After being given sweets by a local candymaker, foals start to behave weirdly. Soon, Ponyville is doomed.
Deep in her basement, Bon Bon prepares her evil plan. Soon, legions of foals controlled by magical candies sweep across Equestria. Only one... Only eleven ponies can stop the madness. But will they manage to do that in time? Or will we wake up overwhelmed by candy zombies?
One thing is sure: life will never be the same again.
Warning: The fic contains over-the-top gore, black humour, and way too many references.
Bon Bon took a hoofful of red candies and tossed them into the depths of the basement. Standing in the safe distance, she listened to the hisses, screams and smacks. Finally, the noises silenced. Bon Bon smiled uncontrollably, feeling that her mind became filled with images. The darkness was no longer an obstacle. Through the eyes of her minions she could see as easily as if it was day.
“Lyra! Can you come to the basement for a minute?” Bon Bon shouted.
“In a while!” Lyra replied. Soon, Bon Bon heard her trotting. The door to the basement opened and Lyra joined Bon Bon next to an iron barrier dividing the cellar into two parts. “I just finished rebuilding our old radio,” she said. “It now picks up even the weakest signals...”
“Cool,” Bon Bon muttered without any trace of emotion, avoiding Lyra’s gaze. “Can you, please, stand behind the barrier?” she asked. “I need to check something.”
“Sure,” Lyra replied. She climbed on the barrier and jumped to the floor on the other side of it. “It’s kinda dark here...”
“Don’t light up your horn,” Bon Bon said. “And walk a bit deeper into the room...”
“Are you sure?” Lyra asked. “It’s kinda creepy in here...”
“Don’t worry,” Bon Bon replied, clenching her hooves on a barrier. “Soon it’ll be over...”
Suddenly, Lyra tripped and fell in the darkness. “I’m okay!” she shouted back to Bon Bon. “I’m okay... I’m... Okay?”
Then Lyra screamed. Bon Bon gritted her teeth – any feelings she had towards her marefriend had disappeared long ago, replaced by thoughts about power, but still it was difficult to listen to that calmly. Lyra continued to scream. She was screaming louder and louder, making Bon Bon think that soundproofing the whole basement was a good idea. Finally, some merciful pair of teeth ripped Lyra’s trachea out of her neck and screams changed into gurgling and gagging, punctuated by the sounds usually associated with a herd of hyenas.
Finally, everything went silent. Bon Bon lowered her head. “I’m sorry, Lyra,” she said. “I hope you’ll understand that I sacrificed you for bigger ideas... SUCH AS UNLIMITED POWER!” She threw her head backwards and started to laugh madly, only to start to cough when she choked on her saliva.
There were lots of things about being a supervillain that Bon Bon had yet to learn.
“It’s good that ya decided to help me with that, sugarcube,” Applejack said, watching Fluttershy struggling with an apple cart.
“Oh, it’s not a problem,” Fluttershy replied, panting. “Granny Smith asked me to do it...”
“She hopes ya and Big Mac will give ‘er grandfoals...” Applejack muttered. She shuddered, remembering a large “Fluttershy vs. Cheerilee” chart she once found in Granny’s room, containing pros and cons of Big Macintosh marrying each of the mares. Little she knew that her chart consisted of two sheets of A2 paper and included, among the others, Caramel, Thunderlane, Bulk Biceps, Braeburn, and Rainbow Dash (her name stroked out, with “Sadly, not a fillyfooler” written in red ink above it).
“What?” Fluttershy asked.
“N-nothing, sugarcube,” Applejack replied quickly. “Ah just thought that we should find Big Mac to pull that cart for us. Ya can’t overexert herself...”
“That’d be nice...” Fluttershy admitted, looking at the sky. It was a bright, sunny day. There wasn’t a single cloud on the sky. A couple of young pegasi were just flying above the sky in formation. Applejack was about to go and find Big Macintosh, when she noticed that the pegasi dived towards them.
“I wonder what do they want...” Fluttershy muttered.
Fluttershy liked foals. She didn’t want to have kids on her own yet, but she was always happy to help them.
Applejack, on the other hoof, always thought that foals were like farts. They were fine, as long as they were her own. Having to be around other ponies’ foals was a nuisance.
That was probably what saved her life. When the first pegasus, who looked conspicuously similar to Rumble, approached her, she instantly noticed his teeth – teeth no foal and no adult pony should have, suitable rather for drawing blood than munching hay. Applejack reacted instinctively – she dodged him and slammed his wing when he was flying past her. He didn’t manage to pull up in time – instead, he rammed into the ground and skid to a halt few feet from shocked Fluttershy.
Before Applejack could say something, she was attacked by another small pegasus. This time, she was prepared – she bucked the pegasus, sending him towards the ground with cracked ribs. She turned around and saw that two other pegasi were attacking Fluttershy, trying to sink their teeth in her body.
“C’mon, Fluttershy!” Applejack yelled, running towards her. “Buck ‘em where it hurts!”
“Eep!” Fluttershy screamed, dodging the pegasus clumsily. Applejack shook her head and ran towards her, taking her lasso from the cart. When the attacker gained altitude and started to dive at Fluttershy again, the lasso wrapped around his leg. Applejack yanked the rope, directing the foal into a nearby barn. He hit the wooden wall, leaving a pony-shaped hole in it. Then Applejack rammed into the last of the pegasi, knocking him out.
“What in tarnation was that?” she asked.
Fluttershy didn’t answer, too busy hyperventilating. “W-what did you do?” she asked finally. “T-they were foals...”
“Ah’m not sure anymore...” Applejack muttered, watching the unconscious pegasus. Then she raised her head. “Horseapples...”
They were surrounded by another dozen of foals – this time they were earth ponies and unicorns. All of them were staring blankly at them, drooling and walking staggeringly towards them.
“W-what do you want?” Fluttershy asked. She was at the verge of tears; she wanted to run away or fight, but she couldn’t just hit a foal.
“Brainsss...” was the crowd’s reply.
“Typical,” Applejack muttered. “Just when Ah thought y’all were changelings, ya just haveta be zombies...”
“I thought zombies didn’t exist...” Fluttershy muttered, cowering on the ground.
“As ya can see, sugarcube, they do...” Applejack replied, bracing herself as the foals were approaching them.
“But how’d it happen?” Fluttershy asked. “Who could change foals into zombies?”
“No time for that!” Applejack exclaimed, punching the foal that charged at her, hissing and spitting some green substance. “We need to fight ‘em!”
Fluttershy took off, letting a small filly run below them. Several pegasi joined the group attacking them, trying to pin her to the ground. One of them, a filly she knew as Tornado Bolt, caught her mane and opened her mouth to sink her teeth in her skull.
Applejack wasted no time. She grabbed a stone from the ground and threw it at Tornado Bolt. The pegasus went limp when the stone hit her temple and fell under the hooves of her companions who trampled her. Fluttershy’s face went pale.
Applejack turned around and bucked blindly, sending the nearest foal flying. He hit the apple tree about twenty feet away with a sound suggesting lots of broken bones and possibly multiple internal injuries.
Fluttershy froze, seeing that Applejack was preparing to kick another of the little assailants. "You can't kick them like that!" she exclaimed. "Sure, they were trying to eat our brains, but they're foals! There has to be a way to turn them back to normal!"
Applejack shook her head and grabbed a nearby filly, pinning her to the ground. "Listen, sugarcube..." she muttered. "My friend here says that we may heal ya." She thought for a moment. "Ah've read about it in one book and Ah hope it'll work. Now Ah'll count to three and tap your head... After that y'all should be a cute little filly again, instead of bein' the bloodthirsty varmint ya are now... One... Two..." On "three" Applejack lowered her hoof quickly.
Fluttershy screamed when it connected with the filly's skull. She covered her mouth with her hoof and staggered. A bunch of foals took advantage of it and attacked her from behind, sinking their sharp teeth in her wings, trying to tear off as much flesh as they could.
"Ah'm sorry, sugarcube, it didn't work," Applejack muttered, scraping some sticky substance off of her hoof and looking at it with a mix of disgust and fascination. "By the way, is brain supposed to be green and glowin'?" She looked around. “Sugarcube? Whoa Nelly!”
She ran to Fluttershy, ramming into the foals trying to stop her. She broke somepony’s teeth and trampled poor Tornado Bolt again, snapping her spine in two. Finally, she reached the ponies piling on the top of Fluttershy and started to punch them mercilessly. She noticed that there was no blood in their bodies – their veins were filled with some weird, slightly acidic goo. Before she reached Fluttershy, the fur on her forelegs was charred, but Applejack didn’t care. She grabbed Fluttershy’s tail with her teeth and dragged her to the barn, locking the door.
There was, of course, a half-conscious zombie lying there on the floor, with lasso wrapped around one of his legs. Applejack tied the other end of the lasso to one of the pillars, in case he’d wake up. Then she went back to Fluttershy, who opened her eyes and looked around groggily.
“I can’t... feel... my wings...” Fluttershy whispered, panting.
Applejack looked at her and sighed. “Do ya want bad news or good news first, sugarcube?” she asked.
“Good...” Fluttershy muttered.
“Your wings ain’t gonna hurt no more... Same with the right hind leg and...” Applejack took a closer look, furrowing her eyebrows. “Seems like a half of the right kidney.”
Fluttershy hissed. “Do you think I’ll become a zombie myself?” she asked. “You’ll have to kill me as soon as I start to transform...”
“Ah wonder how do ya know all those cliches...” Applejack muttered, listening to the foals banging against the door and the walls of the barn and hoping that the building was sturdy enough to withstand it. “When we watched zombie movies, y’all always were hiding in the bathroom...”
“I’ve read... the spoilers...” Fluttershy muttered, rolling on her back.
“Well, too bad ya can’t read the spoilers to this here situation...” Applejack said, looking around, trying to find the way out.
“In Killer Beavers from Outer Space...” Fluttershy paused to catch a breath. “That shy filly... dies at the end...”
“Hey, Ah haven’t seen that movie!” Applejack exclaimed. “Ya know Ah don’t like spoilers, Fluttershy... Fluttershy? Fluttershy!” She ran to Fluttershy only to find out that her body was limp; her empty eyes were now looking at the ceiling.
