Wallflower Blush stood on the platform awaiting her train. The area was protected by a canopy of crisscrossing wooden beams overhead, and a row of benches lined the platform evenly for sitting in case a pony got tired of standing.
She could not begin to even consider doing such a thing at that time.
Beside her was a light orange unicorn mare. She reminded Wallflower of the sun with her fiery red and yellow mane that seemed to radiate heat. She was too bright for Wallflower as, like the evening primrose, she preferred the comfort of the night for fear of being burned alive in the flames of day.
They stood a short distance apart on the platform. The second pony turned to look at Wallflower. She stared into the second pony’s light blue eyes. An oasis of blue in her intense light.
It awakened a flurry of emotions within Wallflower. Nervousness. Distress over unvoiced feelings that threatened to burst forth every time she looked at the pony that reminded her of the sun.
The second pony spoke in a gentle, comforting voice. A single sentence.
It was the worst thing Wallflower had ever been told.
Wallflower woke up in bed. She was swaddled within thick dark green blankets on a bed that was several hundred bits out of her pay grade. She raised herself to a sitting position and surveyed her single bedroom luxury suite aboard the Morning Glory.
Light green walls patterned with darker vines, a small closet in one corner to store what little clothing she had brought, an en suite bathroom that was bigger than the one she had at home, and a single desk upon which sat an empty vase.
A massive window was embedded into the wall on her left. The clear glass showcased the gorgeous flower-covered hills of Equestria flying by in a sea of rainbow on what was known as the Garden Line.
She turned to look above the train compartment’s door at the clock hanging on the wall. It read 7 am.
It was time to get ready for the final day of the Annual Flower Viewing Party.
Wallflower removed herself from the tangle of blankets she found herself in and eased her hooves onto the greened-tinted wood floors of her room.
Always start the day by taking the time to breathe.
She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly to allow her sleep-addled brain to wake up.
Once done, she went over her mental checklist of things she wanted to do for the day. She had long since memorized the event schedule and could easily pull a mental image of the pamphlet she had received earlier that week.
There were several pavilions she wished to visit. Art exhibitions mostly. Places where she would be forced to be near a number of strangers. Dragged into conversations she had no business being a part of. Pushed into greetings and learning names of ponies she would never meet again. A never ending nightmare of knowing how much she would inconvenience others with her mere presence that she would-
When you feel overwhelmed take a moment to center yourself.
She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly.
She could worry about what would happen later after she was presentable.
Wallflower trotted to the en suite bathroom and grabbed a mane brush from the edge of the pearly white sink. A colour Wallflower found uncomfortable due to how easily it stained.
She methodically brushed out her tousled dark green mane and tail into something close to rolling waves. A few quick, harder, brush strokes along her fur brought what few errant strands she had of light green fur back into order.
She looked over her face. The bags under her brown eyes were faded, but still noticeable. She was sure it would be fine if she skipped applying makeup for one day.
Always stick to a routine. Familiarity breeds contentment.
Wallflower grabbed a compact from the other side of the sink. Inside were the bare essentials. She covered the eye bags under her eyes, threw on some light blush, and added a touch of eyeliner.
She closed the compact with a snap and looked over her face once more.
She looked horrible.
If you can’t think of something positive about yourself, then at least think of something neutral.
She looked presentable.
Wallflower trotted back to the main room and over to the closet. She slid open the door to reveal a wide-brimmed straw sun hat embroidered with a bouquet of flowers - a mix of daisies, sunflowers, and gladiolus - and a light green summer dress with puffed sleeves.
She laid the dress over top herself and buttoned up the front, leaving enough buttons undone so as to not restrict her breathing. The sun hat she placed onto her head and enjoyed the comfort brought by the resultant shade despite the roof over her head.
From the corner of her eye, she noticed the vase sitting by itself on the desk. Though she tried to ignore it, she still found herself standing before the desk and examining it in closer detail.
A tall nondescript beige pot painted with swirls of orange and yellow made to appear similar to coils of fire. It was filled to the ¾ mark with fresh soil ready for the transfer of flowers, but remained empty.
Poetically correct, based on her intentions and chances with said vase.
Knock. Knock. Knock.
Wallflower turned to the door of her room in surprise. Somepony was knocking on the door. An unexpected occurrence.
Were they here to announce that the events were cancelled? Had she done something wrong? Was she being arrested? What crime had she committed? How would she survive in prison? Would-
Don’t become overwhelmed by ‘if’.
Before she could lose her nerve, she trotted to the door and slid it open.
Standing in the corridor just outside with a disgustingly cheerful demeanor was a bigger than average light orange pegasus stallion with a slicked back blue mane, and big expressive blue eyes. He was dressed in a train conductor’s uniform of cap and vest.
Wallflower had conflicting emotions about this stranger. He was imposing with his large size, but had an approachable smile on his face. He stood rigid, his muscles tensed to launch into action at a moment’s notice like the Royal Guard Wallflower saw everyday at Canterlot Castle, but was dressed as a worker on the train.
He was a walking contradiction.
She hated him immediately.
You should always give ponies a chance to show their best side to you.
She was tentatively annoyed with him.
The stranger grinned widely at her. “Good morning, Wallflower Blush.”
Wallflower wilted at the oppressive optimism that radiated off this pony in waves. “Good morning. Can I… Can...” Wallflower trailed off as she lost her nerve to ask what he was doing here.
You are just as important to be heard as anyone else.
“Can I help you… sir?” Wallflower asked.
“Well, you can’t help me, since I’m here to help you,” the pony answered enthusiastically. “Flash Sentry.” He bowed. “But I have become partial to Flash, Flashie, and ‘that idiot who won’t stop strumming Wonderbolt at every opportunity’.” He leaned in close to Wallflower with a wing covering his mouth. “Just between you and me, I do it for the boos,” he whispered conspiratorially.
“So, you’re...” Wallflower narrowed her eyes in question. “An escort?”
“Yep, I'm just here to guide you around the event. I know you would prefer somepony else-” He glanced at the vase sitting behind Wallflower. “But I'm the only one available on the train.”
“I don’t really think I need one, um, Flash.”
“No worries, I just want to help you out.” Flash gave Wallflower a soft, gentle smile. “I’m only here for you.”
Wallflower felt a deluge of anxiety crush her over this sudden change. This stranger was offering to help her and it was such a cruel act of him to do so. Why would he help somepony as disparaging as herself?
“I-I’m sorry, Flash, but this is-”
“I’m only here to help you reach your destination,” Flash interrupted. “I’ll be there when you need me, but will only make myself known when I feel that you’re struggling. What you do is for you to decide at your own pace.”
Wallflower bowed her head. “You mean for the pavilion events today?”
Flash gave a wide grin. “Of course. What else could I mean?”
Wallflower felt uncertainty grip her thoughts. Uncertainty at the help. Uncertainty at this apparent escort she was assigned. Uncertainty at having her plans seemingly controlled by this stranger.
He said she would dictate the pace, but would he really abide by that? Even worse, would he actually be there to help her, or disappear when she needed him most? Even beyond that, she couldn’t fathom how he would be able to stand being around her for an entire day.
It’s okay to accept help.
Despite those concerns, she liked the idea of somepony watching out for her on such a stressful day.
“Okay, Flash, I appreciate it,” Wallflower answered reluctantly.
“You're welcome, Wallflower. Now, should I remind you of the events planned for today?”
“If you don’t mind,” Wallflower replied.
“It would be my pleasure.” Flash tilted his head and brought a wing tip to his chin in thought. “Now, if I recall correctly there’s the Bonsai Exhibition, the Tea Party Social, the Flower Gallery, and, last but not least, the Rose Garden at the end of the train.” He perked up. “That should be everything, right?”
Wallflower nodded as it matched with her mental checklist. “It is.”
“First day, and I’m already nailing it.” Flash did a quick hoof pump in self celebration.
Wallflower rolled her eyes at the foalish display and shook her head at Sentry’s ridiculousness.
Flash pretended not to notice the admonishment. “Anyways since we know the schedule, is there anywhere you would prefer to start?”
Wallflower mulled over her options. “The Bonsai Exhibition if you don’t mind.”
“It’s not about what I mind, Wallflower. I’m just your handsome escort.” Flash gave another dazzling grin. “I’m just following what you want to do.”
“I’m not so certain about the handsome part.” Wallflower snarked.
“Okay, now listen here. I’ll have you know I’m considered very attractive.”
“To wasps maybe?” Wallflower giggled.
He smirked. “Now listen here, cheeks. I assure you that ponies are attracted to me.”
“Okay, okay, I’m sure you are very handsome to ponies,” Wallflower relented.
“You know it,” Flash stepped back, and gave a bow with his front half lowered and wing swept in front of himself. “After you, Wallflower.”
Wallflower, choosing to continue the silly exchange, held her head high and trotted forward past Flash and through the door.
She chose to ignore the fact that she nearly tripped on the doorstep as she exited.
