When Princess Solar-Butt told me that I had to spend a day each with all six Element bearers, I couldn't help but wonder what she was thinking...
(I posted this last-minute, but due to a bit of a submission issue it's only just been submitted now. I'll fix my grammar and spelling at a later date, but in the meantime here's a solid 5-hour writing spree, completely unedited)
There’s a bird outside that window. I wonder what it would be like to be that bird. Probably a lot less boring than it is to be me right now. Maybe I could will the bird and I to swap minds and… No, I don’t really want a bird in my body. It doesn’t matter anyway, the bird has already flown away… I’m bored… Really bored… So bored in fact, maybe I should just-
“Discord, are you even listening?” I wince at the voice of Solar-Butt, turning back to face her. That’s right, she was talking and I’m supposed to be on my best behaviour here. But she just keeps talking and… Oh horse-feathers, she’s expecting an answer now isn’t she. I nod and she goes back to talking.
“Now, do you understand why I ask this task of you?” Solar-Butt asks. Maybe I should’ve listened to her. Oh well, too late now.
“Of course, Princess Celestia.” I lie, a pleasant smile on my face. “But are you sure that it’s a good idea?” Solar-Butt sighs at my question.
“I think it might do you some good to spend time with each of the Element bearers on their own.” Solar-Butt nods. “One thing about friendship is understanding your friends, and what better way than helping them in their jobs?” Well at least I know what she’s talking about now. I have to spend a day each with Sparkle-Butt and her five friends. That’s almost an entire week! Solar-Butt must’ve seen the expression on my face because she adds “It’s only a week Discord. Unless you think you can’t handle it?” She smirks slightly and I roll my eyes.
“Of course I can handle it.” I state. “The question is: can they handle my greatness for a whole day on their own?” We both knew I was going to do it, but I let her have her fun. A bit more to-and-fro in the conversation passes and I’m finally able to leave. With a snap of my talon I disappear, reappearing at my abode in an instant. The feeling of my stomach dropping suddenly never seemed to get old no matter how many centuries I had been teleporting.
Looking at my toaster, I saw the time was merely sunset. I didn’t understand why ponies would use something as boring as clocks to tell the time; mine brought the mail in every morning, not that I ever had any. Knowing that I have a few hours to kill I decide to have a bit of fun. Snapping my paw I disappear once more, eager to play a few small tricks before Lunar-Butt decided to raise the moon.
I was at Sparkle-Butt’s place before Solar-Butt’s sun had even risen. Grinning evilly I snuck into her room where the young mare as sleeping peacefully… Was…
With a click of my talon, the distinctive tone of fanfare sounded and Sparkle-Butt found herself catapulted out of bed. The sight of a lavender-colored mare glaring at me as she clung onto the ceiling was just too much for me and I found myself in fits of laughter in an instant.
“Discord!” Sparkle-Butt shrieked, detaching herself from the ceiling. “What was that for?” Her wings beat angrily as she hovered directly in front of me.
“Oh you should see your face!” I chortled, my legs kicking mirthfully. Upon spotting Sparkle-Butt’s bedhead, I only laughed harder. “What happened Twilight, get in a fight with a mane comb?” Sparkle-Butt glared at me as her cheeks reddened, one hoof pathetically trying to smooth down her mane as she rummaged around presumably for a mane comb.
“You’re what happened to me, Discord.” Sparkle-Butt growled tiredly as she brushed her mane. “What are you even doing here? The sun isn’t even…” She paused a moment to yawn. “...up.”
“Your beloved Princess Celestia said I have to spend the day with you.” I shrugged. Sparkle-Butt raised a brow sceptically and I shrugged. “It’s completely true. Why else would I be at your place this early? Crazy doesn’t start much before six-thirty you know.”
“Can you two keep it down?” Sparkle-Butt’s pet – Spike or something – grumbled from his bed. “I’m trying to get some sleep here.”