Equestria had seen various kinds of rage. It is said that when Tirek was first defeated, his scream caused the ground to crack, thus creating Ghastly Gorge. Applejack’s scream didn’t manage that. However, the low-flying barn door turned out to be quite deadly, changing at least twenty zombies into a bloody, unrecognisable pulp, before Applejack finally thrashed it to pieces. This, however, wasn’t enough to satisfy her. Her mind went blank, focused only on tearing off limbs, gouging eyes, and avoiding the streams of green acid. She’d never studied anatomy, but she was a quick learner; after a few first zombies she knew exactly where to hit to achieve the best results, such as choking an opponent with his own pancreas, or beating somepony to death with a femur. Only when she collapsed in the middle of the pile of bodies, she felt that her revenge was complete.
“Applejack?” she heard Rainbow Dash’s voice above her. “Are you okay?”
Applejack slowly opened her eyes. “Fluttershy...” she muttered.
Rainbow Dash either didn’t hear, or she didn’t seem to care. “There are underaged zombies running all over the place!” she exclaimed. “I’ve never known there’s so many kids in Ponyville! And I can’t find Scootaloo in this madness!”
Applejack got up, shuddering. “Apple Bloom!” she shouted. “Where is she?”
“Eat this, ya rotten core!” Apple Bloom exclaimed, whacking some colt with a cricket bat while they rode past him. Scootaloo was flapping her wings like crazy, trying to avoid ramming her scooter into scattered debris or bodies lying on the ground.
“I know him,” Sweetie Belle muttered, watching the colt slowly getting up. “He was trying to invite me for a milkshake...”
“Scootaloo, can y’all go back there? I wanna whack him once more...” Apple Bloom said. “Also, tryin’?”
“Rarity always says that a lady shouldn’t be cheap,” Sweetie Belle explained.
“I’m not going back there,” Scootaloo muttered through gritted teeth. “One of those guys wanted to rip my heart out. You know, the one who kept saying ‘Kali-ma!’”
“Ah’d like to remind ya that he won’t threaten us anymore, since Ah hit him with this...” Apple Bloom said, swinging the cricket bat. “By the way, did somepony know him?”
“Nope,” Scootaloo replied. “I guess some of them are not from here.”
“Good,” Apple Bloom muttered, swinging her bat at a zombie trying to catch them. Some acid and vitreous fluid sprayed on her. “Ah’d feel awkward if Ah had to beat somepony Ah used to know...”
“That was Snips, actually...” Sweetie Belle said, watching the colt who was now trying to gather the remains of his eyeball.
“Meh,” Apple Bloom replied.
Some houses were already on fire. Several of the ponies were still fighting with zombies. Many of them were already ripped apart or half-eaten. Scootaloo was doing her best to not focus on the views, but a few times she felt her stomach twist when she rested her eyes on a body for too long. “Six zombies on 12 o’clock...” she muttered.
“What will we do?” Apple Bloom asked. “Ah can’t reach ‘em from here...”
“Maybe we can use that cart and those planks that coincidentally look like a ramp?” Sweetie Belle asked.
Scootaloo flapped her wings even harder. She turned towards the ramp, clenching her hooves on the handlebars.
“Weeeee!” Sweetie Belle shouted when they took off into the air. Some pegasus tried to tackle them, but a short and painful contact with Apple Bloom’s bat sent him spinning towards the fence of a nearby building.
“Eww...” Sweetie Belle shuddered. “He got impaled on it...”
“Not my fault...” Apple Bloom said innocently. “He shouldn’t have eaten those candies...”
“Who even put them there?” Sweetie Belle asked. “It isn’t normal when somepony puts some candies in random places in the town and when you eat them, you become all zombie-thingy...”
“You should be happy that we stopped you, or we’d have to kill you...” Scootaloo muttered.
“Hey!” Sweetie Belle exclaimed. “We agreed to never talk about Diamond Tiara again!”
“We should,” Apple Bloom said grimly. “Or ya may get issues. Applejack says that Rarity has issues...”
“What? My sister doesn’t have any issues! I was looking for them recently and I found none!” Sweetie Belle exclaimed.
Apple Bloom facehoofed. Scootaloo only sighed and decided to focus on finding the way around the makeshift barricades. Those of Ponyville citizens who hadn’t eaten candies were surprisingly effective in building them. Usually, however, after they finished building one, zombies were right behind their backs.
The scooter reached Sweet Apple Acres. They could hardly see anything due to a large cloud of dust around one of the barns. From time to time mangled bodies of zombified foals were hitting the ground around them.
“We’d better go to the clubhouse...” Scootaloo said. “It’s not safe here...”
“What about Applejack?” Apple Bloom asked. “We can’t leave her there!”
With a loud thud, a body landed in front of them, causing Scootaloo to brake hard. One look revealed the distinctive hoofprints on its head.
“I have a feeling that Applejack is doing great,” Scootaloo deadpanned. “Let’s get outta here...”
They darted forward towards their clubhouse. They didn’t go far, when they saw that they were being chased – this time not only by foals but also by some adult zombies. Apple Bloom noticed Lily running away from Roseluck and Daisy, screaming, “the horror! The horror!” before she tripped, allowing them to catch her. It seemed, however, that despite being transformed, Roseluck and Daisy remembered that Lily was their friend – they mercifully snapped her neck before proceeding to eat her.
Scootaloo, Apple Bloom, and Sweetie Belle finally got to their clubhouse. They quickly climbed to it and took the ladder with them. Then they started to look for slingshots and a catapult they had once built – they were safe from the unicorns and earth ponies, but since there were also pegasi among the group, they had to be ready for a sudden air strike.
Suddenly, Sweetie Belle collapsed on the floor, her eyes focused on some point at least a thousand yards from her. "Good thing we didn't eat those candies..." she muttered unconsciously. "I... I had to mercy kill Diamond Tiara..."
Scootaloo shook her head. "Sweetie, you smashed her head with a cobblestone... I wouldn't call it 'mercy'..."
"Hey!" Sweetie Belle exclaimed, shaking off and getting up. "She wanted to stick a straw up my nose and drink my brain! I feel justified..."
"Girls, stop!" Apple Bloom shouted, looking through the window at the crowd of foals approaching them. "Also, Scootaloo, Ah'd like to remind ya that ya snapped Silver Spoon's neck..."
"She didn't even eat the candies!"
"Details," Scootaloo muttered.
“Such ‘details’ may help us survive!” Apple Bloom exclaimed. “Who knows, maybe after Sweetie killed Diamond, Silver would become our friend?”
“Are you going to remind me about that for the rest of my life?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“Don’t worry, Sweetie,” Scootaloo said, looking through the window. “It won’t last long... Ten minutes, maybe twelve before they figure out how to climb here.”
“What?” Sweetie exclaimed.
“They’re making a ladder out of Lily’s intestines.”
“Horseapples!” Apple Bloom shouted, slamming her hoof against the floor. “We’re gonna die because of her!”
“It’s not her fault.” Scootaloo sighed. “She was born that way. With guts inside and so on...”
For a moment, they stood in silence.
“Scootaloo...” Sweetie Belle said. “Before we die, I want to tell you something...”
Scootaloo’s heart fluttered in her chest. “Yes?”
"I'm the one who ate all your ice cream last Hearts and Hooves Day."
"Oh," Scootaloo said flatly.
Sweetie stifled a sob. "And I'm also the one who popped your Rainbow Dash balloon doll, but it was an accident, I swear!"
"That's okay, Sweetie."
"And, just after you were born, I lured your parents out into the Everfree Forest, knocked them out, tied them up, and let timberwolves eat them alive while I watched from a tree and touched myself."
“Sweetie, weren’t ya a bit too young for that?” Apple Bloom asked.
“For what?” Sweetie Belle asked, ignoring Scootaloo, who was standing in the middle of the clubhouse, staring blankly into space. “I’ve read a book Rarity gave me. Foals touch themselves, then they stop and start again when they’re teenagers. There’s nothing bad about that.”
“Ah mean... The tying and luring stuff...”
“Well...” Sweetie Belle backpedalled. “It was... a really bad witch who lived in the Everfree Forest made me do that!”
Scootaloo blinked and turned to Sweetie Belle, piercing her with her gaze. “Witch, right... There’s still evil in you!”
“Why so dramatic out of the sudden?” Apple Bloom asked.
“What you do when we have sleepovers...” Scootaloo continued, poking Sweetie’s chest with her hoof. “It creeps me out, okay? Stop doing that.”
Sweetie’s face became pale. “I don’t– Err... What exactly do you mean?”
“Don’t pretend you don’t know!” Scootaloo exclaimed. “I asked Rainbow Dash and she said that I shouldn’t let anypony do that to me when I don’t want it...”
“Geez, Scoots...” Apple Bloom muttered, throwing a firework into a crowd of zombies. “We’re about to be eaten and ya throw a tantrum over some flank massages?”
Scootaloo looked at Apple Bloom, raising her eyebrows. “I’ve never said anything about flank massages...”
“Umm...” Apple Bloom scratched her head. “Ah think we may get out of here...”
“Don’t change the topic!” Scootaloo exclaimed. “Why am I even friends with you?”
“Chill out, Scoots...” Apple Bloom said, wrapping her hoof around Scootaloo. “Ya know... I lost mah parents too... When Ah was a foal, somepony lured them into the forest, tied them up and let timberwolves eat them...”
Apple Bloom and Scootaloo looked at each other. Then they looked at Sweetie Belle. “Ah really have a plan how to get outta here,” Apple Bloom muttered. “But only two of us will live, while the third sacrifices themselves...”
“You know, AB?” Scootaloo asked, piercing Sweetie with her gaze. “I think we have a volunteer...”
“Umm...” Sweetie Belle smiled in the cutest way she could muster. “Don’t do anything you’ll regret later...” She backpedalled only to shudder, when her flank touched the wall of the clubhouse. “I’m sure somepony else survived and will save us...”
In Which Silver Spoon Finds Button's Fetishes Awful
“So, who’d fight better against aliens? Radiance or Fili-Second?” Button Mash asked.
“Radiance,” Twist replied. “She’d be able to build a shield protecting Maretropolis from lasers.”
“Meh,” Button said. “Fili-Second would defeat aliens before they even appeared.”
“Yeah, right... And maybe she’d manage to buy a cake at the same time?” Twist muttered, taking a sip of orange juice and looking around Button’s room. There were lots of games there as well as toys and action figures, but what really made Twist come to Button was his large, some would say enormous, collection of comic books, which he of course called “graphic novels.”
