Starlight's guilt has always been there, but her mind-control fiasco along with a discovery in the human world makes her question if some ponies really do deserve second chances. Fortunately, she has good friends to help her move on from her past.
Takes place right after Every Little Thing She Does. For the purposes of this story, Mirror Magic takes place early Season Six.
While trying to deal with the guilt she feels after mind-controlling her friends, Starlight Glimmer accepts an invitation from Sunset Shimmer to spend the weekend with her in the human world. But while she's there, a magic device she created to warn her if her human counterpart is nearby goes off. Instead of leaving or staying away as she had initially planned though, she finds the idea of what her life could have been like in this different world, a life without the magic that constantly leads her down the wrong path too compelling to resist. Ignoring Twilight's warnings about maintaining the balance between the two worlds, she tracks down her human version instead. ***
So, I’ve gone ahead and marked this complete. I know that probably isn’t very satisfying, and I know people were waiting for the last chapter, but writing isn’t really something I can maintain in anything other than short creative bursts. If I can work up the creative burst to add a final bonus chapter, well, than this will get another update. If not, than it won’t.
Twilight Sparkle slowly walked down the hallway of her castle towards Starlight Glimmer’s room, letting out a leisurely yawn as she went, just to shake out the last of her ‘nighttime sleepies’. Humming a tune to herself, she went over her early morning checklist once more.
Hmm, Wake Up, check.
Go Over The Morning Checklist, check.
Wake Up Spike, check.
Make Breakfast, check.
Eat Breakfast, check.
Congratulate Yourself For Being On Schedule, check. Eh, let's double check that one.
That only left Check On Starlight, and then See Starlight Off Through The Portal. Then she could move on to her mid-morning checklist. Twilight turned the last corner on her way and saw Starlight's room further down the hall. She smiled to herself as she heard Starlight's voice in her head. There's no way you could know where we are, every hallway and door looks exactly the same in this place.
Twilight shook her head at that. True everything looked the same here, but from day one it was like she knew the place like the back of her own hoof. It somewhat worried her at first, almost like the castle was designed with her specifically in mind. But although she found it disquieting at first, now it was just another way the castle felt like her home.
Twilight reached out to knock on her student’s door, when she heard a small crash and muttered curses inside. Concerned, the princess put her ear against the door. “C’mon, you blasted thing, work with me,” she heard Starlight mutter to herself.
“Starlight,” she called through the door, “are you okay in there.”
“Door’s unlocked, come on in! No, just.. get in there.”
Now more curious than concerned, Twilight pushed the door open. Starlight was hunched over her desk, mechanical parts and junk strewn everywhere. “What are you working on Starlight? Shouldn't you be getting ready to go?”
“Twilight! Thank goodness you're here, I could really use your help.” Starlight held out her forehooves, something held in both. Looking closely, Twilight saw one hoof held a few strands of Starlights hair cut to about an inch long, and the other was a... compass? “I need you to use your magic to take this bit of hair, and put it into this hole here.” She pointed to a slot barely bigger than the head of a pin on the side of the compass.
“Why do you need me to do it?” Twilight asked, her brow furrowed in confusion. “This should be pretty easy for you.” Despite her confusion, Twilight grasped both items with her magic and began lining them up.
“Yes, well, I sort of forgot I wouldn't be able to use my magic when I made this device.” Starlight’s cheeks turned a slightly darker pink, embarrassed by such a simple error. “I had to magically ground my hair so it wouldn't give off traces of my magic, but if I use your magic to put it together, it won't ruin what I'm trying to accomplish.”
“And what are you trying to accomplish, exactly?” Twilight said, as she finally was able to finesse the two pieces together. The dial on the compass started a lazy spin, not settling on any one point of the compass face. “Making a compass that doesn't work?”
“Heh, not exactly,” Starlight grinned. Twilight smiled herself as she saw her pupil adopt her typical ‘I just did something impressive’ stance. “Think of it as an early-warning device. This compass points to large concentrations of the same genetic markers in my hair. In other words, it points to any pony that matches my DNA. But more specifically, it points to ones without my magical energies.” Starlight crossed her front hooves, a cocky grin on her face that slowly faded as Twilight just looked at her blankly.
“Oh. Uh, well, you know I'm going to visit Sunset this weekend, and-”
“Of course!” Twilight said, facehoofing in embarrassment. “You're making a device that points towards your human counterpart.” Twilight’s face scrunched into a frown. “I don't think that's such a good idea, Starlight.”
“What do you mean?” Starlight looked a bit upset as she uncrossed her hooves.
“Really?” Twilight said, disbelief etched on her face. Was Starlight really that clueless? “Look, I get that you're curious about what human you is like, but you can't just go find her. Messing with the balance between worlds like that could be dangerous. There's a reason I haven't gone through the portal myself since Sunset befriended her Twilight.”
“Uh, that hadn't occurred to me honestly,” Starlight said, a look Twilight found troubling crossing her face. Twilight mentally kicked herself.
“Starlight...” Twilight began with a knowing scowl.
“No, really, like I said it's a warning device,” Starlight said with a smile Twilight found far too innocent to be comfortable with. “I made it to let me know if that world’s Starlight was nearby, but not to find her. I'm not even sure what kind of range it has, I've never had a chance to test in the other world. It's just to let me know I should be careful so she doesn't see me. Honest!”
“Yes, and now that I put the idea in your head, you're thinking about it,” Twilight said, pointing an accusatory hoof at her impulsive friend.
“Me? No way, I wouldn't think of it,”Starlight said with a smile and a distant look; clearly she was thinking of nothing else. Twilight ground her teeth in frustration.
“I'm serious Starlight, it could be dangerous. At best, you let even more people know there's another world out there, and at worst you... well, I don't know, but it could be bad.”
“But just think of it, Twilight,” Starlight said, her eyes shining with excitement. “Another me, but also not! She could be anything, it's a chance to see how my life could have been different. Like how the other Twilight is different from you.” Starlight started jittering about on her hooves in excitement. One look at her mentor’s face sobered her quickly.
“Fine, Twilight, you win. You're right, I won't go looking for any trouble.” Starlight looked over at her clock and then grabbed the compass, her saddlebag, and tried to walk around Twilight. “And you're right, I do have to get going. You're only going to be gone until tomorrow evening, and I want to be here to welcome you back.”
Twilight quickly stepped in front of her. “Starlight, I want you to promise me you won't do anything reckless.” Starlight rolled her eyes and sighed, but she sat down and raised her right hoof.
“I, Starlight Glimmer, do promise to not do anything reckless. If this compass goes off, I promise I will not get anywhere close to my human self. Good enough?” Starlight stood up and walked around her teacher, who turned to follow her. They walked down the hallway to the portal library side by side.
“I suppose so,”Twilight grumbled. “I know you would never purposely put anypony in danger, but you don't always think things through. Like last week, with the whole mind-control spell. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm choosing to trust you Starlight.” Please don't make me regret it. She threw a partially annoyed glance her students way, only to notice the quick flash of guilt Starlight felt. Did I say that last part out loud, she worried.
“You know, you could always stay the whole weekend” Twilight said, quick to change the subject. “I know how much fun you had on your last trip through the portal.”
“No, it's fine,” Starlight replied, giving her a cheerful smile back. “I want to be here to greet you. Trust me, it's the least I could do.”
“I just don't want you to miss out on any new exciting experiences. I won't need you for a couple of days after I get back anyways.” That should cheer her up, Twilight thought to herself as they reached the library. Reaching out with her magic, she pushed the doors open.
The portal was open and ready to go. Spike must have already put the journal in after breakfast, Twilight thought with pride. The number one assistant pulls through again.