“Sorry, Spike.” Sparkle-Butt looked sheepish. Lowering her voice she turned to me. “Let’s talk in a more private place.” With a grin and a snap of my claws we found ourselves atop Sparkle-Butt’s roof. “That’s not what I meant!” She glared as I continued to laugh.
As the day wore on I found that a lot of Sparkle-Butt’s job consisted of shelving books, re-shelving books, and solving the occasional friendship “crisis” – though to be honest I didn’t see how being unable to open a pickle jar counted as a crisis in anypony’s book. If anything I spent most of the day bothering Spike rather than spending time with Sparkle-Butt. Finally the sun began to set and I was free to do my own thing.
“Well that was a useless waste of my time.” I sighed loudly once I had returned home. “No wonder she’s the princess of sparkling flanks – she’s almost as boring as the rest of the princesses.” I smirked cheekily at the thought of making her Cutie Mark sparkle, but thought better of it; for one thing I was too far away to really enjoy the chaos that would bring. I suddenly found myself stifling a yawn – had the day really worn me out so much? With a shrug I began to plot my plan of action for my next victim- erm, willing accomplice.
“Surprise!” My sleep was suddenly interrupted by a very loud shriek of happiness. With a yelp I leapt out of bed, whirling around in confusion. At my feet sat a very happy Balloon-Butt. “Good morning Discord!” She exclaimed, hugging me tightly.
“What are you doing here?” I blinked. “How did you even find me?” For once I was at a loss as I stared down at the young mare with the curly pink fur.
“Oh it was easy!” Balloon-Butt grinned, wagging her tail. “Twilight told me you wanted to spend the day with me so I thought ‘hmm, why not surprise Discord with a party’ and here I am!” She let go of me.
“Okay...” I nodded slowly. “How did you find this place? I’m sure nopony told you where I live.”
“Oh that’s simple, silly!” Balloon-Butt somehow managed to grin even wider. “My Pinkie Sense told me where you were!” So that was the famed ‘Pinkie Sense’ I had heard so much about. I had to admit, if even to myself, that I was rather impressed. “Now hurry up and have some cake so we can get this party started!”
I was happy to note that unlike Sparkle-Butt’s quiet and orderly lifestyle, Balloon-Butt’s was quite the opposite. I was finding the scattered and seemingly erratic things she did almost fun; but then again I always did like the Element of Laughter best. With Balloon-Butt life seemed like one big party, and even I had to admit that by the afternoon I was beginning to tire of her endless energy. We had already hosted several foal’s birthday parties, three anniversaries, and a cute-ceañera and the day wasn’t even over.
“How many more parties do we have to go to?” I found myself asking at some point. Balloon-Butt only shrugged and flashed me one of her bright smiles. I later found the answer was five.
The day finally over, I collapsed onto my bed. I may have been the reigning lord of chaos but there was something about Balloon-Butt that really tired a stallion out after a whole day. I didn’t even remember falling asleep.
After the day I’d had with Balloon-Butt I decided I needed to have a slow, restful day. So naturally I chose Fluttershy. How wrong I was.
“There you are Discord.” Fluttershy smiled gently as I appeared. “You’re just in time to help me with breakfast.”
“Breakfast?” I asked. I was starting to like the sound of this already. To my surprise I was suddenly handed a bucket full of oats, grains and other stuff.
“You can start with the animals out the back.” Fluttershy explained. “The pigs are on a diet so don’t overfeed them, even if they ask. Captain George the goat is a picky eater, so make sure he eats his corn. The chickens are mostly well behaved, but Swanson the rooster occasionally likes to sneak into their nesting box so don’t let him. Betsy the goose won’t leave her eggs, so you have to…” This went on for some time.
To my surprise I found that Fluttershy could be rather stern when it came to her animal friends. I found myself redoing a lot of things more than twice, and once she even scolded me. So much for the restful day I hoped to have. If anything, she seemed to work me harder than Sparkle-Butt and Balloon-Butt had. It seemed I had barely finished breakfast and we were already starting to prepare lunch. How she found the time to take care of the animals and still had time for her friends I’ll never know.
