Chapter One

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Mr. Cake thrust his hooves forward, the tips curving in the air as if he cast a magical missile. He rubbed along his sharp greyish-black suit, eyes locking upon his reflection in the slender mirror. Rarity smiled for the umpteenth time. It wasn't that she knew he loved it, she never doubted that for a second, but that she'd be able to stop working early that day. Her insides tingled with anticipation.

"I can't believe it," he muttered, side-stepping to look at his shoulder.

"Believe it," Rarity replied, standing right alongside Mr. Cake. "We're completely done."

"This is more than perfect," he commented, sitting down in the huge white couch behind him. "You know that Mrs. Cake was looking forward to the anniversy for a long time."

"Yes, yes," Rarity said. Come on, now. You like it. I like it. Enough small talk. We're done her. I don't have much time left until I have to head to bed. Come on!

"And you've reproduced that whole outfit from Spectacle Springs on Secret Agent Stallions." His eyes traveled up to the matching fedora. "Flawless imitation. You know that it's her favorite show... SAS is always on."

"Yes, yes." Please, I can't make Miss_Everything_99 wait for that request any longer. She'll get so mad!

"And she'll be so thrilled to see me." Mr. Cake seemed in love with his reflection, his face looking like it lost several years with the enhanced confidence. "I'm like a doppelganger or something, but with my own spin on it."

"Yes!" You like it, okay then. Goodbye! Rarity trotted over to the middle of the boutique, standing right between the stallion and the door. She hoped that her head, curled subtly over to the door, gave enough of a sign.

"I suppose, like you said, only an enormous fellow fan of SAS would be able to get this done." Mr. Cake grinned from cheek to cheek.

Rarity tried to smile back, but her face seemed more strained. She couldn't help letting out some emotions. No need for blathering, please! She visualized her pPad sitting atop her pillows. All done, Mr. Cake. Now, bye!

"I wonder if I should keep my hat off, but then put it on right at the moment I enter, 'dramatic television trope' style." He fiddled with the fedora, his ears flicking backward.

Rarity wiggled with anticipation, trying her hardest not to blurt out anything rube. "Yes! Do it!" Her mane shifted over across her face.

"Right," he replied, and he turned completely around, looking at Rarity's odd expression. "Oh, I'm sorry. Am I keeping you from something.

Yes! Get out! "No, darling. I just planned to... well..." Rarity commented.

She didn't have to say another word. He apparently recalled something about what he had to do that night, and he tipped his hat while eyeing the door. Rarity silently picked up a big box with her magic, wrapping supplies lifted in toto as well. Mr. Cake ambled out of his outfit, Rarity magically clutching the pieces moment by moment. He made a happy sort of hi-sign at Rarity as he leaned up against the door.

"I'll see you later. It's always a pleasure," Rarity said, taking a torrent of little breaths afterward. Hurry is never an excuse for impropriety, as one must remember. She leaned back, putting on a content expression. She watched as Mr. Cake grabbed the wrapped box.

"Bye!" He trotted off back to Sugarcube Corner.

"Praise Celestia!" Rarity called out, slumping down on the ground. "But I have time. I have time. I have plenty of time." She sped upstairs, almost leaping over the stairs. She bounced into her bed and gazed at her pPad. She magically lifted it over as well as her old iced tea, still sitting at the nearby end table.

Rarity clicked the device on and took a sip. Ugh! Warm! She muttered a quick spell, causing a thick drippy wave of frost to shoot through the drink. Thank you Twilight for that one-- the giving spell that keeps on giving. She laughed at the memories as she flicked through some of the pPad's applications. More blasted emails? I'm sure that half of them are from that stupid PonyPoints coupon website. Why did I ever sign up for that trendy garbage!

She finally pulled up PonyTube. She paused at the front page. Kittens lifted by elevators onto the top of Canterlot castle? Why don't those silly unicorns ever use more direct magic? Teleportation or something, maybe... She came up upon another video from PinkiePie's account-- this one from her battle with Discord over how many jellybeans someone can suck up her nose with through a straw. Ewwwww. Just... ewwwwwww. Rarity rubbed her hooves against her chin. Forget that stuff! It's time to watch the newest episode!

Rarity clicked over to her subscriptions page, and she gazed upon the variety of fare recently offered by the Equestrian Public Broadcasting Station's web-service. Oh, goodness! Another episode of Uptown Abbey just came out as well! She spotted an interview with Derpy Breeze on the EPBS Newshour program, talking with Judy Woodhoof about the commute to and from Canterlot for her husband's job. Oh, goodness! How can poor Derpy stand to wear that bland, brown dress? Not to mention that HORRID set of stripes along the shoulders!

She eyed a link at the bottom of the screen-- 'Foal's Programming'. She often giggled at that title. Well, if they wanted to make My Little Human for foals only, they sure as Celestia's mane failed miserably at that! She knew the new episode's title, of course, somepony had leaked it weeks in advance. The important thing is that they're finally giving Pete his own episode! Finally, he's been promoted to more than just a mere 'Background Human.' Rarity feasted on the description as her mouse clicked the link

Series: My Little Human: Progress Is Scientific

Title: Saturday Night's (Alright For Magnetic Fighting)

Synopsis: Peter Townsend gets tired of just cleaning the boys' garage, and he determines to tag along in the their next adventure. Meanwhile, some happy-go-lucky humans find their things lost as they go on a bicycle ride through the town's abandoned shipyard. Elton gets a call from an old friend that the Good Luck Bar needs a new piano player for their next several sets. The boys take their Rock-N-Roll Mobile® over to the seaside, and Elton takes off. In the group's time of need, could Peter be christened as one of the Damonas? This episode explains the science of magnetism.

Time: 30:20 minutes

Guest Voices: Hoity Toity as Peter Townsend
Fleur De Lis as JP Harvey

Hoity Toity and Fleur De Lis? Wow! Those prodcuers have some deep connections. And, most importantly of all, it's another Elton J, Damona centered epsiode! Rarity fell in love long ago with the tall, sharp, and flamboyant human-- hands smashing pianos with the force of a hurricane as his peacock-like frilly white suits wiggled and his huge eyes winked inside his oversized pink spectacles. In her eyes, everypony had to know the truth. Elton. Is. Best. Human. He's the bold, fast, and brash one! Rarity felt so reminded of a certain rainbow-maned mare.

Rarity hit play, leaning back on the pillows and magically lifting the pPad right over her head. She felt tingly with excitement, hooves rubbing up against each other. The screen went black, image going to full size. Time for the theme song!

Joey Damona pretended to burst through the black background, fourth-wall breaking being that human's specialty. He threw his head back and held his gigantic guitar in the air, the immortal instrument's blue sparkly print erupting with the power of science. Joey looked so adorable with his long black hair, mysterious black sunglasses, absurdly tall and skinny body, black and white striped shirt, and simple white Chuck Taylor sneakers. He has to be the second best human. For sure. He's the perpetually happy and bubbly one. Rarity pictured a certain bouncy pink mare.

Joey slammed his hand down on the guitar, bursting out with a torrent of tasty riffs. Rarity's heart raced. The camera panned down the other five humans, jumping out from off stage right and stage left onto their instruments. Freddie Damona did a split in front of the drums, leaning over as the camera panned out and revealed an enormous array of cables, pipes, tubes, wires, and other laboratory equpiment that put even Twilight to shame.

Damona sang out a powerful chord, pumping a victory fist as he wiggled in his tight, leapord-skin-print spandex. Rarity knew that most humies viewed Freddie, the amazing vocalist human with the second-best smarts in the bunch yet a demure and lonely personality that emphasized loving all kinds of animals, as best human. It's that stupid mustache splattered on his face, though. I'll never like it.

"Hey, ho! Let's go!"

Rarity cranked the volume up, her hooves pumping and sweat beading along her mane.

"Hey, ho! Let's go!" The camera flipped between the musicians as they called their chant out. "Hey, ho! Let's go!"

"Let's go, darling!" Rarity hollered.

"They're kickin' off that old line!" Joey smacked shoulder to shoulder against Freddie, both of them giggling with pure joy. "They're advancin' everyone's mind!" Elton rattled through a bunch of piano chords, hands moving too fast to see. "The kids discover all the time!" Joey spun around in place as he sped through the notes like a buzz-saw. "That science rocks!"

"Science rocks!" Rarity repeated, hooves waving with full force as she hopped up on the bed.

"They're piling in our back seat!" Moon Damona pounded his drums, head spinning out of control like an animal. They're gettin' people on their feet!" Moon threw himself backward, feet mercilessly beating the kick-drums, as he let out a deep snarl. "Discoverin' and thinkin' is their beat!" Joey winked at the camera, clutching the mike right besides his cheek. "'Cuz Science Rocks!"

"Science rocks!" Rarity jumped up on the sheets and looped in the air, the pPad magically swinging in a circle around her head.

"Hey, ho, let's go," Joey sang, fist lining up besides Freddie's. William Nye Demona, the bandleader and the most certifiable genius in the bunch, rippled his arms across an array of electronic knobs and sliders to make some wonderful "bleep, blork, bloop" noises. "Learning all the facts now!" Bill hopped over to Moon, doing a cartwheel in the air. "What they want, we all know!" Joey somehow sped through even faster, just smoking through notes. "They're fillin' their brains, and ready to go!" Everyone's fists pumped straight upwards. "Since! Science! Rocks!"

"SCIENCE ROOOOOOOCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKSSSSSSSSSSS!" Rarity screamed at full volume, bouncing up and almost slamming her head into the ceiling. She took a moment to wiggle her legs before realizing that she stood on thin air. Rarity fell back down, magically sliding over the pillows and tumbling in a heap onto the floor.

*Bump!*

"Rarity?" called out a familiar young voice from downstairs.

She froze.

"What are all the noises going on up there?" Sweetie Belle asked, starting to head upstairs.

"Nothing, darling. Nothing. Just the, uh, normal noises for sure," Rarity replied. She clicked over to pause the video, lowering the volume. "Just go back to bed."

"I still think it's weird, weird, weird that you like a show that I don't like that was made for my age, just for little fillies."

"Back to bed, please, Sweetie Belle," Rarity responded. She waited with baited breath. She heard some shuffling around, and she sighed. She frowned. Well, so what if she doesn't see what's so absolutely precious about My Little Human. For crying out loud, it's about cartoon characters spreading caring and love through science while driving a super-car powered by rock n' roll. What's not to love?. Rarity sat back on her bed and scrolled through her applications.

Oh, I still haven't checked PISfiction... I had all those requests to do and especially that proofreading that I promised as well. She paused, feeling such an odd sense of this starting to seem like work as well as feeling a rush of enjoyment. Oh, well, I suppose one has to find fun from work and work from fun. That's life.

She smiled as she gazed upon the Elton background of PISfiction, the pianist poised with his beautiful diamond-studded outfit from the Gala episode. That has to be my favorite episode. That, or the one where Joey confessed his love for Nash Kate Damona, which wasn't much of a secret to begin with. She always felt irritated that the show only really had one 'canon paring'-- especially given that Katie, as she liked to be called as revealed in the season two opener, was the only female main character. It cut down so much on m/f shipping possibilities as well, unless an author made up some more human OCs.

Rarity scrolled through the front page of new fanfics, and she cringed. She hated seeing how these authors screwed up their human OCs, making them all super cool and overly talented just like the main cast and making all of them musicians. Still, that all read like official Canterlot poetry compared to the pony-in-Guyville self-insert dreck. The latter point just grinded her gears, and Rarity stopped her mouse over a particularly egregious story.

Humie in Guyville: This Time, It's Personal

well, this is my frst fanfic so plz don't be a grammer griffin. ANyways, Spring Step was just another normal humie, going about her day, but then-- all of a suddenly-- he walked into a portal set up by Ozzy Osmare (eeeeeeeyup, it's another crossover folks). she's a pony in the human world! Short story short (see what I did? l.o.l out loud), Spring gets a guitar in her hooves and becomes a rock masture with a few extra bits of Bill Nye's SCIENCE! *Pic taken from Scooby-Dooby-Scuba on HumanChan, many thankings!*

998 Views

Thirteen Comments

Rarity took a deep breath, and she slid the cursor down to the comments. She felt almost like a pony walking besides a cart-crash with bones broken, she couldn't bear to look away. Please, please, please... let the first comment not be...

