Somewhere in the multiverse is a special place. A pub in a seedy back alley in almost every city, yet it is all one pub. A pub with the image of a skull and crossbones, with two hands holding some ale.
A place where conquerors, dictators, murderers, and psychopaths can go and relax. Destress from a long day of laborious evil deeds, and even heal the wounds from encounters with heroes.
A place called the Villain Pub.
If you want a specific villain to appear, PM me the deets.
Not currently taking OC villains unless they're from a popular story on here.
FEATURED ON 03/06/2023?! TALK ABOUT AN EARLY BIRTHDAY PRESENT!
It was a slow night in the villain pub. A few villains sat in the pub, only a few famous DC and Marvel Villains arguing, as well as the bartender, Sheev Palpatine, or Palps, who was bordely cleaning out a glass with a black cloth imprinted with the pub's logo, and a few other villains just mingled or sat alone.
"...nonono! Joaquin deserves the oscar for best actor!" Heath Joker insisted.
"No. Josh Brolin! He went through all that GGI Work to look like Thanos!" Zod countered.
"Thanks for the support, Zod!" Thanos said, his head popping out of the restroom before going back to plunging the toilets.
"Guys. Guys. Guys." Killmonger said, stopping the argument. "Perhaps we should change the subject. Let's talk about.... best-animated picture."
"Spider-Verse." Prowler said without hesitation.
"That was last year." Lex Luthor said in annoyance.
They went on, continuing their arguments as the heavy metal door to the pub began to hum a theme song as the logo for My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic was burned into it before fading.
The door opened, revealing a weakened Lord Tirek, Queen Chrysalis, and Cozy Glow entered the pub, small patches of stone dotting their skin as they walked in with a grumble, sitting at the counter.
"Why are we letting these wannabes in?" Kaecillius asked Palps before pointing a thumb at Cozy Glow. "One of them isn't even of legal age!"
"We are open to all villains. As long as they spread hate, they are welcome." Palps said with finality before turning to the newcomers. "What can I get you three?"
"Love," Chrysalis demanded.
"Magic!" Tirek insisted.
"Chocolate milk!" Cozy Glow smiled.
"Coming up!" Palps gave them a thumbs up, before using the Force to pour the royalty their drinks, and grab Cozy Glow a plastic bottle of chocolate milk.
Tirek's glass of liquid magic was a sort of shining orange energy, which bubbled like it was carbonated. Chrysalis' was similar, only light pink.
The three sipped their drinks as Palps leaned on the counter before speaking to them.
"So, what makes you evil enough to attend?" The Sith lord asked.
"Well. We are a group of villains called the Legion of Doom...." Tirek began.
"Hey! We are the Legion of Doom!" Comic Lex, Sinestro, Cheetah, Joker, and Scarecrow said in unison as they growled.
"....and we were brought together by a being called Grogar........" Tirek continued, getting some impressed gasps.
"They brought him back?" G1 Megatron said, walking into the bar.
"..........who turned out to be Discord in disguise......." Tirek said, sipping on his magic, his muscles slowly returning to normal mass.
"Cop out!" Comic Mandarin said as he walked past the three.
".....yes well. We got ahold of his Chaos Magic, and nearly took Equestria!" Tirek said proudly.
"And let me guess? They did an asspull and defeat you from the brink of defeat?" Palps guessed.
"Yup....." Tirek grumbled. "Then they blasted us with Rainbow Lasers from "the magic of friendship"....."
A few of the non-Brony and anime villains snickered, while the others who were gave looks of sympathy. And then they turned us to stone." Tirek finished, a few of the villains looked impressed.
"Brutality." Scorpian blinked from his mask.
"Yep. And it's stiff too!" Chrysalis groused, rubbing some stone dust from her chitin flank.
"And they did that to a kid!" Lobo asked in shock, pointing to Cozy.
"Yep! And it hurt!" Cozy said, causing some of the more honorable villains to go into an uproar.
"Are we sure that we are the villains here?" Vertigo Lucifer asked, causing a few of the other villains to nod in agreement.