“Admit it,” Button said. “Fili-Second is just better.”
“Said the guy who wrote a shipfic with Hum Drum and Radiance’s little sister.”
Button’s face became pale. “H-how do you know?”
Twist shook her head. “You shouldn’t have given it to Silver Spoon.”
“She likes that pairing...” Button muttered.
“Yes, but she finds your fetishes awful...” Twist replied. “Really, Button? Really?”
“Hey, ponies do that...” Button reached for the candies standing on the table. Before he could take one, Twist grabbed his hoof.
“Where did you get them?” she asked.
“Umm... I’m not sure,” Button muttered, scratching his head. “I think your sister gave them to me...”
“Don’t eat them!” Twist exclaimed. She grabbed the candies, opened the window and threw them away.
“Why not?” Button asked. “I’ve heard that your sister eats foals, but I always thought that it’s an urban legend. Like in that Power Ponies story about tentacled monsters in the sewers...”
“It was an unofficial story. Doujinshi, as they call it in Neighpon. Silver Spoon wrote the script.” Twist said. “The thing is...”
“Silver?!” Button exclaimed. “And you say my fetishes are weird?”
“Shut up, Button. The thing is, my sister’s been weird recently. She still mutters something about zombies. She sits in the basement all the time, making experiments on foals she kidnaps from the orphanage... I think there may be something wrong about those candies...”
“Like, the fact that Tootsie Flute just bit through Pipsqueak’s carotid artery to get those you threw away?” Button asked, looking through the window.
Twist froze. “So, it began...” she muttered. At the same moment, a dramatic thunder roared behind the window.
“What began?” Button asked, his eyes still focused on Pipsqueak, who was slowly bleeding out in front of his house, while Tootsie Flute bounced away with the candies in her mouth.
Twist looked deeply into his eyes. Just when he started to worry about her, she spoke, “There’s a reason why I don’t eat candies my sister offers to me. There’s a reason why I prefer not to bond with other ponies. There’s a reason I carry this in my saddlebags...” She went to her saddlebags and took something from them. When Button looked at it, his eyes widened in awe.
“What’s this?” he asked.
“It’s my death ray,” Twist replied. “I made it out of empty beer cans, lego bricks, some crystals I bought from Sweetie Belle for Lyra’s stash of hentais, old electronics, and rubber bands. By the way, do you have some rubber bands? They tend to snap when it overheats...”
“There should be some in the drawer,” Button replied. “M-may I ask you a question?”
“You just did,” Twist said. “But yes, you can ask a question.”
“If you knew that your sister was going to do something funny with those candies, why didn’t you tell anyone?”
“And lose an occasion to stop her and save the world?” Twist asked, checking out the trigger of her death ray. Then she took a piece of wire and connected the weapon to her glasses.
“Umm... Isn’t it a bit sociopathic?” Button asked unsurely. “Like, if you told somepony, we’d stop her long time ago...”
“Meh,” Twist muttered. “Have you ever seen a comic like that? A villain must do something villainous before they’re stopped. Otherwise they’re not a villain.”
Button nodded. He couldn’t argue with that logic. “What’s that for?” he asked, pointing at the wire connecting the death ray with Twist’s glasses.
“Automatic aiming system,” Twist replied. “A special sensor looks for the traces of chemicals my sister used in her candies, thus labelling zombies and helping me shoot at them.” She looked at Button. “Do you have anything you can use as a weapon?”
“Umm...” Button went to his bed and took a guitar from under it. “Will it do?”
Twist facehoofed. “My sister is not Tirek, Button,” she said. “She can decline a rock-off challenge...”
Button shrugged and took the guitar anyway. After all, it could be useful. For example, he could play a funeral march if things went wrong.
“Okay,” Twist said. “Now we only have to get to my sister’s house. No fighting with zombies, no side quests... We need to stop her.”
Button heard something clicking in his head. It was probably his common sense. “Wait... Maybe it’d be safer if we stayed here? I guess Twilight Sparkle and her friends are on it...”
“Do you want to be a hero?” Twist asked. “Remember that the heroes get all the fillies...”
Button’s common sense gave up. “Mom!” he shouted. “We’re going for a walk!”
“Okay,” Button’s mom said. “Watch out for those weird ponies outside. They didn’t seem friendly.”
“I know, mom...” Button said and followed Twist.
“Nopony in sight...” Twist muttered, looking around. “By the way, the HUD in my glasses also records your blood pressure, so I know that you’re staring at my flank right now...”
“Sorry...” Button replied, trying to look somewhere else.
“No problem,” Twist said. “We have only twenty percent chance of surviving, so you can stare if you want...”
Button ducked immediately. A laser bolt flew inches from his head, and hit a zombie who was just about to bite his head off. The zombie exploded, which wasn’t unusual, since all the water in their cells changed into steam in a split second.
“Who was that?” Button muttered, realising that his coat was now full of some bloody chunks. He fought an urge to vomit. After all, if they managed to survive, he’d surely deserve a kiss.
“Not sure...” Twist muttered. “It’s hard to guess from those pieces... But I know her...” She pointed at a filly who was quickly approaching. Button looked at her and thought that she still looked cute, despite having a pair of enormous fangs and a set of nasty-looking wounds oozing green goo.
He didn’t have time to stare at her for too long. Another shot from Twist’s death ray cooked her brain, causing her skull to explode. The rest of the body tried to charge at them anyway, only to be blown to pieces by the second shot.
With a wet “splash!”, something hit the ground in front of Button. He looked at it and realised that it was a really healthy-looking liver. Then he started to think how many games he could buy if he managed to bring it to the hospital.
“I’ve never liked her,” Twist said, blowing smoke off of her death ray. “She said my glasses looked stupid.”
Button’s trail of thoughts changed. Now he was thinking about all things he’d ever told Twist. He hoped that none of them were offensive. He really liked his flank and didn’t want it to be evaporated.
On their right, something exploded. Twist looked there and saw one of the houses engulfed in lavender flames. Another spell barely missed some small zombie running away and set another building on fire.
“Seems that Twilight is on it,” Button said. “Hey, Twist! What are you doing?”
“I’m not going to let her steal my kill...”
Tootsie Flute looked around. Then she looked into the candy bucket hanging from her neck. Candies she’d gotten from Pipsqueak were inside. Lots of candies. Pipsqueak didn’t protest when she took them. He was only making funny noises trying to stop blood from flowing out of his neck.
She saw Twilight and Rarity following her. Twilight and Rarity were bad ponies. They wanted to steal her candies. They were setting houses on fire just to steal her candies. Tootsie Flute didn’t want anypony to put their hooves on her candies.
Tootsie Flute hid in the ruins, wondering where her friends were. Some of them went to Sweet Apple Acres, but Tootsie didn’t follow them; there were still plenty of candies she could collect in the town. Also, some ponies were still there.
There was only one thing Tootsie Flute liked more than candies. For some reason she didn’t exactly understand, she suddenly found that brains tasted really good. Pipsqueak’s brain was sweet, with a delicate scent of caramel. Berry Punch’s brain tasted like wine. Tootsie still was feeling a bit funny after eating it.
“She’s there!” she heard a voice behind her. She turned back to see a baby dragon running towards her. Spike. Tootsie really liked him. She was even going to send him a card on Heart’s and Hooves Day. She started to wonder what his brain tasted like. She looked at him in awe, watching him preparing to breathe fire at her.
Suddenly, Spike exploded, splattering gore around and leaving only a pair of smoking feet on the ground. Tootsie’s eyes widened. She felt that some remains of his brain matter landed on her face and started to lick them off. It tasted like wasabi.
The smoke dispersed and Tootsie saw Twist standing in front of her, staring at some strange-looking device she was holding in her hooves. She also saw Button Mash standing next to her, muttering something like “he got into your shooting line.”
Tootsie didn’t like Twist since that memorable Hearts and Hooves Day, when she’d stolen Truffle Shuffle from her. Of course, it didn’t take long before she got him back. After all, she managed to eat his cerebellum and half of his legs.
Now Twist was aiming her weapon at her. Before Tootsie could react, she pulled the trigger...
“Clop me...” Twist muttered, opening a small lid on the side of the death ray. “Button, can you give me a rubber band?”
“No time for that!” Button shouted, seeing Tootsie prancing towards them, showing all her teeth in a wide smile. He noticed a bucket full of candies on her neck. There were some green ones among the sea of red. One thing he knew for sure: he didn’t want to know what’d happen if she ate one of them. He grabbed Twist’s tail with his teeth and started to run away towards the HayDonald. The windows were smashed, but the building looked intact.
Tootsie was about to chase them, when she heard quick hoofsteps coming from her left. She turned her head there and saw Twilight Sparkle and Rarity running towards her, charging their horns.
Tootsie didn’t think for long. She grabbed a green candy with her teeth and crushed it with them. Her body started to shudder. Just when Twilight lowered her head to attack her, Tootsie suddenly vomited a few gallons of green acid. Most of it splashed on the alicorn’s shield, though some ricocheted, leaving a nasty scar on Rarity’s flank. Twilight darted to her right, colliding with Rarity and causing her to scream in pain. Before they managed to get up, Tootsie was running towards the HayDonald.
“Do you think we’re safe here?” Button asked, watching Twist as she removed the melted remains of a rubber band from the death ray and put on a new one.
“No, but it’s a perfect place to set a trap on her,” Twist replied, hiding behind the counter. “You’d better hide somewhere. If the ceiling collapses...”
“You know?” Button asked. “I just wanted to go to the toilet...”
“Seems that she’s not gonna hurry...” Twist muttered. “Do you want a roll in the hay?”
“What?” Button raised his eyebrows. He felt that it wasn’t the only thing that raised, but he preferred to keep that fact to himself.
“A roll in the hay...” Twist rolled her eyes. “We’re in the HayDonald, right? Do you know how they call a roll in the hay in Prance?”
“I’ll go to that toilet...” Button muttered. He trotted downstairs – due to lack of space, the toilet in Ponyville’s HayDonald was in the basement. He looked around, trying to be as quiet as possible. One of the stalls was locked. At first Button wanted to only use the urinal, but then he thought that it could be the only occasion to do all the kinds of businesses he could do there. He opened the door to the second stall and sat on the toilet.
Suddenly, somepony knocked at the stall door.
“Twist?” he asked. “Go and watch out for Tootsie! I can’t focus when you’re here!”
