Starlight and Spike face a challenge that threatens the foundation of their friendship.
Spike and Starlight became friends the moment life put them in the same castle. As they grew closer over the years, they didn't think anything could break their friendship.
Unfortunately, all it took was one night to throw that belief into chaos. Now, they have to not only work together but battle their own doubts and insecurities to figure out a way to fix the broken bond between them.
It seemed to be another usual morning at the Ponyville castle. Breakfast had just been laid out, courtesy of Twilight, and the three residents were seated around the table. Spike and Twilight sat on one side with Starlight sitting on the other.
“Excuse me, Starlight, could you please pass the syrup when you’re finished with it?” Twilight smiled brightly at the unicorn sitting across from her at the table. “That is, of course, if you don’t end up using the whole bottle, yourself.”
“Huh?” Starlight looked down at her waffles, now drowning in syrup, and immediately pulled the syrup bottle back. “Oh, sorry, Twi. Here you go.” She levitated it over to Twilight with a small smile.
“No need to apologize,” Twilight replied. “There’s plenty more where that came from. Spike brought home more than enough from his trip to Sascoltewan last week. Use all you want.”
“Oh yeah,” Spike spoke up for the first time that morning. “There’s a bunch in the pantry.”
Starlight felt her hooves tense up at hearing his voice. Her eyes met his for a brief moment and her heart jumped before she had a chance to turn her gaze elsewhere. She took a deep breath as quietly as she could, and turned her focus toward the waffles before her instead of the dragon sitting only a few seats away from her.
“I’ll keep that in mind,” Starlight stated, taking a large bite. Her eyes clenched, the sudden burst of sweetness igniting her brain with a flash-flood of bright lights. “Mmm, it’s uh… it’s real good.”
“Excellent,” Twilight replied. “Do you want some syrup, Spike?” Twilight turned to the dragon who was staring into his own plate of food.
“Oh, sure, thank you.” Spike took the syrup from her and poured some on his own waffles. “I won’t use too much, though. Too much sugar wears the fangs down, or whatever they say.”
“Well, I’m glad you’re finally taking my advice on watching what you eat,” Twilight replied, cutting off a sizable piece of her own waffles. “It’s only nineteen years late, but better late than never.”
Spike chuckled. “Yeah.”
What followed was nothing but silence as the three consumed their breakfast. Every crunch of waffle, every sip of coffee and every napkin crinkle echoed off the walls. The tension had been building from the moment the three of them sat down, lacing the air with a heat as if a wet, hot blanket were thrown over the three of them.
Or at least two of them…
“So…” Twilight said, looking back and forth between her two friends. “You guys are being awfully quiet this morning. I’ve normally had to solve at least two friendship problems caused by you two by now.”
They both casually shrugged in unison, not bothering to look up from their plates. Spike grumbled and shrugged while Starlight let out a sigh and rolled her eyes. Twilight cocked an eyebrow.
“Okay,” she said. “What happened last night? Did you guys not get enough sleep or something?”
Spike spat his current bit of food back onto the plate and Starlight nearly swallowed her fork, both of them erupting into a fit of coughing.
“I, um, I…” Spike cleared his throat, nodding his head. “Yeah, I just didn’t sleep too well. I’m pretty tired, still.”
Starlight wiped off the food remnants that splattered her lips from her coughing fit with a napkin and provided her own nod. “Yeah, same here. Just, not enough sleep and… stuff.”
Twilight nodded. “I’m sorry to hear that. I know how much you guys value your ten plus hours a night.” She giggled softly. “Maybe you two will eventually be like me and learn to operate on four hours or less every day. Actually, please don’t. You two are cranky enough as-is some days. I’m not sure I’d be able to handle you guys being sleep-deprived every day.”
“Yeah,” Spike spoke up. “That’d be a fate worse than death, I’m pretty sure.”
“Agreed.” Twilight grinned and scarfed down her current bite of food. “Not to mention it’d be horrible if you guys couldn’t keep up with your dancing lessons together. What would your teacher think if you both fell asleep during the next practice?”
A loud clang rang out as Starlight’s fork dropped onto her plate. Spike and Twilight both glanced towards the mare who was staring very intently at the table.
“Yeah,” Starlight said, finally looking up at Twilight. “We wouldn’t anything to mess that up, would we? Especially not after all the months of practicing we’ve been putting in.”
Spike bit his lower lip, casually glancing at Starlight. “Yeah… that’d suck.”
Twilight nodded. “Yeah, especially considering your guys’ first show you have coming up? When is it again?”
“Next week, actually,” Spike responded. “We’re just doing a small thing at the Royal Diamonds Ballroom in Canterlot. Once Celestia caught wind that me and Starlight had started learning to dance, she wanted to be the first one to see.”
Starlight slowly nodded. “Yeah. It’s going to be a lot of fun. We’ve been working really hard for it... I, um, I hope it turns out well.”
“I’m sure it will,” Twilight stated, a bright smile on her lips. “As much as you guys bicker about everything, you actually work amazingly together.”
Spike coughed. “Huh?”
“W-What do you mean, Twilight?” Starlight followed up, her mouth held slightly ajar.
“With dancing and doing work around town,” Twilight replied, darting her eyes back and forth between them. “Do you guys not like working together or something?”
Starlight shifted in her chair. “No, it’s not that. I just, I didn’t know what you meant. LIke I said, tired and all that jazz.”
Spike bobbed his head. “Yeah, same. I love working with…” He slowly, cautiously turned his head toward the mare across the table. “...Starlight.”
This was the first time all morning the two had made eye contact for more than a fraction of a second. This time, they fell to the other end of the spectrum, holding each others’ gazes for much longer. Seconds, hours, weeks. They stayed there, eyes locked on each other until Starlight broke it off, ducking her head down.
“Yeah, you’re right,” she said, her face heating up. “I think we make a great team.”
Twilight nodded her agreement. “I don’t think there’s another pair out there that can cause as much mischief and give me as much of a headache as you two do, sometimes. Actually, I guess that just goes to show how good of friends you two are, huh?” Twilight punctuated her though with a snicker and another bite of waffle.
“Yeah, we definitely do,” Spike said, looking anywhere but at Starlight.
“Yeah.” Starlight’s voice was barely above a whisper. “I always thought we were, at least.”
Spike immediately turned his attention to Starlight. A single tear rolled down her cheek and onto the table, splashing into her largely ignored breakfast. He drummed his claws against the table, opening his mouth as if he wanted to say something, but shut it immediately afterward.
Twilight, for her part, looked even more confused than she was before.
“Okay, there’s something going on here.” Twilight turned her head back and forth between the two of them. “Things are way too weird with you guys this morning. Is everything alright?”
Silence.
“Did you guys get in a fight or something? Do you want to talk about it?”
The silence continued.
“Well, nevermind then,” Twilight said, letting out a sigh. “Let’s go ahead and call it a morning, then, before things get any more strange. I’ll be in my room going over some new taxation proposals for most of the day, and you two have your own work to do. So, let’s just go ahead and get started on it, okay?”
It didn’t take more than a second for Spike and Starlight to get up from the table and head toward the stairs. Twilight looked at the mess of plates and cups they left behind and rolled her eyes.