The train car where the Bonsai Exhibition took place was circular in shape unlike the rest of the train. The floor was a spiral of light green woods. The walls and high ceilings were made of glass and covered in ivy that bloomed with red and orange flowers. Sunlight shone through the glass and lit the entire chamber in a soft white.
Small sectionals made of makeshift wood panelling were densely packed together around the room to show off various bonsai of all different shapes and sizes. Each bonsai reflected the unique personality and care of the gardener who tended to it.
It was a delight to the eyes of a trained gardener such as Wallflower.
Chatter was mumbled amongst the throngs of ponies that wandered the room. Nothing distinct could be made out as the sound was disrupted by the uneven distribution of the sectionals.
It was peaceful, relatively quiet, and allowed for introspection as she wandered from exhibit to exhibit.
Due to that last quality, it was thus a horrid experience.
Her thoughts plagued her with every step and rubbed against her surface level observations. It felt alien, unlike her own self. It railed against her isolation. Reminded her of how alone she was in this crowded room. That no one cared for her presence.
Out of the corner of her eye she saw Flash stand resolutely by the entryway to the compartment. He faced forward with an unreadable expression on his face and his wings tightly bound at his side. It dispelled any doubts as to his occupation, or at least what he may have done in the past.
Only a member of the Royal Guard could stand like that for so long.
He noticed her staring, perked his ears and waved a hoof giddily at her with a foalish grin.
It dispelled the rather stoic image immediately.
Wallflower gave a small wave back and continued her wanderings.
She was happy to find her thoughts return to a semblance of normalcy with Flash’s simple acknowledgement of her.
Eventually, she found herself drawn towards a particular partition tucked away in a less travelled portion of the train compartment.
The panelling was made of dull red wood and appeared to be almost rotting in places. On a small table matching the sectional was a bonsai of a hedge maple tree grown into a strange configuration.
The trunk of the bonsai twisted in on itself in a curve akin to an overhanging lamp. From the top of the trunk, a deluge of small branches covered in blue-green leaves cascaded down in the rough shape of an umbrella.
As she observed the plant she felt an overwhelming feeling of sadness well up inside herself.
“A wallowing bonsai.”
Wallflower yelped as she turned to face the pony that had snuck up on her.
The pony in question was a light orange coated earth pony stallion with a morose expression. He had a neatly trimmed, short, autumnal orange mane connected to a chin strap beard along his jawline.
He looked up at her. A rare experience as Wallflower wasn’t the tallest pony.
“S-sorry, a what bonsai?” Wallflower asked hesitantly.
“A wallowing bonsai.” The stallion trotted towards the miniature tree and glanced over its leaves. “The leaves are looking dry.”
Wallflower waited patiently as the pony grabbed a spray bottle from behind the partition and lightly spritzed the tree. Shortly after finishing his work, she observed that the tree did appear more vibrant in colour.
The stallion refocused his attention on Wallflower. “Can I help you?”
“This is yours?” Wallflower asked.
“Yes. This particular growing configuration is a speciality of mine. Emphasis on the is.” The stallion closed his eyes then opened them again. “I used to do a very different type of bonsai before this.”
Wallflower felt her curiosity peak at the lead line of conversation. A tree such as this giving her such a feeling of misery at a glance for an unknown purpose? Some speciality that the gardener once did but doesn’t anymore?
Not to mention the expert work on the piece that Wallflower, a professional gardener, could not help but admire.
If you feel curious, ask questions.
Wallflower readied to bombard the stallion with inquiries, but became hesitant as she looked into his eyes. They were a vibrant, intense red. Within them was a pool of raw emotions that a part of Wallflower recoiled at.
She knew instinctively that to interrogate those feelings would destroy her.
“T-That’s very interesting, thank you,” Wallflower rattled off.
The stallion was quiet for a moment. “You are welcome; now if you do not mind, I think I will pack up for the day.”
Wallflower nodded and retreated towards the entrance where she knew Flash would be.
The better option as she couldn’t bear to burden the stallion with her annoying presence.
“How did it go?” He asked with a wide grin.
“F-fine, let’s just go to the tea party,” Wallflower said curtly.
“As you wish,” Flash replied.
As they left, Wallflower felt herself still thinking about those eyes and had a pang of regret at not indulging her curiosity.
The Tea Party was a very formal name for what amounted to an all-expenses-paid buffet of light snacks, small meals, and a massive variety of tea. The last fulfilling the promise of its premise.
It was midway through the length of the train and by far the smallest car in the line, causing its occupants to crowd together to ensure everypony would fit.
To further emphasize the cramped nature of the room, several long tables filled with the aforementioned refreshments took up one side of the room, while the other was buried in an avalanche of cushions and portable tables.
The car itself, like its compatriots, was made of glass with dark blue wooden flooring and overtaken by vines of ivy in bloom with blue and purple flowers.
The vines grew everywhere in this car. They were wrapped around the tables and cushions, strewn about the floor, and curled around the buffet tables. Everywhere one stepped they would find a bloom of ivy underhoof.
“Does that taste good?” Flash asked.
Wallflower stopped her casual surveying of the room. They were both seated at a table furthest from everypony else, or at least best managed with the claustrophobic nature of the car.
When they had managed to squeeze into the buffet line, she had made off with a plate of biscuits with jam and a cup of honeysuckle tea. Flash had opted for a bit of everything and promptly devoured the entire mountain shortly after they had sat down in a display that was as impressive as it was revolting.
She looked down to where Flash pointed with a wing and found he was referring to the carrot muffin she had managed to snag for dessert off a plate near the end of the buffet table.
A time that was nowhere near coming, as she had yet to finish even a single biscuit.
“I like them,” Wallflower said.
“Are you going to eat it?” Flash asked with a hopeful look.
Wallflower pushed the muffin towards him with a hoof. It was promptly devoured by the living pony dumpster disposal.
“Oh, that was good,” Flash gushed.
Wallflower sighed at her companion's open display of gluttony and returned to her room observation. She soon happened upon a Cutie Mark of a moon reflected on water.
She traced the Mark to its owner and found it attached to a blue-black pegasus with white socks, dark blue eyes, and a long light blue mane tied into a staggering number of loops.
Wallflower’s eyes widened in recognition.
“Know her?” Flash inquired on noticing Wallflower’s expression.
“That’s Morose Repose,” Wallflower said excitedly.
Flash stared at her blankly. “Should I know who that is?”
“Well, no, since you don’t seem the type to be much into globe trotting.”
“I like to travel,” Flash answered defensively.
“And catalogue plants?” Wallflower added.
“Eh, no.” Flash rubbed the back of his neck with a wing. “I mostly travel for music festivals.”
“That’s-” Wallflower struggled to add positivity to her voice on an activity she never cared for. “Nice?”
“It is, thanks.” Flash grinned to Wallflower’s relief. “So, as somepony that has no idea who you are speaking of, who is this Morose Repose?”
“She's a professional travel writer,” Wallflower explained. “Morose travels to territories outside of Equestria and writes guidebooks on the must see natural wonders of her destinations. I like her work a lot because she always includes an extensive guide to the local flora in the appendix.”
“Oh, that’s super rad.” Flash’s wings fluttered excitedly by his side. “I didn’t know we were in the presence of a famous travel writer. Do you want to meet them?”
“No,” Wallflower stated firmly.
Unfazed, Flash continued, “Okay, then are you going to finish your food?”
Wallflower stared down at her jammed biscuits. Her insides were tied in knots. Anxiety brought forth from the possibility of meeting somepony she admired and thoroughly disappointing them in how drab she was.
It had the side effect of making her feel nauseous.
“No, I’m not,” Wallflower finally answered.
“Awesome, more for me.” Flash grinned.
He grabbed the plate with both his hooves, and tipped the entirety of its contents down his throat with a single gulp. He pounded his chest with a hoof, and burped obnoxiously to the annoyance of everypony around them. He grinned as he either ignored the others’ glares or remained oblivious to them.
Could be either option with him.
“Shall we head to the next pavilion then?” He asked cheerily.
Wallflower gave a nod as she repressed the groan of embarrassment.
The Flower Gallery was the pavilion Wallflower had been most excited for that day. The car was a long rectangular space with a high ceiling made from a massive tree in the centre of the room with branches filled with white and yellow flowers. Makeshift walls and pedestals were placed intermittently on the bright white flooring.
Upon each display or frame was an art piece. Said art pieces, as per the rules of the gallery, were all made from plants.
One pedestal displayed a pony head carved from wood with a mane of rose bushes that formed wispy clouds.
Another piece had a frame made of entwined vines that housed a painting of ponies playing in a fountain, but done using dots made of grown flowers on a soil canvas.
One larger exhibition was a series of green shaded portraits. Vertical canvases of soil upon which grass was grown at varied lengths to give the image of a pony’s face when viewed as a whole.
Each piece was more wondrous and exciting than the last. A frontier of art never before explored, and only by the most devout of earth ponies. Every piece of art showcased the majestic beauty of natural materials.
It made Wallflower’s accomplishments seem pitiful in comparison.
Focus on what you can do, not what others can do.
