canterlot."
"Welcome to this world, Twilight Sparkle, I have no knowledge of any of those other names. Is your friend injured?" I'd almost said 'damaged' then realized that neither might know their true origins. Not for the first time, he'd loose the truth on some poor article, and watch its shocked to horrified reaction.
"Rarity, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Princess Luna, Pinkie Pie . . . Spike?" the unicorn offered in growing desperation.
"I'm afraid none of those names has any context for me," I replied, and found what was obviously the delocking mechanism. It was fashioned as an ancient key, but anyone foolish enough to believe it would function as one would be severely surprised.
"Don't turn it in the lock!" the unicorn blurted out.
"Why not?" I asked.
"I tried. It hurt us," she added sadly. She looked at me with such hope and shame.
If my 'great' uncle hadn't been moldering in his grave, I strongly suspect I could have many volunteers to put him there. I put the 'key' in the lock, and slid the cardkey I'd been given through a slot in the key made to look like a decoration. The bolt retracted with an audible click, but I waited a few moments before opening the gate. The sense of humor I was dealing with had a penchant for practical jokes, painful ones.
"I'll have to ask both of you to stay close to me, and not attack me in any way. You have no legal standing here, and without my presence, you can be killed out of hand by anyone who sees you."
"I don't understand, but we'll do what you say," the unicorn said.
I opened the door, but the pegasus remained lying on the floor. It, she, whimpered slightly, but wouldn't move. A nudge from the unicorn didn't budge her either. I considered checking her for a data port to see if her motion system was down, or her sensory systems were being overloaded by light or noise. Snapping my fingers near her ears didn't provoke a response, and her limbs moved so her paralysis was psychological.
"Look at that poor bunny," the unicorn said.
"Bunny?" the pegasus's head came up, "Angel?" She dashed out of the cage. "Angel!"
I ran after her, with the unicorn on my heels.
"Fluttershy don't get too far ahead!" the unicorn shouted, then looked at me, as if to apologize. Around a corner, we nearly crashed into the pegasus as she stared at another pegasus. The stool it stood on was too small for it's four hooves. The dress it wore would have been rejected as too frilly and fancy by a five-year-old in an 'I want to be a princess' phase. The frozen expression of bored fury still tried to extract a guffaw rather than caution.
"Rainbow Dash!" the yellow pegasus shouted at the sky-blue one, "Rainbow Dash!"
With that hair color, what else could it be. I located the activator, palming it along with several other items off a crate near the 'display'. I thumbed the switch when it was in my pocket, and out of sight of a too-observant unicorn. The formerly deactivated automate awoke, and loudly fell from its perch.
"Was that Rainbow Dash?" I asked, not trying to hide my grin as the pegasus recovered from some period of deactivation, toppling over, and finally from the ridiculous clothing.
"WHA?" the sky-blue pegasus with the rainbow mane and tail exclaimed as it got back to its feet, and then jumped back onto the stool, and tottered there for a few moments, before focusing on the unicorn and pegasus staring at it. It recognized them, and tumbled off the stool again loudly. "You guys are okay, you're out!" The voice is pubescent male, or young adult female, it's hard to tell. The creature is soon confronting me. By flying. The tiny wings could never have produced the lift or thrust necessary. "Who're you, what are you doing here? Why am I in this dress, where's the old guy who said if I got off the stool it would hurt Twi and Fluttershy?"
"The answer to the last is 'he's dead', and I'll wait until we get the rest of your group before I answer any of the other questions," I told it, then turned to the unicorn, "Is this one a girl or a boy?"
"I'm a mare!" the rainbow-haired pegasus informed me, "Can't you tell?"
"Not really," I replied, "I don't know much about horses -"
"Ponies," the unicorn said.
"And by voice alone you could be a young male, or a young adult female, but I had no clues to which. Besides, with my grand uncle involved, you could be a dragon for all I know."
"Is your grand uncle a wizard?" the yellow pegasus asked, "If you don't mind me asking, that is."
"No, he used science that some might mistake for magic," I replied, "Now, is she the last of your group?"
"No, there should be a few others," the unicorn explained, then seemed to brighten up, "What kind of science?"
"Simulating minds, with machines," I told them.
The unicorn asked several more questions, but I kept my answers close to the vest. I still wasn't sure what use these creatures had been put to, although they understood about the fear-threat reaction.
We found the next one. I've field-stripped engines that weren't as filthy as the creature we found inside the mirrored box.
"NO! I want to be alone! No one should look at me," it shrieked in a mid-Atlantic accent, and slammed the door shut instantly.
I got the vague impression of another unicorn, covered in grease, filth, paint, and I think, the worst set of clown makeup I'd ever seen. "I take it she takes pride in her appearance," I asked.
The unicorn was too busy giving the rainbow pegasus a death glare to keep her from laughing, so the yellow pegasus nodded and said, "Rarity is very sensitive to such things."
The rainbow pegasus couldn't keep it in any longer. She lay on her back, her hooves slashing through the air like a drunken spider. "Bwhaha! Did you see that?"
"I want to be alone!" came the anguished moan from inside the box.
"Let's put 'cutesy bows' in front of the door so Rarity can get a good look at how adorable she is," I offered.
"Gahaaaaa!" the pegasus shrieked as her wings went to full extension. She had shredded the dress in seconds, and stood as naked as the other two.
"Someone else is very concerned with her appearance," the unicorn noted wryly.
The boyish pegasus rounded on the unicorn. "I don't go in for that frilly stuff! That's all!"
"But you looked so natural and at ease wearing it," I added.
"Hey! If you saw that dress, what made you think I could be a boy?" the pegasus asked.
"If any of you three misbehave, I'll explain it to you," I told them and left it at that. "I think we can use a pallet jack to get the box to one of the decontam stations. It won't be perfect, but it will get her clean."
"Do you think we can find a hairbrush, or something," the yellow pegasus asked, "For Rarity?"
"I left all my grooming tools back at the hotel, and this is a warehouse. I doubt we'll have anything like that outside the workshop."
"Oh, then we should go to the workshop," the pegasus stated.
"I think we'd better go there last," I told her as I moved the pallet jack under the box and lifted it.
A few minutes later, the white unicorn with the royal purple mane and tail walked out of the decontam unit. "I certainly cannot recommend it as a spa," she intoned haughtily, but bowed her head, "But thank you for the attempt." She frowned as she gave me a once-over. "No offense, but those - clothes - really don't suit you. Their styling is drab, and the colors do nothing for you."
"The coveralls are for crawling around in a dirty warehouse," I replied with some amusement, "I could care less about how they look, as long as they work."
"Ah, so it's a uniform," the white unicorn said, "Whom can I speak to about changing the design?"
"The man who tossed you in that box. As long as you have a Ouija board," I told her.
"Well, one shouldn't speak ill of the dead," she said primly, "So I have nothing at all to say."
"I take it there are others of your group?" I asked.
"Pinkie Pie and Applejack at least," the white unicorn said, she looked hopefully at the others, "Spike, or Celestia?"
"I never saw either of them," the purple unicorn said.
"Pinkie Pie," I thought aloud, "Pinkamena Diane Pie?" I asked with a growing worry.
"Yes," the white unicorn said, her gaze full of hope, which only added to my foreboding.
With a feeling of utter dread, I signaled them. "Follow me," I told them and marched towards the security area. The place I'd looked first, when I'd entered the warehouse. To make sure the holding fields and alarm systems were still intact and functioning.
The crate labeled 'Pinkamena Diane Pie do not open under any circumstances' was the approximate right size for a pony, if its head was bowed low, or taken off. I shooed the others out of the secure section and opened the twist latches on the box, opening the top and looking down. The sockets and connectors in the shoulders were the simple slide-in type, used in military assemblies so even a fumble-fingered recruit could assemble the hardware. The head and neck of the pink and magenta creature were below. I propped the lid open to block what I was doing from the others. Fitting the head and neck into the shoulders, I pushed down until the closures clicked. I opened the data port and used a portable scanner to verify the diagnostics were running. Once they were finished, I pulled the connectors, closed the port, and awaited the final boot up sequence. I could hardly imagine what had so frightened my normally implacable grand uncle about this particular one. So I waited for the boot up to finish outside in the observation bay, with the security shields full on, as this one came to full sentience.
"Hello!" the pink blur bounced out of the box and around the room. "Twilight! Rarity! Rainbow Dash! Fluttershy!" the pink ball of excitement shouted, crashed through the security shield, and staggered towards the others. "Wow, all kinds of new colors," she said happily and fell over sideways.
I looked at the diagnostic that said the shield emitters were working perfectly, at the object that just leapt through a level-seven containment field, and then at the others. "I think I know why my grand uncle had her locked up."
The pink pony bounced in front of me, periodically coming to eye-level. "So who are you? I've never seen you before. Are you our new master, some distant relative come here to save us from that crusty old man, needing the brave Ponyvillians to rescue a magic cat from a tree, trying to rebuild civilization after the collapse, some secret government plan to give every child a pony -?"
"Pinkie," the lavender unicorn tries to interrupt.
"Alien robot here to learn about humanity? Although we don't know any nice humans, I'm sure there are some, if there are any left, we can help you find them, unless there aren't any -"
"Pinkie Pie."
"We could tell you how they ought to be, and then we could make all their -"
"PINKIE PIE!" the unicorn shouted.
"Yes, Twilight?" the pink motor-mouth asked, hovering in midbounce.
"Have you seen Applejack?" the unicorn asked.
The pink mass of enthusiasm's hair seemed to deflate, seeming to cause her to lose the lift that was keeping her airborne. She landed, straight-haired and with a pensive expression. I personally thought that made her a lot prettier than the supposed pretty one. "Yes," she said quietly, and looked at me, "Should I tell them?"
"Do they need to know?" I asked, guessing the condition we were likely to find this 'Applejack' in.
The pink pony nodded. She bowed her head and stepped closer.
"All right," I said as she exposed the access panel on her neck. I opened it. "You aren't animals, you are machines. My grand uncle created you, for his own amusement. From what Pinkamena is telling me, he was especially brutal with your friend Applejack."
