The wind settled into a dark and gloomy silence. Applejack approached the door and carefully nudged it open, shoving against the mound of sand stacked against it and forcing it out to reveal the changed landscape outside. The dune they had parked beside had ceased to exist, and new dunes had sprouted up in its place.
Sweetie jumped out past her and circled around the wagon swiftly. The camels were still alive, if battered and sullen. She sang them a sweet song as she passed among them, banishing their injuries with her empathy, and getting a slobbery lick in thanks. Sweetie giggled a little with a smile, returning to the others with a satisfied expression. "They're OK!"
Willow stepped out with Applejack, drawing free a compass and peering at it with a raised brow. She pointed into the distance. "Let's try to make up for lost time. Good job with the camels. They'll be much easier to control without those injuries."
Scootaloo, Sunflower, and Apple Bloom hopped out of the wagon. Sunflower smiled up at his mother. "Can we have a minute or two to stretch?"
She huffed softly. "If you must. Don't go farther than ten feet from the wagon. Some beasts are active just after sandstorms." She sat herself down and began muttering some strange spell.
With permission given, the Crusaders began to run and explore the area around the wagon eagerly. Scootaloo pointed at the sand piled against it. "We should get that off the wagon.
Apple Bloom nodded in agreement. "Good idea." Play time became work time as they industriously cleared away the sand and made a new small dune beside the wagon instead of on top of it.
Sunflower clambered up to the top when it was completed. "I am king!" His monarchy was short-lived as Scootaloo barreled into him and they rolled down the small hill together.
"Enough play." Willow waved at the group. "Get inside. It's time to go." Her fire cat was with her, prowling alongside her quietly as she got into position to drive the wagon. "
Soon everyone was loaded into the wagon, except Sweetie Belle. She hopped up beside Willow and sat down. "I want to be here today, please?"
Willow urged the camels forward silently and the wagon struggled a moment before it pulled free of the sand remaining and began sliding along the surface. "As you wish. There is precious little to see from up here, just dunes."
Despite her words, Sweetie seemed to enjoy watching the dunes go past quietly. Sweetie glanced towards Willow, and her flaming cat. "So you've been on this route before?"
"A few times." Willow glanced sideways at Sweetie. "Why?"
Sweetie shrugged her little shoulders. "Is it always dangerous?"
Willow smiled. "Of course. If it was easy, there'd be much less money to be had. Most of those lazy cats would rather sit at home and count the few coins they have rather than risk it all. What about you, little one? Have you been on such ventures before?"
Sweetie tapped her chin thoughtfully. "I've been to a big city a few times to help my big sister, but we were never attacked by monsters on the way. Um, no offense, but Everglow's a lot more dangerous than Equestria is."
Willow pointed at Sweetie, claw extended. "But it hones a person. You have grown more in the week you've been here than in the last year of your life. If you can avoid becoming lunch, you could become a great hero."
Sweetie gave a slow nod. "I suppose... but I'd rather there not need for there to be a hero."
Willow gave a soft laugh, slapping her knee with a paw. "You're wise for your age. Are there truly no heroes in your world?"
Sweetie shook her head quickly. "My sister's one! She and her friends have saved the world a few times from bad guys. I... suppose if there has to be a hero, I could do that." She stuck out her tongue a little. "I'd rather not."
Willow nodded slowly and allowed silence to settle over them for a time, with just the quiet steps of the camels on the sand beneath them. "The best heroes don't want to be, you realize. Keep that desire for peace safe in your chest, Little Bell."
Sweetie smiled brightly at Willow as she craned her neck about, looking over the sandy stretches. "So, uh, do purrsians really get married in groups?"
Willow snorted softly. "Not all the time. Only very wealthy purrsians gather a harem around themselves, usually males. It is a symbol of wealth and success. I had but one spouse, and our love was not... enduring."
Sweetie frowned a little with obvious thought. "What happened? I mean, if you don't mind my asking?"
Willow waved it off. "It is an old wound, and an honest question. For you, I will answer. He found a prettier cat with deeper coin purses and left me holding little Sunflower. Sunflower's the only good thing to come of the no-good tomcat." She spat to the desert floor. "Don't marry for looks."
Sweetie looked sad, which made Willow uncomfortable. "Don't look that way, Little Bell. I am not unhappy with my life. Sunflower is a darling child and growing strong and well." She reached out and patted Sweetie gently through the mane. "He has found such wonderful friends as well. How could a mother be anything but pleased?"