“You guys might try taking a nap before you interact with anypony else,” she called out after them. “Just saying.”
Starlight couldn’t get up the stairs fast enough. She couldn’t get away from him soon enough. Every creak of every step he made when walking behind her made the queasiness in her stomach grow tenfold. She was suffocating, trapped in the stairwell.
And then she finally reached the top.
She hung a right turn and dashed down the hall toward her bedroom. Upon reaching it, she raced inside and slammed the door shut behind her. She had to take a few deep breaths just to collect herself and ease the pressure she felt in her stomach and chest.
In, out, in, out. She closed her eyes as tightly as she could and started to count to ten in her head, an extremely valid tip Twilight had taught her for dealing with stress. It worked in almost every situation she’d found herself in before, sothis was bound to be the same.
One. Two. Three.
Why did he have to give her that look at the table? How could he even pretend like they could look at each other like that again?
Four. Five.
He didn’t have any right to act like everything was normal! How could he ever think things would be normal again?
Six. Seven.
Why did he look into her eyes?
Eight.
Why did he have to be so stupid?
Nine.
Why does it hurt so much?
Ten.
Why did she even care?
She opened her eyes and took one final, deep, relaxing breath. She took in the familiarity of her room and released the negativity in her chest the best that she could. Everything would be okay. Nothing was a big deal. Things happen, and you move on.
She took a second to look around her room, not ready to move quite yet. The only light came from the sun’s rays seeping in through the closed window blinds. It created a dull glow, almost gray, that lit up just enough of her room to move around but not enough to further exasperate her growing headache.
But it was okay. It’d go away. Everything was the same.
Her overflowing wastebasket was the same. Her stack of old music records was the same. The posters on the wall were the same. The picture of her and Trixie and… him… at the Appaloosa Fair was the same. Her bed, with the blankets falling off and the sheets pulled halfway off the mattress was the—
That sickening, painful pressure leaped right back into her chest again as she looked at the disheveled mess that was her bed. Even though last night’s storm had passed, the damaged remained. It was not the same. It never would be again. It was impossible.
She slowly crept toward it, almost afraid to get on it. All the chaos of the previous night was still evident. Her bed sheet was blown away, untucked from three of the four corners. The pillows turned every which way still. She was just too tired to fix them last night, and there was no time to set them this morning. And… And it’s not like she was in any mood to do it anyway.
Why did it matter? It wasn’t like it mattered to him. It shouldn’t matter to her either. She was tired anyway. Her bed was her spot, and she wasn’t going to let a stupid dragon ruin something that was hers.
She climbed onto the mattress, creeping her way up to the pillows. She reached out and pulled one underneath her head and laid there on her side. She just needed a nap. That was all. She’d rest for an hour or two, go to Rarity’s place to pick up the new tablecloths and then she could come back and clean up her room. Business as usual. She just needed to sleep and forget anything and everything that happened.
She shut her eyes, taking in the peace. After a few seconds, she could hear the birds chirping outside the window, their song providing the perfect ambiance for a mid-morning nap. They didn’t worry about anything. All they cared about was flying and feeding their babies and singing to each other.
A few more seconds passed, and she could feel the soft caress of the mattress and pillow beneath her. She wanted so desperately to pull the blankets up over her, but that required too much energy for right now. Maybe… Maybe in a bit. But the mattress was comfortable enough. Her body sunk just far enough into it. She could feel it balance her perfectly; it relaxed her. She could feel her body slowly falling into it. She could feel the slight indentation where his weight pushed her into it, testing every last spring her bed had.
A smile formed on her lips. She giggled ever so softly and—
“No!”
Her eyes flew open followed by a barrage of short, shallow breaths. She half expected to see him there, laying next to her still. Of course, that wasn’t the case.
She shook the thoughts away the best that she could. “Just… Just take it easy, Starlight. Relax.”
She closed her eyes again, this time focusing on the feel of the pillow beneath her head. It cradled her, soothing the headache that had plagued her since she got up that morning… alone. By herself.
It was alright, though! If things were going to be the same, the best way to do it was to pretend that nothing ever happened, right? Spike was way ahead of the game there, and she was going to match him step for step.
The pillow sure was comfortable, anyway. She nuzzled into it, feeling the soft downy feathers, the furtive dampness, the subtle scent of sweat that drifted into the air from it. The aroma carried a comforting sensation with it. Almost a saltiness to it, combined with that cologne he always insisted on wearing just because he spent a king’s ransom to get it. It wafted through her nasal cavities, her heart fluttering as the aroma seeped around her. His hot breath practically burning her cheek as he laid next to her. Her sweat soaked the pillow… and his face as well. It created a shine on his scales that the moonlight reflected off. It made her heart jump in her chest as he pulled her closer to him, laying his head on hers, planting kisses on her cheek, driving her head into the pillow, her whole body on fire as he gripped her tighter. His muscular arms wrapped around her neck, his body on hers, the stench rifling through the air every time the blankets shifted, the—
“Ahh!”
She shot up in her bed, her chest heaving. She looked around her room, once again expecting him to be there only to find herself alone. She was panting, her body heating up at an alarming rate. That smell, that emotional tug, that comfort, that security, that feeling of closeness… it all lingered. It wouldn’t go away. She wanted it to go away.
She wanted it to stay forever.
She collapsed on the mattress again, this time her head facing the south end. She didn’t bother closing her eyes, instead choosing to stare at the pale green color of the last remnants of bedsheet. It was holding on for dear life. She could still make out the small tears where Spike’s claws got a little too frisky. She could see the light, pale salt remnants where the pools of sweat had dried up.
She could see the large, ovular, dark stain. She felt a shudder up her spine. It had no scent, no other markings, but she knew exactly what the mark was from. It almost made her gag. It also put another smile on her face.
“Ugh!”
She turned her head and burrowed it into the bed. Why? Why was this so hard for her? Why couldn’t she just let this go and pretend it never happened?
She felt a slight soreness in her neck at this new angle and reached a hoof to search out the cause. She felt a few scratches underneath the fur. That’s right. Spike knew precisely where to nip at her, and he didn’t go halfway. He went the whole nine yards and a few more for added measure.
And that tongue. The blackness behind her eyelids was a flash of bright light as she felt his tongue slither around her neck and inside her mouth. The taste of his breath; the hot, smoky flavor from his lungs. The salty, pungent taste of her body on his quivering lips…
“No, no, no!”
That was the final straw. She had enough. She wouldn’t be getting any extra sleep, and she needed to get out of her room for a bit. She could already feel the burning in her body again, and she just needed to get away. She needed to start her day.
She needed to be like him and leave. Pretend it didn’t happen. Not give it a second thought. Not care at all.
She was going to Rarity’s and getting her day started.
She hopped off the bed, shaking her head, trying to rid herself of all the insanity and emotion infiltrating her mind. She’d have to sort it out later. She grabbed a nearby towel and cleaned the sweat off her brow before heading out the door.
She could handle this. She was an adult after all. This should be easy.
Right?
“Oh, Starlight! Do come in!” Rarity stepped aside from the doorway, allowing entry to her guest. “You’ll have to forgive the mess; it’s been one of those mornings.”