“You can rest now Discord.” Fluttershy smiled, bringing out tea and cookies. “Thank you so much for helping me with my chores today.”
“Is that it?” I asked hopefully. “Can I go after this?” Fluttershy merely giggled, shaking her head.
“We still have dinner to prepare.” Fluttershy responded. “I just thought that you were doing such a good job helping me today, that you deserved a break.”
“How do you do it?” I asked. “How do you manage to take care of all these animals and still have time for your friends?” I had always felt most comfortable talking with Fluttershy.
“Oh, well…” Fluttershy blushed. “To be honest… You’ve been slowing me down.” She looked uncomfortable. I flinched awkwardly.
“Surely I haven’t.” I was quickly on the defensive. “Perhaps it’s your fault for not explaining things to me properly.” Fluttershy noticeably winced.
“I’m sorry.” She squeaked. “I didn’t mean to…” A twinge of guilt – curse that mare – caused me to blush.
“It’s alright dear Fluttershy.” I quickly responded almost nervously. “I was only joking.” She brightened slightly at this and my guilt quelled. Darn that mare and her uncanny ability to make me feel guilty.
The remainder of the day went rather well and I found myself once again collapsing into bed. So much for ‘understanding my friends’; all I had learnt so far was that Sparkle-Butt was boring, Balloon-Butt was hyperactive and Fluttershy wasn’t as much of a pushover as I had assumed. At least I was already halfway there.
“You’re late.” Diamond-Butt scolded as soon as she saw me. She looked unimpressed and I had only just got there.
“Excuse me?” I frowned. “I’m helping you out here, the least you could do is thanking me for taking some time out of my busy life to visit.”
“Twilight already explained that you have no choice, darling.” Diamond-Butt spoke flatly. “I have a ton of outfits that need to be taken to my customers and they don’t like to be kept waiting.”
“Wait, who said I had to be your errand colt?” I frowned, crossing my arms contrarily. “I thought I was supposed to be helping you with your job. Shouldn’t I be on a sewing machine or something?”
“Heavens no!” Diamond-Butt exclaimed. “I wouldn’t trust you with making anything this early. And you are helping by sending these clothes to my customers.” I was suddenly met with a pile of clothes almost bigger than Diamond-Butt. “These are to be delivered to my customers immediately. Oh and Darling, if I get any complaints it’s not going to end well for you.”
With a grumble I stared at the clothes in my arms. It was going to take me all day to get through them all. I found myself suddenly grinning wickedly as I had an idea.
“You’d better not be planning to send those by magic.” Diamond-Butt warned. “Because if you are, I’ll know. You are to hand them to my customers directly.” Hearing this, I groaned inwardly.
It took me all morning and well into the afternoon but I finally got all the outfits sent out. Most of Diamond-Butt’s customers didn’t seem to be taking well to delivery by Draconequus. As I returned back to Diamond-Butt’s place I was met with her younger sister.
“Oh hey Discord.” Sweetie Belle smiled brightly. “My sister’s out doing something at the moment, so my friends and I thought we’d surprise her by helping her with the rest of her orders. Wanna help?”
“But Sweetie-Belle, ah thought we weren’t allowed to touch yer sister’s stuff.” Apple Bloom looked worried. “Won’t we git inta trouble?”
“I don’t think so.” Sweetie Belle shook her head. “My sister told me that Discord was going to be working for her today so he can help us out.” I could sense the chaos coming from this idea in droves, and quickly spoke up.
“Of course I’ll help.” I grinned. “After all, Rarity did say I was supposed to help her, and with you three keeping an eye on me I’m sure everything will be fine…”
As I anticipated, everything was not fine. I may have been able to do almost anything, but it seemed that didn’t extend to dress-making.
“Just go out and play with Sweetie Belle, I don’t care!” Those were the last words out of Diamond-Butt’s mouth as I departed. Happily, I took my leave.