No_Limit_Coltcuddler: F.I.R.S.T.

"You're the bane of my internet existence, No_Limit_Coltcuddler!" Rarity called out, wiggling her hoof in the air. She took a deep breath, and she scrolled down. I can't expect any better, can I?

MapleJack101: Wow, let me just break this down for you. And I must say that I hope that Equestrian isn't your native language or something, because I'll be honest and not nice.

One-- Learn the term 'Mary Sue'. Learn it well. Spring Step literally crosses all the Ts and dots all the Is. Do the humans like her the moment that she shows up in Guyville? Yep. Do the humans get surprised at her being non-human, but they don't mind a few sections later? Yep. Does one of the MAIN BUCKING CAST MEMBERS fall for Spring after only a few sections of horrifyingly generic ping-pong dialogue? Yep. Does Spring manage to play a guitar, an instrument-- we must note-- that's made for human beings with fingers and without magic and not ponies with hooves and magic, without even a second's problem? Yep.

Second-- learn to spell. Seriously.

Third-- learn to use quotes. Seriously.

Forth-- I'm going to stop right here. *Clicks away to watch Uptown Abbey*

Rarity's mouth hung open. "Well, MapleJack101, you bite another newbie," she muttered. Oh, dear, I agree with almost every word you posted. But you needed to catch those flies with honey and not vinegar! She could sense what happened next in the comments already.

700-Degree-Mare: (quoted MapleJack101)
>Likes Uptown Abbey
>Confirmed for faget

One_room_Stallion: (quoted 700-Degree-Mare)
>Immmpppllying implications

DoctorApples: well, i for one liked it. You may not have grammar or that stuff going for you, but it was sure funny as anything.

[insert humie clap here]

Todd_the_not_so_human: It was enjoyable, but... I guess... disposable. I have to say, though, please write moar and soon! Moar! [Elton smiles]

700-Degree-Mare: (quoted One_room_Stallion)

...

"No! How dare that ignorant parasprite use my own photoshopped image of Elton against one of my friends!" Rarity leaned up and prepared to sign in, determined to write a nasty personal message to 700-Degree-Mare. Her hoof wavered just a millimeter away from the screen. No. I promised myself after that horrible, horrible thread two months ago. No more Ponynet flame warring.

She clicked back over to the mane page instead. Let's just see if I got any new comments on my own stories. She went back over to the sign-in section, smiling this time. Isn't it funny? I see Dash, Twilight, Rainbow, and everypony else every day. Yet I see these almost imaginary ponies, or ponies pretending to be humans, even more. It's so surreal.

UserName: Silent_Rainbows

Password: authorsareliquid

She could thank Sweetie Belle for that account information at least, even if the young filly hardly could stand the show. Sweetie's oddly difficult question to Twilight several weeks ago-- "if rainbows are made of lights, light is an electromagnetic wave, waves are made of special packets of energy that act like matter, and those waves often make sound because the packets interact with matter, then do rainbows make sound?", stuck in Rarity's mind like gum to one of Cheerilee's desks. Rarity made up her password on the fly. She saw the loading icon appear, and she shivered with anicimatpion.

Messages: 0

Rarity let out a soft moan for a split-second.

Notifications: 24

Rarity burst out with a sugary "Squee!" She took a deep breath and then clicked every single notification, a tab popping up second by second. She sunk back into the pillows, a little pop of joy going off in her mind with every single "floop" sound with each message. Of course, most of them had to be for the same three new stories that she'd run through, and the whole thing wasn't necessary. That didn't make it any less fun.

She went over to the first tab, seeing the fanfic that she put up right before getting back to work that afternoon. She grinned as well as blushed, her cheeks flowering with a soft red. Her mind flashed through, almost like watching a movie, the scenes she had dreamed up.

When Elton's Keys Broke

A particularly fiery performance at Club JoyLuck in Boystown causes a derilict spotlight to fall straight down from the rafters onto the stage. Elton steps away just in time, but his piano's specially ordered keys are ruined. Dealing with the legal mumbo-jumbo, he has to fight back against some downtown Boystown suits to get the blasted things replaced. Kate stands up for herself for the first time in ages, and the humans bond after a late night just hanging out, enjoying the city. Can love be in the air? Please note that this mature story contains shameless Katelton shipping.

569 Views

Eight Comments

"Oh, how incredibly wonderful to see eight comments already," Rarity said. Although, a parasprite fic will get twice that amount in the same time. She never could force herself to write one of those dreadful things, though. Even as a parody, it felt so counter-intuitive. She lived and breathed for shipping-- the more sweet and tender the lovemaking scenes the better. Rarity's heart seemed to quiver as she looked up at the votes.

Hooves-Up: 48 Clops
Hooves-Down: 16 Clops

That's a lot of down-hooves. Rarity pulled a hoof through her mane, curling around in her cuddly bead. At least a third or so. And I'll bet that not a single one of those ponies posted any constructive criticism. They were just drive-by clowns, throwing a pie at your face before scurrying away in their miniature cart.

She slid down the comments themselves, and she made a happy sigh. Oh, why do I care about those neigh-sayers? Forget them. I have my fans. She had such an easy time becoming one of the best known romantic authors on the website. She could always check out her main user page for a nice ego-boost, gazing upon the numerous little icons of watchers and the bevy of happy shouts on her chat section. She did it a lot more times a day then she'd be willing to admit in public... assuming that she'd ever talk about being an intense fanmare for such a foal's show in public.

No_Limit_Coltcuddler: I CAN HAS FIRSTIES < Plox

Rarity toyed with the idea of deleting the little twerp's comment, but she just shrugged. Best to let her get hoisted by her own petard. After all, that annoying author had only written two fanfics, Kate Fellates a Stallion's Sack and Derpy Hooves, Raped By Humans, both of which supplied readers with exactly what was said on the title. Rarity, on a dare from her best fan The-Big-Humie, once tried to make it through Derpy Hooves, Raped By Humans. She had even made the mistake to eat lunch before clicking it, too. That screen took so long to wash afterwards... bucking parasprites.

MisterMare: Oh, praise Celestia, more Katelton shipping... and the sex scene is beyond words... I've got nothing. *Throws bits at the screen*

Rarity gazed at the black and white caricature of Princess Luna that MisterMare used as her avatar. She's like a surrogate sister almost. I know so much about her, and I've never even met her. Although... She paused before looking at the rest of the comments. I don't even know what she really looks like. She suddenly giggled. I don't even know if 'she' is really a 'she'. She then moved on.

Big_Mac's_Hat: I got started reading fapfics because of... well...

Oh, geez, I had promised myself a long time ago that I wasn't going to be associated with this stuff. Then, here you come along, and you write some such beautiful things. I feel inspired to do something myself, although mine would be more foal-rated.

Please keep on writin', sugarcube.

Rarity flipped like a weather-vane in between thinking that Big_Mac's_Hat was Applejack and thinking that Big_Mac's_Hat was somepony making fun of Applejack. Either way seemed about as likely. Either way, Rarity adored that mare, especially the smoothly drawn fanart on her user page. She does guitars so well. All the details on all the strings look fantastic.

Fran_the_Fran: All I can say is-- voting up.

Snake-In-The-Plot: I can't add anything. It's my voice in the chorus. This is what shipping should be. This is what shipping must be.

Miss_Everything_99: This one was bad... in that it was TOO BUCKING SHORT! Write more epic 75K word love myths like 'The Pony's Best Nightmare'. Please.

CelestiaAteMyHomework: Must... not... clop... AH! *votes up*

"Oh, you're all too sweet," Rarity whispered. "So sweet!" She fanned herself with mock melodrama, especially loving the mention of her surprise mega-hit with thousands of views, The Pony's Best Nightmare. Seriously, I can hardly stand it anymore. I. Must. Meet. These. Mares. Right now! She had long dreamed about a big party, probably down at 'Lulu's'- an open-minded nightclub with a private party space naturally secluded by beautiful oak trees.

The manager, some relative of Strawberry Dawn and Twist, had a scarily similar mane-style and glasses to that nerdy foal as well as Twist's endlessly kind personality. The only problem would be keeping Pinkie Pie away from our My Little Human meet-up. Or maybe she IS Snake-In-The-Plot? Rarity sniffed, trying not to burst out laughing at the thought. Maybe. Who knows! I don't. Not yet, anyways. She went back to the comments.

Todd_the_not_so_human: I rate you, uhhhhh, ten bananas out of ten bananas.

JoeyDamonaSmugGrin.jpeg

NonFanMare: Wait, hold on? This is shipping with Elton? The flamboyant one? And it's not m/m?

The-Big-Humie: Well, Silent_Rainbows, what do we have here? You went ahead and wrote out my request. And this fast of a turnaround? My, my. I'd say that you write like a machine, except that no machine can make these kinds of wonderful stories. I'm very happy to see this.

I wish there was some way that I could thank you personally in a nature befitting this sensual fanfic (wink, wink), but, alas, technology isn't there. Yet. *upvotes with extreme prejudice*

Rarity's eyes didn't want to move from TBH's wonderful avatar. That portrait of the drummer, Moon, hoof drawn somehow with fascinating attention to getting everything right from eyebrows to seductive smile, always grabbed her attention. What's more, she couldn't have asked for a better message. "Oh, darling, so you say that you'd like to thank me personally," Rarity muttered. She found her shoulders wiggling with anticipation. She clicked over to TBH's user page, and she read through the user description for the umpteenth time.

The words kept changing around. Rarity loved it every time. He says, "Writing for those other ponies out there that see in fiction what's hard to find in real-life. Jumps with soft landings. Contentment mixed with a little danger. I can't quite put it into words, but I suppose that writing allows me to explore what makes ponies really feel happy. Not just play happy, being happy because everpony around . I guess this is just a meandering expression for 'I write erotic romances about humans.' Thanks for reading. *Kisses*"

Somehow, reading that implied kiss gave Rarity the same joy as anticipating the real thing. "And I will have the real thing, TBH, mark my words. You can tease, tease, tease, but someday I'm going to make you please, you romantic stallion you," Rarity said. She browsed through some of TBH's old works.

When Hands Touch Hooves

Just the title brought a flutter to Rarity's heart, her mane wiggling up against her shoulders. She had read the story dozens upon dozens of times. She'd have to check it out once again, this time just for inspiration in her new fanfictions.

15,469 Views

Two-hundred-five Comments

Rarity scrolled over to the midpoint of the story, the "first consummation moment" as TBH remarked. He deserves those views. Every last bucking one of them. Rarity already posed her hooves against her belly, making little circles in her warm fur.

His face buried deep into my mane, bringing him tingles of sheer pleasure. I knew that he loved my sleek, wonderfully smooth blue locks-- brushing it, petting it, putting his talented hands through it, and letting it go all along his handsome features. I loved those talented touches as well, with him falling in love with every supple curve.

However, my heart lead me someplace else. I needed more. He brought me so close to the edge, his kisses moving down my neck over to my wanting chest. His tongue explored across my fur, ripples of joy coursing through my body. Yet he still managed to bring my mane along for the fun, curling around my own body as well.

He brought me so close, but he had to go over the edge. It had to be that time. I took a deep breath, my hooves sliding up his slender shoulders. I leaned back into the sheets, poising his body on top of mine. His hands nudged down to my belly. I gazed into his eyes. He gazed into mine. The mere three-letter word "sex" could barely describe what he wanted to do, to feel me. To have me. To take me.

Several minutes later, Rarity magically lifted over a scroll and pen from the set of cups behind her. She glanced up at Lulu's little Yellow Page listing online, and she started jotting her plans down. TBH... you're going to be a lot more than just a blank username to me. And very soon. I promise you that.

To Be Continued...