“It’s okay, Rarity, I understand completely.”
Starlight trotted in, doing her best to smile. Rarity wasn’t wrong. The living area was definitely in a state of disarray: cloth thrown this way and that, the fainting couch littered with spools of thread and pieces of scrap fabric. The lights hadn’t even been turned on yet.
Starlight chuckled, looking around the room. “I take it this is another example of your ‘organized chaos’?”
Rarity shook her head. “I’m afraid not. This is simply ‘chaos.’”
The two shared a quick laugh before Rarity used her magic to clear off the couch.
“Please, have a seat, darling.”
Starlight nodded and did as she was bid. She climbed up onto the couch and nestled herself in comfortably. “Thank you. I have to give you props; your furniture is way more comfortable than anything we have in the castle.”
Rarity smiled. “Why of course. When it comes to the importance of good home décor and furnishings, one must spare no expense.”
Starlight watched Rarity toss a few more items out of the way into seemingly random baskets and piles, cleaning up the best she could.
“So, I assume you’re here for the tablecloths?” Rarity asked.
“Yep,” Starlight replied. “Twilight insisted on upgrading the ones we had. I don’t get it, but I stopped trying to understand her a long time ago.”
Rarity giggled, placing a hoof over her mouth. “Twilight is such a dear, but she does tend to get herself worked up over the smallest of details sometimes. Then again, it’s not as if I have room to talk. But such is the life of a dress designer, I suppose.”
“Fair enough.” Starlight smiled at her.
This was nice. A friendly visit, a change of scenery, no stress. Just what the doctor ordered.
“I used to be far worse, however,” Rarity continued. “A single stitch out of place and I’d lock myself in my room for the rest of the day. Luckily, I’ve had the privilege of having Spike’s help over the years.”
Starlight felt every strand of fur on her body stand on end.
“He helped me tremendously with seeing the bigger picture of things and helping me to relax on even the most stressful of days.” Rarity released a small laugh. “He really does have a good head on his shoulders. I’m glad you two have been able to grow so close over the years.”
“Y-Yeah…” No. Why was this happening? Why can’t she escape it? “I’m glad, too.”
“Anyhow,” Rarity stated. “Give me one-moment dear, and I’ll go get your tablecloths. Oh! Would you like some tea? I just had some made up. Orange peel and cinnamon, to be precise.”
“No, I’m okay,” Starlight replied. “I already had my coffee this morning. I appreciate it, though.”
Rarity smiled and trotted off into another room, leaving Starlight alone with her thoughts.
She had to take a few more deep breaths to collect herself. This was becoming a pattern at this point: get on the verge of happiness, dig up not-even-remotely repressed thoughts of the previous night and delve into mental confusion all over again.
Everything was so pent up inside her. It had been building since the moment she watched him walk out the door last night. Every waking minute of the night where she hoped he’d come back and talk and help her understand things. All morning long. The entire trot over to Rarity’s. It was a fuse that was burning closer and closer to its end, her sanity turning to ash with each minute that passed.
She needed to let it out. She needed to talk about it. She needed to tell somepony. But who could she possibly tell? Spike obviously didn’t want to talk. He hadn’t even bothered trying. Twilight was entirely out of the question. Starlight valued having a place to live and not being a crater, after all. She was at Rarity’s house, but there was no way she could bring it up to her. Rarity and Spike were like best friends. And besides, she was so prim and proper; she’d never look at her the same way ever again. There was just no way she could bring it up.
“Alright dear,” Rarity said in her happy, sing-song tone, strolling into the room carrying the tablecloths on her back and a cup of tea in her magic aura. “I made sure the cloth was of the finest quality and that the stitching was of the utmost—”
“I had sex with Spike! Eep!”
Starlight threw her hooves over her mouth, and the only sound that could be heard was glass shattering against the floor. Starlight lay as still as possible, eyes wider than the pit that was forming in her chest. Rarity, for her part, stood motionless, staring in the same direction she was before, her mouth frozen mid-sentence where she was cut off.
That was it. The dam had broken, the levees failed, and there were no lifeboats to be found. It was all over. Starlight needed to get out while she still could. If she were lucky, Rarity would chalk it up to a miscommunication and never bring it up again. She could slide off the couch, grab the tablecloths with her magic, make a clean getaway and—
“I-I’m sorry, Starlight.” Rarity levitated the tablecloths over to a nearby chair and rubbed her right ear with a hoof. “I’m not sure I heard you correctly. W-What were you saying about you and Spike?”
Starlight sighed. Rarity was giving her an out, a chance to backpedal and move on, but no. She needed to talk about it. Even if it was uncomfortable, she needed to get this off her chest, or she was going to go insane.
“No,” Starlight said, meeting Rarity’s eyes directly. “You heard me right. Spike and I… we… we shared something personal last night. We had sex.”
“Oh… Um, Oh dear.” Rarity cautiously stepped forward, darting her eyes around as if looking for her own escape from the situation. “I see. Have you, um, have you told anypony else this?”
Starlight shook her head. “No. You’re the first.”
Rarity bit her lip. “Okay. Well, I wasn’t even aware you two were a couple. Perhaps I should pay more attention to my friends.”
“That’s because we aren’t,” Starlight said, her eyes dropping to the cushions she was perched on. “I honestly don’t know what we are right now.”
Rarity cocked her head to the side. “So, you’re not a couple, but you had, well, intimate relations with each other. Is that it?”
Starlight nodded. “Yeah. It was last night. We were talking in my room about stuff. About the dancing competition we had coming up, how silly Twilight was being about something I can’t even remember right now and just other usual stuff. We were laying on my bed, just talking. We always do that. But then…. Well, something changed.”
Rarity took a few steps toward her nearby easy chair and sat down. “Okay, I’m following you. What changed, if you don’t mind me asking?”
“I don’t know,” she replied, bringing her eyes up again. “One second we were talking, and he said something. Something adorable. He said he liked having me around. That I was special, and he was glad we met.”
Rarity cracked a small smile. “Spike is quite the sweetheart at times.”
Starlight put on a smile of her own and gently bobbed her head. “Yeah, he is. But this time, I don’t know, I felt something inside when he said that. I… I scooched toward him and nuzzled against his cheek. And instead of just nuzzling me back or shoving me or something like usual, he pulled me toward him and…”
“And…?”
“He kissed me.” Starlight looked at the ceiling, a wide smile of pure elation on her face. “And I kissed him back. I should’ve just pushed him away, called him a dork or something. But, I couldn’t. I didn’t want to. It was like… Like I wanted him to kiss me. I’ve wanted him to kiss me for a long time, but it took until he did it for me to realize it.” Starlight shook her head. “I can’t explain it. I probably sound really stupid, huh?”
“No dear, not at all.” Rarity had a sympathetic chuckle on her face. “I understand what you’re saying perfectly. You like him, don’t you?”
“Heh, apparently,” she replied with a snort. “After what I let happen last night, I don’t think there’s any question about that.”
“Yes, I suppose so.” The white unicorn laid back in her chair. “But, forgive me if I’m being too bold, but if you two like each other and acted on it, why are you bringing this to me?”