Sweetie's pout melted away into a smile. "Um, this is very personal... but..." She swallowed thickly. "Are you... playing matchmaker? We tried that once with our teacher, and it didn't work so well."
Willow raised a brow. "Did you now? That sounds adorable. What went wrong?"
Sweetie made a vague gesture with her hooves. "We kind of used a love poison and they got crazy over each other. We fixed it in the end though, promise."
Willow snickered softly at the image. "I see... Apple Bloom was already well on her way to becoming a fine alchemist? I am glad it worked out in the end, but love should not be forced, or false. To answer your question, I will let what happens, happen. If you and my son grow closer, I will celebrate, if not, I will hope you at least become friends." She slid a finger under Sweetie Belle's chin. "You are a fine person, pony or cat, and I would be honored to have you as kin."
Sweetie flushed darkly, unsure how to reply to that statement. "Uh, thank you?" It was a nice thing she had said, but... "I'm not sure if it'll work out that way... but Sunflower's nice enough, so we can be friends for sure."
Willow nodded gently, putting her hands back in her lap and controlling the camels. "That is all I can ask. Anything beyond is a blessing. He is a rash kitten, keep him safe and he will gladly play hero for you and your friends."
Sweetie pointed ahead. "What's that?"
Willow frowned and squinted at what Sweetie indicated. The great shape of a beetle rose from the sand, shaking itself free of the recently driven stuff. It was the size of a cow, and fixed its eyes on the wagon in a disconcerting fashion. Willow thumped the top of the wagon. "Company!" With a sharp wave, she motioned Kalik forward.
The flaming cat leaped over the camels and charged at the giant blue beetle. Sweetie looked guilty. "I used up my healing magic on the camels."
Willow waved away the confession. "Too late to worry about that now. Let's focus on not needing it. Sing your song, Little Bell."
Sweetie complied with a little ditty she learned from Rainbow Dash about Daring Do's exploits. Under this adventurous melody, the rest of the group burst out the back of the wagon and were closing in on the beetle. The beetle and Kalik met first, great mandibles closing in on the flaming cat and scoring a grazing gnaw along a leg. Kalik quickly returned the favor with their own teeth, trying to work through the tough chitinous hide of the beast.
As the others closed the distance, Apple Bloom dug out a bomb mixture and hurled it at the beetle. It wasn't spot on, but landed beside the beetle, catching it in its explosive fire. The beetle clicked in fury and turned to approach Apple Bloom, scuttling past Kalik. Kalik swiped at it on the way past, but the claws slid over the steel-like plating. The beetle crashed into the second line of combatants. Scootaloo drove her flaming rapier into it with a sudden forceful burst of flames, setting it alight for a moment with a keening whistle of pain.
Applejack drove a single hoof into it with a punch, knocking a hole in its hide and crushing flesh beyond it. Sunflower ducked around its momentum, weaving around it on all fours and springing up with mace in paw, surrounding the beast. The great beast wheeled and turned, driving mandibles at Scootaloo and grinding at her. Scootaloo squeaked and wriggled away, hopping back with fresh wounds.
Apple Bloom hurled a fresh bomb, landing on the beetle's back and exploding powerfully with flames. "Keep it up, everypony. Ah think it's gettin' weak."
Sunflower brought down his mace with a satisfying crunch as he found a weak point between two plates. "It ain't so tough!"
Applejack went for her signature finisher, driving her hooves into it with an electric charge, but the beetle juked just in time, and only one hoof thudded against it to her annoyance. Kalik picked up the slack, landing on its back and burying her head into the hole Applejack had made earlier. She tore and rended at the creatures innards and it shuddered before collapsing to the ground, succumbing to the abuse heaped on it. "It is done."
Willow nodded from the driver's seat. "Well fought. There's still some cool time left, let's get as much desert behind us as we can."
Apple Bloom approached Scootaloo quickly, giving her a healing potion. "Thanks." Scootaloo chugged it down and let out a sigh of relief. "Did you see that explosion! Boom! We cooked that beetle before it even had a chance." Scootaloo waved up at Sweetie Belle. "Coming back with us?"
Sweetie waved at Willow before hopping down, rejoining her friends. Soon they were all inside the wagon and the trip continued around the beetle, onwards to their destination.
When they parked for the coming day, Willow joined the rest in the wagon. "I think we are safe from the bandits."
Applejack perked an ear. "Why's that?"
Willow gestured. "If they had the means to take us by force, they would have. It was a bluff, dashed to pathetic shreds with the coming of the storm. We should be thankful for it. It has erased our tracks up to its point." She plucked up a small flask with a purple stopper. "I propose a little drink of celebration."