"Well. It seems you have earned your places as villains! Stay for as long as you need! Afterward, go back to doing your best of the worst!" Palps said with a grin, putting a comforting hand on Tirek and Chrysalis' shoulders.
"Thank you!" Cozy said with a gracious smile.
"Darn she's cute." Another villain muttered.
"So. What is this place? And what is your deal?" Chrysalis asked.
"This...is the villain pub!" Palps said, showing off the artifacts and best customer pictures on the walls, and various glassware and tanks of various drinks. "A place where villains of all kind from across the multiverse to rest, relax, and grumble about heroes!"
"This place sounds great!" Chrysalis said with some honesty.
"Glad you think so! Because I am going through some.....expansions!" Palps said with an evil grin.
"So, Palps.....how you dealing with that humiliating cinematic return?" Joker asked with a smirk.
"LEGENDS DID IT BETTER!" Palps hissed back.
"Well yes. But not many people know about it. So all your fans that don't know about Legends will have your name tarnished! Forever!" Joker said dramatically, causing the MLP villains to chuckle.
"Well. At least it was better than Leto's fluster cluck." Palps retorted.
"Haha! You forget though. My new movie has an oscar nominee!" Joker smirked. "I love it that we live in a society."
"Hmmm.....yes. I forgot to say earlier. Welcome to the club." Killmonger said, with Sauron nodding his eye in approval.
"What are these...oscars?" Cozy Glow asked.
"Oh. An earthen award used to show what movies are the best." Palps explained.
"OK. Why do we care about them?" Chrysalis asked.
"I-I don't know honestly....." Palps admitted, putting a finger on his chin. "But, it is a cool thing to show off."
"I wonder, can TV shows win oscars?" Cozy mused innocently.
"Well. They can win Daytime Emmies." Palps said.
"Like SPN!" Supernatural-Lucifer said, raising a glass.
"Yes yes yes. We all know about your 45 Emmies." Palps rolled his eyes.
"And you should!" SPN-Lucifer said smugly.
"Stupid Sin of Pride." Palps rolled his eyes.
"So....we aren't alone in the multiverse. Starswirl theorized about this. He even sent three creatures to another world, so the rumors say." Tirek said.
"Really?" Palps asked. "You guys have a Multiverse?"
"Well, I guess, who doesn't?" Tirek shrugged.
"Point taken." Palps shrugged back. "Well, enjoy your drinks. And as I said, stay as long as you need."
"Where do we go after this?" Cozy asked.
"Well, until you get a spin-off, a continuation of your stories or prequels made, you can work here." Palps offered. "We could use some fresh blood."
The Legion of Doom looked at one another, before grinning back at Palps.
"OK. You know what to do?" Palps asked Tirek, with the centaur being dressed in a barkeep's uniform. The MLP villains have gotten jobs in the Villain Pub. Tirek is an assistant barkeep, Chrysalis gets supplies for the bar with her siding as clean up, and Cozy Glow.....is their mascot.
"Greet the customer, ask what their drink will be, and serve the drink." Tirek nodded.
"Good, good, good!" Palps complimented, his voice getting raspier with each word before laughing triumphantly. "You have been taught well, Lord Tirek!"
"Well, I can thank you for that!" Tirek said just before the door chimed with a cheery song about rainbows and demons, as a symbol appeared on the door.
It had a single eye in the shape of a key, with a black heart with a yellow background for a pupil in the handle. The key rested on a red circle, with a smile of off yellow fangs beneath the circle, with each end of the smile ending in a smaller red circle.
Lucifer from Supernatural perked up, sensing familiar energy, as well as the other demon-inclined villains attending the pub that day.
The door opened, revealing a tall man standing at seven feet. He was quite slim and had grey skin, sharp yellow teeth spread in a grin, short red hair with black streaks extending from the top of his head resembling deer ears adorned his head.
His eyes had red scleras, bright red irises, black pupils and he wore a black oval-shaped monocle over his right eye.
For clothing, he wore a bright red dress shirt with two black marks that crossed each other. Underneath, he had a dark red pinstriped coat along with burgundy dress pants.