“Are you sure you don't want me to be here to greet you?” Starlight turned to face her, a bit of worry on her face. “I don't want you to think I care more about having fun than studying friendship.”
“Oh, Starlight, that's why I'm sending you to visit Sunset Shimmer. Just think of it as a friendship free study lesson.”
“Right; free study. No pressure, no deadline. Just have fun.” The prospect didn't seem to please her, and Twilight started to wonder if there was something else bothering her.
“Exactly,” Twilight said, as she wrapped her friend into a warm hug, a hug she earnestly returned. So earnestly, that Twilight added a bit of wing for good measure. “Now go on, and remember to have fun.”
“I will,” Starlight promised, before she turned and walked towards the portal. Reaching out a hoof she gave a testing poke, watching with some nervousness as it went through the barrier. She turned and gave Twilight one last smile, which she returned with a big wave goodbye, then took a deep breath and went through.
Twilight's cheerful smile slowly faded away as she lapsed into thought. I shouldn't have brought up the mind-control spell, she feels bad enough about it already. Starlight has made good progress, despite her recent setback, but it's obvious she's holding herself back. She's so afraid of failure and rejection, that even the smallest assignment I give her that isn't magic based gives her a panic attack.
Okay, she thought blushing, maybe I'm not one to judge somepony for that. But she still has a problem. She treats friendship like a puzzle that needs to be solved instead of a fulfilling experience to share with others. I need to find some way to get her to relax.
Twilight spent most of the rest of the morning lost in thought, until the realization of how much time had past shook her from her stupor. Great, now I've lost precious time I need today. Between spacing out and Starlight, I'm way behind schedule.
Then she grimaced as that fact fully registered for her; raising up her checklist and quill with her magic she firmly crossed out Congratulate Yourself For Being On Schedule, with two check marks. Giving one last huff of frustration, she left the library to go find Spike. They had lost time to make up.
With a short cry, Starlight was forcefully ejected out of the portal... right into the arms of the waiting Sunset. A little too forcefully, Starlight thought, as she heard Sunset give a pained ‘guh’ sound as she hit the waiting human squarely in the stomach.
“Hey, Sunset, you okay?” Starlight stepped back, getting a good look at her friend. “Thanks for the catch.”
“No problem,” Sunset wheezed, holding her stomach where Starlight hit. “I'm starting to think the portal has something against me.” Sunset grinned, then punched Starlight lightly on the arm. “You're looking good, Starlight.” Starlight looked down at herself. She was sporting the same look she had last time she went through the portal, ripped jeans, vest and all. Looking at her friend, she saw she was wearing her typical leather jacket and leggings.
“You too,” Starlight returned, both the compliment and the punch. “So, what do you have planned for today.”
“Well, like I wrote to you in the journal, my friends here are pretty busy this weekend, so I figured I'd invite you to hang out. But, we’re all available later today, and we've got something fun planned for you.”
“Oh, what's that? Starlight grinned in excitement at the idea of some new experience.
“Laser tag; yep, it's just as awesome as it sounds.” Starlight was beaming ear to ear from just the name alone, and Sunset couldn't help but smile too. “But for now, I have classes in twenty minutes.”
“Classes?” Starlight's smile faded in her confusion. “I thought you said it was a weekend?”
“Not quite, we still have a half day of school here. We get out of class at noon, and then we have about three and a half hours before everyone has to go their separate ways, more than enough time for a couple games of laser tag.”
“Well, okay,” Starlight said, still confused, “but if you weren't available till later, why have me come so early?”
“I wanted to give you a chance to get used to walking on two legs again.” Sunset gave a pointed glance at her slightly shaky legs. “Laser tag involves a lot of running, don't want you tripping and hurting yourself because you just got here.”
“I guess that makes sense,” Starlight allowed as Sunset reached into her backpack. She pulled two pieces of paper out of her bag, one small and green, the other one larger, white, and covered in scrawlings.
“Here,” she said, giving Starlight both. “Money for food if you get hungry, and a map to the mall. I wasn't sure you would remember how to get there and back, so I drew the map.” Starlight turned the map back and forth until she had it right way up. “Why don't you go hang out there for a couple of hours, then meet us here at noon.”
“Sounds good to me.”
“Oh, there was one other thing,” Sunset said as she closed her backpack. “Are you sure you don't want to stay the whole weekend? Everyone's busy this weekend, but we still made time for a slumber party at my place on Sunday. It'd be real nice if you came.”
“I... sure, I guess I'll come.”
“Great! But...you sure you want to? You don't exactly seem excited. I know you said you wanted to be back to welcome Twilight home.”
“I did, but...” Starlight shrugged gloomily. “I don't think Twilight wants me to be there to welcome her back.”
“What! What would ever make you think that?” Sunset looked at her in stunned concern.
“I... I messed up the other day. And I mean really messed it up. So badly I don't want to tell you what I did. Everyone forgave me, and Twilight said she wasn't mad but... I guess I think she should be.” Starlight sighed in despair. “I guess a part of me is expecting to get a message from Twilight saying not to bother coming back.”
“That's ridiculous Starlight, Twilight really cares about you, she would never do something like that.” Sunset reached out to grab Starlight's shoulder to try and comfort her. Starlight responded with a despondent moan.
“Mmmmm... I know! Ugh, I just can't stop myself sometimes, I just think of the worst possible thing and then it's all I can think about.” Starlight put her hand over her eyes for a few seconds, then looked up with as cheerful a smile as she could manage. “It's fine, I just get these thoughts sometimes.”
“Look,” Sunset began, giving her shoulder a squeeze before letting go. “Why don't we talk about this later tonight, or even tomorrow?”
“I'd really rather we didn't.”
“These kinds of thoughts aren't healthy Starlight, and it isn't going to do you any good if you just ignore them. Besides, you helped me when I had doubts of my own, it's my turn to repay the favor.” A loud bell went off in the school, and Sunset started to back up towards it. “I have to go, but seriously, we're going to talk about this later.”
“Great,” Starlight groaned under her breath as she waved goodbye. “Can't. Wait.” She heaved out a heavy sigh, and looked back at the portal. Maybe I should just go back, she thought with despair. No, Starlight, get a hold of yourself, your friend is just trying to help you. She sighed aloud again, then looked at the map. Might as well go have a look around instead of just hanging out here.
You know, in hindsight, I'm really glad I stayed, Starlight thought as she took another bite of chocolate bar. I'm not sure about all the biological differences between ponies and humans, but chocolate tastes so much better as a human!
The mall was mostly empty, though it was pretty early in the morning. Most of the shops hadn't even been opened when she got there, so she had spent her time walking around looking in store windows. Wandering around the mall, seeing all the sights and sounds had lifted her mood considerably. Not enough to talk to Sunset about Twilight though, she thought, moodily taking another bite. Probably.
Okay, it'd be nice to talk to someone I can trust about this. Sunset has a... checkered past as well, she's not going to judge me to harshly. But still, I don't want to seem too we-
Starlight’s thoughts were interrupted by the gentle chime of a bell. Looking down, her breath caught in her throat as she saw the needle on the compass around her neck had stop it's lazy circular spin, instead now bouncing back and forth between two points.
It works! She thought with excitement, holding it up and facing in the direction it was pointing. She took couple excited steps in that direction before freezing mid stride.
Starlight, you promised, her conscience badgered her.
“But this could be my only chance to see, well, me,” Starlight muttered to herself. The compass point swayed back and forth enticingly.
You promised you wouldn't do anything reckless.
“And...I won't, I'll make sure she doesn't see me, no danger if she doesn't even know I'm there.”
You promised you wouldn't go anywhere near her.
“If I'm not even close enough for her to see me, I'd say that's nowhere near.”
What about your friends? They're getting out of school soon, your going to be late.
