• Published 15th Apr 2012
  • 4,201 Views, 158 Comments

My Little Humie: Fanfiction is Social - SwiperTheFox

Rarity's double life as the fanfiction author 'SilentRainbows' takes an odd turn as she meets a fan.

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Chapter Two

Rarity paused, hoof hovering over the pPad. Oh, goodness, I've already reserved this time for Twilight's dress design. Why am I just sitting here? Twilight had wanted something new, and Rarity knew that she didn't have that much time to waste online. She leaned to the side, looking out at the empty expanse of her boutique. A few ponies walked about outside. Twilight had even said she wanted to look "bold". Her words, goodness... being "bold" instead of practical. It's like the world has ended.

Still, the flashing screen pulled at her. Like an iron filling besides a magnet, Rarity could hardly resist. Oh, I guess I can just check the rest of my comments. She took a gulp. "Now, Rarity, you know that you'll start with that," she told herself, "but those minutes will turn into hours. You'll fritter so much time with silly ping-pong banter with other PISfiction users. You're not even going to write anything, just be senselessly social with pseudo-anonymous ponies." Rarity's heart didn't listen to a word she said, and she opened back up the PISfiction application.

One_room_Stallion: I have to say that I think you've lost it with this one, Silent_Rainbows, and I know that this story is well-written. That's not the point. It's that you've-- gosh-- you've used these powers for evil instead of good.

I'm sorry, I know I'm being melodramatic, but bondage has to be my pet peeve. And here you are, putting poor Peter Townsend into handcuffs and mouth gags. Why would you do this to Equestria's favorite background human?!

Fran_the_Fran: Two words= STAY KINKY

Kinks are sexy.

Rarity giggled. Oh, if only Braeburn knew that his photo would get viral. He'd probably rip the camera right out of Twilight's hooves, not wanting to become such eye candy. Nice meme, though: "Ridiculously Handsome Stallion" / "R.H.S." She slipped back up to the top of the window. The ego boost came right back to her, making her swoon.

Peter's Hot Cocoa

Because sometimes mares fall in love, and sometimes those mares happen to fall in love with cartoon humans. Because sometimes ponies have a craving for chocolate milk, and sometimes that milk gets heated up by accidental mishaps and spilled across human's clothes. Because sometimes sipping that milk through clothes is both practical and hot, while other accidental activities that leave fictional bipeds bound just spices things up. This is in response to a request by MisterMare for Peter shipping as well as request by SpongeCrustTail for chocolate used during BDSM. Thanks for reading.


Thirty Comments

She flicked back down to the comments, gazing idly at the wall besides her. Almost a thousand views already, and it's just been less than two days. I'm a celebrity. I'm one of the most popular ponies there-- the most popular pony that everypony should know. Her mind, filled with bliss, floated down from the sky back to her head, and she focused on the last comment. Her blood immediately started to chill. Her smile shifted over to a frown.

Scooby-Dooby-Scuba: Well, well, well... what do we have here?

A talent-less hack now becomes an art thief, using my pic for illustration without permission. You know, much as I can't stand your pointless work (following every trope that comes into style with barely any originality), I would have most likely said yes if you had, I don't know, SENT ME A MESSAGE OR SOMETHING

And this comes right on the heels of you copying almost scene by scene a fic that I did months ago for your awful human on pony Nash Kate Damona fic. I'm not so mad about that since you're story is half as talented as mine. You can take you tropes and your bestiality, and cram it right up your plothole.

Take my image down. Now. Do it or I'll have your story killed by Knifely, who just happens to be a good friend of mine in real life. Hope you take me seriously. I'd hate to have the mods crack down on you again (guess you have a history of not playing nice with others). How dare you think slime such as you can offend us popular authors.

Rarity wanted to vomit. Calling me a "hack"? Me? When your own stories are riddled with the passive voice and grammatical error after you, you have the nerve to type that garbage? She felt something like sandpaper scratching right up her back, covering her cheeks. She took a deep breath. And don't get me started on "bestiality"! Goodness, these humans can talk. They walk. They operate expensive machinery. They play music. You seriously think that they can't give consent? That they're like mere apes or dogs in our world or something?

She stopped, suddenly realizing that she had teared up a bit. Oh... that... that... horrible witch. She slid her hoof over and started to edit the story. Knifely would never take her side. It's a Ponypedia Creative Commons image. PCC licensing lets anyone copy it for any use. She slid her head to the side, and she killed the image anyway. She started to make a response, but she simply stared at the commenting section of the screen.