Applejack looked hesitant. "How strong's that stuff?"
Willow scoffed. "A tepid wine. Good for travel, rude for polite company. But we are traveling companions, not polite company." She settled down and poured the flask out into its cap, offering it to Applejack first. "Try."
Applejack sipped it up and made a face. "It ain't cider, that's fer sure. Go on, one cap fer each of ya."
They rested in good spirits that day. The end of the desert felt closer than ever before.
You're feeling generous today.
extra space
surplus quotes
from
surplus period
extra mandibles
There are two spaces between "carefully" and "nudged."
She and her friends have saved the world a few times "from" bad guys.
"Matchmaker" is a compound word.
Don't capitalize "beetle" there.
Also, delete the first period.
The journey continues onward, and keeps its pleasant mixture of battles and characterization. This time we got a focus on Willow, which was nice now that she's back, but...her character feels different than before, and I'm not entirely sure it's for the better.
It's difficult for me to pin down exactly what feels different, but if I had to put it in words I'd say that it feels like she's become a very "passive" character - she's sitting back and simply being rather than actively doing very much, something that her conversation with Sweetie Belle threw into stark relief. Highlighting that is that she feels very unemotional (or perhaps guarded) in her exchange with the filly. While she does express some venom towards her ex-husband that felt like we were getting a glimpse of the "real" her, the way that she was so "paws off" about the idea of Sunflower falling for the girls felt creepy.
While I suspect that this may say more about me than her character, I found her que sera sera attitude towards her son's love life - especially at such a tender young age - to be off-putting. It smacked of disinterest rather than her allowing him his space. She really has no thoughts or feelings on whether or not she wants Sunflower to end up with these three girls? She has no opinion whatsoever on the fact that he might end up heartbroken, or social status issues of her son marrying three members of a different species, or that such a union wouldn't be able to produce any grandkittens? (That's leaving aside the fact that she apparently didn't care enough to even ask Sweetie Belle how she felt about Sunflower.) There are a million things for a mother to take interest in regarding her son's romantic issues, especially when he's still so young and this is quite clearly his first serious crush(es). Obviously, she needs to let him have his space to live his own life, make his own mistakes, and learn his own lessons, but that doesn't mean she can't be there and involve herself in a healthy manner.
That's a large part of why I feel like Willow has become so disengaged with the rest of the group. Between that and her utter lack of passion for anything that we've seen - her ex notwithstanding - it made little things like her pet name for Sweetie Belle come across as patronizing rather than endearing. She seems standoffish, rather than centered, and it's rapidly making her into a character that I don't like.
That said, it was adorable to see Sunflower and Scootaloo at play, and between this and that kiss beforehand, they're really starting to stand out as a couple. Hints of what's to come, or am I just seeing what I want to see?
Beyond that, the battle with the beetle was fun but, as with the fire elementals, lacking in wider narrative context. Obviously, that can't be helped in terms of plot development - random encounters happen, after all, and quite often they have no greater impact on the larger story - but twice in a row makes me think that we should have seen it be used it to at least push some sort of character-based drama. If we keep having things that "just happen" with no impact on either the characters or the plot, it starts to feel rather pointless. Maybe next time the fight can spark a discussion among the characters, or someone can showboat a little too much, or something that leads to development?
Hopefully, Willow is right about the bandits being gone; surely even if they had the means to track them, one caravan that small isn't worth the effort at this point, right?
the caravan movies forward.
the bandit's are behind we hope?
Willow and Sweaty are talking about love, just ware is that going?
all is looking good right now.
Harts Fire
Hazard survived and monster defeated. Shouldn't be long now. Though the next region will doubtlessly present its own challenges.
Now if only the camels could stop tripping on these typos:
Extra space.
Extra bit before the line break.
5947490
5947398
5947394 Fixed! Thanks for the extra eyes.
5947458 I don't think you're being very fair to Willow. Willow should not be expressing strong feelings about her son's dating habits to one of the girls he may be dating. That's creepy with any girl save one he is already securely bound to, which little Sunflower and Sweetie Belle are definitely not! She is too young and undecided to be regaling with her master plans for how they'll get married and have a bajillion kittens at her behest. No, she tried to be gently encouraging, of Sweetie Belle as a person, and their relationship. It seems... odd that their whole talk of danger and heroes kind of faded to the wayside in comparison to her not gushing about romance to a still maturing little filly?
It could be me. I'm an odd person.