He was also dressed in a red-knotted bowtie, burgundy gloves, and black shoes with red deer hoofprints engraved on the soles.
Completing his outfit, he carried a cane with a vintage style microphone attached to it.
"Ah. A new customer!" Palps said with his usual raspy voice. "Places!"
"Hi, there!" Cozy Glow flew up to the mystery man in a little uniform Zod had sewn for her. "Welcome to the Villain Pub! What can we get you, sir?"
"My my, you are a cutie." The man said, his voice sounding like it came from an old radio as he kept his grin plastered on as he spoke, walking into the bar and looking around critically. "I could just eat you up. And, what is this place called? A villain pub?"
"Why yes, Mr...?" Cozy trailed cutely.
"Alastor." The man said, a cruelness of a sort entering his grin.
The door opened once more, revealing five more demons.
The first was a tall demon who looked around cautiously, possibly measuring her height around 6'1" with unique curly long blonde hair with peach pink highlights. Her lips were black and she had red cheeks. Her eyes were black and her sclera is the coloration of light yellow. Her eyelids have a contrasting pink shadow, they also seem to be decorated with gray eye shadow. She wore a black bow tie, a white shirt underneath her pink-colored tuxedo, paired with aubergine colored trousers and long black suspenders.
The second one was a small one-eyed demon, akin to a cyclops, with her eye being made up of a hot pink and orange sclera with a light yellow iris that darted around the pub.
She had short yet fluffy pink hair with a yellow undertone. Her teeth were sharp and light yellow, and she had pink dots at each end of her mouth. Her attire was themed after the 50s, as she wears a dark pink scarf, a white shirt with pink dots which appear to have a slight dripping design, along with a pink skirt with a poodle design and yellow dots.
She also has small limbs of dark pink coloration.
The third was an anthropomorphic cat with a casino playing-card theme who walked in with a grimace.
His fur was taupe-colored, overlayed with white fur on his face, torso, feet, and upper arm. He had long red eyebrows with dark red vertical stripes near the tips, a black heart above each eyebrow, and his eyes were brown with orange pupils. His tail was brown and long, ending with some large "plume-like" fur, which was red with black and white stripes, and it slumped weakly like his shoulders. His wings were large in size and red, with black stripes and suits markings. The insides of his ears were white with dull pink stripes, and were eternally hunched down. He wore a black top hat with a red hatband, a golden hat decoration, a red bowtie, and a darker shade of taupe ankle braces.
The fourth was a slim demon with slightly dark gray skin, who was also the most cautious and held a spear of some sort.
Her hair was white, with light pink stripes at the ends, and she wore a big pink bow in it. Her right eye was a light yellow and her sclera was light pink. Her left eye was missing and instead was replaced by a pink X.
She was wearing a pastel goth-like outfit. Her mini dress was white with light-navy blue X's on the chest, a frill at the bottom, and a belt, and all items were the same color. She also wore light-navy blue evening gloves and a choker of the same color. Her right stocking was light-navy blue and her left stocking had light-pink stripes.
The third demon is was one of the tallest, with him standing around eight feet tall, he had a slender build with fluffy white hair and pink details on his fur, including a pink heart on the back of his head. He wore notable eye shadow and eyeliner and while both of his irises were pink, his left eye has a dark sclera and no pupil. He also possesses a single golden fang among his sharp, venomous teeth.
One of his most noticeable features was his prominent chest that resembled a woman's breasts. The chest is composed entirely of fur, pushed up by the tightness of his jacket.
His attire consisted of a white suit with pink stripes, a black and pink bow tie, a black choker, pink gloves, a black miniskirt, and long black thigh high heel boots.
"I don't recall this being a room in the hotel....." the first demon mused to herself.
"Oooooooohhhh...definitely cleaner than most of the hotel!" The small demon said with glee.
"Hmm. It has booze. That's all I care about." The cat demon said with a monotonousness, sitting down at the bar.
"Hun, we don't know who all these people are! We should leave!" The fourth demon said to the first, her spear jabbing at the patrons of the bar for emphasis.