Somepony knocked at the stall wall. Button’s eyes widened. He looked at the wall unsurely and heard some heavy breathing coming from the other side. He also heard some wet sounds and scratching against the plywood. The stall wall started to lean towards him.
Button thought that it was a good idea to go to the toilet. Just at the moment when the plywood started to give up, his system decided that it was high time to drop some load to make escape easier. Button gulped and reached for the toilet paper. To his horror, he realised that there wasn’t any. Through the cracks in the stall wall he could see some enormous, grey matter trying to reach of him.
Whatever it was, it was wounded – part of its legs had been eaten, leaving only shards of bone. Button thought that even if they were healthy, the creature would find it hard to move – it was large and swollen, like some grotesque pony-shaped balloon.
The plywood wall finally gave up and Button saw the whole creature. “Oh, fuck me...” he muttered, thinking, a bit too late, that who knew, maybe it was the monster’s target. “Twist? Twist! Help!” He rolled off the toilet bowl just before a massive hoof smashed it to pieces, spraying him with what he hoped to be water.
The monster opened his mouth. It was much bigger than a pony’s mouth should be. The stench of rotting meat almost caused Button to lose his breakfast. He darted forward, sliding on wet tiles. “Twist!” he screamed, when a gigantic hoof stood on his tail and began to pull him slowly towards the mouth.
He heard quick hoofsteps and from his position on the floor he saw Twist’s legs. She stood in awe, her jaw dropping. “Truffle Shuffle!” she shouted. “I knew it was a good idea to dump you...”
“I can’t shoot him... I’m afraid I might hit you...” Twist said, lowering her death ray.
“Shoot!” Button screamed. “It’s better than dying that way...”
“Are you sure?” Twist asked, tears in her eyes.
“Yes!” Button replied. “He’s gonna digest me!”
Twist closed her eyes and aimed the death ray at Truffle Shuffle. Button wanted to point out that it would be easier to not accidentally shoot him if she opened them, but then he heard a faint sound of a snapping rubber band.
“Frak!” Twist exclaimed, looking at her useless weapon.
“I’m so dead...” Button muttered, feeling that Truffle Shuffle picked him up and was about to swallow him.
“Not yet!” Twist shouted. She grabbed the death ray and threw it at Truffle. He released Button and swallowed the weapon before Button hit the ground.
“Run!” Twist screamed. Button didn’t think twice. He darted forward, hearing some weird sounds behind his back; something between a hiccup and a leaking pipe. He looked at Twist and saw that she was also running away. He climbed upstairs behind her and tackled her just before Tartarus broke loose.
The explosion demolished half of the restaurant’s floor, broke the remains of the windows, knocked the table on Button’s head, and sprayed them both with Truffle’s entrails and their contents. They rolled on the floor, trying to shield themselves from debris.
Finally, everything silenced. Button slowly opened one eye and saw that Twist was still hugging him. Before he could react, she wrapped her hooves around him and kissed him. Suddenly, he felt very uncomfortable and started to regret that he didn’t take any clothes with him. He was sure he was poking her with it.
“We’re alive...” Twist whispered, smiling at him. “Oh Celestia...”
“Yeah... So, what now?” Button asked.
“You smell like shit...” Twist replied, scrunching her nose.
“Thanks...” Button deadpanned. “What are we gonna do now? We lost our death ray...”
Twist stood up, checking if she wasn’t wounded. Luckily, she was only slightly bruised. “I guess we’ll have to look for something... Maybe Pinkie Pie would lend us one of her devices?”
“Yeah...” Button muttered and looked through the window. “We’d better use the back door... Twilight Sparkle is still there...”
“Spike!” Twilight screamed, collapsing next to the dragon’s feet. She was sobbing openly, completely ignoring Rarity, who had her own problems.
“My flank!” Rarity cried. “I’m going to have a scar on my flank! This little brat burned off a half of my cutie mark! What will I do now?”
“Dunno, wear a dress?” Twilight shouted, banging her hoof against the ground. “Don’t you get it, Rarity? Spike’s dead!” She rolled on her back. “How am I supposed to send a letter to the Princess now?”
“No!” Rarity sobbed, burying her face in her hooves. “Now she can’t come to save us...”
“That’s why we need to do that ourselves,” said Twilight grimly, getting up from the ground. “We need to find the rest of the girls and figure out who is behind that infestation...”
“Yes, but... Where are they?” Rarity asked. “We can’t walk around the town looking for them... Those little curs can now spit acid...”
Suddenly, they heard a loud shriek, which ended with a sound of something heavy hitting the ground. They looked around and saw a pegasus flying over Sweet Apple Acres. The pegasus dived and soon reappeared, carrying a filly in their hooves. After reaching a high altitude, the filly plummeted to the ground. Twilight winced when she heard the sound a body makes when dropped from sufficiently large height to a sufficiently hard surface.
“I think we found Rainbow Dash...” Twilight muttered, seeing that the pegasus was diving once more.
“Maybe Applejack’s with her...” Rarity added.
“Hope that she wasn’t the first one to be dropped...” Twilight said. “You know, I wouldn’t want to face Applejack or Dash if they ate those candies...”
Rarity froze. For a while she just stood there, her eye twitching. “Sweetie Belle!” she screamed and darted forward towards Sweet Apple Acres.
In Which Twist Kicks Ass and Button Chews Bubblegum
Apple Bloom felt her blood flowing faster. She smirked bitterly and lowered her hooves, listening to the shrieks of the zombies mixing with Sweetie Belle’s squeals. Behind her, Scootaloo was flapping her wings as fast as she could, pulling them away from danger. The wind was ruffling Apple Bloom’s mane. She closed her eyes and focused on those delightful screams piercing the silence of the orchard. She lowered her hooves, giving out a small moan of pleasure.
“Apple Bloom!” Scootaloo exclaimed. “If you don’t stop touching yourself, I’m gonna disconnect the wagon and leave you behind!”
“Hey! Don’t ya tell me that her screams aren’t cute...” Apple Bloom said. “Ah’d like to look into her dead eyes when Ah finish, but ya can’t always get what ya want...”
“Eww...” Scootaloo muttered. “How can you do that? Sure, she killed our parents, but she was our friend!”
“C’mon, Scootaloo! Ah bet ya’d want to do that too...”
“Umm...” Scootaloo didn’t want to agree, but her wings were indeed getting a little stiff, making reaching her maximal speed nearly impossible. She didn’t exactly know what it meant, but it had happened before, usually when she was looking at one of her Rainbow Dash posters. She once told Rainbow Dash about it. Rainbow told her that it was normal and that she should come to her house once so they could work on it a bit.
“No time for ‘umms’,” Apple Bloom said. “They’re coming!”
Scootaloo flapped her wings harder, trying not to think how she wanted to come. Apple Bloom was right: even at the moment of her death, Sweetie Belle could be adorable. The scooter darted forward, leaving zombies in a cloud of dust. Apple Bloom lay back in the wagon, trying to get back into mood.
She, however, wasn’t able to do anything more than that. The scooter skid to a halt, almost causing her to fall out of the wagon. “What the hay?” she asked.
“Is it Button going with Twist to the Sugarcube Corner?” Scootaloo asked.
“What?” Apple Bloom exclaimed, getting up and wiping her hoof with her tail. “Ah need to tell Sweetie that he cheats on her!”
“I guess Sweetie won’t mind...” Scootaloo muttered, thinking about Sweetie Belle hanging on a rope from their clubhouse, like some grotesque pinata. “We kinda left her hanging...”
“But it doesn’t mean that...” Apple Bloom sighed. “Anyway, what is he thinking? The world around has fallen to horseapples and he’s going on a date with Twist?”
“You don’t like her because she got her cutie mark before you. Admit it.” Scootaloo rolled her eyes. “It seems that they’re not infected. Maybe we should team up with them?”
“Said the pony who snapped Silver Spoon’s neck...”
“Don’t be such a bully!” Scootaloo exclaimed. “Is it because I’m a pegasus?”
“No, it’s because ya are a dense pegasus,” Apple Bloom replied.
“Anyway, they’re not gonna live long,” Scootaloo said, pointing at Tootsie Flute, who was bouncing happily with a candy bucket in her teeth. She was a bit bigger than before and her eyes were glowing red, but somehow she still managed to be cute.
“There’s a dozen of zombies approaching us from behind and ya are staring at Tootsie Flute!” Apple Bloom exclaimed.
Scootaloo flapped her wings and darted forward, towards Sugarcube Corner.
Tootsie Flute gathered the candies lying on the ground and put them in her bucket. She looked at her loot and smiled. There were the red ones that could make other ponies join her, the green ones that could make her spit acid at bad ponies such as Twilight and Rarity, and yellow ones that were making her stronger. She trotted further towards the bakery and saw something that was even more interesting than candies.
Diamond Tiara was lying on the ground under one of the tables. Tootsie saw that somepony had smashed her skull with something heavy, causing her brain to flow out through her ears. Tootsie smiled – finally she didn’t have to bite through the layers of skin and bones to get to it. She trotted to Diamond Tiara and started to lick her brain from the floor. It tasted like cotton candy.
Suddenly, she heard a groan. She raised her head and saw that Silver Spoon was lying not far away from Diamond Tiara’s body. She’d just woken up and started to rub her neck.
“Damn you, Scootaloo...” Silver Spoon muttered. “You can’t even snap a pony’s neck...” She looked at Tootsie. “Hello,” she said. “Do you know if the spa is open? I need a massage...”
Tootsie gave out a groan and shrugged.
Silver Spoon stood up. “I don’t know what’s going on... Diamond suddenly went crazy... Sweetie Belle killed her... And I’m so hungry!”
Tootsie nodded and took a few of the red candies from her bucket. She gave them to Silver and went back to scraping Diamond Tiara’s brain off the floor.
“Are you sure they’re safe?” Silver Spoon asked, looking at the candies unsurely.
Tootsie Flute gave out an affirmative grunt.
“If you say so...” Silver Spoon unwrapped a couple of the candies and swallowed them. Suddenly, she heard the sound of flapping wings and saw Scootaloo and Apple Bloom approaching her. She looked at the floor and picked up a spoon from some abandoned milkshake. It was a really nice spoon.
“Silver!” Apple Bloom exclaimed, completely ignoring the fact that Tootsie Flute just ripped Diamond Tiara’s ear off. “Ya’re alive!” She got out of the wagon and trotted to Silver Spoon. “We need to hide somewhere. There are zombies comin’ from... Aaargh!” Apple Bloom screamed when Silver Spoon pierced her eye with a spoon. “Scootaloo! Help!”