"Can't play well with others?" Rarity mouthed. She stood up. No... I promised myself. I'd never flame anyone. Not after Derpy Hooves And Her Magical Girl. She clicked back to the main PISfiction page, and she got up. She walked over to her plate of teas, preparing another kettle. It's not fair! Ponies can rape, murder, torture, enslave, and do whatever they want to these fictional cartoon humans. Anypony that objects gets blasted. Oh, sure, I got carried away. I don't like seeing ponies write about children getting hurt. That's the line. It's ugly if you do it to fictional men, but the moment the little fictional girls get the knife to the face-- I'm not going to pretend that I like you as an author or a friend.

She sat back down. No... I'll go crazy if I go through this again. She put her hooves against her cheeks. Have some tea, and get it off of your mind. Seriously, dozens of ponies praise your work. Are you going to let one or two neigh-sayers make you cry? She shook her head no at her own question, even though she feared having Scooby-Dooby-Scuba's comment ripple across her brain that night as she tried to sleep.


"Oh, quick somepony's coming!" Rarity rattled off under her breath, frantically clicking over to the other page. She smiled wide as Roseluck opened the door. "I'm so happy to see you. May I help you?" Rarity put on a smile, eyes still slyly glancing down at the pPad. Judy Woodhoof kept on talking about Princess Celestia's health care payment reform package over at the EPBS Newshour video. Oh, good, I clicked in time. I'm not outed as a humie.

"Oh, I uh..." Roseluck muttered as Rarity shifted in place, sitting on a chair right in front of the mare.

"Yes, darling, what is it?"

"It's... just..." Roseluck looked tense from the atttention.

"Yes?" Rarity stood up, leaning over. She knew she had to act friendly and curteous; she had an obligation not just a proper mare but as an independent businesspony to do so. Her mind kept on zapping back to the PISfiction page open on the other tab. That inspid little Scooby-Dooby-Scuba will be the death of me. Her hear raced, still stinging from the flaming comments.

"Can I... use your bathroom?"

Rarity halted, realizing that moment by moment she had leaned up until Roseluck's face was just inches away. "Oh, yes, of course," she commented, sitting back down. "Just head right past the tie racks, and it's the second door on your left." Calm down, Rarity! Don't let the silly website get to you. It's just a fandom!

"Thanks," Roseluck replied. Her face had a blank expression, cheeks blushing a little as well.

Rarity tried to calm herself down. She followed Roseluck for a moment, halting as the mare stared back with a confused look flashing over her face. Rarity realized the impropriety of accompanying the mare into the bathroom, and she turned over to the nearby kitchenette. Back to my senses, now. She magically poured the kettle into some more cups of tea, trying to ease her breathing.

"Relax, Rarity," she muttered. It's not just a fandom. I know that. My Little Human is part of my life now. These humans... might as well be real. By Celestia's mane, maybe they are real. She walked over to the window, looking up at the clear blue sky above. Out there, somewhere, Peter might be slamming away at his guitar. He's thinking that we're the fictional ones. Who knows?

She sat back on the table. She took a nice long sip of tea, savoring the almost cotton-candy like flavoring that Pinkie had given her. The idea of it as a tea flavor seemed atrocious at first, but the earth pony was right on the money. What's important about My Little Human the message; it's what the show means to me and the rest of the humies. What Joey Damona always taught was that it doesn't matter too much on the outside-- how you walk, talk, dress, and so on-- what matters on the inside is your heart. Do you want to make the planet a better place? Do you believe in yourself? Rarity relaxed. "Joey was mocked. Then, he rocked." She smiled as she recited the season one tagline to herself.


She swung around in the chair, staring back at the pPad's screen. She put down the tea. She almost bit her lip.

Messages: 2

"Oh, dear sweet Celestia, let it not be Knifely," she whispered. "Let it not be Scooby-Dooby-Scuba." She clicked, her hoof shivering from fear. The emotional strain felt as real as a face to face fight with her five best friends.

CelestiaAteMyHomework: Consider it done, my friend! I'm so looking forward to seeing you in person. I'll have to find out a replacement for taking care of the tiny ones, but that shouldn't be too hard. Their ponies are so understanding. I can't tell you how much I'm looking forward to this party! Oh, goodness! I was hyperventilating so hard writing this that I had to stop and let somepony else edit the message.

Otherwise, it would have been: isoahgasdhgjhg DID ihakh YOUddkdla Say Ppppappaprty! ;I can't ahand oh yeahs tis itime and i've only ewnwjaf and ...

And so on. He's such a nice guy for proofreading this for me. And he's smart and handsome to boot. See you at Lulu's on Wednesday night! *smothers you in hugs*

"Wow," Rarity muttered, rubbing a hoof against her chin. "Well, for starters-- 'smart and handsome to boot'? 'Nice guy'? Hehe, silly editor!" She magically lifted over another tea. "That breakdown at the mere word 'party' certainly reminds me of somepony. Yet, then, I had always pegged Snake-In-The-Plot as her. Who on earth can Snake-In-The-Plot be?" Somepony so energetic and always positive... Cheerilee? She snorted at the thought of a foal's teacher secretly obssessive over characters from a foal's cartoon show, and she clicked to the other message.