No weapons allowed in the bar! A large, fat yellow dragon Esque creature with a green piked turtle shell adorning his back said, his words appearing in a speech bubble next to his head.
The moth goth girl raised her remaining eyebrow, yet looked around for a place to put the spear, before finding a weapons rack nearby. With a sigh, she obeyed and put it down.
"Thank you." The dragon-turtle said, before going back to wherever he was.
"OK, what the Hell is this place?" The first demon asked Tirek, the rest of the group sitting down at the counter.
"This is the Villain Pub! A place for sinners, psychopaths, dictators, conquerors and just the simple villain to sit down, have a drink. Exchange stories of villainy! Muse on how we aren't so different from the so-called heroes!" Tirek explained grandly, getting a thumbs up from Palps on the side before e continued. "Now, what makes you villainous enough for the pub to call out to you?"
"Call out?" The spider demon asked curiously.
"Yes. Call out. You see, we serve a.....very specific clientele: villains. This bar is for villains only, none of those annoying and pesky heroes! So, this bar has an enchantment on it, calling out only to villains. Sure, there are isekis and cafes and the like, and they're all well and good, but we want to be sure we are only serving doers of evil!" Tirek said proudly. "Now. What makes you evil enough that the bar called out to you bunch?"
The demons looked to each other, before the first demon spoke.
"I suppose I should introduce myself. I am Charlotte Magne, friends call me Charlie, and I am the Antichrist. Lucifer's child." Charlie said simply.
A few of the lesser demonic villains in the bar murmured, and others stared at SPN Lucifer.
"What? She isn't mine. You idjits know my kid is a boy!" He said defensively.
"Fascinating. You are?" Tirek asked, turning to the spider demon.
"Names Angel Dust hot stuff! In life, my pop was a mafia don. We were one of the crime gangs in the US durin' the 40s." Angel Dust said with a bitter pride.
"Interesting!" Tirek said before turning to the moth demon. "And you?"
"Name's Vagatha. So far, the only reason I know I'm in Hell is I'm gay." Vaggie shrugged. "Although murdering my rapey English teacher didn't help."
Tirek raised an eyebrow before finally addressing the last cyclops demon and the cat demon. "And you two?"
"I'm Husk. I forget what I did." The cat demon shrugged.
"I'm Nifty!" The small demon said excitedly.
"And, what did a being so cute as yourself do to deserve damnation?" Tirek asked. Nifty jumped onto the counter and whispered in the centaur's ears, causing his eyes to widen in shock as she sat back down. "That..........OK. You know, Mr. Alastor, I never asked, what did you do?"
"Oh? Little ole me? I was a radio host in life, as well as a cannibalistic serial killer, nothing too unusual." Alastor shrugged.
"Cannibal.....serial.......yikes," Tirek blinked before shaking his head. "What can I get you guys?"
"Tea for me and Nifty." Alastor said with boredom.
"Cutty, straight up," Angel Dust said simply.
"Whiskey," Vaggie said simply.
"Some water for me," Charlie said with a smile.
"Coming right up!" Tirek said, turning around and going to get their drinks, taking some glasses and filling them before sliding them to the demons.
"This is some good shit," Angel complimented, sipping on his Scotch.
"Why thank you!" Tirek said as the group continued to sip their drinks.
"So.....how long has this place existed?" Charlie asked, drinking her water.
"I uh...." Tirek wasn't sure. He looked to Palps, who was still observing. He silently asked for some help, and, through a sigh and roll of the eyes, Palps walked over.
"No one is really sure..... I just found it one day after the explosion of the Death Star II." Palps admitted.
"Interesting." Charlie nodded. "So. Since the Bar 'reached out' to us, when we open that door, it will always take us to the here?"
"Yes! At least till closing time. Then that room goes back to whatever it was." Palps explained.
"Guess I'll wait to get my strap-on later," Charlie muttered before replying. "Guess that makes sense."
"What if you are in the room or area all ready when the bar opens?" Vaggie asked.
"Oh. That room remains the same, and if you open that door while in the room, it'll lead to what is normally outside that room. In this case, your hotel." Palps explained.