But she accepted that she was not an artist in this sense. Her creativity and satisfaction came from the gardens she tended back in Canterlot, not in pushing the boundary of what was possible in the art world.
“Enjoying the gallery?” Flash asked as he came up next to her.
Wallflower allowed a small smile to grace her face. “Yes, I am.”
“Aye, there we go.” Flash grinned. “A genuine smile for the day.”
Wallflower rolled her eyes. “I can smile. I just choose to stay neutral most of the time.”
“Of course, of course,” Flash comforted. “Do you want to chat with anypony here?”
Wallflower frowned. “I doubt anypony here would care to speak with me.”
Flash stuck out his lower lip as he scanned the room then perked up as he stumbled onto what he had been searching for. He pointed to the found section with his wing. “What about her?”
Wallflower turned to where Flash was pointing and found a plump, bright yellow earth pony with a light brown mane tied into long braids and a Cutie Mark of a pie slice.
She sat on a bench before a painting made of woven grain stalks depicting a landscape of some farmhouse that was indistinguishable from the many that dotted the Equestrian landscape.
“Why her?” Wallflower asked.
Flash shrugged with his wings. “Dunno. The mare just seemed like the fun sort to talk to.”
Wallflower was confused by what Flash said, but examined the stranger more closely to see if she could find what he meant.
The mare had small brown freckles similar to poppyseeds all over her face. She had big golden eyes that spoke of inner warmth. A small content smile graced her muzzle, and, based on the laugh lines that adorned her face, it was a frequent expression.
She was like a sunbeam given life. A small ray of joy.
She was one of the most terrifying mares Wallflower had ever seen.
“N-no, I don’t think I will, Flash,” Wallflower stuttered. “Actually, I’m not feeling great. Can we just move onto the next car?”
She felt something cold within herself, a piece of her being that was disgusted with the very notion of the mare’s existence. She could feel herself shaking, overwhelmed by emotions Wallflower found difficult to process.
Flash gently placed a wing on Wallflower’s withers. She took a deep breath, exhaled, and began to calm down. She turned to look at Flash who gave her a gentle, patient smile.
“Sure, Wallflower. Let’s go.”
They trotted in step through the gallery to the final pavilion with Flash keeping Wallflower steady the entire way.
The Rose Garden was located in the second-to-last train compartment just before baggage, which was inaccessible to the non-employees on the train.
The garden itself was a small maze of rose hedges around a tree grown into the shape of a heart. As with the other cars, the ceiling was made of glass and covered in ivy. However, unlike the other cars, the floor was sodded over with grass.
Every possible variety of rose could be found somewhere within the twisting shrub rows of the garden. The finished garden work was delicate and required visitors to travel through with care, but for a train with nothing but avid gardeners as passengers that was hardly a problem.
It was a very quiet part of the train as it was out of the way of the main pavilions and less exciting, but the lack of ponies suited Wallflower just fine with how she was feeling.
She took a deep breath of the fresh garden air and trotted forward to begin her walk along the hedges.
She stopped shortly before the entrance when she realized Flash wasn’t following her. She turned back around to see him standing by the entrance with a sad smile on his face.
“Are you not escorting me around the garden?” Wallflower smirked. “I’m sure any wasps that may be present would be willing to leave you alone.”
He chuckled at that then shook his head. “No, sorry. For this part, you’ll have to overcome it alone. Eventually. I’ll be here for everything else, though.”
“To guide me back to my room?” Wallflower frowned in puzzlement.
“Yes, to guide you back to where you need to be,” Flash answered.
“I don’t quite understand what you mean, Flash.”
“You don’t need to. Yet.” He looked downcast before giving her a big smile. “I’m really hoping that everything will be fine for you, but if you’re here, it probably won’t. It certainly wasn’t for me. I just want you to know-” He paused for a moment and Wallflower could have sworn she saw tears in the corner of his eyes. “I need you to know that no matter how bad it gets, it will be okay on the other end.”
Wallflower was confused. She felt that he was telling her something important, but was missing key context to help her piece it together.
“I don’t understand what you’re saying, but you’ll be here when I finish my trot, right?” Wallflower asked hopefully.
Flash gave an affirmative nod.
She smiled at that, waved a goodbye, and trotted into the hedge maze beginning herjourney through the maze.
She didn’t see Flash slump in place. Nor did she see him take a deep breath, and slowly, reluctantly, leave the train car closing the doors behind him.
Wallflower was surprised by how large the hedge garden was. She had been travelling for what felt like miles, but couldn’t have been more than ten minutes.
It seemed that no matter how far she went she would never reach the end.
The trot was at least enjoyable. She had passed every rose variety she could have thought of and more besides that she hadn’t even realized existed.
A ruby rose made from crystal from the Northern Empire.
A yellow and blue mocking rose from deep in the Everfree Forest.
A grey rose found naturally only in Griffonstone.
They were gorgeous, intriguing, and wondrous. A never ending bouquet of the most colourful, beautiful flowers imaginable raised with tender care.
Despite the length of her walk, the flowers made it enjoyable.
Now, if only her thoughts would stop ruining it.
She hadn’t passed a single other pony in the entirety of the maze. She was feeling isolated in the depths of the garden. Led astray by its curiosities and beauty.
She missed Flash. It was a surprising thought. She had gotten so used to his reassuring presence that with his company missing, she felt exposed. Like her safety net had been taken from her, leaving Wallflower at the mercy of unwanted thought.
And the more she traveled the more her thoughts turned inward.
A dangerous place to be, if only she could remember why.
She tried to block out the dark words that crept to the surface. She didn’t understand where they came from, nor why she so desperately needed to keep them at bay.
Every time she felt herself become flooded, she crushed them under a torrent of kind words given to her by a mare she couldn’t quite remember.
Don’t allow your thoughts to overtake you.
Don’t let yourself wallow in your own misery.
Don't turn your mind against yourself.
It bothered her. Every one of those words of encouragement sounded nothing like her. She couldn’t remember where they came from, or why they were in her head in the first place, but she knew it hadn’t originated from her.
It didn’t feel like a spell, just an automatic trained response. It scared her, being unable to recognize her own thoughts, but she also understood that they were there to help.
She found herself walking more briskly, frantically looking for something to resolve the conflicts in her mind.
As she rapidly swivelled about looking for an escape, she stopped before a display.
It was a small, cleared out alcove in the hedge. In said alcove was a bushel of wild roses. Pink, red, and orange flowers that were the less voluptuous cousins of the standard red rose. It was a quiet dignified flower that hid a fierceness unknown to those that didn’t look closely.
Like Sunset Shimmer.
Wallflower closed her eyes as she felt her breathing speed up.
Sunset Shimmer. Her best friend. Previous student of Princess Celestia, now assistant gardener to the Royal Head Gardener Wallflower Blush after a brief stint in another world.
Filled with burning passion.
A ferocious protector of those she cared for.
Wallflower would one day ruin her life.
A journal. That was where all the unfamiliar phrases had come from. They were phrases Wallflower had learned to use to cope when her thoughts or actions took a turn for the macabre.
Sunset had written all of them. For her.
They had been tending to the roses that day in the Sun Garden at Canterlot Castle. Both had been dressed in their gardener clothes and were in the process of pruning some of the excess growth from the bushes.
She had turned to look towards Sunset. She had been bright that day like a fiery beacon on a dark and stormy night. As she observed her, an unbidden thought had come to Wallflower’s mind.
It had been… scary. It had threatened to ruin her.
So, she had made the decision to ruin Sunset first.
“I’m thinking of ending things,” Wallflower had said.
Sunset had stared at her then. She was outwardly calm but her eyes betrayed the panic happening within her mind. She had rushed to the garden shed and brought back a blank journal.
Wallflower had waited patiently while Sunset wrote down several phrases into the book after which she shoved it into Wallflower’s hooves.
“If you feel like that again, just read these,” Sunset had told her.
So she did.
Every day for months and months. Each time some unwelcome thought had entered her mind, she would say it aloud within proximity to Sunset who would add a new phrase to the book for Wallflower to memorize.
It had worn away at Sunset, yet she had kept her vigilance.
It was not enough to ruin her.
By the time Wallflower had packed to board the Morning Glory a little under a week prior, the phrases had stuck.
And the unbidden thought that had wormed its way into her head stayed.
She had to ruin Sunset Shimmer before she could ruin Wallflower Blush.
It was inevitable, a necessary step.
But it was already too late.
Tears flowed freely from Wallflower’s eyes. Her thoughts, her true thoughts, broke through the kind words that had been a shield against them, but were now too weak with its main enforcer absent.
The hedges around her began to wilt. They browned, slowly, twisted in on itself as it began to collapse into a shrivelled heap. A ring of dead grass formed around her, expanding outwards.
As the time passed and more thoughts assailed Wallflower, the wilting increased in speed. With each sob that wracked her, another portion of the maze became a shriveled husk of what it once was. More of the grass browned and turned to dust.
Soon, only Wallflower was left, standing alone in a sea of dead plants.
As it should be for such a worthless pony.