"Just let me at him!" the cyan pegasus called.
"I can point him out, and hand you a shovel. He's dead so he shouldn't be too much trouble," I told it.
"If I may be so bold," the pale unicorn said carefully, "What's your interest in all of this?"
"One, I came here to make sure he's actually dead, and my family was in such denial, they couldn't clean up the loose ends."
"Are we loose ends?" she asked carefully.
"Yes, ma'am," I told them, "Unless I can figure out what exactly you are. And two, I wanted to make certain my delightful family knew exactly what kind of monster they've been shielding all these years. For example, to frustrate their last hopes that the gravy train will continue, he left eleven, contradictory wills. All signed and dated the exact same date and time, and all with different, prestigious law firms. So none have precedence and lawyers for the family members will chew through all their savings, and probably most of the estate, before it is untangled."
"What a horrid man," the unicorn comments, "Beg pardon."
"Oh yes, I can't agree with you more," I replied, "In fact that's a good deal more tactful and polite than he deserves."
"Here we are," the pink mare said, "I think you might want to go in alone at first, and sort of clean thing up. You'll understand."
"I'm afraid I do," I said, "Stay here. There may be things that are a lot less friendly stored in here."
They nod worriedly, except the yellow one who starts looking at every crate and crevice as if it holds a deadly threat. I'm half tempted to just shut her off until I can get all of them outside.
The workshop was what I would have expected from an amateur hobbyist with scads of money. Just what his hobby was depended on the context you brought to the room. A charitable soul might have assumed the battered and damaged collection of pieces on the work tables had been brought there for repair after a horrible accident. If you knew the man, you knew he was the accident that had occurred to the hapless creature. I didn't jump when it stirred slightly, even in pieces, it was likely still 'alive'.
"Mah hat," it slurred, both from a damaged vocoder, and its accent. I glanced around and spotted a rather battered Stetson hanging from a hook. I carefully removed it, and carried it back to the table.
"I'm afraid I'll have to work on your head in a few moments, so I'll have to take it off and put it in your hooves," I told the creature that was one step from being a pile of spare parts as I fitted the hat over its battered head.
"Thank ye kindly," it replied, "You ain't like the other one."
"He's dead, I'm here to clean up the mess," I told it.
It sighed, resigned. "At least I die with my pa's hat on."
"I am not going to kill you," I told it without lying. You cannot kill what isn't alive. "But it is going to get complicated."
"Maybe dying ain't so bad after all," it said, and chuckled.
"Just be patient," I said and headed out the door. Trying to ignore the other figures held behind soundproof security screens.
Outside, the pink one was back to 'hair poofed out, manic grin' mode, and was showing her grin to her friends, after she had removed her head from her body and opened all her access ports and panels. The white unicorn and yellow pegasus were both out cold on the floor, flat on their backs, their legs sticking up in the air. The purple unicorn was examining the systems inside her friend's body with the air of amazement and utter horror. The cyan pegasus was circling frantically, looking for the mechanism to detach her own head, so she wouldn't trip it accidentally. At least I gathered that from her inarticulate stream of interjections. Mostly 'no's, 'can't's, 'accidently's, what-ifs, and 'I don't want to fall apart!'
I briefly consider threatening her with improper reassembly, but the sight in the workshop forestalled any such idea from passing my lips. "If you know how you go together, maybe you can help me with the orange, hat-obsessed pony."
"You found Applejack!" The pink haired head hovered inches from my nose. "I'll behave, I'll help, I'll - " The head landed back on the body's shoulders. The insane pink mane straightened out, and she took on a more dignified air. "I'll do anything to make my friends smile."
"I hope that's not 'anything'," I told her, "Sometimes friends have to be told 'no'."
"I'll think about that," she said.
"Okay, Purple, you calm down the whirligig, and see if you can wake up the drama queens, Pinkamena and I will get Applejack fixed up," I told the unicorn as the pink mare closed her access panels. It didn't bother me too much, except watching the turnkeys rotate themselves to lock the panels closed. That should have required a tool. I was really wondering what kind of goodies my grand uncle had packed into these small frames. I also was starting to suspect something else as we entered the workshop.
"Pinkie Pie," the mass of parts on the tables said weakly, "You loose too?"
"Yep, he let us all out," she said, then her hair poofed, and somewhere she got a manic grin. "Okie dokie loki! Operation Operational Applejack Operation."
"Uh no, please stop that tickles!" the pile of parts exclaimed from within the pink blur that surrounded it. "Make it stop! Make it stop!" it laughed uncontrollably as it went from a pile of parts to a coherent whole.
Then the pink blur materialized beside me. "Don't you have to mop my brow or something?" she asked, "They do it in all the doctor shows."
"Which doctor shows?" I asked, wondering if she was picking up broadcasts.
"That's who doctor, or is it the other way around?" she commented.
"Speakin' of 'the other way round'," the orange pony said of its backwards head, and foreleg/rear leg swap.
"Oh, easy peesy!" the pink mare said.
"Uh, let me do that," I told her, "You let your friends in."
"Okay!" she said happily.
"That's weapons-grade crazy right there," I commented as I detached and reset the orange pony's head and then the legs. She only growled when I knocked her hat off. "Let me guess, he played keep-away with your hat," I said as I replaced it.
"It's mah pa's hat, last thing he gave me afore . . . " she said, and looked away. I actually saw a blush. The craftsmanship was unbelievable. It made the unmoving figures behind the security gates even more disturbing.
I opened an access panel and found my old skills while rusty weren't entirely gone as I plugged in a diagnostic system to ensure that the internal systems were correct and running properly. And that any inhibitory safeguards weren't bypassed in the hasty reassemble. I immediately saw they weren't, and got confirmation of my private theory about this 'band of brothers'. "Lie quietly, let the machine check out that everything is fixed and set properly."
"Thank you," she said and laid her head down.
"Maybe we can find a chinstrap for your hat," I added as I walked over to the security gates. There were actual warnings on the activators kept in a small box. Either the idiot didn't trust his craving to mess with things and people, or he realized he was going senile and had to be reminded. The figures at the front of the secured bays were humanoid. 'Oid' because the wings and horns moved them firmly out of the purely human category. The first was white, not Caucasian, I mean white, bone white, and wore a very brief bikini of the same impossible color as her hair. I couldn't see if she had a bobbed tail, but a tail as full as her hair would have brushed the ground and trailed behind nearly a meter. The second was shorter, slightly shorter than me, and a dark, sapphire blue. And while the white one was built like a swimsuit model, albeit at two and a third meters, the second was human height, but built like a female superhero from the fetishier comics. And dressed in a harem costume. The third, extremely pink one was almost comical. I could have swung my arm straight out and not even brushed her hair, but she was as broad across the shoulders as I was, and sported and well-manicured beard with beads and bangles braided into it. The costume could be described as 750 square centimeters of chain mail in a belt and loin cloth arrangement, and two 250 centimeter saucepan lids with a raised starfish pattern. So it looked like the starfish had glommed onto for decency purposes. The Phrygian or Thracian helmet topped it off and probably weighed more than the rest of the 'clothing' combined. Looking at them together I realized: white Elf, dark blue human, and pink dwarf.
Behind each one was a winged unicorn of similar coloring, and a vaguely similar physiognomy. The elf's steed was sleeker and much taller, like a large thoroughbred. The human's was more solid and shorter, like a quarter-horse. The dwarf's pink pony was the same size and scale as the others outside, a bit leaner and prettier. What my uncle had planned for 'horse and rider' I should leave to the most dark and prurient portions of the imagination. I did realize that for whatever reason, they did not cooperate and he was unable to overcome by threats or programing blocks whatever made them so intractable.
With Applejack able to vouch for me, and by the dragging sounds, the others approaching, I decided I'd never have a better time to make a good first impression. I thumbed off the containment, and opened the door. Both of the figures were active within seconds.
Seconds later, I was across the room and landed on my back just hard enough to knock the wind out of me. That I missed every table and tool box, didn't slam into the wall full of sharp objects and my head hit far more softly than my back, gave me the weird impression that whoever did this didn't want to hurt me just yet. The white, winged unicorn was on top of me in an instant, standing over me and one forehoof on my throat. It lowered its head to face me, and immediate let out a series of furious whinnies and snorts.
So that's what chagrin looks like on a horse, I thought as it heard its own 'voice'.
DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc. The Bolo Series by Keith Laumer
"Princess! Don't hurt him!" the purple unicorn shouted as she raced to the winged unicorn's side, "He's rescuing us!"
The creature whickered at the little unicorn, a faint flash of frustration, then nuzzled the smaller equine. Purple happily nuzzled her back. All of this without increasing or decreasing the pressure on my throat in the slightest.
The elf approached, after releasing the others, so all twelve were loose in the rather crowded workshop. "I am Princess Celestia, who are you?" she asked.
"I'm not the one who incarcerated you. He's dead, and I'm here to help clean up this mess," I told the creatures surrounding me. I wondered if they were actually capable of harming a human, or if the threat display was a carefully orchestrated bluff. 'This far and no farther, but you don't need to know that'.
The elf placed her hand on her steed's shoulder, and the pressure was relieved. She offered a hand to help me up.
"I'm, quite comfortable explaining this to all of you from here," I told them from the floor, "As edgy as you are, any sudden moves on my part might provoke a reaction."
The white steed muttered something, that only the elf seemed to understand and she laughed about it. But both of them moved a few steps back. The human and the dwarf also were talking with their steeds, and seemed to be the only ones who could understand them. The others who'd been so talkative, quietly assembled around Applejack, and waited until the others completed their conferences. The behavior cemented my theory about how my grand uncle had managed to give these small frames both an advanced psychotronic brain, and all the other odd devices that let them fly and move things without touching them. It also explains why they want so badly to remain as a group, I thought as I lay on the ground and waited.
"Why were we created?" the human asked, much angrier than the elf, her steed practically glued to her hip. Her expression and that of her steed were equal parts rage, confusion and pain.
Does she want answers to strike back or explain away the pain? I wondered.