Chapter Two

View Online

Rarity paused, hoof hovering over the pPad. Oh, goodness, I've already reserved this time for Twilight's dress design. Why am I just sitting here? Twilight had wanted something new, and Rarity knew that she didn't have that much time to waste online. She leaned to the side, looking out at the empty expanse of her boutique. A few ponies walked about outside. Twilight had even said she wanted to look "bold". Her words, goodness... being "bold" instead of practical. It's like the world has ended.

Still, the flashing screen pulled at her. Like an iron filling besides a magnet, Rarity could hardly resist. Oh, I guess I can just check the rest of my comments. She took a gulp. "Now, Rarity, you know that you'll start with that," she told herself, "but those minutes will turn into hours. You'll fritter so much time with silly ping-pong banter with other PISfiction users. You're not even going to write anything, just be senselessly social with pseudo-anonymous ponies." Rarity's heart didn't listen to a word she said, and she opened back up the PISfiction application.

One_room_Stallion: I have to say that I think you've lost it with this one, Silent_Rainbows, and I know that this story is well-written. That's not the point. It's that you've-- gosh-- you've used these powers for evil instead of good.

I'm sorry, I know I'm being melodramatic, but bondage has to be my pet peeve. And here you are, putting poor Peter Townsend into handcuffs and mouth gags. Why would you do this to Equestria's favorite background human?!

Fran_the_Fran: Two words= STAY KINKY

Kinks are sexy.

Rarity giggled. Oh, if only Braeburn knew that his photo would get viral. He'd probably rip the camera right out of Twilight's hooves, not wanting to become such eye candy. Nice meme, though: "Ridiculously Handsome Stallion" / "R.H.S." She slipped back up to the top of the window. The ego boost came right back to her, making her swoon.

Peter's Hot Cocoa

Because sometimes mares fall in love, and sometimes those mares happen to fall in love with cartoon humans. Because sometimes ponies have a craving for chocolate milk, and sometimes that milk gets heated up by accidental mishaps and spilled across human's clothes. Because sometimes sipping that milk through clothes is both practical and hot, while other accidental activities that leave fictional bipeds bound just spices things up. This is in response to a request by MisterMare for Peter shipping as well as request by SpongeCrustTail for chocolate used during BDSM. Thanks for reading.

1,898 Views

Thirty Comments

She flicked back down to the comments, gazing idly at the wall besides her. Almost a thousand views already, and it's just been less than two days. I'm a celebrity. I'm one of the most popular ponies there-- the most popular pony that everypony should know. Her mind, filled with bliss, floated down from the sky back to her head, and she focused on the last comment. Her blood immediately started to chill. Her smile shifted over to a frown.

Scooby-Dooby-Scuba: Well, well, well... what do we have here?

A talent-less hack now becomes an art thief, using my pic for illustration without permission. You know, much as I can't stand your pointless work (following every trope that comes into style with barely any originality), I would have most likely said yes if you had, I don't know, SENT ME A MESSAGE OR SOMETHING

And this comes right on the heels of you copying almost scene by scene a fic that I did months ago for your awful human on pony Nash Kate Damona fic. I'm not so mad about that since you're story is half as talented as mine. You can take you tropes and your bestiality, and cram it right up your plothole.

Take my image down. Now. Do it or I'll have your story killed by Knifely, who just happens to be a good friend of mine in real life. Hope you take me seriously. I'd hate to have the mods crack down on you again (guess you have a history of not playing nice with others). How dare you think slime such as you can offend us popular authors.

Rarity wanted to vomit. Calling me a "hack"? Me? When your own stories are riddled with the passive voice and grammatical error after you, you have the nerve to type that garbage? She felt something like sandpaper scratching right up her back, covering her cheeks. She took a deep breath. And don't get me started on "bestiality"! Goodness, these humans can talk. They walk. They operate expensive machinery. They play music. You seriously think that they can't give consent? That they're like mere apes or dogs in our world or something?

She stopped, suddenly realizing that she had teared up a bit. Oh... that... that... horrible witch. She slid her hoof over and started to edit the story. Knifely would never take her side. It's a Ponypedia Creative Commons image. PCC licensing lets anyone copy it for any use. She slid her head to the side, and she killed the image anyway. She started to make a response, but she simply stared at the commenting section of the screen.

"Can't play well with others?" Rarity mouthed. She stood up. No... I promised myself. I'd never flame anyone. Not after Derpy Hooves And Her Magical Girl. She clicked back to the main PISfiction page, and she got up. She walked over to her plate of teas, preparing another kettle. It's not fair! Ponies can rape, murder, torture, enslave, and do whatever they want to these fictional cartoon humans. Anypony that objects gets blasted. Oh, sure, I got carried away. I don't like seeing ponies write about children getting hurt. That's the line. It's ugly if you do it to fictional men, but the moment the little fictional girls get the knife to the face-- I'm not going to pretend that I like you as an author or a friend.

She sat back down. No... I'll go crazy if I go through this again. She put her hooves against her cheeks. Have some tea, and get it off of your mind. Seriously, dozens of ponies praise your work. Are you going to let one or two neigh-sayers make you cry? She shook her head no at her own question, even though she feared having Scooby-Dooby-Scuba's comment ripple across her brain that night as she tried to sleep.

*Ding!*

"Oh, quick somepony's coming!" Rarity rattled off under her breath, frantically clicking over to the other page. She smiled wide as Roseluck opened the door. "I'm so happy to see you. May I help you?" Rarity put on a smile, eyes still slyly glancing down at the pPad. Judy Woodhoof kept on talking about Princess Celestia's health care payment reform package over at the EPBS Newshour video. Oh, good, I clicked in time. I'm not outed as a humie.

"Oh, I uh..." Roseluck muttered as Rarity shifted in place, sitting on a chair right in front of the mare.

"Yes, darling, what is it?"

"It's... just..." Roseluck looked tense from the atttention.

"Yes?" Rarity stood up, leaning over. She knew she had to act friendly and curteous; she had an obligation not just a proper mare but as an independent businesspony to do so. Her mind kept on zapping back to the PISfiction page open on the other tab. That inspid little Scooby-Dooby-Scuba will be the death of me. Her hear raced, still stinging from the flaming comments.

"Can I... use your bathroom?"

Rarity halted, realizing that moment by moment she had leaned up until Roseluck's face was just inches away. "Oh, yes, of course," she commented, sitting back down. "Just head right past the tie racks, and it's the second door on your left." Calm down, Rarity! Don't let the silly website get to you. It's just a fandom!

"Thanks," Roseluck replied. Her face had a blank expression, cheeks blushing a little as well.

Rarity tried to calm herself down. She followed Roseluck for a moment, halting as the mare stared back with a confused look flashing over her face. Rarity realized the impropriety of accompanying the mare into the bathroom, and she turned over to the nearby kitchenette. Back to my senses, now. She magically poured the kettle into some more cups of tea, trying to ease her breathing.

"Relax, Rarity," she muttered. It's not just a fandom. I know that. My Little Human is part of my life now. These humans... might as well be real. By Celestia's mane, maybe they are real. She walked over to the window, looking up at the clear blue sky above. Out there, somewhere, Peter might be slamming away at his guitar. He's thinking that we're the fictional ones. Who knows?

She sat back on the table. She took a nice long sip of tea, savoring the almost cotton-candy like flavoring that Pinkie had given her. The idea of it as a tea flavor seemed atrocious at first, but the earth pony was right on the money. What's important about My Little Human the message; it's what the show means to me and the rest of the humies. What Joey Damona always taught was that it doesn't matter too much on the outside-- how you walk, talk, dress, and so on-- what matters on the inside is your heart. Do you want to make the planet a better place? Do you believe in yourself? Rarity relaxed. "Joey was mocked. Then, he rocked." She smiled as she recited the season one tagline to herself.

*Pop!*

She swung around in the chair, staring back at the pPad's screen. She put down the tea. She almost bit her lip.

Messages: 2

"Oh, dear sweet Celestia, let it not be Knifely," she whispered. "Let it not be Scooby-Dooby-Scuba." She clicked, her hoof shivering from fear. The emotional strain felt as real as a face to face fight with her five best friends.

CelestiaAteMyHomework: Consider it done, my friend! I'm so looking forward to seeing you in person. I'll have to find out a replacement for taking care of the tiny ones, but that shouldn't be too hard. Their ponies are so understanding. I can't tell you how much I'm looking forward to this party! Oh, goodness! I was hyperventilating so hard writing this that I had to stop and let somepony else edit the message.

Otherwise, it would have been: isoahgasdhgjhg DID ihakh YOUddkdla Say Ppppappaprty! ;I can't ahand oh yeahs tis itime and i've only ewnwjaf and ...

And so on. He's such a nice guy for proofreading this for me. And he's smart and handsome to boot. See you at Lulu's on Wednesday night! *smothers you in hugs*

"Wow," Rarity muttered, rubbing a hoof against her chin. "Well, for starters-- 'smart and handsome to boot'? 'Nice guy'? Hehe, silly editor!" She magically lifted over another tea. "That breakdown at the mere word 'party' certainly reminds me of somepony. Yet, then, I had always pegged Snake-In-The-Plot as her. Who on earth can Snake-In-The-Plot be?" Somepony so energetic and always positive... Cheerilee? She snorted at the thought of a foal's teacher secretly obssessive over characters from a foal's cartoon show, and she clicked to the other message.

The-Big-Humie: Thank you for your kind words.

Rarity found her breathing getting fainter, picturing TBH sitting there right behind her. The stallion, or at least that pony that identified as a stallion, had such a way with words. She always mentally pictured him as a shady figure, a black outline that she couldn't quite see yet still noticed a warm, smooth aura around. She could feel him. His unidentifiable voice whispered into her ear like a creature from her most erotic dreams, telling her everything that she could ever want. I have to meet you. I have to know that you said 'yes'.

I'll be honored to meet with you at Lulu's on Wednesday night.

"Squee!" Rarity squeaked. She shifted about in her chair, feeling a grin form from cheek to cheek. She read on, still jiggling with sheer joy.

It sounds so interesting to finally but faces to mere ponynet handles. I wonder why ponies haven't thought of that before. Meeting everyone from you to NonFanMare to Todd_the_not_so_human to Fran_the_Fran and the rest (no offense to the ponies that I left out; I love them all) will be a treat. Not just that, but a joy.

"And everyone will be there," Rarity muttered. She looked up to see Roseluck walking over besides her, awkardly smiling. Rarity just froze. Roseluck made for the door, clearly feeling pre-occupied about something else. Rarity's eyes traced her movements. Come on, then! You exist in real-life too, not just the ponynet. Be normal. "Goodbye, darling." She waved. Roseluck waved back, and she shut the door gently.

Everyone was going to be at the shindig. That took so much of the romantic thrill of finally having TBH out of it. Of course, Rarity couldn't just invite TBH only. That would have been so uncouth, so undignified. Rarity stayed away from those "personals"-type websites like a fly avoiding ointment. Nothing better than prostitution, really. Those mares don't know that love, real love, is a thousand times better than flesh slapping around with ponies that you don't even like.

Not everypony could go. In fact, Rarity's thread over in the group 'Fanfic Writing for Newbies and for Helping'-- the most popular group by the number of commentators-- had about half of those responding declining to attend. Several felt shy, and others lived miles and miles away. Still, Rarity had a burning fire of hope around her heart. Let there be enough to make a nice scene, but not too much that I miss him completely. Oh, please Celestia, help me.

I really look forward to seeing you, maybe-- just maybe-- sharing one of those cliche'd 'last dances' out in the moonlight. Maybe reenacting some of our favorite scenes from our favorite fics such as the one where the lost, humble peasant human romances the cold, dark princess. You know: Seeing her there, bathed in the shimmering glow, showed the caring and tender girl buried inside the frigid shell of royalty. He put his hands over hers, and she naturally held him closer. He knew the bond separating them had shattered. Sounds like fun. More than fun. I'll see you there.

Sincerely,
The-Big-Humie

"A romance in a slow dance!" Rarity called out. She slid the pPad to the side as she leaned her head down. She breathed in a full dose of tea, hooves rubbing along the warm sides. Her eyes closed, almost feeling happy tears coming.