Sunset had told her something on the train platform before she had boarded to attend this ill fated party.
It had been the worst thing Wallflower had ever heard.
The wilting spread to Wallflower. Her fur browned and fell away. Her tears dried and her breathing became harder as more of her body wasted away.
She jerked into an upright position and surveyed the area in panicked confusion. She was in her room. Everything was just as she had left it. She looked over herself and, with some amount of alarm, realized that the sun hat and dress she had worn previously weren’t on her.
She threw the covers off of herself and scrambled towards the closet door. She threw the door open and saw her sun hat and dress hung within. They were as fresh as when she had put them on before.
She closed the closet door, trotted into the en suite bathroom and did a quick inspection of her appearance. Her mane and fur were in a state that indicated she had just woken up, and her face was without the makeup she had applied earlier.
Her breath hitched as panic gripped her thoughts. She kept herself steady with both hooves gripping the sink in front of her.
She was back in the room after… after…
She lost her grip and collapsed to the floor. She had died. She had become overwhelmed by her thoughts and then she’d shrivelled into dust.
She stayed on the floor holding back the sobs that threatened to break free. She waited for what felt like an eternity before she realized the absence of something important.
Sunset’s voice was gone from her thoughts.
Wallflower couldn’t hear her affirmations anymore. She grasped at her mind trying to find an echo of what had been, but nothing came. As she sorted through her mind, she felt elation before it quickly turned to dread as new thoughts began to form.
You’ve screwed up again, Wallflower.
Wallflower allowed the tears to flow and pool on the floor just below her. Sobs wracked through her body, leaving her stricken.
You’ve proven to be just as worthless as you know you are.
She saw, just at the edge of the bathroom wall through her tears, the tiled floor began to crack. It spread slowly towards her like creeping ivy, growing out in waves. In a panic, Wallflower reeled backwards away from the encroaching black and into the opposite wall.
She felt a need to scream, but it caught in her throat. The cracks crept closer. The wallpaper behind the cracks began to peel from the bottom and roll up the length of the wall turning yellow. The mirror, once clear, became covered in spots of dense black mold.
Everyone would be better off if you weren’t around.
Wallflower glued her eyes shut to block out the horrific sight. It was happening again. She was going to die.
Knock. Knock. Knock.
Her eyes flew open and she turned towards the source of the sound.
Somepony had knocked on her compartment door.
She looked back towards where the cracks had formed and saw that the bathroom had returned to normal. No damage could be seen.
Wallflower shakily rose to her hooves and trotted to the main room. She slid open the entry door and was greeted by Flash Sentry standing as dapper as he had before.
“Hello!” He sang cheerily, “Are you Wallflower Blush?”
Wallflower wiped her eyes with her hooves and drew in a shaky breath. “Y-yes, I am.”
He grinned widely. “Glad to hear it because I, Flash Sentry, am here to escort you today.”
Wallflower stared at him. He didn’t know her and had introduced himself as if for the first time.
After an awkward bout of silence, Flash did a once over of Wallflower’s appearance. “Late start to the day?”
Wallflower snapped out of her trance. “W-what?”
“I don’t mean to be rude, but you appear to have only just woken up.”
“Yes, sorry I slept in too long.” She thought for a moment. “Is the Garden Party today?”
“Yes, it is,” Flash said cheerily. “We have the Bonsai Exhibition, the Tea Party, the Art Gallery, and-”
“The Rose Garden,” Wallflower finished.
“Yes, exactly.” Flash looked around the room, lingering on the empty vase before returning his focus to Wallflower. “So, it looks like you need to get ready. Do you want me to leave while you-”
“No!” Wallflower shouted.
Flash was unfazed by Wallflower’s outburst. “Okay, I’ll be right here then. Anywhere you want me to be?”
You’re pathetic. You can’t even go a full minute without dragging someone else into your own misery.
Wallflower bit her lip to keep the sob from escaping her. She remembered some time ago a technique Sunset had taught her to keep intrusive thoughts at bay.
She imagined burying her thoughts in a lock box, then locking it closed with an iron padlock, which was the equivalent of trying to close the snaps on an overpacked luggage bag with triple the items it was supposed to hold.
She noticed Flash exhale a breath in relief, while she had been handling her thoughts.
“Just stand in the center of the room, please,” Wallflower asked.
Wallflower stepped back as Flash entered the room. He stood in the exact center, gave a crisp salute with his wing, and stood at attention with an easy grin on his face.
She left Flash alone in the room and trotted to the bathroom beginning her morning routine. She brushed out her mane, brushed out her fur, and applied light makeup to her face.
All the while Flash stood patiently in the other room.
Always burdening strangers with your own problems.
“Have we met each other before now?” Wallflower asked.
“Nope,” Flash responded.
She furrowed her brow in puzzlement and closed her compact with a snap. That was not the response she had hoped to hear. She shook her head and left the bathroom. She would deal with the oddity of the situation later.
She slid open the closet door and then became acutely aware of the second pony in the room with her.
“C-could you… ?” Wallflower stuttered out.
Flash nodded and rotated his body to face away from Wallflower. Moving quickly, Wallflower threw on her dress and sun hat.
Once everything was in place, she trotted to the door.
“I’m r-ready to leave,” She said as confidently as she could muster.
Flash turned to face her, and trotted forward until he was standing beside her. He smiled. “Where would you like to start?”
Wallflower mulled over her options, “The Bonsai Exhibition.”
“Then let’s be on our way,” Flash said happily as he trotted down the hall towards the exhibition.
Wallflower trotted along after him, all the while trying to keep her thoughts under control.
The day had been bearable. Both Flash and Wallflower had gone through each car compartment in the order she had done previously.
All the same exhibits were present, the same ponies could be seen wandering around, and the same food was offered at the buffet. She wandered about, taking in the sights for a second time and forcing herself to enjoy the Party despite her thoughts pressing against their locked prison.
The main difference from before was that Flash stood by her at all times.
He was there every step of the way, and his presence gave Wallflower a sense of safety against the stress of holding her thoughts back.
She never had to fuss or beg him to stay closer. He kept a respectable distance away from her at all times, and was always less than a single stride away if he needed to step back.
He was annoying, foalish, and inappropriate at times. He’d make jokes that were off kilter from the mood, do something that was out of place based on their location, or trot around like a pony a third his age.
She always rolled her eyes, or shook her head at him when he acted up. It was like watching a younger brother she never had. Always finding new ways to annoy her.
But she appreciated it.
His silly displays always happened when she felt her thoughts beginning to overwhelm her, and it helped to interrupt the flow of thought to allow her to shove them back into their box.
It was the only thing that got her through the day.
But Wallflower could feel that things would soon take a turn for the worst.
They had arrived at the Rose Garden.
The place she had died.
They stood side by side just past the doors of the train compartment. She trotted forward towards the entrance to the hedge maze, and, when she didn’t feel Flash follow her, turned around.
He stood resolutely in the doorway with his ever present beaming smile.
“Are you coming?” Wallflower asked.
“No,” Flash replied.
“Why?” She demanded.
“I can’t.”
Wallflower stared at him. She noticed that his resolute stance was not as firm as she had thought. His front leg seemed to have a twitch in it, his tail flicked irritably, and his wings fluttered occasionally at his side.
“You don’t want to be around me,” Wallflower concluded.
Because who would ever want to be near a wreck like you?
Flash’s jaw clenched. “It’s not that Wallflower. I just can’t. You have to-”
“Do it alone,” Wallflower finished. “As I should, since all I do is drag others down.”
She watched an internal struggle play across the twitches in Flash’s face. His ears were pinned to his head. He snorted lightly and pawed at the grass with a hoof. Wallflower had trouble parsing the emotions he was showing.
She presumed he was just uncomfortable agreeing with her.
“I’ll still be waiting here for you,” he finally said.
Empty words.
Wallflower turned away from him and trotted into the maze. She had gone around only one bend before her thoughts renewed their assault against her and tears formed in the corners of her eyes.
Wallflower woke up.
She stayed lying down in bed as she processed what had happened. She had wandered the hedge maze, become overwhelmed by her thoughts, and, just like last time, shriveled into a decayed husk.
She took a deep breath and sat up in bed. She surveyed the room again and noticed it was in the same condition as when she woke up the first time after she had died.
An inkling of a theory began to form in her mind.
She got out of bed and rushed through her morning routine. She brushed, applied her makeup, donned her clothes, and trotted to stand just before the door to her compartment.
Knock. Knock. Knock.
She slid open the door and found Flash standing just outside. Again.
He grinned widely. “Oh, well, hello there. My name’s Flash and-”
“You’re here to escort Wallflower Blush, me, around the Party today,” Wallflower interrupted.
“Yes, I am, so-”
Wallflower trotted past him and began her trek down the hall, interrupting his introduction. She heard his hooves clattering on the floors as he raced to catch up with her.
“We’re going to the Bonsai Exhibition,” Wallflower stated.
Wallflower stood once more before the rose garden hedge maze. The day had gone exactly as it had the first two times, though with her being snippier with Flash’s antics.