"Not necessarily; I've got a watch, if it looks like I'm going to run out of time, I'll just turn back."
Her conscience had nothing to say to that, or maybe it knew better than to try and win a futile battle.
Or maybe I should stop arguing to myself like a crazy person.
Looking around, she noticed even her quiet tone had drawn concerned stares from the few people around. She quickly headed in the direction the compass indicate, giving those staring a nervous chuckle and grin.
She followed the compass out of the mall and down the street. When she got around two blocks away, she noticed the back-and-forth movement of the compass point was definitely getting narrower. I'm getting closer, she thought with excitement. A little ball of nervous guilt had settled in her stomach, but her eagerness and curiosity buried it far enough that it didn't even slow her down.
“She's late, Sunset,” Rainbow Dash said for the twentieth time. All seven girls plus Spike were hanging around the portal, waiting for Starlight. Rainbow Dash was playing with her soccer ball, Fluttershy was petting Spike, Twilight was studying, and everyone else was just lazing about. They all, however, looked bored. “Seriously, we've been waiting two hours! I didn't realize she was the type to ditch on people.”
“Oh, come on now, I don't think she would do that,” Twilight said as she looked over her textbook. “Maybe she just lost track of time.”
“Two. Hours.” Dash repeated, juggling her soccer ball. The rest of the girls shared an uneasy look.
“Look, girls,”Applejack spoke up. “I'd love to stay and wait for Starlight Glimmer, but I have chores I got to get done before I start my work shift. Even if she gets here now, we'd only have about ten minutes before I've got to leave.”
“And I have soccer practice later. Starlight was supposed to be here so we could have time for a couple games of laser tag, but there's no time now. And I wouldn't want to leave anyone out anyways.”
“I need to get to the animal shelter,” Fluttershy looked around, hoping to spot Starlight. “But, what if Starlight is hurt, or lost. We should go look for her.”
“I'll go look for her, girls,” Sunset said as she stood up and brushed off the back of her leggings. “She's probably just wandering around the mall, or looking at some cool new gizmo. Remember how long Princess Twilight spent in the library that one time?” They all laughed at the memory, except Twilight who just looked confused. Spike jumped out of Fluttershys arms and ran over to Sunset.
“Did you want me to go with you?” He asked, wagging his tail in excitement. “I could help you sniff her out.”
“Good idea, Spike. Do you mind if I borrow Spike, Twilight?” Twilight shook her head, slipping her textbook into her school bag before standing up.
“Just make sure he gets home tonight, I need my study partner for tomorrow.”
“I will,” she assure her friend. “I'll see you tomorrow Dash, Fluttershy.” The group of friends waved their goodbyes, each going their own ways. “Let's go, Spike.”
“What in Equestria would Starlight be doing in a place like this?” Sunset wondered aloud. “This isn't even anywhere near the mall.”
“Don't know,” Spike answered, raising his nose to take an extra long sniff. “She is in there though.” He walked up to the fence surrounding the area, looking back and forth for the missing girl. Sunset saw his ears perk up, then he started to point excitedly with a paw. “Oh, oh, there she is!” Sunset looked in that direction, and saw her at the top of a slight hill, kneeling down in the grass. She was alone, and seemed to be just... staring at the ground.
“No, seriously, what is she doing?” Sunset muttered to herself. “Thanks for helping me find her, Spike. Twilight would be furious if I lost her like that.”
“No problem, Sunset, but, uh, do you mind if I go ahead and start heading home? It's already pretty late.” Spike looked to the west, noting the sunset already crossing the horizon. “I'd go with you to check on Starlight, but... I really don't want to go in there.” Spike looked back towards Starlight, and Sunset noticed the fur on his back start to rise. “I don't like the smell of the place.” Sunset reached down and gave the dog a comforting scratch behind the ears.
“Of course, Spike, you were more than enough help,” Sunset said. She turned back towards Starlight as Spike scampered off in the direction of his home, and spoke again softly to herself. “I know just how you feel.” She walked through the open gate, and turned to walk up the hill towards her missing friend.
I know places like this aren't supposed to be creepy, Sunset thought to herself as she walked up the hill, being careful where she stepped. But is there anyone who actually finds these places comforting? As she neared her friend, she noticed Starlight was sitting completely still, as if lost in thought, or sleeping.
Or dead, she realized with an irrational chill, before she could help it. C’mon Sunset, pull yourself together. Sure, finding your friend in a graveyard is pretty creepy, but there’s no reason to let your imagination run away from you like that.
“Starlight! What are you doing in a place like this?” Sunset stopped a foot behind her. “Do you have any idea how worried I was when I found out you left the mall?”
“Sunset?” Sunset frowned; Starlight didn't sound quite like herself. “What are you doing here?”
“What? Starlight, do you have any idea what time it is?” Sunset felt her old temper try to rear its head as Starlight wouldn't even look at her, but she choked back the angry words that first sprang to mind. “What are you even looking... at... oh.”
Sunset felt a chill settle in her gut as she read what little part of the headstone that wasn't covered in leaves and moss. There was still more than enough showing to know whose grave they were in front of.
“This...” Starlight said quietly, as she reached out a hand to brush away the moss and leaves covering the gravestone. “I really didn't expect something like this,” Even though Sunset could tell what the words had said before, she still felt a chill as she read them in whole.
It was dark inside her apartment when Sunset opened the door. Reaching to the side of the entryway, she flipped a switch and the line of decorative lights she had wrapped around her place lit up, giving her enough light to see without being too bright. In the light she saw Starlight sitting at her kitchen table, staring at nothing. She'd removed her vest and beanie, and was sitting with her arms crossed. Juggling the bags she carried, Sunset tossed her keys onto the small counter next to the door and called out to her friend.
“Starlight? I'm back.” Starlight looked up, seemingly surprised to see her.
“Sunset, I'm sorry, I didn't hear you.”
“It's fine, just wondering what your doing sitting in the dark.” Sunset flipped on the kitchen lights, then walked up to the table and put the carry-out bags she was holding down. “I brought dinner, pasta, if you want it.”
“That sounds great,” Starlight said with a smile, then pointed up to her shoulder. “I didn't want to get up and disturb Ray.” Sure enough, Sunset’s tiny leopard gecko was perched on her shoulder. “Fluttershy taught me how to handle and feed him while you were gone. I didn't want to get up and turn on any lights because I can feel him breathing and it's really relaxing. After yesterday, I needed the chance to just sit and think.”
“Aw, Ray, you getting to know Starlight?” Sunset reached out her hand, finger extended, and Ray crawled onto it. “You're such a cutie Ray,” Sunset said as she walked him up the stairs to her bedroom. She put Ray in his cage and topped off his water bowl, and by the time she came back downstairs, Starlight had already laid out dinner, two plates of pasta and a salad for both.
“You were gone all day,” Starlight said as she at back at the table. “Rainbow, Fluttershy and Twilight left hours ago.”
“Twilight was here? She told me she was going to be busy studying this weekend.”
“Yeah, well, I think Spike told her where you found me yesterday, she was giving me looks all afternoon. Thanks for not telling everyone exactly what happened by the way."
“I hope they didn't give you too hard a time about yesterday,” Sunset said as she grabbed a couple water bottles from her fridge, handing one to Starlight as she sat down. “Wrong way.” Starlight flushed and turned the cap the other direction until she broke the seal.
“Dash was pretty upset with me. I apologized though, and I think Twilight said something to her, cause she was pretty nice to me the rest of the day.” Starlight took a long swig of her water before putting the bottle down. “Interesting how some things between worlds are so similar while others...” Sunset flinched, but Starlight just picked up her fork and continued. “Anyways, Twilight answered some questions I had about your technology here, and Dash taught me how to play video games so at least I had fun today.”