“I’m sorry, Apple Bloom... I’m so sorry...” Scootaloo whispered and disconnected the wagon from her scooter. Seeing that Silver tore the spoon out of Apple Bloom’s socket and started to munch her eye, she flapped her wings and rode away.
“Dirty coward!” Apple Bloom exclaimed, trying to run away when Tootsie Flute tackled her. Diamond Tiara’s brain was good, but it was a little stale. She wanted something fresh and apple-flavoured.
“Help!” Apple Bloom shouted. One of her eyes was gone and Tootsie was now trying to sink her teeth in her skull. Not to mention that Silver was now aiming the spoon at her other eye. “Please... Scootaloo... Sweetie...” She cried, her tears mixing with blood flowing down her face.
More zombies approached. Apple Bloom thrashed and the spoon left a large gash on her cheek. Tootsie Flute bit her arm, sending the wave of numbness across her body.
Apple Bloom turned her head, avoiding yet another attack and, to her surprise, she saw Sweetie Belle among the zombies. She wasn’t sure if it was a hallucination. But Sweetie definitely was there. She trotted to her, pushing Tootsie Flute off of her.
“Sweetie!” Apple Bloom exclaimed. “How did ya do that? They didn’t eat your brain!”
“I have to tell you something,” said Sweetie in a monotone and picked up a straw. “I have no brain...”
Apple Bloom screamed when Silver’s spoon finally found its way to her other eye. A wave of pain pierced through her skull when the optic nerve was severed. She couldn’t see anything, but she knew that her eyeball was now being devoured by Silver Spoon.
“No...” she whispered when some strong hooves caught her. She started to choke when Sweetie Belle forced the straw up her nose, plunging it deeper and deeper. Her body twitched when the straw found its target. All she heard was some slurping noise. She could hear it both inside and outside of her head. Her muscles twitched once again, then they went limp. Tootsie Flute winced when she saw that Apple Bloom lost control over her sphincters, but then she quickly bit a portion of her skull off and started to eat the parts of the brain Sweetie couldn’t reach with her straw.
It really tasted like apples.
“Have you seen it?” Twist asked, looking through the window of Sugarcube Corner. They managed to sneak past the zombies since they were busy with the Cutie Mark Crusaders.
Button shook violently, fell to his haunches and started to vomit on the floor.
“I take that as ‘yes’,” Twist deadpanned.
Button rolled on his back. He considered eating something else just to throw it up to fully express his feelings towards what he’d just seen.
“Get up, Button,” Twist said. “We need to barricade the door and look for Pinkie.”
“They... sucked... her... brain... out...”
“So?” Twist asked. “Come on, or your brain will be next...”
“I don’t want my brain to be next...”
Twist rolled her eyes. “Button, don’t be a...” She mouthed a certain name of mare’s private bits starting with “c” wordlessly.
“I’m not!” Button exclaimed, getting up. “I’m okay, just... You know, my brain was always very precious to me...”
“So be cool and stay cool,” Twist said. “Or they’ll get you. And if they don’t, I will...”
“Yes. I’m cool,” Button replied. He started to look for something in his saddlebags. Finally he produced a small package from it.
Twist looked at him unsurely. “Why do you need that?”
Twist facehoofed. “Button, you can’t get pregnant when you’re relieving stress on your own...”
“What does pregnancy have to do with that?” Button asked. “My bro gives them to me everytime he hears I’m going to visit you.” He took a condom from the package and put it in his mouth. “Hmm, banana...” he muttered. “The thing is, I’m less nervous...” He blew a large balloon. “And I can do cool balloon stuff!”
Twist shook her head and barricaded the door with chairs, tables, and anything heavy she could find. Then she went back to Button, who was still chewing a condom. “You know...” she said. “For a moment I considered spending the rest of my life with you... Giving birth to your children...”
“And now?” Button asked.
“Now I’m not sure.” Twist looked at the door which started to shake when zombies started to ram into it. “Though maybe I’ll have to spend the rest of my life with you...”
“Let’s find Pinkie, okay?” Button said. He had a feeling that he missed some great occasion in his life. It quickly disappeared. He wasn’t one to think about such things for too long.
They trotted upstairs. Button picked a chair’s leg and looked around. If Pound or Pumpkin Cake ate the candies, he didn’t want to meet them unarmed.
Pinkie Pie’s kitchen was empty. The remains of dough were scattered around. Shards of broken plates littered the floor. Button stepped into it carefully, holding the chair’s leg in his teeth. Twist trotted behind him, looking around.
“No bodies,” she muttered. “I don’t like it...”
“Yeah, I’d also prefer another bloody corpse here...” Button deadpanned. “Can’t you just enjoy a little moment without anypony next to us getting slaughtered, zombies sucking brains with straws and your crazy sister who got us into that mess?”
“Button,” Twist said. “When I told you to not be a pussy, I didn’t mean that you have to be a dick instead...”
“It’s that gum.” Button blew a large balloon from his condom. “My brother said that it makes you more manly...”
“Tell your brother to slam his head against the wall. And tell your mom to tell you about the birds and the bees...”
“Hey, I know that story!” Button exclaimed. “Birds, bees, tentacles...”
“Yeah...” Twist muttered. “Too bad our biggest tentacle lover just ate Apple Bloom’s eyes with a spoon...”
Button nodded and sighed. “And who’ll lend me all those mangas now? Though maybe I’ll manage to loot her room...”
“As I said, no side quests...” Twist muttered. “Wonder where they went...”
“No idea...” Button replied and opened one of the cupboards. “Aargh!”
Something small, consisting mostly of wings, brown mane and enormous fangs jumped out of the cupboard and grabbed his face. Just when Twist thought that she’d have to kill him before a small zombie would erupt from his chest, Button managed to shake the attacker off his face, throwing him against the floor. The little zombie, however, didn’t hit it: he slowed the fall with his wings and darted back at Button.
Button swung the chair’s leg, trying to smash the zombie in mid-air, but he grabbed the makeshift club with his teeth. Cursing under his breath, Button swung it at the wall. The zombie disconnected with a crunch of breaking fangs, bounced off the wall and fell into the blender standing on the worktop. He hissed and started spitting acid around, but before he managed to get out of the blender, Button closed it and turned it on. The sound of the electric engine was like a music to his ears.
“Wow...” Twist muttered, staring at red and green goo with feathers inside of the blender. “Mashed Pound Cake...”
“Mashed? That was... twisted...” Button replied. “Let’s get outta here... If it was Pound, I’d rather not meet Pumpkin...”
The went out of the kitchen and trotted down the corridor. Button barely noticed the bloodstains on the carpet. Only when they went behind the corner and saw the body of Mrs. Cake lying on the floor, he realised that something was wrong.
“Looks like she’s been dead a long time...” Twist muttered, approaching the body to take a closer look. “Bones are bent outward, like she exploded from the inside...”
“I’d rather not know what caused it...” Button said, trying to get past Mrs. Cake without touching her. He was about to succeed when suddenly magic flashed in front of him and, to his horror, he saw Pumpkin Cake.
The filly smiled at him, showing much more teeth that a filly this age would have. He jumped backwards and that was what saved his life: she teleported exactly in the place where his stomach was just a split second earlier.
“Twist!” Button shouted, jumping and bouncing like a cat on meth. “Don’t stand in one place for too long!”
Pumpkin appeared inches from him. He swung the chair’s leg at her, only to miss when she teleported again, this time landing on his head. Twist darted forward, punching Button when Pumpkin disappeared from him. She reappeared on the other side of her mother’s body, grinning widely. Twist grabbed Button’s makeshift club and threw it at her. Pumpkin teleported next to her...
A well-placed hit with a guitar Button had been carrying with him, changed her into a bloody smear on the floor and the wall. She twitched once more, before Button hit her with a guitar once more and turned it, grinding her deeper into the carpet.
“Check this riff,” Button muttered, wiping blood from the guitar. “It’s smashing...”
“You know,” Twist said. “Sometimes I sit alone at night listening to goregrind, but it’s much better...”
“Yeah...” Button nodded. “Do you know what my favourite band is?”
“If you say The Smashing Pumpkins, I’ll kill you,” Twist said.
“I was going to say My Bloody Hearts and Hooves, but I know what you’ll say...” Button muttered.
“What would I say?” Twist asked, looking at Button unsurely.
“You know…” Button hesitated, avoiding her gaze. “That my taste in music is softer than yours…”
“You mean I’d think it’s gay?” Twist chuckled. “Dude, you just threw a baby pegasus into a blender and made a pulp out of his sister with a guitar. Also, we didn’t die during the zombie apocalypse. For me, it’s pretty hardcore…”
“You really think so?” Button asked.
Twist slowly approached him, looking deeply into his eyes. “I do…”
Button closed his eyes and moved forward closer to her, when suddenly, he heard a distinctive sound usually associated with a herd of zombies busting through the door. He opened his eyes and gulped, wondering how many heads he could smash with his guitar before it’d break.
“It’s high time to find Pinkie and get outta here…” Twist said.
“You’re right,” Button replied. “PINKIE!!! WHERE ARE YOU?”
“Here!” They heard Pinkie’s voice coming from behind the nearby door. “Are you zombies?”
“No!” Button screamed back. “But soon we’ll be if you don’t open the door!”
“Umm… Okay, test question: what’s your favourite food?” Pinkie asked.
“Really, Pinkie?” Twist rolled her eyes. “Peppermint candies.”
Button heard the screeching and hissing of the zombies, as well as heavy hoofsteps of those who decided to go upstairs. “Umm… bananas with chocolate!”
The door opened. They quickly ran inside the room. Pinkie locked the door and barricaded it with almost all the furniture she had in her room. Even Gummy was sitting at the top of the barricade, staring blankly at them.
“Hello,” Pinkie said. “Have you heard about vegetarian zombies? Do you know what do they eat?”
“What?” Button asked.
“Grainssss…” Pinkie Pie laughed. “Anyway, you chose a really bad moment to come here…”
“What do you mean?” Twist asked. “There are zombies coming here, but we thought that you’d help us fight them… Give us some cool weapons…”
“Sorry, no free items,” Pinkie said. “Yes, I’m going to fight them…” She lowered her head. Even her mane straightened a bit. “But I’m afraid that you may die in process…”
“What?” Button exclaimed. “What are you going to do?”