Despite her fearsome tone, her appearance and of course costume make me think of seraglio and sweaty bodies between the sheets. Which is probably what they were intended for anyway, I realized
"As toys to be played with, or broken as he chose," I replied truthfully. The pink party stands over my head and stares down at me.
"Why would hurting ponies be fun?" she asked.
"Because hurting people would get him in trouble," I told her, "Hurting machines indistinguishable from people in body would get him in trouble, but hurting ponies with minds like people would be ignored."
The pink hair straightened. "But, why?" she asked sadly.
"There is such a thing as evil, and such a thing as insanity. He had both," I told them. "I don't know if telling you it was 'nothing personal' would help or harm."
The colorful creatures looked at each other and weighed the implications. The steed and rider combos seemed a good deal less sanguine about the whole thing. There was a bit of sniffling among them.
"I know this is rather macabre, but can you check Applejack's memories for the past three weeks and see if there are any anomalies," the dwarf asked carefully.
"The diagnostic tools should do that," I told them and they gave me space to get up.
The orange mare seemed nervous. "Ya'all kin read mah mind?" she asked nervously and glanced at the scanner still plugged in.
"With more sophisticated equipment, yes. With this, no. All this can do is scan the registry." The scan was cursory, and it had a couple of anomalies. "There's a few time sections when the registry is blank. Your memories should be holographic, that is, part of it is stored several places, so if anything is lost, a lower resolution copy of the whole still exists. This is a deliberate and high-order erasure."
"Thank you," the elf said. The tone told me that we'd discuss it later. When the little ones couldn't hear.
Once disconnected and closed up, the orange mare landed beside me. "I think we might wanna find Spike," she said firmly, "Cause I wanna get outta here." She nudged me to encourage me to move towards the door. More insistent than forceful. I complied. I could tell the purple one was bursting with questions about memory.
"Uh, you mentioned that there were several conflicting wills," the white unicorn began carefully, "And as we are - property, might we be tied up in probate?" This also deflected the purple unicorn.
"No. I made it very clear to all the law firms that the contents of this building would be mine to dispose of as I saw fit. Now that I have a better idea of what went on here, I'm less inclined to use 'dispose of' in the most common form."
"Thank goodness," the white unicorn said and smiled.
Old instinct cropped up and I turned to find the Elf, Human and Dwarf all grinning happily, with a certain predatory air about them. That's trouble for later, I reminded myself.
"What was this Spike?" I asked.
"He was my assistant," the purple unicorn piped up happily, then grew sad, "And my good friend."
"Heartwarming, but I mean appearance, size, shape, color. And remember I don't know anything about your world," I told her.
"He's a baby dragon and he talks!" The yellow pegasus showed her enthusiasm. "He's this tall, and he's an adorable shade of purple!"
"So purple, little guy." I felt the laughter of my grand uncle from the grave. "I think I know where to start looking." I started marching through the alleyway between the stacked boxes and the displays.
"You guessed it that easy?" pink enthusiasm asked.
"I just had to remember the sense of humor we were dealing with," I admitted as we moved through the warehouse.
To relate that there was a fair amount of terrified screaming, and lots of heartfelt sobs would be obvious, considering my reaction to traversing these same paths earlier. If these 'ponies' wanted any proof of the malevolent mind that had created them and then set upon them, they had proof all around them. Pieces or hints of old friends, bits of buildings they recognized. I mercilessly pressed forward. I knew we'd have to go through the boxes and displays later. The collection of odd vehicles at one end of the warehouse was my goal. We pushed on through many tears and much heartbreak at the broken 'toys', some of which these ponies could name.
The vehicle was big, not compared to the immense monsters that roamed the battlefields of the Concordiat, but as big as a locomotive. It was purple, except for the belly and the antennae which were green. It looked like a variant of the ancient Russian T-35 or Vickers Independent. Multi-turreted tanks had a renaissance with the addition of psychotronics allowing the coordination of multiple turrets, and the fact that mounting the biggest gun on the hull was no longer practical. Lots of smaller guns, still in the megaton per shot range, made sense again.
"Spike?" the purple unicorn asked, then looked at me as if I'd lost my mind.
"Remember what I said about the sense of humor," I told her and considered how I was going to get it out of the building. "There is no way I'm firing that up in here."
"Can you open the door?" the elf asked, "If we put him outside, will it be safe?"
"As safe as any scared newbie with a tank," I replied.
What I watch next remains utterly terrifying to this day. With just the glow of their horns, the two of them, elf and thoroughbred, lift the huge machine up over all the other vehicles and towards the large loading door. I had the presence of mind to get it open, because that much mass would have plowed through the building. It's clear the two were straining, but that was still some sixty tons they were maneuvering about.
The daylight revealed the word 'Spike' painted on the side of the massive tank in small type. There was no conventional activator, even my grand uncle wouldn't have been foolish enough to allow the simple activation of such a war-machine. Two of the turrets were multiple plasma rifles. Two others were heavier single plasma cannons. The main turret looked like an old-fashioned artillery piece.
"That's Spike?" the white unicorn asked worriedly.
"I would guess so," I told her as I walked around the vehicle looking for an access port of some kind for commanding the vehicle. Finding none, I glanced back at the elf and her mount and found them staring at me. "I'll need a lot more tools and equipment to check him out," I admit.
"So, put him back inside?" the humanish one asked, "You certainly demand a lot."
"I'm sorry if I wasn't fully prepared for this," I told them, "I was not prepared to run into anything like all of you."
The dwarf pats me on the hip. "We weren't expecting you," she said happily, "We keep expecting you to act like the only other human we've ever seen."
I accepted the not-quite apology, and helped clear an area just inside the door for them to set 'Spike' inside.
Then we returned to the grim business of identifying any of the broken toys, or crates as names of 'people' or places they recognized. There were more than a few breakdowns as they found pieces of friends and loved ones. All told, at least twenty of the creatures or recognizable pieces of them resided in the warehouse. The repair station and secured holding area soon became a collection of piles of parts that, if complete, might restore their friends. Fortunately for me, but most assuredly not them, none had the sophisticated brains of the twelve I had discovered. There would be no simple solution for that.
The immediate problem of the twelve had a simple solution, one I could easily start the ball rolling on, as well as on 'Spike'. The sun was beginning to set when I called a halt. While the purple unicorn 'Twilight Sparkle' had developed a 'spell' to let them sense pieces of other ponies. The job of hauling out crates, and digging through their macabre contents, then comforting the distraught at finding, and even being greeted by pieces of friends, relatives or neighbors had taken its toll on all of us. I called a halt, and asked the entirely rhetorical question. "I've got quarters a short ways away, who wants to go there, and who wants to spend the night in here?"
"Lead the way," a very subdued Pinkie said.
The quarters I'd taken was the old 'garden house' rather than the main house which was full of my relatives. Most of whom were still 'recovering' from the experience of poking around the warehouse. Even the snotty grandchildren wouldn't go in there for dares. The garden house was equally off limits having none of the amenities and more creepy artwork. I wonder if they ever heard of drawers and an off switch, I wondered as I entered with the coterie right behind.
"Don't open the drawers of any of the cabinets, or that closet with the tape over the door. I think he came here to get ideas, and I don't think I want you having any of those inspirations," I told them.
Some laughed nervously at that. The pink one, Pinkie headed for the kitchen. Where she produced the chef's hat from, I do not know. Once she arrived, she looked nonplused. "I thought I'd fix something to eat, but once I arrived, I realized I wasn't hungry. Are you hungry Applejack? Are you Fluttershy? Are you Twilight? Are you Rarity?"
"Of course I'm Rarity," the white unicorn replied, "Who else could be me?"
The pink one frowned at being bested at her usual game. I also got the idea that the white unicorn was showing off to impress the person with her and her friends' lives in his hands. I decided to relieve her worries.
"You've been awfully quiet," I said to the rainbow maned pegasus.
"We never found Scoots," she said quietly, trying to sound tough.
"We aren't finished searching, Rainbow," Twilight, the purple one said, "We can finish tomorrow."
The dam collapsed. "And if we do find her, what then?" she shouted, "Find her in pieces, like AJ, or find only some of the pieces, like Cheerilee? Or maybe we aren't looking in the right place, maybe she won't be anything like what we knew, like Spike!" The tears had started, and now wouldn't stop. The others clustered around the distraught pegasus.
I knelt down so I was head high to them. "We haven't finished the search, and Twilight's spell did find Spike, despite his altered body." It was one experiment I'd demanded we run on her 'spell'. "If she's there, we'll find her. If she isn't, you'll know she stayed out of his hands."
Her answering nuzzle nearly knocked me off my feet.
"It's not that I -"
"If you say you don't care about her, I'll call off the search," I told her sternly. "Don't lie to me, that's the one thing I will not tolerate. My grand uncle and his defenders lied all the time."
She gulped and nodded.
"Good. She's a friend, and a neighbor," I told her, "That's enough."
She nodded shyly.
"Now, you can decide whether you are hungry or not. From what I saw, keep your food consumption low. You don't need to eat, but your systems can process a small amount of food," I told them, "I need to get started on getting you all out of here and somewhere a bit safer."
"Where?" Rarity asked, "We would be, toys for your amusement, wherever we went."
"There are a few places where people don't have the luxury of abusing someone who can put in a full day's work," I told them. I headed to my room, and the private communications console there. Despite the myths, fast-than-light communication is neither easy nor cheap. Far cheaper is sending a videogram, and awaiting the answer. Someone insisting on a video conference would expect minutes, perhaps hours. So when my sister's image appeared on the screen, I knew somebody was footing the bill for a lot more than I'd intended to pay.
"Colonel," I said and saluted.
"On a personal call, and you still salute me better than most of the kids out of OSC. But don't panic. I'm insystem. What's the problem?"