"Well, there's that at least." Sunset went ahead and started eating.
“Thanks for the dinner, Sunset,” Starlight said gratefully, eager to settle her hunger. She started turning her fork over and over in her hand, trying to find a comfortable way to hold it. This is going to be much harder without magic, she thought in annoyance, and looked to her friend for help. When she saw Sunset’s knowing grin at her predicament, she gritted her teeth and held up the utensil. “How do I use this thing?”
Sunset held up her own fork to show Starlight, then slowly and deliberately stabbed her pasta, spinning the fork to wrap the noodles in the fork’s tines. Starlight followed her example, but gave up trying to spin the fork with one hand, instead using her free one to spin. It took a couple tries, but she got it eventually.
“I can see why you guys mostly fed me pizza last time I was here,” Starlight said as she lifted the pasta to her mouth and took a bite. The cheesy flavor washed over her tongue, and she moaned in pleasure. “I don't know if I'll ever get used to hands though.” They sat quietly for a time, just enjoying the good food. “You never did tell me where you were all day,” Starlight said as she pushed her salad plate to the side.
Sunset paused, fork halfway to her mouth. She quickly took the bite of food, chewing slowly to think of how best to bring up her day.
“I was doing some research on... well, uh, you. I looked up your... her name on the internet, even made some calls and went and talked to some people who knew her, teachers, even family.”
“You didn't have to do that, Sunset,” Starlight said, but Sunset could tell she appreciated it from the look she gave her. They both turned back to the rest of their dinners.
“Yeah, well, I wanted to know what happened as well,” Sunset said around a bite of salad. “Apparently, Starlight... I mean... you know what-who I mean.” Starlight grinned around a mouthful of food and rolled her eyes at her. “Right, sorry just nervous.”
Starlight swallowed her food, then looked at Sunset with an intensity that made her nervous. “Please,” she said, “I need to know about her.”
“Are you sure?" Sunset asked with some hesitation. "You wouldn't even talk to me about this last night.”
“Like I said, I've had some time to think. Now I just want to know."
“Right,” Sunset said, swallowing a lump of nervousness. “I'm, uh, not really sure where to start. What did you want to know?”
“What was she like?” Starlight asked in a small voice. “That's really what made me curious enough to go look for her.”
“Right, right,” Sunset said again, clearing her throat. “According to her father, she was always a bit of an outsider, kept to herself and... what is it?” Starlight had frozen mid bite, staring at Sunset.
“Her father was alive?” Starlight asked, shock evident on her face.
“Yeah, why? Is your... I mean, did your father-”
“What did her father tell you?” Starlight interrupted, her expression making it clear any more questions about this would go unanswered. There were long moments of silence as Sunset tried to find something to say. Finally she decided it would be best to just continue.
“Um, like her dad said, she was pretty isolated from other people. After she had to move away from her only friend,” Sunset saw a moment of recognition there, “he said she was never able to make a connection like that again. She never went anywhere or spent time with anyone. Her elementary school teacher I called said she spent her time reading or drawing instead of playing with other children. Apparently she was bullied a lot.”
“Huh,” Starlight said thoughtfully. “I used to have bullies, but after a few scorched manes and tails, most ponies wisen up to not pick on the filly with a talent in magic." Sunset snorted in amusement. "What else did you learn.” Starlight stabbed another noodle, trying to force the slippery food to cooperate.
“Well, turns out she was an artist, a painter.” Starlight looked at her with surprise. “Is that weird?”
“I don't know, I had my magic growing up. I never really considered other hobbies. Well, other than... never mind, not really important.” Starlight scraped the last of her food into her mouth and stacked her plates to the side. “What did she paint?”
“Landscapes, mostly. Her dad showed me some of her work. I'm not much of an art critic but they looked nice. Apparently she was pretty good at it, an art museum in Canterlot was interested in one of her pieces.” Starlight made a detached hmm, and sat there waiting. Sunset could feel the unspoken question in the air, but she ignored it and kept eating her food.
One bite...
Two bites...
Three bites...
Four bit-
“Sunset, I think you know what I want to ask next.”
"You want to know how she died?" Sunset asked as the chill from the other day took hold of her gut once more. Starlight locked eyesight with her and nodded. Sunset quickly took another bite of food, thinking furiously. What do I tell her? I... I could lie, but-
“Did she kill herself?”
Sunset spit her bite of food out in shock. The two stared at each other, Sunset in disbelief, Starlight with the same focused intensity from before. Sunset noticed she was gripping the edge of the table, her knuckles turning white from exertion. A line of sudden sweat ran down her face.
“Sunset, did she commit suicide?” Starlight repeated when her friend just gaped at her.
“Y-yes, how did you know that?”
Starlight didn't answer, she just slowly stood up, her face twisting slightly as she tried to suppress her emotions... and something else. As she turned and stumbled out of the kitchen, Sunset quickly pushed away from the table and followed her. Starlight clumsily rushed her way into Sunset’s bathroom, the door slamming shut behind her. Sunset winced as she heard her friend losing her dinner into the toilet.
Sunset waited a few minutes of dead silence before knocking on the bathroom door. “Starlight, are you okay?” Stupid question, Sunset thought to herself angrily. “I mean, do you need any help?” The door opened suddenly, startling Sunset into taking a few steps back. Starlight stood in the doorway, the bathroom light behind her making it hard to see her expression in the moment before she turned it off. Sunset took in the disheveled hair, red eyes, and tear streaked face in a glance, and her heart broke for her friend.
“Starlight...” she began as she reached out to comfort the girl, and Starlight practically fell into her arms, nearly knocking her over.
“Oh, Sunset,” Starlight sobbed into the other girl's arms. “I knew it. I knew it, I knew it, I knew it...”
“Knew what? Starlight, please, tell me what's wrong.”
“I knew it was suicide... from the moment I saw how old she was when she died, I knew. She was the same age I was when I... I decided I would do... whatever it took,” she sobbed out into Sunset’s arms. “Whatever it took... to make sure I wouldn't be alone anymore. It was too much... I thought that if having friends meant they could hurt me the way Sunburst did, then I'd rather be alone forever.” Sunset quietly held her, letting her speak without interruption, letting her vent.
“But when I turned thirteen, I had reached the absolute bottom. All my youth, I had pushed everyone around me away, they hated me for how I would treat them, and I resented them right back. I was so bitter, I thought that nothing could hurt me again, but I was wrong. It was nothing, in the grand scheme, just another party I wasn't invited to, again; just looked over and ignored again."
“Easy, Starlight, it’s... it’s okay,” Sunset managed to stammer out, Starlight's sudden outburst of emotion catching her completely off guard. She rubbed a hand down the girl's back to try and calm her.
“That really was the final straw to break the illusion I created for myself,” Starlight continued, “and I had to face the fact that being alone hurt even more than losing my friend. And then I considered... ending it.”
Saying that out loud seemed to calm her somehow, and Sunset felt her relax a bit. Starlight pushed away from Sunset and leaned her back against the wall, wiping away her tears with her fists. She slowly let herself slide down, until she was sitting, hugging her knees to her chest. Starlight covered her face with her forearms, hands dangling with fists clenched. Sunset sat down next to her, and when Starlight rested her head on her shoulder, she scooted closer, until their sides were pressed up against each other. “I've never told anyone that before,” Starlight said quietly, looking to the right, away from Sunset. “I always thought it was a sign of weakness, and I swore to never be weak.” Sunset couldn't think of anything to say to that, so she just wrapped an arm around Starlight instead.