Pinkie Pie opened one of the drawers and took a katana and a white headband with a red circle and some Neighponese letters on it. She wrapped it around her head and gave katana to Twist. “I should have it with me,” she said. “But maybe you’ll make a better use from it…”
“What do you mean?” Twist asked.
Pinkie leaned closer to her and whispered, “See this old fridge standing in the corner? You need to hide in it and you should be alright. Take Gummy with you.”
Button waved his hoof. “What’s going on here? A fridge? Take Gummy with us? And why do you dress yourself as a manga character?” He sighed. “I know, ‘Pinkie being Pinkie’, but there are some limits.”
Pinkie looked into his eyes. Button shuddered at what he saw in them: blood, knives, kitchen utensils, and some dark places he didn’t know existed. “Do. Not. Question. My. Orders.” she said.
“O-okay…” Button muttered. He looked at the fridge. “Err… Pinkie… I have bad feelings about this…”
“No time for that…” Pinkie replied, shoving him into the fridge. Twist followed him, taking Gummy and Pinkie’s katana with her. Pinkie closed the door.
“What is she going to do?” Twist asked. She was squished between Button, Gummy, and the fridge wall, and Button felt that if she moved, the katana would make him a gelding.
“Umm… This fridge is lead-lined, huh?” Button gulped. “Do you remember ‘Daring Do and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull’?”
“I read it, but I’m still in denial,” Twist replied. “You don’t mean that she…” Twist stared into Button’s eyes. "Fuck…”
“Exactly. Doesn’t she know that it’s completely unrealistic?” Button asked. “Geez, if we survive, I’m gonna go to A.K. Yearling, fall on my knees and apologise for all the things I said after reading that book…”
“Yeah, because jumping out of a burning airship with nothing but a raft was more realistic…” Twist muttered. “Also, she’d broken her wing just before that… She always breaks one of them when the plot demands…”
“For Luna’s sake, Twist, we’re about to die and you’re gonna discuss the plot holes?” Button asked. He produced condoms from his saddlebags. “Want some?”
“What?” Twist exclaimed. “I’m about to die, but I’m not desperate…” She looked at Button and saw that he put a condom into his mouth and started to chew it. “Oh, I forgot…”
“What?” Button asked.
“You really need to talk to your mother about those, or you’ll accidentally pass your genes further…” Twist said with a sigh.
“I don’t think so,” Button replied. “We’re gonna die, remember?” He chewed the condom. “Hmm… strawberry!”
Twist facehoofed. “If my soul is gonna be forever connected with yours and that toothless lizard’s, I’m gonna kick ass of some deity… If there’s any…”
“Look on the bright side,” Button said. “You’ll never be alone…”
Twist only groaned.
Pinkie Pie looked at the fridge and sighed. The zombies were already devouring Mrs. Cake’s body. Pinkie sense was telling her that some of them found the blender. Too bad it didn’t tell her what was inside.
The zombies start to bang against the door of her room. Pinkie calmly trotted to one of her cupboards, opened it and took a small box made of concrete.
Five years before, Pinkie Pie created a cupcake to end all the cupcakes. It was large, incredibly tasty, and incredibly sweet. It couldn’t even rot – the amount of sugar inside would kill any microorganism stupid enough to try to eat it.
There was a reason why Pinkie destroyed all her notes and put the cupcake in that concrete box. But now, the reason was gone. The ponykind was in a much bigger danger that her cupcake could ever cause. Now it was time to put it into a good use.
She opened the box and looked at the cupcake. For a moment she had a feeling that it looked back at her. The zombies were banging against the door. The cupcake waited.
Pinkie Pie thought of the ponies in the fridge. They had to be saved. Only they could restore the balance. She had to stop hesitating.
With a shaky hoof, Pinkie picked up the cupcake. She looked at it, its frosting as fresh as it was five years ago. Pinkie gulped, exhaled , and put the cupcake in her mouth.
At first, she didn’t feel anything. Then, another sound joined the cacophony made by zombies behind the door. A rustle of blood flowing in her veins. Trembling of her muscles. The loud hissing of her pancreas going into overdrive.
Pinkie’s eyes started to glow. She opened her mouth to scream.
Then everything disappeared in an explosion of white light.
In Which Applejack and Rainbow Dash have a Contest
A foal splashed against the ground, blood and gore spraying on Rarity and Twilight. They looked up and saw Rainbow Dash.
“That was awesome!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed. “Hey, Applejack! I’m gonna take the next one even higher! Maybe it’ll burn in the atmosphere!”
“Umm... It seems that we’re interrupting something...” Rarity whispered to Twilight.
“Excuse me!” Twilight shouted. “Can you–”
Another foal hit the ground next to her with a wet crunch. One of the eyeballs rolled towards her. She automatically smashed it with her hoof and winced at the realisation of what she just did.
“Hey, Applejack! That was sixteenth! How about you?”
They heard a sound of a skull crushed by a powerful buck. “Twenty one!” A sound of a spine being ripped out of the body. “Twenty two!”
Rainbow Dash landed next to them and wiped sweat from her forehead. “How’s she doing that?” she asked.
A sound of a horn being stuck into its owner’s left lung distracted them for a moment. “Twenty three! Top that, sugarcube!”
“Well,” Rarity said. “While your tactics are quite picturesque, darling, I must admit that Applejack is more, umm... effective...”
“You’re right...” Dash muttered. “Hey, you!” she shouted to one of the zombies, who happened to be Snails. “I’m gonna rip your heart out and pee into the left chamber!” She darted forward.
“Eww...” Rarity winced watching the scene happening before her eyes.
“Actually, it was the right ventricle...” Twilight muttered.
“Seventeen!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed.
“Umm... Excuse me!” Twilight shouted. “We need to talk for a moment...”
“Smothering with his own bowels?” Applejack asked. “Okay! Ah’m gonna cut the top of her skull off and take a–”
Twilight closed her eyes and covered her ears. Rarity didn’t manage to do that in time and passed out seeing what Applejack was doing. Since then she couldn’t look into Applejack’s eyes for long. And not only eyes.
To her surprise, Twilight saw that Applejack and Rainbow Dash weren't fighting the zombies alone. One of the zombies screamed when Granny Smith grabbed his wing with her teeth and started to bash his head with a cane. She threw his body into the crowd, causing a couple of attackers to trip, and stomped on their skulls in a way similar to her granddaughter. However, more zombies were cornering her. She had to retreat and now she was defending herself desperately leaning against a barn's wall.
Twilight opened her mouth to shout, seeing a small filly zombie about to sink her teeth in Granny Smith's leg, when suddenly the filly's head exploded under a giant hoof.
"Nope!" Big Macintosh said.
Twilight stood up, fire burning in her eyes. “Girls! Stop killing them!”
“Why?” Rainbow Dash asked.
“We can defeat them with Rainbow Power and turn them back to normal! Or, if it fails, borrow the Elements from the Tree of Harmony!”
“Yeah... Tell that to Fluttershy...” Rainbow Dash muttered. She caught the leg of a zombie trying to attack her from behind, bent it in a way no leg could bend, and shoved it into the owner’s throat. “Twenty!”
Twilight’s eyes widened. “Where’s Fluttershy?” she asked.
“Mostly in the barn,” Rainbow Dash replied. “And Rarity is lying on her wing...” She grabbed Sassaflash who tried to tackle her and broke her spine. “Twenty one. And if you believe in such stuff, she’s in Elysium, playing lyre... And you’ll soon join them!” The last words were directed at Caramel, who almost caught Rainbow’s wing trying to take revenge for his marefriend. Before Rainbow could counterattack, a wave of Twilight’s magic hit Caramel, changing him into a charred skeleton.
“Sorry for stealing your kill,” Twilight said, her voice quivering and her eye twitching. “Just... When I think about poor Fluttershy... I think that...” she sobbed. “That we should... wake up Rarity... find Pinkie Pie... and break every single bone in the body of a motherfucker who did this…”
“N-no problem...” Rainbow Dash said. “By the way, where’s Pinkie?” She turned back to see that Applejack had corralled the rest of the zombies in the barn. Granny Smith and Big Macintosh were already lighting it on fire. “Hey! That doesn’t count!”
Applejack smiled sheepishly. “Will y’all help me rebuilding that barn later?”
“Sure,” Twilight deadpanned, swallowing her tears. “Do you know where’s Pinkie Pie?”
“Ah have no idea,” Applejack replied. “But Ah think she’ll give us a sign...”
At the same moment, the sky darkened and the ground started to shake. A mushroom-shaped cloud appeared over Ponyville.
At last Rarity woke up, screaming.
“W-was it...” Rainbow Dash looked at the sky unsurely.
“Pinkie Pie,” Twilight muttered, shaking her head. “Seriously, who else but her?”
Tootsie Flute looked around. Most of her new friends were gone, either killed by explosion, or running away. Tootsie shrugged, stood up and spread her brand new pair of wings. They suddenly sprouted from her back just after Sugarcube Corner exploded. Tootsie smiled and took her bucket of candies. She’d always wanted to be a princess.
She looked around and through the falling ashes and debris she saw an old, battered fridge lying on the ground. She trotted to it and poked it with her hoof. The door of the fridge opened and hit her head. She groaned and flew away, deciding to watch the further events from the top of the nearby ruins.
“We’re alive!” Button exclaimed. “I’m sorry, oh great A.K. Yearling, for doubting in your wisdom!”
Twist groaned. Not only Button landed on her when the fridge had been thrown out of Sugarcube Corner, but also Gummy was now holding her tail with his mouth. She stood up and got out of the fridge, holding the katana ready. “We should watch out,” she said. “The radiation...”
“If there was radiation here, we’d already be dead,” Button replied. “Apparently Pinkie had a short half-life...”
“Seems that my sister’s house was destroyed...” Twist muttered. “But I guess she’s in the basement...”
“Let’s go there and end this once and for all...” Button said, trotting forward.
Tootsie Flute watched them from the top of the scorched building. Part of her was telling her to attack them and eat their brains. Tootsie remembered the voice she’d first heard when she ate those beautiful red candies, which kept telling her to attack other ponies. But since the explosion, the voice was gone. Tootsie no longer felt like the other zombies. Of course, she still liked brains, but now she was going to eat them only when she wanted, not when some disembodied voice in her head told her to.