"Is that your sister? She's pretty. Is she gonna visit too? You wanna see a magic trick?" Pinkie asked, somehow jumping up on my left to see the screen, then without crossing in front or behind me, jumping up on my right. My little sister', the Colonel's, reaction was stunned amazement. Pinkie wasn't done, she put her hoof in her mouth in her mouth, blew hard, and all her access panels flew open, displaying her inner workings to the Ninth Area's regional chairman of The Advanced Technologies Applications Division. Basically the officer in charge of putting demilitarized tech in the hands of the citizenry, and combing through the citizens' goofy ideas for what would benefit the military. I doubt she'd ever had one of the devices audition the way Pinkie was.
"I see," she said.
"You aren't amazed?" Pinkie asked in disappointment.
"Get up here and show her your other trick." I vacated the seat.
"Okie doki loki!" Pinkie said, and once on the chair in front of the screen, all the covers snapped shut, the turn keys sealed them, and the concealment covered snapped into place. She was back to being indistinguishable from a living creature. All without Pinkie touching any of them. "But that's boring," Pinkie complained.
"Not to me it isn't," the Colonel said. A moment later the sister surfaced. "What was the old man thinking?"
"Not on the future," I replied, "I need two, no make that three DM-HH-234567-6's or two and a dash twelve."
My sister nodded at Pinkie, and I nodded back.
"Sweet Jesus," she said, "And he was . . . "
"If you have to ask, you can guess yourself," I told her.
"Oh, that's just too weird," she replied, "Okay. Fold the hort, the Buerocav's on the way. Thundering forms and red tape flashing in the wind." She cut the connection. She'd seen these ponies had military potential, and that they had HUGE civilian potential. She did not want to discuss any of that over an open channel.
"Buerocav?" Pinkie asked.
"Yes. The mighty swivel-chair hussars. The red-tape mavens," I pronounced expansively, "The RAMFs who keep us safe by demanding orders for toilet paper in triplicate."
Pinkie stared at me as we returned to the group in the living room. The horses had moved all the furniture to the walls, and were collecting in the center. The dwarf was with them, the elf and 'human' were still standing, although their mounts were with the ponies, much to the latter's delight.
"Come on, Pinkie," the dwarf said, "He needs his rest, and we could do with some ourselves."
"He said a RAMF is coming to save us, with red tape," Pinkie said in confusion.
"Now that would be a magic trick," the elf said and laughed.
"My sister can pull it off," I said. "I've been holding off telling you, but you'll be staying together. Wherever you go, the military will see to it. That's part of what that conversation was about."
There were cheers and hugs, some including me, but the elf put her foot down and escorted me from the cheerful crowd.
Once we were in the bedroom, and the door was closed, with me, the human and the elf thing got more complicated. It's amazing the things you can pick out from the background noise, in this case, happy ponies celebrating their not emancipation, but their togetherness. Cloth doesn't make much noise when it hits carpet, especially when there isn't much of it. But I heard it, very clearly.
It's also not often you stand at a crossroads, and see it clearly. I had many paths ahead of me, but they basically fell into two options. I could treat what I'd heard as a machine going through a duty/behavior cycle. Or I could treat it as a sophont making an offer, no matter how misguided. Or desperate, I realized.
"You don't have to do this. There are technical and legal reasons to keep you all together," I said, without turning around.
The warm chuckle reminds me of another reason I tagged the tall one as 'elf'. She was better than me, nobler, stronger, more thoughtful, but still so amused, delighted and fascinated by us that it never came across as condescending. I had the feeling that despite still having the power of life and death over them, I had subtly been moved from master to charge.
"A gentleman, in this day and age?" She solved the question of turning around by stepping in front of me.
I could have dropped my eyes to look at what her nakedness displayed, or raised them to look her in the eye. I raised them, for more reasons than politeness. The faint pinkness of her cheeks and other places gave me a whole plethora of clues about her mental state, and I would some have trouble keeping my reaction hidden.
"Perhaps you need to know a few things about us. At least Cadence, Luna and I. To ease your discomfort, let us be clinical," she said warmly, a teasing tone, "Your grand uncle created us first, or so he told us. We were programed with all manner of requisite skills. We were programmed to revel in both the application of those skills, and their enthusiastic reception. He also gave us a great desire to use those skills with him."
I nodded, not trusting myself to speak while this warm, beautiful creature explained.
"After he created us, he created the other ponies," Celestial said.
"Or he'd always had them and was lying to us," Luna added as she stepped around to stand beside her sister. She, mercifully, was still clothed. Although there were subtle hints she was not as disinterested as her tone indicated.
"He would keep us paralyzed, but awake," Celestia said, "And drag one of the ponies in and . . . the erasures you marveled at were not mercy. It was so they'd be just as terrified the next time he did it."
For the first time I saw anger, not enjoyment on her face. I took a step back, not knowing how she'd react to this long-buried fury.
The voice that continued was a lost little girl, not understanding why someone had hurt her so, "Can you imagine what it feels like to be so superbly trained in a skill, to desperately enjoy its application. And some petty tyrant instead drags some terrified innocent in to do what they are neither willing nor qualified to do?"
"I was in the Army for twelve years, of course I've seen it," I replied.
That seemed to break the tension in her, and Luna. Luna snorted and bowed her head. Celestia began laughing, not a polite, 'ladylike' laugh, but a full belly laugh as she rested her hands on her knees and shook from the effort. They both laughed in their own way for several minutes. One would seem to get control, look at the other and burst out laughing again.
"Thank you. We needed that," Luna said while her sister was still laughing. "She may be too polite to tell you, but I'm not. You are the first of your family who was decent to us. Others, watched or helped the games, without lifting a finger or voicing a protest. We are well aware of other humans besides your uncle," Luna said, while struggling with her top, "Who designs 'sexy clothes' you need a saw to get out of."
"Someone who remembered stripping your 'prize' is half the fun," I explained.
"I note you haven't offered to help," Luna said as she looked at me intently, "We aren't machines who 'must have sex or we'll die!'" she said theatrically, "This isn't a carnal bribe or payment for services rendered."
Celestia had sobered and straightened up by then. She was a bit disheveled, but she managed to make it look fetching. "I hadn't wanted to be quite that clinical. But Luna is correct, we offer a love gift. Thanks for saving us, and protecting our ponies." She looked concerned for a moment, then smirked. "Are you uncomfortable coupling with a machine?"
"Ma'am," I told her, "I've had duty stations where a bit of grease on a rolled up towel was the height of decadence."
"What about your fellow soldiers?" Luna asked.
"The nearest one was two hours away, one if we tried to rendezvous, which would have gotten us both in endless trouble. Add to that a rotten personality, a firm belief that others were to be stepped on to insure promotion, hygiene that would repulse a sand-lizard, a face that could double as an anti-personnel mine, and all the intellectual restraint and maturity of a pissed-off two-year-old. I wouldn't have 'coupled' for all the wealth of the galaxy."
"He sounds unpleasant enough to avoid," Luna said.
"She was also my commanding officer," I replied, "And the only entity I wish my uncle had gotten his hands on. Although, knowing him, he would have married her to spite everyone."
Celestia and Luna seemed amused and distracted by the banter, but not long enough. "If you don't want us, just say so."
I had no doubt they could tell just how true or false such a statement would have been. I also knew I had to get out of there quickly. As Luna maneuvered to catch me in a 'sandwich' with Celestia, I stepped away. Honestly may be the best policy, I thought.
"While I appreciate the offer, I don't think it's a good idea," I said firmly.
"You aren't 'forcing us' into this," Luna reiterated, "We want to do this."
"Let's just say you're going to be gravely disappointed," I told them, I sighed, "One of the few girl friends I had who tried to stay a lover, nicknamed me 'point and shoot', and not because I could snap-shoot with a rifle."
Celestia smiled and put her arms around my neck. "Why don't we show you what we know?" she said gently, "I think you'll find that we won't be disappointed, no matter what happens."
I was going to go anyway, and could feel the pressure building. I nodded, and let Celestia lead me to the bed.
"Just relax, and let us do the work. Your grand uncle was a vicious, evil man, but he wanted us to know everything we were missing."
"Oh God," I murmured as Luna pulled off my pants with the glow of her horn.
DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc. The Bolo Series by Keith Laumer
Bipedal Celestia slipped out of the bed and padded across the room silently. She spared a glance back at their benefactor and her bipedal sister. I guess I shouldn't be jealous, I may be 'more beautiful', but she's definitely plusher and cuddlier, she thought as she slipped through the door.
In the living room, the ponies were all asleep. The Cadences, pony Luna and pony Celestia were still awake.
Her counterpart gave a soft whicker snort that showed her feelings for what Celestia and Luna had done with their master.
"If you had thought of it, or if he'd shown interest, it would have been you in there," she replied in their private code. Her counterpart frowned, because it was partially true.
Celestia stretched happily as she selected a chair to sit down in. While she would have loved to cuddle with her little ponies, she didn't want to disturb their sleep, or whatever it seemed to be.
She had enjoyed his gentleness, and that she'd been able to help somewhat with his condition. Should I tell him that his great-uncle had it worse? she briefly considered then shelved the thought, Now is too delicate a time. If I overburden him, he may tip over. He doesn't have to help us. He can shut us off, take us to pieces and erase our minds. I don't want us pushing him to consider that possibility. She stood and looked out of the window at 'the big house'. That's also something he's going to have to deal with. If they think we'll tell what they did, or if they think we're worth money, he's going to have a hard time keeping us.
She returned to her seat and watched her little ponies sleeping, carefree and heedless of what had been done to them in the past, and what threatened them in the future. And I and Luna will have to watch our tempers. Not all humans are like the ones we've met before. He and his sister seem decent, and consider the old man a perversion. I don't know if I could hurt someone to protect my ponies. And I don't know if my reticence is my own, or built in as a safeguard. She shook her head. I don't know.
She looked at the concerned expression on her counterpart's face. "We're going to have to fix that little problem," she told the alicorn, who nodded.
The night passed slowly. Celestia heard the soft sounds of the sleeping ponies, happy sounds all. Although Rainbow Dash called out Scootaloo's name once, then shifted into a happier dream. In the room where Luna was, she heard the soft scuffling that indicated he'd woken up and decided to give Luna back some of what they'd given him. Luna's soft, happy cries made Celestia smile. If he sees us as people, able to feel pleasure and pain, we will have a better chance, she considered as the sound died away.