Starlight took two deep, shuddering breaths, almost gasps, and ran her fist across her eyes once more. Starlight turned to look at Sunset and as she met her eyes, she saw a sadness and fire in Starlight’s eyes, even as tears still ran down her face, the traces of remembered feelings reflected there. “That was when I promised myself that I wasn't going to be alone anymore, that I would do whatever it took to be happy and to have friends.”
Starlight sighed, looking down at her hands. She slowly unclenched her fists, then rested her face in her palms. “I threw myself into my study of magic. My father... my father was a powerful unicorn. When I was five, he died in some kind of magical experiment gone wrong. I learned so much about magic from the books he left behind. It was in his lab that I earned my Cutie mark, trying out some of the spells in his books. I tried to convince my mother to send me to Celestia's school, but she refused to let me go. A pony from the school even tried to come enroll me when I sent in my test scores, but she yelled at him, accused him of trying to steal me away. She said she wasn't going to lose her daughter to magic the same way she lost her husband. I began to resent my mother just as much as I resented every pony else.
When I made up my mind, I stole my father's private journals from my mother, and I learned what he had been working on when he died. He was trying to find a way to change somepony’s Cutie mark. To find a way to permanently alter somepony’s destiny. The idea was everything I dreamed of. A way to change my fate so no one would leave me again. Unfortunately, I was able to learn his plan was impossible. He tried to change his own destiny; I don't know what he was trying to change it to, but the attempt killed him. When I realized that, I had to come up with a new plan. I learned everything my father new about magic and Cutie marks.
I barely ate, or slept, everything I did had to do with my studies. My mother worried for me; she said I was going to wind up dead like my father but I ignored her. I know she wanted to take away my books and scrolls, but I told her I would runaway if she did. As scared as she was of magic, she was scared of being alone even more. And, finally, I did it. I created my spell, one that would solve all my problems, my cutie mark stealing spell. I had to combine a dozen different spells to do it, but I did it. I left my home the same day. I didn't even say goodbye to my mother. I decided that I had to find other ponies, like me, ones who knew what it was like to know the loneliness that a life with Cutie marks could bring. Only they would be able to understand what I wanted to do.”
Sunset felt increasingly awkward as Starlight talked. I know Starlight had a rough childhood, but I had no idea. I can't believe she's telling me this.
“I was able to find a group of ponies like that”, Starlight said, so quietly that Sunset strained to hear her even in the stillness of the apartment, “and together we started our town. And for the first time since I was a little filly, I was happy. My friends and I would be together forever, and I would spread that friendship all over Equestria.”
Starlight lapsed into another minute of silence before speaking again. “But when my friends found out how horribly I had treated them, how I lied to them, they rightfully turned on me. But I didn't see it that way at the time, all I felt was betrayed yet again by ponies I thought I could trust. And I once again considered just... ending it.” Sunset tightened her grip on Starlight’s shoulder, and Starlight responded by pushing her side further into Sunset’s. “I didn't see a point in going on, not if I was doomed by a destiny I couldn't escape to be alone forever.”
They sat together without speaking, only Starlight's quiet sniffles breaking the stillness until those too died out. Sunset had no idea how long they sat there, but it felt like hours. Her arm was in agony from holding it around Starlight for so long, and her legs were aching from sitting on the hard ground. “Well, obvious- heh, sorry,” Starlight said, breaking off and chuckling as Sunset jumped when she suddenly broke the silence. The two shared a small laugh together.
“Obviously, I didn't go through with it,” Starlight said with a sardonic half smile. She pushed away from Sunset, slowly standing up and stretching her arms and legs. Sunset gratefully took the opportunity to do the same. Starlight walked over to the ceiling high window of Sunset's apartment and stared out at the city lights. The moon hung low over the skyline. “Good thing too, or else Twilight might not have been lucky enough to get a student with my talent.”
Sunset was glad to see some of Starlight’s sass back, but she still seemed far too withdrawn for the usually carefree girl she knew. Not that that's so surprising, all things considered.
“Why didn't you go through with it?” Sunset asked without thinking. “I-I mean...I just...” Sunset stuttered into an awkward silence. Fortunately, Starlight didn't get mad, she just tilted her head in thought. After a long stretch of quiet she spoke.
“Even as horrible or worthless or alone I felt, I always had hope. I knew I could do great things with my magic; it's always been my greatest strength, and maybe that's why it's also my greatest weakness. Need to make a friend? Just use your magic. Need to get revenge? Why not try some magic. I always look to magic to solve my problems, mostly out of habit, but also because it really is all that I know. I guess the other Starlight never had that. And without that hope, well, she had nothing. I know what that kind isolation can do to a person. I'm just heartbroken that she never found a way to move forward. And now I'm left wondering if I would have done the same thing if I were in her shoes.” Starlight gave another heavy sigh as she looked at the moon.
“I always wondered what my life would have been like without my magic,” she said with an introspective tone. She turned and looked at her friend. “I thought that without magic, I wouldn't have done those terrible things, that maybe the me of this world had a happy, carefree life. I guess that's just not how things work out, huh?” Turning back to the window, she continued to take in the cityscape.
Sunset stretched her limbs again, trying to shake the last bits of stiffness from sitting on the ground for so long. Looking at the clock, she groaned inwardly. I can't believe we sat there for four hours. Starlight must have seen her reflection in the window because she turned to her with shame on her face.
“Sorry for keeping you up so late. I guess I just had some things on my mind. I'm... really surprised I told you all that.”
“It's fine, Starlight, you really needed to get that stuff out there. I don't know how you kept all that to yourself without going crazy.” Sunset went into the kitchen and dumped the plates in the sink and threw away the trash. I'll fix this stuff in the morning, she thought as her eyelids drooped even further.
“Well, I kind of did lose it there for awhile,”Starlight said with a self-deprecating laugh. “Fortunately I've got good friends to help me keep my head on straight. Thanks for being there for me, and for finding that stuff out about the other me. It would have driven me even more crazy not knowing. But now I think we both need sleep.”
“No problem,” Sunset said, the prospect of sleep a welcome one now. “You still have the pj’s I loaned you yesterday, right?” Starlight nodded. “Good night, then”
An hour later, Sunset was still tossing around in her bed, unable to sleep, concern for Starlight still troubling her. Every time she tried to think of something she could say to help her friend, she came up blank. She tried to empty her mind, but each time she just saw Starlight curled up against her wall sobbing.
Finally, she sighed and rolled out of bed. Walking to the railing of her loft bedroom, she looked down into her apartment, where Starlight was sleeping on her couch. The string of decorative lights on her loft railing were still lit, giving just enough light for her to see Starlight below. She was curled up on her couch, the blanket she borrowed pulled up to her chin, but Sunset could still see her steady breathing as she slept.
I think I even hear her snoring, Sunset thought with amusement. If she can sleep tonight, there's no reason I can't too. Turning away, her mind at blissful ease, she climbed into bed and fell asleep before her head even hit the pillow.
As the group of friends made their way down the sidewalk, Starlight held back a little, contemplating.
Sunday went well for Starlight. Sunset took her around the town to see new sights, which was fun, and that evening’s slumber party with all her friends had a special surprise: Juniper Montage. The teen girl had truly turned over another leaf, taking on a second job and trying harder at school.
“And it's all thanks to you,” she had said as she tightly hugged Starlight. Looking around, Juniper leaned in and whispered, “This is actually my very first slumber party,” right into Starlight's ear.
“It's mine too,” Starlight had whispered back, and the two shared a giggle of excitement.
The rest of the night went as Starlight expected, lots of games and snacks and laughter. A few of the games felt immature, but Starlight had looked past it as just being part of the event. Starlight thought they would be up most of the night, but they had to turn in early to be ready for school the next day, as well as wake up early enough to fix a breakfast big enough for nine people. Getting all of them awake and moving had been a challenge, but they were up and all headed towards school. Juniper had said her goodbyes ealier, as she had to catch a bus back into the city to her own school.