“Discord, ya’ll better not be planning to mess with mah apples like yah did Rarity’s dresses.” Apple-Butt glared at me when I met with her the next morning.
“Of course not.” I spoke innocently. “I was only trying to help, just like Princess Celestia told me to. How was I supposed to know that sewing machines and curtains didn’t mix?” Apple-Butt only continued to glare.
“Just don’t mess anything up, or Ah’ll be telling the Princess mahself.” Apple-Butt warned.
“Whatever.” I rolled my eyes. “Just tell me what to do already.” Apple-Butt was silent for a while before she sighed and began to tell me what to do.
“Discord, what did yah do?!” Apple-Butt exclaimed as she saw every apple drop with a snap of my paw.
“You told me to make the apples drop so I made the apples drop.” I shrugged. I didn’t see what the big problem was; I did what she’d asked.
“Only the ripe ones!” Apple-Butt explained. “Yah’ll made every apple drop, even the unripe ones! Now there won’t be enough to feed everypony this winter!” I had to admit it, I felt pretty bad. Clicking my claws I ripened the rest of the apples.
“There, now they’re all ripe.” To my surprise Apple-Butt only groaned.
“Yeah, but now there’s too many.” She spoke like I was a foal. “We can’t eat all these apples; they’ll spoil before ah ever get halfway through them.” I paused a moment, looking around. I had never thought about it like that.
“Don’t worry I can fix this.” I spoke confidently. Apple-Butt only shook her head.
“Yah’ve done enough already Discord.” She stated. “Just go home.”
Okay I had to admit it, I felt really pretty bad for ruining an entire orchard-full of apples. Sure they were ‘just apples’ to me, but to Apple-Butt they were her life. Come to think of it, Rarity seemed pretty upset too. Maybe there was more to everypony’s job than just a job. I hated to admit it, but I was starting to understand why Solar-Butt gave me this mission.
“Don’t even try to help me!” Lightning-Butt growled before I had even opened my mouth. “I heard what you did to Rarity and Applejack, and I don’t need you messing with the weather too!”
“You can’t be blaming me for a few little accidents can you?” I spoke with an air of innocence. Lightning-Butt only stared.
“You’re seriously not calling ruining two jobs ‘little accidents’ are you?” She snapped. “Because if you are…” She paused a moment, thinking. “Actually you know what, just stay there. I’ll be right back and you better not have moved so much as an inch by the time I get back.”
“What if my nose gets an itch?” I asked. “What if I get hungry, or have to find a washroom?”
“Ignore it, deal with it and hold it.” Lightning-Butt glared. “I’ll be back.” In the minute that she had gone I had time to think. As much as I hated to admit it, I had messed up pretty badly; for once. By the time Lightning-Butt had returned I already had a plan.
“Oh no way.” Lightning-Butt exclaimed. “I know what you’re doing. Don’t try to act all innocent!”
“Surely you’re not implying that I’m merely doing this as some form of trick.” I frowned.
“Well duh!” Lightning-Butt rolled her eyes. “The others may have fallen for your little innocence routine, but I see right through you.” Now it was my turn to roll my eyes.
“Look, you either swallow your pride and help me, or you try to sabotage me and Fluttershy gets mad at you.” I spoke simply. “But either way I’m doing this.” With a sigh and a nod, Lightning-Butt caved in.
It was late in the afternoon by the time we had finished doing everything. Balloon-Butt – with her infallible Pinkie Sense – was the first to arrive, closely followed by the other four.
“Look I know I’ve been a bit of a pain-” I began and was swiftly interrupted.
“A bit!?” Diamond-Butt exclaimed. Ignoring her I continued.
“But I just wanted you to know that I…” I stopped. “Well… That is to say…” I couldn’t do it. “Oh, just have some cake already!”
“Party!” Balloon-Butt exclaimed with a grin as she blew on a noisemaker.
“I think that was really sweet of you, Discord.” Fluttershy smiled sweetly. “I just knew you were nice on the inside.”
I hated to admit it, but the Element bearers had changed me for the better.