Hello Ma'am
The moon was held high up in the sky, shining down upon a lonely Twilight as she prepared her morning checklist by the window. Every so often, she would gaze upon the stars above, deep in wonder and thought.
She was alone in the library, Spike having spent the last few summer nights sleeping over with the Cutie Mark Crusaders at their clubhouse. Recently, Spike had managed to form a deeper relationship with Sweetie Belle, though she wasn't entirely certain if it was a romantic relationship, or if they were simply very good friends. Either way, she was proud of him.
But with him gone, Twilight found herself with plenty of free time. Too much free time. It had gotten to the point where she would number and catalog everything that she could. For instance, did you know that the library had exactly 283,507 leaves, as of midday? That is greatly less than a usual tree, which has over 300,000 leaves. That information was verified by Twilight herself, though she figured that the lower leaf count was due to the fact that the tree had been converted into a functional home and library, and not that the tree was unhealthy.
She finally finished her checklist, detailing all of her early morning tasks. While the list itself wasn't that long, it only covered the early morning hours, specifically between 7:00 and 9:00 AM.
With a yawn, Twilight stood up and began to make her way toward the stairs leading up to her warm bed. Before she was able to reach the final step, she was interrupted by a loud knock on the door.
"Who could that be? Don't they realize how late it is?" Said Twilight, slightly irritated at getting interrupted so late in the night.
Twilight opened the door with her magic, and was surprised to see a pizza delivery mare standing on the other side.
"Hello ma'am, I have a pizza delivery for I.C. Wiener." Spoke the mare, who was wearing a dark uniform that masked her true identity. However, while her visual features may have been hidden, her voice was still very distinctive.
"Rainbow Dash, what in Equestria are you doing? I never ordered a pizza. Also, since when do you deliver pizzas?"
"Look ma'am, somepony ordered a pizza, and I've got this address. So, pay up."
Twilight stared at Rainbow Dash, her expression a mix between flatness and anger.
"Rainbow, cut it out." Twilight began. "Besides, you know as well as I do that I spent all of my bits on that thing the other day."
"Yes, that thing was a pretty awesome thing, but I still need to get paid." Rainbow said. She had a quill in her mouth, and was scribbling onto a blank piece of paper that remained blank, due to the lack of available ink.
"I have no bits, Rainbow Dash."
Rainbow couldn't help but to smirk. This was way too easy, and it actually kind of worried her, as things never seemed to go according to plan. At least, not when she was the one doing the planning.
Looking up at Twilight, Rainbow Dash spoke in a tone that she had hoped would be seductive, though in reality, it just came out as a tad creepy.
"You know, we could work out an alternative form of payment. I'd even throw in a pie, if you know what I mean."
Unfortunately, Twilight had absolutely no idea what she meant. She kept trying to analyze the situation, but no matter how many times she calculated potential hiding locations, she just couldn't quite figure out where Rainbow Dash could be hiding a full sized pie. At least, not in addition to the pizza, that she presumed was in the large box sitting on Rainbow's back.
"I suppose I could give you the new Daring Do novel as an alternative form of payment, though I don't believe it would cover the pie as well. It isn't valuable enough." Said Twilight as she turned around to go and find the latest Daring Do novel, which had only released just the other day.
Rainbow Dash, who was once standing in the doorway, began doing back flips and cartwheels in the air, somehow managing to hold the pizza box securely on her back. However, she soon found herself with conflicted emotions. On one hoof, Daring Do was awesome. On the other hoof, she didn't come here for Daring Do. She came her to do.
"While that's awesome and all Twi, I kinda had other things in mind." Said Dash as she followed Twilight into the library, knowing that she could just get the book another time. Still, she really wanted that book, so much so that she even began to question her own motives. "Was it truly worth it? Should I just get the book and bolt?" Thought Rainbow Dash.
"Oh, like what?" Spoke Twilight, snapping the blue pegasus away from her thoughts.
"We could do something together." Rainbow Dash said, winking with her eye, and giving Twilight a sultry look. She failed, of course; but that didn't stop her from trying.
"Sure, I suppose we could do something together. Did you have anything in mind?" Asked Twilight, completely oblivious.
"Well, we could always go and play a physical game on your bed." Replied Rainbow, once again trying to sound moderately sexy, and once again failing.
By this point, Twilight was beginning to clue in. She knew what Rainbow Dash wanted. And you know what? She kinda sorta wanted it too.
“Fine. Lead the way to the room that has my bed in it so we can play games that may or may not involve sexy fun times.” Said the studious mare to her blue blur of a friend.
And as if by magic, they appeared in the room without any sort of continuation from one paragraph to the next.
“Huh? How did we… Wait, whatever. So, do you like, want your pie now?” Spoke the blue pegasus, who was still for some unknown reason carrying the obviously fake pizza box upon her back.
“My pie? Uh, are you certain you even know what that entails, Rainbow Dash?”
“Come on, Twilight. I’m not a foal. I know what creampies are.”
“Yes, so tell me, miss not a foal; where exactly is your equipment?”
“My equipment?” Asked the pegasus with a smirk upon her face. “You mean, like this thing right here? BAM!”
Rainbow Dash stood upon her two hind legs, spreading them as wide as possible, allowing for Twilight to easily see exactly what her blue friend was hiding.
“There’s nothing there.”
The smirk left her face.
“Huh, what do you mean… WHAT?! What the buck, where’s my twenty inch cock?!” Asked the confused pegasus.
“Rainbow, this isn’t a futa fic—”
“Shut up!”
“Right, so… Are you still interested in rutting me?”
“No. I mean, yes. But, I don’t know Twilight. I’m not really into mares, ya know? I kinda expected to have some kind of dick or something. Look, I’m just gonna go, okay? Forget this ever happened.” Rainbow Dash left the library in a flash, leaving behind a very confused and very sexually deprived Twilight Sparkle.
“What just happened?”