She stretched her wings. She was now a free alicorn zombie and wanted the others to respect that. With an ear-piercing shriek, she took off and started to circle above the town.
Scootaloo was sitting by the river with a bottle of beer she’d found somewhere in town. It tasted awful, but she didn’t care; one of her friends died a horrible death because she preferred to run away instead of helping her, and the other was now a zombie. In such days, even a filly like her just had to have a drink.
Sure, Sweetie Belle killed her parents, but it was a long time ago. Scootaloo got used to the fact that she was an orphan. Being the cause of death of both her friends was, however, a completely new feeling for her. If she had cigarettes, she’d smoke one.
Scootaloo sighed. Apple Bloom did nothing to deserve her fate. Sure, it was her idea to leave Sweetie Belle as a bait for zombies... But still, dying like that, because of Scootaloo’s cowardice... Something was crawling in her skin. She knew those wounds wouldn’t heal. Fear was how she fell. Now, after downing almost a whole bottle of beer, she was confused what was real.
She turned around to face Bulk Biceps. He seemed even bigger than usual. His eyes were glowing green; he was slowly walking towards her, his skin covered in wounds.
Scootaloo stood up, her wings shooting open. “Come on!” she shouted. “You can eat my brain!”
Bulk Biceps only growled, approaching her. Scootaloo backpedalled and felt that her hind legs touched the water.
“Come on!” she cried. “Rip me to pieces! At least I’ll see Apple Bloom again!”
He trotted to her, raising his hoof. Scootaloo closed her eyes, ready for a finishing blow.
She heard an ear-piercing shriek and the sound of something heavy hitting the ground. She opened her eyes and her jaw dropped.
Before her Tootsie Flute, now sporting a pair of wings, grabbed Bulk’s hoof with her teeth. Her horn started to glow. Bulk Biceps thrashed, but he couldn’t do anything when the spell caused him to go limp. Tootsie opened her mouth to sink her fangs in his head, but then stopped. She jumped off the sleeping Bulk’s body and trotted to Scootaloo. “Brains!” she exclaimed happily.
“Yes, you can eat my brain,” Scootaloo muttered.
Tootsie shook her head, grinning widely. She pointed at the bucket on her neck. “Candies!” she said.
“No, I don’t want candies,” Scootaloo replied.
Tootsie chirped, tilting her head to the left. She approached Scootaloo and wrapped her wing around her. “Candies!” she exclaimed.
“No,” Scootaloo replied.
Tootsie murmured something and kissed Scootaloo, who winced – Tootsie’s breath smelled of numerous brains she’d devoured.
Scootaloo looked at the candy bucket. “You know... My parents are dead... All my friends are dead...”
Tootsie nodded and ruffled Scootaloo’s mane with her wing.
Scootaloo looked at the candies again. They were so beautiful... “You know?” Scootaloo asked. “Fuck it. I’ll eat one.”
She was about to take a candy, when a magic beam flew past her and hit Tootsie’s chest. Scootaloo dropped the candy and watched her new friend collapsing slowly, the smile still plastered on her face. She turned back to see Twilight Sparkle walking towards her with Rainbow Dash, Rarity, and Applejack.
“Scootaloo!” Twilight exclaimed. “Are you okay? Did she hurt you?”
“N-no...” Scootaloo replied. “I’m okay...” She lowered her head and poked Tootsie Flute with her hoof. “Applejack, Rarity... Apple Bloom is dead and Sweetie is a zombie... It’s all my fault...”
Rainbow Dash landed next to her and patted her mane. “It’s not, squirt... You couldn’t do anything about that. We’ll talk about it later, okay? For now, find some safe place to hide...”
They left her sitting next to Tootsie Flute’s body, staring at the spilled candies. She waited till they disappeared and collapsed on the grass, sobbing openly. Memories consumed her. It was like opening the wound. It was picking her apart again.
She was just about to give up hope and succumb to despair, when she felt something moving next to her.
“Brains?” Tootsie Flute asked.
“Yes...” Scootaloo whispered, wiping her tears. “Brains...”
The ruins were awfully quiet. Twist started to look for the door leading to the basement, using her katana to put debris aside. Button was looking around with a guitar in his teeth. He shuddered, thinking that they could be the only ponies left alive in Ponyville. What if Celestia ordered them to repopulate the area? Twist would probably bite his head off.
Twist was also lost in her thought. After all, she had to face her sister soon. For the first time that day she started to think that maybe it was a bad idea to not stop her earlier. So many lives could be saved... Pinkie Pie wouldn’t have to change herself into a nuke...
And, above all, the mentally challenged alligator wouldn’t hold her tail.
“I think I found the basement door,” Button said, pointing at the trapdoor in the floor. At the same moment, the trapdoor bursted open, knocking him down.
Bon Bon emerged from the underground trying to look menacing. It was hard, however, since she had to shield her eyes from the light. It seemed that controlling the zombies drained her; she was staggering; her mane was dishevelled. She turned to look at Twist and smiled the way she practised for hours in front of the mirror – a cold, emotionless smile of somepony who just burned down a kindergarten. “Hello, sister,” she said.
Twist looked at her, trying to find the right words to welcome her. Unfortunately, she found nothing that’d sound original. “I came here to end this,” she said eventually. After all, it was her purpose and there was no reason to pretend otherwise.
“Oh, I was waiting for you to say this,” Bon Bon replied. “I’d like to inform you that it’s no use. You’re too late.” She threw her head backwards and laughed, only to cough when she choked on her saliva. For some reason, her evil laughter still didn’t work.
Twist patiently waited till her sister could breathe again. “Give up,” she said. “We defeated all zombies you’ve created. And no, I won’t join you to rule Equestria together. And while I believe there’s still good in you, I’d rather kick your flank for what you did...”
“For what I did?” Bon Bon asked. “I only gave them mind-controlling, power-enhancing candies. I didn’t slaughter half of the town like you and those who didn’t eat them...”
Twist staggered, remembering all those zombies she and Button had killed with her death ray, blender, guitar, and Pinkie Pie-powered nuke.
“I have an antidote, you know,” Bon Bon said. “Blue candies in the basement. Once I would’ve taken Princess Celestia’s place, I’d change everypony back. You know, economy doesn’t work best when most of the citizens require eating brains to function.”
“And what with those who didn’t eat candies?” Twist asked, gritting her teeth. “Silver Spoon ate Apple Bloom’s eyes. I had to spend a day with a moron who thinks condoms are bubble gum. Have you thought about it?”
“Collateral damage,” Bon Bon replied. “Also, resistance prevents stagnation... Even though...” She laughed. “Resistance is futile...”
Suddenly something heavy hit her head. She crossed her eyes and collapsed on her knees before falling into the basement with a loud thud suggesting a broken leg. Button smiled sheepishly, standing behind her with a guitar in his hooves. “Rock’n’Roll, bitch!” he exclaimed.
“Hey! It’s my sister!” Twist shouted. Gummy let go of her tail and went to Button.
“Anyway...” Twist looked around unsurely. “We did it, right? We stopped her...”
“It seems so...” Button replied. “So, it means... We’re heroes now, right? Fame, fillies, fun times...”
“No...” Twist lowered her head. “It means we are alone in the middle of the desolated town, my sister’s insane, everyone we knew is dead, and our only companion is a toothless alligator.” She pointed at Gummy, who was munching something. Button looked at him and spotted a red candy wrap in front of him.
“Motherfu–” Twist muttered.
Button didn’t lose his mind. He simply kicked Gummy down the basement, locked the trapdoor, and sat on it. “I’ve heard something about an antidote,” he said as if he wasn’t interrupted. “Some zombies are still alive... If we travel around with it...”
“Aaargh!” They heard Bon Bon’s scream from the basement. “Noooo!” Her voice drowned in the sound resembling ripping one’s spine out.
“She had an antidote in her basement,” Twist said with a sigh. “Do you want to go there?”
“Umm... no...” Button replied. “Maybe if we wait some time, Gummy will eat it and change back to normal?”
“Maybe...” Twist said. “But I don’t think I can be normal...”
They raised their heads to see Twilight Sparkle, Applejack, Rarity, and Rainbow Dash approaching them. Twilight was charging her horn, aiming at them.
“Are y’all zombies?” Applejack asked.
“We? No!” Button replied. “It was Bon Bon who did this.”
“Where’s she?” Applejack asked. “Ah had to give her apples for free... Now Ah could...”
“She’s there, with Gummy.” Button pointed at the trapdoor, trying to look as innocent as he could, which wasn’t easy since Twist was glaring daggers at him.
“Okay, let’s end it!” Rainbow Dash flew to the trapdoor, pushed Button off of it and opened it. Suddenly, her expression changed. She paled and her pupils shrunk to pinpricks. She retched, but quickly swallowed it back – showing weakness in front of six witnesses definitely wouldn’t be cool. Then she closed the trapdoor back, grabbed Button and sat him back on it. “What, by Discord’s psychedelic colon was THAT?” she exclaimed.
“Gummy,” Button replied, smiling sheepishly.
“W-why was he... s-so... umm...” Rainbow Dash looked at the trapdoor unsurely.
“Candies,” Button said.
“I wish there was a way to prevent all that...” Twist muttered, looking at the ruins of Bon Bon’s house. The blast after Pinkie’s explosion turned the whole town into burnt-down sea of wood and bricks, inhabited by the remains of zombie infestation, mutated and confused after their master’s death. Even from the point where they were standing they could see Silver Spoon and Sweetie Belle sitting in the ruins of the Carousel Boutique. They were sitting at the table, drinking something they were pouring to glasses from a charred blender and playing poker, using spoons and eyeballs as chips. When Rarity saw that, she passed out again – she’d never expected her sister to become Silver Spoon’s friend.
Twilight’s ears perked up. “There may be a way to prevent that...” she said. “Too bad time travels are so dangerous...”
“How do you want to travel back in time?” Twist asked. “Dr. Whooves died in an explosion... And we don’t know how he looks like after regeneration...”
“His name was ‘Time Turner’, and he wasn’t a Time Lord, sugarcube,” Applejack said.
“There’s a spell for that.” Twilight sighed. “But it only lasts two minutes... We’d have to go back in time to a very moment when Bon Bon got that idea... And we don’t know when it was...”
Rarity’s eyes shot open. “Umm... Maybe that notepad I conveniently fell on when I collapsed will tell us something?” She levitated a thick notebook with Bon Bon’s cutie mark on the cover.