Love me. Kiss me. Hold me. Thrill me. She hugged herself. Her mind flashed back to the various stallions that she had met up with in Ponyville as well as in Canterlot and Cloudsdale. They had nice flanks, nice, deep voices, nice manes, nice tails, nice strengths, and the rest. They didn't have the heart. She glanced at her reflection in the shimmering tea water. Somehow, being what the other mares called 'a perfect ten' didn't help. It almost, somehow, made things worse.

Being miles wide meant being an inch deep as well. Rarity wouldn't complain, but she felt so limited. She felt like a painting, admired for her beauty but otherwise treated as a prop-- just meant to be there. Ponies judged her by her looks. She looked like an escort. Those ignorant, overly masculine stallions all treated her as such.

"But him!" She swooned. He loves me for me. He's attracted to me for me. He's never seen a picture. He's never heard my voice. All he knows... is my..." Rarity put a hoof to her chest, feeling her heart beat. "What's inside. What I've spilled online."

The heart... She froze. She immediately hopped upwards, standing atop the table and almost knocking the bunch of teacups over. "The heart! That's it! I-d-e-a!" She called out in a sing-song voice.

She magically pulled over sections of vibrant crimson fabric. Batches of white thread and silver glitter sailed in the air overhead. As her magic filled the room, she smiled once more. "That's what Twilight needs-- to pour her heart out. I'll make her the red dress of a sultry Canterlot songstress, the type of mare that would charm a millionaire in the Avalon club. Something that's bold and brash, especially with the silver touches of a mare looking like royalty!"

As she got started on the outfit, she stopped for a moment to glance at the pPad's screen. She made a happy sigh as her eyes ran over the message once more. I won't forget about you, my darling mysterious stallion. I'll be the belle of our ball as your mask comes off.

"A romance," she sang to herself, "in a slow dance."

To Be Continued...

Chapter Three

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Rarity rubbed her head against the pile of pillows, trying to force that feeling down. She had turned all of the lights off, nothing remaining except the soft moonlight creeping out the big oval windows. She opened her mouth, taking in a little breath. She leaned her hooves over.

Empty. Like always. She rolled to the side, her long, fizzy mane rubbing all over her shoulders. She stared straight upwards, eyes right on the blank white ceiling. Empty... Of course, Sweetie Belle had every right to stay with her friends, least of all when it had to do with a legitimate class project for Cheerilee.

Rarity also had no reason to feel as if anything was wrong. She'd had solitary nights in far worse places than her own house. Her eyes slanted down the wall over to the clock. Not quite 2am, and that's not as bad as... I thought it would say.

She tossed around for the umpteenth time. She tried putting her front hooves over the sheets. That hardly helped. She heard a soft scurrying above the rooftop, probably another one of those owls that had popped up around her part of town. She started to picture the feathery creature, living totally alone, but another set of scratchy noises immediately followed. Even he's got someone... isn't that right?

She kicked herself upwards, getting out of the sheets altogether. She rubbed them along her side, clutching a big hunk of the sheets like a pony-body-sized pillow. She took a deep breath. It's not right. I know it means a lot to me, but I can't let it affect me so much. It's just a show. She rubbed her head against her mane. Just a show. Just a show. She felt herself beginning to tear up again, and she cut herself off by turning over once again.

"It's a show," she whispered to herself, voice so quiet that she couldn't even hear herself. "Pony writers made it to sell foal's 'science kits'. To sell them education toys. To sell toys, praise Celestia. They're made up characters." She knew she was lying to herself with those last words. She knew it as clearly as she knew that the sun would rise the next day.

She heard the lines from the episode replay in her mind once again, nose sniffling. She insisted to herself that she wouldn't cry again. Her body had her mind scream at it. Her mind just cycled through her thoughts as she had watched it, the characters feeling so real that she could almost touch them.

The show had went:

"If I didn't wake up tomorrow, would anyone really miss me?" Joey remarked to Katie, leaning over the railing. He looked off into the distance, taking in that seaside atmosphere besides the docks. He anxiously fingered his dark glasses around those long, gangly fingers of his. "I don't mean 'feel sad', that's just something that's on the surface. More of that social stuff."

Poor Joey, always suffering from that social anxiety of his, never could manage that 'social stuff' very well. That's why he had his bandmates-- his family by another name. Yet he always thought, deep down in those almost forth-wall breaking monologues every couple episodes, that he held them back, being so shy.

"What do you mean?" Katie asked, walking over besides Joey. She didn't get too close. She simply gazed off into the sunset as well. Her long, soft hair shifted in the ocean wind.

"What I mean is," Joey said, putting his glasses back on. The true fans, the humies, all knew that he did that so that no other human would see him crying. "Would it make a difference. Would everyone else truly 'miss me', or would they see me as a passing thing in their life. One of those 'little nice things' like a painting on the wall or a potted plant in the corner that you like but you don't care, deep down, as it comes and goes?"

Katie simply sighed rather than give an answer. She stood up from the railing, folding her hands together. Just her pose said enough. She could hardly understand him despite the fact that they'd tried some real 'dates' besides merely friendly bantering with each other on set. His confession changed a lot of things, but it didn't change Joey's inherently shy nature. Peter, on the other hand, had more than just talent and ambition. He had that amorphous thing that women kept mentioning in the show. That 'humanity'.

"You love her. You love her so much," Rarity whispered, grabbing the sheets tightly and holding them against her chest. "And you're letting her go. Just because you can't believe in yourself." She took a gulp, feeling her eyes water. You don't think you're capable of real love, having a real relationship. "Go after her. Fight back. Do something."

"I'll see you later," Katie finally said. She walked off, heading towards the part of the shipyard where those kids had been trapped by the massive electromagnet earlier in the episode.

Joey slumped down to the ground, still holding the railing. He whistled. The camera panned out, and the whistled turned into singing.

The scene flashed over to the rest of the gang, moving around their band equipment. Katie walked over to Peter, and they took hands, both of them grinning from cheek to cheek. The credits rolled in a moment with Joey's song coming up faintly.

"She went away for the holidays," he sang, standing up. "Said she's going to L.A." He stepped over to his skateboard. "But she never got there. She never got there." He kicked the side, activating the rockets. "She never got there, they say-y-y-y-y. The P-e-t-e-r took my baby away." As he flew across the concrete over to the Damona's Rock-N-Roll Mobile, he sputtered out one last verse.

"I hope that they would miss me."

"They would miss me!" Rarity squeaked. She opened her eyes. "People would get sad if I didn't exist, right?" She wiggled over to the left, sliding off some of the sheets. "Ughhhhh." She made a soft whine, rubbing her hooves against her temples.

It's only a show. It's only a show. She couldn't take it anymore. She let her tears drip down onto her pillows. I can't stand it. Why is it affecting me so much?

She sat upright. She gazed off at the window, seeing a very faint reflection of herself in the moonlight. I know why. I should stop lying to myself. She looked down at her front hooves, all perfectly done with such silky smooth white fur on her slender body, and she eyed her reflection, something choppy and distorted.

"But they would miss me. Twilight. Rainbow. Fluttershy. They'd miss me. They would," she said to herself, still crying but the tears easing up. "And they would really--" She pounded the pillows. "Really." She hit them again. "Mean it!"

She heard soft rustling against the window, maybe the rain finally coming down, and she stopped. She sighed. She curled her head down against the pillows. It's not just that. It's that he's... They couldn't have been less alike, of course. Nopony would ever had associated an elegant unicorn such as herself with an uncouth human that dressed as such a "punk", as his associates called him, with horrid hair, jacket, jeans, and glasses.

She knew more, though. She hadn't just grown to love him almost like Sweetie Belle as time went on. Episode after episode, from seeing him discover the power of buoyancy to rescue that sunken ship and retrieve the treasure from mere ping-pong balls to rejoicing as he finally spilled his feelings for Katie, he had become something more. She had started to see herself in him.

She put the sheets over her head, trying to force her mind to just wipe itself clean. Sleep! Sleep, for Celestia's sake, why can't I sleep!

"She went away for the holidays..."

Flashes of various stallions that she'd run into in Canterlot-- stallions that eyed her beauty and picked her up like an expensive broach only to toss her aside when another, even more beautiful and more posh mare sauntered into sight-- ran through her eyes. She banged her head against the pillows. She let out another, louder whine.

"I can't take it," she murmured. She tossed about once more, and she eyed the clock. "Really?" She put on a sarcastic tone. "2:49am?"

She kicked off of the bed, scratching around her body in a way that she'd be mortified to have other ponies see. She magically slid out the pPad from under her bed. The device clicked on and powered up.

*Pop!*

She clicked onto the main browser panel. A nice drawing of the moon coated in a sea of white tulips, made hundreds of years ago by Star Swirl the Bearded, decorated the area around the empty bar. She clicked, preparing to type.

Anything... anything to get my mind off of that show... She randomly typed 'Bra', eyes half closed. Not too surprisingly, the suggested search-line popped up various things about Braeburn. She chuckled.

Brae...
[+]Braecost industries
[+]Braeburn is gay
[+]Braeburn is not gay
[+]Braest political group
[+]Braeburn is sexy
[+]Braeburn is making foals with me
[+]Braeburn is secret royalty
[+]Braeburn hates his meme

Related Searches: [+]Ridiculously Handsome Stallion, [+]RHS, & [+]R.H.S.

"He seems straight as a Canterlot parks redwood to me," she muttered, clicking on the 'not gay' option. She found a mess of links, a few of them leading to sides with big red 'may harm your computer' labels besides them. She hovered her hoof over one to something called 'Rule_63_Braeburn_Princess_Celestia'. "Gosh, I wonder what that rule is." She rubbed her other hoof onto her cheek. "Probably more horrid pornography, maybe something done by some foal in her mother's basement. Is 63 one of those awful code words?"

She clicked over to the next page. She eyed the link right at the top of the screen. She could hardly breathe.

pisfiction.net/story/20889/Braeburn-Impregnates-Fifty-Humans%3-And-Fun-Begins

"Oh, dear sweet Celestia," she whispered. She started to click, but she froze halfway. Her eyes moved over to the clock. "3:15am?" A familiar voice inside of her called out for her to stop, turn the thing off, magically lift it over to the ground, and finally fall asleep. She felt her face scrunching. "This is... I'll just bookmark it for later."

Braeburn Impregnates Fifty Humans: And Fun Begins

Because sometimes stallions fall in love, and sometimes those stallions decide to share that love with an entire set of ovulating fictional bipeds. Because sometimes stallions don't use condoms, and sometimes they make the silly assumption that the sperm filling their marshmallow-candy-like pony cream have no affect inside human wombs. Because sometimes authors want to celebrate their two-hundred-and-fiftieth watcher (seriously, don't you ponies have lives or something?), by doing pure porn without plot. Warning: the forth wall will be mercilessly raped.

P.S. Stop stealing my "because sometimes" line, you pervs unless you want to pay via stimulation of an erotic nature. I know who you are. Seriously, keep stealing. I'm looking forwards to your payments.

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"Oh, it's you, isn't it?" Rarity muttered. She moved over to the author tab. "Fran_the_Fran, we meet again." And did she ever say if she's coming to my party? She opened the story. "Marshmallow-candy-like pony cream? Really, Fran_the_Fran?" Do I even WANT her to come?

Braeburn tossed about like Discord dancing to Cher, hooves losing control. He finally snapped out of it. He leaned upwards, trying to see. Everything just had a sheer white light obscuring all the details.

"Am I dead?" he muttered. He rubbed his front hooves over his face. "Is this heaven?"

A long, thin hand reach out from the blinding light, curling up around his golden mane. Fingers moved into his long, flowing strands. He said nothing, fighting back an involuntary whine.

"Oh, it's just our spaceship," the creature called out in a soothing voice. It sounded like nopony he had ever heard before. He leaned back, and he saw several other hands going around his body. He squealed as they ran down his chest, fur rubbing against bare skin. "We've only abducted you here to help us for a little while."

"You're not one of those bipedal beasts," Braeburn moaned, eyes flashing with sheer terror, "like that story on the internet, right? You don't capture ponies and tie them up in order to make meat for your 'Sandwich King' places?"