She turned to address Flash, who stood in the entrance to the train compartment.
Same as before.
“I have a theory,” Wallflower stated.
“Oh?” Flash asked with his ever present grin.
“Nothing matters.” Wallflower smiled. It wasn’t dissimilar to a shark.
“O-oh?” Flash faltered.
“Yep.” Wallflower swept her hoof in front of her. “Everything is repeating and I don’t know why. More importantly, I don’t care!”
“You don’t?” Flash questioned.
“Nope,” Wallflower replied happily. “Because now, I don’t even have to try.”
Flash was silent as Wallflower practically glowed in the bright sunlight filtering through the glass roof above, a radiant smile on her face.
“I can repeat today over and over again as much as I want,” Wallflower continued. “Nothing changes, everything stays the same.” Her expression melted into one of sheer bliss. “It’s perfect.”
Flash noticed the tops of the hedges begin to brown. They were almost burning in the sunlight that seemed to be getting brighter as this conversation continued.
“How so?” Flash asked hesitantly.
“Because I don’t have to pretend I’m okay anymore!” Wallflower laughed. The grass died in a small ring around her. “I don’t have to keep trying to be better or improve or move on because here, it doesn’t matter!”
The colour faded from the roses growing nearby. The decay of the hedges spread faster, the dead plants collapsing into a wilted heap.
“I can just wallow in my own misery.” Wallflower released another laugh that sounded closer to a sob. It was a horrific sound. “I can just hate myself here away from everyone else and spare them the horror of having to deal with the revolting-” The decay reached Wallflower at an increasingly alarming pace. “-vile-” It spread up her legs, causing the fur to fall to the ground as brittle fibers. “-horrid pony named Wallflower Blush.”
Flash stared at Wallflower in open shock as the decay spread. Her tail fell out. Her body shrivelled and aged at a rapid rate. Wallflower’s stocky build from years of gardening became nothing more than a skeleton with stretched over skin.
“I-I don’t-” Flash fought to form coherent sentences in his panic. “How- I need to- Wallflower, how do I help you?”
“You can’t!” Wallflower laughed again as tears flowed and evaporated just as quickly as they fell. “Nopony can! Sunset tried and she failed because she was deluded into thinking that there was anything worth saving.”
The decay spread encompassing Wallflower’s head. She had no time left. Flash stood there, tears in the corners of his eyes, amongst the dead plants. He shook in place, seemingly fighting back against a force that kept him rooted in place.
“It doesn’t matter. Nothing matters.” Wallflower cried out in a mixture of pain and pleasure. “It's like a rose, you know? A beautiful flower grown from a long thorny stem. I have to wallow in my own miserable existence, but I can at least save everyone else from being around me.”
“Finally,” Wallflower whispered as the decay began to take her voice, “I can stop burdening Sunset with these worthless feelings.”
Then she was gone.
Wallflower woke up.
She threw the blankets off of her, launched herself out of bed and onto the ground in a single fluid motion. She turned to look outside the window of her train compartment and took a deep refreshing breath of air.
You are disgusting.
“I am disgusting,” Wallflower agreed.
A full field of flowers outside the window wilted into a pile of shrivelled husks.
Wallflower smiled at the sight.
She trotted into the en suite bathroom, and did her morning routine. Once finished, she inspected her appearance.
You are the worst.
“I am the worst,” Wallflower said to her reflection.
A horrible crack resounded through the room as the mirror split into a myriad of smaller pieces while still managing to stay embedded in the frame.
She trotted back into the main room while humming an off kilter tune. She threw open the closet door, donned her attire, slammed the closet door closed and then threw open the main door to her room.
Flash stood just in front of the door with a strained smile on his face and a hoof raised ready to knock.
“Hello, I’m-”
“Flash Sentry,” Wallflower interrupted with a dazzling smile. “No time for introductions. Let’s be on our way, we have so much to do, escort.”
Flash had a nervous expression on his face as he asked, “Like what, Wallflower?”
Instead of an answer, Wallflower gave a wide smile that showed too many teeth.
“You see, Flash,” Wallflower explained as she made a sweeping gesture towards the bonsai on display, “That is how this bonsai represents a deluge of knives falling down on a pony and that pony dying in agony on the ground.”
The bonsai gardener who had tended to the piece had a shell shocked expression on their face and was shaking from the near ten minute explanation on how their bonsai represented what Wallflower called ‘Raining Death’.
“I… don’t see it.” Flash shook his head with a disturbed look on his face.
Wallflower, however, was grinning from ear to ear and looked like a foal who had been given a lifetime supply of candy.
“Well, I do!” Wallflower looked past Flash and clapped her hooves together. “Oh, that one is great.”
Wallflower galloped past Flash and to the bonsai she had set her sights on.
“I’m so sorry,” Wallflower heard Flash say behind her.
Well, that was rather kind of him to do, but ultimately unnecessary. Everything would reset regardless, so his apology was as meaningless as the random spheal she had come up with about that bonsai.
Everyone is better off if they don't involve themselves with you.
She already knew that of course. No point in having her burden others, but she first had to find out how to get rid of Flash right at the start of the loop. She couldn’t stop burdening others if he kept coming back.
He would be better off not dealing with her.
She just had to convince him of that.
He trotted up next to her.
“Come on, Flash!” Wallflower said, “I can’t wait to tell you about how this one bonsai is a perfect representation of a pony begging to be given air so they can breathe, but then becomes okay with it and lets themself die.”
Flash took a deep breath, affixed a strained smile to his face and walked after Wallflower.
“And this one is garbage,” Wallflower kicked a stack of pancakes to the floor. “And this one is moldy.” She smashed a plate of blueberries with a hoof. “And this one is just tasteless.” She shoved a chocolate fountain forward with her hooves, dousing nearby ponies in a spray of liquid chocolate and covering her front hooves in the syrupy confection. She framed her face with her hooves and turned to Flash. “Just like me!”
Flash looked uncomfortable as he stared back at Wallflower helplessly. “Wallflower, don’t you think you should-”
Wallflower raced forward and shoved a carrot muffin into Flash’s mouth. “I think you should just enjoy this garbage muffin I just shoved into your mouth since you seem to love worthless trash so much.”
Flash painfully swallowed down the muffin. “Wallflower, please, just step off of the buffet table-”
Wallflower shoved her sticky chocolate covered hoof into Flash’s mouth and turned to look at another of the tables. “Oh, look! Garden greens. I think they should be mashed greens, don’t you?”
Wallflower leapt from the table, and missed the landing. She skidded forward and collided with the table in front of her with a loud crash.
“Wallflower!” Flash shouted as he chased after her to check if she was okay.
He stopped when he heard high pitched laughter.
“Haha! This is great. It’s just so wonderful,” Wallflower cackled. “Oh, that hurts, but it feels good.” She stood up wobbly on to her hooves. “Oh, but this is going to be hard to continue in this state.” She turned to look at Flash. A rivulet of blood trickled down her face from a scratch on her forehead. “Good thing I’m in a loop, huh?”
The food on the buffet tables rotted at an instantaneous rate. Rotted petals fell from the ivy overhead.
Flash gulped. “I don’t know what you mean, Wallflower.”
The rot accelerated along the ivy and made its way quickly towards Wallflower.
“You’re lying, Flash. You act too differently from everyone else to not be in the know.” She smiled at him. “But don’t worry. That just means I’ll wear you down eventually.”
Before Flash could reply, the rot overtook Wallflower and caused her to disappear in a pile of dust.
Wallflower smashed a nearby painting with a sledgehammer grasped in her hooves. The plant-made frame shattered into clumps of dirt and grass on the ground.
Nearby ponies continued trotting about unaffected by the carnage. She had noticed that as the loops continued that they responded less and less to her actions. She didn’t know if it was on purpose or if something else was at play, but it did let her continue undeterred. Besides, they at least understood that it was best not to involve themselves with her.
Regardless of other ponies, she was really thankful for that one artist that made portraits through blunt trauma to a tree. Gave her a nice handy tool for her next foray into getting Flash to give up on her.
He had continued to be evasive on answering whether he was also looping or not, and still stuck to her through every loop. It didn’t really matter as she was certain he would understand eventually just like the ponies around her.
Best to leave her be.
Speaking of Flash.
“Wallflower, what are you doing?” Flash cried out.
“Look, Flash, it’s broken!” Wallflower said as she leaned against the hammer and gestured with her free leg towards the destroyed art piece. “Just like me.”
“You’re not broken!” Flash exclaimed.
“Yes, I am.” Wallflower giggled. “I’m broken goods. Worthless. Nopony should ever want me.”
“That’s not true.” Flash flung his wings in desperate exasperation. “You’re not broken. There are ponies that want you around. You have-”
“Who?” Wallflower tilted her head in question.
“Who what?!” Flash shouted back.
“Who wants me, you?” Wallflower stared at Flash with a dangerous glint in her eyes.
“No!” Flash exclaimed. “Sunset. The mare you-”
He was cut off mid sentence as Wallflower laughed hysterically swinging the sledgehammer around haphazardly in her hoof.