"OK. That's good." Vaggie nodded.
"Got any spots open for a cleaner?" Nifty asked excitedly.
"I guess so. Why? Want to sign up?" Palps asked with a smirk.
"Hell yes! You can always use some extra pay in Hell!" Nifty nodded.
"Do you speak Japanese?" Palps asked.
"Uh, I do. Why?" Nifty asked with a blink.
"We are expanding to other realms, including Anime villains. That means a few might be...undubbed." Palps said in his usual froggy manner.
"Then count me in!" Nifty said, extending her hand.
Aside from Bowser, the bouncer getting rid of an odd menagerie of loud hyenas, the bar was rather quiet that day. Days like today tend to be rather quiet. The only people attending today were the regulars, Voldemort in his dark green robes sipping on some Fire Whiskey, Joker drinking a brightly colored cocktail he custom ordered dressed in his equally custom purple and green suit, and Loki dressed in his fine Asgardian leathers of dark greens and golds. Meanwhile, Zod was nursing his neck, still in his dark black Kryptonian uniform and a neck brace around the aforementioned neck, while drinking some ale, dejected he couldn't get drunk and numb the constant neck pain and stabbing feeling in his chest.
Tirek was wiping off a whiskey glass with a white rag as Chrysalis was sitting in silence, carefully watching as that new Nifty girl, donned in a stylized version of the uniform close to her old look, was obsessively cleaning every speck of dust she could find. Only stopping in her single-minded quest when she caught a cycloptic plankton walking toward the back kitchen in her feather duster, mistaking him for a silverfish.
After setting him down she approached Cozy Glow, who was sipping on a box of chocolate milk sitting on a stool at the bar.
Nifty approached, confused. "Hey! Why aren't you working?"
Cozy Glow shrugged. "I'm the mascot. I look cute, put on doll eyes, and show newcomers to their seats. But in case you didn't notice. This place is empty of newcomers."
Nifty pondered this, her confusion short-lived before she simply went back to work.
Suddenly, the door glowed a rainbow color from its edges as the symbol of My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic emblazoned itself into the door, a somewhat more poppy theme to the tone of 'Ponies got that beat', rather than the usual 'My Little Pony' played. The door opened and a somewhat confused biped exited the doorway.
He was some form of a satyr, with white fur donned in dark blue armor, with two lightning blue streaks in a rather menacing manner on his breastplate and a long bushy tail trailing from his behind. He was carrying a rather gnarled dark blue staff, with a crystal between its two prongs making it resemble a trident. Finally, he wore a crown with two spikes between his horns that curved upward upon his head.
He looked rather confused as he carefully sat at the bar, resting his staff on the counter.
Tirek approached with a smile. "What can I get you, friend? It's rare to see a fellow villain from Equestria in here!"
The Storm King blinked. "I'm-I'm sorry. Who are you? And how in Tartarus am I here?! Last I knew, I was on the verge of triumph! And I would have succeeded! Were it....not....for something....I... I don't entirely....remember...."
Tirek squinted his eyes before whispering to Cozy Glow. "Who is this guy?"
Cozy Glow looked at him before her eyes widened. "That's the Storm King! He took over Equestria for a good few weeks and took all the magic of the Alicorns! Even Princess Twilight! With it, he caused some cosmic chaos by messing around with the Sun and Moon! It was in the papers for months afterward!"
"Oh my! What stopped him?" Tirek asked, impressed.
"According to the papers, his first lieutenant, a crippled unicorn, betrayed him. She blasted him with some sort of, a bomb that turned him to obsidian. Unfortunately, he was on the tower balcony of the palace when she did. So soon afterward he, well...." Cozy Glow raised her hoof before bringing it down harshly, making a whistling sound before making a shattering sound when her hoof reached the bottom.
"....That is horrific. Actually, a lot of villains in Equestria have surprisingly horrific fates. Wasn't Sombra atomized by princess Twilight?" Tirek blinked. "Why doesn't he remember what happened?"
