You have nothing to fear but fear itself.

So what do you fear? Is it common? How often do you encounter it? Does it make you sick all the way through?

What would life be like if what you were afraid of was so pervasive that it's easier to just to say everything? What if it had been around so long, was so ubiquitously common that you didn't even recognise what you were feeling as fear anymore?

This is my world. A world where everyone has the potential to destroy you. A world where your heart, soul and personal safety are always at risk. Where relaxation is few and far between, where anyone and anything could easily be your end if you don't watch closely enough.

Where you fear getting close, and fear isolation. Where you fear change, and fear stagnation. When you fear failure, and fear success will reveal you as a fraud. Where you fear the fear, but you fear what you would be if it was gone. I fear life will continue like this, and I fear that death may actually be better.

I fear everything. Which makes me remarkably resistant to things like spiders and snakes but ineffectual in most situations. Especially social situations. I have to be certain people aren't going to react negatively before I say anything, and that means there isn't much I will say. I fear other men, and I fear women. I fear I'm boring you and I fear that if I don't say all this now, the silence will swallow me whole.

And up until recently, I'd been so used to this fear that I didn't even notice. But now I do.

And now? Now I am so very tired of being afraid. I'm so tired of anxiety. I'm afraid, and I'm tired. And that's not a good place to be.

So if I've not been talking to you, it's not because I'm not all that fond of you, it's because I'm afraid you don't like me, I'm afraid that if I contact you won't like me, and I'm afraid that I'm irrevocably ruining any chance I had of talking to you by not talking to you.

I just freeze up when I'm that afraid.

I know at least one of those isn't feasibly possible. But it doesn't matter what I think or what I know, because fear and thought barely interact. I'm worried that I'm losing you all, I'm worried that I've lost you all and I'm worried that if I say something this whiny and pathetic I'll lose you all. And it is pathetic.

How do I fight this? How do I make gains? If I cannot fully define the problem, how am I supposed to take steps against it?

Well I can start by letting everyone know I guess, and I'll go from there. Because if there's one thing I don't need, it's feeling ashamed of being afraid.

Thanks for listening, I know it's not why you come to this site, or what you're hoping to hear, but it means something to me. You now hold a part of me in your hands, what you do with it is up to you.