“Because.” Starlight felt that deep knot forming in her stomach again. “Because I don’t think he feels the same way.”
Rarity put a hoof to her chin. “What makes you say that?”
“It was pretty obvious,” she replied, stamping a hoof into the couch. “When we were done with, well, you know, he just… he just held me for a minute, said he had to leave and just… left!” She felt a tear drip down from her eye and quickly wiped it off. Now was not the time for that.
“Oh, I see, I see.” Rarity shook her head. “And you didn’t want him to leave. Did you two get a chance to talk about the situation since then?”
She violently shook her head. “Heh, no. He’s barely made eye contact with me. I waited all night for him to come back. To at least acknowledge me, pretend that what we did mattered. Say that he cared. I waited for him to do or say something, anything! But he just left me there… by myself.”
And now the tears were flowing freely, staining the couch cushions with little remorse. Rarity immediately got up from her seat and hopped onto the couch next to Starlight, wrapping her in a hug.
“There, there, Starlight, it’ll be alright.” Rarity ran a hoof through her mane a few times. “I promise, it’ll be okay.”
“How can you say that?” Starlight said, leaning against her. “I can handle rejection. I can handle someone not sharing my stupid feelings. But I live with him. I have to see him every day. I don’t think things can ever be the same between us again and… and I don’t know how I can bear to have to see him every time I leave my room! It’ll just hurt too much.”
“Starlight…” Rarity said in a calm, soothing voice. “First things first, it won’t be that bad. No matter what happens, we’ll figure something out. But, more importantly, you don’t even know how Spike feels about all this, do you?”
She lifted her head up. “What do you mean? He made it pretty obvious.”
Rarity shook her head. “Darling, when it comes to love and sex, males are possibly the most idiotic creatures on the face of the planet. Without talking to him directly, you have no idea what Spike is feeling. Did the idea cross your mind that perhaps Spike was just as confused as you are and that’s why he left?”
Starlight blinked a few times. “N-No. I guess I didn’t even think about it like that. But, if he was confused, why didn’t he talk about it? He wouldn’t just leave and ignore me. That doesn’t make any sense!”
“Once again, males are idiots about these things.” Rarity let go of the embrace and cleared her throat. “Now, I can’t speak for Spike’s feelings on the matter, but I do believe we both know that he’s never been one to hurt anypony intentionally. I strongly recommend that you talk to him about how you’re feeling as soon as possible. After that, you can decide what you need to do, okay?”
“But…” Starlight took a few shallow breaths. “What if he doesn’t want to talk? What if he drops the subject and blows me off again?”
“It’s quite simple, dear.” Rarity giggled. “Don’t let him. Force him to have this conversation with you. Don’t give him any other options.”
Starlight turned her gaze away from Rarity for a moment. She was right. They needed to talk. She wasn’t quite ready to abandon her fears and just accept things would turn out okay, but they owed it to each other to talk about it. They’ve been so close for so long. It was the least that needed to happen.
For better or for worse.
“Thanks a lot, Rarity.” Starlight levitated over the tablecloths and slung them over her back. “I may as well get this whole thing out of the way, then.”
She was terrified of the idea. Embarrassed even. But one thing her life had taught her was that hiding from your problems never led to anything good. She was going to figure things out.
Spike stretched out his arms and wings. He loved the feel of the sun on his scales, and he needed it more than anything this morning. After the way breakfast went and… the night before, he needed a miracle to salvage the rest of the day.
He was on his way to Sweet Apple Acres to grab a barrel of apples. He was big and strong enough to carry it back on his own now instead of relying on Big Mac to bring them over. That being said, Spike didn’t want to waste the stallion’s time any more than he had to.
As he strolled down the dirt pathways on the outskirts of town, he couldn’t get over the lingering feeling of awkwardness that had been with him all morning. A shiver ran down his spine as his mind retraced the steps of the breakfast that morning.
He couldn’t look at her. No matter how much he wanted to. He couldn’t bring himself to do it. He didn’t deserve to. Not after what he did? Or should he say, what he didn’t do?
He wanted to shake the thoughts off. There wasn’t any point of dwelling on it. It wasn’t like she’d ever look at him the same anyway. How could she? After what they did, he’d be lucky if he could even look in a mirror and recognize the reflection.
But he couldn’t deny how much he enjoyed it. He wouldn’t even pretend to deny it.
As the gentle breeze nipped his cheeks, he could feel her mane brushing against his face again. Her soft kisses peppered his neck, her warm, matted fur pressed against his belly and her hooves wrapped around his neck, not letting him move an inch away.
His lips curled into a beaming grin as he thought about it. It was wild. It ignited his chest and set his heart ablaze.
He snapped himself out of the trance, trying to come back to reality. He looked ahead and saw the farm in the distance. He was getting close and needed to focus on the task at hand; not all the extra nonsense lingering from the night before...
…no matter how awesome it was.
No matter how awesome it was to taste her fur and feel her sweat drip onto his tongue. No matter how amazing her body felt, contorted around his. Every inch of her touching him, her hooves scraping against his scales. He took a deep breath and inhaled the remnants of the previous night from memory: the bitter, salty aroma emanating from her mane. It plastered itself over her face from the abundance of sweat. He could feel his body tense up as he kissed her lower, traveling down her chest to her stomach. The taste and scent grew heavier and stronger as he got further down until all he could taste was her strong, musky flavor. And he didn’t stop eating it up until his lips and tongue went numb.
“Oh, sweet baby Tirek.”
Spike whacked himself in the face with a claw. This had to stop, and it had to stop right now before he dared speak to another pony. If not, he could be facing some embarrassing consequences.
Spike took a deep breath followed by a long exhale. In with the good, out with the bad. He tried his best to smile and pretend nothing had happened, but that wasn’t going to be happening.
“Ah!”
Spike furiously rubbed his temples. Why couldn’t he get this out of his head? It was just one night. Things just happened. She probably didn’t worry about it, so he shouldn’t worry about it. What was suffering all day going to solve? It’d just make things more and more awkward between them, and then they’d never get to do the things they used to. That wasn’t what he wanted at all.
And suddenly, he found himself at the gates of the farm. He could see Big Mac already out in the orchard with Sugar Belle. As the dragon walked a bit closer, he could see them laughing and playing around with each other. Sugar Belle was sitting on the apple wagon, throwing apples at Big Mac who was trying to catch them in a small basket. Well, failing would be the more appropriate term.
They had always seemed like the perfect couple, from the first time he saw them together, to the wedding and even now. Spike smiled as he looked at them and he couldn’t help but feel a slight pain in his stomach. Not from jealousy. No. It was… something else. Something he couldn’t quite put a claw on.
“Hey, guys!” Spike called out, waving a claw in their direction.
“Oh, hi Spike!” Sugar Belle said with a sweet smile.
Big Mac turned his head toward him and waved a hoof. “Good-mornin', Spike! I take it you’re here for your weekly barrel?”
He bobbed his head. “Yes, sir. I didn’t mean to disturb you guys, by the way. I’ll make it quick.”
“Oh, psh,” Sugar Belle said, dismissing the notion with a hoof. “It was about time Big Mac did some of his chores, anyhow.”