"Pfffffff," Rarity muttered. "What a stupid meme reference. We get it." She waved her hooves in the air. "Everypony has read 'Sandwich King'. Everypony knows that story about the little human girl tying up her pony friends and carving them into sandwiches as she sings-- carving out a bloody cutie mark as she goes 'Who's a silly pony? Who's a silly pony, Applejack?' Everypony on the bucking ponynet has read that parasprite-fic. Even non-humies know about it, for crying out loud."

No, no, no," cooed the voice. A bare shoulder rubbed up out of the light over to Braeburn's side. He felt the long, slender arm going around his neck. "We're not making sandwiches, silly."

Braeburn gulped.

"We're making babies."

Rarity glanced down at the clock. "3:29am?" She clicked back to the main page for the story, scrolling through the comments at random. MapleJack101, DoctorApples, 700-Degree-Mare, No_Limit_Coltcuddler, Snake-In-The-Plot, Miss_Everything_99, CelestiaAteMyHomework, and the rest of her "regulars"-- her closest PISfiction friends-- had all chimed in. Most of them, for whatever reason, loved it.

"No," she said to herself. "I have to sleep. I have to get these bucking humans out of my head. It's just a fandom. Why is it taking over my like. Do I really enjoy this?"

She glared at the screen. It felt like work. It felt like an obligation rather than a simple thing. I have to comment. I have to support my friends. If they don't hear me there, then they'll wonder why I haven't been on there for 'so long'. Even if they define 'so long' as half a day or so, sheesh! She slid over to the log-in area, eyeing the time once more.

"3:50am!" Rarity called out. She put her head down and hit it against the screen. "Blast you, humans!"

She rattled through her name and password, pausing before she clicked. Well, I guess it's another rough night. She could already sense that she had messages from Fran_the_Fran and DoctorApples, confirming that they'd come. I've had so many ponies RSVP. I should be ecstatic.

As she finally clicked, a horrible sinking feeling crept up her belly. What if they don't like me in real life? What if it all falls through? We're already friends, and I'm risking us getting into conflicts over petty things. She had a deep realization.

She made them laugh. She made them cry. She made them feel hot in the parts between their legs. Yet, deep down, her readers hardly depended on her. They were her friends, as real to her as Twilight, Fluttershy, and everypony else. Yet her relationship with the ponies online had this distance to it, this natural separation coming from the nature of the website. Face to face, that separation that let her expose her inner psyche by twisting herself into a cartoon 'netsona' image was gone.

She worried about TBH. The stallion meant the world to her. Yet he had no reason to think of the online banter as more than causal flirting, something that would mean little in real life. He wouldn't understand. He wouldn't know that if we just talk, if I leave the party and come home alone, then I'd... I'd... Rarity teared up once more.

She put her head into her hooves as PISfiction loaded. Those humans and their fandom weren't just a part of her life. Those humans and their fandom, a place making her a minor celebrity and giving her joy that she couldn't explain but had to keep secret, had become a part of her. And any normal pony that she'd talk on the street would think of it as "just a silly cartoon for foals to sell science toys." Yet she could feel it inside-- Joey's words as real as Twilight's during their darkest moments against Discord, Nightmare Moon, and that horrible changeling queen. Difference was, Joey's question never got an answer.

"If I didn't wake up tomorrow, would anyone really miss me?"

To Be Continued...

Chapter Four

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Twilight magically held the dress up, wiggling it in the air besides her shoulders. Rarity waited with baited breath, hardly able to move. Twilight's eyes scanned across the long, flowing red fabric to the silver sashes and over to the lines of golden glitter. Rarity watched Twilight stand up, the dress moving over in between their faces.

She has to like it. She has to like it. She just has to. Rarity almost bit her lip in anticipation. Twilight needed to appear "bold", her words and not Rarity's, and the fashionista had let her imagination open up. Rarity finally went with the full seductress look that she had always wanted to use on Twilight. I've seen that beautiful mare with a frumpy bookworm exterior for too long.

"Rarity, this is--" Twilight shook the dress a little.

"Yes," Rarity replied, trying to keep down her panting.

"It's just--"

"Yes!" She called out.

"It's simply, exactly--"

"Yes!"

"It's everything that I could have dreamed of!" Twilight hollered, rolling the dress around her back and smiling. Her blushing purple face look like one of the most adorable things Rarity had ever seen.

"Squee!" Rarity hopped over to Twilight's side. She danced across the floor for a moment in happy, fuffy Pinkie Pie-like style around Twilight. The mares held hooves, giggling. They gazed into each other's grins for a moment, both of them holding up the dress between them.

"Oh, Rarity, I'm so happy," Twilight commented. She held the smooth fabric up against her cheek. "It feels so wonderful. It looks so beautiful. It's perfect for such a great occasion."

"The occasion," Rarity repeated, suddenly taking on a more neutral expression.

Twilight held the dress close, stepping backwards. She glanced out the window, still smiling widely. "Yes, yes, it'll be such a great moment. You and me." Her eyes fluttered as she imagined the scene. "Walking there side by side on the long carpet. There, at the Cineplex this Tuesday, the two of us taking our seats right in the front row. Derpy will be there looking right at us before she announces the first public showing of Young Colts. Not all glitz, no--" Twilight pressed her hooves against the window. "But an intimate atmosphere. Friends with friends."

"Friends with friends," Rarity repeated, making a tiny frown. She stepped over behind Twilight, a sinking feeling coming through inside her.

"And you've been so helpful with me as I resolved my, uh, issues relating to that book," Twilight turned around, looking face to face with the other face, "I can't wait to see what you're wearing to the showing, too."

"Twilight, I..." Rarity took a gulp. "I... just..."

"Something in a lighter red, a shimmering pink?" Twilight asked, wandering over to the racks of fabrics upon the wall. "Oh, isn't it funny, too--" She chuckled. "They shortened the movie's name to Young Colts from the books full name of Young Colts, Tight Bondage. Still obviously not a thing for foals, of course. Isn't that crazy? What parent would mistake such a romantic drama for some idiotic corporate-made foal's programming like My Little Human or Gooby Floopy Pancakes?"

Idiotic? Twilight, you'll-- you'll-- you'll never understand. You can't understand. Rarity opened her mouth, but she said nothing. She simply walked over and put a hoof around Twilight's shoulder.

"Something's wrong?" Twilight asked, looking totally confused all of a sudden.

"Sweetheart, about that showing-- that offical five o'clock showing-- I need," Rarity began. She immediately stopped. Twilight's cheeks seemed to turn a purple-ish green mix, her mouth scrunching.

"Of course," Twilight sputtered, eyes narrowing. She magically folded the dress up.

"Twilight, please, it's not what you think!" Rarity commented as Twilight walked back over to the window. It looked dark and stormy outside-- far from great weather for a movie premier if things kept up.

"Oh, sure, sure," Twilight retorted, waving a hoof in the air dismissively. She put her back against the window, staring down Rarity. "It's just you being you, isn't it."

"Me being me?" Rarity sniffed, the insult cutting deeply. "It's not like that at all."

"There you are, going off like an underworld spy with your Hoofington friends and your Canterlot friends and your Coltsville friends and everypony else. I get it. I really do." Twilight face seemed to burn, but her eyes looked like they barely held back tears. "They're better than I am. Faster. Richer. Smarter. Better connected. I understand." Twilight sat down, pressing the dress closely against her chest. "Oh, sure, I'm working with Princess Celestia. I've got my brother married to another Princess. But that's just me being phony, pretending to be a mare that matters by clinging to others."

No! Twilight, no! Rarity wanted to holler at the mare, but she wouldn't dare stop the monologue. Please, Twilight, I hope you'll let me explain sometime.

A few tears made it through. "I'm more like a potted plant in the stupid corner or a... a... a... painting on the wall," Twilight muttered. She stepped over to the door. "I get it, you can't go with me. You've got plans with better friends than I am. I won't get--" She snorted, tears dripping a bit more heavily. "I won't get in your way."

*Creak!*

Twilight turned her head, bowed it down low, and nudged open the door. She magically placed the dress over onto her back. Rarity sped over, barely able to think.

"Wait!"

Twilight looked back up. Rarity hovered just a few inches away, the mares coming completely face to face. Rarity couldn't think of how to even begin, mouth hanging open in such an uncouth way. Oh, darling, you don't understand the problem at all! It's those stupid ponies at EPBS. They changed their whole episode schedule. Progress Is Scientific's new season-ender, with Peter finally maybe just making it into the main band and Katie choosing her man, got moved over to Tuesday afternoons. It's a two-parter for crying out loud.

"Rarity, what is it, then?" Twilight asked, putting on a blank expression. She held up a hoof and brushed some tears away.

"Darling, I just have to do something for some friends--" Rarity saw Twilight frown at the mention of these other friends. "But it's not that I place them over you at all. It's, uh..." I have to tell the truth. I'll just be vague when I need to. Rarity took a deep breath. "It's my other friends here from Ponyville." Along with other PISfiction humies around Equestria. "It's that my friends are counting on me to watch something else with them." We'll watch Won't Get Fooled Again Part I and Part II on our pPads together. "I can't wait to watch it later because it's a co-operative livestreaming and commenting." I've promised for months now to do the 'Pre- and Post-Episode Fiction Context' as well as the 'PISfiction Conversation' event. Everypony is counting on me from Todd_the_not_so_human to One_room_Stallion to MisterMare to The-Big-Humie and more. TBH most of all, I can't let him down right before what's essentially our first date!

"Livestreaming?" Twilight repeated. She seemed more confused than angry, although she had slumped down to the floor.

"Long story short, I will just happen to be slightly predisposed for around half of the actual show," Rarity said, putting a squeaky tone to those two words. "That certainly will not keep me from your side during the climax and the after-show party. I promise that I'll be there." After all, Parts I and II are only about forty minutes long. Ten minutes or so happen in between for commercials and announcements. That's hardly even an hour. I can't be kept from the whole entire movie just from watching the show, even though they start at the same time.

Twilight said nothing, just sighing. Rarity took Twilight's hooves in hers, and she made a content smile. The other mare kept on sitting down as still as a statue.

"Rarity, I, don't," she started to say, standing upright. She looked more defeated than anything. "I don't understand you sometimes. What is it that you spend all this time on the Ponynet for? It's almost creepy."

"What you mean, 'all this time', Twilight?" Rarity stepped back, swishing her mane around evasively. "I like to be a connected mare. I have to be for my job, least of all."

"What time--" Twilight retorted, sticking a hoof into Rarity's chest. "Did you get to sleep this morning?"

"Why, darling, it was around," Rarity started to stay. Her expression began to melt, and her voice became weaker. "Maybe in the range of 4am or so." She frowned at herself as Twilight stood up right over her.

"That's not normal."

Oh, please! You're the mare that thought that masturbating with a test tube mixer was a good idea. Don't lecture me on what is or isn't 'normal'. Rarity kept herself quiet. She paused and simply shrugged.

"Rarity, I don't know what's with you anymore." Twilight touched the door once more. "Why aren't you doing things with your friends here? Fluttershy, Rainbow, Pinkie, Spike, and everyone else?" She rubbed her head up against the wall for a moment. "Seriously, I can't believe that I'm saying this, but you're either here in your boutique all cooped up or else you're off in places where nopony sees you, going town to town. I spend even less time in my library." She closed her eyes. "What changed so much just a few months ago?"

Rarity wanted to scream at Twilight. She wanted to say that she had discovered a wonderful world unlike anything in Equestria. She wanted to say that these figures meant for little foals had won over her heart, and she treated this gang of weird, bipedal, and almost-hairless creatures from a cartoon as like family. She wanted to say that she had learned so much about science as well as the power of love and friendship. She knew that Twilight would laugh at her face if she did. "Twilight, I... I've been doing things here and there online. That's not the problem."

"Problem," Twilight repeated. She began to tear up a little bit more.

"Would it make a difference. Would everyone else truly 'miss me', or would they see me as a passing thing in their life. One of those 'little nice things' like a painting on the wall or a potted plant in the corner that you like but you don't care, deep down, as it comes and goes?"