“Hey,” a voice said nudging her from her thoughts. Starlight looked up to see Sunset walking beside her. “You know, with everything else that happened, we never did get a chance to talk about your problems with Twilight.”
“What problems?” Starlight asked in confusion, trying to think back.
“Something about you messing up, and you were convinced Twilight wouldn't forgive you.”
“Oh, that.” The rest of their friends were walking a ways ahead of them, just out of what Starlight hoped was earshot. She bit the inside of her cheek as she considered telling Sunset, then relinquished with a sigh. “So, I might have, sort of... used my magic to brainwash our friends.” Starlight looked away so she wouldn't have to see the anger and judgement on her friend’s face.
“Really?” Sunset asked, surprise instead of anger evident in her voice. Starlight nodded, still afraid to look at her. “Mind control magic is pretty tricky stuff.” Sunset continued after giving a low whistle. “What spell did you use?”
“Something new I created using a bunch of different spells. I didn't name it, but it basically suppressed their personalities while making them want to do whatever I asked them to.”
“Wow, that's some powerful stuff. What made you go and use something like that?” Starlight risked a glance at her, but there was only surprise mixed with a bit of curiosity on her face.
“I was trying to impress Twilight by getting all the friendship lessons she had assigned me done in one day. I asked my friends for help, but instead of working with me, they all wanted to do the lessons their way. Then they all started arguing with each other, and, well, I panicked.” Starlight rubbed the back of her neck as a guilty flush spread over her features. “Okay, I... also wanted to do the lessons my way... and I might have completely missed the point of those lessons as well. I wasn't trying to brainwash them, just... make them more cooperative. But, in this case ‘more cooperative’ just means ‘less likely to talk back’.” Starlight heaved a great sigh, an inescapable hint of fear of what Sunset would say worming its way into her.
“You brainwashed your friends to do your homework?”
“Yeah, like I said, I'm not proud of it at all.”
The two continued in silence; The longer the silence stretched the worse Starlight felt.
“Is that all?”
“What do you mean is that all?” Starlight was surprised by the amount of anger in her response. Sunset winced at her reaction.
“No, sorry, I didn't mean it like that, I just... the way you were acting, I thought you forced them to do your laundry and chores or something. Or made them do something embarrassing or dangerous. I mean, you do remember that I brainwashed my whole school to become my private army to conquer Equestria, right?”
“Oh,” Starlight said, considering that for a few more steps. “I guess I kinda did.”
“Not to mention I tried to kill Twilight and her friends that one time... my point is that I've done things way worse than some poorly thought out magic use, and Twilight didn't just forgive me, she became my best friend. Look, after what you told me the other night, I get why you might be scared Twilight is still mad at you. You're scared she's going to give up on you, not just as a teacher, but as a friend as well.”
“Yeah,” Starlight confessed, surprised as that seemed to slightly lessen the tension in her back. “I'm scared to be alone again. I can't lose another friend, especially if it was my fault I drove them away.”
“Look, I've been trying to think of what I can say to make you feel better, but I'm not Twilight. I can't think of some magical friendship speech to make everything better. But I can do this.” Sunset reached out and rested her hand on Starlight's shoulder, drawing the girl’s attention to her. The two stopped walking and faced each other. “No matter what happens, no matter what you do, I'll always be here for you Starlight. After everything I've done, I have no right to judge you, there's nothing you could do that would drive me away, trust me. You're my friend, and you always will be.” Sunset hesitated a moment when she saw Starlight eyes start to fill with tears, but she kept going.
“I know that no matter what, Princess Twilight will always forgive you and be there for you, just like she was for me. But I also understand why you might not always believe that, even if you know it's true, so I want you to know you always have a place here with me.”
“Here with us,” Twilight cut in, causing Starlight and Sunset to jump. The two looked over to see the other six girls had stopped with them and moved into hearing distance. Starlight looked between their smiling, welcoming faces with eyes filled with tears, confusion barely covering up the slow sense of joy and acceptance filling her.
“W-why?” Starlight stammered out. “We barely know each other, yet you all trust me that much?”
“Aw shucks, sugarcube,” Applejack said as she pushed her hat out of her eyes. “The way you rescued us from that dang mirror, don't even think of it.” The rest of her friends voiced their agreement with the farm girl.
“Did you eavesdrop on everything we've been saying?” Sunset asked with worry, knowing that Starlight wouldn't want everyone to know what she had done.
“Why, of course not, that would be rather rude of us,” Rarity exclaimed with some displeasure, obviously hurt at the implication of snooping. “But can you blame us if we were? You two have been keeping secrets from us all weekend.”
“I know,” Starlight spoke up. “And I'd be just as curious as the rest of you, but it's something I need to come to terms with on my own before I can share. I hope you can understand.”
“I know I can,” Twilight said, as she reached out to squeeze her arm.
“Of course we understand, darling,” Rarity said, looking a bit admonished for her earlier peevishness. “As Applejack said, we really do owe you so much.”
“Yeah,” Fluttershy spoke up. “I don't even want to think about what would have happened to us if you hadn't been there.”
“You girls don't owe me anything, I know you would have done the same for me. That's what friends do for each other, right?”
“Right,” Sunset said, making Starlight laugh by giving her a friendly jab on the arm. “And that includes your friends in Equestria.”
“I really don't know what to say, everyone. This... this really means a lot to me.” Starlight finally felt her pooling tears spill over cheeks. “I haven't felt like this since Twilight offered to make me her student.”
“Aw, don't be silly, Starlight Glimmer,” Pinkie Pie said as she scooped her up into a powerful hug. “Friends are supposed to make you laugh, not cry.”
“Oof, Pinkie, please!” Starlight gasped out as everyone else laughed, then joined in to make it a group hug.
This went on for a while, too long for Starlight's taste, but she was just happy to let her friends be happy. It was finally interrupted by seven phone alarms going off, jolting the group into sudden movement. Starlight staggered as she was suddenly dropped to the ground.
“Hey, what is it?”
“We’re going to be late!” Rainbow Dash yelled behind her as she took off running towards the school, the other six right behind her. They made it there just in time, the bell to head to morning classes ringing just as they arrived. Starlight received a quick hug from each of them before they hurried on their way, until it was just her and Sunset in front of the portal.
“I guess this is goodbye for now,” Starlight said. Instead of answering, Sunset opened up her backpack.
“I wasn't sure if I should give this to you, but I thought you might want it.” She said as she pulled a photo out of her bag. “Her dad let me take a picture of some old photos he had, and I got this copy for you.” Sunset held out the photo, tilted away so Starlight couldn't see what it was.
Slowly, her hand shaking slightly, Starlight reached out and took the photo. There were three people there, an older man, with light grey skin and silver hair, embracing a much younger Starlight, pigtails and all, and a much younger Sunburst. Starlight stared at the photo, at the man in particular. They all looked so happy together, far happier than Starlight ever remembered her childhood being.
“Are you okay? Should I not have-”
“Thank you,” Starlight interrupted. “I never even had a photo of my father to remember him. This might not be him, but it's the closest I'll ever get.” Starlight carefully slipped the photo into her bag.
“Well,” Sunset said as she wrapped her friend in a farewell hug. “I know this trip didn't go quite as we expected, but I'm still glad you came.”
“I'm glad too, I think I've learned a lot, about myself, and my friends.”
“Good.” Sunset let go and turned to walk away. “Say hi to Twilight for me, okay?”
“Wait,” Starlight said, reaching out to gently grab her wrist. Sunset looked at Starlight in surprise. “Do... do you think I should tell Twilight about... about the other me? Princess Twilight that is.”