The day began before morning, he rose, showered and headed into the kitchen before the sun had risen. Celestia stood, entered the kitchen and hugged him from behind.
"Good morning," she said.
"I think we need to get you some new clothes," he said, "While your early outfit was fetching, I need you to be a bit more intimidating. And I doubt any of my suits will fit."
"Rarity is an excellent clothing designer. She can help," Celestia said.
"How, without hands . . . " He shook his head. "Never mind, she'll show me," he said.
She grinned that he accepted, simply accepted her ponies and seemed unlikely to force them into roles they were unhappy with.
He looked at her with concern. "Something funny?" he asked.
"Something delightful," she said, "You evidently walked away from all of this. We couldn't. But when you walk away again, we'll come with you. Or at least be with people who think we're valuable."
"I'm not offering the paradise you seem to think it is," he warned, "Frontier planets means frontier. Things aren't as safe and easy as they are in the heart worlds."
"We haven't seen any of those 'safe and easy' parts. What we expect will probably be as primitive as the frontier, or your frontier will be well ahead of what we expect."
He shrugged.
The ponies had begun stirring as the sounds and smells of cooking began to fill the air. A woman in a uniform burst in and looked around frantically. Celestia released him and took a step back.
"Ooo! Ooo! Her Colonelness!" Pinkie shouted excitedly, excitedly for Pinkie Pie. She then stood on her hind legs and gave the best salute the pony-form allowed.
The shocked woman returned it. "I thought I'd catch you making breakfast, but who's the team you've got working in the warehouse?" she asked.
He stared at her open-mouthed, then shut off the heating units and still half-dressed, sprinted for the door. Celestia followed, and so did nearly every pony, save one.
"Just five more minutes," Rainbow Dash mumbled, followed by, "OW! OW! OW! I'm awake, I'm awake!"
Applejack release Rainbow after dragging her behind the others. "If them two-legged timberwolves got in among our kinfolk, this ain't no time ta be napping!" Applejack scolded angrily, then galloped off to pass the others.
The panic changed tenor as they got close enough to see that the main house was still dark, and the sound of childlike laughter sounded from the warehouse.
"Please don't tell me," Rarity lamented as she ran.
"I ain't telling nobody nothin', 'cept him," Applejack said as she passed everyone, and stopped in front of the door. "Please, uh, sir, they don't mean no harm, they're just high-spirited fillies," Applejack said, her hat over her heart, looking plaintive.
"Applejack, move," he said quietly, with a tone of command.
The farm pony moved slowly, to show obedience, but she had her say, "If there's punishment, let it fall on me."
"Applejack, you are not taking the Crusaders' punishment alone," Rarity said.
"Let's get one thing straight," he said once Applejack had obeyed, "I was more worried about my family getting in among your friends. If your friends are making the mess, you're all cleaning it up."
"That's Sugarcube Corners, it goes in bay 12," came a call from an ancient voice that could only have one source. The door opened to Granny Smith. "If you're up, you younguns git in here and work. Ha! Slugabeds lettin' the aged do all the work."
There was another burst of laughter as two familiar ponies trotted up. They looked all right, until Celestia saw their tails, which had been exchanged. They were more embarrassed than angry. The Crusaders' laughter was almost enough to push her over.
"How do two such red creatures managed to so clearly blush?" the Colonel asked her brother.
"The man was a certified genius," the man replied.
"Or an authentic wacko," the Colonel replied, as if it was a long-familiar exchange.
"Pinkie, go switch their tails back," he told her, "But be gentle, those tails are more important than you think."
"Roger, Roger, danger dodger," Pinkie said and saluted. Then trotted up to the pair. "Do you want to see a magic trick?" Pinkie asked. In the background at least 40 ponies, some without tails, pegasi without wings, or ponies with as few as two legs struggled with crates and boxes, pieces of buildings, and furniture.
"Ah," Luna began to the Colonel, "This is going to take some explaining."
"It's my grand uncle's work, that'll cover just about anything up to the sun going nova," the Colonel said, "And only stopping there because that kind of physics bored him."
"SCOOTALOO!" Rainbow shouted happily, as the filly landed on her idol's head and looked down at her face. The large mismatched wings briefly concealed the filly's total lack of legs.
"Scoots! What happened?" Rainbow asked in horror.
The filly took it in stride. "I woke up in a box, with all these great wings, and Sweetie Belle was there, and she only had three legs, and she'd taken two from Applebloom just to get around, well I figured with all these wings, I could do without legs for a little while. So Applebloom and Sweetie Belle have some of mine, and I've got these great wings!" The little pegasus took off and flew in a tight circle. "See!"
"Yeah, that's great Scoots," Rainbow Dash said nervously.
"It's what I figured you'd do," Scootaloo said earnestly as she fluttered in front of Rainbow Dash.
That did it for Rainbow, she burst into tears.
"This is a weird dream," Scootaloo said as she tried to soothe her 'tough' mentor.
"You don't know the half of it," the Colonel said.
Cheerilee and Big Mac walked back, correct tails in place, both of them looking like they'd seen Discord's soul. Pinkie was giggling about it as she Pinkie hopped back, so she'd probably blown open all her access panels and showed them her insides.
"Then I walked through an energy wall, and the colors you see after that are amazing!" Pinkie said.
"Level Six security barrier?" the Colonel asked.
"Level Seven," her brother replied, "Unique ability."
"I should hope so," the colonel replied in horror.
The approach of the two fillies worried Celestia some. Considering the use we were put to . . . she didn't want to finish the thought.
She saw the colonel scan the Crusaders, and come to the same conclusion Celestia had. Whatever there is that binds the six, also binds those three, she realized.
The entry of Pony Celestia and Pony Luna brought all work to a halt, as the ponies set down what they were doing and bowed to the two majestic equines. Bipedal Celestia and Bipedal Luna exchange glanced, then both got a stern glance from both Cadences.
'Don't muck about with ponies who are just hanging on in a nightmare', Celestia thought of Cadences' warning.
Pony Celestia coughed, and Bipedal Celestia approached. "My little Ponies, there are some things which we can explain now, others which we will need your forbearance with. Simply put, while the Celestia, Luna and Cadence some of you are familiar with can hear, they cannot speak, but we'll be fixing that. I am proud that all of you pitched in to help your friends, your neighbors and your town. Please, do continue."
Predictably, the ponies mobbed the equines, and respectfully asked questions, offered allegiance, and assured them that whatever pieces they were missing, they could still serve. Celestia did her best to hold back proud tears that her ponies could be so brave and undisturbed at such a time. The two bipeds stepped forward to offer translations, thanks and praise.
Then they returned to work at the royals' urgings. Pinkie going to fix 'the jigsaw puzzles', and the two humans and Cadences went with her. She was soon left with just herself. She watched her ponies. Ponies flying, ponies walking, some using unicorn magic to move things. Some obviously incomplete, but it didn't stop them. They accepted it and soldiered on. All of them earnestly searching for more pony pieces, or pony buildings. Granny Smith directing it all, her 'saggy, old hip' a thing of the past. Occasionally, Granny would cut out some of the incomplete or mixed-part ponies, and send then to the workshop. Since more often than not they came back whole and integrated, they were finding the parts they needed.
She sighed. Feeling melancholy again. I and my sisters have seen true evil, yet my ponies remain innocent, happy, and unaware. This is a bad dream, or maybe just a 'weird' dream. Legs and wings, and horns and tails are all just parts to be swapped. If they discuss it, they will not know the horror of this place.
She noted Twilight galloping towards her, the mare's expression one of terror and confusion.
"What is it Twilight?" she asked as the mare skidded to a stop.
"We found Discord," Twilight said.
She felt her heart grow cold. She hid her terror at what the madman would have done with a kindred soul like Discord. "Get the humans. They'll need to examine him, before we decide to do anything."
"Rarity's doing that," Twilight said and headed back the way she'd run.
She trotted after the mare, but the tone of the ponies' work took on a more subdued air.
Now they wonder what other enemies might lurk in the boxes they've been opening so casually, Celestia thought.
"It's all right," she told the ponies, "He'd as paralyzed as he would be if he were still encased in stone."
That seemed to relieve them, she thought as she caught up with the humans who had come from the workshop.
"This 'Discord', a problem?" the colonel asked. Both she and her brother were now wearing sidearms.
"The worst in Equestrian history," Celestia said.
They arrived at the crate and it was clearly Discord inside. Celestia would never forget him and what he did. While the humans did a search, Celestia took Twilight and her friends aside. "Have you found the Elements of Harmony?" she whispered, equally terrified of both possible answers.
"No, Highness," Applejack said quietly, "But Lyra and Luna are searching for them now."
Celestia nodded, then watched the two humans continue their search of Discord, and examine the readings their portable scanners could pick up. After several nerve-wracking minutes, they felt ready to share.
"You want the bad news, or the worse news," he asked.
"I can't think of anything worse that having found Discord," Luna admitted as she arrived.
"I have to agree," her humanoid counterpart added. "We got replacement vocoders," human-Luna explained, "You two should go as soon as possible."
Celestia got the hidden message that the Elements could not be found.
"Well, the bad news is, he's empty. There are mounting points and cabling for a very sophisticated brain, a whole lot of flight and 'magical' capabilities, and a huge power generation system to run all of it," the man said, "And evidence it was all once installed. Maybe even powered up."
"How can news be worse than that?" Pony Luna asked.
"It was all installed at one time," the colonel explained, "Either the pieces were subdivided among other projects. Or they were all moved to one, new chassis."
"Spike!" Twilight gulped.
"That's what I'm afraid of," the colonel said.
"Wait-a-minute," Rainbow exclaimed, "You think they build Tank-Spike out of Discord pieces." She paused and shook her head. "I can't believe I said that."
"That's what I'm afraid of," he replied to Rainbow as he closed the box. "The rest of the bad news is that if we can't find the rest of the parts, some of the others may go the same route."
"This is just too weird," Rainbow said.
"You're saying we'll have to, ah, scavenge parts from him to, complete our friends?" Rarity asked timorously.