Rarity suddenly realized something as she flashed back to the last episode. Twilight had the same fears, the same worries, and the same troubles that she had gone through. Only, Rarity relied on her ponynet friends for support. Twilight had her friends that she saw everyday. Oh... dear sweet Celestia... I've been forgetting her. I've been pitting my online friends against my real friends. Rarity let out a gasp.

"Twilight, darling, I promise that I'll see you mid-show. It'll work out great. I really promise, and I really mean it," Rarity said, opening up her eyes wide. She peered into Twilight's teary, pretty eyes. The other mare leaned back, and she smiled.

"See you there," she replied. She turned around, and she started out the door. Rarity breathed easy for the first time in a while. Twilight kept the door open a little bit, pausing. "I should say that I'm sorry. I can't believe I called you 'creepy'."

"That's perfectly fine-- just a slip of the tongue."

"It's just that I'm so happy with this dress, and it's really important to me that I'm there, with you." Twilight nodded. Rarity nodded back. They had seemed to come to some kind of deep understanding and appreciation, and Twilight trotted off down the street.

Rarity took out a huge breath, enough to suck in a butterfly or bird if she had been outside. She went over to the kitchen and nabbed a new tray of teas. She felt like spicing things up, and she pulled over a mini-cabinet filled with exotic mixes. She mixed in a little 'Elegra's Clover' and sat back down at her familar table inside her boutique's main room.

"Well, I had thought that... now would be the moment I'd..." she said to herself, pulling out her pPad. She clicked it on, but she simply stared at the main screen. "Time for PISfiction, then?"

Is this really normal? She slowly clicked the fateful application. I'm spending so much time with these humies and this fandom that... it's gotten to the point that I'm compromising with my friends about our favorite things. She sipped her tea, going deep into thought. What if this was something else? What if I spent this much time eating? Ponies would call me a glutton and say that I had a problem. What if I spent this much time hanging out in a bar? Ponies would call me an alcoholic and say that I had a problem.

"This is a drug," she said, holding up the pPad with both hooves. "And I'm addicted." She leaned back in her chair. "Well, is that really such a bad thing? As long as I compromise, things can work out. After all, Twilight's happy. I can make both TBH and my online friends happy too." She finished her tea. Elgra's clover had already started working her way through her system and relaxed every inch of her body, mane drooping down across her shoulders. "It's about love. I love them as much as the rest of my friends." She started on a second tea.

She pulled up a document file from the desktop. Rarity gazed at the message from Lulu himself, a wonderful response saying that she'd love to hold a huge private party on the roof-top area. The music, the lighting, the intricate decorations, and everything else would have a romantic touch, helping Rarity out with her quest for TBH's heart. Lulu, Twist, Strawberry Dawn, and the rest of that family have such big hearts. Their fluffy pink manes might as well as be...

*Pop!*

"What?" Rarity clicked on the side of the screen. "Another update? 'Software Version 4.55ii Addition', eh?" She frowned. "Blast you, Grately Gates and your stupid operating system. Stop pestering me!" She downed her second tea.

She went back to PISfiction, stopping for a moment to straighten herself in the chair. Her muscules already felt a bit rubbery from having so much spiked tea in one sitting. Wow, I can hardly believe that Celestia lets Elegra's Clover stay legal. Not to mention the 'Milk of Amorous Clover' that she supposedly has in gallons. Goodness help whatever stallions Celestia doses up with relaxant juice while she fills herself with stamina-building juice! Rarity logged into the website.

Messages: 5

Notifications: 32

"That's fabulous! More messages!" Rarity called out. "Dear sweet Celestia, I can't believe I have so many at one moment!"

MapleJack101: Thanks for your invitation. I look forward to seeing you face to face at Lulu's, and I hope the party goes very well. I'm glad that you're being so discrete.

"Well, I'm glad that I'll be able to see who you are," Rarity muttered. So tough, so strict, and so intolerant of other ponies' opinions as well as so insistent on proper language use... I wonder...

Fran_the_Fran: Us pervs need to stick together! See you at Lulu's!

Pervs? Me? Rarity rubbed her hooves against her shoulders. Well, I write intelligent stories involving realistic sensuality filled with emotional passion for ponies with tastes for that sort of adult-centered material. She took a breath. I suppose one might call that "perverted" if one has a narrow mind.

No_Limit_Coltcuddler: Well, I've heard through the grapevine that you'll be ripping off some author's masks soon. Sounds bucking fun. Count me in, sweet drawers.

"Sweet-drawers?" Rarity sputtered. "Who-- who-- even talks like that?" She felt as if her stomach had become coated with molten metal. No! Why does that parapsrite have to show his or her awful face!

700-Degree-Mare: Lookin' forward to seeing those uptown fagets at your party. I expect I'll be all hipster and show up like one hour early or something. There had better be alcohol.

P.S. No, seriously, this is an awesome idea. I can't believe I didn't think of this myself. I don't even like your writing at all, but I'm truly happy to see this happening.

"Those 'uptown fagets' will be happy to see you as well, surely," Rarity sarcastically muttered. I guess if I keep the stupider guests away from the main crowd, things might work out.

Big_Mac's_Hat: I'm glad to say that I'll be able to make it, sugarcube.

I also have to say that, well, you'll be in for one huge surprise. Not me-- but another surprise about somepony else. I won't say anything more. I can't wait to see your face when you get your mind blown.

"Surprise?" Rarity clicked over at the notifications. Almost all of them notices of fics being uploaded to groups or else her own fics being favorited, she opened up the hoofful of comments to respond to. She leaned back, magically lifing over one more tea.

Surprises for my party... well, I'm starting to have a very bad feeling about this whole thing. She downed the tea, Celestia's relaxant clover coursing through her system. I just have to plan ahead. Lulu and I will be there from beginning to end.

"I'll just sent a little note that--"

*Thump!*

Rarity passed out, legs poised over on top of the table.

To Be Continued...

Chapter Five

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"Stand the heck back! There's science in here!" Bill Nye called out, waving his white-gloved hands in the air. His bandmates froze, all of them waiting in anticipation. Freddie's eyes ran back and forth from Bill to the pill circular power meter on the outside of the empty building.

"You tell them, darling!" Rarity called out as well, feeling her heart beating hard as she focused on her pPad. She glanced out quickly towards the botique door, seeing hardly a pony on the street. She turned back to the My Little Human episode. "You can save those kids with the power of science!" All of us 'humares' know it!

"Help, help! We're totally stuck!" yelled the two small boys helplessly as the gigantic junkyard magnet swayed slightly in the wind. "We can't hold on much longer!" A small bluejay sailed along far below them, stopping atop the ruined old rubber tubing in the middle of the junkyard. The boys had a rather long fall to go if anything went wrong.

"Don't worry!" Nye hollered over. The shorter boy smacked his arms against the flat magnetic drum before propping them back against his big belt. The boy still couldn't stand looking down, still not used to that horrible sight of yard after yard of thin air beneath him. The taller boy tried to put on a hopeful expression-- knowing from experience that if anyone could save him in a tricky situation, then Bill Nye and the other Damona's could. Using the power-- of-- science!

"Okay," the taller boy meekly replied. "Just, please hurry. I can't stand another minute dangling up here."

"You won't drop! We promise!" Freddie shouted, his mustache tweaking on his face with the sheer determination.

"Oh, wow," Nye said, moving his fingers over and inspecting the power monitor. He tapped against a large hole in the glass, with an ugly, foreign looking black cable coming from the monitor and leading up towards the building's roof.

"Oh, gosh, if that magnetic thing lets them go, then," Elton said, whistling. He really didn't want to finish the sentence.

"I don't get it!" Joey groused, stamping his Chuck Taylors against the dusty concrete. He glanced around the junkyard, looking from heap of old cars to the open seaside to the sets of metal platforms seemingly leading nowhere, and he scowled. "How can this thing even be a magnet, anyways? I mean--" He took a gulp. "We were here a few hours ago, anyway. Katie and I. That big crane thing had metal under it, and nothing happened. Aren't magnetic things always magnetic?"

"Yeah, that's right," Elton said, rubbing a sparkly gloved hand against his pink glitter covered cheeks. "How can something be magnetic sometimes and not other times? Those kids were smart, like they said. They thought that the crane thing was dead or gone, so it wouldn't pick them up."

"Time! For!" Moon shouted. "The Science Goggles!"

"That's right, Moon," Rarity said to the screen. She magically lifted over her own special set of souvenir 'Science Goggles' from the 'Foals' Meal' at McDougals. She flashed back to how she had felt so silly, so wrong when she had paid more attention to the children's toy than Sweetie Belle had. At least she ate the hay fries instead of complaining about them being "over-salted" like usual.

All five members of the Damona's reached out into their pockets and put on their enormous black, horn-rimmed glasses. They all clicked the sides of the glasses, with the glowing white lights rippling across the sides. The lenses tinted grey, and they began to see in Bill Nye's 'Science-O-Vision'.

"Now then," Nye began, leaning over to the power monitor, "as well all know, electricity is made of the movement of electrons."

Nye moved a hand over to a thick grey cable besides the ground. Through their Science Goggles, everyone saw tiny little flicks of electrons bouncing up the cable. They squinted, and they made out atoms receiving the energy.

"And electricity of the kind that powers machinery as well as the usual stuff that you'd have around the house," Nye went on, "is usually made from special power stations far away from where it actually ends up being used. Electricity goes to a 'power grid', which people can hook into. Devices such as this power monitor here show you how much electricity that your building or building complex draws from the overall power grid."

"Fascinating," Freddie said, flipping himself over and standing up atop an old refrigeration. He looked out across the junkyard and saw pulses of electricity moving all along the city's power grid into the complex. "But, this doesn't help us help those kids. What does all of this stuff about power have to do with magnets?"

"It's very simple, Freddie," Nye said, and he lead the band around to the front of the building. They traced a big grey array of cables from the power monitor over to the enormous crane thing with the poor boys trapped on it. "You can observe that the electricity is going up over to that special magnetic drum up there. Right where the boys are stuck to given their big metal belts."

"So," Joey said, scratching his thick, loose locks atop his head, "electricity becomes magnetism? But that doesn't make sense! I have power outlets at home, and I can put-- say-- a metal guitar in front of it. The guitar doesn't get stuck onto the outlet like velcro onto a shoe or anything."

"Ah, but it all depends on how you put that electricity to work!" Nye called out, smiling as he knew that he'd get his bandmates to understand in just a moment. "Now, click the side of your glasses and zoom into the magnetic drum. You'll see!"

Rarity slid a hoof along the side of her own glasses. Of course, her own pair did nothing by itself. They don't have to. They let me unlock the power of my imagination. That's what's wrong with us stuffy adults, and what's great about those foals that this show is for. They have imaginations, and they can see things that aren't really there but should be there. She took a sip from her orange smoothie besides her.

"Oh, wow!" Freddie yelled.

"Wowie, Zowie!" Moon yelled as well.

The other band members just gawked. They saw, zoomed in, that the magnetic drum had a huge metal slab inside of it. Big wires ran right into the slab and curled around sort of like how string went around a spool. The electrons sped up the wires and danced around the slab, shaking their little yellow bottoms against the sides of the drum. The slab lit up with a bright blue energy.

"Look at the atoms inside of that slab," Nye said, pointing up at the air. Joey and Elton pointed up as well, mouths open in surprise. "You see that the electricity moves through in such a way, based on the design of the device, that it causes the very atoms inside the metal molecules to all line up."

Before, the slab's atoms had been all jumbled about, facing every which way. It looked something like pieces of crackers, noodle, cheese, and other items all lying about inside of a bowl of soup. With the electrical charge, the bandmembers saw the atoms all facing in the same direction, with their bright purple neutrons and their pale pink protons twisted about. The electrons all flipped around in perfectly symmetric orbits. It looked something like a bale, with every little bit of hay massed together.

"Oh, so that's magnetism in action!" Joey called out. "That's, like, so totally cool!"

"And that blue aura around the device, that's the magnetic 'pull' or whatever?" Freddie asked.