“Why wouldn't you tell her?”
“Oh, right. I, uh, promised her I wouldn't use this to find her before I left.” Starlight held up her magic compass. “Kinda wish I'd kept that promise now.”
“Oh,” Sunset said, as the implications of what her friend was asking settled in. “You're asking if I think you should confess, basically.” Sunset bit her bottom lip as Starlight nodded, her common sense and conscience warring with her empathy as she saw the fear in Starlight's face, the nervous way she fidgeted with the compass.
“I think-” Sunset started, then paused when she saw a little hope in Starlight's eyes. Steeling herself, she pushed on. “I think it would be best to tell her.” She watched Starlight's hope die, and the fear return, her mouth twisted into a slight grimace and her brow furrowed. “I know that won't be easy, but... I know she'll forgive you, and she's better able to help you deal with what you found.”
“Right,” Starlight said woodenly, as she turned towards the portal. “I'll- I'll think about it.”
“Okay,” Sunset responded gently, not wanting to force the issue. “I'll write you as soon as I can, but I've got to get to class.”
“Wait!” Starlight called out, again stopping Sunset mid-turn. “Before I go, did you really try and kill Twilight?”
“Twilight never told you that?” Starlight shook her head. “Yeah, I did. I'd managed to steal her Element of Harmony crown, and used it to turn myself into a demon.” Starlight looked at her with a raised brow. “Yep, a literal demon. I was all set to take my army and invade Equestria when Twilight decided she was going to try and lecture me into giving up. So I threw a fireball at her to try and get her to be quiet for good.” Starlight snorted in amusement at the mental image of Twilight scolding a literal demon.
“Yeah,” Starlight said. “Twilight definitely loves her friendship speeches. She tried using one on me the first time we met, but I just yelled at her and she shut up.”
“Wait, you just yelled at her? And it worked?”
“Yeah, why?” Starlight looked a bit confused. “Was that not supposed to work?”
“I don't know,” Sunset replied a distant look on her face. “I never even thought to try that.”
“Huh. You know, speaking of friendship speeches, I don't think you did that bad with mine.” Starlight gave Sunset a teasing grin. “I think you've got more in common with Twilight than you know.”
“Ha, you're one to talk, using magic to cheat on your homework? That sounds so much like Twilight I'm going to have trouble keeping you two separated from now on.”
“Oh, come on, we're not that much alike,” Starlight said with a frown as she watched Sunset walk away.
“Just keep telling yourself that,” Sunset replied over her shoulder, waving goodbye as she went. “I'll make sure to write to you later.” Starlight waved back and watched until the school doors closed behind her.
Starlight turned back to the portal, sighing as she debated with herself internally. She stared at it for a minute in silence, then squared her shoulders and walked in.
Once again, Starlight felt herself flung from the portal, but this time felt herself caught in the gentle embrace of magic.
“Starlight!” She heard Twilight call out as she was gently lowered to the ground. She was still trying to get her footing when she was wrapped in yet another eager hug. “Welcome back, it's been far too quiet around here without you.”
“Too quiet? Isn't Spike around?”
“Well, yes,” Twilight admitted as she stepped back to give her some space. “But I had the most amazing friendship lesson idea, and I've been waiting for you to get back. C’mon, let's get started right now.” Grinning with excitement, she turned and started to try and lead the way out of the library.
“Twilight, wait,” Starlight called out, before she had a chance to rethink her decision. Twilight stopped and turned back, her brow quirked with curiosity. Starlight opened her mouth once, twice, but couldn't manage to choke out the words. Her gut was locked tight with fear.
“Starlight? What's wrong?” Twilight asked, worry replacing her confusion.
“Twilight,” Starlight finally managed to choke out. “I'm so sorry, I... I broke my promise.” She lifted the photo from her bag to show what she meant.
Twilight looked at the photo, and as soon as she realized what she was looking at, she stiffened, eyes going wide. A simple ‘Oh’ was all she said, then turned around and stared at the wall.
“Twilight, I-”
“Be quiet, Starlight,” Twilight cut in, her voice eerily emotionless. Starlight's jaw snapped shut with an audible click of teeth. Twilight stared at the wall a few more seconds, then pushed the library doors open with her magic and walked out. Not knowing what else to do, Starlight followed her down the hallway, far enough to not intrude, but keeping the princess in sight.
After what seemed to be a half hour of wandering the halls of her castle, Twilight finally turned into her personal kitchen and eating area. The room was sparkling clean, clear evidence of the hard work Spike put into his job. There was a small book sitting on the table, that Twilight levitated in front of her face and started reading as she sat down.
Looking at the cover, Starlight saw it was an old book of fairy tales about Princess Celestia's childhood. Starlight sat opposite of her teacher, making sure to be quiet. Starlight watched an hour tick by on the kitchen clock, her emotions swirling further out of her control.
“Well?” Starlight finally said her fear driving her to impatience.
“Well, what?” Twilight replied, her voice still full of carefully controlled indifference.
“Well... aren't you going to yell at me? Or punish me?” Starlight felt her voice crack on the final word, but she ignored it, rising from her chair and slamming her hoof on the table. “I-I disobeyed you. I broke my promise! You should be furious with me, not just-just sitting there reading!”
Twilight didn't even flinch at her outburst, just kept reading. Starlight flushed red as the embarrassment of her actions swept over her. “S-sorry,” she muttered as she returned to her seat. Twilight continued to sit, quietly reading as the minutes ticked by in agonizing silence for Starlight.
“Do you know why I was in Canterlot?” Starlight looked up, but Twilight still had her nose in the book. Her voice was calm, too calm for Starlight's comfort.
“No,” she admitted.
“Princess Celestia asked me to come and give assurances that your recent... setback wasn't a sign of a more serious problem. She wanted to take you away and have your mental state evaluated in case you were still a danger to other ponies.” Starlight flinched, but didn't say anything. Twilight continued in the same calm, emotionless voice, but the book she held shook slightly.
“It took all my efforts to persuade her your actions were just an unfortunate mistake. You owe Princess Luna a big thank you by the way, I doubt I could have convinced Princess Celestia without her help.”
“Princess Luna?” Starlight asked in confusion, hoping for more information, but Twilight just nodded and gave a affirmatory ‘mmm’.
“Why didn't you let her take me?” Starlight couldn't think of anything else to say, and a part of her really wanted to know.
“Because I'm not convinced you'd pass those evaluations, Starlight. And I'm not about to let my student get locked away, not when it isn't necessary. And now, you not only broke your promise to me, you also disobeyed me. Your thoughtlessness is getting out of control, and I...” Twilight's voice finally gained some heat at the end of her thoughts, but Starlight could tell she stopped herself before losing her temper.
“Well,” Twilight said, making Starlight jump as she closed the book with a loud snap. “I suppose I want to know what you think.” She calmly levitated the book down to the table and looked at Starlight for the first time since she confessed in the library. Starlight met her gaze, but all she saw there was quiet intensity. It didn't reassure her.
“You want to know what I think?”
“Yes, Starlight. What would you do?” Starlight just looked at her blankly until she continued. “What would you do with a student who refused to listen to you? That broke the trust you placed in them?” Starlight felt a chill run from the base of her horn all the way to the tip of her tail and shivered.
“What would you do with your student if she just did whatever she wanted without caring about the consequences?”
Starlight couldn't bear her gaze anymore, looking down at her hooves to try and gather her thoughts. She knew. She knew the answer to the question already. She knew it before Twilight had even asked, knew before she decided to follow the compass. She knew before she left through the portal, before she made her promise. She had known the answer to the question as soon as Twilight agreed to teach her about friendship, and the answer she had long dreaded had finally arrived.