"Afraid so," he replied.
The whole idea of using Discord as spare parts does have its appeal, Celestia said, I don't think my ponies would be happy. Although allowing Discord to rise again is not in the cards either.
"You two better get that vocoder upgrade," Bipedal Cadence said as she and Pony Cadence arrived.
"We'll keep searching here, and we'll help them search Spike," Pony Cadence said.
Celestia looked at her Equine counterpart and proceeded towards the workshop.
With the humans back there, and Cadences, who is running the repairs shop? she wondered.
"I got the horse right here, the name is Paul Revere, and here's a guy that says that if weather's clear: can do, can do, this guy says the horse can do. If he says the horse can do, can do, can do," came an all too familiar voice.
Joined in by another, "I'm pickin' Valentine, 'cause on the morning line a guy has got him figured at five to nine. Has chance, has chance, this guy says the horse has chance, if he says the horse has chance, has chance, has chance."
The two Celestias looked at each other, sighed and walked into where Pinkie Pie and Sweetie Belle were singing as they sorted limbs and wings by size, function and color.
"We need a new vocoder," Bipedal Celestia said as she approached.
"Okie Dokie Loki, yer Highnessship!" Pinkie said as she produced one and approached, "We've learned how to keep the blue smoke in. This stuff doesn't work once the blue smoke gets out."
"Don't worry your Highness, we've done this before, four times, and the ponies always left satisfied," Sweetie Belle assured her.
Luna and Cadence don't add up to four, Bipedal Celestia thought as the two carefully opened the hidden panels on both Celestias and began working. The pair were careful and respectful, but Pony Celestia kept staring at her bipedal counterpart with concern, especially when they hooked cables from Bipedal Celestia's throat, to Pony Celestia's.
"Thank you," the equine said as the pair removed the cables, closed the access hatches and stepped away.
The three ponies danced and clapped their hooves at their success.
"We've got parts to give you another set of legs," Sweetie Belle offered, "It wouldn't be any trouble."
"So you think a centaur look would be good?" Bipedal Celestia said.
Pony Celestia snorted and shook her head.
"Are those humans as soft as you?" Sweetie Belle asked, "Seems like they'd get hurt real easy."
"Yes, they are, and yes they can. We'll need to watch out for our benefactors," Bipedal Celestia said.
Sweetie Belle nodded.
The pair left to hunt down the Discord searchers. Unfortunately, they were all clustered around Tank-Spike.
"No where else?" Pony Celestia asked as she approached, and endured the hugs and happy noises that she could now speak.
Bipedal Celestia stayed back from the commotion. The humans approached her. Ponies with ponies, Bipeds with bipeds, a problem, or just comfort level?
"Everything from the Discord carcass is here. Without powering it up, we can't tell what the dominant personality will be, your student's assistant, your enemy, or some weird combination of the two," he told her.
"From what I know of your grand uncle, I would suspect the last. To sow terror and pain among the ponies," Celestia replied.
"Well, I think we need to lay down some carpet bombing of our own," the Colonel said, "They are probably up and gathering for breakfast. This is as good a time as any to put the fear of God and the Concordiat in them."
"Agreed," he said, "But we'll need Rarity to give you some better clothes. Fetching as it is, that's not very intimidating attire."
She looked down and understood she'd been following pony traditions, running around and working naked. She couldn't help herself, "Wouldn't this be appropriate?"
"If you were muscled like an amazon and carrying a bloodied war axe, it might be perfect, but I think you need a suit," the Colonel said primly.
Celestia nodded, then glanced over at her equine counterpart and considered just the humanoid going. We'll have to accept being separated by distance, and function. The ponies barely acknowledge me, when she's there. I wonder if this is how Luna felt. Doing the best you can, and no one notices while the glorious Celestia is there. I'm going to have to talk to Luna about that.
"Let's collect Rarity," Celestia said, "And I think there are some coveralls that could be made to serve."
Rarity was brought in to work, and had to be admonished rather forcefully, that simplicity was a virtue in human clothing. But in the end she managed 'understated elegance', modeling on the Colonel's uniform. Then the three of them proceeded towards the house.
"I can't tell which of us is more nervous," Celestia admitted. She remembered the spires and airy designs of Canterlot. The building she was approaching reminded her of the body of a crouching toad. If the toad were immense and blackened by time or fire. The windows seemed the only break in the absolutely drab sameness of the building. Even the dark stone it was made from lacked the veins of color that had so highlighted Canterlot's marble, or even the different finishes of the concrete the warehouse was composed of. This place is militantly drab, she thought as she walked.
The entry into the building changed her opinion completely. The reds and greens and golds were unnaturally vivid, like a grass-stained, bloodied gold statue, only more so. The brother and sister were not intimidated, they were disgusted. The bright artificial lighting, while the curtains remained drawn, as if not even light was permitted to enter without the inhabitants' approval.
"I take it the decor is not to your liking," Celestia said.
"I've seen brothels that weren't this gauche," he said, "And on Mantram V, that's saying something."
"They spliced in chamaeleon," the Colonel explained, "And so they paint the buildings garishly, and try to blend in. So it's easy top tell the tourists from the natives. Transhumanism, the big deal that would make us immortal gods, reduced to just another toy," she chuckled.
"Buildings that are supposed to be garish, are eyewateringly so," he concluded.
Celestia nodded and then saw what would have fit in with her ponies own garish and rococo style. She stifled her anger at the faces she recognized. The laughers, those who would tease her while her ponies suffered, or assisted in the suffering.
"Easy," the colonel soothed, "Living well is the best revenge."
They went through it too, and they survived and escaped, Celestia reminded herself, Like they'll do with my ponies.
"Well, Bootsie, and What's His Face," one of the peacocks who liked to handle the whip himself approached. "Never darken our doorstep, but where there's money in the air, come flocking back." The smiled faded and the friendliness dropped away. "You won't get a brass farthing if I have any say in the matter."
"Good thing you don't then." A woman hurried up, as flamboyantly dressed as the male and heavily made up to conceal she'd aged well before her time. "I know you couldn't make it before, but you're here now, and we can be a family again."
The hostility radiating off the younger pair towards this woman was palpable, despite them doing everything in their power to hide it.
"Celestia, our mother," the colonel offered.
The woman's good cheer curdled instantly. "That's one of his . . . toys?"
"He moved on after the toys others gave him bit back," the colonel said jovially, "Now that we've had our touching family scene, where are the lawyers?"
The woman, properly chastened, led them to a collection of much more sedately dressed men and women. They looked at the group approaching.
"You can't believe anything that bone woman has told you," one of the peacocks jumped up and announced.
The look of pain on the collection of sharks was also well hidden, but flashed through all of them.
"Good to see you," the de facto leader of the sharks said and offered a handshake to each of the three. Some of the sharks and peacocks were surprised he'd included Celestia. "I take it you're here to discuss the disposition of the warehouse."
"Quite," the colonel said and handed the leader a sheave of papers. "The original has been uploaded to your offices, but the hard copy is a courtesy."
The leader handed out the papers to the others with the air of a man ordered to turn over state secrets to the enemy. Celestia found she liked this man. He hadn't been among the torturers, and he seemed a thorough professional.
The one sane one among the petulant or perhaps pestilent children, she realized, Welcome, my counterpart.
"It seems in order, but recompense will have to be decided at the conclusion of probate," the leader said.
"I've told you what a danger they are," the idiot peacock trumpeted, "And he's taking them off to the frontier."
"Best place for them," the leader said without taking his eyes from the paper. "One could simply take her around to your club, and explain that while coupling with a machine like her is understandable, if a bit avant garde for the old school, especially if your late grand uncle programmed her. You decided to couple instead with colorful ponies with the minds of children." He looked over at the peacock. "I frankly don't know whether bestiality or pedophilia, or torture would offend your circle of friends more. But one of them would get nearly all of them."
The peacock gasped and looked as if Tank-Spike had driven over his feet. "He wouldn't!"
"The colonel certainly would," the leader said as he looked back to the paper and explained plainly, "While he took the other, Luna I believe, to the garden parties. All those 'can't be too rich or too thin' women seeing her and knowing their partners were choosing her over them, would net all of we 'parasites' a nice bundle in divorce proceedings."
Now the entire room looked on with horror.
"But I think we can prevail upon their better natures to remove themselves and the temptation from the planet, even from the core worlds. Can't we?" he asked, staring at them forcefully, all steel.
Celestia and the brother and sister barely hid their smiles. We are being ordered away, she realized, We escape, and they save face by having driven us out.
"We will clear out the material and leave with the utmost haste," the colonel said.
"Excellent," the leader said as he smiled, "Let me show you the door."
He led us back through the house, not home.
"Thank you for this, it helped bring the backsliders into line," the leader said, "And I apologize to you, your Highness, for what happened to you and your people. Not all of us are like him."
"Thank you, do we know each other?" Celestia asked.
"You and your sisters were presented to me as a one-day Solstice gift. With my rather infirm wife present," the leader said, "And promises to 'do anything.' Much to my client's disgust, Luna helped reorganized my woefully out of date files and your equine counterparts cleaned the garage, while you played, and skillfully lost, endless games of Parcheesi with my wife. Not my fault he said 'anything'. My wife in her dotage deluded herself that you were our daughter, come back from her self-imposed exile. And you played along. She had a happy day, one I have been unable to repay, until now. The estate will forward express freight transport back to your farm. The quicker you and they are away from here, the better for all."
"Thank you," Celestia said, and was joined by the brother and sister.
The leader turned and returned inside.
"I don't remember the incident, but I can guess why," Celestia admitted.
"He's not a nice man, but a decent one down deep. But he's right," the colonel said, "Having their 'toys' running around loose is slowing down the solution to the will, and making their jobs a headache."
"Will they come after us, on the frontier?" Celestia asked.
"Leave the core? Not unless the stars begin exploding," he replied and walked back to the warehouse.
DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc.
The Bolo Series by Keith Laumer
Dear Princess Celestia,
I know it is strange to write you a letter, considering we've been working hoof in hoof for the past two days, but during that time, we've had no chance to actually talk, and I wanted to get these thoughts down while they were still fresh in my mind.