"That's right," Nye answered. Their eyes all moved down from the top of the magnetic drum over to the kids underneath it. They saw thick streams of blue light circling around from the slab downwards. "Those orbits that you see, those lines, are called 'magnetic field lines'. They've emerged from the poles in those atoms, and they attract metallic objects."

"So, all that plastic stuff down there underneath," Joey began. He stopped, and he leaned his head up. He seemed to have a light bulb pop up. "Oh, now I get it. The magnet won't work on that stuff because it's made of different atoms and molecules that aren't arranged like metal. It all makes sense now."

"So, now we know!" Keith said, hopping over a pile of used bookshelves and twisting in the air. "But, dude!" He leaned down on his knees and pointed up at the kids. "How does knowing this help us help those guys!"

Rarity heard a dinging sound, and she flipped around. She glared at the door, although her angry, interrupted expression faded. I'm only re-watching the last episode, hopefully picking up more things to talk about at our fan-fiction author meeting tonight. Nothing that's that big of a deal. She put on a smile as she paused the video on her pPad.

A stallion half-stepped into the boutique, stopping to yell some things back to some outside compatriots of his. He made a deep, frustrated sigh, and he pushed open the door completely. Rarity locked eyes with him. He looked like nopony she had seen before, his softer pinkish body and dark purple mane with a light stripe making him seem like a grown-up foal of Twilight's with Pinkie Pie in an alternate world. She chuckled at the silly thought.

"You see Pinkie anywhere?" he asked, putting on a surprisingly deep and low masculine voice. He ran a hoof through his sweaty head.

Rarity just shook her head 'no'.

"Oh, rats," he muttered, making a defeated groan. He bonked his head against the doorway. He took a breath, and he turned back over towards Rarity. "Well, if you ever do see her, tell her that Discord is in another one of his moods again." He almost bit his lip, sweat oozing down his cheeks. "You might want to stay way indoors, too."

They both heard a loud pounding from outside. The stallion paused. He shut the door as he looked out in all directions. Rarity watched as a pack of pegasii ran across the street, grabbed the stallion, and shot out into the air.

"Should I be worried about this?" Rarity asked herself. She looked out at the walls of her boutique and over outside, with not a single pony then in sight. Rarity made a dismissive shrug. Back to my show!

She clicked the screen. Nothing happened. She clicked again. She made a pout-y face, and she ran her hoof along the top right of her device. No... not again... She blinked. Her eyes grew wide as she say that horrible icon of a foal chasing her tail popping up in the middle of the otherwise frozen screen.

"Buffering?" Rarity smacked her hooves against the table. She sucked down some more of her smoothie. "I hope Celestia bumps to the Moon for five thousand years that monster that invented buffering! Even Discord is nicer." She stopped as she heard ominous pounding, ripping, and crashing moods from way outside. "Well, Discord is usually nicer. Pinkie will show up with some lace stockings and soothe him right back to normal in just a few minutes, I'm sure."

Rarity tapped her hooves against the table. Still buffering? She paused, and she leaned her head upon the table. Stupid 'Sprinting' service? More like 'Crawling'! I can't believe that I haven't swapped to Verimare Wireless yet!

*Beep!*

Rarity hopped up to attention. She held her hoof right above the screen, ready to restart the video. She had to giggle at the advertisement that had just popped up. In big, bright letters, it read: "Are you a 'Humie' or 'Humare'? Enjoy the unofficial 'Human' versus 'Human' fighting game! Play as Bowie against Elton, Joey against Katie, Freddie against Moon, and more!" A human fighting game? What will these obsessive fans think of next? I'm surprised that they haven't made a life-size Freddie Mercury Damona pillow for lonely mares to hug and cuddle with. She started the video again. Although, that actually sounds... nice, actually.

"It's simple," Nye said, running back over to the group's Rock-N-Roll-Mobile. His fellow members followed right behind. Nye flipped open a side door, fingering for a large black box.

The huge silver car featured space-ship like gull-wing doors, big white cooling towers in the back shooting out every couple seconds, and-- most interesting of all-- a flux-capacitor station in the interior roof that used the planet's three most powerful forces-- pop music, rock music, and metal music-- to fuel the portable fusion engine. The members all thought of it as Nye's greatest invention. Nye, on the other hand, always wanted to try and top himself.

"Your latest invention, of course!" Freddie called out.

"That's right," Nye replied. He clutched the black box and flicked a small grey nub on the side. The box collapsed, showing a huge dark grey device covered in green circular stripes. Nye picked up the end, showing a large knob, and the device lit up. A pulse of light blinked at its tip, looking a lot like a TV's remote controller crossed with an alien invader's lazer gun. "Now, I can just use my 'electricity modulator' to adjust the current going through that magnet and, thus, the magnet's power."

"But, hey!" Joey interjected, running up and stranding right in front of Nye. "If you pull the plug, won't those poor kids have a rather long drop--"

"No, not at all," Nye commented, leaning down and preparing to use his switch. Energy bubbled all across it, the green stripes flashing brightly. "Because this modulator works a lot like a remote."

"Oh, I see!' Freddie said, popping up behind Nye's back. "Instead of during the electricity off like a TV goes off, you can turn the electricity down like a TV's volume goes down."

"Basically, yes," Nye said, "but I need to say that it's more complicated than that. If I just lowered the electrical current and that was it, there would be a point where gravity became stronger than the magnetic pull and then the poor kids would just drop. My device works by manipulating--"

"Help! Please! No more talking!"

The band members looked up at the two helplessly dangling kids, and they grew even more determined. "No time to explain, William," said Elton, "just get them down."

Nye nodded.

"Well, that was too clever by the scriptwriters," Rarity remarked. "Of course, one couldn't really get a remote that turns up or down magnetism that easily. One would have to use other forms of energy to due that besides electromagnetism, such as manipulating particles even smaller than neutrons and protons." Oh, well. There's so much science in here already. I can't fault the creators for being reasonable about it all. She smiled. Science fiction mixed with real science makes everything better! "Science rocks!"

Nye's device shot out a blue wave that hit the tip of the junkyard crane, and he grinned. He gripped the control knob, and he turned it down from 100% over to 90% as his friends watched with baited breath. The boys wiggled about in the air as the electromagnetic field around them grew wider, and they slightly broke off of the big magnetic drum. Nye went from 90% over to 70%, seeing the boys gently floating down in the air like leaves. He finally turned from 70% to 40%, making sure that the drop wouldn't get too fast, and he slid his fingers down.

The boys made it to just a few feet above the stacks of rubber piping and other trash. Nye turned his device down to 0%, and the band members all cheered. They sped over and grabbed the boys, both seeming to be in some sort of shock. Nye packed his device back into its box, moving very carefully.

"Let's get your boys home," Elton said, playfully scraping one of them on the noggin. They made their way back to the Rock-N-Roll-Mobile.

*Boom!*

An explosion threw them all off balance, grabbing items around them to keep from falling right onto the cold, hard concrete. Joey winded up entangled in thick plastic tubing. Moon accidentally fell into an old refrigerator, almost getting shut in there if his leg hadn't caught the door. The other guys leaned up against the walls.

"Not. So. Fast. You. Scum!" called out a familiar, devious voice from the roof besides them.

"Oh, no!" muttered the band members. They all staggered over and glared upwards.

"That's right!"

A tall figure with huge, thick red boots, tight glittery silver spandex with a large white codpiece, a rolling black cape featuring flashing lights looking like all the constellations of the night sky, and thick black armor stepped out from behind a steam pipe. Energy seemed to radiate all over his body. The band members all focused on his face, featuring enormous bright red hair coupled with a red lightening bolt mark over his right eye and half his features. Glitter and make-up caked all across every inch of his skin.

Rarity clapped. She loved this character. He didn't just seem to be the best villain, but he seemed to be one of the best humans on the entire show. He's so stylish! He's so flamboyant!

"It is I! The Great and Powerful David Bowie!" He stamped his boots against the ceiling, cracks forming all through the building. "And the Great and Powerful Bowie is most pleased that you have fallen for the Great and Powerful Bowie most intelligent and cunning trap, exactly how the Great and Powerful Bowie had foreseen."

Nye slyly pulled out his special device once again, holding it behind his back. He winked at Elton. Elton understood, and he waved up at Bowie. The other band members immediately understood the trick, and they pretended to play along.

"What is it, you most unenlightened one?" Bowie leaned out his hands, and he shot up into the air. He flew around onto a set of metal girders. "Are you not terrified, Elton Damone? The Great and Powerful Bowie has engineered such painful and incessant delights for you, as a reward for interrupting the Great and Powerful Bowie's 'Gala Concert' last week." Bowie grit his teeth and curled up his nose at the horrible memory, back when he had been humiliated before Princess Hillary Clinton during a performance for Guyville's armed forces.

"Oh, I just am wondering where exactly you got that special creamy glitter mix that you have on your temples," Elton said, stalling as Nye reactivated his device. "You look totally scrumptious, darling. Such a wonderful mix of sliver on bright white."

Bowie laughed, his hands leaning back behind his shoulders as his huge hair tossed about. "The Great and Powerful Bowie is most amused by your insipid attempts at fabulous-ity, given that the Great and Powerful Bowie's status as the most stylish and well-kept human in the entire world. And, soon, I shall rule the entire world." He grinned from cheek to cheek. "If you must know, the Great and Powerful Bowie ordered these chemical treatments factory direct."

"Oh, but what about your previous engagement?" Elton asked.

"The Great and Powerful Bowie does not understand," Bowie replied, looking frustrated with his hair dropping down around his sides. "What previous engagement?"

"You have a date with a crane, jerk." Joey interjected, leaning up alongside Elton.

*Clang!*

"No!" Bowie yelled. His body shot up onto the metal drum where the children had just been trapped. He fired his hand and leg rockets to no avail, just spinning the big magnet around in a circle. He grimaced, his eyes shrinking into narrow little slits. "Bowie get you for this, the Damones! Bowie get you for this!"

The band members simply laughed as they returned to their car, leaving Bowie stranded in place. Bowie shuddered in sheer rage. Nye and the rest knew that the so-called "glitter god of rock" wouldn't stay put for long, but they didn't care. They had a gig to go to, and kids to return to their parents.

The episode ended, and the credits rolled. Rarity leaned back and let a wave of sheer happiness flow through her senses. She slid side to side to that catchy theme song, which never got old. "Oh, my goodness," Rarity said, "I still can't believe it. The creators brought back the Great and Powerful Bowie! The best villain ever! The character voiced by Princess Luna herself no less! And now, in the final episode, we'll see if Joey ever does 'get the girl' as well as if the Great and Powerful Bowie manages to get his revenge."

Rarity leaned down, and she glanced all around the pPad. She froze as she spotted the time. Oh, wow! It's already 7:02pm! She hopped upwards, and she slid the pPad over into her special saddlebag. I thought I'd be there two minutes ago-- going down at Lulu's to co-ordinate things! She sized up herself in the mirror. She looked frumpy, not sexy. She ran a hoof through her matted mane.

"I definitely need to style myself up," she said. I have to put on all the airs. This is for TBH, after all, and I have to be the best mare that I can be. She flashed back to Princess Blueblood, and her sad experiences at the Gala. I have to make up for all that, and I just know that TBH will be different. I know from reading his fanfics that he has a different soul-- a kind, soft, and romantic soul.

Rarity smiled as she moved over to her shower, magically gathering all kinds of supplies from perfume to make-up to shampoo behind her. She visualized her special dress, her mind's eye going over every inch of that wonderful outfit that she had arranged out atop her bed. She felt her heart fluttering. Oh, this will be a night to remember.

To Be Continued...

Chapter Six (Shortie)

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Rarity ran her hoof along the table as she gazed at her reflection in the sleek glass door. The sign welcoming patrons to the club 'Lulu's' hung out right besides the promenade in front of her. Rarity's eyes moved from her fancy white shoes up along her elegant dark blue dress to her sharp blue and black beret. She focused on detail after detail along her long, flowing dress from the refined lace ends to the smooth glittery folds to the constellations along the sides. Although the whole affair was specified as "casual-wear", "less than formal-wear", "easy wearing", and so on in post after post on PISfiction, she knew that she had to look her best.