“Me?” He retaliated. “You were the one who came out and started distractin’ me in the first place.” He teasingly tossed an apple at her almost causing her to fall off the wagon entirely. “Oops. Sorry, Sugar.”
She hopped off the wagon and planted a small kiss on his cheek.
Spike felt that little pounding in his chest again while watching them interact. It was so sweet. They had their ducks in a row; they knew what they were doing. He needed… he needed to get things straight in his head. He couldn’t do this the rest of the day.
“Give me just one minute, Spike, and I’ll get your barrel. I left it up by the barn this morning.”
Big Mac started to trot away toward the barn, but Spike stayed still. He darted his eyes back and forth between Sugar Belle and Big Mac. Back and forth, back and forth. If anypony in town could help him understand what he was feeling, maybe it was him.
“Big Mac, wait!” Spike called out.
The stallion paused and turned around. “Uh, what is it, Spike?”
“I was wondering if we could talk. I, um, I have something I want to get your two bits on if you have a minute.”
Sugar Belle cocked her head. “Is everything alright, Spike?”
“Yeah, it’s just, I need to talk with Big Mac real quick.” Spike felt his face heat up. “Mare problems and stuff.”
Sugar Belle shrugged. “Well, if it’s a mare problem, I might be able to help, too! I am a mare, after all.”
Spike gave a pleading look to Big Mac who caught the hint immediately and responded with a firm nod. “Sugar, why don’t you go back in and see if Granny needs any help with the mornin’ cleaning. I’ll be in as quick as possible, okay? Me and Spike need to have a stallion to stallion talk, here.”
“Okay, I understand, Big Mac.” She planted one last kiss on his lips and trotted back toward the house. “Have a good talk, you two.”
After she got a reasonable distance away, Big Mac turned his full attention back to Spike. “So, Spike, what seems to be the problem? You said you got mare troubles?”
“Heh, yeah, you could say that.” Spike twiddled his claws together and began pacing back and forth. “Big Mac, how did you know things were real with Sugar Belle?”
“Real?”
“Yeah. How did you know your feelings were real? Not just heat of the moment stuff or whatever? Was it confusing at first, or what?”
“Well sure it was,” Big Mac replied. “The first few times I was around her, we just talked like normal. But then, I found myself thinking more and more about her until I figured she might be the one. Turns out I was lucky enough to be right.”
“Awesome,” Spike said with a sigh. “Big Mac, I’m kinda confused right now. I think I made a mistake. Or, not a mistake, but I think I messed something up with somepony. Somepony I care about, and I don’t know what to do or how to fix it.”
Big Mac shrugged. “You messed somethin’ up? Shucks, you’re gonna have to be a little more specific than that, Spike. I ain't a mind-reader.”
Spike blushed. He was afraid of this moment since they started talking.
“Okay, I’ll tell you.” Spike reached out a claw. “But you can’t tell anypony anywhere about this, alright? It stays between us guys.”
Big Mac quickly put his hoof in his claw and gave a firm shake. “Understood. Just between us.”
The dragon steeled himself. “Starlight and I have been friends for a long time, but I think I messed it all up. We uh, we got a little close last night.”
Big Mac raised an eyebrow. “Close?”
Spike stopped pacing and closed his eyes. “We had sex, Big Mac. We had sex last night, and now I don’t know what to do.”
He opened his eyes and expected Big Mac to be on his back, flailing from the shock. But that was the farthest from the truth. Instead, Big Mac was merely nodding, with a soft yet straight face.
“Mhm, go on,” he said.
Spike raised an eyebrow. “Well, I mean, that’s kinda it. We had sex, and now we can barely look at each other. I don’t know what to do from here on out.”
“Well, why do you say that?” he replied. “You don’t think she likes you back?”
“I mean, why would she?” Spike shrugged. “It was an intense moment: we said some things, did some things and that was it. If anything, I think she’s mad at me for doing it in the first place.”
“You think she’s mad?”
“I guess so. I mean, she barely said a word to me at breakfast this morning. I could barely look at her; it was so awkward. And, I guess she has a reason to be mad, too.”
“What reason would that be, if you don’t mind me askin’?”
“Two things,” Spike said, resuming his pacing to help calm his nerves. “First, I was the one who started it. I don’t know what came over me. We were talking, and she nuzzled me and all of a sudden, I pulled her face towards mine, and I kissed her. In a way, I guess, it was all my fault that it happened in the first place.”
“Okay,” Big Mac said, nodding slowly. “And what’s the second reason?”
“The second reason is a little more… bad.” Spike paused and turned toward Big Mac. “I may or may not have left her as soon as it was over in a glorious display of pure, unadulterated idiocy.”
“You left her?” Big Mac asked, raising an eyebrow. “What do you mean? You wished her a good night and then went back to your room or—”
“Nope!” Spike threw his arms in the air. “It was over, I got super nervous, told her I had to go, left and didn’t look back!”
“Oh.” Big Mac rubbed the back of his head. “Yeah, that’s not the best way to go about that sort of thing."
"You know, being a dragon comes with all sorts of cool stuff. I get wings, fangs, near impenetrable scales. But it still doesn't come with the ability to understand mares. Or females in general, for that matter."
"Spike, there ain't no species in the world that can understand females. All we can do is guess and hope for the best." Big Mac chuckled for a moment before continuing. "But, as to what you were sayin' about leaving, may I ask why?”
“I was nervous!” Spike shouted much louder than he intended. “It was so awkward and strange and awesome and amazing. But like, I didn’t think she liked it or anything, and I got so nervous I just left.”
“Hold on for just one second.” Big Mac waved his hooves back and forth. “Slow down. Not that it’s my business, but why don’t you think she liked it?”
“Because,” Spike replied. “It wasn’t anything like I expected it to be. She didn’t scream my name or moan out loud or try to take control or anything. She just laid there and kissed me and stared at me. I didn’t know what to think! It was like trying to put together a bookshelf, but when you put Rod A in Slot B the whole thing falls apart! I had no idea what I was doing, and all I knew was how I felt, so as soon as it was over, I ran for the hills before she could say anything and—”
“Spike!” Big Mac shouted, getting his attention. “I’m gonna need you to stop your yappin’ and listen for a minute, alright?”
“But I—”
“Nope.”
The dragon sighed and accepted defeat. “Okay, I’ll shut up.”
“Now, see here,” Big Mac began. “I may not be the smartest pony, but I’ve always been a straight shooter, especially with my friends. I’d be lyin’ if I told you that everything can just go back and be the same as it was between you two. I won’t sugarcoat it. Things aren’t gonna be the same, anymore. Can you accept that?”
Spike bit his lip and closed his eyes for a moment. “I don’t have much of a choice, do I?”
Big Mac shook his head. “I’m afraid not. You can’t just do that sort of thing with somepony and expect to move on with ‘em like nothing happened. That’s not how it works. Now, as to what you were saying about actually being in bed with her, what you thought it was gonna be like; that ain’t how it works, either.”
Spike scratched his head. “You mean with the whole moaning thing and stuff?”