I suppose I should start with an apology to 'Celesti-elf', 'HumLuna' and 'Caydwarf' as you've begun to call yourselves. I'm ashamed to say, but my shortness with you all has been out of fear. I seem to expect treatment as he gave out, from most things bipedal. Neither you, nor our benefactors have done anything to deserve this concern, but I haven't been able to shake it. Maybe I was conditioned too well by the 'old man', or maybe it is programmed into us. I apologize for it in any case. It's just that you're so like Celestia, and Luna, and Cadence, but you're each unlike them to in subtle ways, the overall effect is eerie.
Uh, there's no really polite way to say this, so I'll apologize in advance. I'm glad you and our master, there, I said it, are getting along. I think his feelings of discomfort about us are similar to my discomfort with you. I'm also aware that the abuse we were put to had some, very uncomfortable implications for him and his sister, and that both we and he act as if the pattern was going to continue, despite our, all of our, wishes to the contrary.
I will admit. I don't know what to expect. The exchange of knowing glances and smiles has left me a bit nervous. I trust you, and I want to trust him, but these little worms of doubt keep eating at my certainty. Well, that phrase should tell you who else has confided her unease in me. I think part of it, her concerns, is how well Applebloom and the other Crusaders have taken to their new form and new condition. Swapping parts the way most of us swap clothes, and especially the idea that all they need to get a cutie mark is an Electra-laser engraver. Now they justify their activities in 'deciding what our cutie marks should be'.
I wish I could put this all behind me and simply accept our new home, our new role, but I am too troubled by what are no doubt imaginings to settle properly. After all we've been put through, it seems too much like a more elaborate version of the games he used to play. And then there's Spike. I wish we could have activated him and found out all that was left inside him before we left. I miss him terribly, and I would be more relieved to know he's gone, than this not knowing.
Your Affectionate, Though Disoriented Student,
Twilight Sparkle
Celesti-elf returned the letter to Celestia. "You see the problem," the alicorn asked her humanoid partner, "And you know Twilight. She can catastrophize things so easily."
"I think her reaction is very similar to the rest of the 'Mane 6', and too many of the Princesses," Celesti-elf said, "Although I don't think you sleeping with him would ease your anxiety."
The alicorn snorted. "I know how you and HumLuna feel, that Cadence and Caydwarf support him, and that eases my anxieties and eliminates my outright fears, but it is still a lot to absorb."
"How do you think he feels?" Celesti-elf asked, "A bunch of pleasant, fun and helpful AIs suddenly dropped in his lap, and he can't fully understand us either. If ever we needed the virtues attributed to the Elements, it's now. But what we need more than any of them, is patience. Both sides. Nothing definite can be done until we arrive home." She stopped and stared off into space for a while.
"Celesti-elf?" Celestia asked as she approached.
The humanoid mirror smiled, and scratched her equinoid counterpart behind the ears. "I just realized that I'm thinking of our new place as 'home', I never thought of Canterlot as home, not even when Luna returned. The Castle of the Pony Sisters was home."
"That was not in the supplies we brought," Celestia said, her head lowering into Celesti-elf's lap, "Perhaps he should do this, it might help both giver and receiver."
------------------------------
The entire town had crowded into the observation lounge for the approach to their new home. The planet was blue and brown and white.
"Is that what Equestria looked like?" Sweetie Belle asked, as she pronked with excitement.
"If you could survive there, then it probably did. The blue are oceans, the brown are the land masses, and the white are clouds," he told them.
"Those huge things are clouds?!" Rainbow gasped, "How's your weather team supposed to deal with those monsters."
"Tell us where they're headed, and everybody gets prepared," he replied, "Weather control is expensive, difficult, and if you do it often enough, it damages the natural environment. Sooner or later you lose all the benefits that natural weather brings you. You kill your oceans for a start."
Rainbow shuffled back from the others and looked around worriedly. "We didn't know."
"Ah, here it is," he said excitedly, "That's mine." He pointed to a tiny rectangle a slight color variant of the dozens of other browns on the face of the planet.
"It's, nice," Applejack said and grinned nervously.
"Nice, that's 85 thousand hectares," he said, "We're so far away, it looks small."
"What the heck's a tar?" Applejack whispered to Twilight, who shrugged.
"Fifteen miles wide, and twenty-two long, roughly," he said.
That impressed Applejack and the others. "That's your farm?" Applebloom asked, "How the heck you buck all the trees yourself?"
"I have some help." He grinned at the boggled ponies.
------------------------------
Reentry was of interest only to Luna, HumLuna and Twilight. The others packed their meager belongings to get ready for the trek to their new home.
"You've got a secret," Celesti-elf confronted him in a corridor where he watched both Luna's group, and the others.
"This is a military transport, that's the only reason you weren't all in the cargo bay. As an assault transport derivative, they don't have to land at the spaceport. They can land at the farm. So no long march through the countryside. They can do that after they get situated."
"Afraid of what the neighbors will think?" she asked.
"Afraid they'll want their own set. More like I think there've been enough shocks in the last few days, there'll be more in the coming days, I think a bit of routine will do everybody a lot of good," he said, "This is a whole different world from what any of you are used to. There's also Spike. I want some experts to be there when he wakes up. And hauling him shut down from the spaceport would be very difficult."
The farm had several wide dirt roads along its length, with much narrower roads crossing them. The transport set down at one of these massive crossroads.
"What kind of rock is this?" Twilight asked as she scuffed at the ground, "I've never seen it before."
"That's dirt, Twi," Applejack said as she stared the ground, "That the hay could do that ta dirt?"
"You drive something very heavy over it repeatedly," he told them. "The house is over there, let's get everything in the shed beside the house, and then we'll figure out what to do next."
The ponies began hauling the town and their scanty personal belongings to the 'shed', a cave dug into the side of a hill that extended back so far they couldn't see the end, even with their enhanced vision.
"Ooo! I bet a really big dragon lives in here!" Pinkie exclaimed as she bounced into the darkness. "Helloooo dragon!" she shouted, her voice echoing.
"They only stay in here when they need maintenance," he told them. Light illuminated the cavernous expanse. The cranes and heavy tackle lined the roof, along with sets of tools and some massive metallic hands on tracks. "This is their depot. It's the reason I located precisely here, so I could have proper maintenance facilities."
"Who's 'them'?" Rainbow asked, "And why would you need something like this for maintenance?" She flew above the rails and gantries of the cranes and flittered around. "You could fit all of Ponyville in this place and put Cloudsdale up here!"
She flew down and hovered before him. "So who's 'them'?"
"Rainbow," Applejack warned.
"No, it's all right," he said, "If you want to meet them today, we'll meet them today," he said, the sly grin warned some of the ponies a trick was in the offing.
Rainbow missed it. "So where are they?"
He checked his watch. "Four miles, that way."
When he looked up, Rainbow was gone, Twilight and Applejack were putting their hooves to their faces, and the trio of fillies were trotting after Rainbow. He collected the motorcycle he used to travel the farm and signaled for the others to follow. The ponies could put out a fair turn of speed.
When they arrived, Rainbow was zipping around, searching. The gasps from the alicorn sextet told him they'd gotten what Rainbow had missed. The plow on the cable assembly moved steadily, preparing the soil here for the seeding.
"Liar!" she accused as she swooped down. "There's the plow, and nothing else here."
"Isn't there?" he asked, then looked in alarm at Pinkie Pie having a fit.
"A doozy?" Fluttershy asked worriedly.
"A doozy of a doozy," Pinkie said and looked around, "But where?"
The Bolos advanced to move the plow to the next section.
"Wha!" Rainbow shouted and hid behind a low rise. The rest decided either to follow her, or stand in mute amazement at the two huge war machines.
"That explains the roads," Applejack said, looked around, gulped and trotted towards the nearer of the pair. She seemed to sense the change in the machine's attention to her, so she stopped at the limit of their defense/challenge perimeter. She took off her hat, then verified that he'd followed her. "Uh, mah name's Applejack. Uh, your . . . boss, sorta got possession of us, and we're here at the farm and uh, we're mighty glad to meet yah." Applejack grinned, and kept shooting him glances.
"Unit of the Line, Ernie, you may respond, Unit of the Line, Bert, you may respond," he told them.
"They gotta have permission ta talk?" Applejack said, "That's bad."
"It is something we requested so we would not have others running through our fields to ask us questions," the nearer unit, Ernie, said, "If it is an emergency, we are not so limited."
"Oh, okay," Applejack said, "What ya growin'?"
"This field is quadrotriticale, we have fields of rye, corn, beans and tomatoes," Ernie said.
"No apples," Bert said from his position.
"Why no apples?" Applejack asked, a bit insulted.
"How would we harvest them?" Bert asked.
Applejack examined the immense size of the machines. "Yeah, apple buckin's out, y'all'd flatten the trees."
"I think you'll find some adequate land for an orchard in grid A22, or C43, and D35," Bert offered.
"You sank my battleship!" Pinkie called as she trotted up, "So they're like us, a bunch of different brains all in one box, instead of in separate bodies?"
He stared at the pink pony. Applejack got the feeling the two machines were nearly as nonplused as their owner.
"Say, do you like to play games," Pinkie said, "I'm a whiz at tic-tac-toe."
"Pinkie," Applejack warned, "They're working."
"The processing requires only part of our attention," Ernie said, "I will be glad to play, but we play a little more complicated version."
"Oh boy," the man said, "You asked for it."
"Pinkie, or Ernie?" Applejack asked.
"Yes," he replied, as a complex geometric pattern emerged.
Before Applejack could comment, Twilight was at her side. "Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh!" Twilight exclaimed, "A six-dimensional representation!"
"A which?" Applejack asked as Pinkie studied the board, which looked like a series of fancy, floor tiles, and Twilight pronked around it.
"I play winner!" Twilight said.
"Ma'am," Bert said, "There are two of us."