She knew, but she couldn't bring herself to say it out loud. Instead she sat, quiet and still, trying her hardest to keep from bursting into tears. The minutes ticked by in silence, and the weight Starlight had been carrying around all day grew heavier and heavier.
“Starlight, please, answer my question,” Twilight finally spoke up, the vaguest hint of impatience in her voice.
“I-I-” Starlight tried to say, but her voice shook so hard with fear she couldn't continue. Swallowing her emotions as best she could, she tried again. “I-I wo-would, I-” Starlight swallowed once more, and took a deep breath before trying again.
“If I had a student who... who didn't listen to me, I... I would...” Taking another deep breath, Starlight looked Twilight straight in the eye. “I would get rid of her.” She tried to hold Twilight intense gaze, but her tears instantly blinded her. Starlight felt her last shred of confidence shatter, and buried her head into her hooves, sobbing into the table.
“A-and, she...I. I would deserve it! I'm a horrible student, and I'm sorry! I'm so sorry, Twilight, I deserve to be punished, but...” Starlight tried to look up at her teacher, but was unable to see her through her tears. “But, please, don't send me away!” She lowered her head again with a choked sob. “Please, don't get rid of me, I couldn't take it...”
An unbearable stillness settled over the kitchen, broken only by the sobs Starlight failed to choke down. Starlight's ears perked up as she heard her teacher... her former teacher stand up and walk towards her. Starlight stiffened up, unable to look at her, waiting to hear the words that would take away the only good she had left, the gift that she had taken for granted. The words telling her to get out, and never come back.
Instead, she felt a hoof run gently through her mane, an act she would normally find comforting, but now terrified her.
“Oh, Starlight,” Twilight said, and Starlight squeezed her eyes tightly shut. “It seems you not only need to learn more about friendship, but about being a teacher as well.”
Starlight slowly raised her head, a look of pure bafflement on her face.
“Wh-what?” She asked, wiping away her tears to better see her teacher. Twilight was looking at her with... sadness. Hurt, even. Her sadness was enough to still Starlight's tears, but the hurt made her nervous.
“Tell me something, Starlight. Do you know the most important thing about being a teacher?”
“N-no,” Starlight admitted, twisting in her chair so she could face her mentor.
“The single greatest thing a teacher needs to know is to never, ever, ever, ever give up on their students.” Twilight emphasized each ever with a poke to Starlight's chest. “If I sent you away, how would you ever learn the lesson?” Starlight stared into Twilight's eyes, her words starting to register to her.
“So... you're not sending me away?” Starlight asked, not even daring to hope.
“Never, Starlight.” Twilight rested her hoof on her student’s. “Not only would that make me a horrible teacher, but it would make me a horrible friend as well.”
Starlight swallowed down her swirling emotions and stood up from her chair, stepping down to stand in front of her friend, and buried her head into Twilight's chest. The remnants of her tears seeped into Twilight's coat, but she ignored it, too overwhelmed by her feelings.
“I'm so sorry Twilight,” she said, surprised by how clear her voice sounded. “Can you forgive me?” Twilight's strong hooves and soft wings wrapped her into a powerful embrace.
“Of course, Starlight, you're my friend.” As always, her mentor’s gentle voice soothed her anxiety, made her feel wanted. “And I'm sorry, too.”
“You’re sorry?” Starlight asked, pushing away from Twilight a little to look in her eyes in confusion.
“Yes,” Twilight answered, and Starlight could hear the sadness in her voice. “When I asked you what you would do with a disobedient student, I thought you would suggest an essay, or maybe doing all of Spike’s chores for a month, or even losing your magic for a while. It never even occurred to me to kick you out, and I'm sorry I didn't see how afraid you really were. Like I said, there are many important aspects to being a teacher, and I'm still learning what all of those are, just as you're still learning to be a student. Can you forgive me, Starlight?”
“I... yes, I forgive you, Twilight.”
“Good. But... you still need to be punished. So, you're doing Spike’s chores for the rest of the month along with your own. I want an essay completed next week about the value of promises between friends, you're writing an apology letter to Princess Celestia explaining why it was wrong to cast magic on others without permission, and you're writing a thank you letter to Princess Luna for sticking up for you.”
“And my magic...?” Starlight asked, unable to keep her apprehension out of her voice.
“You can keep that,” Twilight answered with a grin. “You've got enough work to do already.”
“Thank you,” Starlight said with relief. “Those are all more than reasonable.”
Twilight pulled Starlight back into another hug, and the two friends shared a moment of quiet together. Starlight reveled in the affection Twilight gave, but eventually, she pulled away from her embrace.
“So, what was that friendship lesson you wanted to do today?”
“Oh, right.” Twilight tilted her head in thought before a slow grin spread over her face. “You know what? I don't really want to do a friendship lesson.”
“You don't mean that!” Starlight gasped in mock horror before she grinned right back.
“It's the truth, I've had more than enough serious business for one day. So, what do you say we go to the library and work on trying to figure out this old spell I've been working on. Sunburst found some old spell scrolls in the Crystal Library that he couldn't get to work. If he made these translations properly, then it's apparently supposed to be some sort of invisibility spell. I think between the two of us, we can figure it out.”
“Sounds good to me,” Starlight said, then followed Twilight back to the library. As they walked, Twilight chatted on about the scrolls and the other possible magics they contained, but Starlight barely listened, something else troubling her thoughts.
Monday Night
Twilight worked her brush through her mane with her magic, gently easing loose any knots and tangles after her bath. She was peering through the notes she took during the days experiments with the invisibility spell. After over ten hours of testing, Starlight was able to turn her front hooves invisible for half a minute. That small success had been enough for the two mares, and they had called it a day.
As she moved on to her tail, a high pitched ring and vibration drew her attention to the journal on her nightstand. Cheered by the prospect of hearing from Sunset, Twilight levitated the book over with an eager grin. Flipping the book open, she turned to the page with glowing words emblazoned on it.
Hey! Twilight. I was wondering if Starlight was around?
‘Afraid not, she already called it a night. We had a crazy day of magic studies. Starlight did the heavy lifting tonight while I took notes, so she's pretty exhausted. I'd be surprised if she's even awake now.’
That's too bad, I was hoping to talk to her. I don't suppose she told you anything about her trip here?
‘Subtle. Yes she told me all about her misadventures while she was there. I hope you didn't have a hand in encouraging her.’
Of course not, I didn't even know she could find her other self until I found her. Try and go easy on her, okay?
‘Good, I'm glad you're more sensible than she is. As for her punishment, that's between me and her. She not only disobeyed me, she broke a promise. I can't just wave that away.’
Fair enough, I suppose. I guess I'm just worried about her. I mean, finding out another version of yourself committed suicide has to mess with anyone's head.
Twilight felt a chill settle across her back. She read and reread Sunsets words, convinced she was misunderstanding her.
‘What do you mean suicide?’
I thought you said Starlight told you what happened?
‘She didn't mention anything about her human self being dead, and if you don't start explaining right now, I'm going through the portal and hunting you down. Starlight might not tell me, but I know you will!’
Alright, alright! I found her Friday afternoon standing over her own grave. Sort of, you know what I mean. I did some research and found out her other self committed suicide when she was little more than a child. And I'm done talking about this, if you want more information, talk to Starlight, okay? I already feel bad I let her secret slip, I'm not breaking her trust any more than I have to.
‘And the photograph she showed me?’
I got it while doing my research. Now please, no more questions. Talk to Starlight.
‘Alright, I guess that will have to do. Thanks for telling me what you could, Sunset. Good night.’
Good night, Princess Twilight.
Twilight slowly shut the journal and levitated it back to her nightstand. Idly, she began running her brush through her tail once more. She stared at her reflection in her mirror, lost inside her own thoughts.