“Eeyup,” he replied with a smirk. “That’s just how the romance stories do it to make it more interestin’ to read. In the real world, the first time is every bit as awkward, clumsy and weird as you mentioned. Actually, the fact she was smiling at you and looking into your eyes instead of just pretendin’ she was somewhere else the whole time was probably the best you could’ve hoped for.”
Spike rose an eyebrow. “You mean… It was supposed to be all awkward and stuff?”
Big Mac quietly bobbed his head.
Spike chuckled. “Oh, good. I mean, if I had a bit for every time I heard ‘wrong hole’ last night I’d be rich as—”
“Yeah, that was a bit more than I needed to hear, Spike.”
“Sorry.” The dragon blushed.
“Well, all that aside, there’s only one question left that I need to ask.”
“What’s that?”
“How do you feel about her?” Big Mac tilted his head.
“Me?”
“Eeyup,” Big Mac stated. “You’ve gone back and forth about Starlight and worryin’ about her feelings but how do you feel? Do you like her? Do you want things to move forward with her?”
Spike raised a claw, ready to answer, but immediately put it back down. “I… I don’t know.”
“I see.” Big Mac trotted toward him and put a hoof on his shoulder. “Well, I suggest you figure that out and do it pretty quick like. I understand you probably have a lot going through your head right now, but I guarantee you Starlight does, too. You might consider sittin’ her down and having a conversation. Get your feelings on the table if nothin’ else.”
Spike averted his eyes from Big Mac’s. “You’re probably right. But, if we can barely look at each other, how in Equestria are we supposed to have a heavy conversation like that? We’ll probably just end up laughing it off and never talk to each other again.”
“Spike, that’s not how it’s gonna go.” Big Mac pulled his hoof back. “I can’t tell you what’s gonna happen, but you two have been friends long enough that you need to talk about this. It won’t be easy, but it needs to happen. And who knows? Maybe you two will find a way to fix it together. Either way, the only way you’ll get over this hill is if you take the first step. You understand?”
Spike brought his eyes up to meet Big Mac’s. “Yeah, I think I do. Thanks.”
“Well, what’re you waiting for?” He asked, “Get goin’!”
“But,” Spike looked toward the barn. “What about the apples?”
The stallion shook his head. “Don’t worry about that. I’ll bring ‘em by this afternoon. For now, take care of business with Starlight. Now get!”
Spike nodded and turned around, racing back toward the castle. He had no idea what was going to happen, how he felt, or what was going to be said, but Big Mac was right.
It was quiet in the castle. Too quiet. It was as if it were a serene calm biding its time, offering a single moment of sincere serenity before the deadly storm moved onto the coast, destroying all in its wake.
Slam!
Spike burst through the front door, panting and heaving, trying to catch his breath. It had been at least however old he was since he last got that much exercise in one go. It was not a short trip from Sweet Apple Acres to the castle; not in the slightest.
He peered around the living area and saw that it was empty. He couldn’t help but feel a bit of relief at the realization. His arms were shaking, and his foot was tapping the ground, and he couldn’t make it stop. The more he thought about what he was about to do, the worse it got.
He strode his way into the kitchen. Maybe he had time to grab a quick cup of coffee before everything went down? She was bound to be back soon, but perhaps she’d be hanging out with Trixie or something first.
He peeked his head in to check, just to be safe, and found it to be empty. Another wave of relief swept over him. He went to his favorite cupboard, grabbed the household’s coffee of choice, ‘Discord’s Breakfast Bonanza Blend,’ and got the water set over the stove. He was going to need all the help he could get to make this work.
As the water began to heat up, he had a moment to prepare himself. He had never been this nervous to talk to anypony. The Princesses? Easy. Big, bad, supervillains? A cakewalk. And typically, Starlight was one of the most comfortable ponies for him to talk to. He could come to her about anything, almost. How he was stressed out about something, how excited he was about the latest development in the comics he read; even something as trivial as what cologne he should buy. This was all stuff they were able to talk about with ease.
But one night changed all of that. Now, his heart pounded just thinking about facing her, looking at her, hearing her voice.
Nothing made sense.
Starlight stopped and looked up at the towering castle before her. She dreaded this moment more than anything she could think of. Not that her brain was in prime condition for doing much thinking at all.
Her hooves trembled against the dirt pathway leading to the castle entrance. Once she went inside, it was all or nothing. No second thoughts. Maybe it wasn’t too late? She could turn around and catch a train. But where? Anywhere would be fine. Maybe the dragonlands needed some friendship lessons in social structure and economics. She’d be doing the world a service if she forgot about this silly relationship issue with Spike!
She got as far as lifting one hoof in the air before throwing it back down.
No!
She wasn’t going to run. Not this time. She loved Spike. In what manner? She wasn’t quite sure yet. But she was going to talk this out. She cared about him too much to leave the situation in limbo. And she knew in her heart, if she let it slide for any longer, they’d never figure things out, and she’d lose the creature she cared about more than any other, forever.
She filled her lungs with a fresh breath of air and determination and took a few cautious steps forward. Her pace was slow and steady as she crept forward. The castle was getting closer, and she could feel her fur standing on edge and her stomach doing cartwheels as she moved. But she pressed on. She wasn’t going to back down now.
Their friendship depended on it. She depended on it.
They needed this.
A sharp whistle from the tea kettle pierced the air, cutting off Spike’s train of thought. He couldn’t help but lick his lips as he thought about the tasty beverage awaiting him. Coffee was less of a luxury these days and more of a necessity. He moved the kettle to an unused burner, spooned some of the coffee into a filter, placed it over his cup and poured the hot water.
The aroma was indeed a beauty to behold.
Once all the water was in the cup, he took just a moment to savor the feeling of the steam sifting through his nostrils and over his face. This may be the last chance he had to relax for the rest of the day, and he thoroughly planned on using it.
Because once everything went down, there’d be no turning back.
There was no turning back.
Starlight was standing right in front of the door. She had no idea if Spike was already home or not, but she already committed herself, and once she opened those doors, she was going to wait for him, and she was going to force him to talk it out. Whether he liked it or not.
It would be awkward. It’d be strange. It might get a little too personal for either of their liking, but it was going to happen. Besides, they got about as personal as you could get the previous night, anyhow. What more could happen?
She took a few deep breaths and placed a hoof on the door handle. It was time.
The door slowly creaked open, and she stepped inside. Now she was committed.
Spike stared into the brown liquid in his cup. He was going to savor every bit of it. He didn’t have much time though, so he was going to have to hurry.
Once Starlight stepped through those doors, he wasn’t going to be fooling around. He’d just lay it all out, confusion and all. He’d sound stupid, he’d look ridiculous, he may seem just a bit cheesy, but since when was love and sex anything but ridiculous and cheesy?
It was the way it had to be.
She ran a hoof through her mane, wiping a few droplets of sweat off her forehead in the process. She tossed the tablecloths she brought with her on the nearest surface she could find, which just so happened to be the floor.
The castle was quiet. It’s possible he hadn’t arrived yet. Or maybe he was just up in his room. That’d buy her some time. Once he went to his room, he usually didn’t come back out until it was the next meal time.
So, this could only mean one thing, of course.