“Sunset?” Wallflower laughed. “Sunset!” She stopped laughing abruptly. “She’s better off without me.”
Flash stared at her in open bewilderment.
Wallflower hefted the sledgehammer back and slammed it into a thick nearby wooden column. “I’m a burden.” She swung again. “I am worthless.” A chunk of wood splintered off from the column. “I don’t deserve her.”
Tears appeared in the corners of Flash’s eyes. “I-I’m sorry, Wallflower. I screwed up. I failed you.”
Wallflower turned to Flash with tears in her eyes. “Flash, you haven’t failed me. I failed myself.” She laughed. “How could I ever let somepony like Sunset date somepony like me. I looked at the most beautiful pony in Equestria and told her I was thinking of ending myself because I felt threatened that she would make me feel okay.”
Flash was struck speechless. A groan echoed through the room and he flicked his eyes to Wallflower’s left which then opened wide in alarm.
He raced towards her. “Wallflower, move!”
Wallflower turned towards where Flash looked just in time to see the column she had smashed apart fall on top of her.
Wallflower woke up in bed.
She stayed under the covers, staring up at the wooden, spiralling ceiling. She wondered, how many loops had she done?
She had done the bonsai reading somewhere around her sixth. The food incident was her eleventh… eighteenth? She had no idea what her last loop had been in terms of number, but admittedly it had definitely been a wild one.
She hadn’t gotten crushed by a wooden beam before.
She got out of bed and took a deep breath. Another wonderful loop of self indulgence. She breezed through her morning routine, and waited in the main room for Flash to arrive. No use leaving without her escort.
She still needed to show him how terrible it was to be around her.
She was sure she could manage to prove to Flash without a shadow of a doubt he would be better off not dealing with her. If he was repeating just like her then she was certain he was close to the breaking point. If he wasn’t looping, then at least she would know what to do to get him to leave her alone.
Then she could just wallow in her own misery by herself and away from anyone she could hurt.
She sat up in her bed and turned to look out the train compartment window, but instead found her gaze drawn towards the vase sitting on the desk. Still as empty as it had been since the beginning of the loops.
She got out of bed, trotted to the desk, dropped onto her rump and let her head rest on top of the desk as she gazed at the swirl of orange painted onto the vase.
It had been a good idea at the time when she’d bought it just before boarding the train. A vague hope that maybe she could manage to do the impossible despite herself.
You’ll never do it because you know how worthless you are.
She sniffled as unbidden tears came to her eyes.
You’re the worst thing about others.
She took a deep breath and stood back up. She gazed once more at the vase before reaching out a hoof towards it.
The door to her train compartment slammed open and Wallflower whipped her head around to stare at the intruder.
“You have the rare honour of talking to Prune Shears!” Flash announced as he trotted into the room.
“I- what?” Wallflower exclaimed in confusion.
“Come on, we gotta go.” Flash grabbed Wallflower with a wing and guided her towards the door. “Don’t want to miss such a great opportunity.”
“T-this is not how this goes,” Wallflower protested. “Y-you don’t do this. I usually have time-”
“Nope, no time, Wallflower.” Flash wrangled Wallflower through the door and started the trot towards the Bonsai Exhibition. “No time to waste with an opportunity like this.”
Wallflower tried to struggle against Flash but found it a futile effort against his larger size. Leave it to her to have a pegasus escort that weighed as much as an earth pony.
No matter, she would suffer through this new event then focus on finding a way to have Flash give up on her. Maybe go back and deal with that vase.
“I-I don’t really want to do this,” Wallflower said nervously as she was dragged with one of Flash’s wings towards a familiar orange pony in the bonsai exhibition.
“Sure you do!” Flash replied with a cheerful grin. “It’s a golden opportunity to interact with a spectacular, well known bonsai gardener. Who wouldn’t want to meet him?” Flash then mumbled, “Plus if you’re talking with him, I don’t need to worry about you purposefully going out of your way to harm yourself.”
“What was that last bit?”Wallflower questioned as she continued to be pulled along by Flash.
“Nothing important,” Flash quickly said. “Oh, look! The gardener you get to meet.”
The gardener in question happened to be the pony from her first loop that had told her about the wallowing bonsai. She immediately identified it by its odd form of an overhanging lamp with a deluge of branches hanging in the shape of an umbrella around it.
The pony was snipping a few loose branches off of the bonsai with a pair of garden clippers in his hooves. With him turned to the side, Wallflower noted that his Cutie Mark was of two separate tree branches tied together with a red ribbon.
Flash let Wallflower’s rump drop to the floor as they came within speaking range and kept one wing placed firmly on her withers to thwart any potential escape.
“Good morning, Mr. Sentry,” the pony greeted in a monotonous tone. “How can I assist you today?”
“Well, this is Wallflower Blush.” Flash presented her with his free wing as Wallflower attempted to wriggle out of his grip. “She’s the head gardener of Canterlot Castle and is fascinated by your work.”
“I-I am not,” Wallflower said indignantly.
The pony quirked his right eyebrow at both of them.
“She is!” Flash corrected. “And if she doesn’t want me to chase after her all over the train and drag her back here, she will speak with you.”
Wallflower scowled. She’d been cornered. “Fine, I will talk with him since I’m such a big fan.”
It did help that she genuinely was curious about his work.
“That’s the spirit.” Flash patted Wallflower roughly on the back with his wing while Wallflower glared at him. “Now, I’ll be leaving you two alone together.”
“What?” Wallflower exclaimed, “Why are you-”
“Have fun!” Flash interrupted.
With his job complete, Flash turned away and skipped merrily towards another part of the exhibition. Wallflower stared after him in a boiling rage as she contemplated whether the gardener would let her borrow his shears to stab Flash in his stupid face with.
She turned back to the stranger and met his gaze.
Just as before, a part of her felt threatened by the look he gave her.
You’ll ruin him just like you ruin everyone else.
She needed to find a way to finish this conversation as fast as possible. A curt greeting, some small talk to satisfy Flash’s nebulous demand, and then she could return to wallowing in her own misery. It’s what she wanted to do.
But the bonsai was right there.
And she was curious about it.
“W-what kind of bonsai is it?” Wallflower asked. “S-sorry, to clarify I mean what does it represent? I know it’s a hedge maple based on the leaf coloring.”
The pony was silent for a moment, presumably choosing his words carefully, before finally speaking. “I call them wallowing bonsais.”
She approached the display to get a closer look as her curiosity piqued at the name. “How interesting. Do they have a purpose?”
“Grieving.”
Wallflower whipped her head towards the pony. She noticed he had a hoof held out for her to shake.
“Prune Shears,” the pony offered. “Mr. Sentry didn’t introduce us.”
Wallflower shook the proffered hoof. “Wallflower Blush. Though, I think Flash did remember to introduce me.”
“He did indeed,” Prune said. “Ms. Blush, you are the Head Gardener for Her Majesty Princess Celestia?”
Wallflower nodded. “Yes, I was offered the position after the last head gardener retired, and for my ability to grow any flower in any environment. A benefit of my mark and particular brand of magic.”
Prune raised both eyebrows in astonishment. “Any flower in any environment? That’s very impressive, Ms. Blush. Any noteworthy examples?”
“A cactus in a jungle.” Wallflower giggled lightly. “The Princess called me out on my claims and gave me the most nonsensical test of my abilities. I only regret that I accidentally created a new species of the plant in question that thrives there.” Wallflower grimaced. “And a new breed of snakes covered in cactus spines.”
Prune regarded her with respect. “Barring the snakes, Ms. Blush, that is quite the feat.” He glanced past her at his bonsai. “Makes my accomplishment seem paltry in comparison.”
“I beg to disagree, Prune,” Wallflower said. “I’m more impressed by your bonsai. It evokes very powerful emotions just at a glance.”
Prune allowed a soft smile to grace his lips. “A sentiment shared by many. I haven’t yet elaborated on what I had told you earlier have I?”
“No, you haven’t.”
“Well, then allow me to remedy that Ms. Blush.” He trotted to the bonsai with Wallflower tracking his movement with her eyes. He grasped a branch delicately on the flat of his hoof. “Wallowing bonsais represent grieving. More specifically for loved ones who have passed on.”
Wallflower felt her thoughts take a turn towards the dark. The bonsai wilted under Prune’s touch. He seemed oblivious to this change.
“They’re for funerals then?” Wallflower asked.
“And families that wish to care for something while they cope with their loss.”
Wallflower frowned. “They find solace in their death by replacing it with a plant?”
Ponies would celebrate your passing.
“Close, but not quite, Ms. Blush. They care for the bonsai as a way to remember their loved one,” Prune said with reverence. “A form of closure for when the burden of their loss is too great to handle.”
“Finding closure in their passing? Wouldn’t they be too busy celebrating finally being rid of their burden?”
You will be remembered long enough for somepony to be happy you were gone.
The leaves of the bonsai fell off all at once forming a pile of dead foliage below the plant. The pedestal upon which the tree’s pot sat cracked, and toppled over displacing its contents across the floor.