Twilight was about to dash across the field, when Applejack grabbed her tail. "Don't walk on the fresh tilled earth," she told Twilight, who looked properly embarrassed, before dashing across at one of the crossroads. The man made a buzzing sound, then he removed the buzzing object from his pocket. A small, metal box he held next to his head.
Applejack moved off to appear to give him privacy, but was still close enough to eavesdrop. Politeness is fine, when there's another pony with him, she thought, But he's too important right now to leave alone.
"Yes, they do. We'll discuss it with them after everyone is settled in, and it's just them," he said.
Okay, all this stuff makes my head spin, but we can talk about it later with each other, she thought.
"She won? Get used to it," he said.
Applejack saw Pinkie jumping happily, then probably asking for another game. She smiled at that. Doll it up all you want, nopony, nobody beats Pinkie at tic-tac-toe.
The man put the radio or phone away and walked over to Applejack. "There's a ridge overlooking the main house that's terrible for growing anything. We'll set your town up there and start getting the utilities put in: sewer, water and power lines, and so on."
"That's weird, I ain't been hungry or thirsty for as long as I can remember," Applejack said, "That's really weird."
"It's not that weird," he said, "In fact it all makes sense, if you know the key. The other important thing to remember is that being a 'person' isn't need to be flesh and blood. Bert and Ernie are people, even though they were manufactured."
"That's sounds like sumthin' that might worry Twi's pretty head, but I've got good soil under mah hooves, and an orchard ta start. That's all the 'existential' ah need."
"A Nieztchian Ubermensch: only my own rules apply to me. Don't stray too far, there are costs to not thinking about it," he warned.
"You ever look up at the night sky away from the city lights and jist think about how big everything is, and how small we are?" Applejack asked.
"Out here? That's kind of hard to avoid," he replied.
"Then all I have to worry about is who I can touch. The universe is too big to care about 'everything'," Applejack explained, and trotted off to join the others.
------------------------------
As predicted, the only one of the group of six who reacted badly was Twilight, the Princesses already knew part of it, the others simply accepted it. Rainbow was going to be another problem, which presaged the trouble the Crusaders were going to be.
Twilight was a problem now. "But if we're machines, are we really alive?"
"I can fit big engines and go even faster," came from the other problem.
"Is everything I remember, just programmed into me?"
"Or maybe just build a superplane and install myself into it."
"Are my feelings just programmed responses, do I even have a soul? Can I really love or be friends with someone if I'm a machine?"
"Yes," came Ernie's reply through the radio, silencing Twilight.
"Or maybe a rocket!" Dash exclaimed, and looked around, "What? This is incredibly cool! Ten percent maybe even 50% cooler!"
"Don't you care that you're just a collection of wires and pumps?" Twilight exclaimed.
"And gears, and bearings, and electronics, and -" Pinkie was interrupted by Rarity's hoof, while Applejack 'corralled' Twilight.
"Ah think Ernie mighta wanted to explain," she said.
"Yes, thank you Applejack. Twilight, all that you are is the sum of your memories. If you remember a splinter or a caress, and the others around you remember pulling the splinter or giving the caress, it doesn't matter if it was a shared memory, or it 'actually' happened, you both know it, felt it, and remember it. Your perception of events, which is your memory of them, are what defines you. Whether a meeting was good or bad, whether a teacher was boring or exciting, whether meeting someone was exhilarating or terrifying, all depend on you. For sentient beings able to weigh and judge, there is no objective reality. Everything is colored by your experience and perceptions," the soothing tones from the huge machine calmed down the panicky unicorn, "You have your friends, your mentor and a new life. Reality starts right now. Your love and friendships are as real as you wish them to be. Bert and I are friends, I have had commanders I liked, and some I even loved. You retain that same capacity."
"Thank you," Celesti-elf said.
"The other aspect is one of mental architecture," Bert added, "We have several nodes, the consciousness you hear is the consensuses of our nodes. In your cases, the nodes are in separate bodies, but the intercommunication is quite dense. The desire to agree with your friends, or for the sovereigns to come to an agreement, seems to be a hold over from that tendency. You have a greater ability to go your own way than we do, but I suspect that staying within a few miles of each other might be a good idea."
"Are we gonna have to shoot it out with invading monsters?" Pinkie asked, "And combine together into one superawesome, pony mecha?"
"I rather doubt it," Bert said.
"Aww!" Pinkie complained.
"What about Spike?" Rarity asked, "They used Discord's parts in him."
"Unless they also used Discord's memories, there should be no problem," Bert said, "If they did, we can deal with it. Tomorrow, we'll put him where both Ernie and I can watch him, and there's nothing valuable to be destroyed."
"Then we'll activate him, and watch," Ernie said, "And then we'll know."
The others nodded and speculated among themselves.
"If he is held by Discord, then we'll combine into a superawesome, pony mecha and delve into his mind and drive out ole' Discord!" Pinkie assured Twilight.
"I think you've got the order wrong," Cadence told her.
"And why do you want to turn into a big, lumbering beast?" Rarity asked, "No offense."
"None taken," Ernie replied, "We aren't exactly 'lumbering', but us moving at full-speed is like a cross between an earthquake and a tornado."
------------------------------
This was a conversation I would have liked to avoid, Celesti-elf thought as she approached Celestia, who despite her own trepidation, also seemed to know that things were going to have to be said.
"You aren't . . . jealous, are you?" Celesti-elf asked and nodded towards where their 'master' was retiring for the evening, while Celestia and the ponies were headed to the maintenance bunker.
Celestia smiled. "You aren't guilty, are you?" She brushed a wing against Celesti-elf's face. "We both know where the drive came from, we both know what having, being and being with an enthusiastic and appreciative partner feels like. And we both know those urges were given to us out of evil intent."
"But don't let the genesis get in the way of 'Reality starts right now. Your love and friendships are as real as you wish them to be.'" She sighed, and let herself blush. "And I do love him, not just for my programming, or for what he's willingly done for our ponies, but because he's him."
"Have you considered what it also means? That he is mortal, and baring a cessation of all industrial activity, we aren't?" Celestia asked, "Being able to fall in love, to strongly desire to be with another might turn out to be a blessing in disguise. Otherwise, being afraid of losing them, and the one after, and the one after that, on and on, might just lead you, me, us to unhealthy isolation."
Celesti-elf nodded. "Besides, if we are nodes of the same brain, we might just be able to change chassis," she said.
"Let's get him comfortable with Caydwarf first, then the idea there are six and not three," Celestia said.
Celesti-elf nodded and headed off to join HumLuna, and their master. They needed to rest and relax, tomorrow promised to be a taxing day.
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The morning brought changes. The site of the future town was a collection of machines, and a lone human who was inside Bert directing the reactivation of Spike by the servo-drones of the massive war machine. With Spike's likely confusion, and the possibility that it would be Discord rather than Spike who awakened, nopony wanted the fragile human where the danger would be the greatest.
"First stage diagnostics, there are no anomalies," Bert said. While the two huge machines had been 'demil-ed', they were still tens of thousands of tons against scarcely a hundred, and they had not activated all of Spike's mobility. They could run, while he could barely crawl.
"Second stage diagnostics, single node brain function, no internal backups of the size needed for a full AI," Bert reported, "Whoever wakes up, it'll be all one personality. Go ahead with third stage?"
"Hold, get an analysis on that storage, I want to know what's in it. A virus or rogue AI could be stored holographically," the man said, and remembered the faux drive motors they'd removed.
"Firewalls and anti-intrusion software on-line and at maximum, probing," Bert said.
"Twiiiilight?" the small machine slurred, "Iiiii feel fuuuunny."
"That shouldn't be possible," Ernie said as he monitored, "Not before fourth stage."
"He's not mil-standard," the man said, "Twilight, you'd better answer."
"We're here Spike," the pony said as she approached the small to Bert, but huge to her tank.
"We're all here," Applebloom said as she approached, "We're all feeling a little funny, but we're glad you're okay."
"He just blew through all the diagnostics and is in full Battle-Awareness Mode," Bert reported as the small machine suddenly slewed around and rumbled towards Twilight and Applebloom. "Countermeasures?"
"Hold," the man ordered, "Let his friends work."
A side door in the tank dropped as he approached the two ponies. "Get in! He's got to be around here somewhere!"
"Go," the man ordered the ponies. They hopped inside, the hatch closed and the small tank rumbled off at 20 kph. With three-quarters of the drive motors disconnected, that was its top speed. "Let him run. Sometimes you have to let others tell you what's going on."
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Spike finally felt awake and alive after so long. He didn't understand why he was in this form, but he understood how it worked. Having found himself in strange forms had happened a few times before. He was ashamed of the first time his greed had made him huge. But this time, I'm in control, he thought as his body reacted smoothly to his commands, Now, where is that - person?
"Spike, things have changed," Twilight told him, after strapping Applebloom and herself into the ill-fitting seats, "The old man is dead, and we are on another planet."
What?! he wanted to shout, Spike, remember, this is Twilight. The thought didn't bring as much certainty as he would have liked.
"It's a trick," Spike replied.
"No, it isn't," Twilight said, "Celestia verified that the old man's corpse was in the ground. Spike. We're safe. We're all safe."
Spike slowed. "You mean, everybody?" Spike asked, feeling hope for the first time.
"Everybody, Spike," Twilight assured him. As he stopped, Twilight unbuckled herself and looked around the cabin, then settled on giving a bank of readouts a hug. Verifying she still cared about him.
Spike didn't care if his new form could cry, he did anyway.
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Granny Smith was still in the depot. She wasn't proud of what she was about to do, but she'd lived too long, or remembered she had, to take such a threat lightly.
Pinkie had taken 'disconnecting' Spike's drive motors a little too literally, and then had commented that these two seemed full of 'brains' instead of motor. Fortunately, they were the only two.
Don't have to be a damn-fool to figure out where Discord is hiding, she thought as she loaded the two drive motor casings full of circuitry into the chamber marked 'Industrial Disintegrator'. She closed the lid and stepped back to the control console. She set the controls for 'high' and added a sterilization step, then triggered it.
"If it's going to be done, let it be done well," she said quietly, and waited for the machine to finish its cycle, before she triggered a second. ------------------------------