Coffee break.
As she strolled toward the kitchen, only one thought plagued her mind, though. An idea that’s been itching at the back of her skull since she left Rarity’s.
Spike took his first sip of coffee, relishing the warmth that ran over his tongue and down his throat. But, no matter how great it tasted or how much it soothed his soul, he was still bothered by one lingering thought. A doubt he couldn’t shake that had troubled him all morning.
A single, simple question that had anything but a simple answer.
What if we can’t work things out?
“Ah, Spike!”
“Wha-?!” The dragon almost dropped his cup at the sudden voice shattering the quiet atmosphere. He turned around to see Starlight standing in the doorway, her eyes wide. “Oh, Starlight. You scared me. Uh, hey there. I, um, I didn’t know you were home.”
She took a few breaths. “Oh, yeah, same here. I just got back from Rarity’s a second ago. I thought you were at Big Mac’s getting apples? I didn’t mean to sneak up on you.”
“Oh, that, yeah.” Spike chuckled nervously. “I was. I just got back a bit earlier than I thought. I figured I’d kind of chill back at home instead of going out for the day. You know, one of those days and all.”
“Yeah, definitely, one of those days.” Starlight lightly tapped a hoof on the ground, her eyes darting around the room, searching for anything else she could fixate her eyes on.
“So,” Spike continued, attempting to find a similar target with his eyes. “Did you, uh, did you need something? I’m kind of in the way here, I know, but I can move! So you can get whatever.”
“No, no, don’t worry about it. I wasn’t looking for anything in particular.” Starlight giggled quietly before shaking her head. “Actually, yeah, I was. I just wanted to get some coffee. Try to wake a little bit.”
Spike looked at the stove where the empty kettle stood and then back to his cup. “Oh, uh, here!” He took a few steps forward and held out the cup of coffee in his claw. “I just made this. I didn’t think about making enough for two, but you can have mine. I’m not as thirsty as I thought, heh.”
Starlight didn’t want to argue the point and instead took the cup in her magic. “Oh… thank you, Spike.”
“I should tell you, though,” he said, raising a claw. “I took a drink out of it already. So, if you don’t want my dragon germs, I can make you a new cup. But, it’s uh, it’s up to you.”
Starlight felt a rising warmth in her chest as she looked at the cup and then back to him. “Don’t worry, Spike. I don’t think I could ever be afraid of your germs, again.” She took a sip and closed her eyes. He knew exactly how to make the perfect cup of coffee.
Spike blushed rather heavily on his end. “I guess you’re right, huh? I didn’t put any cream in it or anything. But I can get some if you want! I’m sure we have some around here somewhere…” He flipped around and started searching through all the wrong cupboards.
“No, Spike, it’s alright.” She took another sip. “It’s perfect the way it is.”
He stopped what he was doing, which just so happened to be sifting through the silverware drawer for some reason and turned around. “Alright, cool.”
A silence held in the air between them. Starlight was fixated on the ground while Spike was counting all the bumps in the ceiling. If the room carried any more weight, they’d both collapse to the floor. Something had to be said. Anything at all.
Starlight racked her brain for the right words. Actually, she could do without the right words, even. Any words would be a gift from the heavens at this point.
Spike was in the same boat on his end. He wanted to throw it on the table, get it out. Tell her that he was sorry and was stupid and he didn’t know what he was doing and that he cared about her. But, he couldn’t get over the pain in his stomach and was afraid he’d just toss up the morning’s breakfast all over the floor the moment he opened his mouth.
But the silence spoke volumes about how they felt and finally, after what had to have been hours, days even, they both said their piece.
“Well, I’ll see you around, Starlight.”
“Yeah, sure. Thanks for the coffee, Spike. I’ll just be in my room.”
Spike began to start twiddling his claws, and Starlight turned around and trotted a few steps toward the door. Then she stopped and turned around. Spike was staring at her, meeting her gaze and not daring to pull away.
It wasn’t going to end like this.
“Spike?” she said turning her body around and setting the coffee on the table. “I don’t want to drown my waffles in syrup for the rest of my life.”
He averted his eyes and nodded. “And I don’t want to duck and cover every time I see you.”
They both shared the sentiment.
“We need to talk.”
Starlight put a hoof over her mouth, and Spike rubbed the back of his neck. They didn’t say anything at first, but eventually, they met each other’s eyes.
Spike released a sigh and stood up straight. “Starlight, about last night. I’m… I’m sorry.”
“S-Sorry?” She tilted her head. “Sorry for what?”
“For everything,” Spike said, throwing his arms in the air. “It was because of me. I don’t know what I was thinking. I just, I just felt you nuzzle my cheek, and I wanted to kiss you. So, you know, I did. It was my fault the whole thing happened.”
She shook her head. “No, Spike. Don’t take all the credit for yourself. It wasn’t like I went out of my way to tell you to stop. When you kissed me, well, I liked it. I… I wanted you to keep doing it.” She felt her lip quivering. “And I kissed you back.”
“You did… didn’t you?” Her words put a smile on his face. “I feel guilty. If I would’ve known it’d make everything so… so…”
“Weird?”
“Yeah, weird between us, I would’ve never done anything in the first place.” He took another step towards her, bringing the gap between them to only a few feet. “I never meant to hurt you, Starlight. I-I…” He balled up his claw into a fist and put it against his forehead. “I care about you. A lot. You’ve been my best friend over the last few years. The idea that I did something to hurt you or ruin how you view me? I don’t know if I can live with myself if I have to carry that around.”
She moved a bit closer to him this time. “Spike, I care about you, too. Don’t you understand that? This isn’t just about what you did or what you felt. This happened between both of us. You don’t have to carry it around on your own like you’re the only reason anything happened.” She felt her face heat up just a bit. “Besides, doing uh, you know, that didn’t hurt me at all. The opposite, in fact. I…” She took a deep breath. “I liked it.”
“Huh?” Spike’s eyes widened. “You did?”
She nodded, barely able to meet his gaze. “Yeah. I did.”
“Wow.” Spike released a quick chuckle. “I thought you hated it and just, I don’t know, wanted it to end the whole time.”
Her jaw fell slack for a moment. “Why would you think that?”
“Because you just stared at me the whole time.” He scratched his head. “I mean you kissed me and stuff, but other than that you just… stared. It felt like you hated it and were dealing with it because you had to.”
“Are you serious?” Starlight face-hoofed. “Spike. What do you expect a mare to do in bed? All the stuff they put in those trashy novels?”
He blushed. “Uh, nah, of course not. That’s stupid.”
“Spike, it was amazing.” Her lips curled into a smile. “Your arms around me, the way you looked at me and kissed my cheek. The way you… the way you held my hoof at the end. I just, I felt happy and safe and—” She took another step forward and looked him directly in the eyes, “—loved. For the first time in a long time. Actually, forget that. I’ve never felt anything like that before.”
“Really?” Spike rubbed the back of his head, his heart feeling lighter and lighter. “But, then how come you didn’t tell me? Or, why didn’t you bring it up this morning?”
“Because, Spike, you did do something to hurt me last night.” She turned her head away. “You just left afterward. You didn’t want to talk about it; you didn’t say anything at all. You left.”