“No, I would think not, Ms. Blush.” Prune narrowed his gaze upon her. “I would think they would be remembering the wonderful times they shared with the pony they loved.”
“But what if there is nothing wonderful to remember?”
Prune frowned. “Then I could not fathom why they would be interested in one of my bonsai. I do apologize, Ms. Blush, but I appear to have lost track of the conversation. I’m rather confused by your questions.”
You always let everyone down, causing trouble for everyone that bothers to talk to you.
The floor turned black, spreading out in a perfect circle around Wallflower whose furred hooves began to brown at the edges.
“Have you ever felt like it would be better for everypony involved with you to not know you?” Wallflower asked.
You’re a burden to everypony that knows you.
The browning along her hooves spread up her legs and started to encompass her barrel. Flowers in bloom above them began to wilt, snap off their ivy and gently float down to the floor.
“No, I have not, Ms. Blush.” He regarded her with his red eyes. “I do not wish to presume, but would you happen to feel that way?”
“Everyday,” Wallflower answered. “I know everypony would be better off with me gone.”
Because you are worthless.
“I’m sure that’s not the case, Ms. Blush,” Prune said compassionately. “Somepony must-”
“They do,” Wallflower interrupted. “They care about me, but they shouldn’t because I’m not worth caring about.”
The browning, the rot, spread past her barrel. It covered her body causing her fur to clump and fall off into piles of dead fibers.
“I feel there are some contradictions in your statements, Ms. Blush.” Prune reached out to her with a hoof before retracting it. “It sounds to me that you are the only one that doesn’t seem to care about yourself.”
You always burden others with your baggage.
Wallflower smiled.
You make everyone uncomfortable by just being around.
“I’d want to believe that I’m the only one that doesn’t care about me,” Wallflower lied.
No one truly cares about you because no one could love somepony as unlikeable as you.
“But I couldn’t imagine anypony liking me as I am.”
The rot claimed the rest of her. Wilted petals fell around her in a flurry from above. She dissolved into dust.
“I don’t want to, Flash,” Wallflower said angrily as she was once more pushed by the most enormous, dense pegasus she had ever met towards Prune Shears. “You only said I needed to talk to him once. Why do I have to talk to him again?”
“What are you talking about, Wallflower?” Flash replied as he continued to drag Wallflower along in his wing. “I only just told you about Prune Shears today. How could you talk to him ‘again’?”
Wallflower crossed her forelegs and sat on her rump hoping to be enough of a deadweight to stop Flash’s forward momentum. “Let me guess. Just like last time, I have to talk to him or you’ll keep dragging me back here until I do?”
“I still don’t know what you mean by ‘last time’, but yeah that’s the idea.” Flash replied as he effortlessly continued to shove Wallflower forward.
“The purposefully obtuse thing you have going on is really starting to get on my nerves.”
Flash simply smiled back in response.
Despite her efforts to be as big a drag as possible, she once more found herself before Prune Shears. The pony in question looked at both of them with a quirked eyebrow and puzzled expression. Flash went through the same introductions as before then trotted off leaving her alone with Prune.
“Good morning… Ms. Blush, was it?” He asked. Wallflower nodded. “Do you have any questions for me?”
“No,” Wallflower curtly replied. “If you don’t mind, I’d prefer to just watch you work.”
Prune regarded her with a tilt of his head. “Very well then, Ms. Blush. Observe as long as you wish.”
He grabbed a tool box from behind the display partition and began his work caring for the bonsai. Primarily pruning and watering the miniature tree.
Despite her wish to spitefully ignore him due to Flash’s interference, she found herself drawn to watching him work. He handled the bonsai with delicate care on a level Wallflower could respect and found the work as engrossing as if she had been doing it herself.
“Do you mind if we speak as I work, Ms. Blush?” Prune asked. “You remind me of somepony dear to me and I feel like talking about them.”
“Do as you wish,” Wallflower answered.
He finished trimming the current portion of the tree he had been working on and began to speak as he started on the next. “Do you know what kind of bonsai this is?”
“Hedge maple, though symbolically, you call it a wallowing bonsai,” Wallflower said. “They’re for grieving.”
He nodded. “That is correct, Ms. Blush. As expected knowledge from a supposed fan. However, did you know that I did a different type of bonsai prior to this?”
Wallflower stayed silent. Prune took that as an indicator to continue.
“I used to do red knot bonsai.” Prune snipped an errant branch off of the tree. “Two different miniature trees sharing one pot. They would grow away from each other naturally, but, after their growth cycle was finished, they would then be tied together by three interconnected strings.”
Against her better judgement, Wallflower found her interest once more piqued. “Was this one also symbolic?”
Prune smiled warmly. “Yes, they were, Ms. Blush. A red knot bonsai was given primarily as a bridal gift to newly wed couples.”
Wallflower felt a turmoil of thought roil within her mind.
“Each string would be a different colour. One matched the first pony’s coat colour, a second matched their soon-to-be-spouse’s coat colour and finally a red string to bind them together.”
The floor beneath her turned black and began to spread out towards the edges of the room.
“The red string is a symbol of binding through love. The finished piece was to signify the affection of the two ponies growing over time and staying strong through the bad.” He chuckled. It was a warm baritone. “The sentiment was sappy, Ms. Blush, but I admit to having a soft spot for romanticism.”
“How could you do something so horrible to those poor ponies?”
Prune stopped what he was doing and regarded Wallflower with a puzzled expression on his face. “What do you mean, Ms. Blush?”
The rot raced up her legs, and quickly encompassed her barrel. Her thoughts turned darker as they roiled in a seething rage at the atrocity Prune had committed.
“Binding somepony to another forever?” Wallflower laughed. It was fractured and grating to the ears. “What a horrible thing to do. What if the second pony wasn’t worth binding to? Should the string not snap from holding up the sheer weight of worthless garbage?”
“The idea is sustainment, Ms. Blush. To hold through, to grow,” Prune explained. “If two ponies in love decided to bind themselves in this way-”
“They shouldn’t!” Wallflower shouted.
You’re ruining everything, again.
“I shouldn’t!” Wallflower stomped a brittle hoof, cracking the blackened floor.
Making everypony uncomfortable.
“To bind some poor pony that did nothing wrong to useless baggage like myself is too cruel.” Wallflower felt tears roll down her face. “It’s wrong. She’s been nothing but kind and understanding, but I know she only tolerates me out of pity. As she should. Sunset should never-”
Wallflower brought a forehoof to her mouth as she gasped and fell back onto her rump. Prune trotted forward and placed a hoof on the side of her face. His eyes stared back into hers.
Those intense eyes.
Then she understood.
She knew why they felt like a threat.
They were filled with compassion and understanding. Nothing but unconditional love for everypony that falls under their gaze.
They were like Sunset’s eyes.
And they burned her just as much.
Before he could speak, Wallflower placed a hoof over his mouth. “No, I don’t want to hear it. I don’t want to hear her words from your mouth. I don’t deserve them. Why can’t you just leave me be? Why can’t you stop letting yourself be dragged down by me?”
The rot spread further. It overtook her body and spread across her face. Her tears, flowing harder than they ever had before, evaporated from her eyes giving the impression that she was crying black smoke.
“Why couldn’t you give your love to somepony else?” Wallflower choked out.
Then she faded into dust.
Wallflower woke up.
“Kill me,” She called out to the room.
Rotted, black flower petals fell from the ceiling. Her bed wilted, blackening at the edges, creaking as the wood split. A groan filled the train compartment as pieces of the room collapsed on itself in a tangle of black wood.
A single crack appeared on the pot sitting by her bedside.
“I know you’re listening.” Tears dropped freely from Wallflower’s eyes as she rolled to her side and buried her face in her pillow. “Whatever you are, I don’t want to deal with this anymore. Just make it stop. Save everypony else from me.”
She became buried as more and more petals piled up.
“End me. Let Sunset forget the cruel pony that stole her love.”
Then she died.
Wallflower woke up.
Then she died.
Wallflower woke up.
Then she died.
Wallflower woke up.
Then she died.
Wallflower woke up.
Then she died.
Wallflower woke up.
Then she died.
Wallflower woke up.
Then she-
“Enough!”
Wallflower felt a reverberation shake the train compartment as she was unceremoniously tossed out of bed. As she got her bearings, she turned towards the train compartment entry and found herself staring at a massive orange pegasus standing before her.
He had red rimmed eyes, was shaking in place, and his barrel noticeably grew and shrank from his heavy breathing.
“Get out, Flash,” Wallflower said.
Flash shook his head and sat his rump down on the ground with his wings tucked into his sides.
Tears of frustration formed in her eyes. “Leave me alone.”
“No,” Flash replied petulantly.
“Why are you being so stubborn?” Wallflower cried out. “Just let me-”
Flash stood tall in place with his chest puffed out. “Y-you have been invited t-to meet-” Flash took in a ragged breath. “T-to meet Prune Shears at t-the bonsai exhibition.”