The-Big-Humie: Thank you for your kind words.

Rarity found her breathing getting fainter, picturing TBH sitting there right behind her. The stallion, or at least that pony that identified as a stallion, had such a way with words. She always mentally pictured him as a shady figure, a black outline that she couldn't quite see yet still noticed a warm, smooth aura around. She could feel him. His unidentifiable voice whispered into her ear like a creature from her most erotic dreams, telling her everything that she could ever want. I have to meet you. I have to know that you said 'yes'.

I'll be honored to meet with you at Lulu's on Wednesday night.

"Squee!" Rarity squeaked. She shifted about in her chair, feeling a grin form from cheek to cheek. She read on, still jiggling with sheer joy.

It sounds so interesting to finally but faces to mere ponynet handles. I wonder why ponies haven't thought of that before. Meeting everyone from you to NonFanMare to Todd_the_not_so_human to Fran_the_Fran and the rest (no offense to the ponies that I left out; I love them all) will be a treat. Not just that, but a joy.

"And everyone will be there," Rarity muttered. She looked up to see Roseluck walking over besides her, awkardly smiling. Rarity just froze. Roseluck made for the door, clearly feeling pre-occupied about something else. Rarity's eyes traced her movements. Come on, then! You exist in real-life too, not just the ponynet. Be normal. "Goodbye, darling." She waved. Roseluck waved back, and she shut the door gently.

Everyone was going to be at the shindig. That took so much of the romantic thrill of finally having TBH out of it. Of course, Rarity couldn't just invite TBH only. That would have been so uncouth, so undignified. Rarity stayed away from those "personals"-type websites like a fly avoiding ointment. Nothing better than prostitution, really. Those mares don't know that love, real love, is a thousand times better than flesh slapping around with ponies that you don't even like.

Not everypony could go. In fact, Rarity's thread over in the group 'Fanfic Writing for Newbies and for Helping'-- the most popular group by the number of commentators-- had about half of those responding declining to attend. Several felt shy, and others lived miles and miles away. Still, Rarity had a burning fire of hope around her heart. Let there be enough to make a nice scene, but not too much that I miss him completely. Oh, please Celestia, help me.

I really look forward to seeing you, maybe-- just maybe-- sharing one of those cliche'd 'last dances' out in the moonlight. Maybe reenacting some of our favorite scenes from our favorite fics such as the one where the lost, humble peasant human romances the cold, dark princess. You know: Seeing her there, bathed in the shimmering glow, showed the caring and tender girl buried inside the frigid shell of royalty. He put his hands over hers, and she naturally held him closer. He knew the bond separating them had shattered. Sounds like fun. More than fun. I'll see you there.


"A romance in a slow dance!" Rarity called out. She slid the pPad to the side as she leaned her head down. She breathed in a full dose of tea, hooves rubbing along the warm sides. Her eyes closed, almost feeling happy tears coming.

Love me. Kiss me. Hold me. Thrill me. She hugged herself. Her mind flashed back to the various stallions that she had met up with in Ponyville as well as in Canterlot and Cloudsdale. They had nice flanks, nice, deep voices, nice manes, nice tails, nice strengths, and the rest. They didn't have the heart. She glanced at her reflection in the shimmering tea water. Somehow, being what the other mares called 'a perfect ten' didn't help. It almost, somehow, made things worse.

Being miles wide meant being an inch deep as well. Rarity wouldn't complain, but she felt so limited. She felt like a painting, admired for her beauty but otherwise treated as a prop-- just meant to be there. Ponies judged her by her looks. She looked like an escort. Those ignorant, overly masculine stallions all treated her as such.

"But him!" She swooned. He loves me for me. He's attracted to me for me. He's never seen a picture. He's never heard my voice. All he knows... is my..." Rarity put a hoof to her chest, feeling her heart beat. "What's inside. What I've spilled online."

The heart... She froze. She immediately hopped upwards, standing atop the table and almost knocking the bunch of teacups over. "The heart! That's it! I-d-e-a!" She called out in a sing-song voice.

She magically pulled over sections of vibrant crimson fabric. Batches of white thread and silver glitter sailed in the air overhead. As her magic filled the room, she smiled once more. "That's what Twilight needs-- to pour her heart out. I'll make her the red dress of a sultry Canterlot songstress, the type of mare that would charm a millionaire in the Avalon club. Something that's bold and brash, especially with the silver touches of a mare looking like royalty!"

As she got started on the outfit, she stopped for a moment to glance at the pPad's screen. She made a happy sigh as her eyes ran over the message once more. I won't forget about you, my darling mysterious stallion. I'll be the belle of our ball as your mask comes off.

"A romance," she sang to herself, "in a slow dance."

To Be Continued...

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