And she felt her best. Modeling the outfit after Princess Luna herself, the deeply creative visionary that almost single-hoofedly made My Little Human possible, Rarity made something that looked more for a bride-to-be than a party-goer. Of course, I don't want to overwhelm TBH too much. I just need to impress him. I just need to make him think of me as more than a writer of online erotica. And he will.

"Excellent!" Sweetie Belle said, balancing stacks of CDs upon her back. Rarity took in her beautiful reflection in the door one more time, and she turned back towards the ballroom. Sweetie pressed a couple big knobs against the massive stereo machine. Soft white noise seeped everywhere.

"I should have hours upon hours of party-type music available right there, Sweetie," Rarity said, stepping across the huge pinkish-red expanse. She looked up at the various streamers, banners, and large tables loaded with glittery party favors. Tray after tray of treats sat atop the big white tables against the walls.

"Hours and hours is right," Sweetie remarked, hopping up atop a fancy bright white chair and running her hooves along the nice pinkish tablecloth.

"I hope that this sort of pop rock, arena rock, and power pop type mix will work," Rarity commented, her eyes inspecting every last detail of the ballroom. From the spotless floors to the dark pink lights pointed across the ceiling to everything in between, she could hardly ask for anything better. I still feel so nervous. Oh, goodness, if only I could pick a motif that was less, well, pink. Lulu, Twist, Strawberry Dawn, and the rest of that nerdy family with their big glasses and soft manes always had to have everything in pink. "Oh, well." Rarity eyed the stereo. "We have CD after CD in place, correct?"

"Okie-dokie," Sweetie replied, sliding the empty cases in to a box underneath the table. "There's pop with power type music from--" She clicked around and cycled through the upcoming songs. "It goes from The Whom? to The Kinkies to Cheap Prank to OK Stop to The Apples In Mono to Relient X to The All-Equestrian Rejects to Elvis Coltsello to Death Cart for Fillies and beyond. Diverse as anything, but still all poppy and happy."

Rarity glanced up at the clock. She hopped over to the side, brushing up right next to Sweetie. "Oh, darling, the party has already technically started. Start playing, please."

Sweetie nodded and pressed a huge red button. Bouncy guitar riffs rained down from the ceiling. Rarity wiggled in tune for a moment, smiling, yet that turned to a frown as soon as the lyrics began. She eyed her younger sister.

"Fall Out Foals? You're starting this whole party with a psuedo-punk girly-swooning group such as Fall Out Foals?" Rarity asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Uh-huh," Sweetie said, sliding out into the middle of the floor and kicking backwards. "Aren't they just so awesome?" She wiggled her hips and clopped her front hooves in the air. "I especially love their lead singer, that Petey fellow. He's so coy about dressing up as a girl and saying that he doesn't know if he wants to date girls or boys. Fall Out Foals forever!"

Oh, goodness, Sweetie! I'm okay with you being here, I suppose, as long as it isn't for too long. But don't dance like that. Even Twilight looks less dorky. Rarity wished that Sweetie would have hung out with Spike for more 'sleepovers'. She opened her mouth to say something, but she immediately heard the front door starting to creak. Her heart stopped. Oh, gosh! Who's going to be here first?

"First!" a stallion screamed as the doors opened up.

"Oh, dear Celestia, it's no_limit_coltcuddler," Rarity mouthed.

She watched as a tall, handsome unicorn burst through the double-doors. He slid into the middle of the floor and smiled. Her eyes locked on his smug expression as his long, yellow mane fluttered along his shoulders.

"Prince Blueblood?" Rarity asked, her mouth hanging open. She felt as if somepony had ripped out her heart and thrown it onto a chopping block. The color drained from her face, but she felt a strong, courageous voice deep inside of her telling her to stay in the moment. She looked out through the still open doors and caught glimpses of new guests coming in, and she told herself that TBH would be there to be her knight in shining armor soon. In the meantime, she could deal with Blueblood. At least, I hope I can.

To Be Continued...

Chapter Seven

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Rarity leaned upon the shimmering metal railing, both it and herself bathed in the moonlight above, and he sniffed loudly. Sliding her head to the right, she let herself cry a bit. The My Little Human event went on inside the massive room behind her, but she found herself zoning out a bit.

"If only... he was here..." she murmured, brushing her mane, "The-Big-Humie... why haven't you show up yet?"

"It's my party and I'll cry if I want to!" Sweetie Belle remarked, stepping up behind her sister.

"No kidding," Rarity replied, turning over to look at her sibling face to face, "I can't believe that royal sack of ponyfeathers is acting as if there's no difference between real-life and some Ponynet trolling message board." They both moved a bit closer to the massive double-doors back into the party area. Bright lights and upbeat new wave music shot out of the half-shut windows. "Gosh, Prince Blueblood is just-- just-- unbelievable."

"You're unbelievable! Oh!" cried out a series of ponies as a brash dance rock blasted out of the room's speakers. The lights started to flash a set of strong blues and vibrant greens all over.

"Hey, it's that Saints Row IV song!" Sweetie exclaimed, jumping straight up a bit.

"Wait a moment!" Rarity yelled back, holding Sweetie in the air, "I told you that you can't play anything that 'Mature' rated!" Gosh, will she listen to at least half of the things I say?

The filly looked at the floor as she let out a weak noise.

"Well, never mind," Rarity remarked, putting her sister down, "I suppose I just need to get in there and have a good time, Blueblood or no. After all, I'm surprised at the real-life identities of some of my online friends."

"That's the spirit," Sweetie replied, making that adorable smile of hers that made Ponyville colts and mares alike just want to snuggle her to pieces.

Rarity nodded, and the two white mares made their way towards the door. The ponies inside, after all, seemed to be having such a great time. As the music went on, hips shook even more, with glasses of punch being passed every other second. Rarity hesitated a moment, though, as she placed her hoof on the door's handle. "I just hope--"

"First!" Blueblood cried out as he threw himself out of the doors, knocking both white mares to the right. Smiling widely as he shifted about his mane and rubbed his sides, he looked up at the moon and made an oddly feminine noise. "I knew it. The full moon is out. I can feel its energies, almost."

"Hi..." Rarity muttered, "Blueblood..." That sickly blackness through her insides returned, a feeling that she couldn't stand but could hardly fight off.

"It's no_limit_coltcuddler, missy," the stallion replied, standing up straight and looking very posh somehow, "for tonight."

"Right," Sweetie murmured back. Awkward glances were exchanged all around. Yet the stallion had on that almost sickly-looking gigantic smile, still.

Before Blueblood could say something else, Rarity and her sister ducked back into the party. Oh, praise Celestia, he's not following us back in! Guess he's too busy admiring his own body in the moonlight, sheesh! Sweetie Belle seemed to flow off in the crowd to someplace else. Rarity shrugged for a second as she got herself another punch glass. Love how fruity yet somehow savory we got it!

"Hey, Silent_Rainbows," Pinkie Pie called out, sliding up her body against Rarity's as lights shot down upon them, "I'm loving this party!"

"Hey there, Snake-In-The-Plot," Rarity replied, giggling. They both threw themselves over to the left before shimmying up into the air at the same time, hooves slapping the ground. Laughing, they simultaneously flipped over to the right before wiggling their plots. "It seems great!"

Pinkie slid over to dance with Lyra, and Rarity found herself shifting over to the far right of the room. As Applejack leaned against a column, looking deep in thought, Rarity brushed up against the pretty orange mare. The two smiled at each other.

"So, Fran_the_Fran," the unicorn remarked, "engaged in some deep mental shipping?"

"Hehe, I suppose," Applejack responded as she couldn't help but giggle, her beautiful-looking mane wiggling against the column behind her, "I'm a perverted 'humare' that just can't help it. Shipping humans with humans on their own show is one thing, but I look out at this crowd and find myself crossing over into the dark side: user-shipping."

"Good luck," Rarity commented, and she moved along to another corner of the room. As her eyes migrated about the whole scene, she felt far more at ease than she had before. So what if one or two trolling My Little Human fans are here? Overall, I should be optimistic. It all looks like a success.

"Oooh, careful," said a small voice besides.

"Oh, sorry for bumping up against you Applebloom," Rarity said, "Or should I say Big_Mac's_Hat?"

"I'm just feeling rather intimidated as all," Applebloom replied, looking straight up at the older mare, "after all, My Little Human is a show meant for younger ponies as well as families. But I'm the only pony here in the target demographic besides Sweetie."

"I see," Rarity said, awkwardly rubbing her neck. What the hay can you say back? Sometimes I watch this program on Ponytube and wonder if there's anyone besides adults that are fans watching it with me. Rarity moved over to the window without saying anything else.

As a mellower song by Elvis Coltsello played over the speakers, Rarity took in a deep breath. I know that things are mostly going well here, Blueblood and some others besides. Yet it all is somehow empty without him. The-Big-Humie, I know you're out there, and you agreed that you'd come. I know that our relationship was 'merely online'. Yet our romantic words together meant as much to me coming from a white Ponynet screen as it would have whispered into my ears as I slept.

"Hello," Roseluck commented, knocking Rarity out of her deep thought for a moment.

"Hey, DoctorApples," the white mare remarked to her fellow 'humare', managing to smirk.

Yet Rarity shifted right back into her inner monologue. A lot of fans get super into the humans themselves. Lyra a.k.a. Todd_the_not_so_human even cosplayed as Freddie Mercury when she came in! She gazed over at the mare across from her as Lyra slid her hooves along her smart-looking, shimmering suit and up to the very realistic looking fake-mustache. But, for me, I got so much into the fandom. The show is amazing. Yet, for all its ups and downs, I made fandom connects that seemed to touch my soul, somehow. Melodramatic? Yes. But it's true.

">Implying implications!" yelled a nasty voice.

Rarity slid against the wall and collapsed onto the floor as she saw Prince Blueblood walking about the party once again, making such contorted faces as he regurgitated meme trash. Okay, let's be serious. How the hay do I get rid of him without making an even bigger scene.

"Here." Somebody suddenly set down a glass of punch marked over with black marker scribbles on the ground next to Rarity. She looked up to see none other than CelestiaAteMyHomework himself.

"Spike, what's this?" she asked, taking in a huge breath.

The dragon shifted about in place and tried to suppress a laugh, barely succeeding. "Let's just say it's a glass of punch that contains 'just desserts'." Spike reached over onto an adjacent table and picked up a plate filled with nibble-ready cheese pieces. "For a certain white stallion."

Rarity said nothing back. She merely nodded as she magically lifted up the drink and began to head over into the middle of the crowd of ponies. Everybody seemed into this one Fall Out Foals song, a lot of rhythmic dancing going on around her. Yet she stayed focused on this one special mission.

"Looks like we got a real idiot over here," Blueblood smarted off to nobody in particular, gesturing over with his hoof at Lyra. He went to sip from his own glass, but he found that it was completely empty. "Well, that's no good."

"Here!" Please just take it and drink it without questioning! Even I don't know what's in it!

"Sure," Blueblood remarked, bringing Rarity at ease. She gazed on as the thick liquid slid into the stallion's mouth, his throat moving in such an exaggerated way. Having gulped down half of the drink in one moment, she couldn't help but smile form cheek to cheek, looking all rosy and delighted.

"Hey, Rarity," quietly muttered a stallion from Rarity's back.

"Yes?" she replied, not even turning around. She continued to gaze at Blueblood, who now moved back over to the table covered in various tasty party treats, ones that seemed posh enough for him apparently. Come on, take affect whatever it is.

"Rarity, you should know," said the voice from behind her, "he's here. The-Big-Humie is here."

She gasped as she frantically tried to brush herself off and straighten up her dress. "Oh-- my-- gosh!" She took in another deep breath as she looked at her reflection in the nearby bowl of fried hay strips, seeing that her beautiful mane stretched across her body so perfectly. "Where?"

"It's me, silly."

Rarity flipped around, eyes wide open. "Oh!"

To Be Continued...

My Little Humie: Fanfiction is Social

by SwiperTheFox

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six (Shortie)

Chapter Seven