“No!” Wallflower yelled at one of the most annoying pegasus that she had ever had the displeasure of meeting. “I’m not talking with her- him again. You can’t make me. Get.” She stomped her hooves on the ground. “Out!”
Another shake of the head.
“Why are you doing this?” Wallflower screamed, furious at the interruption. “Why do you keep up this stupid lie that you don’t know that the loops are happening? Why do you keep obstinately coming back to escort me around? Why are you still here?”
“I’m sorry,” Flash sobbed. Wallflower stared at him, struck by the tears flowing freely down his face. “It wasn’t this bad for me. I-I thought, when the train asked- I just-” Flash sniffled. “You were hurting, like me, and I just wanted to do for you what Next did for me, but I screwed up. Badly. I panicked after the hammer incident. I kept pushing and pushing and pushing and thought that I could just bullrush you into feeling better because I've never had to handle something like that and I don’t get it. Not as well as I should. I just don’t know how to help because every time I do, I make it worse.”
“Then stop HELPING!” Wallflower yelled. “I don’t want to be helped and even if I did, you can’t. Just let me suffer. I don’t deserve your help!”
You’re the root of his pain.
“You don’t deserve to suffer like this,” Flash said. “You deserve happiness too.”
You’re ruining his life.
“I know you can’t just wish away bad thoughts and I can’t just make your problems disappear,” Flash continued.
It’s all you ever do.
“But if you just need to hear something good about yourself to help,” Flash whimpered. “I think you’re pretty rad.”
You are only capable of-
That is the dumbest thing I’veever heard come from a pony’s mouth.
Wallflower stopped. She narrowed her eyes in confusion as she processed what Flash said, running the sentence over in her mind.
Then, impossibly, she snorted.
“Rad?” Wallflower released a short bark of laughter. “Really?”
“What’s wrong with rad?” Flash said, sounding offended.
“I mean, like, nothing I guess. It’s just I think I’ve only ever heard twelve year olds say that.” Wallflower released another snort. “How old were you again?”
“Late twenties,” Flash said, embarrassment colouring his voice.
“Okay, okay. Now, what do your friends say your age is?” Wallflower asked teasingly.
Flash was silent. Wallflower waited.
“Five,” Flash said meekly.
Wallflower laughed. It was a light breezy sound similar to a summer breeze rolling through a garden in full bloom. Shortly thereafter, it was joined by Flash’s deep bass-like chortles.
They continued until air became a requirement thus forcing both of them to stop. Afterwards, Flash opened his wings with a shrug and an awkward grin. Wallflower rolled her eyes and trotted forward into the offered hug.
Flash wrapped his wings around her. Wallflower let her body relax as she leaned into Flash’s embrace burying her face in his chest fluff. She took a deep breath taking in the out of place scent of the ocean.
She felt warm. Protected. She wondered if that’s what having an older brother felt like.
She looked around the room from her limited vantage point.
It was a disaster. Black, rotted petals covered the cracked wooden floor. The walls were warped, the dimensions of the room twisted. Any furniture she could see was twisted in on itself, abstract in shape.
She took another deep breath. “I’ll talk to Prune Shears again.”
“Okay,” Flash replied.
“You need to let me go to do that.”
“Okay,” Flash repeated.
Flash didn’t let her go.
“Flash...” Wallflower admonished.
“You’ll really go talk to him?” Flash asked.
“Yes, I promise, Flash.”
“Okay.”
He released her.
She felt a pang of regret as the warmth left her and her thoughts began to assault her once again. It was like having her umbrella taken away in a rain storm and she was now on the verge of being washed out.
You’ll cause another scene.
You’ll make everything worse.
You can’t stop being horrible.
You have somepony tolean on if you need it.
Wallflower trotted to the closet. She attempted to slide open the doors, but found it stuck against the warped wood of the compartment. Wallflower rolled her eyes, braced herself, then threw her strength into forcing the door to slide open.
It flew open releasing a crack as wood splinters sprayed out from where the wood broke through the floor.
She put on her untouched sundress and hat, and turned around to see Flash pointedly looking away to protect her modesty.
“I’m ready to go,” Wallflower said.
Flash turned to look back at her and gave a beaming smile.
He trotted towards the open entryway of the train compartment, the door to said entryway had been ripped off its hinges and been thrown down the corridor, and swept his wing low in a seated bow.
She trotted forward through the entry door with Flash following shortly behind her.
Neither noticed the orange flower bud that had sprouted from the vase by the window.
Wallflower found herself once more before Prune Shears. Unlike the last time, Flash had lingered longer than he usually had after the introductions, but eventually left after several reassurances from Wallflower.
It was an odd change of role for her.
She met Prune’s gaze. She still felt threatened by the intensity of his eyes, but this time she felt invigorated to push through the discomfort. Flash had asked her to talk to him again, and, despite feeling that it was pointless, she would do it.
“So, your piece is a wallowing bonsai?” She gestured with a hoof at the display.
Prune nodded as he grabbed his tools from behind the partition.
“And you used to do a type of bonsai known as a red knot bonsai, right?” Wallflower continued.
“You are well versed in my history as a gardener, Ms. Blush. That is correct.” He set about trimming the bonsai with a pair of clippers from his toolbox.
Wallflower furrowed her brow. She realized that she had missed something about Prune’s story. Something he had never explained.
“Why did you stop making red knot bonsais?” Wallflower asked.
He paused for a moment, a morose expression crossed his face.
“You remind me of somepony.” Prune continued his work. “Somepony who was… is important to me.”
“Who is that?”
“My late husband, Carnation.” He cut a loose branch then placed the clippers back in his toolbox.
“He passed away?” Wallflower asked gently.
“From disease.” Prune shook his head. “A horrid thing. Slow, and agonizing. I would never have wished it on anyone, even someone I despised.”
“I’m sorry,” Wallflower whispered.
“It is not your fault, Ms. Blush. No one’s fault at all. Disease is rather uncaring like that.” He heaved a weary sigh. “Regardless, Ms. Blush, do you know why you remind me of him?”
Wallflower shook her head.
“He didn’t care much for himself. Had a lot of internal hatred for who he was.” He looked directly at her with a look born of experience. “A feeling I think you are intimately familiar with, Ms. Blush.”
You cause pain in everyone you meet.
Wallflower hung her head. “Yeah, I am.”
Prune nodded. “His thoughts were his own worst enemy. Always reminding him that he was a burden to me, a never ending problem. That he was dragging me down and stopping me from being able to live my life.” He closed his eyes. “I wish I could have convinced him otherwise.”
Wallflower felt her thoughts renew in their intensity. They poked and prodded, looking for a weakness in her defenses as she felt holes open up in her own determination to see this conversation through.
“That's why I started making wallowing bonsai. Caring for one in my husband’s name was therapeutic. It gave me closure after his death even while I was still feeling his loss.” He gave a wistful smile. “It made the pain bearable when I missed him.”
“That’s really beautiful.” Wallflower smiled.
It would be nice tobe remembered like that.
“I wish someone would care enough to do the same for me.” Wallflower’s eyes widened as she realized what she had said. “Oh my goodness, I’m sorry. I didn’t-”
“How about this one,” Prune interrupted.
Wallflower stopped. “This one?”
Prune nodded and gestured at the bonsai. “I’ll take care of it in honour of you. Name it… Blush. Do it as a reminder to you that somepony cares enough to think of you.”
“Why would you do that for me?” Wallflower questioned. “You barely know me.”
Prune took a deep breath. “My husband lived his life constantly doubting his impact and how important he was. It wasn’t his fault and I would never hold it against him, but I wished I could have given some form of reassurance that I would care in his absence. That I loved him despite his flaws.”
He gave her an affectionate smile, one born purely out of a desire to help. “I may not know much, but I know you’re a young mare who deserves better than what you promise yourself.”
“Y-you-” Wallflower felt tears flow from her eyes. “I don’t-”
“I have an idea of what you might say, Ms. Blush,” Prune interrupted. “And all I want is for you to one day understand your own worth. It doesn’t have to be now, but I hope you will in the future. Whenever that may be.”
Wallflower didn’t understand. This stranger had done something she couldn’t even have imagined. It might seem meaningless, being given the knowledge that she would be mourned and remembered, but it meant more to her than she could describe. More than what she could even begin to feel.
His eyes looked back with the same intensity as always, but this time there was some understanding from Wallflower. Recognition. They burned bright with love. Care for anyone that may fall under its watch.
Wallflower found herself wondering.
For a brief, indescribable moment.
If she could do the same for Sunset.
You are capable of showingand receiving love.
“Thank you,” Wallflower said.
Prune smiled back.
The exhibition room glowed a bright red. It pulsed in time to Wallflower’s heart, spreading with each beat until it covered the entire room and its occupants.
Then millions of carnations bloomed.
It started at the ceiling and quickly overtook the room drowning everything in a sea of bright red flowers.
As they reached Wallflower, she felt an ache.
It brought a tear stained smile to her face.
It had been so long since she had felt this way.
A longing ache in her heart.
And, for once, it didn’t hurt to let it ache for whom it ached for.