"That happens to villains who have such a graphic death, I remember when Yoshikage Kira first appeared here," Voldemort explained, speaking suddenly, as he was two seats over from Cozy Glow. "Or a particularly horrific or brutal one. Like being shattered. As this..what is he a satyr? This satyr experienced. Don't tell him. He'll realize it in a little bit if he's smart." He-Who-Should-Not-Be-Named explained.
Meanwhile, the Storm King sat, thinking hard and quietly.
"Aaaany minute now." Voldemort sighed. "He must have been a fearsome villain if he managed to actually succeed in his goal before being defeated! Like I did!"
"Wasn't your goal total genocide of all non-magic users?" Joker butt in and reminded.
"Well, I mean, yes. But mainly it was about me killing Potter!" He said, saying the name like it was the worst curse one could utter and emphasizing the P breathily.
"Wow, and I thought the obsession with my hero was bad. Speaking of obsession, say Loki, I must say I prefer the TVA uniform. Suits are classy." Joker smiled widely.
"Oh, well thank you! I thought it suited me well!" Loki smiled, surprised that was what he brought up from his recent time in the TVA.
"What wasn't classy was smooching that lady Loki!" Joker laughed loudly. "I know narcissism! And that was next level, Loke!"
"Gah! At least I helped introduce Kang the Conqueror into the MCU! I hope Quantamania does him well for his first real introduction!" Loki said proudly.
"Are you kidding? They're introducing the next big phase villain in an Ant-Man movie!" Voldemort commented. "They're going to make him a lame joke so that D-lister can survive! Your whole Universe is now just lame quippy jokes!"
Cozy Glow and Tirek turned away, letting the trio bicker amongst themselves.
The Storm King sat in silence, still thinking about how he appeared in this place.
Before suddenly, he screamed out. His eyes widened and his mouth agape, memories flashing in his eyes.
"OH MY! I DIED!? I DIED HORRIBLY?! AND I WAS BETRAYED BY THE PERSON I BETRAYED!!" Storm King screamed out, stopping the bickering trio and getting the attention of the Changeling Queen, who up till that point was keeping a close eye on the demon maid.
"Happens to the best of us, buddy." Joker sighed sympathetically. "Well, not me. But it happens."
"What about Harl-" Voldemort was interrupted by a gloved finger pressed up to his lips.
"I need to go back! I need to get revenge! I need to take over Equestria again!" The Storm King said with a slightly crazy look in his eye.
"Now now now," Tirek said, trying to calm him down. "There will be plenty of time for conquest later! Can I get you anything to drink?"
The Storm King paused for a moment, before simply saying. "Wine. Red wine."
"Oh, fancy!" Tirek chuckled. Pouring him a glass of wine in a wine glass.
"To the brim please." He specified.
Tirek raised an eyebrow but complied before handing him the wine glass.
He drank it all with a deep swig, downing it all in less than a minute. Slamming it down onto the bar counter as now filled with liquid courage, he stood up to his full and rather imposing height, grabbing his staff in his right hand he cricked his neck.
"Thank you all! I will now return to Equestria and finish what I started! And now I know not even death can stop me!" He cackled, the villain trio simply sighing, knowing full well he was going to fail harder than he did before.
"Yes well that's all well and good but you still need to-" Tirek was cut off harshly.
"I truly appreciate the help, centaur! Hey, isn't your species extinct? Eh, whatever!" He laughed, turning from the bar and making his way to the door.
Tirek blinked, before stuttering out. "Hey! You need to pay for the drink!"
"See ya, Centy!" The Storm King smiled, before leaving the bar with a mad grin.
Tirek sighed. "That's coming out of my salary..."
Chrysalis and Cozy Glow both blinked at that, before yelling out. "You're being paid!?"
Tirek chuckled nervously as he was surrounded by Cozy Glow and Chrysalis, who had murder in their eyes. Why they intended to harm their co-worker you may ask? Well, they just discovered that they were working for free, while Tirek was being paid!
"What do you mean 'that's coming out of your paycheck'?!" Chrysalis hissed, approaching like an arachnid staring down its prey.