5947061
5947032
A good way to handle the fire-mage-makes-no-sense-in-the-desert problem would be to have the party discover a tower surrounded by a perpetual magic snowstorm in the middle of the desert. If that doesn't scream powerful mage, I don't know what does.
I thought maybe it should be along the lines of driving and grinding its mandibles at Scootaloo. But with the sentence as it stands I'm not sure what the Beetle was doing.
Another good chapter.
5947682 I do my best!
began to run and explore the area around
Purely stylistic, but I would capitalize it Little Bell.
Everyone else buried the typos for me, it seems.
5947807 As my brother says, Teamwork makes the dream work.
5947510 Why does Willow have to verbalize her feelings one way or another? Why can't the narration tell us what she's thinking/feeling? I know you don't like exposition, but your refusal to allow us to see any of your characters' inner working is - to my mind - one of your greatest weaknesses as a writer. Maybe I'm using the wrong term for it, but "exposition" does not have to mean long paragraphs of info-dumping. Just give us something like so:
Sweetie's pout melted away into a smile. "Um, this is very personal... but..." She swallowed thickly, summoning up her courage. "Are you... playing matchmaker? We tried that once with our teacher, and it didn't work so well."
Willow knew better than to give an honest answer, simply raising a brow as she replied. "Did you now? That sounds adorable. What went wrong?"
Sweetie made a vague gesture with her hooves. "We kind of used a love poison and they got crazy over each other. We fixed it in the end though, promise." Flushing with remembered embarrassment over the trouble she and her friends had caused, Sweetie failed to notice that Willow hadn't answered her question.
Little things like that would go a long way towards making your character feel more fleshed out, instead of limiting the narration strictly to what can be seen or heard as if we were there.
(Insofar as the talk about heroism goes, that didn't seem as important because it's a philosophical line of thought with no practical impact, rather than a personal one with potentially quite a bit of emotional impact.)
5947527 Maybe it's a desert because of the fire mage that lives in it?
In one of the games I'm in this giant glacier thing was there because of an ancient storm+cold artifact, and the cold 'mage' (actually an outsider) was there because she wanted the artifact.
Sandstorm, survived, Camels recharged, Giant Desert Beetle, no gil.
Nice average to lucky rolls?
Hope tomorrow goes no worsel.
5948583 Scootaloo got a wicked crit with a flaming burst weapon. Fire everywhere!
5948600 if thy wheir smart thy should have striped its shell, would have been good to sell or made good armor
Well, while in some worlds there's no hope, in the society that the Sisters have created, there's no last hope. If the princesses fall, there's the Mane 6. If the Mane 6 fall, then there's Starlight, Discord, Trixie, Thorax, the CMC, the Student 6 the list goes on!
To paraphrase Silver Quill, "in a world ruled by nightmare Moon, there is no hope. And the world that Celestia has created, there is no last hope. If the mane Six are out, Starlight and her friends are there. If they're down for the count, then the student six are there. You could pare the cast down to the Cutie Mark Crusaders, then they would still be willing and able to step up to the plate."
images-wixmp-ed30a86b8c4ca887773594c2.wixmp.com/f/c3bf87cb-c460-4721-af26-80876c193834/d4p73yo-ceddce47-4443-445e-a9e9-e69e8928012b.png/v1/fill/w_900,h_394,q_80,strp/dear_teacher_cheerilee__today__i_learned____by_csimadmax_d4p73yo-fullview.jpg?token=eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJzdWIiOiJ1cm46YXBwOjdlMGQxODg5ODIyNjQzNzNhNWYwZDQxNWVhMGQyNmUwIiwiaXNzIjoidXJuOmFwcDo3ZTBkMTg4OTgyMjY0MzczYTVmMGQ0MTVlYTBkMjZlMCIsIm9iaiI6W1t7ImhlaWdodCI6Ijw9Mzk0IiwicGF0aCI6IlwvZlwvYzNiZjg3Y2ItYzQ2MC00NzIxLWFmMjYtODA4NzZjMTkzODM0XC9kNHA3M3lvLWNlZGRjZTQ3LTQ0NDMtNDQ1ZS1hOWU5LWU2OWU4OTI4MDEyYi5wbmciLCJ3aWR0aCI6Ijw9OTAwIn1dXSwiYXVkIjpbInVybjpzZXJ2aWNlOmltYWdlLm9wZXJhdGlvbnMiXX0.UURZ9sk8fegzqWwQgzdfTCNpzsCBZtCRFA_A092t9QQ