“Let’s see...” Twilight muttered. She took the notebook and opened it. “Buy eggs... No, it’s not that... Lyra repairs our old radio... Not that... Four words: Applejack is a– No, that’s not important...”
“What am Ah?” Applejack asked, glaring at Twilight angrily.
“Dunno, it’s a bit smeared...” Twilight replied, smiling sheepishly. One didn’t have to be the Element of Honesty to smell a lie.
“What. Am. Ah?” Applejack muttered through gritted teeth. Twilight levitated a notebook to her. “What? It was only once...”
“Told you.” Twilight took a notebook and started to read further entries. “Today I caught my sister with an interesting picture of Mistress Mare-velous and Zapp. Note to self: try bondage with Lyra.”
“What?” Button exclaimed. “You ship that? So mainstream... And those two would never get together!”
Twist’s face was of the same colour as her mane. “Should I remind you of Hum Drum and Radiance’s sister?”
“Umm... Can we change the topic?” Rainbow Dash asked, throwing nervous glances at Applejack. “Twist surely feels awkward when we discuss her, umm... sister...”
Twilight raised her head from the notebook. “I think I found it,” she said dramatically. “3rd January: Today I stepped on Lyra’s roller skate and fell down a flight of stairs. After that I had a rather unusual idea. Note to self: check if candies can control a foal’s mind.”
“We have the time,” Rarity said. “Now we have to send somepony back to take that roller skate away...”
“But who?” Twilight asked. “It’s dangerous... Also, we shouldn’t tamper with time... Who knows what’ll happen if we change the past...”
“Well, nothing worse than this...” Applejack said, pointing at the town. In the ruin of the Carousel Boutique, Silver Spoon ran out of spoons and eyeballs, so Sweetie bit off one of her legs. Since after the nuclear explosion caused by Pinkie, Silver got a few additional limbs, it didn’t bother her much.
Twilight nodded. “But still, the world we come back to may be drastically different... We need a volunteer...”
Twist raised her head. She opened her mouth...
“I’ll do that!” Button exclaimed. Everypony looked at him. “What?” he asked.
“Are you sure?” Twist asked. “Because if you screw up, we won’t send you again to stop yourself from screwing up...”
“Don’t worry, I have a plan,” Button said and trotted to Twilight. “C’mon, Twilight, magic me to the past...”
Twilight aimed her horn at him and started to cast the Starswirl The Bearded’s spell. Just before it hit him, Button heard a sound of the trapdoor opening. His eyes widened when he saw Applejack and Rarity who were staring at something behind his back. Applejack fell on her haunches and threw up. Rarity’s eyes became bloodshot before they exploded in a fountain of blood and vitreous fluid. Button heard some hissing and gurgling, accompanied by Rainbow Dash and Twist’s screams. He was about to turn around, when Twilight’s spell sent him into the past.
Button closed his eyes, letting the flows of time and space take him to the same house he was in, but a few months, one zombie infestation, and one nuclear explosion earlier.
He opened his eyes. He realised that he was in the same place as before, sitting on a trapdoor. Yet, the house around him had all the walls and furniture intact. He looked around and saw his target. A roller skate standing innocently on the top of the stairs. Remembering that he had only two minutes, he darted forward and ran up the stairs.
Somepony knocked on the door. Button stopped halfway through the stairs and looked at it unsurely.
“I’m coming!” Bon Bon shouted from her room upstairs.
Cursing under his breath, Button started to run to the roller blade. He realised that he didn’t know what to do if Bon Bon saw him, with his dishevelled mane, covered in... well, water from the toilet in the HayDonald, dirt, and zombies’ blood. He thought, however, that it probably wouldn’t be as bad as what’d happen if he didn’t take the roller blade.
Hearing Bon Bon’s hoofsteps, he galloped faster. He was inches from the roller blade, when suddenly, he slipped on the loose carpet. He started to fall, but he managed to grab the roller blade with a tip of his hoof. His head hit the step and he rolled downstairs. Just before Bon Bon came into view, he disappeared, taken by the vortex of time and space back to his times.
Bon Bon looked at the stairs unsurely. “What the hay was that?” she asked and went to open the door.
Button hit the floor hard. He was about to look around, when the roller blade fell on his head. He groaned and got up slowly, looking around.
He cursed, seeing that the house was still in ruins. Twilight, Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Rarity, and Twist were nowhere to be seen. Button blinked. The house was in ruins, but they were different. Not exactly “nuke levelled it”, but rather “it was hit a few times with a death ray” kind of ruins. Button scratched his head and, thinking that he wasn’t going to make anything out of it, he left the house.
He barely opened the door, when he saw an enormous, metal-clad leg in the street. He looked upwards and saw that the leg belonged to a large tripod with a spotlight on the top, wandering through the town. The sky was dark. Several similar tripods were visible on the horizon.
“What the hay...” he muttered.
Suddenly, he saw a small silhouette behind the corner of the nearby building. It made a gesture and several more silhouettes appeared. Button’s ‘comic book cliche’ sense started to tingle. He trotted far from the house and watched the tripod.
“AIM FOR THE LEGS!” a familiar voice called. A couple of ponies jumped from behind the buildings, carrying death rays similar to the one Twist had owned. They aimed them and fired at the tripod’s legs. The machine staggered. Another burst of shots and it collapsed on the house Button had just left. One of the ponies galloped to the cockpit of the tripod and fired at the windshield, killing whatever was inside.
Button recognised her. She was dirty, she was wearing a bandana, and she had goggles with HUD instead of her glasses, but her curly, red mane didn’t change. She jumped of the fallen tripod and trotted to the rest of the group.
“Twist!” Button exclaimed, running to them. “I just came back from the past! What the–” He was interrupted when Twist hugged him and their lips connected. She smelled of smoke, ozone, aliens’ slime, and peppermint. Button raised his eyebrows, but he didn’t protest when she forced her tongue into his mouth. He even regretted a little when she stopped.
“What the hay?” he asked.
“Button!” Twist exclaimed. “H-how did you survive? They... They burned you to ashes! Everypony saw that...”
The rest of her group nodded. Button Mash’s jaw dropped when he saw them.
Sweetie Belle with a large scar on her cheek. Scootaloo in a camouflage uniform, with two chainguns in her battle saddle. Apple Bloom, or rather Apple Bloom-shaped cyberpony, with two death rays in her forelegs. Tootsie Flute, with cybernetic wings and an eyepatch, standing next to Scootaloo and hugging her. Diamond Tiara, wearing a torn catsuit and casually smoking a cigarette. Silver Spoon with a cybernetic eye, wearing an exoskeleton.
“W-what... H-how?” Button stammered.
“He doesn’t remember anything,” Tootsie Flute said. “Maybe it’s a clone they sent...”
“Let’s hide,” Scootaloo proposed. “We’ll think about it later.”
They trotted to the side street. There was an opened sewer there. They climbed down the ladder and Apple Bloom closed the hatch. Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon were looking after Button, aiming their death rays at him.
“Can anypony explain me what’s going on?” Button asked.
“The aliens attacked Equestria,” Twist replied. “You were the leader of our resistance group... But you were k-killed just two days ago... We decided to continue your efforts...”
“What? M-my efforts?”
“Cloned and dumb,” Scootaloo chuckled.
“Oh, please...” Sweetie Belle said. “He was like that before the apocalypse...”
Button decided to ignore that remark. “B-but how did you get all that cool stuff?”
“My own inventions,” Twist patted the death ray hanging from her neck. “Captured alien technology... And we robbed the secret research facility in Canterlot.”
They stood in front of enormous, metal door. Twist put her hoof on a panel and the door opened slowly with the sound of hissing air.
“But how did the war start?” Button asked. “How did... Ouch!”
“He Isn’t A Clone,” an Apple Bloom-shaped cyborg said, retreating a probe. Diamond and Silver lowered their weapons.
“Couldn’t you, like, warn me?” Button asked, glaring at her angrily and rubbing his rump.
“What Do You Mean Question Mark. I Lubed It Up,” Apple Bloom replied.
“Cannot Follow That Order,” Apple Bloom said.
“Anyway, since you isn’t a clone, how did you survive being burned and trampled by a tripod?” Silver Spoon asked when they were walking through another dark corridor, leading them deeper underground.
“Well...” Button hesitated, before he realised that honesty was the best policy. “I... I kinda came from the past... Or future... Or maybe an alternative dimension... You know, wibbly-wobbly... timey-wimey... stuff.”
He didn’t know if he should be happy or horrified seeing that nopony was surprised by his explanation.
They left the corridor and entered a large hall full of ponies, both adults and foals. Some of them were cybernetically augmented. Some had scars and eyepatches. All of them gasped in surprise when they saw him. “He’s alive!” somepony shouted. “Thanks Celestia!”
“Okay...” Button muttered, watching the hall. Ponies were sitting there, studying maps, polishing power armours or repairing guns. He noticed a large stash of rubber bands lying on the nearby table. “Can you tell my how the war started?”
“It was Lyra Heartstrings,” Twist replied. “She wanted to repair an old radio and accidentally changed it into a transmitter. She sent a signal to a nearby alien fleet which attacked the planet. Button? Are you okay?”
“Umm...” Button stood, horrified, remembering one of the entries in Bon Bon’s notebook. Lyra repairs our old radio.
Bon Bon never got the idea to use zombies to take over Equestria. She didn’t feed Lyra to her test subjects. Lyra repaired the radio. Equestria was doomed.
“Equestria to Button!” Twist shouted.
“Y-yes, I’m okay...” Button muttered. “I’m just thinking... About time travels...”
“They don’t exist, silly,” Twist said. “You need a blue phone box, Starswirl the Bearded’s spell or Doctor Brown’s silver carriage for them. And, since the Princesses were killed and Twilight Sparkle became a part of alien hive-mind, nopony can cast it. Do you think we could fix this?”
“No, I’d rather not tamper with time again,” Button replied. Somepony gave him a death ray. He looked at it and saw Twist’s cutie mark engraved on its handle, along with “BM” in a heart. He opened it, checking if the rubber band was okay, closed it and twirled it. “You say that Twilight Sparkle became a part of the alien hive mind?”
Twist nodded. Button looked at his group and at all the ponies who were staring at him in disbelief, waiting for him to say something.
He cleared his throat. “Well, I guess it’s time to kick some alien ass!” he exclaimed.