"Well, well I mean I, I'm being paid!" Tirek explained simply.
"How are you being paid!?" Cozy Glow screeched.
"W-w-w-well, I have a set pay schedule!" Tirek explained, hands up defensively and looking for an escape route, knowing full well Chrysalis would be able to overpower him in his current form. Cozy Glow was more of a schemer than a fighter, so he just ignored her and kept the focus on the Changeling, which was slinking over the counter.
"And how exactly do you have that?!" Chrysalis growled, now only three feet from Tirek.
"I-I-I asked for it!" He explained quickly, hands up defensively as Chrysalis lurched closer, backing him up until his hindquarters bumped into the liquor shelves.
"And who did you ask, exactly?" She growled, now inches from Tirek's face. Her breath smelt of roses and chocolate, oddly enough.
"Pal...pal..palpatine!" He explained. "I just knocked on his door and asked for a pay and he gave it to me!"
Chrysalis blinked. "You mean we could've just asked!?"
"I just assumed since I was the mascot I don't get paid! Why did you think you aren't being paid?" Cozy Glow asked Chrysalis.
Chrysalis blinked, now that she thought about it, she didn't know why she didn't ask.
Tirek blinked, using her moment of confusion to slip out of the way and walk to the side several feet away to safety away from her immediate vicinity.
"...so do you wanna...ask Palpatine for a salary?" Cozy Glow asked, tapping Chrysalis on her thigh and getting her out of her confusion.
Palpatine sighed. It was a sigh of deep, deep annoyance, as his eyebrow twitched and his hands clutched a mug of fresh Caf, black and bitter as he enjoyed it.
He sat at his desk in his office, a dark and gloomy place that reeked of oppressive power. A swiveling chair was mounted into the ground behind the metal desk. Upon it were a computer, a hologram that showed his name, and a cup of pens and a pad he had for notes.
He sipped the freshly brewed Caf, provided by a brewer he kept on a shelf to his left. On the room's back wall was some imperial propaganda poster with something written in Aurabesh, and on the right wall was the Sith Code framed. In the back below the sign was a small bookshelf with some books about Sith Philosophy, as well as his own published texts.
The room was silent, save for a clock ticking above the entry door, and the breathing of the two sitting in front of him.
Chrysalis and Cozy Glow both sat in the mildly uncomfortable chairs provided to them, sitting across from Palps' desk.
"Repeat to me what you just said." He demanded in his raspy voice.
"We would like a salary, sir," Chrysalis said, the emotions coming off of Palpatine scaring her slightly.
"Y-yeah! Like the one Tirek has!" Cozy Glow insisted.
Palps sipped his Caf and popped his lips. "I thought I heard as much."
"Does that mean you'll do it?" Chrysalis asked, shoving down her nervousness.
"Why should I?" Palpatine replied.
"Ex...excuse me?" Chrysalis blinked.
"Why should I pay the two of you? Do you want money? Work for it. Tirek does and that's why he gets paid." Palpatine explained shrewdly. "What do you two contribute?"
"Well, I show people to their seats, and provide a pleasant sight for villains who may have just come from a battle!" Cozy Glow insisted, giving her best cute face.
Palpatine however, was not amused.
"Noted..." He said sourly. "Bughorse, what do you provide?"
Chrysalis held back her annoyance at that nickname, instead she composed herself. "I do the same that Tirek does! And more! I take orders from tables!"
Palpatine nodded, sipping his Caf again.
"Is that all you do?" Palpatine asked.
"Wh..what do you mean?" Chrysalis queried.
"I mean, all it sounds like is that you are redundant." He said, his glare visible from under his hood. "And redundancies are best left...culled."
Chrysalis gulped, nodding. "Wh...what else would you have me do?"
Palps got up, looking out a window into the bar at the door, and sipped his Caf, his black imperial robes fitting well beneath his dark purple Villain Pub uniform.
He examined the bar, its comers and goers. As an idea formed in his head.
"You will enforce our ban list." He smiled.
"Ban list?" Chrysalis asked.