“Oh.” Spike knew this would come back to haunt him. “Yeah. That. I’m sor—”
Starlight cut him off, facing him directly. “I felt used almost. Like, you didn’t care. Like once it was over and you had your fun, you stopped caring. Part of me still feels that way a little bit.”
“But Starlight, that wasn’t it at all. I—”
“I mean, I get it, things happen, and you just move on and forget about it. It doesn’t mean anything, right?” She started tapping her hoof again. “It’s just a mistake, right?”
“Please listen to m—”
“Of course, I’m over here thinking it meant something more than just a one-time mistake.” She shook her head. “But maybe that’s just me.”
“Starlight!” Spike reached out and pulled her into a tight hug. “That’s not it! It meant something to me, too. And what it meant?” He released her and looked directly into her eyes, only inches apart from each other. “What it meant scared me. That’s why I left.”
She raised an eyebrow. “But—”
“No!” Spike said, putting up a claw. “It’s my turn to have an emotional spiel.” He pulled his claw down and took a step back. “Starlight, I had no idea what I was feeling last night. All I knew was holding you, kissing you, all that stuff… It was amazing! It was all I wanted. But more than that, I wanted you. And when it was over, and I saw you lying there, not saying anything, I panicked.” He clenched both of his claws into fists. “I panicked because I didn’t know what I was supposed to say, what I was supposed to feel, what I was supposed to think. Nothing made sense, but it was all so simple at the same time. I just wanted to hold you forever, and you know what else I wanted?”
“W-What?” she asked, her words laced with caution.
“I wanted to be able to wake up tomorrow and have things just like they were before.” He frowned. “I loved all those new feelings, but I love the old ones, too. I didn’t know which one I liked more or what I needed to do about it. So, I left and just ran away from it. I love you, Starlight. But when it comes to this whole situation? I’m lost. I’m lost, and I have no idea which direction I’m supposed to go!”
Once again, silence permeated the air, neither able to find the words to say. What was there even to talk about? Both had no idea what they were doing, what they were saying and most certainly they didn’t know what their feelings meant.
“Heh,” Starlight said with a light chortle. “Rarity was wrong. We’re both idiots.”
“What?”
“Nothing, never mind.” Starlight smiled up at him. “Spike, I’m sorry, too. I think we both panicked a bit. Jumping to conclusions and all that.”
“Pfft, yeah right,” the dragon replied. “You didn’t panic at all. You just opened up to me like a responsible adu—”
“I seriously considering starting up a new life in the dragonlands to avoid this conversation.”
Spike deadpanned. “I retract my previous statement.”
And then the floodgates opened. But this time, it was to the tune of an eruption of laughter, both clutching their sides. It was the first honest display of emotion they had all day. Pure, unfiltered laughter while they basked in the nonsense they’d been dealing with since the previous night.
And once it finally stopped, the weight in the air, although not completely gone, had lightened its load immensely. The could finally look each other in the eyes again and not want to jump out the nearest window.
“So,” Spike said. “Do either of us know what we want to do right now?”
She shrugged. “Well, maybe… maybe we both need a little bit of time to think about it. I like you, Spike. I like you a lot. But, if Twilight’s lessons on hormones and all that jazz taught me anything, it’s that I made need to process this for a bit.”
The dragon nodded. “You’re right. I think, uh, I think I like you, too. I love you. But, I’m just not sure in what way yet. Can I be honest with you about something?”
“Of course.”
“I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to look at you as just ‘Starlight, my friend’ again.” He released a sigh. “It’s scary to think about, and maybe that’ll change, but right now, I can’t help but see things a little differently.”
“I know what you mean,” she replied. “I know exactly what you mean. But, change happens for a reason, right? And sometimes… sometimes it’s a good reason.”
“Yeah,” Spike said. “Just because the past is gone doesn’t mean something even better can’t take its place.”
Starlight stifled a snicker with her hoof. “True. Did you come up with that one on your own?”
“Nah, I think I read it in a fortune cookie, once.”
They both broke into a small fit of chuckles for a few seconds before addressing each other once more.
“So, uh,” Spike scratched his head. “What do we do now? Like, where do we go from here?”
Starlight bit her lip. “I’m not sure. I guess we could start by catching up on some sleep, heh. And I probably need to wash my sheets.”
“That might be a good idea,” Spike said with a grin. “Both of those things, I mean. And after that, there’s dinner, right? We can do that together.”
“Mhm. And we’ve got our next dance practice tomorrow night. We could try that, too.”
“Oh yeah, I almost forgot.” Spike smiled. “And, maybe the next day or something, we could try something new, like uh… Like maybe I could buy you dinner? There’s that new hayburger place in Canterlot we could go to.”
She put on a sly grin. “Are you asking me out on an official date?”
“Well,” he blushed. “I wouldn’t mind trying it at least. And I figure a few days is at least a little bit of time to figure a couple of things out. I guess I wouldn’t mind showing up to a place like that with you. I mean, you’re pretty and would obviously make me look cooler than I am and starting again the old-fashioned way might be—”
Starlight reached a hoof up and put it over his lips. “Sure. Let’s try it and just see what happens, okay? I think I’d like it.”
Spike pulled her hoof from his mouth, holding it for just a second before letting go. “I think I will, too.”
With all the stress starting to melt away, the full weight of how worn out they were hit, and they both released mammoth yawns.
“But for now,” Spike continued, “I think we should take up your advice and sleep. I’m pretty tired.”
“Agreed,” Starlight replied, stretching out her legs. “The soul-searching can wait a few hours. Maybe things will make more sense, then.”
“After you, then.” Spike gestured toward the kitchen entryway and followed Starlight out of it.
“Thank you, Spike. Nice to know you at least have manners stored up in that confused head of yours.” She chuckled and looked up at him. “Yeah, don’t think this whole situation is going to get you a pass from your daily dose of snark.”
“I wouldn’t have it any other way.” The dragon took a few more steps before stopping.. “There is one more question I’ve been thinking about, though.”
“What’s that?”
He scrunched up his face into a pensive gaze. “I don’t suppose you’re gonna like, lay an egg now or something, are you?”
“Huh?” She turned around to face him. “Where in Equestria did that come from?”
“I dunno,” he replied with a shrug. “I mean, does anypony know if its possible or not? It’s kinda weird to think about, isn’t it?”
Starlight toyed with the thought for a moment before realizing it wasn’t something she wanted to play with. “I don’t really think it can happen, Spike.” She made a mental note to casually and non-suspiciously ask Twilight about it later. “Anyway, let’s just get some rest before we start an entirely different conversation, okay?”
The dragon smiled and raced up to walk next to her. “Yeah, I’m on board with that.”
They made their way through the castle and up the stairs to where their bedrooms were. Before parting ways at the top of the staircase, they took one final moment to look at each other.
“I’ll see you at dinner tonight, Spike?” Starlight asked.
“Definitely,” he replied. “And I promise not to ignore you the entire time like this morning.”
“I promise, too.”
And with that, they ventured down the opposite sides of the hallway toward their rooms where sleep was finally awaiting them. And hopefully, it’d come a lot easier this time around.