"Yes, I have banned several troublemakers and risks to the pub. While this is a place open to all villains, that is also a threat. As some villains are....worse than others." He explained. "Either because of rivalries with other patrons, being known problem causers, or a genuine threat to everyone here."
"Who's banned?" Chrysalis asked curiously.
"Oh, the Chaos Gods, Homelander, Deadpool, and Plankton, just to name a few." He said, sipping his caf and turning to face Chrysalis. "You will act as a security guard, as well as maintain your current role. If you see someone banned enter the pub, your job will be to either tell Bouser the Bouncer or remove them yourself."
Chrysalis considered this, then nodded. "How much will I be paid?"
"$8.75 an hour," Palps replied. "Is this.....acceptable?"
Chrysalis nodded. "It is."
"Good, good, good!" Palps cackled. "I will give you a copy of the ban list. You start tomorrow."
Chrysalis was satisfied, deciding to leave the office and celebrate elsewhere. Palpatine chuckled as she trotted out, before sitting in his chair again, locking eyes with Cozy Glow.
Strange, he thought, looking her over. I believed she had left by now.
After a full minute of silence, as the filly seemed to be judging him, Palpatine spoke first.
"What do you want?" Palps asked, annoyed.
She smirked, an arrogant little smirk. A smirk that vexed Palpatine greatly.
"You know, Tirek was always more of a brute, and Chrysalis, while clever at times, was mentally broken by the time we had met in person. And from accounts of Thorax when he visited the school of friendship, as well as the meek fool Ocellus, her greatest vice was her hubris. She could barely see ahead for things like threats or assumed her power and presence made her immune to failure. Ironically it was this head-up-her-own-flank thinking that had lost the 'queen' her kingdom."
Palps raised an eyebrow but said nothing besides a chuckle.
"And don't get me started on the flamboyant idiot that was King Sombra! Yes, he was powerful and competent for a time,, his trouble was keeping his goal once he had it." Cozy Glow observed, fluttering onto the desk so she and Palpatine were eye to eye. "And Grogar, man. Grogar according to the myths was a great horror! A father of monsters and a master of dark magic! Some sources say he invented dark magic and could even raise the dead!"
At that, Palpatine raised an eyebrow, impressed.
"Yet the Grogar we met wasn't even Grogar! It was that fool Discord in disguise!" She spat, sounding insulted. "My entire time knowing Twilight, was nothing but meeting so-called legends who could barely stand up to their legend."
Palpatine sighed. "What is your point, child?"
"You are nothing but another failed legend." She said bluntly. "Your greatest feat of manipulation was abusing an emotionally stunted and mentally unstable boy with too much power than he could handle! Oh sure you manufactured a war too, which I guess was impressive. But do you know what I see now? A scarred old fool, who barely holds a candle to his legend."
Palpatine blinked, anger tricking through his body as lightning darted from finger to finger. Yet he sighed, unable to act.
Cozy Glow smiled wider. "You may be asking, how do I know all this? How do I know you wouldn't have attacked me? Well, I always adored legends. So in my free time, I read yours. And this bar's."
Palpatine said one thing. "You know nothing. You are simply not worth my energy."
"I know about Charon." She said simply.
That, got a reaction.
His eyes widened, as he summoned his lightsaber to his sleeve, igniting it and holding it to her throat. He growled, the saber humming as its edge was left at her neck.
"I know you won't kill me. And if you don't want this secret spread, I want an actual, proper salary. Not minimum wage like you conned Chyrslais with." She smiled.
And, she was right. Palpatine sighed and snuffed his saber, sitting into his chair.
"Grrr....fine!" He growled. "Be gone. I will provide you with what you want!"
Satisfied, Cozy Glow turned around and headed to the door. Before turning back and saying, "and if you fail to uphold your end of this bargain, I will spill the secrets of the bar."
With that, she left the office and slammed the door behind her.
Palpatine sighed deeply, sitting in the chair and drinking the rest of his Caf.
"Who knew a child could be so cold?" He muttered. "At least all she desires is money....and if that changes, it gives me time to think of something."
He sat in his chair and sighed, putting his mug down.
